The Aftermath
Deputy DA Chris Caldwell (Timothy Omundson): …Then you won’t mind if I record this deposition.
Seth: Sure record it. Release it on iTunes. I hope it’s a really big hit.
Sandy: Just answer the questions.
Seth about a comatose Trey: I kind of like him this way. He’s a better listener…. Sorry.
Seth: I don’t understand any of the rules to this “baseball,” they call it.
Ryan: You mean America’s pasttime?
Seth: Mm. Feels like more of a fad to me, buddy. I don’t really see it catching on.
Summer: Okay, I have an idea.
Seth: Are you going to save Chrismukkah again? ‘Cause I really enjoyed that last time.
Summer: Mr. Cooper has a nice boat.
Seth: Yeah. It’s amazing what laundered money can buy.
Seth: Hey, knock it off. Listen, you’ve got to get your mind off of everything. Who wants to go fishing?
Summer: Yeah, you guys do the hunting, we’ll do the gathering.
Ryan: I like that idea, but we don’t have any bait.
Seth: Aw… Wait, no, we have Summer. Look at this little sardine.
Seth: I mean how does being a werewolf make you a better basketball player?
Ryan: Can’t argue that one.
Summer: We have to do something. Should we bring him a snack? What does Ryan eat?
Seth: Dry cereal from a box and black coffee.
Seth: Hoodie, wifebeater, leather jacket. It’s the Ryan Atwood Escapist Ensemble.
The Shape of Things to Come
Sandy: Come on, you guys. We’ve gotta eat together. It’s a special day. You’re both seniors.
Ryan: It’s just registration.
Sandy: It’s a coming of age moment. We Cohens love coming of age moments.
Seth: You should have seen this guy at my bar mitzvah. He was frothing at the mouth.
Sandy: She kept this place in tip top shape without so much as picking up a sponge.
Ryan: Yeah. How did she do that?
Seth: Her presence kept us neat, Ryan, It’s that Protestant evil eye. It’s a powerful thing.
Sandy: She’s a woman of many talents.
Summer: This is the last time we’ll ever order pancakes before registration.
Seth: And that’s a sad thing to you?
Summer: Yes! It is sad.
Everything we do this year is for the last time. It’s like a farewell tour.
Summer: But we made it through it! No one is in juvie. Or in a jumpsuit.
Seth: I think Marissa would have worn one rather well. I do. It’s the right cut on you—
Summer: The point is. The four of us are together. It’s our senior year.
Marissa: So?
Summer: So. It’s our last time to make everything awesome.
Seth to Ryan who’s cleaning the fridge out: You sure you don’t need a haz mat suit for that?
Ryan: Look at this. Chicken skewers from the Fourth of July.
Seth: Are those things fossilized yet?
Ryan: What are you doing?
Seth: Making a Seth Cohen Starter Pack for mom, Rehab Edition. Got a little Chuck Klosterman, got Craig Thompson’s Blankets, and I’ve got Motley Crue’s Dirt. I figured it would help put my mom’s indiscretions into perspective.
Ryan: That’s very thoughtful.
Seth: Dude, Summer and I fought over a comic book for a year.
Seth: We thought you could use some breakfast. We’ve got bagels. And a support group {cue Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle}.
Summer: Captain Oats is a really good listener. Princess Sparkle, she just kind of stands there and looks cute.
Seth: You have everything you need to topple that tyrant, Taylor Townsend.
Seth: Hey Dude, you wanna play? {Ryan ignores him} More in the mood for stewing, I got it.
Seth: My stomach is far too Jewish for that ride. But I’m almost done spinning.
Summer: Do we have a number three?
Seth: Oh yeah we do. Number three, this Carnival is the best this school has ever seen. And not just because I cancelled Shenanigans.
Summer after Ryan punches Dean Hess: Oh my god!
Seth: That’s not good.
Seth: Taylor Townsend.
Summer: She is Karl Rove!
The End of Innocence
Ryan: I thought we might be able to start with something that didn’t involve me getting arrested.
Seth: Is it my fault that most of our half-baked adolesent schemes goes hopelessly awry and my dad has to bail us out?
Ryan: Uh, usually, yeah.
Summer: Blacks ops maneuvers commence at twenty-one hundred hours. Synchronize your watch.
Seth: This was my plan.
Summer: Fine. What do I do?
Seth: That twenty-one hundred thing sounded pretty cool. And then we’re going to synchronize our watches. We have to get watches.
The Last Waltz
Seth as Marissa disappears into Newport Union: And that was the last they ever saw of her.
Seth: Here you go, my little social chair maven.
Seth: Are you sure this is detention? It’s got more of a work release feel.
Seth: You plan the dance and leave the toilets to me. {beat} I was hoping that’d sound a little more heroic.
Summer: No, I got it.
Seth: Alright, come on buddy, get ready. For old-fashioned Seth/Ryan Time.
Seth about Ryan and Marissa: Well, that is a pickle.
Ryan: That’s it? No advice?
Seth: What advice? Call her, apologize. It’s not rocket science. Man. You home school kids are pathetic.
Ryan: Hello.
Seth: Hey. Are you stocking the larder?
Sandy: Your mom’s making me lamb ragout. It’s French. Now where’re you headed—? noticing Seth’s attire Where are you headed?
Seth: Dance. There’s a beach theme.
Ryan: I’m gonna drop in on Marissa, see if she needs a study break, maybe grab a bite.
Taylor: Hi everybody! Everyone, hi. I’m Taylor Townsend, your social chair. And I would like to thank you all for coming.
Seth: Relax. She’s not taking credit for it.
Taylor: Thank you. So this dance has been my baby now for quite a while.
Seth: Okay, she’s taking credit for it.
Summer: I am going to kill her.
Taylor: But there is one person without whose help none of this could ever have happened.
Seth: See, she’s gonna—
Taylor: Dean Hess.
Seth: Oh.
Summer: I’m gonna kill the both of them.
Seth: Wait.
Taylor: So everyone, have fun. Because this really is the end of Summer.
Seth: Gee, now you kinda set yourself up for that one.
Ryan: Seth what are you doing here?
Seth to Ryan: I’m here to stop you man. And if that means throwing myself between you and the gym, I only ask that you spare the face.
The Perfect Storm
Kirsten: You know you’re going to be exposed to a lot of new things in college next year.
Seth: Yeah, horny co-eds and alcohol poisoning. I just don’t think they’re gonna have French fusion on the menu.
Summer: You know, college fairs are kind of like shopping. It’s all about brand recognition.
