Gossip Girl: Overnight our brooding billionaire has become a generous gentleman. But what’s responsible for this metamorphosis? Or should I say, “who”. Has a French fairy touched Chuck with her magic wand? Or does simply being with an angel make you want to grow wings too?
Dorota: Sorry, Miss Blair. No papers today. I think maybe 8H steal them again.
Blair: Dorota. We both know it was you, not Susan Lucci, who took my papers. But there’s no point. It’s all over the internet.
Serena (from the adjoining room): What is?
Blair: What are you reading? Chuck gave Eva a limited edition Baignoire Cartier watch. Gossip Girl even has a whole thread where people can guess how much it costs.
Dorota: How can she even see time through all that sparkly? … I go get more coffee.
Blair: How can I stomach going to his charity auction later? Watching everyone ooh and ooh la la over that French floozy and that watch. Some are speculating it costs more than anything he ever gave me.
Serena: B, I know it’s hard to see Chuck with someone else, but you have to stop doing this to yourself.
Blair: I’m just worried about him. We’ve seen this before! Strangers weaseling their way into our hearts. Clearly Eva has an agenda. I’m guessing it’s his money.
Serena: You know Eva actually seems nice, and even if she isn’t it’s not your business anymore.
Blair: Oh. And it’s your business to be monitoring Nate and Juliet? And even worse, Humphrey and Dumpty?
Serena: Fine. We’re both having trouble moving on. But it was just so easy in Paris.
Blair: You were just so easy in Paris.
Serena: Enough. But now—
Blair: Now you’re here, and those boys are taken.
Serena: For now.
Blair: Yes, you’re right. Maybe Dan and Nate will see the error of their ways and break up with those girls. Or they’ll marry them and you’ll die hitting refresh.
Serena: Okay fine. You know what? I will stay away from Nate and Dan. But you have to stay away from Chuck and Eva. No plotting. No meddling. No Blair Waldorfing.
Blair: I’m not going to! I wasn’t— I… was going shopping. Anyway.
Serena: Okay. Then I’m just going to stay home and unpack all day. No gala. And tonight we’ll watch Amelie and try to recreate our favorite cocktails from Le Très Particulier. Deal?
Blair: Deal.
Dan: Your pancakes are burning. Why did you bring out four plates?
Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Don’t be mad but this has been going on for too long so I had to call for backup.
Chuck: I hope you two are coming to my charity event later.
Nate: Party on the roof? We wouldn’t miss it.
Chuck: Good. Because I’m announcing a five million dollar charity.
Nate: Chuck that’s amazing.
Juliet (Katie Cassidy): What? Five million dollars? What’s the lucky organization?
Eva Coupeau (Clémence Poésy): Poor thing can’t make up his mind.
Chuck: Petroleum apocalypse, the education crisis, poverty, disease. Not to mention the recession. It seems outside my Bassian bubble the world is a pretty screwed up place.
Juliet: You’re a great influence. He’s really changed.
Eva: I take no credit. Old Chuck, bad Chuck, good Chuck, new Chuck. To me it’s one man, one journey.
Juliet: Wow. You really are from Europe.
Chuck: Why are you staring at me?
Nate: Philanthropy. Chatting with the help about sports. It’s nice to see you… nice.
Nate about Juliet’s hasty exit: I thought her phone died.
Dan: I’m fine.
Vanessa: Dan, you’ve been sleeping all day, cutting class. I caught you watching Wild Hogs and laughing.
Vanessa: Where are you going?
Dan: I’m going to go to Nate’s. I would have told you sooner but your intervention intervened.
Serena: I know what you’re up to. You’re at Cartier checking the cost of that watch. You’re breaking your pact.
Blair: And you’re looking at Gossip Girl, thereby breaking yours. Anyway it just so happens that my watch is broken.
Serena: You were wearing it yesterday and it worked perfectly fine.
Blair: Well. Now it doesn’t. smashes the watch on the case and notices Eva in Cartier as well.
Serena: Blair, we had a deal. B, why did you stop talking?
Blair: No reason.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: one angel selling her halo. Careful Eva, returning that watch may cost you the time of your life.
Blair: Good afternoon Chuck. I thought we might enjoy some tea. You know how I adore those Empire bacon scones.
Chuck: I know everything about you which is why I know your visit probably has more to do with a scheme than a scone.
Blair: Chuck you’ve changed. What makes you think I haven’t. And speaking of your newfound affinity for the huddled masses, how is the delightful Eva?
Chuck: Leave her alone Blair.
Blair: If you’re as serious about her as Cindy Adams thinks, then we’ll be crossing paths all the time. Don’t you think we should be friends? Eva walks in. Yay! There she is.
Chuck: Don’t worry, Blair was just—
Blair: Sitting. For some tea. Scone?
Chuck: Actually Blair, she knows. We have no secrets.
Blair: Forgive me for being vulgar, but I’ve always wanted a Baignoire timepiece. Might I see it?
Eva: Oh, I— I don’t have it on. I brought it in to be resized.
