Rufus: We’ll get through this.
Lily: You sound so sure I almost believe you.
Lawyer: They’re ready for us.
Rufus: I’ll be waiting.
Lawyer: Lily, this is Assistant District Attorney Vincent. He’s going to be taking your statement.
ADA Vincent: Whenever you’re ready, Mrs. Humphrey.
Gossip Girl: They say Rome wasn’t built in a day. And yet what a difference a day makes.
12 Hours Earlier
Serena: B, you okay? You seem different.
Blair: I’m doing a cleanse.
Serena: No, I mean…
Blair: Oh. I’m fine. Being fired-slash-quitting W was humiliating. But it was also a wake-up call. If Chuck and I are meant to be together then I should trust that. In the meantime, I want what’s best for both of us.
Serena: Wow. That’s very enlightened.
Blair: It’s the leafy greens. B vitamins are excellent for cognitive function.
Blair: You’re doing it again.
Dorota: Something is different about you. I have a six sense.
Blair: You have no sense.
Dorota: You don’t come to me about any complaints about anything. You’re too happy. Content. I’m worried you join cult.
Blair: I have found my center that’s all. But—just to reassure you—here’s a complaint. Why haven’t you picked up my cocktail dress for Chuck’s party yet?
Chuck: I came to see Reina. I guess she’s not in yet. I wanted to invite her to a party I’m having at the Empire tonight. My deal with Kidd closes tomorrow. You’re welcome to come as well. Sorry, I didn’t come to gloat. I’ve just always been a multi-tasker.
Russell (Michael Boatman): Don’t you worry your victory lap might be premature?
Reina (Tika Sumpter): Have you told Chuck about us yet?
Nate: We’re an us?
Reina: I like you. But I don’t want to come between you and your best friend. Even if that best friend is Chuck Bass. But we haven’t done anything yet, so you’re free to pull the chute and walk away if that’s what you want.
Nate: That’s not what I want. So I’ll talk to Chuck tonight.
Reina: In the spirit of full disclosure, there’s something you need to know about me. My dad and I… we’re Notre Dame fans.
Nate: Oh no. No, you can’t be. What are you talking about?
Reina: Uh huh. I guess kids are out of the question.
Blair: I can’t believe I let you talk me in to the Joseph Beuys exhibit after all.
Dan: There’s a great article in here. You should read it.
Blair: We should go over field trip procedures again.
Dan: Oh joy.
Blair: Okay. I arrive first, survey the location in case there’s anyone I know, and scout out an exit strategy. You arrive at least fifteen minutes later. Plausible deniability. We just ran into each other.
Dan: You’re really big on plausible deniability. Has anyone ever told you that?
Dorota: Who were you talking to?
Blair: No one. Maybe your sixth sense is picking up voices from the other side.
Cynthia (Marsha Dietlein): What’s she doing here?
Ben (David Call): Serena, this is my mother. Cynthia.
Serena: Hey, Mrs. Sharpe. I’m Serena. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Cynthia: I wish I could say the same. Ben?
Ben: Remember, I told you Serena is friends with my roommate Dan. {to Serena} I’m sorry. He’s not here right now, but I’ll let him know that you stopped by.
Gossip Girl: Sorry, S. Looks like your sweetheart’s mom is still a little sour.
Ben: I’m sorry. I should have given you a heads up. She got here a few days ago. That’s why I haven’t been able to return your calls.
Serena: And here I thought I was being paranoid.
Serena: You were able to win over my family and my friends. I just want the same chance.
Lily: Someone who knows about Ben is trying to send a message.
Chuck: Subtle.
Rufus: So why did you want to grab coffee with your old man?
Dan: Do I need a reason?
Rufus: No, but you have one.
Dan: I, ah, I need your advice. But I gotta keep the details vague.
Rufus: Please, the vaguer the better. It keeps parenting a challenge.
Dan: You ever hung out with someone but not been able to tell anyone?