Seth: Did you know Princeton was once called the College of New Jersey.
Seth: He could be off joining the Foreign Legion. Joining a cult. Ryan could be… I don’t know, he could be taking place in a mass marriage right now. Drinking Kool-aid. With brand new sneakers. So many sick things…
Seth to Ryan: Dude, where were you? We were about to sound an Amber Alert.
Seth: Ryan’s about a yellow slicker and a graveyard away from becoming the Gorton’s fisherman.
Summer: Huh. Yeah, not getting the reference.
Summer: Wait, we can’t text her an apology. Wait, we’re texting her an apology?
Seth: Mm mm. An invitation. I got a room at the Mermaid Motel.
Summer: You mean the place where Ryan may or may not have conceived Theresa’s baby and where Marissa’s mom and Luke got it on?
Seth: Newport’s very own den of sin.
Summer: Ew. But I like it.
Seth: You realize Ryan, of all of our hair-brained schemes—of which there are many—quitting school for a life at sea, it may be number one.
Ryan: I can’t say the idea’s gotten an enthusiastic response. Except from your dad, who’s throwing me a dinner.
Seth: He’s calling your bluff.
Ryan: I’m not bluffing.
Seth: I would say it was working.
Ryan: I think he’s just hoping to give me enough rope to hang myself.
Seth: And instead you’ve fashioned said rope into a perfect little sailor’s knot.
Seth: Hey. It’s The Return of the Not-So-Ancient Mariner.
Seth: I came up with some other pitches for jobs with you, but I should warn you that it’s, like, wacky!
Ryan: Okay. Alright.
Seth: Okay. Ryan Atwood: Bull Fighter.
Summer: Oo! Big hat, like tight red pants and a little red coat.
Ryan: Alright, but I don’t speak Spanish.
Seth: Neither do bulls. Ryan Atwood: Bounty Hunter.
Summer: Yeah, you could have like a crossbow and a badge and steel-toed boots. You like those.
Ryan: How about Ryan Atwood: Coward.
Marissa: Oh, I think that may have been a little harsh.
Ryan: You think so?
Marissa: It got your attention.
Seth: Ryan Atwood: Fluffer.
All: Fluffer? What?
Seth: I’ll explain it later.
The Swells
Seth: The break up, they get back together. Whatever. It’s the natural cycle. It has to do with the tides.
Summer: No, it’s different now! If they break up now she could disappear. She could get swallowed up in Newport Union. It’s like the Bermuda Triangle.
Taylor: Have you heard about the lock-in tomorrow night? The entire senior class is gonna spend the night in the gym.
Summer: Oo! We can’t make it.
Seth: Yeah. I’m taking off my arm with a hacksaw.
Taylor: Oh. Well that’s a shame. You’re gonna have to miss that. Lock-in’s mandatory. It counts as a class.
Ryan: What’s that about?
Seth: I don’t know. Summer called. She said something about you getting to some guy’s house on Dune Row right away. Some emergency.
Ryan: Is it Marissa?
Seth: I don’t know. My cell phone was confiscated. Which I do believe is a violation of my civil liberties!
Seth’s Voicemail: This is Seth. It’s 2005. You know how these things work.
Seth: I’m freaking out right now. I’m using a payphone and god knows what Asian strain of lip herpes I’m contracting.
Ryan: That’s disgusting. I’ll be there as soon as possible.
Seth to Taylor about the flying shoe: You gotta watch out for those. {to everyone} Uh, hi everybody. My name is Seth Cohen. Of the West Coast Cohens. And I was feeling like we should all play a delicious game of Capture-the-Flag. Now I should warn all of you, I’m very talented at this game. Yeah, I was all-camp Capture-the-Flag at Camp Tacahoe.
The Anger Management
Ryan: Maybe the girls should pick the movie next time.
Seth: Ah, do I have to remind you about the Bring It On phase?
Summer: Now that is an awesome movie.
Ryan: I’m not looking for trouble.
Volchok: Maybe you should have thought about that before jumping in the other night.
Summer: What, like you didn’t start it by hooking up with someone’s girlfriend?
Seth: Good point. {Volchok’s friends look at him} Or that’s unnecessary to continuity. Either/or.
Seth: Dude, all I’m saying is you just got back into Harbor, okay? You do not want to go back to the wasteland of home schooling.
Ryan: I told you, I’m not gonna fight him.
Seth: I hear you. And I want to believe you, but I also know Kid Chino. Sometimes when his back’s up against the wall, those fists of fury—
Ryan: Kid Chino is retired. He hung up the hoodie. So just relax, alright?
Seth: Even if I didn’t love Summer? Her and I, we’re totally incompatible, seeing as how she’s crazy and I’m not.
Ryan: I thought you said she wasn’t that bad.
Seth: Taylor Townsend? In fourth grade she campaigned against making the school handicap accessible. She said it was “reverse Darwinism”. Besides who— who— wants Dean Hess’ seconds.
Taylor: Look, can we talk?
Seth: Yeah, but before you say anything—
Taylor: I like you.
Seth: Ah, boy.
Taylor: I know. It totally surprised me too, because I don’t usually go for the R. Crumb type. But the heart has its own logic.
Seth: Hm. Hm. Yeah, well, I’m with Summer though. So…
Taylor: I heard you were breaking up.
Seth: What? Who said that?
Taylor: I made it up. But what did you feel when you heard it? Relief?
Seth: No.
Seth trying to get the bartender’s attention: Hey. Hey, Buddy! {no luck} I used to work here!
Taylor: Hello Seth.
Seth: Taylor. Hey!
Taylor: Is Summer here?
Seth: Okay, look. I love Summer. And always have. Now while you and I may share an appreciation for ultra violent Asian cinema, there is no way—
Summer walking up: What’s going on?
Seth: Tell me you just heard what I was saying.
Taylor: Hi Summer. You look really cute.
Summer: I know. But more importantly why are you always talking to my boyfriend?
Seth: Listen to me. Nothing happened at the lock-in.
Summer: Uh huh. And yet you still felt the need to lie about her being in your room?
Seth: Because I knew how you’d react. Not that it’s your fault. I’m saying it’s my fault. Definitely my fault.
Summer: You know what is my fault? {smacks Seth}. That!
Summer: Yakuza? Were you with Taylor?
Seth: She’s having an emotional crisis.
Summer: Yeah, well she’s about to have a physical one.
Seth: Summer, she thinks you’re her friend.
Summer: What? She is crazy. I hate her.
Seth: I know! You along with everyone else.
