Series 6

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The Impossible Astronaut

Guard: You better get down here, sir. She’s doing it again. […] Doctor Song, sir. She’s packing. Says she’s going to some planet called “America”.

River: Whatever that was, it killed him in the middle of his regeneration cycle. His body was already dead. He didn’t make it to the next one.
Amy: Maybe he’s a clone or a duplicate or something.
Canton Everett Delaware III (William Morgan Sheppard): I believe I can save you some time. That most certainly is the Doctor. And he is most certainly dead.

River: Who are you? Why did you come?
Delaware: Same reason as you. {he pulls out the invite} Doctor Song. Amy. Rory. I’m Canton Everett Delaware the Third. I won’t be seeing you again, but you’ll be seeing me.

Nixon: I understand you have a problem with authority.
Canton Everett Delaware, III (Mark Sheppard): Thank you.
Nixon: It’s not a compliment, son.

Nixon: You were my second choice for this, Mr. Delaware.
Delaware: That’s okay. You were my second choice for president. Mr. Nixon.

Nixon: Every day—wherever I am—I get a phone call.
Delaware: People can’t just call you, Mr. President.
Nixon: It’s a direct call every time. Every day for the last two weeks. Usually late at night.
Delaware: Man or woman?
Nixon: Neither.

Nixon: Who are you?
The Doctor: Nah, boring question. Who’s phoning you? That’s interesting. ‘Cause Canton Three is right. That was definitely a girl’s voice. Which means there’s only one place in America she can be phoning from.
Delaware: Where?
Peterson: Do not engage with the intruder, Mr. Delaware.
The Doctor: You heard everything I heard. It’s simple enough. Give me five minutes I’ll explain. On the other hand, lay a finger on me or my friends and you’ll never ever know.
Delaware: How’d you get it in there? I mean you didn’t carry it in.
The Doctor: Clever, eh?
Delaware: Love it.
Peterson: Do not compliment the intruder!
Delaware: Five minutes?
The Doctor: Five.

Peterson: Mr. President, that man is a clear and present dang—
Delaware: Mr President, that man walked in here with a big blue box and three of his friends. And that’s the man he walked past. One of them is worth listening to. I say we give him five minutes, see if he delivers.
The Doctor: Thanks Canton.
Delaware: If he doesn’t, I’ll shoot him myself.
The Doctor: Not so thanks.

Amy: I saw you before at the lake. And here. But then I forgot. How did I forget? What are you? {the woman comes out} Get back! Stay back from it.
Joy: Augh! Oh my god, what is that? Is that a mask? Is that a Star Trek thing? Ben, is that you?
Amy: Get back from it now! {Joy turns}
Joy: Back from what, honey?

Amy: You didn’t have to kill her. She couldn’t even remember you. How does that work? We can only remember you while we’re seeing you, is that it? {she snaps a photo}. Why did you have to kill her?
The Silent: Joy. Her name was Joy. Your name is Amelia. You will tell the Doctor.
Amy: Tell him what?
The Silent: What he must know. And what he must never know.
Amy: How do you know about that?
The Silent: Tell him!

Delaware: You, sir, are a genius.
The Doctor: A hobby.

The Doctor: Canton, on no account follow me into this box and close the door behind you.
Delaware: What the hell are you doing?! {he runs into the TARDIS}.

Rory: You okay? Coping? {Canton just sort of spins around}.
Delaware: It’s bigger on the inside.
Rory: Yeah, you get used to it.

Delaware: We’ve moved. How can we have we moved?
The Doctor: You haven’t even got to space travel yet.
Rory: I was going to cover it with time travel.
Delaware: Time travel?

Delaware: So we’re in a box that’s bigger on the inside and it travels through time and space?
Rory: Yeah, basically.
Delaware: How long have Scotland Yard had this?

The Doctor: Ah! Back with us, Canton?
Delaware: I like your wheels.
The Doctor: That’s my boy.

Amy: So. You were kicked out of the FBI because you had attitude problems.
Delaware: No. I just wanted to get married.
Amy: Is that a crime?
Delaware: Yes.

Delaware: Doctor “who” exactly?
Amy: Ah. That’s classified.
Delaware: Classified by who?
Amy: God knows.

Amy: I had something I wanted to tell him. Stuff always gets in the way.
Delaware: Stuff does that.

Little Girl: Help me!
Amy: Get down!
The Doctor: What are you doing?!
Amy: Saving your life!

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Day of the Moon

3 Months Later – July 1969

Amy: Canton.
Canton: Miss Pond.
Amy: Is that a body bag?
Canton: Yes it is.
Amy: It’s empty.
Canton: How ’bout that.
Amy: Do you even know why you’re doing this, eh? Can you even remember? The warehouse.

