The Magnificent Archibalds

(Season 2)

Gossip Girl: For the rest of the country, Thanksgiving is when families come together to give thanks. But on the Upper East Side, the holiday thankfully returns to its roots: lying, manipulation and betrayal. And from what we hear, just like the Indians, someone else is being pushed out of their home.

Blair: Even though Daddy isn’t coming, I’m determined to have the perfect Thanksgiving I didn’t get last year. You’re still going to help me make his famous pie tomorrow.
Serena: Yeah, but I can only stay for a couple of hours. Aaron is coming to meet my family before Thanksgiving dinner.
Blair: And how do you plan to introduce him? “Mom, you DVR Big Love. This is Aaron. And he’s just like Bill Paxton only younger. And with scruff.” I’m serious. The Serena I know would never want to share a guy she really liked with anyone else.
Serena: Well I’ll admit it’s been hard. I like him enough that I don’t want to date anyone else. And you can’t get the prize if you don’t want to compete, right?
Blair: There’s so many things wrong with that sentence. Here comes your Ghost of Boyfriends Past to haunt me.
Serena: Please, try to be civil.
Blair: Okay.
Dan: Hey, have either of you seen Jenny?
Blair: Oh, if she’s hiding from you she has better taste than I thought. {to Serena.} I tried.

Chuck: Archibald. Haven’t seen you around here lately.
Nate: Yeah, why do you care?
Chuck: Oh I don’t. But if you’re not with the Humphreys anymore obviously things are looking up. Which is too bad. I kind of liked watching you slumming. I thought it would teach you who your real friends were.
Nate: I guess it has. {He walks away.}

Lawyer: I need to be sure you understand what “emancipation” means.
Jenny: I do. I’ve been researching it.
Eric: She’s made me watch Irreconcilable Differences like 15 times.
Lawyer: Once you file, the state opens up an investigation into your family. There has to be proof of parental neglect. Just fill out these papers authorizing the investigation. Once you sign them your parents will be notified.
Jenny: Wait, they have to be notified?
Lawyer: Well of course. They need to know you no longer want to be their child.

Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): My plan is to hole myself up in my studio, rent Berlin Alexanderplatz, and eat a frozen and organic turkey dinner.
Dan: Oh! Well god, you know no one enjoys a 16-hour German movie more than yours truly, but uh, you could come here instead.
Vanessa: I don’t really feel like seeing Jenny.
Dan: Well I’m pretty sure she’s not coming so you can take her chair.
Vanessa: I didn’t realize things were still that bad between her and your dad. Where is she having Thanksgiving? With Nate?
Dan: No, Nate and Jenny aren’t spending time together anymore. So how ’bout it? A Fassbinder- and freezer-free Thanksgiving at my place?
Vanessa: Well, when you put it that way.

Nate: It was nice of the Roths to let us stay at their place while they’re in Aspen.
Anne Archibald (Francie Swift): Very. I’m not sure what we would have done. We don’t have a lot of options left, Nate.
Nate: Yeah. I kind of noticed.
Anne: But I’m hoping that’s about to change.
Captain (Sam Robards): Hey son, I missed you so much.

Gossip Girl: Just like Nate Archibald, Gossip Girl has a family waiting for her today. So although I’d love to stay and chat, I’m signing off until after Thanksgiving dinner. Just in time for coffee, pie and surveying the damage.

Captain: My life in Dominica is… well it’s good. We moved some money offshore before I left—enough to get a house on the ocean. Weather’s always perfect, people are nice.
Nate: I’m so happy you’re living it up in the Caribbean while we’re squatting with no heat in New York.
Anne: Just hear him out, Nate.
Captain: I want to make things better. I know how hard your life has been because of what I did. I can’t turn back the clock. But I can ask you to come live with me. All the money in the world isn’t worth it without the two of you to share it with.
Nate: Mom, did you know about this?
Anne: Yes. And I’d like to go. But only if you want to come too.
Captain: Please, Nate! We can be a family again. All you have to do is say yes.

Lily: If there’s one thing I have learned about teenage girls, is that sometimes they need someone outside of their family to talk to.
Rufus: All that might be true, but it’s Thanksgiving. And Jenny needs to be with family.
Lily: She is. She’s with mine. Once you’ve calmed down and she’s ready to talk I’ll arrange a meeting.
Rufus: Marshmallows. Jenny likes them on her sweet potatoes.

Blair: Remember, Serena doesn’t share!
Serena: Remember, Blair should learn to.

Bart (Robert John Burke): So how are things while we were away?
Eric: Um. Not so good. I don’t think it’s working out with Jonathan.
Bart: Huh. What do you know about someone at your school named Ben Shern?
Eric: He’s the uh, captain of Jonathan’s swim team. Why?
Bart: Just, maybe you want to ask Jonathan what he was doing Monday night.

