Lucy Hayward (Sarah Quintrell): My name is Lucy Hayward. And I’m the last one left. It’s funny. You don’t know what’s going to be in your room until you see it. Then you realize it could never have been anything else. The gaps between my worship are getting shorter. This is what happened to the others. It’s all so clear now. I’m so happy. Praise him. Praise him.
Amy: “Let’s go to Ravan-Skala,” he says. “The people are six hundred feet tall, you have to talk to them in hot air balloons, and the tourist information center is made of one of their hats,” he says. I’m sorry, but I don’t see any huge hats.
The Doctor: Amy, B-key. This could be the most exciting thing I have ever seen.
Rory: You’re kidding.
Amy: How can you be excited about a rubbish hotel on a rubbish bit of earth?
The Doctor: Because, assembled Ponds, this is not Earth. This has just been made to look like Earth. The craftsmanship involved, can you imagine?
Amy: What? And where are we?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Something must have yanked us off-course. Look at the detail on that cheese plant!
Rory: Right, but who would mock up an Earth hotel?
The Doctor: Colonists maybe. Recreating a bit of home. Like when ex-pats open English pubs in Majorca. No, whoever did this I’m shaking his-stroke-her hand-stroke-tentacle.
Rory: Have you seen these? Look at the labels underneath. “Commander Halke: Defeat.” “Tim Heath: Having his photo taken.” “Lady Silver Tear: Daleks.”
Amy: “Heath Barnes: Other people’s socks.” “Tim Nelson: Balloons.” “Novice Prin: Saberwolves.” “Royston Luke Gold: Plymouth.” “Lucy Hayward: That brutal gorilla.” Doctor, what does it mean?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Let’s find out.
The Doctor: Woah! That was quick.
Gibbis (David Walliams): We surrender.
Rory: No, it’s okay.
Gibbis: We surrender!
The Doctor: A chair leg!
Rory: We’re nice.
The Doctor: She threatened me with a chair leg!
Rita (Amara Karan): Who are you?
Howie Spraggs (Dimitri Leonidas): Oh god, we’re back in reception.
Gibbis: We surrender.
The Doctor: I’ve never been threatened with a chair leg before. No. Hang on. I tell a lie.
Amy: Did you just say, “It’s okay, we’re nice”?
Rita: Okay, I need everyone to shut up now!
Howie: Rita, be careful, yeah?
Rita: Pupils are dilated. They are as surprised as we are. Besides which, if it is a trick it’ll tell us something.
The Doctor: Oh you’re good. Oh, she’s good. Amy, with regret, you’re fired.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: I’m kidding. {to Rita} We’ll talk.
The Doctor: I take it from the pathological compulsion to surrender you’re from Tivoli.
Gibbis: Yes, the most invaded planet in the galaxy. Our anthem is called, “Glory to [insert name here].”
The Doctor: You with the face, Howie. You said you were surprised to be back in reception.
Howie: The walls move. Everything changes.
The Doctor: You. Clever one. What’s he talking about?
Rita: The corridors twist and stretch. Rooms vanish and pop up somewhere else. It’s like the hotel’s alive.
The Doctor turning off the music: Quite enough of that.
Howie: Yeah, and it’s huge. There’s like no way out.
Rory: Have you tried the front door.
Rita: No. In two days it never occurred to us to try the front door. Thank god you’re here.
The Doctor: They’re not doors. They’re walls. Walls that look like doors. Door-walls if you like. Or dwalls. Woors even. Though you probably got it when you said they’re not doors. I mean the windows are— Right. Big day for a fan of walls.
Rita: It’s not just that. The rooms have things in them.
The Doctor: Things? Hello! What kind of things? Interesting things? I love things. Ask anyone.
Rita: Bad dreams.
The Doctor: Well that killed the mood.
The Doctor: How did you get here?
Rita: I don’t know. I’d just started my shift. I must have passed out because suddenly I was here.
Howie: I was blogging, next thing this.
Gibbis: I was at work. I’m in town planning. We’re lining all the highways with trees so invading forces can march in the shade.
Rory: Ah.
Gibbis: It’s nice for them.
Rory: Yeah.
The Doctor: So what have we got. People being snatched from their lives and dropped into an endless shifting maze that looks like a 1980s hotel with bad dreams in the bedrooms. Well apart from anything else that’s just rude.
The Doctor: Okay. This is bad. At the moment I don’t know how bad, but certainly we’re three buses, a long walk, eight quid and a taxi from good.