Area 51 – Nevada

Canton: We found Amy Pond. She had strange markings {shows the photo} on her arm. Do you know what they are?
The Doctor: Why don’t you ask her.

New York

Canton: Dr. Song! Dr. Song!

Canton: It’s over.
River: They’re here, Canton. They’re everywhere.
Canton: I know. America is being invaded.
River: You were invaded a long time ago. America is occupied!
Canton: You’re coming with us, Dr. Song. There’s no way out this time.
River: There’s always a way out. {She swan dives off the building.}

Canton: We found Dr. Song.
The Doctor: These bricks, what are they made of? {switching gears} Where is she?
Canton: She ran. Off the fiftieth floor.
The Doctor: I’d say zero balance dwarf star alloy. The densest material in the Universe. Nothing gets through that. You’re building me the perfect prison. {He turns to Canton} And it still won’t be enough.

Glen Canyon Dam – Arizona

Rory: What are you waiting for?
Canton: I’m waiting for you to run. It’ll look better if I shot you while you’re running. Then again— {he aims} looks aren’t everything.

The Doctor: Is there a reason you’re doing this?
Canton: I want you to know where you stand. In a cell. In a perfect cell. Nothing can penetrate these walls. No sound. Not a radio wave. Not the tiniest particle of anything. In here, you’re literally cut off from the rest of the Universe.

Canton: So I guess they can’t hear us, right?
The Doctor: Good work, Canton. Door sealed?
Canton: You bet.

Rory: These things could really do with air holes!
Canton: Never had a complaint before.
Amy: Isn’t it going to look odd that you’re standing here with us?
Canton: Odd, but not alarming. They know there’s no way out of this place.
The Doctor: Exactly! Whatever they think we might be doing in here, they know we’re not going anywhere. {he leans against the invisible TARDIS} Shall we?

Canton: So you’ve seen them, but you don’t remember them?
River: You’ve seen them too. That night at the warehouse. Remember? While you were pretending to hunt us down we saw hundreds of those things. We still don’t know what they look like.

Canton: How long have they been here?
Amy: That’s what we’ve spent the last three months trying to find out.
Rory: Yeah, not easy if you can’t remember anything you discover.
Canton: How long do you think?
The Doctor: As long as there’s been something in the corner of your eye, or creaking in your house or breathing under your bed or voices through a wall. They’ve been running your lives for a very long time now, so keep this straight in your head. We are not fighting an alien invasion. We’re leading a revolution. And today the battle begins.

The Doctor: Look at your hand.
Canton: Why’s it doing that?
The Doctor: What does it mean if the light’s flashing? What did I just tell you?
Canton: I haven’t—
The Doctor: Play it.

The Doctor: You just saw an image of one of the creatures we’re fighting. Describe it.
Canton: I can’t.
The Doctor: No. Neither can I.

Dr. Renfrew: Please excuse the writing. It keeps happening. I try to clean it up.
Amy: It’s the kids, yeah? They did that.
Dr. Renfrew: Yes. The children. It must be. Yes. {they see GET OUT written on his arm}.

Canton: We nearly didn’t come to this place. I understood Graystark Hall was closed 1967.
Dr. Renfrew: That’s the plan, yes.
Amy: The plan?
Dr. Renfrew: Not long now, yes.
Canton: It’s 1969.
Dr. Renfrew: No no, we close in ’67. That’s the plan, yes.
Canton: You misunderstood me, sir. It’s 1969 now.
Dr. Renfrew: Why are you saying that? Of course it isn’t.
Canton: July.

Canton: This place, it’s been closed for years. What have you been doing?
Dr. Renfrew: Oh, the child. She must be cared for. It’s important. That’s what they said.

Amy: Hello. Who are you?
Matron: No I think she’s just dreaming.

Amy: Who are you? I don’t understand so just tell me who you are! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shoot you. I’m glad I missed. But you killed the Doctor. Or you’re gonna kill him. But who are you? Just please, tell me, because I don’t understand.
Little Girl: Please help me. Help me. Please.

Canton: What are you? You can tell me. ‘Cause I won’t remember. You invaded us. You’re everywhere. Are you armed?
The Silent: This world is ours. We have ruled it since the wheel and the fire. We have no need of weapons.
Canton: Yeah. {He shoots him.} Welcome to America.

The Doctor: Who and what are you?
The Silent: The Silence, Doctor. We are the Silence. And Silence will fall!

Canton: Hello again.
Ishem: Sir, you’ve been in there for days. What the hell have you been doing?
Canton: Doesn’t matter. I need Dr. Sheppard here right now.
Ishem: Sir, I need to talk to Colonel Jefferson right now.
Canton: No. You really don’t.

