Augustus Hill: I never lie. Not ’cause I’m so honest, but because I have a bad memory. And you can’t be a good liar if you got a bad memory.
Alvah Case: Ooo… Ryan O’Reily.
Ryan: Yo, yo, that’s me, mon.
Case: Vehicular manslaughter, reckless endangerment, possession of controlled substances, possession of a deadly weapon, violation of parole. Woo… that’s an amazing list of crimes.
Ryan: Yeah, well, you know, I applied myself.
Case: Still, I mean, even with all those talents, you must have had a hard time adjusting to life in Oz.
Ryan: No. I can take care of myself.
Case: Yeah, I can see that. But how?
Ryan: I’m like the Lord of the Fucking Dance. I got moves.
Ryan: just given a cigarette This is good. When I’m done puffing on this, I can suck on my own secondhand smoke.
Beecher: I bit the tip off a guy’s penis.
Case: So I heard.
Beecher: You’re not afraid?
Case: Well, I’ve got my pants on.
McManus walks into the cafeteria that Kenny is mopping
Wangler: McManus! You’re fucking up my floor, McManus!
Beecher: Whatcha reading? Mein Kampf? I’ll tell you how it ends. The Aryans get their ass kicked!
Schillinger is trying to get Alvarez to kill Beecher
Schillinger: I work the mail room, right. I can push whatever you need, in or out, through the system.
Alvarez: Tits?
Schillinger: Sure.
Alvarez: I thought you were anti-drugs.
Schillinger: I don’t care if you smuggle in fucking tacos. I want Beecher dead. Today.
later… it goes poorly
Schillinger: God dammit. You fucking spic cocksucker!
Alvarez: See? That’s the Schillinger I know and love.
Richie knocks on the door.
Mukada: Come in. Richie. pause What’s up?
Richie Hanlon: I love to take it in the ass.
Mukada: Uh huh.
Richie Hanlon: Now lots of people think that’s perverse, but it’s my choice. So I say fuck them, right?
Mukada: Richie, are we going someplace with all this?
Beecher: And if he does, how do you find him? It’s a needle in a haystack.
Said: Quickest way to find the needle? Burn the haystack.
Alvarez: No offense. No offense. But drop fuckin’ dead.
Alvarez: Come on, boys. Be all that you can be.
Keller: So you a fag?
Beecher: No. You?
Keller: I do what I have to.
Judge Grace Lema: Mr. Beecher, I appreciate your taking the time to see me.
Beecher: Well, you know, it’s a nice break from getting fucked up the ass.
Schillinger: Said. I read your book.
Said: I don’t give refunds.
Schillinger: Well, look who’s here. What brings you down to the low-rent district?
McManus: Hey, just because you’re not in Em City anymore doesn’t mean I don’t care what’s going on with you.
Schillinger: Bull-fucking-shit. McManus, I had to listen to your sanctimonious crap when I lived in Em City, but I don’t have to now. Bye.
McManus: All right, I don’t care how you’re doing.
Schillinger: Hey boys. Honesty.
Keller: So you never wrestled before?
Beecher: Once, in high school. When Arthur Wiener got his leg broken by Pat Lefkowski, I heard that snap, I got up, I got out.
Keller: We’ll make sure nothing of yours snaps.
Alvarez: I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ in love.
Ryan: What, is that so hard to believe? Huh? Me, in love?
Alvarez: Yeah. You, me, anybody. Not in Oz, man.
Glynn: Said is representing Vern Schillinger?
Pat Fortunato: Mm hm.
McManus: Didn’t Nostradamus predict this? Doesn’t this mean we’re two steps closer to the end of the fuckin’ world?
Schillinger: You used me.
Said: You used me. Life is balance.
Kareem Said: I understand you have some information regarding the governor James Devlin. Information of a damaging nature.
Jiggy Walker (LL Cool J): Damaging? Depends on how you view crack.
Rebadow: Busmalis, I’m beginning to have second thoughts about this excavation.
Agamemnon Busmalis: Second thoughts? Well have third thoughts.
Beecher: Don’t be mad.
Keller: I’m not mad.
Beecher: Yeah, you are.
Keller: No, it was a stupid idea. I just didn’t think things through. That’s my problem. I don’t think anything all of the fucking way through.
Beecher: I hate it when you’re self-deprecating. It’s so cute.
Ryan: Cyril. Cyril, hey. Hey. hugs long-haired Cyril
Joseph Mineo: Hey, knock it off!
Ryan: He’s my brother.
Mineo: Looks more like your sister. Knock it off.
Ryan: You leave Cyril where he is and Schillinger will suck his bones dry.
McManus: Well Schillinger’s gonna suck anyway, so why should your brother be the one that’s spared?
Hill asking Schillinger to help him escape : Is that a no?
Schillinger: Yeah. No. No, yeah, that’s a no. Get the fuck out of here before I tip you over.
Adebisi: O’Reily, if she sucks my cock, I suck yours.
Ryan: That’s an appetizing thought. *beat* Pass.
Antonio Nappa: Needless to say, I was saddened by Peter Schibetta’s rape. His father Nino and I were paisans. I’m Peter’s godfather. Glynn and Mcmanus exchange looks No, his actual godfather. At baptism.
Wangler: It’s fucking what I heard Rebadow collected like 3Gs. And that money’s gone tomorrow. Know what? I’m thinking we go to Rebadow, we take the dough, and so these other fucks don’t get mad, we make Rebadow swear he sent it.
Adebisi: No.
Wangler: What do you mean, no? It’s $3,000.
Adebisi: I said no.
Wangler: Why?
Adebisi: ‘Cause sometime it’s good to be human.
Alvarez: You trying to escape, Hill?
Hill: I been exploring the possibilities.
Alvarez: Right. Okay, well, hospital ward, that’s like a dead end. ‘Cause if there was a way out, my ass’d be like a vapor. But hey, you find a crack, you let me know, all right? moving arms like he’s pushing Hill’s wheelchair ‘Cause I’d be right there behind you, ok?
Alvarez: They say the eyes are the mirrors of the soul.
Eugene Rivera: What the fuck you talkin’ about?
Alvarez: Nice to see you.
Hill: How hard is it to hide a couple of bodies up in Oz, son? Temporarily, at least.
Mukada: Sometimes “shit” is the only word that fits.
being examined by Dr. Nathan
Shirley Bellinger: Am I well enough to die? Healthy enough to execute?
Keller gets released from the hole
Beecher: Chris. At last. Give me a kiss.
Keller: You’re drunk.
Beecher: You bet your ass I am. Did you miss me? Christ, I missed you. Come on, let’s fuck.
Keller: I been out of the hole two days, I haven’t spoken more than ten words to Beecher.
Schillinger: Yeah, I’ve seen him. He’s a fucking mess. He is on the ledge.
Keller: I say it’s about time we pushed him off.
Jonathan Coushaine: I say we institute a no swearing rule.
Raoul “El Cid” Hernandez: Fuck you.
Hill: Suck my dick.
Wangler: Asswipe.
Ryan: Cocksucker.
Chucky Pancamo: Stupid cunt.
Jaz Hoyt: Putz.