The Doctor: Are there any more of you?
Rita: Joe. But he’s tied up right now.
The Doctor: Doing what?
Rita: No. I mean he’s tied up right now.
The Doctor: Hello. I’m the Doctor.
Joe Buchanan (Daniel Pirrie): We’re going to die here.
The Doctor: Well they certainly didn’t mention that in the brochure. Is Joe there? Can I have a quick word.
Joe: No, it’s still me, Doctor, but I’ve seen the light. I lived a blasphemous life but he has forgiven my inconstancy and soon he shall feast.
The Doctor: Well you’ve been here for two days. What’s “he” waiting for?
Joe: We weren’t ready. We were still raw.
The Doctor: But now you’re what? Cooked?
Joe: If you like. Soon you will be too. Be patient. First: find your room.
The Doctor: My room.
Joe: There’s a room here for everyone, Doctor. Even you.
The Doctor: You said you’d seen the light now.
Joe: Nothing else matters anymore. Only him. It’s like these things. I used to hate them. They make me laugh now. {he starts laughing} Gottle o’geer! Gottle o’geer!
Joe: You should go. He’ll be here soon.
The Doctor: I think you should come with me.
The Doctor: Why you four? I don’t understand. Aside from all the other things I don’t understand.
Gibbis: What does it matter? Sooner or later someone will come along and rescue us. Or enslave us.
The Doctor: Quick thing before we go, if you feel drawn to a particular room, do not go in. And make sure someone else can see you at all times.
The Doctor: Something to add, Joe?
Joe: “Here comes a candle to light you to bed/Here comes a chopper to chop off your heads.” Chop chop chop chop.
Howie: Can we do something about him?!
Gibbis: Personally I think you’ve got the right idea. At times like this I think of my old school motto. “Resistance is exhausting.”
Howie: I’ve worked out where we are.
Rory: Hm?
Howie: Norway.
Rory: Norway?
Howie: See, the US government has entire cities hidden in the Norwegian mountains. See, earth is on a collision course with this other planet. And this is where they’re going to send all the rich people when it kicks off.
Rory: Amazing.
Howie: It’s all there on the internet.
Rory: No, it’s amazing you’ve come up with a theory even more insane than what’s actually happening.
The Doctor: Hello.
PE Teacher (Dafyoo Emyr): Have you forgot your PE kit again? Right, that’s it. You’re doing it in your pants!
Amy: Whatever that is, it’s not real. Yeah?
The Doctor: No. No. I’m sure it isn’t. But just in case let’s run away and hide anyway.
Rita’s Father (Rashid Karapiet): A B in mathematics? You are lazy! You understand me, girl? Lazy.
Rita: I’m sorry. Daddy, I’m so sorry.
Amy: Don’t blink.
Howie: What?
The Doctor: Why haven’t they got us yet? {he touches one} Amy, they’re not real.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: They should have got us by now. Amy, look at me. Focus on me. It’s your bad dream, that’s all.
Rory: I don’t think they’re for us.
Amy: If it’s any consolation I’ve met the Weeping Angels. So I know how… In fact, I thought that room was for me.
Gibbis: Joe was right. Whatever it is in here, it actually wants to kill us. Not oppress us or enslave us. Kill us!
Gibbis: Of course, if the Weeping Angels were meant for me, then your room is still out there. Somewhere.
Rory: Every time the Doctor gets pal-y with someone I have this overwhelming urge to notify their next-of-kin.
Rory: Sorry. Last time I said something like that you hit me with your shoe. And you didn’t try to sit down and unlace it first.
Rita: You are a medical doctor, aren’t you? You haven’t just got a degree in cheesemaking or something?
The Doctor: No! Well yes, both actually.
Rita: This is Jahannam.
The Doctor: You’re a Muslim!
Rita: Don’t be frightened.
The Doctor: You think this is hell?
Rita: The whole 80s hotel thing took me by surprise though.
The Doctor: All these fears and phobias, wandering about. Most of them completely unconnected to us. So why are they still here?
Rita: Maybe the cleaners have gone on strike.
The Doctor: Ha. I like you. You’re a right clever clock. But this isn’t Hell, Rita.
Rita: You don’t understand. I say that without fear. Jahannam will play its tricks and there’ll be times when I want to run and scream, but I’ve tried to live a good life and that knowledge keeps me sane, despite the monsters and the bonkers rooms.