The Silent: You tend to my wounds. You are foolish.
Canton: Why? What would you do in my place?
The Silent: We have ruled your lives since your lives began. You should kill us all on sight. But you will never remember. We weren’t even here. Your will is ours!
Canton: Well. Sorry to disappoint you. But thanks, that’s exactly what I needed to hear. This is a video phone. Whatever a video phone is.

The Silent: We do you honor. You will bring the Silence. But your part will soon be over.
Amy: Well whatever that means, you’ve made a big mistake bringing me here ’cause wait ’til you see what’s coming for you now.
The Silent: You have been here for many days.
Amy: no. I just got here. You just put me in here.
The Silent: Your memory’s weak. You have been here many days.
Amy: No. I can’t have been.
The Silent: You will sleep now.

Nixon: So we’re safe again.
The Doctor: Safe? No, of course you’re not safe. There’s about a billion other things out there just waiting to burn your whole world. But if you want to pretend you’re safe just so you can sleep at night, okay. You’re safe. But you’re not really.

Nixon: This person that you want to marry. Black?
Canton: Yes.
Nixon: Hm. I know what people think of me, but perhaps I’m a little more liberal—
Canton: He is.
Nixon: I think the moon is far enough for now, don’t you Mr. Delaware?
Canton: I figured it might be.

New York – 6 Months Later

Homeless Guy: Are you okay? Little girl, are you okay?
Little Girl: It’s all right. It’s quite all right. I’m dying. But I can fix that. It’s easy really. See? {she starts to regenerate}

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The Curse of the Black Spot

Boatswain (Lee Ross): What’s wrong?
Mulligan (Michael Begley): Man wounded.
Boatswain: Wake him.

Boatswain: He slipped in the bilge water, Captain, and fell under the rigger. His hand, I… I don’t know if he’ll survive.
Henry Avery (Hugh Bonneville) seeing a slight cut: You’re a dead man, McGrath. {checks for the black spot on his palm}. Same as all the others. {hears singing} She’s here.
Boatswain: Oh, save all our souls.
McGrath (Carl McCrystal): We’ve got to escape.
Boatswain: We can’t go out there. McGrath, don’t listen for gods sake. The Siren is a calling’!

Captain Avery: Same as all the others. No sign of a struggle, no bones or blood.
Boatswain: We’re [?] by every single one of us stuck on the ocean, waiting.
Captain Avery: Until the wind changes. {banging sounds} What’s that?
Boatswain: It’s the creature, it’s returned. {the hatch swings open to reveal…}
The Doctor: Yo ho ho! Or does nobody actually say that?

Captain Avery: We made no signal.
The Doctor: Our sensors picked you up. “Ship in distress”.
Captain Avery: Sensors?
The Doctor: Yes. Okay! Problem word, seventeenth century. My ship automatically… noticed-ish that your ship was having some bother.
Captain Avery: That big blue crate?
Boatswain: That is more magic, Captain Avery. They’re spirits. How else would they have found their way below decks.
The Doctor: Well… I want to say multi-dimensional engineering, but since you had a problem with sensors I won’t go there. Look. I’m the Doctor. This is Amy. Rory. We’re sailors! Same as you. Rawrgh! Except for the gun thing. And the beardiness.
Captain Avery: You’re stowaways. Only explanation. Eight days we’ve been stranded here. Becalmed. You must have stowed away before we sailed.
Boatswain: And what do we do with them?
Captain Avery: Oh, I think they deserve our hospitality.

The Doctor: I suppose laughing like that is in the job description. “Can you do the laugh? Check. Grab yourself a parrot. Welcome aboard!”.
Captain Avery: Stocks are low. Only one barrel of water remains. We don’t need three more empty bellies to fill. {to the boatswain} Take the doxy below, to the galley. Set her to work. She won’t need much feeding.

Rory: Ah, Doctor, what’s happening to me?
Captain Avery: She can smell the blood on your skin. She’s marked you for death.
Rory: She?
Captain Avery: A demon, out there in the ocean.

Burly Bearded Guy: Leave the cursed one, Captain. The creature can have him.
Rory: Yes. Please.
Captain Avery: We don’t want a siren coming after us.

Captain Avery: I give the orders.
The Doctor: Ah. Worried ’cause I’m wearing a hat now?

Boatswain: Who is he?
The Doctor: What, he’s not one of the crew?
Captain Avery: No. He’s my son.

Toby Avery (Oscar Lloyd): She told me all about you. How you were a captain in the Navy. An honourable man, she said. How I’d be proud to know you. I’ve come to join your crew.
Captain Avery: I don’t want you here.
Toby: You can’t send me back. It’s too late. We’re a hundred miles from home.
Captain Avery: It’s dangerous here. There is a monster aboard. She leaves a mark on men’s skin.
Toby: The black spot?

