Series 5

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The Eleventh Hour

The Doctor: Can I have an apple? All I can think about. Apples. I love apples. Maybe I’m having a craving. That’s new. I’ve never had cravings before. Look at that.
Amelia Pond: Are you okay?
The Doctor: Just had a fall. All of the way down there into the library. Hell of a climb back up.
Amelia Pond: You’re soaking wet.
The Doctor: I was in the swimming pool.
Amelia Pond: You said you were in the library.
The Doctor: So’s the swimming pool.
Amelia Pond: Are you a policeman?
The Doctor: Why? Did you call a policeman?
Amelia Pond: Did you come about the crack in my wall?
The Doctor: What cra— he falls
Amelia Pond: Are you all right, Mister?
The Doctor: I’m fine! I’m okay! This is all perfectly normal.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don’t know yet. Still cooking. Does it scare you?
Amelia Pond: It just looks a bit weird.
The Doctor: No no no. The crack in your wall, does it scare you?
Amelia Pond: Yes.
The Doctor: Well then, no time to lose. I’m the Doctor. Do everything I tell you, don’t ask stupid questions, and don’t wander off. turns and smacks into a tree
Amelia Pond: You alright?
The Doctor: Better days. Steering’s a bit off.

The Doctor: That’s disgusting. What is that?
Amelia: An apple.
The Doctor: Apple’s rubbish. I hate apples.
Amelia: You said you liked them. No no no. I like yogurt. Yogurt’s my favorite. Gimme yogurt.

The Doctor: I hate yogurt. It’s stuff with bits in it.
Amelia: You said it was your favorite.
The Doctor: New mouth, new rules!
It’s like eating after cleaning your teeth. Everything tastes—
Amelia: What is it? What’s wrong with you?
The Doctor: Wrong with me? It’s not my fault. Why can’t you give any decent food. You’re Scottish. Fry something.

The Doctor: Beans are evil. Bad bad beans.

Amelia: Got some carrots.
The Doctor: Carrots. Are you insane? Hang on, I know what I need. Fish fingers. And custard.

The Doctor: So your aunt. Where’s she?
Amelia: She’s out.
The Doctor: And she left you all alone?
Amelia: I’m not scared.
The Doctor: ‘Course you’re not!
You’re not afraid of anything. Box falls out of the sky, man falls out of the box, man eats fish custard. And look you, just sitting there. So you know what I think.
Amelia: What?
The Doctor: Must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall.

The Doctor: You’ve had some cowboys in here. Not actual cowboys. Though that can happen.

The Doctor: Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey. Do you know what the crack is?
Amelia: What?
The Doctor: It’s a crack. And I’ll tell you something funny. If you knock this wall down the crack would stay put ’cause the crack isn’t in the wall.
Amelia: Where is it then?
The Doctor: Everywhere. And everything. It’s a split in the skin of the world. Two parts of space and time that should never have touched.

The Doctor: You know when grown-ups tell you everything’s gonna be fine and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better.
Amelia: Yes.
The Doctor: Everything’s going to be fine.

The Doctor: “Prisoner Zero has escaped”. But why tell us? Unless…
Amelia: Unless what?
The Doctor: Unless Prisoner Zero escaped through here.

The Doctor: Give me five minutes. I’ll be right back.
Amelia: People always say that.
The Doctor: Am I people? Do I even look like people. Trust me. I’m a doctor.

Amy: Oy! You. Sit still.
The Doctor: Cricket bat. [?]. Cricket bat.
Amy: You were breaking and entering.
The Doctor trying to get up: Well that’s much better. Brand new me. Whack on the head— just what I needed.
Amy: Do you want to shut up now. I’ve got back-up on the way.
The Doctor: Hang on, no wait—you’re a policewoman.
Amy: And you’re breaking and entering. You see how this works?
The Doctor: But what are you doing here? Where’s Amelia?
Amy: Amelia Pond?
The Doctor: Yeah. Amelia. Little Scottish girl. Where is she? I promised her five minutes, but the engines were phasing. I suppose I must have gone a bit far. Has something happened to her?
Amy: Amelia Pond hasn’t lived here in a long time.
The Doctor: How long?
Amy: Six months.
The Doctor: No! No! No no no. I can’t be six months late. I said five minutes. I promised. What happened to her? What happened to Amelia Pond?

The Doctor: How many rooms?
Amy: What?
The Doctor: On this floor. How many rooms on this floor? Count them for me now.
Amy: Why?
The Doctor: Because it will change your life.
Amy: Five. One two three four five.
The Doctor: Six.
Amy: Six?
The Doctor: Look.
Amy: Look where?
The Doctor: Exactly where you don’t want to look. Where you never want to look. The corner of your eye. Look behind you.

The Doctor: Why does no one ever listen to me? Do I just have a face that nobody listens to… again?

The Doctor: Oh, what has the bad alien done to you?
Amy: Will that door hold it?
The Doctor: Oh yeah! Yeah, ‘course. It’s an inter-dimensional, multiform from outer space. They’re all terrified of wood.

The Doctor: Run! Just go. Your backup’s coming. I’ll be fine.
Amy: There is no back up.
The Doctor: I heard you on the radio. You called for back up.
Amy: I was pretending. It’s a pretend radio.
The Doctor: But you’re a policewoman.
Amy: I’m a kiss-o-gram!

The Doctor: Her and me, we’re safe. Wanna know why? ‘Cause she sent for back up.
Amy: I didn’t send for back up!
The Doctor: I know. That was a clever lie to save our lives. Okay! Yeah, no back up! And that’s why we’re safe. Alone we’re not a threat to you. If we had back up, then you’d have to kill us.
Atraxi overhead: Attention Prisoner Zero: The human residence is surrounded. Attention Prisoner Zero—
Amy: What’s that?
The Doctor: Well that would be back up. Okay, one more time. We do have back up. And that’s definitely why we’re safe…. Well safe apart from, you know, incineration.

The Doctor: You’re Amelia!
Amy: You’re late.
The Doctor: Amelia Pond. You’re the little girl.
Amy: I’m Amelia. And you’re late.
The Doctor: What happened?
Amy: Twelve years.
The Doctor: You hit me with a cricket bat.
Amy: Twelve years.
The Doctor: A cricket bat.
Amy: Twelve years and four psychiatrists!

The Doctor: Who’s Amy? You were Amelia.
Amy: Yeah? And now I’m Amy.
The Doctor: Amelia Pond. That was a great name.
Amy: Bit fairy tale.

The Doctor: You were a little girl five minutes ago!
Amy: You’re worse than my aunt.
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor. I’m worse than everybody’s aunt. And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

The Doctor: Oh and here they come. The human race. See. The end comes as it was always going to: down a video phone.

This is a secure phone! What are you doing here?
The Doctor: Yeah, I know. You should switch me off. But before you do, watch this. Fermat’s Theorem. The proof. And I mean the real one. Never been seen before. Poor Fermat got killed in a duel before he could write it down. My fault. I slept in. Oh! And here’s an oldie but a goodie: why electrons have mass. And a personal favorite of mine. Faster than light travel with two diagrams and a joke.

Sir, what are you doing?
The Doctor: I am writing a computer virus. Very clever, super fast, and a tiny bit alive. But don’t let on!

The Doctor: You came to this world by opening a crack in space and time. Do it again. Just leave.
Prisoner Zero: I did not open the crack.
The Doctor: Somebody did.
Prisoner Zero: The cracks in the skin of the Universe. Don’t you know where they came from? You don’t, do you? The Doctor in the TARDIS doesn’t know. Doesn’t know doesn’t know! The Universe is cracked. The Pandorica will open, silence will fall.

The Doctor: And we’re off! Look at that. Look at that! Yeah, I know. Just a clock. Whatever.

The Doctor: And the final score is no TARDIS, no screwdriver, two minutes to spare. Who da man?! Silence. I’m never saying that again. Fine.

The Doctor: Well that’s rubbish. Who’s that supposed to be?
Rory: It’s you.
The Doctor: Is that what I look like?
Rory: You don’t know?
The Doctor: Busy day.

Amy: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Tracking the signal back—sorry, in advance.
Rory Williams: About what?
The Doctor: The bill. Oy! I didn’t say you could go. Article 57 of the Shadow Proclamation. This is a fully-established level five planet. And you were going to burn it. What? Did you think no one was watching. You lot. Back here. Now. Okay. Now I’ve done it.
Rory Williams: Did he just bring them back? Did he just save the world from aliens and then bring all the aliens back again?

Atraxi: You are not of this world.
The Doctor: No, but I’ve put a lot of work into it.

The Doctor to the Atraxi: Hello. I’m the Doctor. Basically: run.

The Doctor to the TARDIS: Okay. What have you got for me this time? Look at you. Oh you sexy thing. Look at you!

Amy: It’s you. You came back.
The Doctor: ‘Course I came back. I always come back. Something wrong with that?
Amy: You kept the clothes.
The Doctor: Well I just saved the world. The whole planet for about the millionth time. No charge. Yeah, shoot me. I kept the clothes.
Amy: Including the bowtie.
The Doctor: Yeah, it’s cool. Bowties are cool.
Amy: Are you from another planet?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Amy: ‘Kay.
The Doctor: So what do you think?
Amy: What?
The Doctor: Other planets. Wanna check some out?
Amy: What does that mean?
The Doctor: It means, well. It means, come with me.
Amy: Where?
The Doctor: Wherever you want.
Amy: All that stuff that happened—the hospital, the spaceships, Prisoner Zero—
The Doctor: Oh, don’t worry. That’s just the beginning. There’s loads more.
Amy: Yeah but those things. Those amazing things—all that stuff… That was two years ago!
The Doctor: Ooo! … Oops. So that’s—
Amy: Fourteen years!
The Doctor: Fourteen years since fish custard. Amy Pond, the Girl Who Waited. You’ve waited long enough.
Amy: When I was a kid you said there was a library. And a swimming pool. And the swimming pool was in the library.
The Doctor: Yeah. Not sure where it’s got to now. It’ll turn up. So: coming?
Amy: No.
The Doctor: You wanted to come fourteen years ago.
Amy: I grew up.
The Doctor: Don’t worry. I’ll soon fix that. snaps his fingers and opens the TARDIS door.

The Doctor: So. All of time and space. Everything that ever happened or ever will. Where do you want to start?
Amy: You are so sure that I am coming.
The Doctor: Yeah. I am.
Amy: Why?
The Doctor: ‘Cause you’re the Scottish girl in an English village. And I know how that feels.
Amy: Oh do you?
The Doctor: All these years, living here most of your life and you’ve still got that accent. Yeah, you’re coming.
Amy: Can you get me back for tomorrow morning?
The Doctor: It’s a time machine. I can get you back for five minutes ago. Why, what’s tomorrow?
Amy: Nothing. Nothing. Just, you know, stuff.
The Doctor: Alright then. Back in time for stuff.

The Doctor: Oh! A new one. to the TARDIS Thanks dear.

Amy: I started to think you were just, like, a mad man with a box.
The Doctor: Amy Pond, there’s something you better understand about me ’cause it’s important. And one day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a mad man with a box.

The Beast Below

Amy: I’m in the future. Like hundreds of years in the future. I’ve been dead for centuries.
The Doctor: Oh… lovely. You’re a cheery one. Never mind dead! Look at this place. Isn’t it wrong?

The Doctor: Sorry. Checking the water in this area. There’s an escaped fish.

Amy: One little girl crying. So?
The Doctor: Crying silently. I mean children cry because they want attention. ‘Cause they’re hurt or afraid. When they cry silently it’s ’cause they just can’t stop.

Amy: Where’d she go?
The Doctor: Deck 27. Apple Sesame Block. Building 54a. You’re looking for Mandy Tanner. Oo! Ah, this fell out of her pocket when I accidentally bumped into her. Took me four gos.
Ask her about those things. The smiling fellas in the booths. They’re everywhere.

The Doctor: Meet me back here in half an hour.
Amy: What are you going to do?
The Doctor: What I always do. Stay out of trouble. Badly.

