Millie Kentner: Hey! Those are for my French class.
Daniel: But I love sprinkles!
Millie: Fine just eat it.
Nick: Wow. What’s wrong with her?
Kim: Ricky dumped her this morning. I don’t know, she’s on the warpath.
Daniel: Wow. If she’s looking for new customers, I’m up for a test drive.
Kim: Shut up, Daniel.
Karen Scarfolli (Rashida Jones): What are you doing? That’s my locker.
Sam: Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I thought it was mine. See, this is mine. I just got hit in the solar plexus so I’m a little out of it.
Karen: Yeah, I don’t want to hear your life story, okay? I want you to move your ass.
Karen: This your locker? {she writes GEEK across it in lipstick.} There. Now you’ll always know which one’s yours and which one’s mine. Okay, geek?
Bill: You don’t have hair in your pits?
Nick: You gonna sit over here now?
Lindsay: I just don’t feel like being abused today. I mean, I give up, you know? I go out of my way to be nice to her but it’s like—argh—no matter what I do, you know?
Neal: A defaced locker, a humiliated freshman. And the busty succubus from Hell. Perhaps we’ve left McKinley High. And entered the chilling corridors of The Twilight Zone.
Sam: What am I supposed to do? I mean, fight her? She’s a girl. My dad has a rule. You don’t fight girls.
Neal: My dad has a rule. You don’t piss your pants at school.
Sam: Hey, I didn’t piss my pants!
Karen: Hey! What happened to my artwork? I spent a lot of time on that.
Sam: I… I washed it off.
Karen: Yeah? Well how’re you going to remember where your locker is?
Sam: I’ll remember!
Karen: No you won’t.
Sam: Listen, I don’t want to have to fight you.
Karen: You want to fight me? Huh? Is that what you want? You want to mix it up a little bit? {Bill moans.} What was that, Bilbo Baggins?
Neal: I didn’t say anything. It was him.
Karen: Are you guys deformed or something? I mean, what’s the deal? Look, I guess I’m just gonna have to mark that locker again. This time in geek blood.
Millie: I heard about what she does in yearbook darkroom.
Lindsay: What she does? What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Millie: She does it.
Lindsay: What do you mean, “it”?
Millie: She fornicates it, okay?
Lindsay: I doubt it. And so what if does?
Millie: I just think it’s sad.
Lindsay: We can’t all be Girl Scouts, Millie.
Kim: Do you want to come over to my house for dinner?
Lindsay: Did Nick say something to you?
Kim: What do you mean?
Lindsay: Did Nick tell you to be nice to me?
Kim: Well, yeah. You know, I just figured since we have to see each other anyways all the time we may as well try to get along. So do you want to come over to my house or not?
Lindsay: I don’t know.
Mrs. Weir: Who’s Kim Kelly?
Lindsay: She’s just a friend.
Mrs. Weir: New friend? What’s she like?
Lindsay: I don’t know. She’s just a girl.
Sam: Kim Kelly’s a psycho. She and Karen Scarfolli, they’re violent. They run around the school being evil.
Mrs. Weir: That doesn’t sound very nice.
Sam: Why are you friends with Kim Kelly?
Lindsay: Don’t talk to me, okay.
Sam: Kim Kelly’s my enemy.
Lindsay: Look, if you’re going to start being a tattletale and trying to get me into trouble then maybe you should go to a different high school. I don’t need some spy reporting on my every move.
Sam: I just don’t know why you have to hang around her.
Lindsay: Why not?
Sam: Well because she and her friends are mean to me. They wrote geek on my locker.
Lindsay: Well maybe you are a geek. I’m just kidding.
Kim: My aunt Kathy was so rad. She lived in LA. She was on Kojak. She doinked Ryan O’Neal once at a party.
Lindsay: Wow. She sounds awesome.
Kim: Yeah well she’s dead. She OD’ed on coke.
Kim: So you see there’s a lot riding on this dinner. I can’t lose my car. Do you get it?
Lindsay: I don’t know if I do.
Neal: However I don’t know too many adults who still play with their Tonka Trucks.
Sam: I don’t play with Tonka Trucks.
Neal: You wanna go on the record with that statement?
Kim: My life sucks!
Lindsay: No it doesn’t.
Kim: My parents hate me, I don’t have any friends. You’re like my only friend, Lindsay. You’re a total loser. No offense.
Mrs. Weir: Sam, slow down. It’s not a race.
Mr. Weir: What’s the problem?
Mrs. Weir: Well, he usually never eats but just look at him.
Mr. Weir: Oh, he’s fine. Look at him! He could use a little meat on his bones.
Mrs. Weir: I’m just worried he might have worms. Sam, do you think you might have worms?
Sam: No.
Mr. Weir: What is it, Sam? Is he going to blow up? That’s a perfectly good piece of veal wasted.
Lindsay: I’m not going to talk to him again. Ever! So you can all just bite me!
Mr. Weir: If she’s planning on sleeping over, she can just forget about it.
Nick: Hey, uh, hey Lindsay. How’s it going?
Lindsay: How’s it going? It’s going bad.
Nick: Lindsay turned out great. She’s so great. So, um, congratulations.
Mr. Weir: Thanks.
Karen: Hey, he hit on me.
Kim: Oh yeah? Well after school I’m gonna hit on you.
Sam: Hey, thanks Kim. That was really cool.
Kim: No problem, geek.