Summer: How bad do you want to go home right now and watch that movie?
Seth: So bad it might actually kill me.
The Game Plan
Seth: Okay picture me at college. Big fish in a small pond or small fish in a big pond?
Ryan: I don’t know. I never really pictured you living in a pond.
Seth: Me neither.
Summer: I can’t even pick out my shoes in the morning, let alone plan the rest of my life.
Seth: It’s okay, it’s only four years. And, according to this brochure it’s supposed to be the high-point of an otherwise miserable existence.
Seth: I just had a meeting with the counselor and she said I had a very good shot at getting in. Because I’m awesome.
Ryan: Is this your first choice?
Seth: Dude, it’s my only choice. It’s liberal, it’s turtleneck weather, and most importantly it’s 30,000 miles away from here.
Ryan: It’s safe to say you’re not applying to Berkeley. have you told your dad?
Seth: Sandy Cohen’s a perceptive guy. I’m sure he’ll figure it out.
Ryan: Seth, you gotta tell him.
Seth: “Dad, I’m not applying to Berkeley. Where did you get a gun? Why do you have this gun?” That doesn’t have a good ring to it.
Summer: Cohen, you’re needed upstairs now.
Seth: Tell my parents I love them.
Summer: These are our college lists. Do you see a difference?
Seth: Yeah. The font. Looks like you went with the, ah, Times New Roman.
Summer: The schools, doofus. None of them are the same. None of them are even in the same time zone.
Seth: Okay, so you know, you went West Coast, I went East Coast. It’s not a hip-hop war.
Summer: We are going to be separated by like a zillionbillion miles. I was up all last night thinking about that.
Seth: You were?
Summer: You haven’t even given this a second thought, have you?
Seth: Summer, what a second.
Summer: Too late, Cohen!
Summer: What is it, Cohen?
Seth: We need to talk. I brought visual aids.
Seth: Hey, sorry for ducking out earlier.
Sandy: Yeah, you missed my story about playing Nanki-Poo in The Mikado.
Seth: Listen, Summer’s upstairs ordering things from LL Bean, so I have to, you know…
Sandy: Hurry! Hurry!
The Disconnect
Seth: You know I read a study once that said that if 1500 third graders took the SATs one would get a perfect score by probability alone.
Summer: Hm. Yeah. I’m not a third grader, Cohen.
Seth: No, no, I’m not saying you are, but I mean how else do you explain it?
Summer: I dunnow.
Seth: How is that even possible?
Ryan: Well, she did save Chrismukkah.
Seth: So was Marissa totally cool with you canceling on her last night?
Ryan: Didn’t have a problem with it.
Seth: But do you have a problem with it?
Ryan: Why would I— I cancelled on her.
Seth: Yeah but if it were me I’d have a problem with it. And if, you know, I cancelled on you and you didn’t have a problem with it then I might have a problem with that.
Ryan: Sounds like you already got a problem. And not with me.
Ryan: Don’t do this man.
Seth: Do what?
Ryan: Compete with Summer.
Seth: Why? Because you think Summer would win?
Summer: Well maybe I never had a dream. You know, maybe for once in my life I actually want to do something in my life. Like something important. Be the first woman in space or win one of the noble prizes.
Seth: Summer, women have been going to space since the 60s. And it’s not noble prizes, it’s Nobel prize. Marie Curie won in 1903 for discovering radium.
Summer: I think you’ve made your point.
Kirsten: Is that a pirate costume?
Seth: Summer and I are at war.
Sandy: A pirate war?
Seth: Well it turns out Brown usually takes only one student from Harbor and we both want to be it so I need a hook.
Sandy: Oh, you mean like a Captain Hook?
Summer: I was wondering, what makes a student stand out?
Seth: Yes, besides good grades.
Summer: And high SAT scores.
Brown Rep: Well all our applicants are leaders at their schools. What it really takes is a hook.
Summer: Fascinating.
Seth: Okay, okay. And could you clarify with an example?
Seth: Did you just whack me with your tuba?
Summer: Did you just jab me with your peg leg?
Seth: It’s a tap, you little whacker.
Summer: Jab, jabber. Why do you have to be better than me at everything.
Seth: See, that’s just it, Summer. I’m not better than you at everything. There was one thing that I was better at.
Seth: So, Ryan. You’re a working man now. How’s the job going? Model homes, calculators, dudes in suits. I bet that’s pretty exciting stuff.
Ryan: You’d be surprised. So would Marissa.
Seth: Oo. What’s she been up to?
Ryan: I don’t know. I’ll ask her when I see which hopefully will be tonight. What’s with all the questions?
Seth: Nothing. I’m just trying to exhaust all your issues ’til we get to mine. Have we covered everything? {Ryan acquiesces} My biggest fear, stated plainly: what if Summer’s being smart changes our whole dynamic?
Ryan: Why would it?
Seth: Because my intelligence was the one quality she admired in me. It made me almost a man in her eyes.
Ryan: C’mon, man. That’s not true. You’ve got plenty of other positive qualities. You’re funny. When you want to be.
Seth: Have you noticed how Summer’s gotten a lot funnier lately? I mean I think she’s funnier than me now.
Ryan: You’re an expert in comic books and Yakuza films.
Seth: Girls don’t like that.
Ryan: You know how to work a grill. I’m sorry, man, I’m sorry. I thought I would come up with more. The point is Summer doesn’t want to be you, she wants to be with you. Right? You want that too, so—
Seth: Apologize, I know.
Seth: I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass, okay. It’s just, you’re superior to me in so many ways. You’re better looking, you’re more popular, you’re stronger… and not just emotionally.
Summer: Cohen, I’ll always look up to you. And not just because you’re taller than me.
The Chrismukkah Bar Mitzvahkkah
Seth: Seriously. I think you should really consider it.
Ryan: What, a Bar Mitzvah?
Seth: Yeah. You’ve brought some much needed Chris to the Cohens, but I think you really use some Kah.
Ryan: I don’t think so.
Seth: That’s tough talk for a guy that eats a lot of bagels.
Summer: And what do you think, Cohen?
Seth: My Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble.
Ryan to Johnny: We brought you a little something for the holidays.
Seth: It only took Summer five hours to pick it out.
Seth: If any of you were even remotely Jewish I would just say we could pool our Bar Mitzvah money, but— Holy crap, that’s it.
Summer: What’s it?
Ryan: Oh… no no no no no. No way, dude.
Seth: Yes. Way dude.
Ryan: I’m sorry, alright. I can’t. I won’t.
Seth: Will.