Rufus: You mean, ah, hang out, hang out or, you know… “hang out” hang out?
Dan: Oh god, this was a bad idea.
Rufus: What? That was vague.
Rufus: Well for what it’s worth, when Lily and I started hanging out again, neither of us wanted anyone else to know. But friendship can be an excuse—a cover when there’s something more you don’t want to admit, or you’re too scared to explore.
Dan: No… no. No. I mean, there’s no way. I mean even the thought of that is—
Rufus: Scary.
Dan: No, I mean we’re not even friends. I swear… we’re not.
Dorota: Don’t want to make you late to…. What exhibit is it again?
Blair: Joseph Beuys. Why?
Dorota: Maybe I could go with you.
Blair: You don’t even know who he is!
Dorota: He created term “social sculpture” to illustrate idea of art’s potential to transform society.
Blair: How do you know that?
Dorota: From Mr. Humphrey’s New York magazine I found in your room!
Blair: Just what are you implying?
Dorota: Your new secrecy, calmness with Mr. Chuck, supporting Miss Serena’s new boyfriend. And last week I find NOVA documentary in your Netflix queue!
Blair: What are you doing in my queue?!
Dorota: You and Lonely Boy are having affair!
Serena: Most people’s favorite pizza in Manhattan is John’s, but I’ve always been partial to Joe’s—
Cynthia: I’m lactose-intolerant.
Ben: So if you haven’t already guessed, Serena and I are more than just friends.
Cynthia: You think I don’t know? Why’d you think I came to New York?
Ben: How’d you figure it out?
Cynthia: It doesn’t matter.
Blair: You were right. This is a much better idea than spending the day pretending to like some German pedagogue of art. I’m going to shop until you drop.
Dorota: This could happen at any time.
Blair: Excuse me. Why aren’t you at MOMA meeting me?
Dan: I decided to grab lunch with my dad instead. Why aren’t you at MOMA meeting me?
Blair: I’m standing you up.
Dan: Ah. Well apparently great minds think alike.
Blair: But I had good reason.
Dan: And I would love to hear that reason, but my dad is gonna be out any second. And I haven’t scouted an exit strategy for you, so…
Gossip Girl: Why would a friendship based on fight suddenly end in flight? They say we only run from the things that truly scare us.
Chuck: I guess the old Archibald charm wasn’t as rusty as you thought. Unlike the knife in my back.
Nate: I talked you up to her like you asked me to. She wanted nothing to do with you.
Chuck: Don’t sugar coat it.
Nate: I like Reina. All right? And she likes me. I didn’t mean for it to happen this way but it did. I’m sorry.
Dan: Did you come all the way to Brooklyn just to yell at me? ‘Cause that’s really not necessary.
Blair: Yes it is.
Blair: God, I knew you’d be my social death, Humphrey. I just knew it.
Dan: No, you know what? It’s going to be fine. We can make it fine. All we have to do is tell everyone we’ve been hanging out. It’s not going to be a big deal unless we keep making it a big deal.
Blair: Which it totally isn’t.
Blair: That way everyone will assume that some earth-shattering scandal is imminent, like…
Dan: You getting traded for a hotel.
Blair: Or you. Raising Georgina’s baby by a Russian mobster.
Dan: So we tell everyone tonight. Agreed?
Blair: Agreed. Oh, and only I get to joke about the hotel. Still too soon.
Reina: How many times do I have to tell you, he isn’t like you.
Chuck: Maybe not yet. But if I’m right, he’s about to cross the line. You can stop him, Reina. If you care about him, you’ll do this.
Reina: I would never confront him based on your word alone.
Chuck: I’m not asking you to.
Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Serena, you should be careful. His sister made me think she was someone else too.
Ben: Do you know how many things I haven’t told you about my time in prison? Things that I just want to forget?
Serena: Look, I know what you were going through. But to have someone attacked—
Ben: Do not tell me that you understand what I went through.
Lily: Ben didn’t steal the affidavit. You did.
