Gossip Girl: With Blair’s boyfriend Nate helping to close up the family yacht for the season, Blair is free to focus on the most important event of the fall: her annual sleepover. A tradition since the year 2000, each one more decadent than the last. No expense—or reputation—is spared. With everything from trundle beds to truffles in place, all that’s missing is sleepover star and Waldorf BFF, Serena van der Woodsen.
Rufus: Did you knock over a parking meter?
Dan: No. This is the entire contents from my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles piggybank. How long can a man have a piggybank and still call himself a man?
Jenny: You don’t leave much room for surprise.
Serena: Well I don’t know how to dress for surprise. Not everything goes with it, you know.
Blair: What was that I heard? Eric’s coming home? That’s perfect timing.
Serena: How so?
Blair: Well it gives your mother and brother time to bond alone tonight while you get drunk on Schnapp’s and moon the NYU dorms from the limo.
Serena: Blair, what are you talking about?
Blair: S., it’s only the most important night of the fall.
Serena: Oh. The sleepover.
Blair: I prefer soirée. Sleepover is so sophomore year.
Serena: Look, I’m really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something. I—
Blair: I’m not a stop along the way. I’m a destination.
Blair: Little Jenny Humphrey. Why didn’t I think of you before? You have no plans. You’re coming to the soirée.
Jenny: Me? Really?
Kati and Iz: Her? Really?
About the Palace
Dan: It’s a nice place that you and… eight hundred other people have got here.
Serena: Yeah, the identical surroundings do make you crazy after a little while. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a secret government experiment.
Lily: Home by one o’clock. Bonus points for 12:45.
Gossip Girl: Spotted on the steps of the Palace: Cinderella stepping onto a pumpkin instead of her carriage. Lucky for Lonely Boy there’s more than one fable filling our inbox.
Gossip Girl: Here’s an inside tip, Little J: the faster you rise, the harder you fall. Hope that Hello Kitty sleeping bag doubles as a parachute.
Dan: Yeah, I come here for the crowd. You wanna play “Mistress or Second Wife”? Because it’s harder than it looks, believe me. So is her face.
Blair as Jenny tries on outfits: Too Beyoncé. Too Mary-Kate. Too Hannah Montana.
Blair: As my mother always says, “Fashion knows not of comfort. All that matters is the face you show the world.” And your face looks like it’s going to Bat Mitzvah. But before we continue the renovation {grabs a martini glass} Martini?
Jenny: Oh, no thanks. I don’t like vodka.
Blair: Well, that’s nice. Because this is gin.
Serena: Are you sure you didn’t want any of my dinner? Your entrée was so small.
Dan: No no, it was amazing. I didn’t realize fish could be creamed.
Dan: I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?
Serena: No. Look, I wanted a date with you. Just not the date you thought I wanted. It’s… it’s fine.
Dan: Alright. Well, then. If it’s a real Dan Humphrey date that you want, then it’s a real Dan Humphrey date that you’re gonna get. Let’s go.
Serena: Really?
Dan: Yes.
GG: Spotted fleeing dessert: S and Lonely Boy. Lighter than air and heading downtown.
Jenny: Surprise.
Eric: Jenny, hey. What are you doing here?
Jenny: Your SOS was heard and answered. C’mon, we’re breaking you out.
Eric: How are you— wait. What do you mean, “we”?
Intake Nurse: What drugs have you been taking?
Blair: Mm… caffeine. Nicotine. Ketamine. GHB. PCP. LSD. Dir- Diazepam. Lorazepam. All the pams, really. I don’t discriminate.
Intake Nurse: Apparently not.
Blair: C’mon, let’s go. I heard you were bored and I… figured I owed you one.
Eric: Yeah, try fifty.
Blair: Okay, c’mon. Get a move on. C’mon.
Dan about his pool winnings: 75 bucks. I think that pays for your duck.
Serena: That it does.
Rufus answering the phone: This better not be my wife.
Lily: Rufus, do you always answer the phone like that?
Rufus: Lily?
Lily: Listen, I need your son’s cellphone number. It’s an emergency.
Rufus: A real emergency or a Lily emergency?
Lily: I have a situation here.
Rufus: A situation? Your son is with your daughter and my kid. I trust them. Why don’t you?
Lily: Rufus—
Rufus: Goodbye Lily. Always a pleasure.
Wall Street: Hey, Baby. You wanted to, ah, maybe show me to the bathroom, get lost somewhere around coat check?
Blair: My answer is usually never say never. But for you I’ll make an exception.
Blair: Look at the Hedge Fund Mafia in here. I thought matchy-matchy was over.
Serena: You promised if I lost again you’d teach me.
Dan: Alright. That’s a promise I intend to keep. Not just for you, but for dive bars everywhere. All across America.
Serena to Dan: There’s something vibrating in your pocket and I really hope it’s your phone.
Lily: So I made some calls but, as it turns out, none of my people know your people. Shocking, but true. Either “Dan Humphrey” is an alias or your son is not very popular. Regardless, I need that number.
Lily: I’ll pass on a glass of that non-premium liquor you’re drinking. But I will take something to eat, thank you for offering. What? You still know how to cook, don’t you?
Amanda: Are you her? Are you Claire?
Serena: What? No.
Dan to Jenny: What are you even doing here? You’re supposed to be at a sleepover.
Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?
Dan: You made out with him?
Wall Street: No. I made out with her.
Blair: Ew. It was a dare.
Amanda: A dare? What are you, children?
Dan: Yeah, pretty much. She’s fourteen.
Rufus: You haven’t changed a bit. You always have to be in control.
Lily: Hm. Well. I don’t remember you complaining.
Rufus: Well I wasn’t allowed to. It was one of your rules.
Blair: Call me.
Serena: Yeah I will.
Blair: I was talking to Eric.
Lily: Are you still the same guy you were when I took this photo?
Rufus: What? You took that photo? You weren’t even at that show.
Lily: Oh, excuse me. If I remember, the first song was about me, the second one was about… your motorcycle. And then there was that one about that surf town. What was it?
Rufus: Saya Lida.
Lily: Saya Lida.
Rufus: Fisherman’s town.
Lily: Is that the one with the villa where we…. Yes indeed, it was.