Liz Ten: The impossible truth. In a glass of water. Not many people see it. But you do. Don’t you, Doctor.
The Doctor: You know me.
Liz Ten: Keep your voice down. They’re everywhere. Tell me what you see in the glass.
The Doctor: Who says I see anything?
Liz Ten: Don’t waste time. At the marketplace. You
placed a glass of water on the floor, looked at it, then came straight here to the engine room. Why?
The Doctor: No engine vibration on deck. Ship this size, engine this big, you’d feel it. The water would move. So. I thought I’d take a look.

The Doctor: And once every five years everyone chooses to forget what they’ve learned. Democracy in action.

Mandy: How do you not know about this? Are you Scottish too?
The Doctor: Oh, I’m way worse than the Scottish. I can’t even see the movie. Won’t play for me.
Amy: Played for me.
The Doctor: Well the difference being the computer doesn’t accept me as human.
Amy: Why not? You look human.
The Doctor: No. You look Time Lord. We came first.
Amy: So there are other Time Lords, yeah?
The Doctor: No. There were but they’re all— just me now. Long story. It was a bad day. Bad stuff happened. And you what I’d love to forget it all, every last bit of it. But I don’t. Not ever. ‘Cause this is what I do. Every time. Every day. Every second. This. Hold tight. We’re bringing down the government.

The Doctor: High speed air cannon. Lousy way to travel.
Amy: Where are we?
The Doctor: Six hundred feet down. Twenty miles, naturally puts us at about the heart of the ship. I’d say *sniffs* Lancashire.

The Doctor: It’s not a floor, it’s a— So.
Amy: It’s a what?
The Doctor: The next word is kind of a scary word. You might want to take a moment, get yourself in a calm place. Go “ommmmmm”. It’s a tongue.

The Doctor: If this is just a mouth I’d love to see the stomach! Though not right now.

The Doctor: Right then. This isn’t going to be big on dignity.

Amy: Doctor?
The Doctor: Oh Amy. We should never have come here.

Amy: And you always wear this in public?
Liz Ten: Undercover’s not easy when you’re me. The autographs. The bunting.
The Doctor: Yeah, but it’s porcelain. Stays on by itself because it’s perfectly sculpted to your face.
Liz Ten: Yeah? So what.
The Doctor: Oh Liz. So everything.

The Doctor: Liz. Your mask.
Liz Ten: What about my mask?
The Doctor: Look at it. It’s old. At least about two hundred years old, I’d say.
Liz Ten: Yeah. It’s an antique. So.
The Doctor: Yeah. An antique. Made my craftsmen over two hundred years ago and perfectly sculpted to your face. The slowed your body clock alright. But you’re not fifty. You’re 300.

Amy: I voted for this. Why would I do that?
The Doctor: ‘Cause you knew if we stayed here I’d be faced with an impossible choice. Humanity or the alien. You took it upon yourself to save me from that. And that was wrong, You don’t ever decide what I need to know.
Amy: I don’t even remember doing it.
The Doctor: You did it. That’s what counts.
Amy: I’m… I’m sorry.
The Doctor: Oh I don’t care. When I’m done here you’re going home.
Amy: Why? Because I made a mistake? One mistake. I don’t even remember doing it! Doctor!
The Doctor: Yeah. I know. You’re only human.
Liz Ten: What are you doing?
The Doctor: The worst thing I ever do. I’m going to pass a massive electrical charge through the Star Whale’s brain. It should knock over his high functions. Leave it a vegetable.
The ship will still fly but the whale won’t feed it.
That will be like killing it.

The Doctor: Look. Three options. One, I let the Star Whale continue in unendurable agony for hundreds more years. Two, I kill everyone on this ship. Three, I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can. And then I find a new name ’cause I won’t be The Doctor anymore.
Amy: There must be something we can do. Some other way.
The Doctor: Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today!

The Doctor: Amy, you could have killed everyone on this ship.
Amy: And you could have killed a Star Whale.

Amy: Shouldn’t we say goodbye? Won’t they wonder where we went?
The Doctor: For the rest of their lives. Oh the songs they’ll write. Never mind them. Big day tomorrow.
Amy: Sorry, what?
The Doctor: Well it’s always a big day tomorrow. We’ve got a time machine. I skip the little ones.
Amy: You know what I said about getting back tomorrow morning? Have you ever run away from something because you were scared. Or not ready. Or just… just because you could.
The Doctor: Once. A long time ago.
Amy: What happened?
The Doctor: Hello.

Victory of the Daleks

Churchill: So you’ve changed your face again.
The Doctor: Yeah. Had a bit of work done.

Amy: What was that?
The Doctor: That wasn’t human. That was never human technology. That sounded like—
Shouldn’t be. Show me! Show me what that was!
Professor Edwin Bracewell: Advance.
Churchill: Our new secret weapon! What do you think? Quite something, eh?

The Doctor: What are you doing here?
Dalek: I am your soldier.
The Doctor: What?
Dalek: I am your soldier.

The Doctor: He didn’t invent them. They’re alien.
Churchill: Alien?
The Doctor: Totally hostile.
Churchill: Precisely. They will win me the war.

The Doctor: Amy tell him.
Amy: Tell him what?
The Doctor: About the Daleks.
Amy: What do I know about the Daleks?
The Doctor: Everything. They invaded your world, remember? Planets in the sky. You don’t forget that. Amy. Tell me you remember the Daleks.
Amy: Nope. Sorry.
The Doctor: That’s not possible.

The Doctor: Listen to me. Just listen. The Daleks have no conscience. No mercy. No pity. They are my oldest and deadliest enemy. You can not trust them.
Churchill: If Hitler invaded hell I would give a favorable reference to the Devil.

The Doctor: You are everything I despise. The worst sin in all creation. I’ve defeated you time and time again. I’ve defeated. I’ve sent you back into the Void. I’ve saved the whole reality from you. I am the Doctor and you are the Daleks!
Dalek: Correct! Review testimony.
The Doctor: What are you talking about, testimony?
Dalek: Transmit testimony now.
The Doctor: Transmit what where?

Amy: What just happened Doctor?
The Doctor: I wanted to know what they wanted. What was their plan. I was their plan.

Amy: So what do you we do? Is this what we do now, chase after them?
The Doctor: This is what I do, yeah. And it’s dangerous so you wait here.
Amy: What, so you mean I’ve gotta stay down here in the middle of the London Blitz?
The Doctor: Safe as it gets around me.

The Doctor: What are you doing?
Dalek: Withdraw now or the city dies in flames!
The Doctor: Who are you kidding? This ship is a wreck. You don’t have the power to destroy London.
Dalek: Watch as the humans destroy themselves.

The Doctor: Either you turn off your clever machine or I’ll blow you and your new paradigm into eternity.
Dalek: And yourself?
The Doctor: Occupational hazard!
Dalek: Scan reveals nothing. TARDIS self-destruct device non-existent.
The Doctor: Alright, it’s a Jammie Dodger. But I was promised tea!

Dalek: Bracewell is a bomb.
The Doctor: You’re bluffing. Deception’s second nature to you. There isn’t a sincere bone in your body. There isn’t a bone in your body.

The Doctor: I had a choice and they knew I’d choose the earth. The Daleks have won. They beat me. They’ve won.
Amy: But you saved the Earth. That’s not too shabby.
The Doctor: Not too shabby, no.

Amy: You’re worried about the Daleks.
The Doctor: I’m always worried about the Daleks.

The Time of Angels

The Doctor looking through the display cases: Wrong. Wrong. Bit right, mostly wrong. I love museums!
Amy: Yeah, great. Can we go to a planet now? Big spaceship, Churchill’s bunker. Let’s hit a planet next.
The Doctor: Amy this isn’t any old asteroid. It’s the Delirium Archive. The final resting place of the Headless Monks. The biggest museum ever.
Amy: You’ve got a time machine. What do you need museums for?
The Doctor: Wrong! Very wrong. Oo! One of mine. Also one of mine.
Amy: Oh I see. It’s how you keep score.

The Doctor: There were days—there were many days—these words could burn stars… and raise up empires… and topple gods.
Amy: What does this say?
The Doctor: “Hello Sweetie.”

Amy: Why are we doing this?
The Doctor: ‘Cause someone on a spaceship twelve thousand years ago is trying to attract my attention.

River: They’ve gone into warp drive. We’re losing them. Stay close.
The Doctor: I’m trying!
River: Use the stabilizers.
The Doctor: It doesn’t have stabilizers!
River: The blue switches.
The Doctor: Well the blue switches don’t do anything. They’re just blue.
River: Yes, they’re blue. They’re the blue stabilizers! The TARDIS stabilizes. See?
The Doctor: Yeah. Well, just boring now, isn’t it? They’re borings. They’re blue borings.
Amy: Doctor, how come she can fly the TARDIS?
The Doctor: You call that flying the TARDIS? Ha!

River: Okay. I’ve mapped the probability vectors, done a full background temporal isometry, charted the ship to its destination and… parked us right alongside.
The Doctor: “Parked us.” We haven’t landed.
River: Of course we’ve landed. I just landed her.
The Doctor: But… it didn’t make the noise.
River: What noise?
The Doctor: You know the {imitates the TARDIS… sort of}
River: It’s not supposed to make that noise. You leave the brakes on.
The Doctor: Yeah. Well it’s a brilliant noise. I love that noise.

The Doctor: Come along, Pond. Let’s have a look.
River: No, wait! Environment checks.
The Doctor: Oh yes. Sorry. Quite right. Environment checks. {opens the door}. Nice out.

The Doctor: …oxygen-rich atmosphere, all toxins in the soft band, eleven hour day and… {sniffs the air} chances of rain later.
River: He thinks he’s so hot when he does that.

Amy: Explain. Who is that and how did she do that museum thing?
The Doctor: It’s a long story and I don’t know most of it.

Amy: Are you basically running away?
The Doctor: Yep.
Amy: Why?
The Doctor: ‘Cause she’s the future. My future.
Amy: And you run away from that?
The Doctor: I can run away from anything I like. Time is not the boss of me.

The Doctor: I’m nobody’s taxi service! I’m not going to be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.
River: And you are so wrong.

River: Where are we up to? Have we done the Bone Meadows?
Amy: What’s the book?
The Doctor: Stay away from it.
Amy: What is it though?
The Doctor: Her diary.
River: Our diary.
The Doctor: Her past. My… future. Time travel. We keep meeting in the wrong order.

The Doctor: Catacombs. Probably dark ones. Dark catacombs. Great.
Octavian: Technically, I think it’s called a “Maze of the Dead”.
The Doctor: You can stop anytime you like.

The Doctor: You’re still here. Which part of “wait in the TARDIS until I tell you it’s safe” was so confusing?
Amy: Are you all Mr. Grumpy Face today?
The Doctor: A Weeping Angel, Amy, is the deadliest, most powerful, most malevolent lifeform evolution has ever produced and right now one of them is trapped inside that wreckage, and I’m supposed to climb in after it with a screwdriver and a torch and—assuming I survive the radiation long enough and assuming the whole ship doesn’t explode in my face—do something incredibly clever which I haven’t actually thought up yet. That’s my day. That’s what I’m up to. Any questions?
Amy: Is River Song your wife? ‘Cause she’s someone from your future. And the way she talks to you, I’ve never seen anyone do that. She’s kind of like, you know, “Heel boy.” She’s Mrs. Doctor from the future, isn’t she? Is she going to be your wife one day?
The Doctor: Yes. {pause.} You’re right. I am definitely Mr. Grumpy Face today.

The Doctor: Where did it come from?
River: Pulled from the ruins at Razzmahan into last century. It’s been in private hands ever since. Dormant all that time.

The Doctor: There’s a difference between dormant and patient.

The Doctor: You lot, you’re everywhere. You’re like rabbits! {pleased} I’ll never get done saving you.

Octavian: A stone angel on the loose amongst stone statues. Lot harder than I prayed for.

River: A needle in a haystack.
The Doctor: A needle that looks like hay. A hay-like needle of death. A hay-like needle of death in a haystack of… statues. No, yours is fine.

River: Yes we are.
The Doctor: Sorry, what?
River: Talking about you.
The Doctor: I wasn’t listening. I’m busy.
River: Ah. The other way up. {The Doctor looks at the device and then turns it the right way up}
The Doctor: Yeah.