Cynthia: Mr. Thorpe contacted me and said that if I could get Ben to turn on you then he could get Ben his life back. Of course he didn’t listen, but it didn’t matter. Because he’d already let it slip. About the affidavit.
Lily: Ben will never forgive you for what you’ve done.
Cynthia: Well as parents, sometimes we have to make those tough choices. After all, isn’t that what you told yourself?
Chuck: I have guests downstairs.
Russell: And I have the final nail for your coffin. It’s just a copy of course. Perjury, obstruction of justice. Bribery of public officials.
Chuck: Why don’t we cut right to it.
Russell: That I can do. You sign over Bass Industries once and for all or I’ll destroy you and your entire family. {Chuck pauses.} I’m surprised you even have to think it over.
Chuck: I wasn’t thinking, I was waiting.
Russell: For what?
Reina: For me. He was right about you. This whole time. He was right.
Chuck: I’d follow her if I were you.
Russell: No. He signs over the company right now or you’re going to jail.
Lily: Maybe. But not because of you or anyone else. I called the DA ten minutes ago. Rufus is waiting in the car to take me downtown.
Russell: Don’t you even want to know why? Why I was willing to sacrifice my own daughter just to destroy your precious little legacy?
Chuck: Because Lily left you for my father.
Russell: I think you know me better than that by now. Did Reina ever talk about her mother?
Gossip Girl: Careful, Chuck. When it comes to Bart Bass, seek, and who knows what you may find.
Nate: Finding out your father isn’t the person you grew up idolizing sucks, but it doesn’t mean he loves you any less.
Reina: Then what does it mean?
Nate: It means that he’s human.
Ben: You ever have a dream that feels so real, when you wake up you just want to lie there with your eyes closed and hold on to it? I barely remember being a teacher at Knightley. Being with you, makes it feel real. Because you remember.
Dan: Serena, Eric, Lily, they’re gonna need us now more than ever.
Blair: And not “us.” Dan and Blair. Individual entities. Two nouns separated by a conjunction.
Dan: Or a comma, if mentioned in a list.
Blair: Which is rare. Since we have nothing in common and are in fact, opposites.
Dan: The kind of opposites who do not attract.
Blair: Most definitely not.
Dan: No.
Blair: The world just wasn’t ready for a Humphrey-Waldorf friendship. It’s been nice not being friends with you.
Dan: Let’s not do it again some time.
Rufus: I suggest you leave. I’m not the only one who remembers why you were run out of town after your last visit.
Will (William Baldwin): I appreciate your concern, Rufus. I tell you what, I’ll let Cece explain everything. She’s flying in as soon as she can.
Rufus: What?
Will: I don’t think Lily quite realizes what she’s in for. It’s time to circle the wagons, Rufus. It’s what we do best.
Reina: I know Lily turned herself in, but that doesn’t change anything between us.
Russell: I wasn’t expecting it to. I just hope one day that you’ll forgive me.
Serena: Chuck, talk to me. My mom just turned herself in to protect you. Why’d you shut down the party?
Chuck: There’s nothing to celebrate.
Serena: What are you talking about? The company is safe, you’re about to be head of your father’s empire. It’s what you’ve always wanted.
Chuck: What I wanted. All I ever wanted was to know him, for him to let me in. He lied to me until the day he died.
Dan: I’ve been walking around the city all night with one all-consuming, paralyzing thought.
Blair: “Why am I walking around the city when I live in Brooklyn.”?
Dan: What if my dad and Dorota were right, what if there’s another reason we’re keeping us a secret?
Blair: Another reason like what?
Dan: Plausible deniability? Blair, we kept us a secret because we were afraid there was something more.
Dan: Just one kiss. And then we can know without a doubt.
Blair: I suppose that would work. One kiss. That’s that.
Dan: One kiss and that’s that. So?
Blair: So. {he slowly leans in} Oh for crying out loud, Humphrey!
Gossip Girl: XOXO —Gossip Girl