Eric: You’re home.
Chuck: My plans for the evening got held up at customs.
Eric: Your dad just insinuated that Jonathan might be dating someone else. How and why would he know that?
Chuck: He has a PI on retainer like I do.
Eric: I get that for business. But family. And friends of family, it’s just… creepy.
Chuck: Not to worry. Bart’s people are top notch and very discreet.

Eric: How much does he know?
Chuck: How much do you want to find out?

Blair: Mother, is there anything you want to tell me?
Eleanor (Margaret Colin): Why, yes, actually there is! And I will tell you tonight, at the restaurant, once everyone is assembled for dinner.
Blair: Of all the things you’ve done, Mother, this one is the worst. I’m your daughter. Lumping me in with everyone else to hear the news?
Eleanor: I don’t know what “news” you are referring to, Blair. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go check the reservations for dinner. She walks off
Blair: Dorota! Get it together. We’re leaving. If I’m just like anyone else to her I doubt she’ll notice I’m not at dinner.
Dorota: But it’s your favorite holiday.
Blair: Not anymore.

Nate: Look, you and Chuck and Dan… I’ve somehow managed to alienate everyone. If you could just give Rufus his CDs I’d appreciate that.
Vanessa: Of course.
Nate: Uh, Vanessa, listen, uh, take care of yourself. Alright?

Serena: My new boyfriend Aaron is on his way over to meet everyone and I want your word on something.
Chuck: If you’re talking about the dress, I’d say higher.
Serena: Chuck! I want your word that you will not mention anything about the girl I used to be. I just got Aaron all to myself and if the one thing I have to do to keep it that way is hide my recent history for awhile, then that’s what I’m going to do.
Chuck: I get it. You lied to him.
Serena: No I didn’t! I merely chose not to tell him everything I did. And it will come out naturally. Over the course of the many conversations we’re going to have as we’re dating exclusively.
Chuck: You have my word. Whatever that’s worth.

Serena: Oh my god! You’re here!
Aaron (John Patrick Amedori): Hey.
Serena: Hey. That was so not on the same level as my “hi”.
Aaron: Uh… I bumped into Dan at the store. He just said something, I’m trying to figure it out.
Serena: Figure what out?
Aaron: Something about a girl named Georgina?
Serena: What? What’s, um, he even talking about? That’s… gosh. Um. Well you know he’s… he’s probably just jealous.
Aaron: Yeah, I mean he was talking about Thanksgiving a lot last year when you two were together, so.
Serena: Well. I guess he’s just not as over me as I thought he was. But seriously. Aaron, the next time he starts to tell you stories about me—
Aaron: No no, It’s never going to happen again.

Rufus: What’s going on? Is something wrong?
Lily: I’ve been grappling with what to do all day. What to say, which one of you to talk to.
Rufus: Are you okay?
Lily: Yes. But you might not be. I know it’s Thanksgiving but I think you should get over here right away.
Rufus: Lily?
Lily: I will see you shortly.

Eric: It’s like the end of every heist movie ever made. Are those gold bars? I didn’t think they actually made those. Is that, is that a satphone?
Chuck: Correction. Only a prototype. Put it back.

Chuck: I knew you’d come back for more.
Vanessa: Chuck, you know how hard this call was for me to make.
Chuck: I’m listening.
Vanessa: The FBI just came to see me and Nate’s in trouble.
Chuck: Tell someone who cares.
Vanessa: Chuck, this is serious. He needs our help.

Dan: Aaron, hey.
Aaron: Well if it isn’t the last person I wanted to see.
Dan: Sorry?
Aaron: Why’d you lie about Serena?

Nate: You know, when you called I thought it was an emergency. Obviously I was wrong.
Vanessa: It’s more like an intervention.
Chuck: There’s someone you need to talk to.
Vanessa: The FBI knows that your dad’s in town. And they think he’s about to commit a crime even worse than fraud or embezzlement.
Nate: Like what?
Chuck: Like extortion. Kidnapping.

Rufus: Your brother helped me realize that I haven’t told you something. Something important.
Jenny: What?
Rufus: I love you, Jenny. I love you so much I’m willing to let you go if that’s what it’s going to take to get you back. And when the time comes for a court hearing I won’t stand in your way. But there’s nothing you can do to make me stop loving you.
Jenny: I’m sorry. She leaves.