River: Incredible builders, the Aplans.
The Doctor: Had dinner with their chief architect once. Two heads are better than one.
Amy: What, you mean you helped him?
The Doctor: No, I mean he had two heads.

The Doctor: Lovely species, the Aplans. We should visit them sometime.
Amy: I thought they were all dead.
The Doctor: So is Virginia Woolf. I’m on her bowling team.

The Doctor: ‘Course then they started having laws against self-marrying. I mean, what was that about? But that’s the church for you. Ah, no offense. Bishop.
Octavian: Quite a lot taken if that’s all right, Doctor.

The Doctor realizing: Oh.
Amy: What’s wrong?
Riverrealizing:Oh.
The Doctor: Exactly.
River: How could we not notice that?
The Doctor: Low level perception filter or maybe we’re thick.
Octavian:
What’s wrong, sir?
The Doctor: Nobody move! Nobody move. Everyone stay exactly where they are. Bishop, I am truly sorry I’ve made a mistake and we are all in terrible danger.
Octavian: What danger?
River: The Aplans.
Octavian: The Aplans?
River: They’ve got two heads.
Octavian: Yes, I get that. So?
The Doctor: So why don’t the statues.

The Doctor: Every statue in this maze—every single one—is a Weeping Angel. And they’re coming after us.

Bob: I’m on my way up to you, sir. I’m homing in on your signal.
The Doctor: Well done, Bob. Scared keeps you fast. Told you didn’t I. Your friends, Bob. What did the Angels do to them?
Bob: Snapped their necks, sir.
The Doctor: See that’s odd. That’s not how the Angels kill you. They displace you in time unless they needed bodies for something.

The Doctor: Bob, keep running. But tell me, how did you escape?
Bob: I didn’t escape, sir. The Angel killed me too.
The Doctor: What do you mean, the Angel killed you too?
Bob: Snapped my neck sir. Wasn’t as painless as I expected but it was pretty quick, so that was something.
The Doctor: If you’re dead how can I be talking to you?
Bob: You’re not talking to me sir. The Angel has no voice. They stripped my cerebral cortex from my body and reanimated a version of my consciousness to communicate with you. Sorry about the confusion.
The Doctor: So when you say “you’re”
on your way up to us…
Bob: It’s the Angel that’s coming sir, yes.

The Doctor: Angel Bob. Which Angel am I talking to? The one from the ship?
Angel Bob: Yes sir.
And the other Angels are still restoring.
The Doctor: Ah! So the Angel is not in the wreckage. Thank you!

Angel Bob: The Doctor. Can I speak to the Doctor please?
The Doctor: Hello, Angels. What’s your problem?

The Doctor: Okay. The Angels have made their second mistake because I’m not going to let that pass. I’m sorry you’re dead, Bob, but I swear to whatever is left of you they will be sorrier.
Angel Bob: But you’re trapped sir. And about to die.
The Doctor: Yeah. Trapped. And you know what? Speaking of traps, this trap’s got a great big mistake in it. A great big whopping mistake!
Angel Bob: What mistake sir?

The Doctor: Trust me?
Amy: Yeah.
The Doctor: Trust me?
River: Always.

The Doctor: I’m about to do something incredibly stupid and dangerous. When I do, jump.

Angel Bob: Sorry, can I ask again? You mentioned a mistake we’ve made.
The Doctor: Oh big big mistake. Really huge. Didn’t anyone ever tell you? There’s one thing you never put in a trap—if you’re smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow—there’s one thing you never ever put in a trap.
Angel Bob: And what would that be, sir?
The Doctor: Me.

Flesh and Stone

Amy: Doctor, what am I looking at? Explain.
The Doctor: Oh c’mon, Amy. Think! The ship crashed with the power still on, yeah? So what else is still on? The artificial gravity. One good jump and up we fell. Shot out the grav globe to give us an updraft and here we are!

Octavian: This whole place is a death trap!
The Doctor: No, it’s a time bomb. Well it’s a death trap and a time bomb. And now it’s a dead end. Nobody panic. Oh. Just me then.

Amy: Okay, so we’ve basically run up the inside of a chimney, yeah? So what if the gravity fails?
The Doctor: I’ve thought about that.
Amy: And?
The Doctor: And we’ll all plunge to our deaths. See? I’ve thought about it.

The Doctor: The security protocols are still online and there’s no way to override them. It’s impossible.
River: How impossible?
The Doctor: Two minutes.

The Doctor: I’ll need to route the power in this section through the door control.
Octavian: Good. Fine. Do it.
The Doctor: Including the lights. All of them. I’ll need to turn out the lights.
Octavian: How

The Doctor: Fraction of a second. Maybe longer. Maybe quite a bit longer.
Octavian: Maybe?
The Doctor: Well I’m guessing. We’re being attacked by statues in a crashed ship. There isn’t a manual for this!

Angel Bob: The Angels are feasting sir. Soon we’ll be able to absorb enough power to consume this vessel, this world and all the stars and worlds beyond.
The Doctor: Well, we’ve got comfy chairs, did I mention?
Angel Bob: We have no need of comfy chairs.
The Doctor to Amy: I made him say “comfy chairs”.

The Doctor: So what are you? {checks the crack} Oh, that’s bad. That’s extremely very not good.

The Doctor to himself: Do. Not. Blink.

The Doctor: Why am I not dead then? {the Angels are focused on the crack} Good and not so good. Oh this is new and a little bit good. I mean, is that it? Is that the power that brought you here? That’s pure time energy, you can’t feed on that. That’s not power, that’s the fire at the end of the Universe. And I’ll tell you something else—cut to him running off—never let me talk.

River: How did you get past them?
The Doctor: Found a crack in the wall, told them it was the end of the Universe.
Amy: What was it?
The Doctor: The end of the Universe.

The Doctor: Amy, listen to me. If you open your eyes now for more than a second you will die. The Angel is still inside you. We haven’t stopped it, we’ve just sort of… paused it. You’ve used up your countdown. You can not open your eyes.

Octavian: Doctor, we’re too exposed here. We have to move on.
The Doctor: We’re too exposed everywhere. And Amy can’t move and anyway that’s not the plan.
River: There’s a plan?
The Doctor: I don’t know yet. I haven’t finished talking.

The Doctor: Amy. You need to start trusting me. It’s never been more important.
Amy: But you don’t always tell me the truth.
The Doctor: If I always told you the truth I wouldn’t need you to trust me.
Amy: Doctor, the crack in my wall. How can it be here?
The Doctor: I don’t know yet but I’m working it out.

The Doctor: Now. Listen. Remember what I told you when you were seven.
Amy: What did you tell me?
The Doctor: No. See that’s the whole point. You have to remember. {he kisses her forehead}

The Doctor: Cracks, cracks in time. Time running out. No, couldn’t be. But how is a duck pond a duck pond if there aren’t any ducks. And she didn’t recognize the Daleks. Okay, time can shift. Time can be rewritten. But how? Oh.

The Doctor: Time can be unwritten.

Octavian: River Song. You think you know her, but you don’t. You don’t understand who or what she is.
The Doctor: Then tell me.
Octavian: I’ve told you more than I should. Now please. You have to go. It’s your duty to your friends.
The Doctor: Just tell me why she was in Stormcage.
Octavian: She killed a man. A good man. A hero to many.
The Doctor: Who?
Octavian: You don’t want to know, sir, you really don’t.

Octavian: Sir, the Angels are coming. You have to leave me!
The Doctor: You’ll die.
Octavian: I will die in the knowledge that my courage did not desert me at the end. For that I thank God. And bless the path that takes you to safety.
The Doctor: I wish I’d known you better.
Octavian: I think, sir, you know me at my best.
The Doctor: Ready?
Octavian: Content.

River: That time energy, what’s it going to do?
The Doctor: Ah, keep eating.
River: How do we stop it?
The Doctor: Feed it.
River: Feed it what?
The Doctor: A big complicated space-time event should shut it up for awhile.
River: Like what, for instance?
The Doctor: Like me! For instance!

River: I’ve traveled in time. I’m a complicated space-time event too. Throw me in.
The Doctor: Oh be serious, compared to me these Angels are more complicated than you and it’d take every single one of them to amount to me, so get a grip.
River: Doctor, I can’t let you do this.
The Doctor: No, seriously. Get a grip.
River: You’re not going to die here!
The Doctor: No, I mean it. River, Amy, get a grip.
River: Oh you genius.

Bob: Sir, the Angels need you to sacrifice yourself now.
The Doctor: Thing is, Bob. The Angels are draining all the power from this ship, every last bit of it. And you know what? I think they’ve forgotten where they’re standing. I think they’ve forgotten the gravity of the situation. Or to put it another way, Angels—
River to Amy: You hold on tight and don’t you let go for anything.
The Doctor: —Night night.

Amy: And the crack, is that gone too?
The Doctor: Yeah. For now. But the explosion that caused it is… still happening. Somewhere out there. Somewhere in time.

River: You. Me. Handcuffs. Must it always end this way?
The Doctor: What now?
River: The prison ship’s in orbit. They’ll beam me up any second. I might have done enough to earn a pardon this time. We’ll see.
The Doctor: Octavian said you killed a man.
River: Yes, I did.
The Doctor: A good man.
River: A very good man. The best man I’ve ever known.

The Doctor: Who?
River: Hm. It’s a long story, Doctor. Can’t be told. Has to be lived.

River: You’ll see me again quite soon. When the Pandorica opens.
The Doctor: The Pandorica. Ha! That’s a fairy tale.
River laughing. Ah, Doctor. Aren’t we all? I’ll see you there.
The Doctor: I look forward to it.
River: I remember it well.

The Doctor: Can I trust you, River Song?
River: If you like. But where’s the fun in that?

The Doctor: But you’re human. You’re Amy. You’re getting married in the morning. In the morning…
Amy: Doctor?
The Doctor: It’s you. It’s all about you. Everything. It’s about you.
Amy: Hold that thought.
The Doctor: Amy Pond. Mad, impossible Amy Pond. I don’t know why — I have no idea—but quite possibly the single most important thing in the history of the universe is that I get you sorted out right now.

Vampires of Venice

The Doctor: Rory! That’s a relief. Thought I’d burst out of the wrong cake. Again. That reminds me, there’s a girl standing outside in a bikini. Could somebody let her in and give her a jumper? Lucy. Lovely girl. {whispering} Diabetic. Now then. Rory. We need to talk about your fiancée. She tried to kiss me. Tell you what though, you’re a lucky man. She’s a great kisser. {silence} Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine.

The Doctor: The life out there, it dazzles. I mean, it blinds you to the things that are important. I’ve seen it devour relationships entirely. {the TARDIS sparks} It’s meant to do that. Because for one person to have seen all that, to have tasted the glory, and then go back. It will tear you apart. So! I’m sending you somewhere. Together.
Amy: What, like a date?
The Doctor: Anywhere you want. Any time you want. One condition: it has to be amazing. The Moulin Rouge in 1890. The first Olympic games. Think of it as a wedding present because frankly, it’s either this or tokens.

The Doctor: It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it? Tiny box, huge room inside. “What’s that about?” Let me explain—
Rory: It’s another dimension.
The Doctor: It’s basically another dimension— What?
Rory: After what happened with Prisoner Zero I’ve been reading up all on the latest scientific theories. FTL travel, parallel universes.
The Doctor: I like the bit when someone says “It’s bigger on the inside.” I always look forward to that.

The Doctor: Ah, you’re going to love Venice. So many people did. Byron, Napoleon, Cassanova. That reminds me. 1580. That’s alright. Cassanova doesn’t get born for 145 years. Don’t want to run into him. I owe him a chicken.
Rory: You owe Cassanova a chicken?
The Doctor: Long story. We had a bet.