Blair: Are you sure you mean resized? Because I think you brought it in to be returned. For cash. See? That is Eva selling the watch. It is pretty. The watch I mean. Not the wad of hundies. Though Eva might disagree.
Chuck: Eva, what’s going on?
Eva: I needed the money for a friend.
Blair: That weak excuse might have worked in the former Vichy Republic, but Chuck and I are savvy New Yorkers.
Chuck: How could I ever be angry at you? Just do me one favor.
Eva: Anything.
Chuck: Pick the charity for me to give my money to. Your heart will find the right one.
Dan: Well I’m sure you heard that Milo’s not mine. Georgina took him back.
Serena: Yeah, my mom told me. I’m sorry. How do you feel?
Dan: Vanessa and everyone keeps asking me that. Trying to get me to talk about it like it was this crushing blow, but I just got my life back. I want to enjoy it now, you know?
Blair: Is that Dan? That is not what you promised me!
Serena: It’s different. He came to me.
Blair: First, I don’t believe you.
Blair: Serena, do you remember when Chuck gave his heart to his mother? That was the beginning of the end. Of everything. Please.
Nate: Look at these pictures of Juliet. She’s coming out of the 116th subway station at 10pm on the night she said she had too much work to go out with me. You were right. She’s gotta be seeing someone else. What do I do?
Chuck: Well the old Chuck Bass would have told you to play the same game, make her jealous. But the new Chuck thinks you should be honest. Tell her how you feel, how much you like her.
Nate: I hope you didn’t lose old Chuck’s number. Eva was just spotted at the park, with Blair.
Serena: Even though you may regret entering my world, at least you’ve developed terrific social espionage skills.
Dan: Well as they say, adapt or die.
Eva about meeting Chuck: Actually I was in my room when I heard the gunshots. I went downstairs and…
Blair: You found him?
Eva: Well when the ambulance didn’t show up I knew I had to do something myself.
Blair: So you’re a beautiful blonde nurse without a mean bone in your body and you literally saved Chuck’s life.
Eva: You make it sound like I’m an angel. I just… I just did what I had to.
Dan: Not only am I manly and rugged but I have mad browsing skills.
Dan: I think the truth is she’s not convinced that I’m over you. And I’m probably not.
Blair: The woman is a saint! She didn’t recoil from those creepy cat rescuers. Or turn away from those pictures of the starving children. She didn’t even cringe when that homeless man licked her arm.
Dan: Well she might be used to weird guys licking her.
Serena: Yeah, ’cause she may be a saint but she’s also a prostitute.
Gossip Girl: Looks like Eva’s past may be Blair’s perfect present. But what’s more dangerous for Chuck— Eva’s secret? Or what B may do with it?
Blair: I’ve never been so happy for internet porn! Humphrey, you’ve done a fine job. Serena and I can take it from here.
Dan: Okay, but you may lose me to CSI: Williamsburg.
Rufus: Dan, you need to face what’s really going on here.
Dan: Dad, nothing is going on. Milo’s gone. I don’t need to be an adult anymore. I was just— Can’t I have a fun day with a friend?
Rufus: Not if it involves lying to the woman you’re living with. Dan. Talk to me.
Dan: When Milo was here, every decision I made was for his benefit. But now, I mean, I just wonder if I made all the wrong choices. When Georgina showed up here that day—pregnant—I mean I was about to fly to Paris. I was going to tell Serena that I loved her and that I would do whatever it took to get her back.
Nate: I covered for you! Okay? And I think Vanessa bought it but you know I’m a bad liar. Juliet took her for coffee . What’s going on?
Dan: Um… it’s complicated.
Nate: Does complicated mean you’re cheating on Vanessa?
Nate: Woah woah woah. So now your promises to Blair mean more than your pact with me? Or your relationship with Vanessa?
Dan: Nate, she’s a prostitute.
Nate: What?
Dan: I don’t mean in a gold diggerish, “Eva’s into Chuck’s money” kind of way, I mean she’s like got a web page and a price list. But you can’t tell Chuck. Please please please don’t tell Chuck. Blair wants to deal with this on her own.
Nate: Yeah, I bet she does.
Chuck: Nate Archibald has his “I hate to tell you this” face on.
Nate: Blair’s been looking into Eva’s past.
Chuck: Well we can’t be too surprised about that, can we?
Nate: She found something. Eva is—or at least she was— Chuck, she’s a prostitute.
Chuck: Nathaniel, I may be nice but I’m still me. You think I didn’t already know this?
Nate relieved: Oh, I— Of course you did. Look I’m sorry. Just be careful, okay? Knowing Blair’s she’s going to try and out this whole thing at the party later.
Eva: What do you think? silence You know.
Lily: You two look gorgeous!
Serena: Thank you. So do you. Though I do question your manila evening bag.
Lily: Oh, well, the Paris police sent me Charles’ effects about a week ago. Money clip, passport, you know I just keep forgetting.
Serena: His valet is right over there. He’ll drop it off in Chuck’s suite for you.