Bart: Dan and his father just left to look for Jenny so maybe now would be the perfect time to tell me what the hell’s been going on here today, Lily.
Lily: You first.
Bart: Where did you get those?
Lily: It doesn’t matter. Did you read these?
Serena and Eric: Only mine.
Bart: None of you were supposed to—
Lily: Find them. I can’t believe this. You did this to me and I dealt with it. But the kids—my kids—
Serena: Mom, you knew about this?
Lily: We’ll talk about that later.
Bart: I’m just trying to protect them. If you’re going to let your son and daughter go where they please and do as they please someone has to look out for them.
Lily: There’s a a difference between looking out for them and treating them like criminals in their own home. How do expect them to trust us if we don’t trust them? Okay kids, let’s go.
Bart: Where are you going?
Lily: Well this day is about family. And if you’re not for my family then I’m going to take mine and spend it with them.

Nate: Dad, listen. I love you. But if you can’t do the right thing then I can’t respect you. So the choice is yours. You go out that service entrance and you ruin our relationship forever. Or you be a man and you turn yourself in when they get here.
Captain: Well that’s not a choice.
Nate: It is a choice. Because I’m sick of living in the mess you created for us. And I’m not going to do it anymore. And I hope you won’t either.

Lily: The Annual Van der Woodsen Diner Thanksgiving Dinner. We should have a standing reservation.
Eric: I think we do.
Lily: What errand did Serena have to run?
Eric: I don’t know. But she took her file with her. Maybe she went to burn it.
Lily: I don’t blame her. I should have burned mine.
Eric: I lied before. I read it.
Lily: Oh, whatever you read, um—
Eric: I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were in an institution. You were 19. Just a few years older than I was. After everything I went through last year.
Lily: Maybe I should have said something, but I wanted to be strong for you. Plus I really wasn’t ready to revisit it.
Eric: I look forward to talking about it. When you’re ready. It takes time, I know.
Lily: How did you get so wise?
Eric: The nanny.
Lily: Okay, how about we have a real Thanksgiving dinner. It’s not too late.
Eric: What did you have in mind?
Lily: Come on.

Blair: What are you doing?
Jenny: My dad and I got in a fight. I was crashing at Eric’s and he finally chased me down.
Blair: You’re lucky. You have a family who fights for you. Mine doesn’t even care if I’m there.
Jenny: Your mom loves you in her own way, Blair.
Blair: Not the way your father loves you. I’ve never had that. My own dad, as sweet as he is, isn’t here. Your father will go anywhere for you. Anytime. I know because I’ve sometimes made it happen. {Sees Jenny looking at something over her shoulder} What? What? Is it my hair?
Jenny: No. You’re just wrong.
Eleanor: Jenny. You look cold. Here. {to Blair} Come on dear, you’ve made your point.
Blair: I don’t think I have.
Eleanor: Well I think that you might feel differently when you find out what I have been waiting to show you.
Blair: I’ll come. On one condition. Jenny has to go home too.
Eleanor: I think that’s a terrific idea. Everyone should be where they belong on Thanksgiving. With their family. So c’mon. C’mon c’mon c’mon. We’ll drop you off.

Vanessa: Hey. We were hoping you’d be here.
Nate: My mom’s inside signing papers in the dark. We’ve got our house back, now all we need is some electricity. I can’t thank you guys enough.
Chuck: I’m gonna leave you guys alone.
Vanessa: I didn’t… want you to go. And I didn’t like to admit it, but I still—
Nate: Still?
Vanessa: It’s not important There’s the whole thing with Jenny and I don’t want to get in the way of that.
Nate: Vanessa, I haven’t heard from Jenny in weeks so, uh, if you’d like, can we get together sometime?
Vanessa: I guess that’d be okay. Call me.
Nate: I will. Vanessa walks off.
Chuck: By the way, I’m glad you stayed too.
Nate: Thanks man.
Chuck: Now let’s, uh, let’s get drunk in style.

Rufus: I was kind of hoping she’d be here.
Dan: Yeah, me too.
Rufus: Oh. You are.
Jenny: I love you too, Dad.

Aaron: I don’t need to read that.
Serena: No, I think you do.
Aaron: Anything you want to tell me, you can tell me yourself. I want to know you. No matter what you’ve done or how long ago.

Gossip Girl: As the end of another holiday draws near, I’d like to take a moment to list all the things I’m thankful for. I’m thankful that no matter how dark things might get, old friendships can still be rekindled. I’m thankful for new relationships that help us realize how far we’ve come from who we are. And how close we get when we can really be ourselves. I’m thankful that no matter what they say, you can go home again. Whether it’s your home or not. But the thing I’m most thankful for? How even on the most giving of days, people can still do something unforgivable. Signed, sealed and delivered, I’m yours. XOXO —Gossip Girl