New Earth
Rose: What are you doing?
Cassandra (Zoë Wanamaker): The lady’s moving on. It’s goodbye trampoline and hello Blondie!
Novice Hame: Legend says that the Face of Boe has watched the Universe grow old. There’s all sorts of superstitions around him. One story says that just before his death the Face of Boe will impart his great secret. That he will speak those words only to one like himself.
The Doctor: What does that mean?
Novice Hame: It’s just a story.
The Doctor: Tell me the rest.
Novice Hame: It’s said he’ll talk to a wanderer. To the man without a home. The lonely god.
Cassandra in Rose: Curves. Oh baby. It’s like living inside a bouncy castle.
Cassandra in Rose: It’s the Doctor. The same doctor with a new face. Hypocrite! I must get the name of his surgeon.
Sister Jatt: It’s happened again. One of the patients is conscious.
Matron Casp: Well, we can’t have that.
Cassandra in Rose: Remember that old Earth saying: Never trust a nun, never trust a nurse, and never trust a cat.
Cassandra in Rose: Aren’t you lucky there was a spare. Standing room only.
Cassandra in The Doctor: Goodness me, I’m a man! So many parts. I hardly use. Oh. Ah! Two hearts. Oh baby, I’m beating
out a Samba!
Rose: You get out of the Doctor’s body! He can think of something.
Cassandra in The Doctor: Nag nag nag. God it’s tedious inside your head. Hormone city.
Rose: We’re going to die!
Matron Casp: All our good work. All that healing! The good name of the sisterhood. You have destroyed everything!
Cassandra in The Doctor: Go and play with a ball of string.
Cassandra back in Rose: Oh, chav-tastic.
The Doctor: That was your last warning, Cassandra!
Cassandra in Rose: Inside her head. They’re so alone. They keep reaching out just to hold us. All their lives and they’ve never been touched.
Cassandra in Rose: You’re completely mad! I can see why she likes you.
The Doctor: You were supposed to be dying.
The Face of Boe: I have better things to do today. Dying can wait.
Cassandra in Rose: Oh I hate telepathy. Just what I need. A headful of big Face.
The Doctor: Sh!
The Face of Boe: I had grown tired of the Universe, Doctor. But you have taught me to look at it anew.
The Doctor: There are legends you know. Saying that you’re millions of years old.
The Face of Boe: Now that would be impossible.
The Doctor: Wouldn’t it just. I got the impression there was something you wanted to tell me.
The Face of Boe: A great secret.
The Doctor: So the legend says.
The Face of Boe: It can wait.
The Doctor: Oh! Does it have to?
The Face of Boe: We shall meet again, Doctor, for the third time—for the last time—and the truth shall be told. Until that day.
The Doctor: That is enigmatic. That is textbook enigmatic.
Cassandra in Chip: Oh sweet Lord. I’m a walking doodle.
Tooth and Claw
The Doctor: Let me ask, why is Your Majesty travelling by road when there’s a train all the way to Aberdeen.
Queen Victoria: A tree on the line.
The Doctor: An accident?
Queen Victoria: I am the Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. Everything around me tends to be planned.
Queen Victoria: This, I take it, is the famous endeavor.
Sir Robert (Derek Riddell): All my father’s work. Built by hand in his final years. Became something of an obsession. He spent his money of this rather than caring for the house or himself.
The Doctor: I wish I’d met him. I like him.
Queen Victoria: We shall dine at seven and talk some more of this wolf. After all, there is a full moon tonight.
Sir Robert: So there is, mum.
Queen Victoria: I take it sir that you halted my train to bring me here.
Father Angelo: We’ve waited so long for one of your journeys to coincide with the moon.
Queen Victoria: Then you have waited in vain. After six attempts on my life I am hardly unprepared.
Father Angelo: Oh, I don’t think so, woman.
Queen Victoria: The correct form of address is Your Majesty. shoots him.
Queen Victoria: Sir Robert, if I am to die here—
Sir Robert: Don’t say that, your majesty.
Queen Victoria: I would destroy myself rather than let that creature infect me.
But that’s no matter. I ask only that you find some place of safe keeping for something far older and more precious than myself.
The Doctor: Hardly the time to worry about your valuables.
Queen Victoria: Thank you for your opinion.
But there is nothing more valuable than this.
Rose: Is that the Koh-i-noor?
Queen Victoria: I’m taking it to [Hellier and Carew]. The royal jewelers at Hazlehead. The stone needs recutting.
Rose: But it’s perfect.
Queen Victoria: My late husband never thought so.
The Doctor: Now there’s a fact.
The Doctor: Your Majesty, you said last about receiving a message from the great beyond. I think your husband cut that diamond to save your life. He’s protecting you even now, mum, from beyond the grave.