Chuck: So how’s the humiliation going to go down? Did your scheme team find Eva’s pimp? Is he going to roll up to the press with platforms on?
Blair: No.
Chuck: Oh. Well maybe you’ll project a sex tape of Eva and one of her johns as I make my way up to the dais.
Blair: Chuck, I’m not trying to humiliate anyone. I just wanted you to know the truth, but obviously you already do.
Chuck: Yes. And I don’t care.
Blair: How can you not care? This is your mother all over again! You’re giving your heart to a money grubbing harlot who only cares about herself. Please don’t do this.
Chuck: You just can’t stand to see someone finally change me that wasn’t you.
Dan: I had fun today. For the first time in a really long time.
Vanessa: Good for you, Dan. I’m glad that Serena’s so fun and I’m sorry that I’m not. That I’m just trying to make you deal with your feelings; with your life.
Dan: Every second of every day.
Vanessa: I’m trying to help you because that’s what adults do in an adult relationship.
Chuck about Eva: She fell in love with me when she didn’t know that I was Chuck Bass. And tonight I’m going to show her who that man really is.
Blair: Eva, would you mind if I had a word with chuck? It’s important.
Eva: Why not Blair. What more can you possibly do to me.
Chuck: What do you want now? To tell me Nate’s running a secret drug ring.
Blair: If he was you’d probably make him the CEO of Bass Industries.
Chuck: You have twenty seconds.
Blair: I thought finding out your honey was a hooker would be enough to sway you but you just rewarded her for her tricks. Pun intended.
Chuck: I found my passport in your suitcase.
Eva: What are you talking about?
Chuck: I should have known. You lied about the watch. You lied about your former career.
Eva: Is that what you think of me?
Chuck: I let you in. Told you everything—the whole of how my mother, my uncle, tried to take me. You sat there and you thought “I’m next.”
Eva: I’m sorry. I’ll pack my things.
Chuck: Only the things you came with.
Blair: You okay?
Chuck: I’m stupid. How could I ever believe someone good would actually love me.
Dan: I need to know. When you came home, were you coming home to me or him?
Serena: Honestly Dan, I was trying to choose.
Dan: Serena, there are some people who don’t need to choose.
Lily: Charles, thank you for a lovely evening. I am so proud of you. And I had Ivan put your things in your room.
Chuck: What things?
Lily: Um… the package from the Paris police. Your personal effects. Passport, what they sent last week.
Gossip Girl: Uh oh, Chuck. Looks like B stands for betrayal. Can you catch your angel before she flies away?
Chuck: Eva, stop it. Look, I’m so sorry. I should never have doubted you. I made a terrible mistake.
Eva still packing: You did. Thank you for saying so.
Chuck: Look, you are pure and perfect. I will make this up to you, I promise.
Eva: Chuck, I have to go.
Chuck: No, look you don’t. Blair set us up. I know better now.
Eva: Of course Blair lied to you. She’s a liar. But you chose to believe her. You are still connected to her. I see it when you’re together. I can feel it when I’m in the room.
Chuck: So let’s go away. Just you and me. Let’s go back to Paris, wherever you want. Right now.
Eva: You will always feel the pull of New York. This is your home. And now it’s time for me to return to mine.
Chuck: Don’t leave. Everybody leaves.
Eva: You’re Chuck Bass. And that means something different now. Don’t forget it. And don’t forget me.
Dan: It’s a really weird, embarrassing thing for a college guy to be admitting but ah, losing Milo… broke my heart.
Vanessa: I know. Mine too.
Blair: No Dan? In that dress. I’m shocked.
Serena: Yeah, I guess it’s for the best though. I mean If I end up with Dan a part of me will always love Nate. If I end up with Nate a part of me will always love Dan, so I don’t know. I guess I just need to find someone who gives me what I get from both of them.
Blair: That’s a mature decision. Not sure I’ve made many of my own for awhile.
Serena: What do you mean?
Dorota: Miss Blair, Mr. Chuck is here.
Chuck: I know what you did Blair. It’s despicable even for you. Do you hate me so much you can’t stand to see me happy?
Blair: No—
Chuck: So why did you drive the person I care most about out of town?
Blair: Eva left? Chuck I never meant to—
Chuck: Make her leave me? Of course you did. I need to know why. Is it possible you still love me?
Blair: How could I still love you after what you did?
Chuck: So you did it just to hurt me. Eva made me into someone I was proud to be. You just brought back my worst self. This means war Blair.
Blair: Chuck—
Chuck: Me versus you. No limits.
Gossip Girl: In the prestigious buildings of Manhattan’s elite, sometimes the door we open belongs to someone else.
Ivan (Christian Coulson): I’ll have this clean for you in the morning, sir. I ran into Eva and she said she was leaving. I’m sorry. She’ll be missed.
Chuck: Ivan. You’re fired.
Gossip Girl: And sometimes we let someone in, only to be left out in the cold. Yet sometimes, despite what we may want, the door just has too many locks. XOXO —Gossip Girl.