Gossip Girl: True love and betrayal. Revenge and more revenge. A heroine with an impossible goal. If only Mozart had lived on the Upper East Side. But you can keep your magic fleet, Amadeus. All this Queen wants is a golden ticket to Yale.
Harold (John Shea): Is Chuck joining us? You know how he loves a good tragedy.
Dan: I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. I’ll end up in the right place. But what if I don’t get in?
Serena: Forget you. What if I do and Blair doesn’t?
Dan: Fire and brimstone. And a lot of bitchy asides. Death by Dorota.
Lily: Well now that this is all out in the open maybe we can stop sneaking around. I mean we’ve had the awkward run-in and it isn’t so bad. I don’t know why we thought this would be so weird.
Dan: Let’s leave. Now.
Serena: Nice try mom.
Rufus: Yeah, seriously. Good effort.
Eric: I would say “get a room”. But yours is right above mine. Please try to remember that.
Chuck: No, I told you. Under 18 and I want verification. I don’t care where you have to import them from. I want them young and unstable.
Jack (Desmond Harrington): You can cancel that order. I already ate.
Chuck: I’ll get right back to you.
Jack: Your bush league attempts to take me down are getting kind of boring. Although I must admit having the freshman class of Brealey hold their annual sleep over at my hotel room was a nice touch. By the way, don’t be alarmed but our stock might take a dip today. I’m still adjusting to the learning curve.
Chuck: What you’re doing is trying too hard. You’re obviously not cut out for the job. Which is why Bart never let you out of the Outback. You should be more careful.
Jack: Or what? It’s my company now, kid. You saw to that. Will the Board and I be seeing you at the opera tonight? Even though you’re no longer in charge you are still the public face of the company. I think it’s important you display it. Show there’s no hard feelings.
Chuck: Maybe I’ll show them they made the wrong choice instead. Oh wait, you’re already doing that for me, aren’t you?
Jack: No matter. We probably won’t be seeing much of each other anyway. I’ll be in your father’s seats and you’ll be, well, somewhere else.
Blair: Refresh! Refresh! Refresh! That’s not my Eli account.
Nelly (Yin Chang): No it’s mine. I applied to Yale too, remember?
Blair: Yes, but your application was merely a formality to appease your overbearing parents. You know very well there’s no way Yale is going to accept someone who got a 2360 on her SATs. So give up and go for the gold—my gold. So refresh!
Lily: Charles. I didn’t expect to see you today.
Chuck: Or ever if I had it my way.
Lily: Yes, well I missed you too.
Chuck: I’m trying to do something. I really wanted to do it on my own, but that’s not working. I’m thinking you’re the only person left who can help. What do you say?
Blair: I’m sorry. I simply can’t read it. The font’s to small. I’ll have to check it on a real computer. {Nelly rudely grabs it out of her hands}
Nelly: It says waitlisted. In bold.
Gossip Girl: They say that it’s not over ’til the fat lady sings. But who’s that I hear tuning up in the wings? Sorry, B. I think it’s curtains.
Chuck: All my usual moves haven’t worked. Jack is blood. He thinks too much like me, sees me coming. And the way he’s running the business I worry everything my father had worked for will be lost. Since you’re part of the company now I thought you might care.
Lily: I do care Charles. But my concern is for you, not the company. You’re living alone. Why don’t you move back here? Make it easier to work together.
Chuck: I’m not interested in a family reunion, nor in assuaging your guilt over my father’s death. Do you believe in my cause or not?
Lily: I do. But your shenanigans— putting coke in his gym bag, ambushing him with a transsexual hooker—
Chuck: Two. They owed me a favor.
Lily: —will only cast a negative light on you in the board’s eyes.
Chuck: I don’t care about the board anymore.
Lily: You should. You need them. So let me help you by handling this like a grown-up. My 20% stake in Bass Industries must count for something. And when I’m done perhaps you’ll reconsider your living situation.
Chuck: Don’t hold your breath.
Headmistress Queller (Jan Maxwell): I know that patience and trust aren’t exactly your strong suits, but you’ll just have to rise to the occasion, hm?
Serena: Well if you’re on a witch hunt that means you can’t be too upset, right?
Blair: Witch hunts are my valium, Serena. I’m just trying to stay calm.
Jack: Aw! A minority shareholder’s meeting.
Jack: If I had known my own personal Mata Hari was here I would’ve come sooner.
Lily: Yes well I was just being brought up to date on your progress or lack thereof.
Jack: I’ll right myself eventually. I just have to get my legs under me. Maybe the two of us could come together in some way. Help me find my strength or, use it all up. {She hands him a tissue} What’s that for?
Lily: Your nose. You don’t seem as worried about the same morality clause that cost Charles his company.
Jack: They won’t touch me. Although I may not be doing a bang up job yet, it beats having a woman of your reputation at the helm.
Blair: This is a B.
Rachel Carr (Laura Breckenridge): Yes, it is.
Blair: You’re new here so you don’t know how it works.
Rachel Carr: I have a feeling you’re about to explain.
Blair: Second semester seniors get a free pass. Like pregnant ladies or fourteen year-old Chinese gymnasts. Constance wants their students to get into the best colleges. That’s why this free pass exists. The headmistress, if she knew about this grade, she’d rap you on the wrist.
Rachel Carr: Maybe in time I’ll get in trouble for not inflating grades like everyone else, Miss Waldorf. But until then I’ll give them based on merit.