Queen Victoria: Indeed. Then you may think on this also: that I am not amused. Not remotely amused. And henceforth, I banish you.
The Doctor: I’m sorry?
Queen Victoria: I have rewarded you, Sir Doctor. And now you’re exiled from this empire, never to return. I don’t know what you are, the two of you, or where you’re from. But I know that you consort with stars and magic and think it fun. But your world is steeped in terror and blasphemy and death. And I will not allow it. You will leave these shores and you will reflect, I hope, on how you came to stray so far from all that is good. And how much longer you may survive this terrible life. Now leave my world. And never return.
School Reunion
Headmaster Finch (Anthony Stewart Head): You poor child. Poor… thin child. Come inside. It’s nearly time for lunch.
Dinner Lady: What are you doing?
Rose: Calling an ambulance.
Dinner Lady: No need. She’s quite alright. screams come from inside the office. It’s fine. She does that.
Headmaster Finch: May I introduce Miss Sarah Jane Smith. Miss Smith is a journalist who is writing a profile about me for the Sunday Times. I thought it might be useful for her to get a view from the trenches, so to speak. Don’t spare my blushes.
Sarah Jane Smith (Elisabeth Sladen): Hello.
The Doctor: Oh, I should think so.
Sarah Jane: And you are?
The Doctor: Hm? Ah, Smith. John Smith.
Sarah Jane: John Smith. I used to have a friend who sometimes went by that name.
The Doctor: Well it’s a very common name.
Sarah Jane: He was a very uncommon man. Nice to me you.
The Doctor: Nice to meet you. Yes, very nice. More than nice. Brilliant.
The Doctor: Hello Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane: It’s you. Doctor. Oh my god, it’s you isnt’ it? You’ve regenerated.
The Doctor: Half a dozen times since we last met.
Sarah Jane: You look…. incredible.
The Doctor: So do you.
Sarah Jane: I got old.
What are you doing here?
The Doctor: Well, UFO sightings, school gets record results. I couldn’t resist. What about you?
Sarah Jane: Same. They laugh. I thought you’d died. I waited for you and you didn’t come back, and I thought you must have died.
The Doctor: I lived. Everyone else died.
Sarah Jane: What do you mean?
The Doctor: Everyone died, Sarah.
Sarah Jane: I can’t believe it’s you. Mickey screams Okay, now I can
The Doctor: K-9! Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, allow me to introduce K-9. Well K-9 mark III to be precise.
Rose: Why does he look so… disco?
The Doctor: Oy! Listen, in the year five thousand this was cutting edge. What happened to him?
Sarah Jane: One day just— nothing.
The Doctor: Well didn’t you try and get him repaired?
Sarah Jane: It’s not getting a part for a Mini Metro. Besides technology inside him could rewrite human science. I couldn’t show him to anyone.
The Doctor: Oo. What’s the nasty lady done to you?
Mickey: You see what’s impressive is it’s been nearly an hour since we met her and I still haven’t said “I told you so”.
Rose: I’m not listening to you.
Mickey: Though I have prepared a little “I was right” dance I can show you later.
Sarah Jane: Did I do something wrong? ‘Cause you never came back for me. You just dumped me.
The Doctor: I told you, I was called back home and in those days humans weren’t allowed.
Sarah Jane: I waited for you. I missed you.
The Doctor: Oh, you didn’t need me. You were getting on with your life.
Sarah Jane: You were my life.
You know what the most difficult thing was? Coping with what happens next. No, with what doesn’t happen next. You took me to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, you showed me supernovas, intergalactic battles and then you just dropped me back on Earth. How could anything compare to that?
The Doctor: All those things you saw, you want me to apologize for that?
Sarah Jane: No! But we get a taste of that splendor and then we have to go back.
The Doctor: Look at you, you’re investigating. You found that school. You’re doing what we always did.
Sarah Jane: You could have come back.
The Doctor: I couldn’t.
Sarah Jane: Why not?
Mickey: So what’s the deal with the tin dog?
Sarah Jane: The Doctor likes travelling with an entourage. Sometimes they’re humans, sometimes they’re aliens. And sometimes they’re tin dogs. What about you? Where do you fit in the picture?
Mickey: Me? I’m their man in Havana. I’m the technical support. I’m— pause Oh my god. I’m the tin dog.
The Doctor: You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can’t spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That’s the curse of the Time Lords.
The Doctor: Don’t forget to leave the window open a crack.
Mickey: What? He’s metal.
The Doctor: I didn’t mean for him.
Finch: And what of the Time Lords? I always thought of you as such a pompous race. Ancient, dusty senators so frightened of change and… chaos. And of course, they’re all but extinct. Only you, the last.
The Doctor: This plan of yours, what is it?
Finch: You don’t know?
The Doctor: That’s why I’m asking.
Finch: Well show me how clever you are. Work it out.
