Gus: First class tickets.
Shawn: And three nights hotel. Paid for.
Gus: By a world class criminal.
Shawn: Please. Despereaux staged art thefts. That’s barely a crime.
Gus: I don’t think you’re allowed to accept lavish gifts from people you sent to prison.
Shawn: Says who? The sultan of Canada? Look, all Despereaux wants is a little face time. Ten minutes. Maybe less. He’s lonely. By himself in his Canadian prison. And we put him there. The least we can do is give him a chance to explain himself.
Gus: Oh, so I’m the crazy one for being nervous about accepting an invitation to visit from a criminal that almost killed us?
Shawn: That little gun he pointed at my head.
Gus: Twice.
Shawn: Not loaded.
Gus: How do you know?
Shawn: He told me.
Gus: You spoke to him before this?
Shawn: I follow him on Twitter.
Shawn: Gus, come on. Be a little spontaneous. Canada’s one of the top fifty countries in the world.
Gus: And how many countries are there?
Shawn: At least fifty. Maybe more.
Henry: I’m not going to bail you out this time.
Shawn: I’m not going to ask you to.
Henry: Good. Because you’ve got my only suitcase.
Shawn: See you Monday, pop.
Henry: Did you tell her yet?
Shawn: Tell who what?
Henry: Come on, Shawn. I heard the whole conversation with Gus about Juliet going off on this trip with Declan Rand and how you’re going to try to wow her and tell her how much you care about her before she gets too serious. Blah blah blah blah blah.
Shawn: I shared that with Gus in the men’s room at the Red Robin. Where were you hiding?
Henry: You butt-dialed me.
Henry: Dad. Can we never have this conversation again?
Shawn: We can certainly try.
Shawn: Dude. You addressed that to Chief Vick.
Buzz: Really? Bullet dodged.
Shawn: Just think how weird that would have been.
Gus: Are you okay?
Shawn: I accidentally turned McNabb and my father into confidantes. It’s a weird day.
Pierre Despereaux (Cary Elwes): Gentlemen.
Shawn: Prison looks good on you.
Despereaux: You call it prison. I liken it to a mid-range Sandals resort.
Despereaux: You see, Shawn, my life’s goal has always been to commit the perfect crime. I’ve always of my heists as… elegant. Victimless. But you made me feel somehow… regretful. You genuinely wanted me to be the greatest thief that ever lived.
Shawn: You know that’s right. {Gus glares at him}
Despereaux: Well gentlemen, I need you to know that I am capable of all the things you thought I could do. And more. And I’d like the opportunity to prove it to you.
Gus: You don’t have to prove to us that you’re a great criminal.
Despereaux: I want to.
Gus: You shouldn’t.
Despereaux: But I will.
Gus: Our luggage was in the trunk wasn’t it.
Shawn: Yes it was.
Gus: Our wallet’s in our bags.
Shawn: Mm hm.
Gus: Passport’s in our wallets.
Shawn: You know it. I do have this though.
Gus: Two Altoids?
Shawn: I wish. It’s a piece of chalk split in half.
Gus: If we’re out here for more than two days, I will eat you alive.
Shawn: You couldn’t eat me.
Gus: I will finish you whole.
Shawn: That doesn’t make any sense.
Gus: I will eat you in [] bite-sized pieces.
Corporal Robert Mackintosh: You know that I like you guys a lot, but last time you were here you got me fired.
Shawn: Technically you got yourself fired.
Mackintosh: By doing what you asked.
Shawn: We got you your job back.
Mackintosh: At the lowest possible level.
Despereaux: Oh Camilla Parker Bowles. I’ve been set up.
Shawn: I think we’re the ones that got set up.
Despereaux: Somebody came in and planted those things after I stole the art. I mean now they’re trying to pin me for murder. Surely you can see that.
Gus: Nope. Nope.
Shawn: No. Tell it to the judge. I don’t love you anymore.
Shawn: Lassie! What are you doing in Canada?
Lassiter: I should be asking you two the same question. I’m here to extradite Despereaux back the United States.
Gus: Which one?
Shawn: Which one what?
Gus: Which one are you freaking out about? Juliet or Despereaux?
Shawn: I don’t know. Both I guess.
Shawn: Despereaux, what are you doing here?
Despereaux: Same thing you’re doing here. Trying to prove me innocent.
Shawn: Yeah we haven’t decided if we think you’re innocent.
Gus: I did. You’re not.
Juliet: I broke up with Declan.
Shawn: Why would you do that? I mean… I just can’t do this right now. Anytime later. We can schedule it.
Juliet: Don’t bother.
Lassiter: Is this how they do things at the station?
Deputy Commissioner Ed Dykstra (Ed Lauter): No. No, usually it’s much less professional.
Despereaux: I was the pawn. I can’t be the pawn.
Shawn: I don’t know why you’re smiling. THe charges in the States are every bit as steep as the ones here.
Despereaux: I find your confidence in the American justice system adorable. They’ll never convict me.
Lassiter: We’ll convict you.
Despereaux: Now, I want to pose a question to you Shawn and I want you to consider it sincerely.
Shawn: Shoot.
Despereaux: Lunch. Friday.
Shawn: Hm. I’ll visit you in prison.
Despereaux: I’d schedule that sooner rather than later.
Juliet: Can we not do this right now? It’s okay. The way things are, it’s okay. I just really need to sort things out on my own right now.