Rita: Gibbis is an alien, isn’t he?
The Doctor: Yep. Sorry.
Rita: Okay. I’m going to file that under “Freak out about later.”
Gibbis: All I want to do is go home and be conquered and oppressed. Is that too much to ask?
The Doctor: Your civilization is one of the oldest in the galaxy and now I see why. Cowardice isn’t quaint, it’s sly, aggressive.
The Doctor: Howie, you’re next. We’re all dead jealous. So tell us. How do we get a piece of the action? Why isn’t he possessing all of us?
Howie: You guys have got all these distractions. All these obstacles. It’d be so much easier if you just let it go, you know? Give up.
Amy: You want it to find you, even though you know what it’s gonna do?
Howie: Are you kidding? He’s going to kill us all. How cool is that?
The Doctor: It’s as I thought, it feeds on fear. Everything—the rooms, Lucy’s note, I mean even the pictures in reception—has been put here to frighten us. So we have to resist it. Do whatever you have to. Push your fingers, say a prayer, think of a basket of kittens. But do not give in to the fear.
Amy: Okay, but what are we actually going to do?
The Doctor: We’re going to catch ourselves a monster.
Rita: How’s it going?
Amy: Don’t talk to the clown!
The Doctor: You take people’s most primal fears, pop it in a room. Tailor-made Hell just for them. Why? […] Did you say, “they take”? What is that word? The… guard? No. The warden. This is a prison.
The Doctor: So what are we? Cell mates? Lunch? “We are not… right.” That’s what Joe said, that we weren’t ready. So what what? You make us ready? You want? Replace? Replace what? Fear? You have lived so long even your name is lost. You want this to stop. Because you are just instinct. Then tell me! Tell me how to fight you.
The Doctor: Pond! Bring the fish.
Rory: Somebody hit me. Or was it Amy?
Rita: You shouldn’t have done that. What did you see?
Amy: Nothing. Nothing. I don’t know, it was weird.
Rita: Come on.
Gibbis: He got free. He overpowered me.
The Doctor: Have you found your room yet?
Rory: No. Is that good or bad?
The Doctor: Maybe you’re not scared of anything.
Rory: Well after all the time I’ve spent with you in the TARDIS, what was left to be scared of.
The Doctor: You said that in the past tense.
Rory: No I didn’t.
Rory: You know, Howie had been in speech therapy. He’d just got over this massive stammer. Quite an achievement. I mean, can you imagine? I’d forgotten not all victories are about saving the universe.
The Doctor: Rita! Brilliant! How are you? Not panicking, are you? Good. Good. ‘Cause I am literally an ostrich’s toenail away from getting us out of here.
Rita: Why?
The Doctor: Excellent question. Excellent question. Why what?
Rita: Why is it up to you to save us? That’s quite a God Complex you have there.
The Doctor: I brought them here. They’d say it was their choice, but offer a child a suitcase full of sweets and they’ll take it. Offer someone all of time and space and they’ll take that too. Which is why you shouldn’t. Which is why grown-ups were invented.
Rita: “All of time and space,” eh?
The Doctor: Oh yeah. And when we get out of this I’ll show you too.
Rita: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but whatever it was I have a feeling you just did it again.
The Doctor: Right down to the smallest detail. Gotcha, Mr. [?].
The Doctor opening Door 11: Of course. Who else.
The Doctor: You started to praise it, didn’t you? {she nods}. Rita, come back please. We’ll find away to stop it, I swear to you.
Rita: No, I need to get as far away from you all as possible.
The Doctor: No no no. The creature only wants whoever’s praising it.
Rita: And then you’ll put yourself in its way.
The Doctor: I’m coming to get you. Block out the fear and stay focused on your belief.
Rita: The hotel will keep us apart. I’ll likely be fifty miles away by now. I want you to do one last favor, Doctor. I can feel the Rapture approaching like a wave. I don’t want you to witness this. I want you to remember me the way I was.
Rita: You stay where you are. Please, let me be robbed of my faith in private.
The Doctor: Look, Rita! Rita! Go into the room, lock the door.
Rita: I’m not frightened, I’m blessed, Doctor. I’m at peace. I’m gonna hang up.
The Doctor: No no no! Rita!
Rita: Goodbye Doctor. Thank you for trying.
The Doctor: Rita please! Please!