The Doctor: If I don’t like it, then it will stop.
Finch: Fascinating. Your people were peaceful to the point of indolance. You seem to be something new. would you declare war on us, Doctor?
The Doctor: I’m so old now. I used to have so much mercy. You get one warning. That was it.
Rose: The thing is, when you two met, they’d only just got rid of rationing. No wonder all that space stuff was a bit too much for ya.
Sarah Jane: I had no problem with space stuff. I saw things you wouldn’t believe!
Rose: Try me.
Sarah Jane: Mummies!
Rose: I’ve met ghosts.
Sarah Jane: Robots. Lots of robots.
Rose: Slitheen. In Downing Street.
Sarah Jane: Daleks!
Rose: Met the Emperor.
Sarah Jane: Gas mask zombies.
Rose: Anti-matter monsters.
Sarah Jane: Real living dinosaurs!
Rose: Real living werewolf!
Sarah Jane: The Loch Ness Monster!
Rose: Seriously?
Finch: Their lives are so fleeting. So many goodbyes. How lonely you must be, Doctor. Join us.
The Doctor: I could save everyone.
Finch: Yes.
The Doctor: I could stop the war.
Sarah Jane: No. The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world or a relationship, everything has its time. And everything ends.
Mr. Finch: Forget the Shooty Dog thing.
The Doctor: Goodbye, old friend.
K-9: Goodbye Master.
The Doctor: You good dog.
K-9: Affirmative.
Finch: You bad dog.
K-9: Affirmative.
Rose: What do I do? Do I stay with him?
Sarah Jane: Yes. Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.
The Girl in the Fireplace
Reinette: Monsieur, what are you doing in my fireplace?
The Doctor: Oh it’s just a… routine fire check. Can you tell me what year it is?
Reinette: Of course I can. Seventeen hundred and twenty-seven.
The Doctor: Right. Lovely. One of my favorites. August is rubbish though. Stay indoors.
Mickey: Excellent! Ice gun.
The Doctor: Fire extinguisher.
Reinette: It is customary, I think, to have an imaginary friend only during one’s childhood. You are to be congratulated on your persistence.
The Doctor: Reinette. Well. Goodness how you’ve grown.
Reinette: And you do not appear to have aged a single day. That is tremendously impolite of you.
Reinette: How could you be a stranger to me? I’ve known you since I was seven years old.
The Doctor: Yeah. I suppose you have. I came the quick route.
Reinette: You seem to be flesh and blood at any rate, but the is absurd. Reason tells me you cannot be real.
The Doctor: Oh, you never want to listen to reason.
Katherine: Speaking of wicked, I hear Madame de Châteauroux is ill and close to death.
Reinette: Yes. I am devastated.
Katherine: Oh, indeed. I myself am frequently inconsolable. The King will therefore be requiring a new mistress. You love the King, of course.
Reinette: He is the king. And I love him with all my heart. And I look forward to meeting him.
Rose: Why her? You’ve got all of history to choose from. Why specifically her?
Clockwork Woman: We are the same.
Reinette: We are not the same. We are in no sense the same.
Reinette: Fireplace Man. You are in my mind.
The Doctor: Oh dear, Reinette. You’ve had some cowboys in here.
Reinette: Doctor. So lonely. So very very alone.
The Doctor: What do you mean, alone? You’ve never been alone in your life. {realizing} When did you start calling me Doctor?
Reinette: Such a lonely little boy. Lonely then and lonelier now. How can you bear it?
The Doctor: How did you do that?
Reinette: A door once opened may be stepped through in either direction. Oh Doctor. My lonely Doctor. Dance with me.
The Doctor: I can’t.
Reinette: Dance with me.
The Doctor: This is the night you dance with the King.
Reinette: Then first I shall make him jealous.
The Doctor: I can’t.
Reinette: Doctor. Doctor who? It’s more than just a secret, isn’t it?
The Doctor: What did you see?
Reinette: That there comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must learn how to dance.
Reinette: The monsters and the Doctor. It seems you cannot have one without the other.
Rose: Tell me about it. The thing is, you weren’t supposed to have either. Those creatures are messing with history. None of this was ever supposed to happen to you.
Reinette: “Supposed to happen”. What does that mean? It happened, child. And I would not have it any other way. One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel.
Reinette: Those screams. Is that my future?
Rose: Yeah. I’m sorry.
Reinette: Then I must take the slower path.
Rose: Are you okay?
Reinette: No. I’m very afraid. But you and I know—don’t we, Rose—the Doctor is worth the monsters.
Reinette: I have made a decision. And my decision is no. I shall not be going with you today. I have seen your world and I have no desire to set foot there again.
Clockwork Man: We do not require your feet.
Reinette: You think I fear you. But I do not fear you even now. You are merely the nightmare of my childhood. The monster from under my bed. And if my nightmare can return to plague me then rest assured, so will yours.