The Doctor checking the mirror: Hello Handsome.
The Girls: Who are you?
The Doctor: How are you doing that?! I am loving it! You’re like Houdini, only five slutty, scary girls. And he was shorter—will be shorter. I’m rambling.
The Girls: I’ll ask you again, Signor. Who are you?
The Doctor: Why don’t you check THIS out. Library card. Of course. It’s with {mimes Rory’s nose}. He’s… I need a spare. Pale creepy girls who don’t like sunlight and can’t be seen. Am I thinking what I think I’m thinking? But the city, why shut down the city? Unless—

The Girls: Leave now Signor, or we shall call for the steward. If you’re lucky.
The Doctor: Tell me the whole plan! {silence} One day that’ll work. Listen, I would love to stay here. This whole— I’m thrilled. Oh, this is Christmas!

Guido: There is another option. I work at the arsenale. We build the warships for the Navy.
The Doctor: Gun powder. Most people just nip stationery from where they work. Look, I have a thing about guns and huge quantities of explosives.

Rory: This whole thing is mental! They’re vampires, for Gods sake.
The Doctor: No.
Amy: So if they’re not vampires…
The Doctor: It makes you wonder what could be so bad it doesn’t actually mind us thinking it’s a vampire.

Rory: I can’t see a thing. Just as well. I brought this then. {whips out a keychain flashlight.}
The Doctor pulls out a light wand: Ultraviolet. Portable sunlight.
Rory: Yours is bigger than mine.
The Doctor: Let’s not go there.

The Doctor: Long way from Saturnyne, aren’t you? Sister of the Water.
Rosanna: No, let me guess. The owner of the psychic paper. Then I take it you’re a refugee like me.
The Doctor: I’ll make you a deal. An answer for an answer.
You’re using a perception filter. It doesn’t change your features but manipulates the brain waves of the person looking at you. Seeing one of you for the first time in, say, a mirror, the brain doesn’t know what to fill the gap with so leaves it blank. Hence no reflection.
Rosanna: Your question?
The Doctor: Why can we see your big teeth?

Rosanna: My turn. Where are you from?
The Doctor: Gallifrey.
Rosanna: You should be in a museum. Or in a mausoleum.
The Doctor: Why are you here?
Rosanna: We ran from the Silence. Why are you here?
The Doctor: Wedding present. The Silence?
Rosanna: There were cracks. Some were tiny. Some were as big as the sky. Through some we saw worlds, and people. And through others we saw silence. And the end of all things. We fled to a nation like ours. And the crack snapped shut behind us. Saturnyne was lost.

The Doctor: So Earth is to become Saturnyne mark two.
Rosanna: And you can help me. We can build a new society here as others have. What d’you say?
The Doctor: Hm.
Where’s Isabella.
Rosanna: Isabella?
The Doctor: The girl who saved my friend.
Rosanna: Oh, deserters must be executed. Any general will tell you that. I need an answer, Doctor. A partnership. Any which way you chose.
The Doctor: I don’t think that’s such a good idea, do you? I’m a Time Lord. You’re a big fish. Think of the children.

The Doctor: This ends today. I will tear down the House of Calvierri stone by stone. Take your hands off me, Carlo. And you know why? You didn’t know Isabella’s name. You didn’t know Isabella’s name.

The Doctor: The people upstairs are very noisy.
Guido: There aren’t any people upstairs.
The Doctor: See I knew you were going to say that. Did anyone else know he was going to say that?
Rory: Is it the vampires?
The Doctor: That was certainly
not vampires. Fish from space.

The Doctor: Blimey. Fish from space have never been so… buxom.

The Doctor: The girls are gone, Rosanna.
Rosanna: You’re lying.
The Doctor: Shouldn’t I be dead. Hm? Rosanna, please, help me. There are two hundred thousand people in this city.
Rosanna: So save them.

The Doctor: Rory, listen to that,
Rory: Uh, what? All I can hear is… silence.

Amy’s Choice

The Doctor: You’ve swallowed a planet.
Amy: I’m pregnant.
The Doctor: You’re huge.
Amy: Yeah, I’m pregnant.
The Doctor: Look at you! When world’s collide.
Amy: Doctor, I’m pregnant.
The Doctor: Oh, look at you both! Five years later and you haven’t changed a bit. Apart from age and… size.
Amy: Oh it’s good to see you Doctor.
The Doctor: Are you pregnant?

The Doctor: Well I wanted to see how you were. You know me, I don’t just abandon people when they leave the TARDIS. This Time Lord’s for life. You don’t get rid of your old pal the Doctor so easily.
Amy: You came here by mistake, didn’t you.
The Doctor: Yeah. Bit of a mistake. But look, what a result. Look at this. Bench. What a nice bench. What will they think of next. So… what do you do around here to stave off the, you know, self-harm?
Amy: Boredom?
Rory: We relax. We live. We listen to the birds.
Amy: Yeah, see! Birds.

The Doctor: Are you okay? Oh thank god! I had a terrible nightmare about you two. That was scary. Don’t ask. You don’t want to know. Safe now. That’s what counts. Blimey. Never dropped off like that before. Well. Never really. I’m getting on a bit you see. Don’t let the cool gear fool you. Now. What’s wrong with the console. Red flashing lights. I bet they mean something.
Rory: Uh. Doctor, I also had a kind of… dream thing.
Amy: Yeah, so did I.
Rory: Not a nightmare though. Just, um, we were married.
Amy: Yeah. In a little village.
Rory: Yeah, sweet little village. And you were pregnant.
Amy: Yes, I was huge. I was a boat.
Rory: So you had the same dream then? Exactly the same dream?
Amy: Are you calling me a boat?
Rory: And Doctor you were visiting.
Amy: Yeah! Yeah, you came to our cottage.
Rory: How can we have had exactly the same dream. It doesn’t make any sense.
Amy: And you had a nightmare about us. What happened to us in the nightmare?
The Doctor: It was a bit similar in some aspects.
Rory: Which aspects?
The Doctor: Well, all of them.
Amy: You had the same dream.
The Doctor: Basically.
Rory: You said it was a nightmare.
The Doctor: Did I say nightmare? No. More of a really good… mare.

Rory: Doctor, what is going on?
Amy: Is this because of you? Is this some Time Lord-y thing because you’ve shown up again?
The Doctor: Listen to me. Trust nothing. From now on trust nothing you see, hear or feel.
Rory: But we’re awake now.
The Doctor: Yeah, you thought you were awake in the TARDIS too.
Amy: But we’re home.
The Doctor: Yeah you’re home, you’re also dreaming. Trouble is, Rory, Amy, which is which? Are we flashing forwards or… backwards. Hold on tight. This is going to be a tricky one.

The Doctor: Oh this is bad! I don’t like this! {kicks the console}. Never use force! You just embarrass yourself. Unless you’re cross. In which case, always use force!
Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?
The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.
Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?
The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Stop talking to me when I’m cross.

The Doctor: Look around you. Examine everything. Look for all the details that don’t ring true.
Rory: Okay, well we’re in a spaceship that’s bigger on the inside than the outside.
Amy: With a bowtie-wearing idiot.
Rory: So maybe
“what rings true” isn’t so simple.
The Doctor: Valid point.

The Doctor: It’s dead. We’re in a dead time machine.

The Doctor: You’re a doctor?
Rory: Yeah. And unlike you I’ve actually passed some exams.
The Doctor: You’re a doctor, not a nurse, just like you’ve always dreamed. How interesting.

The Doctor: You said everyone here lives to their 90s. That’s the one thing that doesn’t make sense. Let’s go poke it with a stick.

The Doctor: Someone—something—is overriding my controls!
Dream Lord: Well that took a while. Honestly, I’d heard such good things. Last of the Time Lords. The Oncoming Storm. Him in the bowtie.
The Doctor: How did you get into my TARDIS? What are you?
Dream Lord: What should we call me? Well. If you’re the Time Lord let’s call me the Dream Lord.
The Doctor: Nice look.
Dream Lord: This? Yeah, I’m not convinced. Bowties?

The Doctor: Now. We all know there’s an elephant in the room.
Amy: I have to be this size, I’m having a baby.
The Doctor: No. No. The hormones seem real, but no. Is anyone going to mention Rory’s ponytail. You hold him down, I’ll cut it off?
Rory: This from a man in a bowtie.
The Doctor: Bowties are cool.

Rory: Okay. I don’t like him.
Amy: Who is he?
The Doctor: Don’t know. It’s a big universe.
Amy: Why is he doing this?
The Doctor: Maybe because he has no physical form. That gets you down after awhile. So he’s taking it out on folk like us who can touch, eat, feel.

Amy: So this one must be the dream. There’s no such thing as a cold star. Stars burn.
The Doctor: So this one is just burning cold!
Rory: Is that possible?
The Doctor: I can’t know everything! Why does everybody expect me to always…
Rory: Okay, so this is something you haven’t seen before. So does that mean this is the dream?
The Doctor: I don’t know! But there it is. And I’d say we’ve got about fourteen minutes until we crash into it. But that’s not the problem.
Rory: Because you know how to get us out of this?
The Doctor: Because we’ll have frozen to death by then.

Amy: Doctor, what are you doing? What are those piles of dust?
The Doctor: Playtime’s definitely over.

The Doctor: Drop it! Drop all that. I know who you are.
Dream Lord: Of course you don’t.
The Doctor: Of course I do. I’ve no idea how you can be here, but there’s only one person in the Universe that hates me as much as you do.

Amy: Okay, which world do you think is real?
The Doctor: This world.
Rory: No! The other one!
The Doctor: Yeah, but are we disagreeing or competing?
Amy: Competing? Over what?

Amy: This is the dream. Definitely this one. If we die here we wake up, yeah?
The Doctor: Unless we just die.
Amy: Either way, this is my only chance of seeing him again. This is the dream.
The Doctor: How do you know?
Amy: Because if this is real I don’t want it. I don’t want it.

The Doctor: You’re very sure? This could be the real world.
Amy: It can’t. Rory isn’t here. I didn’t know. I honestly didn’t until right now. I just want him.
The Doctor: Okay.

Amy: Why are you doing that?
The Doctor: Me? I’m going to blow up the TARDIS.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: Notice how helpful the Dream Lord was. Okay, there was misinformation, red herrings, malice—and I could have done without the limerick—but he was always very keen to make us choose between dream and reality.

Amy: What are you doing?!
Rory: Doctor, the Dream Lord conceded. This isn’t a dream!
The Doctor: Yes it is! Star burning cold. Do me a favor! The Dream Lord has no power over the real world. He was offering us a choice between two dreams.
Amy: How do you know that?
The Doctor: Because I know who he is.

Rory: So that was the Dream Lord then. Those little specks.
The Doctor: No. No. No! Sorry, wasn’t it obvious? The Dream Lord was me. Psychic pollen. It’s a mind parasite. It feeds on everything dark in you. Gives it a voice, turns it against you. I’m nine-hundred-and-seven. Had a lot to go on.
Amy: But why didn’t it feed on us, too?
The Doctor: The darkness in you pair, it would have starved to death in an instant. I choose my friends with great care. Otherwise I’m stuck here with my own company and you know how that works now.
Amy: But those things he said about you. You don’t think any of that’s true?[/nextpage]
[nextpage title=”page 2″]

The Hungry Earth

Cwmtaff, South Wales 2020 AD

The Doctor: Behold, Rio!
Amy: Not really getting the Sunshine Carneval vibe.
The Doctor: No— Oo! What’s that? Ground feels strange. Just me. Wait. That’s weird.
Rory: What’s weird?
Amy: Doctor, stop trying to distract us. We’re in the wrong place. It’s freezing and I’m dressed for Rio, here. Not some— Doctor, are you listening to me? It’s a graveyard. You promised me a beach.
The Doctor: Bluegrass. Patches of it all around the graveyard. So. Earth. 2020-ish. Ten years in your future. Wrong continent for Rio, I’ll admit. But it’s not a massive overshoot.

Amy: Hey, let’s go talk to them. We could say hi to Future Us. How cool is that?
The Doctor: Uh, no. Best not. Really best not. These things get complicated very quickly and— Oh look. Big mining thing. I love a big mining thing. See? Way better than Rio. Rio doesn’t have a big mining thing.
Amy: We’re not going to have a look, are we?
The Doctor: Let’s go and have a look.

The Doctor: Restricted access. No unauthorized personnel.
Amy: That is breaking and entering!
The Doctor: What did I break? Sonic-ing and entering, totally different.