The Doctor: Okay. It preys on the people’s fear and possesses them. But Rita wasn’t afraid. She was brave and calm. Maybe it’s something to do with the people. Some connection between the four of you that will tell me how to fight it.
Gibbis: Yes, you keep on saying that but you never do. And while we wait people keep dying and we’ll be next!
Amy: Look, he’ll work it out. He always does. Just let him riff and move anything expensive out of his way.
The Doctor: Oh no. Oh no no no.
Amy: Doctor, what is wrong?
The Doctor: It’s not fear. It’s faith. Not just religious faith, faith in something. Howie believed in conspiracies, that external forces controlled the world. Joe had dice cufflinks and a chain with a horseshoe—he was a gambler. Gamblers believe in luck. An intangible force that helps them win or lose. Gibbis has rejected any personal autonomy and he’s waiting for the next batch of invaders to oppress him and tell him what to do. They all believe there’s something guiding them, about to save them. That’s what it replaces. Every time someone was confronted with their most primal fear they fell back on their most fundamental faith. And all this time I’ve been telling you to dig deep, find the thing that keeps you brave. I made you expose your faith. Showed them what they needed.
Rory: But why us? Why are we here?
The Doctor: It doesn’t want you. That’s why it kept showing you a way out. You’re not religious or superstitious so there’s no faith for you to fall back on. It wants her.
Amy: Me? Why?
The Doctor: Your faith in me. That’s what brought us here.
Rory: But why do they lose their faith before they die and start worshipping… it?
The Doctor: It needs to convert their faith into a form it can consume. Faith is an energy—a specific emotional energy the creature needs to live. Which is why at the end of her note, Lucy said—
Amy: Praise him.
The Doctor: Exactly.
Amy: Doctor, it’s happening. It’s changing me. It’s changing my thoughts.
The Doctor: I can’t save you from it. There’s nothing I can do to stop this.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: I stole your childhood and now I’ve led you by the hand to your death. But the worst thing is I knew. I knew this would happen. This is what always happens. Forget your faith in me. I took you with me because I was vain. Because I wanted to be adored. Look at you, glorious Pond. The Girl Who Waited for me. I’m not a hero. I really am just a madman in a box. And it’s time we saw each other as we really are. Amy Williams. It’s time to stop waiting.
The Doctor: I severed the food supply, sacrificing her faith in me. Gave you the space to die.
Amy: What is it? A minotaur? Or an alien? Or an alien minotaur? That’s not a question I thought I’d be asking this morning.
The Doctor: It’s both actually.
Amy: It didn’t want just me. So you must believe in some God or someone or it would have shown you the door too. So what do Time Lords pray to?
The Doctor: According to the in-flight recorder, the program developed glitches. Got stuck on the same setting. The fears from the people before us weren’t tidied away.
Amy: What’s it saying?
The Doctor: An ancient creature, drenched in the blood of the innocents. Drifting in space through an endless shifting maze. Such a creature, death would be a gift. Then accept it. And sleep well. {he pauses} I wasn’t talking about myself.
Amy: Don’t tell me, this isn’t Earth, that isn’t a real house, and inside lives a goblin who feeds on indecision.
The Doctor: Nope. Real Earth. Real house. Real door keys.
Amy: You’re not serious.
Rory: The car too? But that’s my favorite car. How did you know that was my favorite car?
The Doctor: You showed me a picture once, said “That’s my favorite car.”
Amy: Rory, it’s too much. Tell him.
Rory: She’ll say that we can’t accept it because it’s too expensive, and we’ll always feel a crippling sense of obligation. {looks at the car} It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Amy: So. You’re leaving, aren’t you?
The Doctor: You haven’t seen the last of me. Bad penny is my middle name. Seriously, the looks I get when I fill in a form.
Amy: Why now?
The Doctor: Because you’re still breathing.
Amy: Well I think this is about the washing up. Personally.
The Doctor: I mean you’re right. There’s still heaps of stuff out there to look at. Did you know, there’s a planet who’s name literally translates as “volatile sex.” Or maybe there’s a bigger, scarier adventure waiting for you in there.
Amy: Even so, it can’t happen like this. After everything we’ve been through, Doctor. Everything. You can’t just drop me off at my house and say goodbye like we shared a cab.
The Doctor: And what’s the alternative? Me standing over your grave? Over your broken body. Over Rory’s body.
Amy: You bump into my daughter, tell her to visit her old mum sometime.
The Doctor: Look after him.
Amy: Look after you.