Reinette: So here you are, my lonely angel. Stuck on the slow path with me.
King Louis: And there she goes. Leaving Versailles for the last time.
Reinette: My Dear Doctor, The path has never seemed so slow, and yet I fear I am nearing its end. Reason tells me that you and I are unlikely to meet again, but I think I shall not listen to reason. I have seen the world inside your head and know that all things are possible. Hurry though, my love. My days grow shorter now and I am so very weak. God speed, my lonely angel.
Rise of the Cybermen
The Doctor: We fell out of the Vortex. Through the Void into nothingness. We’re in some sort of noplace. A silent realm. A lost dimension.
Mickey looking outside: Otherwise known as London.
The Doctor: This is not your world.
Mickey: But if the date’s the same…. It’s parallel, right? Am I right, like a parallel Earth where they’ve got Zeppelins? Am I right? I’m right, aren’t I?
The Doctor: Must be.
Rose: So a parallel world where—
Mickey: Oh come on, you’ve seem it on films. Like an alternative to our world, where everything’s the same but a little bit different. Like, I don’t know, traffic lights are blue. Tony Blair never got elected.
Rose: And he’s still alive. A parallel world where my dad’s still alive.
Alt-Jackie Tyler: Look, you didn’t even notice did you? {shows him the earpiece.} Special delivery. Got sent round today. Birthday present from Mr. Lumic. Latest model. Diamond-studded. Pick up signals from Venezuela.
Alt-Pete Tyler: Why would you want to pick up signals from Venezuela?
Alt-Jackie: Well I don’t know. But now I can find out.
Lumic: If the president of Great Britain can make this meeting then so can you.
Alt-Pete: I don’t know, he’s not married to Jackie is he.
The Doctor: If I could just get this thing to— {The Doctor kicks the TARDIS}
Mickey: Did that help?
The Doctor: Yes.
Mickey: Did that hurt?
The Doctor: Yes.
The President: I tried your drink—that Vitex stuff. It tastes like POM.
Alt-Pete: Well it is POM.
The President: You made money by selling a health food drink to a sick world. Not quite the ordinary Joe you appear to be, are you?
The most precious thing on Earth is the human brain, and yet we allow it to die. But now, Cybus Industries has perfected a way of sustaining the brain indefinitely within a cradle of copyrighted chemicals.
Jake: What are you doing there?
Ricky: What am I doing here? {about Mickey} What am I doing there?
Ricky: He’s flesh and blood. How did that happen?
Mrs. Moore: Well it could be that Cybus Industries have perfected the science of human cloning. Or your father had a bike?
Ricky: You’re talking to London’s most wanted. But target number one is Lumic and we are going to bring him down.
Mickey: From your kitchen.
Ricky: Have you got a problem with that?
Mickey: No. It’s a good kitchen.
Rose: Mrs. Tyler, is there anything I can get you?
Jackie: The last twenty years back.
Rose: I can manage a glass of champagne or a nice cup of tea.
Cyberman: Every citizen will receive a free upgrade. You will become like us.
President: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what’s been done to you. But listen to me, this experiment ends. Tonight.
Cyberman: Upgrading is compulsory.
President: And if I refuse?
The Doctor: Don’t.
President: What if I refuse?
The Doctor: I’m telling you, don’t!
President: What happens if I refuse?
Cyberman: Then you are not compatible.
President: What happens then?
Cyberman: You will be deleted.
The Age of Steel
Mrs. Moore: Finished chatting? I’ve never seen a slower getaway in my life!
Alt-Pete: I thought I was broadcasting to the security services. What do I get? Scooby Doo and his gang. They’ve even got the van.
Mickey: No no no. But the Preacher’s not what he’s doing. Ricky said he’s London’s most wanted.
Ricky: Yeah that’s not exactly…
Mickey: Not exactly what?
Ricky: I’m London’s most wanted for parking tickets.
Pete: Oh great.
Ricky: Yeah, they were deliberate. I was fighting the system. Park anywhere, that’s me.
The Doctor: Good policy. I do much the same. I’m the Doctor, by the way. If anyone’s interested.
Rose: And I’m Rose. Hello.
Pete: Even better. That’s the name of my dog. Still, at least I’ve got the catering staff on my side.
Lumic: Activate earpod primary sequence.
Computer: Please state area of activation.
Lumic: The city of London. I’ve just declared independence.
Cyberman: This one is unprogrammed.
Lumic: Mr. Crane, I thought you were one of the faithful.
Mr. Crane: Oh that I am, sir. My earpod must have malfunctioned. For which I apologize.
Rose: We’ve got to get in there and shut it down.
Mickey: How do we do that?
The Doctor: Oh, I’ll think of something.
Mickey: You’re just making this up as you go along.