Amy: Oh please. Have you always been this disgusting?
The Doctor: No. That’s recent.

The Doctor: It knows we’re here. It’s attacking. The ground’s attacking us. Under the circumstances I’d suggest… Run!

Tony Mack: You’re not making any sense, man.
The Doctor: Excuse me, I’m making perfect sense. You’re just not keeping up.

The Doctor: So if you shut the drill down, why can I still hear drilling?

The Doctor: Why here though? Why’d you drill on this site?
Nasreen: We found patches of grass in this area containing trace minerals unseen in this country for twenty million years.
The Doctor: The blue grass. Oh Nasreen. Those trace minerals weren’t X marking the spot, saying “dig here”. They were a warning: “Stay away”. ‘Cause while you’ve been drilling down, somebody else has been drilling up.

The Doctor: That noise isn’t a drill. It’s a transport. Three of them. Thirty kilometers down. Major speed looks about 150 kilometers now. Should be here in… oo, quite soon. Twelve minutes. Whatever bioprogrammed the Earth is on its way up. Now.

The Doctor: Right guys, we need to be ready for whatever’s coming up. I need a map of the village marking where the cameras are going.
Elliot: I can’t do the words. I’m dyslexic.
The Doctor: Oh, that’s okay. I can’t make a decent meringue. Draw like your life depends on it, Elliot.

The Doctor: What are those?
Ambrose: Like you say, every little helps.
The Doctor: No. No weapons. It’s not the way I do things.
Ambrose: But you said we’re supposed to be defending ourselves.
The Doctor: Oh Ambrose. You’re better than this. I’m asking nicely. Put them away.

The Doctor: Dyslexia never stopped Da Vinci or Einstein. It’s not stopping you.

The Doctor: Lovely place to grow up ’round here.
Elliot: I suppose.
I want to live in the city one day. As soon as I’m old enough I’ll be off.
The Doctor: I was the same way where I grew up.
Elliot: Did you get away?
The Doctor: Yeah…
Elliot: Do you ever miss it?
The Doctor: So much.
Elliot: Is it monsters coming? Have you met monsters before?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Elliot: Are you scared of them?
The Doctor: No. They’re scared of me.
Elliot: Can you really get my dad back?
The Doctor: No question.

The Doctor: to Rory: Anytime you want to help!
Rory: Can’t you sonic it?
The Doctor: It doesn’t do wood.
Rory: That is rubbish.
The Doctor: Oy! Don’t diss the sonic!

The Doctor: Cold blood. sing-song I know who they are.

Rory: We got it!
The Doctor: Defending the planet with Meals on Wheels.

Rory: What was that?
The Doctor: Sounds like they’re leaving.
Rory: Without this one? Looks like we scared them off.
The Doctor: I don’t think so. Now both sides have hostages.

The Doctor: So I think I’ve met these creatures before. Different branch of the species, mind, but all the same. Let’s see if our friend’s thawed out.
Rory: Are you sure? By yourself?
The Doctor: Very sure.
Rory: But the sting.
The Doctor: Venom gland takes at least twenty-four hours to recharge. to the creature Am I right? I know what I’m doing. I’ll be fine.

The Doctor: I’m the Doctor. I’ve come to talk. I’m going to remove your mask.

The Doctor: You’re beautiful. A remnant of a bygone age on Planet Earth. And by the way, lovely mode of travel. Geothermal currents projecting you up through a network of tunnels. Gorgeous! Mind if I sit? Now! Your people have a friend. I want her back. Why did you come to the surface? What do you want? Oh I do hate a monologue, give us a bit back. How many are you?
Alaya: I’m the last of my species.
The Doctor: Really? No! “Last of the species.” The Clempari defense. As an interrogation defense it’s a bit old hat I’m afraid.
Alaya: I’m the last of my species.
The Doctor: No, you’re really not. Because I’m the last of my species and I know how it sits in a heart. So don’t insult me! Let’s start again. Tell me your name.
Alaya: Alaya.
The Doctor: How long’s your tribe been sleeping under the Earth, Alaya? It’s not difficult to work out. You’re 300 million years out of your comfort zone. Question is, what woke you now.
Alaya: We were attacked.
The Doctor: The drill.
Alaya: Our sensors detected a threat to our life support systems. The warrior class was activated to prevent the assault, wipe the vermin from the surface and reclaim our planet.
The Doctor: Do we have to say “vermin”? They’re really very nice.
Alaya: Primitive apes.
The Doctor: Extraordinary species; you attack them, they’ll fight back. But! There’s a peace to be brokered here. I can help you with that.
Alaya: This land is ours. We lived here long before the apes.
The Doctor: Doesn’t give you automatic rights to it now, I’m afraid. Humans won’t give up the planet.
Alaya: So we destroy them.
The Doctor: You underestimate them.
Alaya: You underestimate us!
The Doctor: One tribe of homo reptilia against six billion humans—you’ve got your work cut out.
Alaya: We did not initiate combat! But we can still win.
The Doctor: Tell me where my friend is. Give us back the people who were taken.
Alaya: No.
The Doctor: I’m not going to let you provoke a war, Alaya. They’ll be no battle here today.
Alaya: The fire of war is already lit. A massacre is due.
The Doctor: Not while I’m here.
Alaya: I’ll gladly die for my cause! What will you sacrifice for yours?

Rory: You’re going to what?
The Doctor: I’m going to go down below the surface, to find the rest of the tribe to talk to them.
You’re going to negotiate with these aliens?
The Doctor: They’re not aliens! They’re Earth… -liens. What’s known as the Silurian race or, some would argue, Eocenes. Or homo reptilia. Not monsters. Not evil. Well, only as evil as you are. The previous owners of the planet, that’s all.

The Doctor: Look, from their point of view you’re the invaders. Your drill was threatening their settlement.

Alaya: I know which one of you will kill me. Do you?

Nasreen: How far down are we?
The Doctor: We’re not more than 24 kilometers.
Nasreen: So why aren’t we burning alive?
The Doctor: Don’t know. Interesting, isn’t it?
Nasreen: It’s like this is every day to you.
The Doctor: Not every day. Every other day.

The Doctor: We’re looking for a small tribal settlement. Probably housing around… a dozen homoreptilia. Maybe less!
Nasreen: One small tribe.
The Doctor: Yeah.
Nasreen: Maybe a dozen.
The Doctor: Ah. Maybe more than a dozen. Maybe more like an entire civilization living beneath the earth.

Cold Blood

Nasreen: You’re sure this is the best way to enter?
The Doctor: Front door approach. Definitely. Always the best way.
Overhead: Hostile lifeforms detected. Area 17.
The Doctor: Apart from the back door approach. That’s also good. Sometimes better.

The Doctor: Not got any celery do you? No. No, not really the climate. Tomatoes though. You’d do a roaring trade in those. I’m the Doctor. Oh, and there’s Nasreen.
Nasreen: Oh, green man.
The Doctor: Hello. Who are you?
Restac: Restac. Military command.
The Doctor: Oh do you really? There’s always a military, isn’t there.
Malohkeh: Your weapon was attacking the oxygen pockets above our city.
The Doctor: Oxygen pockets, lovely. Oo. But not so good with an impending drill. Now it makes sense.

The Doctor: Oo! Lovely place. Very gleaming.
Restac: This is our court. And our place of execution.

Amy: Let them go.
The Doctor: Amy! Oh, there’s a girl to rely on.

The Doctor: Hello!
Rory: Where’s Amy?
The Doctor: She’s fine. Look.
Rory: Oh thank god.
Amy: Just keeping you on your toes.
The Doctor: No time to chat. Listen, you need to get down here. Go to the drill storeroom. There’s a large patch of earth in the middle of the floor. The Silurians are going to send up transport disks to bring you back down using geothermal energy and gravity bubble technology. It’s how they travel and frankly it’s pretty cool. Bring Alaya, we hand her over, we can land this after all, all gonna work. Promise. Gotta dash. Hurry up!

The Doctor: Amy Pond and Nasreen Chaudhry, speaking for the planet. Humanity couldn’t have better ambassadors. C’mon! Who has more fun than us?
Amy: Is this what happens, in the future, the planet gets shared? Is that what we need to do?
Nasreen: Uh, what are you talking about?
The Doctor: Oh, Nasreen, sorry. Probably worth mentioning at this stage, Amy and I travel in time a bit.
Nasreen: Anything else?
The Doctor: There are fixed points through time where things must always stay the way they are. This is not one of them. This is an opportunity. A temporal tipping point. Whatever happens today will change future events—create its own timeline, its own reality. The future pivots around you. Here. Now. So do good. For humanity. And for Earth.

The Doctor: Okay. Bringing things to order. The first meeting of representatives of the human race and homoreptilia is now in session. Ha! Never said that before. That’s fab.

The Doctor: Malohkeh, I rather love you.

Rory: We’re surrounded in here!
The Doctor: So. Question is, how do we stop the drill given that we can’t get there on time? Plus. Also. How do we get out given that we’re surrounded?

The Doctor: Are you sure about this?
Eldane: My priority is my race’s survival. The Earth isn’t ready for us to return yet.
The Doctor: No. But maybe it should be.

Rory: There’s not much time for us to get from here to the surface, Doctor.
The Doctor: Ha ha! Super squeaky bump time! Get ready to run for your lives.

The Doctor: Not here, not now. It’s getting wider.
Amy: The crack on my bedroom wall.
The Doctor: And the Byzantium. All through the universe, rips in the continuum. Some sort of space-time cataclysm. An explosion maybe. Big enough to put cracks in the universe. But… what? The angels laughed when I didn’t know, Prisoner Zero knew—everybody knows except me!

The Doctor: But where there’s an explosion, there’s shrapnel!
Amy: Doctor, you can’t put your hand in there.
The Doctor: Why not?

The Doctor: If the time-energy catches up with you you’ll never have been born. It’ll erase every moment of your existence. You will never have lived at all.

Amy: That light. If his body’s absorbed I’ll forget him. He’ll never have existed. You can’t let that happen. What are you doing? Doctor, no! No no! Doctor, we can’t just leave him!
The Doctor: Keep him in your mind. Keep him in your mind. Don’t forget him. If you forget him you’ll lose him forever.
Amy: Then why on the Byzantium, I still remember the clerics because I am a time traveler. Now you said—
The Doctor: They weren’t part of your world. This is different. This is your own history changing.
Amy: Tell me it’s going to be okay. Make it okay.
The Doctor: It’s going to be hard but you can do it. Tell me about Rory, huh. Fantastic Rory. Funny Rory. Gorgeous Rory. Amy, listen to me: do exactly as I say. Amy please, keep concentrating you can do this.
Amy: I can’t.
The Doctor: You can. You can do it. I can’t help you unless you do. We can still save his memory.

Vincent and the Doctor

Musée d’Orsay

Amy: Thanks for bringing me.
The Doctor: You’re welcome.
Amy: You’re being so nice to me. Why are you being so nice to me?
The Doctor: I’m always nice to you.
Amy: Not like this. All these places you’re taking me—Arcadia, the Trojan Gardens, now this— I think it’s suspicious.
The Doctor: What? It’s not. There’s nothing
to be suspicious about.
Amy: Okay. I was joking. Why aren’t you?

Amy: Look! There it is. The actual one.
The Doctor: Yes. You can almost feel his hand painting it right in front of you. Carving the colors into shapes. Wait a minute.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: What. Just. Look at that.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: Something very not good indeed.
Amy: What very not good—
The Doctor: Look. There! In the window of the church.
Amy: Is that a face?
The Doctor: Yes. And not a nice face at all. I know evil when I see it and I see it in that window.

The Doctor: Excuse me, if I could just interrupt for one second. Sorry everyone. Um. Routine inspection. Ministry of Art and… Artiness. So. Um…
Dr. Black (Bill Nighy): Dr. Black.
The Doctor: Yes. That’s right. Do you actually know when that picture of the church was painted?
Dr. Black: Ah! Well. Ah! What an interesting question. Most people
imagine—
The Doctor: You’re going to have to hurry. When was it?
Dr. Black: Exactly?
The Doctor: As exactly as you can without a long speech if possible, I’m in a hurry.
Dr. Black: Well in that case probably somewhere between the first and third of June.
The Doctor: What year?
Dr. Black: 1890. Less than a year before… before he killed himself.
The Doctor: Thank you, sir. Very helpful indeed.