Blair: I need to keep my GPA perfect to get into Yale.
Rachel Carr: You should have thought of that before.
Lily: The bastard is untouchable.
Chuck: What should we do?
Lily: Time to get dirty. I’m all ears.
Chuck: Let me educate you.
Lily: Did you really try to buy anthrax with his credit card?
Chuck: The black market isn’t what it used to be.
Lily: And you got him on Megan’s List?
Chuck: If only his apartment were a few blocks closer to a playground.
Lily: Look I understand why you’re trying to do these things, but we have got to do something that is not illegal. I’ve put calls in to Jack’s business associates in Australia. He’s not the most upstanding citizen. I’m sure we will find something. You know I, um, I thought I lost you the day of the funeral. And I’m sorry Jack’s the one to bring us back together but I’m glad that we’re doing this.
Chuck: If your people don’t come up with anything maybe we can try number 26.
Lily: “Crash Jack in plane.” The Bass jet is kind of expensive, Charles.
Chuck: There’s insurance.
Serena: I know that look. You’re up to no good.
Blair: Good is subjective. Look it up.
Blair: You’re the Constance student? to Hazel: Cancel the Nelly Yuki project now!
Gossip Girl: Spotted: B hot for teacher. Too bad Miss Carr doesn’t remember the devil is in the details.
Chuck: Who’s this?
Caplan (John Bolton): Bruce Caplan. I’m your father’s family lawyer. Before he died your father was going to legally adopt Serena and Eric.
Lily: And I was going to legally adopt you. We were serious about becoming a real family and we’d had the papers drawn, and your father had signed them. I just didn’t get to it in time.
Caplan: Your step-mother asked me to have these faxed over to the box office.
Chuck: So if you adopt me?
Lily: Then I’m your guardian.
Chuck: Give me a pen. Just to clear, this doesn’t make us family. Just even.
Jack: What do you think you’re doing? You can’t sign anything without my consent.
Chuck: Not anymore. I’m sending you back where you belong. You just lost the company.
Gossip Girl: Sticks and stones may break bones. But a poisoned pen is the best revenge.
Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): I hate losing.
You didn’t lose. You just admitted defeat.
Lily: What do you think you’re doing?
Jack: I should ask you the same thing.
Lily: It’s what Bart wanted.
Jack: So you say. I’m not so sure.
Lily: I’m not scared of you, Jack.
Jack: You should be.
Lily: You’re high. You’re not thinking clearly. You need to think about the repercussions of what you’re doing.
Jack: I don’t think I do.
Dan: Chuck. As much as I hate to ask you anything, but have you seen Lily? My dad’s looking for her.
Chuck: She said she was going to the powder room. Looks around. But that was awhile ago.
Jack: You think you can squeeze me out? Take away my power? I worked for this! I earned it!
Lily: Jack, it’s over.
Lily to Chuck: Oh my god, thank you.
Rufus: My hair is terrible. Not since ’91—
Lily: If you care about your hair you’re more apart of my world than ever.
Rufus: You sure you’re okay?
Lily: Yes. Yes I am.
Lily: I heard from the board that Jack is on his way back to Sydney.
Chuck: You didn’t press charges.
Lily: No. I just wanted him gone. But now I’m the interim head of Bass Industries, believe it or not.
Chuck: Is that why you called me here?
Lily: What you did for me last night—
Chuck: Lily, I—
Lily: It’s okay. You don’t have to feel the same way. But I do have faith that when you’re ready you will do wonders with Bass Industries.
Chuck: What are you talking about?
Lily: On your 18th birthday I want you to have everything. I don’t want this job or the corporate jet or—anything related to this business. Just you. As a part of my family.
Chuck: Um… Look, I know what happened with my father was an accident.
Lily: It was a terrible accident.
Chuck: And, uh, if the offer still stands, I’d like to move back in.
Lily: I would love that.
Gossip Girl: The thing about new beginnings is that they require something else to end…
Blair: What are you doing?
Serena: I’m just reading the Brown catalog. Oh! And I ordered a home dreadlocking kit. Want to meet up later?
Blair: Definitely. Maybe we can get a jumpstart on your veganism. Have some celebratory seitan at Angelica Kitchen.
Serena: Um. I can’t think of anything better. Or, grosser.
Blair: I’ll call you after.
Serena: Okay.
Gossip Girl: Some endings take a long time to reveal themselves, but when they do they’re almost too easy to ignore...
Gossip Girl: Some beginnings start so quietly you don’t even notice they’re happening. But most endings come when you least expect them. And what they portend is darker than you’ve ever imagined.
Queller: I called you here this morning because Miss Carr told me what you did. You leave me no choice but to give you detention. Yale has been notified, your acceptance has been placed on hold. If you complete detention to my satisfaction Yale will still be possible. But if you do not…
Blair: Put that puppy down, Dorota.
Dorota: What happened, Miss Blair?
Blair: It’s what’s going to happen that you should worry about.
Gossip Girl: Not all beginnings are cause for celebration. A lot of bad things begin. Fights, flu season, and the worst thing all…
Dorota: Uh oh. Is it war?
Blair: Yes. But this one will be different. I need to wait for my moment and then I’m going Black Ops. Off the radar, no accountability. This war I’m gonna win.
Gossip Girl: Wanna be startin’ something. XOXO —Gossip Girl