Ryan: I’m not having it.
Summer: Having what?
Seth: A Bar Mitzvah.
Summer: What?! laughs Ryan gets Bar Mitzvahed. Now that is funny.
Ryan: Yeah, see. Summer’s laughing.
Seth: No. That’s just gas. Now listen, this wouldn’t be an ordinary Bar Mitzvah. You know what this would be? Wait for it… wait for it. A Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vakkah. Spell that, dude.
Ryan: That’s crazy.
Seth: Yeah? So crazy it just might work.
Marissa: So we throw a big party.
Summer: And Ryan gets the money from the Bar Mitzvah.
Marissa: And then we can spend it on Johnny’s surgery.
Ryan: How is this gonna work? Am I just gonna stand in front of Newport and sing Hebrew?
Seth: You chant. And hell yes.
Summer: Cohen, why don’t you go comb out Princess Sparkle’s tail? You know how it relaxes you.
Seth: Summer, what are you— what are you talking about? I wouldn’t… Is the comb where I left it?
Sandy: It’s a sacred religious event. A tradition that marks a Jewish child’s obligation to observe the Ten Commandments.
Seth: I’m sorry. And that’s the problem with the Jews right there. We have no concept of marketing.
Ryan: I can’t believe this is you.
Seth: Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward, I know.
Ryan: No, but seriously. You went out in public like this?
Seth: It’s one of the unfortunate truths of the Bar Mitzvah, Ryan. It’s the most awkward time in a young Jewish boy’s life. But also the most photographed.
Ryan: Is there a videotape too?
Seth: You would have to kill me first.
Seth: As soon as you hear “that’s what friends are for” you’re done.
Ryan: That song is Jewish?
Seth: It might as well be. It’s a staple of every Bar Mitzvah. It’s you and all your friends, your arms around each other swaying. It’s awesome.
Ryan: I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke’s birthday party.
Seth: It’s hypothetically awesome.
Young Seth: This is my funeral. Not my Bar Mitzvah. And no one showed up. And you said Summer Roberts was coming.
Seth: Jews don’t believe in saints. Just really good stand up comics.
Sandy: Marissa, come join us. You’re practically family.
Seth: I think technically she is.
Seth: Seth Cohen. Hello. Ryan… forgot his glasses so he’s going to be right back.
Sandy: Ryan doesn’t wear glasses.
Seth: He does when he’s reading from right to left.
Seth: And Marissa Cooper will be playing the miraculous oil. Oo, I hope I didn’t give away the ending.
The Safe Harbor
Summer: I cannot believe it is our last semester of high school.
Seth: I know. College applications have been sent off, studying, homework, learning… all the reasons to come here are pretty much over.
Summer: This school is apathetic. They need someone who can inspire. Someone who can intimidate.
Seth: They need Taylor.
Summer: Yeah. You know, maybe it’s better to be feared than loved. Cohen, you have my permission to do whatever it takes.
Seth: What is it?
Summer: I’m picturing, like, Indecent Proposal. You’re Demi. Naturally. And Taylor is the leather-faced guy who talks to horses.
Seth: You want me to trade sex for signatures?
Summer: Get her on board. I want Marissa back at this school.
Seth: I feel so dirty.
Summer: Taylor, who out of our group would be better at winning over the hearts and minds of the student body?
Taylor: Did you say “our group”?
Seth: Great! So you’ll do it.
Taylor: It’s an honor to share your foxhole.
Summer: I can’t believe we spent all day canvassing and we only have like 13 signatures.
Seth: Say what you want about Taylor, the girl’s connected. Cheerleaders, water polo players, the band. She turned, they all turned.
Ryan: Alright, so it’s down to the three of us, the AV club, and the comic book geeks.
Seth: Actually Leon is still a bit of a hold out.
Taylor withdraws from the campaign
Seth: I guess that means no button guy.
Summer: Seth!
Seth: I just wanted to meet the button guy!
Seth: I have been sanctioned to offer you sexual favors. I swear Summer said it was okay.
Taylor: Wow. Anything else, you would facing a long night. Involving candle wax, tubesocks and the new Fiona Apple CD. But Marissa, I can’t.
Seth: Okay, well, lucky for both of us I have the option to forego manwhoring and make an appeal to your heart. Because I know that you have one.
Taylor: Seth, don’t.
Seth: No, I am your friend. So is Summer and so is Ryan. And if Marissa came back, you’d have her too.
Taylor: Okay, you don’t get it. My mom is a sports agent.
Seth: Your mom’s a sorts agent? I thought she was just a bored, bitter Newpsie.
Taylor: She’s a bored, bitter ball-buster. 300-pound football players go to her when they need something done. pause. She threatened to take away my car.
Seth: We’ll give you a ride to school.
Taylor: Not to pay for college.
Seth: You can get a scholarship.
Taylor: I’m sorry.
Seth: Fine. But as your friend I’m going to beg you to do one thing: Do not grow up to be like your mom, ’cause you’re too good for that.
Seth: No word back from Taylor.
Ryan: We’ve gotta leave in an hour and no sign of Marissa.
Summer: So what are you guys saying?
Seth: That this was a valiant campaign.
Ryan: Yeah, really valiant.
Seth: One any general would be proud of.
Summer: Surrender, much? I bet Napoleon never talked like this.
Ryan: Well, maybe he should have before he was defeated and exiled.
Seth: Summer, my little Empress, this is our Waterloo. Let’s just retreat and minimize collateral damage.
Summer: Well, can’t we just wait a couple of minutes before we raise the white flag? She’s always late. I mean, maybe she got lost. Or something.
Summer: Surrender much? I bet Napoleon never talked like this.
Ryan: Well, maybe he should have before he was defeated and exiled.
Seth: Summer, my little Empress, this is our Waterloo. Let’s just retreat and minimize collateral damage.
The Sister Act
Seth: Marissa got back into Harbor. You guys seem to have resolved your surftastic love triangle. My girlfriend got a near perfect score on her SATs but we’ve never been happier.
Ryan: Seth, it’s senior year. It’s supposed to be the best year ever.
Seth: No, you should know better. Every time things are going too well around here, that’s when doom comes a knockin’.
Ryan: Doom?
Seth: A knockin’. doorbell Or a ringin’. Right on time. Don’t answer it. It’s probably a flaming bag of crap.
Ryan: Or FedEx.
Summer: Mini Cooper?
Seth: Mini Coop not so mini.
Seth: Are you talking about Kaitlin’s transformation from horsey tweener to lanky lean jailbait?