The Doctor: Yep. But I do it brilliantly.
Mickey: What about me?
The Doctor: Mickey. You can, um…
Mickey: Stay out of trouble and be the tin dog? No, those days are over. I’m going with Jake.
Jake: I don’t need you, idiot.
Mickey: I’m not an idiot! You got that? I’m offering to help.
Jake: Whatever.
The Doctor: Mickey. Good luck.
The Doctor: You haven’t got a hot dog in there, have you? I’m starving.
Mrs. Moore: Of all the things to wish for. That’s mechanically-recovered meat.
The Doctor: I know. It’s Cybermen of food but it’s tasty.
Jake: Two guards. We can take them.
Mickey: Don’t kill them.
Jake: Who put you in charge?
Mickey: If you kill them, what’s the difference between you and the Cybermen?
Mickey: There’s gotta be more guards on board.
Jake: Then let’s go get them.
Rose: Mickey, where’d you learn to fly that thing?!
Mickey: Playstation. Just hold on Rose. I’m coming to get you.
Mickey: Thing is, I’m staying.
The Doctor: You’re doing what?
Rose: You can’t.
Mickey: It sort of balances out, ’cause this world lost its Ricky. But there’s me. And there’s work to be done with all those Cybermen still out there.
Rose: But you can’t stay.
Mickey: Rose, my Gran’s here. She’s still alive, my old Gran. Remember her? She needs me.
Rose: What about me, what if I need you?
Mickey: Yeah but Rose, you don’t. It’s just you and him isn’t it? We had something a long time ago but… not anymore.
Mickey: Jake, you’ll want to watch this. That’s the Doctor. In the TARDIS. With Rose Tyler.
Mickey: I know it’s not easy with my face looking exactly like Ricky. But I’m a different man, I’m not replacing him. But we can remember him by fighting in his name. Of all the Cyberfactories out there, d’you think there’d be one in Paris?
Jake: Yeah.
Mickey: Then let’s go liberate Paris.
Jake: What, you and me? In a van?
Mickey: Nothing wrong with a van. I once saved the Universe with a big yellow truck.
The Idiot’s Lantern
Magpie: Two hundred pounds overdrawn. I need a miracle.
Grandma: I hear they rot your brains. Rot them into soup. And your brain comes pouring out of your ears. That’s what television does.
The Wire: Mr. Magpie. Oh Mr. Magpie. Woo hoo. Can you hear me, Magpie?
Magpie: Yes. I must be dreaming.
The Wire: Oh no, this is a dream.
Magpie: I’ve gone doolally then.
The Wire: Not at all, sweetheart. Now, are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then we’ll begin.
The Doctor: Is this 1953?
Magpie: Last time I looked. Time for a lovely bit of Pomp and Circumstance. What we do best.
Magpie: I’ve finished it. As you instructed.
The Wire: That’s awfully good of you, Mr. Magpie.
Magpie: So you’ll go soon? Leave me?
The Wire: We’ll see. If you’re a very good boy.
Magpie: Please. You’re burning me. Inside. Behind my eyes. It hurts. Even my memories hurt. I just want things back like they used to be.
The Wire: Oh but this world of yours is busy busy busy. Forging ahead into a brand new age. You can never go back. That’s your tragedy.
Rita Connolly: But Eddie, what if she’s dying?
Eddie Connolly: I am talking! That’s better. A little bit of hush.
The Doctor: Hold on a minute. You’ve got two hands, Mr. Connolly. Two big hands. Why is it your wife’s job?
Eddie Connolly: It’s housework, innit?
The Doctor: And that’s a woman’s job?
Eddie Connolly: Of course it is.
The Doctor: Mr. Connolly, what gender is the Queen?
Eddie Connolly: She’s a female.
The Doctor: Then are you suggesting the Queen does the housework?
Eddie Connolly: No! not at all!
The Doctor: Then get busy.
Rose: How come the televisions are so cheap?
Magpie: It’s my patriotic duty. Seems only right that as many folk as possible get to watch the Coronation. We may be losing the Empire but we can still be proud. Twenty million people they reckon’ll be watching. Imagine that. And twenty million can’t be wrong, eh?
Rose: You gonna come clean then? What’s really in it for you?
Magpie: For me? Perhaps some peace.
Rose: From what?
Magpie: From her.
Detective Inspector Bishop standing over The Doctor: Start from the beginning. Tell me everything you know.
The Doctor: Well. For starters, I know you can’t wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet.
Detective Inspector Bishop: Don’t get clever with me!
Detective Inspector Bishop: Twenty years on the force, I don’t even know where to start. We haven’t the faintest clue what’s going on.
The Doctor: Well. That could change.
Detective Inspector Bishop: How?
The Doctor standing over Bishop: Start from the beginning. Tell me everything you know.
