Gone Maybe Gone
Gossip Girl: Welcome back, Upper East Siders. Call me superstitious, but I’ve got a feeling this fall could be my last season. Let’s face it, I’ve been at this a long time. But age breeds wisdom. And this I know: the best is yet to come.
Gossip Girl: From all around the world, our favorite Upper East Siders are asking the same question. But I couldn’t care less. Serena van der Woodsen is dead. At least to me.
Gossip Girl: Spotted, At JFK and Teterboro: our favorite UESers returning home. What motivated this sudden flurry of transatlantic travel? Could it be a certain passport that didn’t get stamped this summer?
Gossip Girl: Looks like N is about to save the day. But we’ll see if he can still save his friend.
Gossip Girl: I think someone’s about to toss her cookies. And the only thing more disturbing than finding her on drugs or in a psych ward is seeing her happy and healthy. Who wants that?
Gossip Girl: Poor B. Looks like she just got dumped by the love of her life. And we’re not talking about Chuck or Dan.
Gossip Girl: What’s old is new again. I may not have much time left, but some things are forever.
Gossip Girl: The promise of love. The threat of war. And the fall of the mighty.
Gossip Girl: And just because I’ve seen it all, doesn’t mean I’ve seen everything. And I gotta say, no one saw this one coming. You may think my best days are behind me, but this old girl still has some new tricks. Stay tuned. XOXO. –Gossip Girl.
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High Infidelity
Gossip Girl: Up and at ’em, Upper East Siders. It’s important to start your day right. There’s nothing worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
Dan: I thought we agreed you’d stop watching me sleep.
Georgina: I lied. I’m letting you stay here for free. There has to be something in it for me.
Gossip Girl: Except maybe waking up alone.
Blair: Dorota! Why did you let me sleep? It’s WWD day. We have to take the fashion world by storm.
Gossip Girl: I can hardly wait to see what today brings.
Gossip Girl: Poor Chuck. Everyone knows the first place to check for secrets is under the bed. Or in it.
Gossip Girl: Looks like someone’s getting dressed to kill. Or at least for a hell of a fight.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Nate Archibald with a minor problem that just became a major incident.
Gossip Girl: Think fast, B. Pencil skirts or peplum? The only look you have now is egg on your face.
Gossip Girl: No one said being a parent would be easy. Some children will do everything in their power to destroy you. Others will wilt under the weight of your crushing expectations.
Gossip Girl: And some will become parents themselves. You know I disapprove of teenage pregnancy. But a teenage stepdaughter? That’s my kind of fun. XOXO –Gossip Girl.
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Dirty Rotten Scandals
Gossip Girl: Manhattan has weathered her share of storms–heat waves, hurricanes, even earthquakes. But these days it looks like a new force of nature is taking shape on the Upper East Side.
Gossip Girl: They say history repeats itself. But looks like B is charting a brand new course to epic collapse.
Gossip Girl: Careful ladies. Turns out Sadie might be a wolf in B’s clothing.
Gossip Girl: It’s B’s party and she’ll cry if she wants to. ‘Cause looks like this birthday suit isn’t cause for celebration.
Gossip Girl: Looks like these besties were bested by a newbie. When Sage’s dress came off they both came undone.
Gossip Girl: Tolstoy wrote that all happy families are alike. But every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Especially on the Upper East Side. Some are only too happy to be distracted from their pain. While others choose to bite the hand that feeds them. Even when they have no idea where their next meal is coming from.
Gossip Girl: But whether your family is happy or unhappy, it’s always best to stick together. Because some ties are simply unbreakable. XOXO –Gossip Girl.
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Where the Vile Things Are
Gossip Girl: They say the early bird gets the worm. Inspiring motivation. If you’re the bird. The worm, however, has no idea when her future will be plucked away by the next airborne attacker.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: S and D getting cozy again. Even I have to admit, they sure look cute on that scooter.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Two old flames slumming it on memory lane. Who doesn’t love a sequel?
Gossip Girl: Watch out, B. They say you’re only as good as the company you keep. And right now you’re not keeping any.
Gossip Girl: This work of art appears to be a work of Bart. Let the bidding begin.
Gossip Girl: Revenge is sweet. Especially when you have a sugar mama. Unfortunately not all families appreciate just desserts.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Ivy moonlighting as a gallerina. Better hope this masterpiece isn’t a forgery.
Gossip Girl: The Beatles sang, Living is easy with eyes closed. But even with our eyes open we all still have blind spots. Or maybe we’re just looking in the wrong place. But when we finally do see the light, it’s Strawberry Fields Forever. XOXO — Gossip Girl.
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Save the Last Chance
Gossip Girl: Desperate times call for desperate measures. And even the most disciplined people can resort to destruction.
Chuck: Funny. I didn’t ask for a turndown service. But did you find what you’re looking for?
Gossip Girl: While others try to rebuild bridges using more intimate tactics.
Gossip Girl: Sometimes the partner is more shocking than the crime itself.
Gossip Girl: Betrayal is a bitter pill to swallow. But nothing’s worse than having blackmail shoved down your throat.
Gossip Girl: They say nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
Gossip Girl: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Even the best laid plans can go bust.
Gossip Girl: Sometimes the light is so dazzling it’s all you can see. Other times dark clouds devour you and it seems the clouds will never clear. But when the sun beams while the rain falls, it can bring a bittersweet rainbow.
Gossip Girl: So watch out. Just when you think you’re walking off into the sunset, a lightning bolt may strike you down. XOXO — Gossip Girl.
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It’s Really Complicated
Gossip Girl: Gobble gobble, Upper East Siders. That’s right. It’s Thanksgiving again. And I hope you all brought your appetites. Because today’s the one day a year you’re supposed to count your blessings. And not your calories. I don’t care whether you’re sick to your stomach or simply on a liquid diet. This turkey day I’m going to make sure everyone eats their hearts out.
Gossip Girl: Seems like Bass is basking in his misery. Looks like I’m not the only one who goes into hiding on Thanksgiving. And this year’s best dish is going to be served by yours truly.
Gossip Girl: Thanksgiving may be over, but I hear that our favorite Upper East Siders are still cooking something up. And pretty soon everyone is going to feel the heat. Of course when you fan an old flame sometimes you wind up just getting burned. And having to start from scratch. .
Gossip Girl: Luckily the things that have been slowly simmering always taste the most satisfying. Bon appetit. XOXO — Gossip Girl.