The Doctor: Nice bow tie. Bow ties are cool.
Dr. Black: Yours is very….
The Doctor: Thank you. Keep telling them stuff.

The Doctor: Art can wait. This is life and death. We need to talk to Vincent Van Gogh.

The Doctor: Do you know Vincent Van Gogh?
Waitress: Unfortunately.
Amy: Unfortunately?
Waitress: He’s drunk. He’s mad. And he never pays his bills.
The Doctor: Good painter though, eh?

The Doctor: I’ll pay if you like.
Vincent van Gogh: What?
The Doctor: Well if you like I’ll pay for the drink. Or I’ll pay for the painting and you can use the money to pay for the drink.
Vincent van Gogh: Exactly who are you?
The Doctor: Oh I’m… new in town.

The Doctor: So, um, Vincent. Painted any churches recently or any church-y plans? Are churches, chapels, religious-y stuff like that, something you’d like to get into, you know, fairly soon?
Van Gogh: Well there is one church I’m thinking of painting when the weather is right.
The Doctor: That. Is very good news.
Old Woman: Murder! Help me!
The Doctor: That, on the other hand, isn’t quite such good news. C’mon Amy! Vincent!

The Doctor: You all right?
Van Gogh: Yes. I’m used to it.
The Doctor: Has anything like this murder happened here before?
Van Gogh: Only a week ago. It’s a terrible time.
The Doctor: As I thought. As I thought. Come on, we better get you home.
Van Gogh: Where are you staying tonight?
The Doctor: Oh! You’re very kind.

The Doctor: Dark night. Very starry.

Van Gogh: What is it with you and the church?
The Doctor: Oh, just casually interested in it. You know.
Van Gogh: It’s far from casual. Seems to me you never talk about anything else. {to Amy} He’s a strange one.
The Doctor: Okay, so let’s talk about you then. What are you interested in?
Van Gogh: Well look around. Art. You know, it seems to me there’s so much more to the world than the average eye’s allowed to see. I believe, if you look hard, there are more wonders in this universe than you could ever have dreamed of.
The Doctor: You don’t have to tell me.

The Doctor: Right. You in here somewhere? I can’t apologize enough. I thought you were just a useless gadget. I thought you were just an embarrassing present from a dull godmother with two heads and bad breath. Twice. How wrong can a man be!

The Doctor: This is the problem with Impressionists. Not accurate enough. This would never happen with Gainsborough or one of those proper painters. Sorry Vincent.

The Doctor: Dotted all around the universe are individual, utterly merciless—utterly abandoned—Krafayis. And what they do is… well, kill. Until they’re killed. Which they usually are because other creatures can’t see them.
Van Gogh: But I can.
The Doctor: Yes. And that is why we are in a unique position today, my friend. To end this reign of terror. So, feeling like painting the church today?
Van Gogh: But what about the monster?
The Doctor: Take my word for it. If you paint it, he will come.

The Doctor: This is risky.
Amy: Riskier than normal?
The Doctor: Well think about it. This is the middle of Van Gogh’s greatest year of painting. If we’re not careful, the net result of our pleasant little trip will be the brutal murder of the greatest artist who ever lived. Half the pictures on the wall of the Musée d’Orsay *snaps fingers* will disappear. And it will be our fault.

Amy: What’s happening?
The Doctor: We’re leaving. Everyone knows he’s a delicate man. Just months from now he’ll… he’ll take his own life.
Amy: Don’t say that. Please.

Van Gogh: And how are we meant to do that?
The Doctor: The answer’s in this box. I had an excellent—if smelly—godmother.

Amy: You do have a plan. Don’t you?
The Doctor: No. It’s a thing, it’s like a plan but there’s more greyness.

The Doctor: I remember watching Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel. Wow. What a whinger. I kept saying to him, “Look, if you’re scared of heights, you shouldn’t have taken the job, mate.” And Picasso, what a ghastly old goat. I kept telling him, “Concentrate, Pablo. It’s one eye. Eye the side of the face.”
Amy: Quiet!

The Doctor: Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly. In the right order. There’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an unpunctual alien attack!
Amy: Are you okay? You seem a little bit… well, if I didn’t know you better, I’d say nervous.
The Doctor: Yes. There’s something not quite right and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

The Doctor: I’m going in!
Van Gogh: I’m coming too.
The Doctor: No! You’re Vincent Van Gogh. No.
Van Gogh: But you’re not armed!
The Doctor: I am.
Van Gogh: What with?
The Doctor: Overconfidence, this {pats bag} and a small screwdriver. I’m absolutely sorted.

The Doctor: Okay, here’s the plan. Amy, Rory—
Amy: Who?
The Doctor: Sorry! Um… Vincent.
Amy: What? What is the plan?
The Doctor: I don’t know actually. My only definite plan is that in the future I’m definitely just using this screwdriver for screwing in screws.

The Doctor: I also don’t belong on this planet. I also am alone. If you trust me I’m sure we can come to some kind of, you know, understanding. And then— and then, who knows.

The Doctor: Sometimes winning, winning is no fun at all.

The Doctor: I’ve seen many things, my friend. But you’re right. Nothing’s quite as wonderful as the things you see.

Amy: Time can be rewritten! I know it can. Come on! Oh, the long life of Vincent Van Gogh. There’ll be hundreds of new paintings.
The Doctor: I’m not sure there will.

Amy: So you were right. No new paintings. We didn’t make a difference at all.
The Doctor: I wouldn’t say that. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and… bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things.

The Doctor: And… if you look carefully, maybe we did indeed make a couple of little changes.
Amy: No Krafayis.
The Doctor: No Krafayis.

Amy: If we had got married our kids would have had very very red hair.
The Doctor: The ultimate ginger.
Amy: The ultimate ging. Brighter than sunflowers.

The Lodger

The Doctor: No, Amy. It’s definitely not the fifth moon of Cinda Calista. I think I can see a Ryman’s.

Craig getting up the nerve and opening the door: I love you.
The Doctor: Well that’s good, ’cause I’m your new lodger. D’you know, this is going to be easier than I expected.

Craig: But I only put the advert up today. I didn’t put my address.
The Doctor: Well aren’t you lucky I came along. More lucky than you know. Less of a young professional. More of an ancient amateur. But frankly I’m an absolute dream.
Craig: I don’t know if I want you to stay, I mean give me back those keys. You can’t have those.
The Doctor: Yes, quite right. Have some rent. That’s probably quite a lot isn’t it? Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell.

The Doctor: Don’t spend it all on sweets unless you like sweets—I like sweets. Oh! That’s how they greet each other nowadays isn’t it? I’m the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don’t know why. I call me the Doctor too. Still don’t know why.

The Doctor: Ah. I suppose that. Dry rot?
Craig: Or damp or mildew.
The Doctor: Or none of the above.
Craig: I’ll get someone to fix it.
The Doctor: No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the “Rotmeister”. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister.

The Doctor: This is the most beautiful parlor I’ve ever seen. You’re obviously a man of impeccable taste. I can stay Craig, can’t I? Say I can.
Craig: You haven’t even seen the room.
The Doctor: The room?
Craig: Your room.
The Doctor: My room. Oh yes! My room! My room. Take me to my room.

The Doctor: No time to lose. I’ll take it. Ah! You want to see my credentials. {shows him the psychic paper} There. National Insurance number. {flips the psychic paper behind his back} NHS number. {and again} References.
Craig: Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?
The Doctor: I’m his special favorite. Sh.

Craig: Why am I telling you this? I don’t even know you.
The Doctor: Well I’ve got one of those faces. People never stop blurting out their plans when I’m around.
Craig: Right. Where’s your stuff?
The Doctor: Don’t worry. It’ll materialize. If all goes to plan.

Craig: That was incredible. That was absolutely brilliant. Where did you learn to cook?
The Doctor: Paris. In the eighteenth century. No, hang on. That’s not recent is it? Seventeenth? No no, twentieth. Sorry, I’m not used to doing them in the right order.
Craig: Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit weird?
The Doctor: They never really stop.

The Doctor: Ever been to Paris, Craig?
Craig: Nah. I can’t see the point of Paris. I’m not much of a traveler.
The Doctor: I can tell from your sofa.
Craig: My sofa?
The Doctor: You’re starting to look like it.

The Doctor: Those keys.
Craig: What?
The Doctor: You’re sort of… fondling them.
Craig: I’m holding them! Anyway. {grabs another set} These, these are your keys.
The Doctor: I can stay?
Craig: Yeah, you’re weird and you can cook. It’s good enough for me.

Craig: And listen, Mark and I, we had an arrangement. Where if you ever need me out of your hair just give me a shout. Okay? {he winks knowingly}
The Doctor winking back: … Why would I want that?
Craig: Well in case you want to bring someone ’round, or girlfriend or {looks at his outfit} boyfriend.
The Doctor: Oh I will. I’ll shout. Yes. Something like, “I was not expecting this!”. By the way, that—the rot—I’ve got the strangest feeling we shouldn’t touch it.

The Doctor: Earth to Pond, Earth to Pond. Come in Pond.
Amy: Doctor! Sorry.
The Doctor: Could you not wreck my new earpiece, Pond?

The Doctor: Now all I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong.
Amy: Have you seen you?
The Doctor: So you’re just going to be snide. No helpful hints.
Amy: Hm. Well, here’s one. “Bow tie: get rid”.
The Doctor: Bow ties are cool.

The Doctor: Come on, Amy. I’m a normal bloke. Tell me what normal blokes do.
Amy: They… watch telly, they play football. They go down to the pub.
The Doctor: I could do those things. I don’t, but I could.

The Doctor: Interesting. Localized time loop.
Amy: What’s that?
The Doctor: Time distortion. whatever’s happening upstairs in still affecting you.

Craig: Doctor. How long are you going to be in there?
The Doctor: Oh, sorry! I like a good soap.

Craig: We’ve got a match today, Pub league. We’re one down if you fancy it.
The Doctor: Pub league. A drinking competition?
Craig: No. Football. Play football.
The Doctor: Football? Football! Yes! Blokes play football. I’m good at football I think.

The Doctor: You’ve got two sets of keys to someone else’s house?
Sophie: Yeah.
The Doctor: I see. You must like it here too.

The Doctor: So I’m going out. If I hang about the house all the time the people upstairs might get suspicious. Notice me.
Amy: Football. Oh good, well done. That is normal.
The Doctor: Yeah. Football. All outdoorsy. Now. Football’s the one with the sticks, isn’t it?

Sean: So where are you strongest?
The Doctor: Arms.
Craig: No, he means what position on the field.
The Doctor: Not sure. The front? Side? Below.
Sean: You any good though?
The Doctor: Let’s find out.

The Doctor about a screwdriver: Where’s the on switch for this?

Sophie: ’Cause life can seem pointless. You know, Doctor? Work, weekend. Work, weekend. And there’s six billion people on the planet pretty much doing the same.
The Doctor: Six billion people. Watching you two work, I’m starting to wonder where they all come from.
Sophie: What? What do you mean by that?

The Doctor: It’s a big old world, Sophie. Work out what’s really keeping you here, eh?

The Doctor: I told you not to touch it! “Look, what’s that? Oh, it’s an unfamiliar and pretty obviously poisonous substance. Oh I know what will be really clever. I’ll stick my hand in it.”

The Doctor: Hello Craig! How’re you feeling? Had some time to kill. I was curious. Never worked in an office. Never worked in anywhere.
Craig: You’re insane!
Boss: Leave off the Doctor— I love the Doctor. He was brilliant in the planning meeting.
Craig: You went to the planning meeting?
The Doctor: Yes. I was your representative. We don’t need Mr. Lange anymore. Rude Mr. Lange.

The Doctor: Hello Mr. Jorgensen. Can you hold? I have to eat a biscuit.