The Wire: Conduct me to my victory, Magpie.
Policeman: Wait wait wait. Where do we think we’re—ah! The Doctor flashes his slightly psychic paper. I’m very sorry, sir. Shouldn’t you be at the coronation?
The Doctor: They’re saving me a seat.
Tommy: Who’d he think you were?
The Doctor checking the paper: The King of Belgium, apparently.
Policeman as The Doctor runs past: You’ll get yourself killed up there! Your Majesty!
The Impossible Planet
The Ood: We must feed. We must feed. We must feed… {hits control} you. If you are hungry.
The Doctor: Sorry?
Mr. Jefferson: Captain, you’re not going to believe this. We’ve got people. Out of nowhere. I mean real people. I mean two living people. Just standing here. Right in front of me.
Zachary Cross Flane: Don’t be stupid. That’s impossible.
Jefferson: I was just telling them that.
But you’re a sort of space base. You must have visitors now and then. It can’t be that impossible.
Jefferson: You’re telling me you don’t know where you are?
The Doctor: No idea. More fun that way.
Zach: Oh my god, you meant it.
Scooti Manista: People. Look at that, real people.
The Doctor: That’s us. Hooray!
Rose: Yeah, definitely real. My name’s Rose. Rose Tyler. And that’s The Doctor.
Ida Scott: …and this, this is home.
Zach: Brace yourselves. The sight of it sends some people mad.
Rose: That’s a black hole.
The Doctor: That’s impossible.
Zach: I did warn you.
Ida: This lump of rock is suspended in perpetual geostationary orbit around that black hole without falling in. Discuss.
Rose: But if there’s no atmosphere out there, what’s that?
Ida: Stars breaking up, gas clouds. We have whole solar system’s being ripped apart above our heads before falling into that thing.
Rose: So a bit worse than a storm then.
Ida: Just a bit.
Rose: Just a bit, yeah.
Zach: That’s the black hole officially designated K37-Gen-5.
Ida: In the Scriptures of the Valtino, this planet is called Krop Tor, “the bitter pill.” And the black hole is supposed to be a mighty demon, who was tricked into devouring the planet. Only to spit it out, ’cause it was poison.
Rose: I’m sorry, what was your name?
Ood: We have no titles. We are as one.
Rose: Um. What are they called?
Danny Bartock: Oh come on. Where have you been living? Everyone’s got one.
Rose: Well not me. So what are they?
Danny: They’re the Ood.
Rose: The Ood?
Danny: The Ood.
Rose: Well that’s… ood.
Ida to the Doctor: I’ll, uh, put you in the duty roster. We need someone in the laundry.
Rose: I did that job once. I was a dinner lady. Not that I’m calling you a lady. Although I don’t know, you might be. Do you actually get paid, though? Do they give you money?
Ood: The Beast and his armies shall rise from the pit to make war against God.
Rose: I’m sorry?
Ood: Apologies. I said, “I hope you enjoy your meal.”
Rose not so sure: Yeah.
Rose: What does Basic 30 mean?
Danny: Well, it means that they’re shouting—screaming—inside their heads.
The Doctor: Or something’s shouting at them.
The Ood: We are the Legion of the Beast.
Zach: Report. Jefferson, report. Someone, report!
The Beast (through the Ood): He has woven himself in the fabric of your life since the dawn of time. Some may call him Abaddon. Some may call him Krop Tor. Some may call him Satan. Or Lucifer. But do not despair. The Deathless Prince. The Bringer of Night. These are the words that shall set you free.
Zach: We’re moving. The whole thing’s moving. The planet’s moving. […] Gravity field. It’s going. We’re losing orbit. We’re going to fall into the black hole.
The Beast (through the Ood): I have been imprisoned for eternity. But no more. The pit is open. And I am free!
The Satan Pit
Zach: Ida. I recommend that you withdraw. Immediately.
Ida Scott: But we’ve come all this way.
Zach: Okay, that was an order. Withdraw. When that thing opened the whole planet shifted. One more inch and we fall into the black hole, so this thing stops right now.
Ida: But it’s not much better up there with the Ood.
Zach: I’m initiating strategy nine, so I need the two of you back up top immediately. No argu— {she shuts off the comm.} Ida! Ida!
Ida: What do you think?
The Doctor: He gave an order.
Ida: Yeah but. What do you think?
The Doctor: What’s strategy nine?
Ida: Open the airlocks. We’ll be safe inside the lockdown. The Ood will get thrown out into the vacuum.
The Doctor: So we’re going back to a slaughter.
Ida: The Devil’s work.
The Beast (through the Ood): This is the darkness. This is my domain. You little things that live in the light. Clinging to your feeble suns which die in the end.
Zach: That’s not the Ood. Something’s talking through them.
The Beast (through the Ood): Only the darkness remains.