Seth: I love how people just come in now. No more of that useless back and forth to the front door.
Summer: Of course I didn’t mean to hit you.
Seth: I know. I just find it interesting how your hand collided with my face.
The Pot Stirrer
Seth: Dude, I planned my first escape on an Etch-a-Sketch. This is my dream. It’s just, I don’t know, man. It’s real.
Ryan: Well, why don’t you talk to Summer about it. I mean, I’m sure she’s freaking out a bit, too.
Seth: I’ll be fine. Seriously. This is just my process.
Ryan: Fair enough. You’re pouring coffee in your cereal.
Ryan: “Who has been the greatest influence in your intellectual development?”
Summer: Um, Miuccia Prada.
Seth: You probably wanna say something more like Einstein or—
Summer: So you want me to lie?
Seth: No, it’s just, uh, I don’t think Prada is the answer they’re looking for.
Summer: Well this interview could determine the rest of our lives, right? Well, if I say something I don’t believe in I could end up with the wrong life. How awful would that be?
Ryan: She has a point.
Summer: I have to go get a mani-pedi.
Seth: Summer.
Summer: Cohen. If you memorize the answers you think they want to hear, that’s fine. But I believe in being myself. And by the way, Miuccia Prada combines styles from time periods in a way that people never even imagined possible.
Sandy: I spent a month practicing how to say “Dude.”
Seth: You still say it kinda—
Seth: I was saving the whole drug thing for college. Plus my dad smoked pot at Berkeley, so it’s pretty much ruined for me.
Seth: You know I was taught that when you have something good, what you’re supposed to do is you hang on to it. You know? You hang on to it with both hands. And if someone tries to take it from you. what you should do is you should make sure they pry it from your cold, dead fingers.
Seth: You’re a mystery solver. You’re like an Encyclopedia Brown.
Seth: I love it when you go for the comedy. But I would not quit your day job beating up people.
Seth: Dude, I am not stoned anymore.
Ryan: Okay, then why are you in my shower?
Seth: Woah. How’d that happen?
Ryan: Just drink the coffee.
The Cliff Hanger
Seth: So I wanted to be alone. Are you the only one in this family that’s allowed to brood?
Ryan: Man, whatever it is, you can tell me.
Seth: My Brown interview did not go so well. Actually it didn’t go at all.
Ryan: Blew it off?
Seth: Yep. And then for the cherry on top of that I went ahead and lied to Summer about it.
Ryan: Right. Well, why not talk to her?
Seth: Yeah, it’s just Summer was over pot by the tenth grade. She thinks it’s totally juvenile. It’d be like telling her I’m into Beanie Babies.
Ryan: Well, at least tell her you missed the interview. You do that, I’ll keep quiet about the rest of it.
Seth: We’re getting dangerously close to an After-School Special here, Ryan. It’s marijuana and I did it twice.
Ryan: So you’re telling me you didn’t come down here to buy a bag?
Seth: Fine. I wasn’t going to smoke anymore anyways.
Summer: Cohen, you are in a deceit spiral. And if you don’t stop now, you could turn in to some creepy old men who have secret attics where they hide stolen money and porn.
Seth: Okay, first of all? That sounds awesome. Second of all, it could be worse. I got scared.
Summer: Scared?
Seth: Yeah. Tongue-tied, dizzy, my bladder felt weak.
Seth: Hey. Morning.
Ryan: Mm.
Seth: Oh no! The Atwood grunt. That’s never a good sign. What’s the matter? I’m gonna guess Marissa. Or Johnny. Or maybe Kaitlin. I’m gonna say probably a combo pack.
Summer: What’s that smell?
Seth: It is… incense. I was doing yoga plus I had some really bad gas.
Summer: Gross.
The Heavy Lifting
Seth: You can’t blame yourself. You tried.
Ryan: And failed.
Seth: Well you can’t beat yourself up over it. I mean, Ryan Atwood against Ryan Atwood?
Seth: Small town. Very good cell service.
Seth: Because inside my manly exterior beats the heart of a 14 year old girl.
Sandy: Who knew women’s panties were such a minefield?
Seth: Don’t say panties.
Summer: Hm. That’s pretty smart. You may just have rocked my world. I’m wearing the thong.
Seth: Yeah, that’s… that’s my mom’s.
Summer: Ew.
The Road Warrior
Seth: I’ve got two girls in bikinis trying to seduce me. Which sounds awesome. But I’m scared, I’m wet, and I’m cold, Ryan.
Ryan: Okay. Alright, I’ll be right there. I just gotta towel off.
Seth: Why do you have to towel off?
Seth: Dude, where are you?
Ryan: Indio. How much trouble am I in?
Seth: Ah, none yet. Mom and Dad think you’re helping inner city kids paint an overpass mural. I’m rolling around in your bed right now. So it looks slept in.
Ryan: You probably do that anyway.
Seth: So? Have a little gratitude.
Ryan: You’re right. I owe you. But trust me, it’s for a good cause.
Seth: Any chance you want to clue me in on what the cause is?
Ryan: The less you know the better. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Except the bed thing. That’s just creepy.
Seth: I love what you’ve done there. You could probably get a cable TV show to pay for that. HDTV’s Extremely Sad Makeovers.
Summer: Oy.
Seth: As in vey? Atta girl.
Taylor: Does he still have the things on his… thing?
Seth: Oh no no. A little penicillin cleared that right up. Looks fantastic.
Taylor: awkward. Good. That’s good.
Taylor: You know what? Never mind all that. This is an emergency. Summer’s going to majorly wig when she finds out who her dad is dating.
Seth: Yeah, well. Whoever it is, staying out of it.
Taylor: Julie Cooper. I caught them having an illicit liaison and the way they were talking was totally perverted.
Seth: Wow. Wait. Perverted how?
Taylor: Just what are we going to tell Summer?
Summer: What’s who going to tell Summer?
Seth: Do I need to call a locksmith?
Summer: What are you doing here, T-Bag?
Seth: Dude, where are you?
Ryan: Indio. How much trouble am I in?
Seth: Ah, none yet. Mom and Dad think you’re helping inner city kids paint an overpass mural. I’m rolling around in your bed right now. So it looks slept in.
Ryan: You probably do that anyway.
Seth: So? Have a little gratitude.
Ryan: You’re right. I owe you. But trust me, it’s for a good cause.
Seth: Any chance you want to clue me in on what the cause is?
Ryan: The less you know the better. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Except the bed thing. That’s just creepy.
Taylor: Seth, what are you doing?