Craig: I can’t take this anymore. I want you to go. {hands him the cash} You can have this back in whole.
The Doctor: What have I done?
Craig: For a start, talking to a cat.
The Doctor: Lots of people talk to cats.
Craig: And everybody loves you and you’re better at football than me and my job. And now Sophie’s all “Oh! Monkeys! Monkeys!”. And then, there’s that!
The Doctor: It’s art. A statement on modern society.
“Oo! Ain’t modern society awful?”
Craig: Me and you, it’s not going to work out. You’ve only been here three days, they’ve been the weirdest three days of my life.
The Doctor: Your days would get a lot weirder if I go.
Craig: I thought it was good weird. It’s not. It’s bad weird. I can’t do this anymore!
The Doctor: Craig, I can’t leave this place. I’m like you. I can’t see the point of anywhere else. Madrid? Ha! What a dump! I have to stay.
Craig: No you don’t. You have to leave.
The Doctor: I can’t go.
Craig: Just get out!
The Doctor: Right. Only way I’m going to show you something but Shh! really shh! Oh! I’m going to regret this. Okay, right. First: general background. {he head butts him}.
Craig: You’re a—
The Doctor: Yes.
Craig: From—
The Doctor: Sh!
Craig: You’ve got a TAR—
The Doctor: Shh! Eleventh. Right, okay. Specific detail. {head butts him again}
Craig: You saw my ad in the papershop window.
The Doctor: Yes. With this right above it. Which is odd because Amy hasn’t written it yet. Time travel—it can happen.
Craig: That’s a scanner. You’ve used non-technological technology of [Lammasteen].
The Doctor: Shut up!!!

The Doctor: I’ve worked it out with psychic help from the cat.
Amy: Cat?
The Doctor: Yes. I know. He’s got a time engine in the flat upstairs. He’s using innocent people to try and launch it. Whenever he does, they get burnt up. Hence the stain on the ceiling.

Amy: Doctor! Stop!
The Doctor: Wait wait. Amy?
Amy: Are you upstairs?
The Doctor: Just going in.
Amy: No, but you can’t be upstairs.
The Doctor: Of course I can be upstairs.
Amy: Nope. I’ve got the plans. You can not be upstairs, it’s a one-story building. There is no upstairs.

Hologram: You will help me.
The Doctor: Right. Stop. Crashed ship. Let’s see. Hello! I’m Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue. Please state the nature of your emergency.
Hologram: The ship has crashed. The crew are dead. A pilot is required.
The Doctor: And you’re the emergency crash program. A hologram. What, you’ve been luring people up here so you can try them out?

Sophie: Seriously, what is going on?
The Doctor: Oh, for goodness sake. The top floor of Craig’s building is in reality an alien spaceship intent on slaughtering the population of this planet. Any questions. No. Good.
Sophie: Yes, I have questions!
Hologram: The correct pilot has now been found.
The Doctor: Yes, I was a bit worried you were going to say that.
Amy: He means you Doctor, doesn’t he?

The Doctor: It doesn’t want everyone. Craig, it didn’t want you.
Craig: I spoke to him. He said I couldn’t help him.
The Doctor: It didn’t want Sophie before today but now it does. Why? What’s changed? No, I gave her the idea of leaving. It’s the machine that needs to leave. It wants people who want to escape. But you don’t want to leave, Craig. You’re Mr. Sofa Man. Craig, you can shut down the engine. Put your hand on the panel and concentrate on why you want to stay.
Sophie: Craig, no!
Craig: Will it work?
The Doctor: Yes!
Craig: Are you sure?
The Doctor: Yes!
Craig: Is that a lie?
The Doctor: Of course it’s a lie!
Craig: It’s good enough for me. Geronimo!

Craig: Oy!
Sophie: What? You’re trying to sneak off?
The Doctor: Yes. Well. You were sort of… busy.
Craig handing him the keys: I want you to keep these.
The Doctor: Thank you. ‘Cause I might pop back soon, have another little stay.
Craig: No you won’t. I’ve been in your head, remember? I still want you to keep them.
The Doctor: Thank you, Craig.
Craig: Thank you, Doctor.
The Doctor: Sophie. Now then. Six billion, four hundred thousand and twenty-six people in the world. That’s the number to beat.

The Pandorica Opens

The Doctor: I can’t believe I never thought of this before. It’s genius! Right. Landed. C’mon.
Amy: Where are we?
The Doctor: Planet Morg. The oldest planet in the universe. And there’s a cliff of pure diamond and according to legend on the cliff there’s writing, letters fifty feet high. A message from the dawn of time. And no one knows what it says ’cause no one’s ever translated it. Until today.
Amy: What happens today?
The Doctor: Us.

Amy: Right place?
The Doctor: Just followed the coordinates on the cliff face. Earth. One or two AM. taps watch. No, PM. No. A.D.

The Doctor: You graffitied the oldest cliff face in the Universe!
River: You wouldn’t answer your phone!

Amy: The Pandorica. What is it?
River: A box. A cage. A prison. It was built to contain the most feared thing in the whole Universe.
The Doctor: And it’s a fairy tale—a legend. It can’t be real!
River: If it is real it’s here and it’s opening. And it’s got something to do with your TARDIS exploding. Hidden obviously. Buried for centuries. You won’t find it on a map.
The Doctor: No, but if you bury the most dangerous thing in the Universe you’d want to remember where you put it.

The Doctor: If the Pandorica is here, it contains the mightiest warrior in history. Now half the galaxy would want a piece of that. Maybe even fight over it. We need to get down there.

The Doctor: There was a goblin, or a trickster. Or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing. Soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it or… reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.
Amy: How did it end up in there?
The Doctor: You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.
River: I hate good wizards in fairy tales. They always turn out to be him.

Amy: So it’s kind of like Pandora’s Box then. Almost the same name.
The Doctor: Sorry, what?
Amy: The story. Pandora’s Box. With all the worst things in the world in it. That was my favorite book when I was a kid. The Doctor is interested What’s wrong?
The Doctor: Your favorite school topic, your favorite story. Never ignore a coincidence. Unless you’re busy. In which case always ignore a coincidence.

The Doctor: Think of the fear that went into making this box. What could inspire that level of fear? Hello, you. Have we met?
Amy: So why would it start to open now?
The Doctor: No idea.

The Doctor: The stones. These stones are great big transmitters broadcasting a warning to everyone. Everywhere. To every time zone. “The Pandorica is opening.”
River: Doctor, everyone everywhere?
The Doctor: Even poor Vincent heard it in his dreams. But what’s in there? What could justify all this?
River: Doctor, everyone?
The Doctor: Anything that powerful I’d know about it. Why don’t I know?
River: Doctor. You said everyone could hear it. So who else is coming?

The Doctor: Yes, okay. Okay. Okay. Dalek fleet, minimum twelve thousand battleships armed to the teeth. Ah! But we’ve got surprise on our side. They’ll never expect three people to attack twelve thousand Dalek battleships ’cause we’d be killed instantly so it would be a fairly short surprise. Forget surprise.

The Doctor: Well, we need to start a fire fight. Turn them on each other. I mean that’s easy. It’s the Daleks. They’re so cross.
River: Sontaran. Four battle fleets.
The Doctor: Sontarans. Talk about cross. Who stole all their handbags?

Amy: What do we do?
River: Doctor, listen to me. Everything that ever hated you is coming here
tonight. You can’t win this. You can’t even fight this. Doctor, this once—just this one time, please, you have to run.
The Doctor: Run where?
River: Fight how?
The Doctor: The greatest military machine in the history of the Universe.
Amy: What is? The Daleks?
The Doctor: No. No no no no. The Romans.

Amy: So what’s this got to do with the TARDIS?
The Doctor: Nothing. As far as I know.
Amy: But Vincent’s painting. The TARDIS was exploding. Is that going to happen?
The Doctor: One problem at a time.

The Doctor: There’s forcefield technology inside this box. If I can enhance the signal it I could extend it all over Stonehenge. Could buy us half an hour.
Amy: What good is half an hour?
The Doctor: There are fruit flies that live on Hoppledom Six. They live for twenty minutes and they don’t even mate for life. There’s going to be a point to that. I’ll get back to you.

The Doctor: People fall out of the world sometimes but they always leave traces. Little things we can’t quite account for. Faces in photographs. Luggage. Half-eaten meals. Rings. Nothing is ever forgotten, not completely. And if something can be remembered it can come back.

The Doctor: Remember that night you flew away with me?
Amy: Of course I do.
The Doctor: And you asked me why I was taking you and I told you there was no reason. I was lying.
Amy: What, so you did have a reason?
The Doctor: Your house.
Amy: My house.
The Doctor: It was too big. Too many empty rooms. Does it ever bother you, Amy, that your life doesn’t make any sense?

The Doctor: You know how sometimes I have really brilliant ideas?
Amy: Yeah.
The Doctor: Sorry. jumps into the line of fire “Look at me! I’m a target!”

The Doctor: Amy! Where’s Amy?
Rory: She’s fine, Doctor. Just unconscious.
The Doctor: Okay. Yes. She’s sedated, that’s all. Half an hour and she’ll be fine. Okay, Romans. Good! I was just wishing for Romans. Good old River. How many?
Rory: Fifty men up top, volunteers. What about that thing?
The Doctor: Fifty? You’re not exactly a Legion.
Rory: Your friend was very persuasive but, ah, it’s a tough sell.
The Doctor: Yes, I know that, Rory. I’m not exactly one to miss the obvious but we need everything we can get. Okay, Cyber weapons! This is basically a sentry box. So headless wonder here was a sentry. Probably got himself duffed up by the locals. Never underestimate a Celt.
Rory: Doctor—
The Doctor: Hush, Rory. Thinking. Why leave a Cyberman on guard unless it’s a Cyberthing in the box but why would they lock up one of their own? Okay, no, not a Cyberthing. But what? What? Oh! Missing something obvious, Rory. Something big. Something right slap in front of me. I can feel it.
Rory: Yeah. I think you probably are.
The Doctor: I’ll get it in a minute.

The Doctor: Hello again.
Rory: Hello.
The Doctor: How’ve you been?
Rory: Good, yeah. Good. I mean, Roman.
The Doctor: Rory, I’m not trying to be rude. But you died.
Rory: Yeah.
I know. I was there.

The Doctor: You died and then you were erased from time. You didn’t just die. You were never born at all. You never existed.
Rory: Erased. What does that mean?
The Doctor: How can you be here?

What is it? What’s happening?
The Doctor: The final phase. It’s opening.

River: You’re surrounded. Have you got a plan?
The Doctor: Yes, now hurry up and get the TARDIS here. I need equipment!

The Doctor: Hello Stonehenge! Who takes the Pandorica takes the Universe. But bad news everyone. ‘Cause guess who! Hah! Listen, you lot, you’re all whizzing about. It’s really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because I. AM. TALKING! Now, the question of the hour is, who’s got the Pandorica. Answer: I do. Next question: Who’s coming to take it from me? Come on! Look at me! No plan, no back-up, no weapons worth a damn, oh, and something else. I don’t have anything to lose. So if you’re sitting up there in your silly little spaceship with all your silly little guns and you’ve got any plans on taking the Pandorica tonight, just remember who’s standing in your way! Remember! Every black day I ever stopped you! And then! And then! Do the smart thing! Let somebody else try first.

The Doctor: That’ll keep them squabbling for half an hour. Romans.

The Doctor: Just your basic knock out drops. Get some fresh air, you’ll be fine.
Amy: Is it safe up there?
The Doctor: Not remotely. But it’s fresh.

Rory: She doesn’t remember me. How could she not remember me?
The Doctor: Because you never existed.

Rory: I don’t understand. Why am I here?
The Doctor: Because you are. The Universe is big. It’s vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes—very rarely—impossible things just happen and we call them miracles. And that’s the theory. 900 years, never seen one yet. But this would do me. Now get upstairs. She’s Amy and she’s surrounded by Romans. I’m not sure history could take it.