Zach: This is Zachary Cross Flane of Sanctuary Base Six representing the Torchwood Archive. You will identify yourself.
The Beast (through the Ood): You know my name.
Zach: What do you want?
The Beast (through the Ood): You will die here. All of you. this planet is your grave.
The Doctor: What does “before time” mean?
The Beast (through the Ood): Before time and light and space and matter. Before the cataclysm. Before this universe was created.
The Doctor: There it is again. That itch. “Go down go down go down go down.”
Ida: The urge to jump. Do you know wher e it comes from, that sensation? Genetic heritage. Ever since we were primates in the tress. It’s our body’s way of testing us. Calculating whether or not we can reach the next branch.
The Doctor: No, that’s not it. That’s too kind. It’s not the urge to jump, it’s deeper than that. It’s the urge to fall!
Rose: Not your best angle, Danny.
Danny: Oy, stop it.
Toby behind Rose: I don’t know. It could be worse.
Rose: Oy!
Jefferson: Regret to inform, sir, I was a bit slow. Not so fast these days.
Zach: I can’t open 8.1, John. Not without losing air for the others.
Jefferson: And quite right too, sir. I think I bought them a little time.
Jefferson: Might I ask if you can’t add oxygen to this section, can you speed up the process of its removal?
Zach: I don’t understand. What d’you mean?
Jefferson: Well, if might choose the manner of my departure, sir, lack of air seems more natural then, well… let’s say, “death by Ood.” I’d appreciate it, sir.
Zach: God speed, Mr. Jefferson.
Jefferson: Thank you, sir.
Ida: But if this is the original, does that make it real? Does that make it the actual Devil?
The Doctor: Maybe that’s what the Devil is in the end. An idea.
Ida: That’s it. That’s all we’ve got. Are you getting any sort of read out?
The Doctor: Nothing. Could be miles to go yet. Or… could be thirty feet. No way of telling. I could survive thirty feet.
Ida: Oh no you don’t!
Ida: But I don’t want to die on my own.
The Doctor: I know.
The Doctor: Neo-classics. Have they got a Devil?
Ida: No, not as such. Just, um… “the things that men do.”
The Doctor: Same thing in the end.
Zach to Rose: I have lost too many people. I am not leaving you behind.
Zach: We’ve still lost the gravity funnel. We can’t escape the black hole.
Rose: But we stopped him. That’s what the Doctor would have done.
Zach: Some victory. We’re going in.
The Doctor: Right! Onwards, upwards! Ida, see you again maybe?
Ida: I hope so.
Rose: And thanks boys!
Ida: Hang on though, Doctor. You never really said. You two, who are you?
The Doctor: Oh… the stuff of legend!
Love & Monsters
Elton: You can’t imagine it—the Doctor’s machine. The most beautiful sound in the world. That wasn’t the first time I met the Doctor. And it certainly wasn’t the last—oh no. I just put that bit at the beginning because it’s a brilliant opening. But this is the story of me. And my encounters with alien life forms. But be warned, because it is gonna get {he leans in} scary. I need a remote control zoom. I’m having to do that with a lean {he leans in again} Scary!
Elton: Alright, first things first. My name is Elton. Not to be confused with {shot of Elton John}. I left school, got a job—transport manager, retail logistics. Modest little haulage company. Perfectly normal life. And then it all went mad!
Elton: I should say, this isn’t, you know, my whole life. It’s not all space ships and stuff. ‘Cause I’m in to all sorts of things. I like football, I like a drink, I like Spain. And if there’s one thing I really, really love, then it’s Jeff Lynde and the Electric Light Orchestra. ‘Cause you can’t beat a bit of ELO.
Bliss: What I’m trying to do is sum up the Doctor. What he means to us. What he could represent. And what he should represent. And what he… never won’t represent… sort of thing.
Elton: So we’d all meet up every week and we’d talk about the Doctor for a bit. But after awhile Bridget started cooking. Next thing you know, Mr. Skinner started his readings. ‘Cause he was writing his own novel. Time went on, we got to know each other better and better.
Elton: Then it turned out that Bridget could play the piano. And I confessed my love of ELO. Next thing you know, Musical LINDA!
Elton: And that’s when it all changed. That Tuesday night in March. That’s when he arrived. That’s when we met Victor Kennedy. The Golden Age was gone.
Elton: Sorry, don’t mind my asking. But who are you?
Victor Kennedy (Peter Kay): I am your salvation.
Elton: We were wondering—no sign of Bliss. Do you know where she is?
Kennedy: Yes, didn’t she tell you? She’s getting married. Left a message. It’ll never last. Stupid girl.
Ursula: Use a cane on him and you’ll get a hell of a smack off me! And then a good kick. Is that completely understood, Mr. Kennedy?