Seth: Ryan’s painting a mural. Hey. What are you doing here? How’d you get in?
Taylor: You know what? Never mind all that. This is an emergency. Summer’s going to majorly wig when she finds out who her dad is dating.
Seth: Yeah, well. Whoever it is, staying out of it.
Taylor: Julie Cooper. I caught them having an illicit liaison and the way they were talking was totally perverted.
Seth: Wow. Wait. Perverted how?
Taylor: Just what are we going to tell Summer?
Summer: What’s who going to tell Summer?
Seth: Do I need to call a locksmith?
Summer: What are you doing here, T-Bag?
The Journey
Kirsten: Ryan, I forgot to ask. Do you have any request for your birthday on Sunday?
Seth: Sunday’s your birthday?
Ryan: Thanks buddy.
Sandy: Not just any birthday. Ryan’s turning 18. Becoming a fully-franchised citizen of this great democratic experiment we call America.
Seth: Yes, we all know you went to law school. The important thing is we need a party.
Seth: You only know like, us. And Summer. And—
Ryan: Marissa and I are broken up. I’m gonna go do some homework.
Seth: Okay. {Ryan leaves}. I was totally going to say Marissa.
Seth: I’m in charge of Ryan’s birthday.
Summer: Wait. Ryan’s birthday is now? What was he thinking?
Seth: I don’t know. He didn’t exactly plan it.
Seth: Hey man, you busy?
Ryan: Would it matter?
Seth: Not really. Now in my capacity as Birthday Captain I went ahead and reserved the Bait Shop for Sunday.
Ryan: I guess you don’t remember me saying small.
Seth: I did. I chose to ignore it. Do you want to see the invitations? The store made me print like a hundred. I told them you only knew like four people but it was some kind of a policy.
Ryan: Get me one for Sadie.
Seth: Sadie, huh? Interesting.
Ryan: She’s a friend.
Seth: Okay, well, what do you want to do with this? holds up Marissa’s invitation
Ryan: You’re the Birthday General.
Seth: First of all, I’m the Birthday Captain. And the decision of whether to invite Marissa or not is way beyond my pay grade.
Seth: So are you feeling more mature? Like you want to go out and vote up a storm?
Ryan: Fighting the urge.
Summer: What did Ryan say when you gave him Marissa’s invitation?
Seth: Nothing. Just got this sort of confused, wounded look.
Summer: The man’s got a disease.
Seth: Well, if you’re dating Julie Cooper…
Ryan: So what exactly was the thinking here?
Seth: Well, turning 18 is all about assuming your adult identity, right? So I thought I would show you all the different avenues available to you.
Ryan: Because I might want to be a cowboy.
Seth: Or my personal favorite, but no less gay, Fireman Ryan.
The Undertow
Seth: Who knew my new PlayStation idol would be your new girlfr— new…
Sadie: Friend.
Seth: Friend… Girl friend.
Summer: Nice save.
Sadie: I think friend is the word.
Ryan: I’m gonna get that.
Sadie: Nice dodge.
Ryan: Thanks.
Summer: Mm. You smell so good.
Seth: You like the smell of salami?
Summer: Cohen!
Seth: What? I had a salami sub and I feel like it’s lingering.
Seth: Ugh. Get a room.
Sandy: Hey, count your blessings. Kids with affectionate parents grow up to be better adjusted sexually as adults.
Seth: I know. I meant get a room. My room. And do it in front of me.
Seth: Is that a no to the Wheelbarrow?
Summer: I’ll Wheelbarrow you.
Summer: We should fight, like, everyday.
Seth: I’m pretty sure I can make that happen.
The Secrets and Lies
Summer: I’m sounding out a hot new couple alert. Act like you knew nothing.
Seth: I don’t.
Seth: So if the body doesn’t lie…
Summer: Then it’s saying, “Ew.”
Seth: “Ew”? Or “Touch my pooper”?
Seth: Tense, tightly-wound shut-in. That’s all I want out of you, okay? It’s kind of a Boo Radley-shade. Far away from The Bait Shop and all of it’s unsavory characters.
Kirsten: Hey handsome men!
Seth and Sandy: Where?
Seth: Ah, I just made the same joke as my dad. That’s a bad sign.
Sandy: Your father happens to be hilarious. It’s just hard to tell these days.
Summer: Volchok is Atwood’s kryptonite. He’ll totally Hulk out.
Seth: You’re mixing comic book metaphors. But you think we can keep Marissa quiet?
Summer: Marissa? She can barely put two words together these days.
Seth: She’s usually such a wordsmith.
Summer: What does she see in that guy? He’s so dirty and greasy.
Seth: He’s got good abs. Women like abs. I got a six-pack myself. I know.
Summer: Cohen, those are your ribs.
Seth: Oh.
Summer: You didn’t mention a word to Ryan?
Seth: Spoil his good mood? He practically skipped out of the kitchen.
Summer: Atwood skipping? Now there’s a disturbing and… odd visual.
Seth: Picture this one: Ryan dancing. It’s what this woman does to him. If you wanna keep the skip in his step we gotta keep Volchok off his radar.
Summer: Aw. about the video game You play. Volchok is Atwood’s kryptonite. He’ll totally Hulk out.
Seth: You’re mixing comic book metaphors. But you think we can keep Marissa quiet?
Summer: Marissa? She can barely put two words together these days.
Seth: She’s usually such a wordsmith.
Summer: What does she see in that guy? He’s so dirty and greasy.
Seth: He’s got good abs. Women like abs. I got a six-pack myself. I know.
Summer: Cohen, those are your ribs.
Seth: Oh.
Summer: We have a major problem. Marissa just bailed on our parents’ engagement party to skank out with the surf Nazi.
Seth: Your dad and Julie got engaged? You kind of buried the lede there, Summer.
Summer: We’ve got bigger fish here, Cohen. Marissa is on a slut spiral and we need to stop her.
Seth: When did this door get a lock on it?
The Day After Tomorrow
Seth: All this time I thought getting into college would make things so much easier.
Ryan: Yeah. Not gonna happen.
Seth: There’s a cold front coming through.
Seth: No more hugging, though. Physical contact freaks me out.
Ryan: Hey, man. Summer was looking for you. I invited her for tonight.
Seth: Cool. Good.
Ryan: Everything okay?
Seth: Yeah. No. It’s just that if she sees me she’ll dress me like a Timberland Barbie. Did you invite Sadie?
Ryan: I’m goin’ over to her place after school.
Seth: Did you tell her you got into Berkeley?