River: They’re not real. They can’t be. They’re all right here in the storybook. Those actual Romans. The ones I sent you. The ones you’re with right now. They’re all in a book in Amy’s house. A children’s picturebook.
The Doctor: What are you even doing there?
River: It doesn’t matter—the TARDIS went wrong. Doctor, how is this possible?
The Doctor: Something’s using her memories, Amy’s memories.
River: But how?
The Doctor: You said something had been there.
River: Yes. There’s burn marks on the grass outside. Landing patterns.
The Doctor: If they’ve been through her house they could have used the psychic residue. Structures can hold memories. That’s why houses have ghosts. They could have taken a snapshot of Amy’s memories. But why?

River: Doctor, who are those Romans?
The Doctor: Projections. Or… duplicates.
River: But they were helping us. My lipstick even worked.
The Doctor: They might think they’re real. The perfect disguise. They actually believe their own cover story. Right until they’re activated.
River: Doctor, that centurion.

River: I don’t know. It’s the engines. Doctor, there’s something wrong with the TARDIS. Like something else is controlling it.
The Doctor: You’re flying it wrong.
River: I’m flying it perfectly. You taught me.
The Doctor: Where are you. What’s the date reading?
River: It’s the 26th of June, 2010.
The Doctor: You need to get out of there now. Any other time zone, just go.
River: I can’t break free.
The Doctor: Well then shut down the TARDIS. Shut down everything!
River: I can’t!
Overhead: Silence will fall! Silence will fall!

Sontaran: The Pandorica is ready!
The Doctor: Ready for what?
Dalek: Ready for you.

The Doctor: All you lot. Working together. An alliance. How is that possible?
Dalek: The cracks in the skin of the Universe.
Sontaran: All reality is threatened.
Cyberman: All universes will be deleted.
The Doctor: What? And you’ve come to me for help?
Sontaran: No! We will save the Universe. From you!
The Doctor: From me?
Cyberman: All projections correlate. All evidence concurs. The Doctor will destroy the Universe.
The Doctor: No. No. No, you’ve got it wrong.
Cyberman: The Pandorica was constructed to ensure the safety of the alliance.
Dalek: A scenario was devised from the memory of your companion.
Sontaran: A trap the Doctor could not resist.
Dalek: The cracks in time are the work of the Doctor. It is confirmed.
The Doctor: No, no no. Not me. The TARDIS and I’m not in the TARDIS, am I?

The Doctor: Total event collapse! Every sun will supernova, every moment in history. The whole universe will never have existed. Please! Listen to me!
Cyberman: Seal the Pandorica.
The Doctor: No, please listen to me! The TARDIS is exploding right now and I’m the only one who can stop it. Listen to me!

The Big Bang

The Doctor: Rory! Listen, she’s not dead. Well, she is dead but it’s not the end of the world. Well it is the end of the world. Actually it’s the end of the Universe. Although. Hold on. {pops back} You need to get me out of the Pandorica.
Rory: But you’re not in the Pandorica.
The Doctor: Yes I am. Well I’m not now but I was back then. Well. Back now from your point of view. Which is back then from my point of view. Time travel, you can’t keep it straight in your head. It’s easy to open from the outside. Just point. And press. Now go. {He disappears. And reappears.} Oh, and when you’re done leave my screwdriver in her top pocket. Good luck.

The Doctor: How did you do that?
Rory: You gave me this.
The Doctor: No I didn’t.
Rory: You did. Look at it.
The Doctor: Temporal energy. Same screwdriver at different points in its own time stream. Which means it was me who gave it to you. Me from the future. I’ve got a future. That’s nice. {he sees the Daleks.} That’s not.

The Doctor: History has collapsed. Whole races have been deleted from existence. These are just like after-images. Echoes. Fossils in time made from prints of the Neverwere.
Rory: Uh. What does that mean?
The Doctor: Total event collapse. The Universe literally never happened.
Rory: So how can we be here? What’s keeping us safe?
The Doctor: Nothing. Eye of the Storm, that’s all. We’re just the last light to go out. Amy. Where’s Amy?
Rory: I killed her.
The Doctor: Oh Rory.

The Doctor: She’ll be fine. Nothing can get into this box.
Rory: Well. You got in there.
The Doctor: Well there’s only one of me. I counted.

The Doctor: Listen to me. This is the last bit of advice you’re going to get in a very long time. You’re living plastic but you’re not immortal. I have no idea how long you’ll last. And you’re not indestructible. Stay away from heat. And radio signals when they come along. You can’t heal or repair yourself. Any damage is permanent. So for God’s sake, however bored you get, stay out of—

Dalek: Weapon systems restoring.
The Doctor: Come along, Ponds.
Amy: What are we doing?
The Doctor: Well we are running into a dead end where I’m going to have a brilliant plan that basically involves not being in one.

The Doctor: Well. Somebody didn’t get out much for two thousand years.
Amelia: I’m thirsty—can I get a drink?
The Doctor: Oh, it’s all mouths today isn’t it.

The Doctor: Light. The light from the Pandorica. It must have hit the Dalek.

The Doctor: So. Two thousand years. How’d you do it?
Rory: Kept out of trouble.
The Doctor: How?
Rory: Unsuccessfully.

Amy: How are you doing that?
The Doctor: Vortex manipulator. Cheap and nasty time travel. Very bad for you. Trying to give it up.

Amy: Is he dead?
The Doctor: Wha- ? Dead? Yes yes. Of course he’s dead. Right! I’ve got twelve minutes. That’s good.
Amy: Twelve minutes to live. How is that good?
The Doctor: Oh, you can do loads in twelve minutes. Suck a mint, buy a sledge, have a fast bath.

The Doctor: History is still collapsing.
Amy: Well how can I still be here if she’s not?
The Doctor: You’re an anomaly. We all are. We’re all just hanging on at the eye of the storm. But the eye is closing. And if we don’t do something fast reality will never have happened. Today, just dying is a result.

Amy: It’s morning already. How did that happen?
The Doctor: History is shrinking. Is anybody listening to me?

The Doctor: Total event collapse means that every star in the Universe never happened. Not one single one of them ever shone, so if all the stars that ever were are gone then what is that? Like I said, I’m looking for an exploding TARDIS.
Rory: But that’s the sun.
The Doctor: Is it? Well here’s the noise that sun is making right now. That’s my TARDIS burning up. That’s what’s been keeping the Earth warm.

The Doctor: Hi honey. I’m home.
River: And what sort of time do you call this?

River: Amy! And the plastic Centurion.
The Doctor: It’s okay. He’s on our side.
River: Really?
The Doctor: Yep.
River: I dated a Nestene duplicate once. Swappable head. Did keep things fresh. Right then! I have questions. But number one is this: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?
The Doctor: It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool. {Amy grabs the fez off his head and throws it in the air so River can shoot it}

The Doctor: It needs to restore its power before it can attack again. Now. That means we’ve got exactly… four and a half minutes before it’s at lethal capacity.
Rory: How do you know?
The Doctor: Because that’s when it’s due to kill me.
River: Kill you? What do you mean, kill you?

River: Doctor, you’re being completely ridiculous. The Pandorica partially restored one Dalek. If it can’t even reboot a single lifeform properly how is it going to reboot the whole of reality?
The Doctor: What if we give it a moment of infinite power? What if we can transmit the light from the Pandorica to every particle of space and time simultaneously?
River: Well that would be lovely, dear, but we can’t. Because it’s completely impossible.
The Doctor: Ah, no. you see. It’s not. It’s almost completely impossible. One spark is all we need.
River: For what?
The Doctor: Big Bang II! Now listen— {the Dalek shoots him in the back}

The Doctor: Amy Pond. The Girl Who Waited. All night in your garden. Was it worth it?
Amy: Shut up. Of course it was.
The Doctor: You asked me why I was taking you with me and I said “No reason.” I was lying.
Amy: It’s not important.
The Doctor: Yeah. It’s the most important thing left in the Universe. It’s why I’m doing this. Amy, your house is too big. That big, empty house, just you.
Amy: And Aunt Sharon.
The Doctor: Where were mom and dad? Where was everybody who lived in that big house?
Amy: I lost my mom and dad.
The Doctor: How? What happened to them? Where did they go?
Amy: I— I don’t…
The Doctor: It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t panic. It’s not your fault.
Amy: I don’t even remember.

The Doctor: There’s a crack in time in the wall of your bedroom. And it’s been eating away at your life for a long time now. Amy Pond. All alone. The Girl Who Didn’t Make Sense. How could I resist?
Amy: I’m not going to just
forget.
The Doctor: Nothing is ever forgotten. Not really. But you have to try.

The Doctor: It’s going to be a very Big Bang, Big Bang II. Try to remember your family and they’ll be there.
Amy: How can I remember them if they never existed?
The Doctor: Because you’re special. That crack in your wall, all that time. The universe pouring into your head. You brought Rory back. You can bring them back too. You just remember. They’ll be there.
Amy: You won’t.
The Doctor: You’ll have your family back. You won’t need your imaginary friend anymore. Amy Pond. Crying over me, eh? Guess what.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: Gotcha.

The Doctor: Oh. Okay. I escaped then. Brilliant. Love it when I do that. Legs. Yes. Bow tie. Cool. {feels for his hat} I can buy a fez.

The Doctor: Oh. No hang on, wait. That’s last week when we went to Space Florida. I’m rewinding. My time stream. Unraveling. Erasing. Closing. Hello Universe. Goodbye Doctor.

The Doctor: Amelia’s house. When she was seven. The night she waited. The Girl Who Waited. C’mere you. It’s funny. I thought if you could hear me I could hang on somehow. See me. See the old Doctor. When you wake up you’ll have a mom and dad. And you won’t even remember me. Well. You’ll remember me a little. I’ll be a story in your head. That’s okay. We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? ‘Cause it was, you know. It was the best. The daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away. Did I ever tell you that I stole it? Well I borrowed it. I was always going to take it back. Oh that box. Amy, you’ll dream about that box. It’ll never leave you. Big and little at the same time. Brand new and ancient and the bluest blue ever. And the times we had, eh? Would have had. Never had. In your dreams they’ll still be there. The Doctor and Amy Pond. And the days that never came. The cracks are closing. But they can’t close properly ’til I’m on the other side. I don’t belong here anymore. I think I’ll skip the rest of the rewind. I hate repeats. Live well. Love Rory. Bye bye, Pond.

Amy: Okay, Doctor. Did I surprise you this time?
The Doctor: Uh yeah. Completely astonished. Never expected that. How lucky that I happen to be wearing this old thing.
Hello everyone! I’m Amy’s imaginary friend! But I came anyway.
Amy: You absolutely definitely may kiss the bride.
The Doctor: Amelia! From now on I shall be leaving the kissing duties to the brand new Mr. Pond.
Rory: No. I’m not Mr. Pond. That’s not how it works.
The Doctor: Yeah it is.
Rory: Yeah. It is.
The Doctor: Right then everyone. I’ll be in my box. You’re going to need the space. I only came for the dancing.

The Doctor: Two thousand years. The Boy Who Waited. Good on you, mate.

River: Did you dance? Well you always dance at weddings, don’t you.
The Doctor: You tell me.
River: Spoilers.
The Doctor: The writing’s all back but I didn’t peek.
River: Thank you.

The Doctor: Are you married, River?
River: Are you asking?
The Doctor: Yes.
River: Yes.
The Doctor: No. Hang on. Did you think I was asking you to marry me or asking if you were married?
River: Yes.
The Doctor: No, but was that yes or yes?
River: Yes.
The Doctor: River. Who are you?
River: You’re going to find out very soon
now. And I’m sorry. But that’s when everything changes.

The Doctor: Sorry you two. Shouldn’t have slipped away. It’s a bit busy. You know.
Rory: You just saved the whole of space and time. Take the evening off. Maybe a bit of tomorrow.
The Doctor: Space and time isn’t safe yet. The TARDIS exploded for a reason. Something drew the TARDIS to this particular date and blew it up. Why? And why now? The Silence—whatever it is—is still out there. And I have to— Excuse me a moment. Hello? Oh, hello! I’m sorry this is a very bad line. No no no. But that’s not possible. She was sealed into the Seventh Obelisk. I was at the Prayer Meeting. Well no, I get that it’s important. An Egyptian goddess loose on the Orient Express. In space.

The Doctor: Don’t worry about a thing, Your Majesty. We’re on our way.[/nextpage]