Kennedy: Duly noted. “Ursula Blake: most likely to fight back.”
Elton: And so it began. The impossible task. To scour the mean streets. To search a major capitol city for an unknown girl. To hunt down that face in a seething metropolis of lost souls. To find that one girl in ten million—
Neighbor: Oh! That’s Rose Tyler. She lives just round there.
Mr. Skinner: You’ve achieved steps one through four in precise order. How did you manage it?
Elton: I had to work very hard. She keep everything very close to her chest.
Ursula: That’s a hell of a chest.
Elton: You’re… a thing.
Mr. Kennedy: A thing? This thing is my true form. Better than that crude pink ship you call a body.
Elton: You’re some sort of… Absorbathon. An… Absorbaling. Abzorbaloff.
Abzorbaloff: Yes! I like that.
The Doctor: You’re not from Raxacoricofallapatorius are you?
Abzorbaloff: No! I’m not the swine! I spit on them. I was born on the Twin planet.
The Doctor: Really? What’s the twin planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius?
Abzorbaloff: Clom.
Elton: So. There you go. Turns out I’ve had the most terrible things happen. And the most brilliant things. Sometimes, well, I can’t tell the difference. They’re all the same thing. They’re just me.
Elton: Maybe that’s what happens if you touch the Doctor. Even for a second. I keep thinking of Rose and Jackie. And how much longer before they pay the price.
Elton: It’s a relationship of sorts, but we manage. We’ve even got a bit of a love life.
Ursula: Oh, let’s not get into that.
Fear Her
Trish: What have you been drawing?
Chloe: I drew him yesterday.
Trish: Who?
Chloe: Dad.
Trish: Your dad? But he’s long gone. Chloe, with all the lovely things in the world, why him?
Rose: And what about the Dad from Hell in her wardrobe?
Trish: How many times do I have to tell you? He’s dead.
Rose: Well he’s got a very loud voice for a dead bloke.
Kel: You just took a council axe from a council van and now you’re digging up a council road! I’m reporting you to the council!
Rose: It went for the hottest thing in the street. Your tar!
Kel: What is it?
Rose: It’s a spaceship. Not a council spaceship, I’m afraid.
Isolus: I can go home. Goodbye, Chloe Webber. I love you.
Kel: We did it! {he hugs an excited Rose} What was it you did?
Kel: Maybe he’s gone somewhere.
Rose: Who’s gonna hold his hand now?
Army of Ghosts
Jackie: Do you think you’ll ever settle down?
Rose: The Doctor never will, so I can’t. I’ll just keep on traveling.
Jackie: And he’ll keep on changing. And in forty years time, fifty, they’ll be this woman, this strange woman walking through the marketplace. On some planet a billion miles from Earth. But she’s not Rose Tyler. Not anymore. She’s not even human.
Yvonne: Torchwood Institute has a motto: if it’s alien it’s ours.
Yvonne: They did warn me, Doctor. They said you liked to make a mess.
Yvonne: Well if that’s Rose Tyler, who’s she?
Jackie: I’m her mother.
Yvonne: Oh, you travel with her mother?
Jackie: He kidnapped me.
The Doctor: Please, when Torchwood comes to write my complete history, don’t tell people I traveled through time and space with her mother.
Yvonne: They’re invading the whole planet.
The Doctor: It’s not an invasion. It’s too late for that. It’s a victory.
Raj: Samuel, what are you doing?
Mickey: The name’s Mickey. Mickey Smith. Defending the Earth.
Doomsday
Dalek: The Genesis Ark must be protected above all else!
Cyberman: I ordered surrender.
The Doctor: They’re not taking instructions! They understand. You’re on every street. You’re in their homes. You’ve got their children. Of course they’re going to fight!
Cyberman: Your design in inelegant.
Dalek: Daleks have no concept of elegance!
Cyberman: This is obvious.
Cyberman: Daleks be warned. You have declared war upon the Cybermen.
Dalek: This is not war! This is pest control!
Pete: Look at it. A world of peace. They’re calling this the Golden Age.
The Doctor: Who’s the president now?
Pete: A woman called Harriet Jones.
The Doctor: I’d keep an eye on her.
Pete: Doctor, help us.
The Doctor: What? Close the breach? Stop the Cybermen? Defeat the Daleks? Do you believe I can do that?
Pete: Yes.
The Doctor: Maybe that’s all I need. Off we go then!
The Doctor: We’ve got to see what it’s doing. We’re going to go back up! All of you, top floor!
Jackie: That’s 45 floors up. Believe me, I’ve done them all!
Jake popping out of the elevator: We could always take the lift.
Mickey: The Time Lords put the Daleks in there? What for?
The Doctor: It’s a prison ship.
Rose: How many in there?
The Doctor: Millions.
Pete: It stopped working. He did it. He closed the breach.