Ryan: No. It’s just kind of difficult. I mean we haven’t really been going out that long, but what do you do when only one of you is going to college?
Seth: Man I wish I knew.
Summer: I can’t believe Ryan and Sadie are moving to Berkeley together. I think that’s so romantic.
Seth: I don’t know what Ryan’s thinking.
Summer: What are you talking about?
Seth: Well he’s 18. I just think college should come first.
Summer: Not if you’re with the one you think you should be with. That you’ll forever be with.
Seth: Who really knows that at 18?
Summer: I do. long silence Oh my god. You don’t.
Seth: Did you talk to the parents yet?
Ryan: You know what? In hindsight, breaking the Sadie news to them that way? Probably not a good plan.
Seth: Well at least my dad didn’t have an actual heart attack at the table. So that’s a plus.
Ryan: Seth, uh, I gotta ask. Did you really get into Brown?
Seth: Did I get into—? Ryan, now who’s smoking pot. Listen to me: the only class that I’ve ever gotten less than an A in is gym. My essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry. So of course I… augh, how could I not get in?
Ryan: Why are you lying about it?
Seth: For Summer.
Ryan: Well, don’t you think she’s going to notice when you’re not there first semester?
Seth: She said that if I didn’t get in and she did, she wouldn’t go to Brown. I’m not gonna let her do that. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.
Ryan: Well I think that’s up to her. Sorry man, I think you gotta tell her the truth.
The Dawn Patrol
Ryan: Still lying to everybody about everything?
Seth: I’m trying to talk as little as possible.
Teacher: You do an impression of me, Mr. Cohen?
Seth: Ah. No, no, I don’t do any impressions. I don’t, um, use props, I don’t like jokes in general.
Teacher: Well, why don’t you work on some one-liners in Dr. Kim’s office.
Seth to Captain Oats: You didn’t get into Brown too, did you?
Seth: I don’t love you anymore.
Seth: Gonna be a long night, Ryan. A lot of whining, a lot of pining, ah, maybe some brainstorming, you don’t mind?
Ryan: It’s good to be home. Alright, how are we going to get your Summer back?
Seth: Plan A: I fake my own death. You never wanna underestimate the power of the sympathy vote.
Ryan: Is there a plan B?
Seth: Yeah yeah. Uh, I could hack in through the Brown firewall into the Admission’s office mainframe and reverse my acceptance.
Ryan: That’s actually a good idea. You know how to do that?
Seth: I had an uncle that went to DeVry.
The College Try
Seth: You taking all that? You only own like, a wifebeater and two hoodies.
Ryan: So, um, you’re going to fly to Brown…
Seth: And then I will somehow get them to admit me. Yeah. I don’t have the, ah, details, okay? But Brown’s a spiritual place. I’ll go, I’ll get a vibe, you know, bump into the ghost of Old Man Brown. Or whoever they named the school after.
Ryan: I just don’t want to see you get deeper into this mess, okay?
Seth: Dude, you’re going to Berkeley with your ex-girlfriend.
Ryan goes to hug Seth
Seth: We can save the hug for later.
Ryan: Yeah, okay.
Ryan: Hey Seth.
Seth: Hey man. How’s Berkeley?
Ryan: It’s cold and wet and pretty cool. I can’t believe I’m actually on a college campus.
Seth: Ryan, I am touching ivy right now.
Ryan: What?
Seth: Real ivy. It grows on the buildings here. Those pictures in the brochure, they are not Photoshopped.
Ryan: I take it you’re in the middle of the quad right now?
Seth: Yeah. Dead center.
Ryan: Pretty stealth. I can’t imagine anyone actually seeing you there.
Seth: I know, I know, it’s a Summer hot zone. I just had to come and visit campus for a few minutes.
Ryan: And it’s perfect?
Seth: Man, it’s better than perfect. Seth Cohen has come home to roost.
Off Screen: Cohen!
Ryan: Who’s that?
Seth: I don’t know. I’m too afraid to turn around.
Seth: C’mon. You miss Newport.
Anna: Uh uh.
Seth: The sun, surf, the surgery.
Anna: They have not perfected the chin implant in Pittsburgh. But I am optimistic.
Seth: Mocking Newport with Anna Stern. That is one of my favorite pasttimes.
Anna: Mine too.
Anna: Why are you acting like a fugitive?
Seth: No no. I’m just trying to stay under the radar. You never know who’s going to be at these sorts of things.
Anna: Well focus. Have you thought about what you’re going to say to him?
Seth: Probably just gonna riff. We’re both dudes. Even though he’s got a bow tie and probably like nine PhDs, underneath I’m sure we’re… pretty much the same.
Anna: Seth, it’s okay.
Seth: I’m sorry. I should have told you I was on a Summer Mission.
Anna: Yeah, well I should have known it. But I can’t be mad at you when you’re this pathetic.
Seth: Thank you.
Anna: Here’s a list of tomorrow’s pre-frosh activities. Try and figure out which one Summer might go to.
Seth: I don’t know. She’s never been much of a joiner. Maybe the walking tour. She likes cardio.
Tour Guy: Kumar? Your name is Kumar?
Seth: Yes. Kumar Zimmerman. I’m half-Indian, I’m half-Jewish. I am a HinJew.
Seth: Summer, you can’t just ignore me forever.
Summer: Oh yes I can. Don’t you remember middle school? I was really good at ignoring you. Now I’m just getting back in shape.
Brown Prof: Mr. Cohen, I was under the impression that you were an admitted student. That’s why I came to meet you.
Seth: I know. Will you please just listen to me, and if you still don’t want to let me in at least I’ll know I tried.
Brown Prof: Okay. You have one minute.
Seth: Then I’m gonna have to sort of, ah, condense this. Maybe make it more of a bullet point thing. Uh, mm… Grades, 3.8. Ah, SATs, 2250. That’s not perfect but I would say it’s respectable. I was president of the Comic Book Club. I ws also a member of the chess team, although I was extremely low-profile.
Brown Prof: Ten seconds.
Seth: Okay. Here’s the part about how I belong on the East Coast. And there’s a little joke about the weather here to keep it light. It’s pretty funny. And ah… I guess that’s about it.
Brown Prof: That was compelling. But you misled me and you wasted my time. And I trust you will show yourself off campus.
The Party Favor
Ryan: Have you told her there’s nothing going on between you and Anna?
Seth: I’ve tried, but every time I get close she pulls her rape whistle.
Ryan: Well you know, I’m not going. So if you wanna hang out, rent a movie.
Seth: Ryan, I love you. But if I have to spend my senior prom playing video games with you, I’m gonna kill myself.
Seth: Now that the baby thing’s resolved, the pressure’s off. It’s perfect. Do it.
Ryan: But I mean she still has the baby, I can’t just, you know—
Seth: One night, they have these new crazy things called babysitters. I’m just saying, senior prom with your childhood sweetheart. You have to respect the romantic symmetry.
Ryan: You know what, I’ll think about it. And I appreciate you not bringing up the idea of Marissa and I going as friends.
Seth: No, I get it. It’s in the past. Plus, I assumed she’d be going with the surf Nazi anyway. Unless he’s selling crack to blind kids or— sees Volchok. Fondling some girl at the end of the pier. Ah, maybe that’s his cousin. His really… dirty cousin.
Summer’s Voicemail: “Hey it’s Summer. Leave a message.”
Seth: Summer, hey. I just want to apologize for what happened in the girls bathroom today. I didn’t mean to follow you in. Or spook Mrs. Rushfield. I was just trying to explain that the idea of a romance between me and Anna is so insane that—
Anna: Hello Seth.
Seth: I gotta go.
Seth: Ah, there she is. Look at a true friend, Ryan. 2000 miles she flies.
Anna: In a middle seat.
Seth: All to make sure Summer and I go to the prom together. Tell me, would you do so much?
Ryan: Let’s not test it.
Anna: Well, guilt can be a powerful motivator.
Seth: I’d tell you again it’s not your fault except I want to hear this plan.
Seth: Oh my god. What this is? This is the pirate’s cave from Goonies. I’ve died and gone to heaven.
Summer: You know, just everyone, leave me alone.
Seth: She probably just needs a moist washcloth. Or maybe, like, a towelette.
Anna: Cohen.
Seth: What? What? Is there a no-towelette clause in your plan? ‘Cause right now I’m thinking that phase two kinda sucks. Does anyone have a towelette? Does anyone have a towelette?!?! We’ve gotta find a towelette!
Seth: Listen, I don’t expect you to respond or even remember this, but the truth is I actually didn’t get in to Brown.
Summer: What?! raises her head and thinks better of it. Way too fast.
Seth: I knew you weren’t going to go if I didn’t go, and I didn’t want you to do that. I didn’t want you to miss the opportunity so I broke up with you.
Summer: That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Seth: Yeah, well, then I realized I couldn’t be without you so I flew there to try and talk my way in.
Summer: Okay, now that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Summer: I love you.
Seth: I love you too. We can kiss later. Summer throws up again Alright. Want me to hold your crown? Summer throws up again Hey! Rigatoni. Nice.
Seth: I don’t think I can do this.
Anna: Seth, the plan is working. I mean, it was easy for her to doubt you when you were all begging to get back together with her. But now that she might have really lost you? She’s thinking, “Maybe I should have really believed him”
Seth: Really? Because it looks like she’s describing how she’d use my body for food and feed my bones to the sharks.
The Man of the Year
Seth: Hey man. Today’s a good day for me, Ryan. I finally came clean and told the truth about not getting into Brown and things are great. Life is so much better when you’re honest. You just mean what you say, you say what you mean. I feel like you.
Ryan: Well, now that you’re on a roll, you gonna tell Sandy and Kirsten about Brown too?
Seth: Yeah. I don’t think so. I’m gonna wait a little bit on that one.
Kirsten: Why don’t you say good morning to Newport’s Man of the Year.
Seth: I knew it was only a matter of time before this town recognized my contribution to this community.
Ryan: You’d have to be a man first. Congratulations, Sandy.
Seth: Are you decent? If I come in am I inviting years of therapy?
Sandy: I want to talk to you.
Seth: Good. I want to talk to you.
Sandy: I love you, and I’m worried about you.
Seth: Right back atcha.
Sandy: You snoked pot in our home.
Seth: Would you rather I do it somewhere else? Like my college down?
Sandy: That would require you getting into college.
Seth: Do you think it’s such a great idea me going away to college when mom’s been drinking again?
Sandy: What are you talking about?
Seth: Maybe if you paid attention to anything other than that stupid hospital you’d notice mom’s been out before dinner.
Sandy: Don’t talk to your father like that.
Seth: That would require you to act like my father.
Seth: Fine. But I want my own table. And my applause for his speech will be so tepid.
The Graduates
Seth: “Dad, remember when I called you the worst father ever? Right after that I swung by your place of work, I smoked a joint, I forgot to put it out and now your office fits into an ashtray.”
Sandy: Well, we both screwed up.
Seth: We’re both usually so awesome.
Seth: This is it, dude. We never have to set foot in this stupid school or this stupid student lounge again.
Ryan: Nostalgic already, huh?
Seth: Never gonna have to see any of these shoe-peeing, shallow water polo-playing—
A guy knocks into Seth
Shallow Water Polo Player: Get outta my way, geek. What is that, a dress?
Seth: It’s a graduation gown. You’re wearing one too.
Shallow Water Polo Player to his friend: Queered and Weird are wearing a “gown”.
Taylor: So I just stopped by to say farewell.
Summer: You’re leaving for the Sorbonne already?
Taylor: Oh no, not quite. Sung Ho and I decided to spend the summer in his family’s village. We’re defusing land mines in the DMZ.
Seth: That’s a way to spend your summer vacation.
Summer: But what about the after-grad party? I mean you already planned it.
Taylor: As a gift. To the class of 2006. SO my work here is done. It has been a pleasure being second circle core.
Seth: You can join the inner circle.
Taylor: I can? Oh my god! The Fab Five!
Dawn: Hey, Seth good to see you again.
Seth: Good to see you, too. It means a lot that you made it down. I was being sincere.
Dawn: Okay, so—
Ryan: And thanks again for the car.
Dawn: You bet.
Seth: Ryan got a car? Really? I’ve been waiting for years for a car. I’m supposed to be the spoiled one.
Summer: You guys ever wonder what life would be like if Atwood never came here?
Marissa: I definitely never would have talked to Seth.
Summer: Oh hell no. Me either.
Seth: Hahahah!
Ryan: See, you owe me one, buddy.
Seth: Me? She’d still be dating the dude who shaves his chest.
Summer: I can’t believe that for a minute I was actually interested in Atwood. laughs Okay, no offense.
Ryan: None taken, biatch.
Marissa: It was only until you found out he was from Chino.
Summer: Exactly.
Ryan: You actually invited me to Holly’s beach house.
Summer: Oh my god!
Seth: You said she invited me. I’m not faring well, this trip down memory lane.