Amy: What’s going on?
Boatswain: We’re not staying here to mollycoddle the boy. The Captain’s gone soft, it’s time to leave.

Captain Avery: Wheel?
The Doctor: Atom accelerator.
Captain Avery: It steers the thing.
The Doctor: No! Sort of. Yes.
Captain Avery: Wheel. Telescope. Astrolabe. Compass. A ship’s a ship.

Boatswain: Honor-bound? Do you know what kind of ship this is? Do you know what your father does?
Amy: Don’t listen to him, Toby.
Boatswain: We sail under the black flag. The Jolly Roger.
Toby: Liar! He’s not a wicked pirate!
Boatswain: Oh you think so? I’ve seen your father gun down a thousand innocent men.

The Doctor: This is how the professionals do it! {nothing} It’s stuck. Not responding.
Captain Avery: Becalmed?
The Doctor: Mm hm. Yeah. Apparently. That’s new. You had to gloat, didn’t you!
Captain Avery: I’m not gloating.
The Doctor: I saw that look just now. “Ha ha. His ship is rubbish.”
Captain Avery: True.

Toby: One more step and I’ll use this, you blaggard.
Boatswain: You don’t know how to fight with a cutlass, boy.
Toby: Don’t need to, do I? {he cuts him}

The Doctor: Okay. Okay. Oh, oh… kay. TARDIS runs off on its own. That’s a bit of a new one. Bang goes our only hope of getting them out of here.
Captain Avery: Not much of a captain without a ship, are you?

Captain Avery: Mulligan. What are you doing? This is mutiny.
Mulligan: She doesn’t want me. She only wants Toby. And that squirrely-looking fellow.
The Doctor: He’s got the last of the supplies. We should go after him.
Captain Avery: Never mind the damn supplies. What about my treasure.

The Doctor: I was wrong. Please ignore all my theories up to this point.
Captain Avery: What, again?
The Doctor: We’re all in danger. The water’s not how she’s getting in. When we were down in the hold, think what happened?. You, me, Amy, Rory, leeches.
Captain Avery: She sprang from the water.
The Doctor: It’s only when it grew still. Still water! Nature’s mirror.
Captain Avery: So. You mean—
The Doctor: Yeah, it’s not water. Reflection.

The Doctor: The Siren legend, the curse.
Captain Avery: You said curses weren’t real.
The Doctor: Folklore springs from truth. She attacks ships filled with treasure. Where else would she get a perfect reflection?
Captain Avery: Polished metal.

The Doctor: Yes yes, I know. Very bad luck to break it. But look at it this way: there’s a stroppy, homicidal mermaid trying to kill all of us.
Captain Avery: How much worse can things get.

Captain Avery: No! No! This the the treasure of the Mughal of India.
The Doctor: Oh good, for a moment there I thought it was yours.

Captain Avery: I’m sorry about your mother. You miss her a lot.
Toby: Three years. Not a word from you.
Captain Avery: Toby—
Toby: You promised her. You promised you’d come home. And she believed you would. Right up until the day she died.

Toby: What made you do it? What made you turn pirate?
Captain Avery: Get some sleep now.

Eye Patch Lady: It’s fine. You’re doing fine. Just stay calm.

The Doctor: How’d you end up here? Wandering the oceans with a band of rogues.
Captain Avery: I’ve set my course now. Nothing I can do to alter it.
The Doctor: People stared at it for centuries and never knew. Things can suddenly change. When you least expect it.

Captain Avery: Heave ho, you bilge rats!
Rory: Rats was all I could hear.

The Doctor: We have to send this ship back into space. I mean imagine if the Siren got ashore. She would try to process every injured human.
Captain Avery: What about Toby?
The Doctor: Sorry. Typhoid fever. Once he returns it’s only a matter of time.
Captain Avery: What if I stay with him? Here? The Siren will look after him. I can’t go back to England. What home does he have now if not with me?
The Doctor: You think you can sail this thing?
Captain Avery: Just point me to the atom accelerator.

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The Doctor’s Wife

Idris (Suranne Jones): Will it be me, Uncle?
Uncle: Yeah, it’s gonna be you. I only wish I could go in your place, Idris. Nah I don’t, ’cause it’s really gonna hurt. {an Ood with yellow glowing eyes comes up behind her}.
Idris: It’s starting. What will happen?
Auntie: Oh! Um, Nephew will drain your mind and your soul from your body and leave your body empty.
Idris: I’m scared!
Aunt: Oh, I expect so, dear. But soon you’ll have a new soul. There’ll be a Time Lord comin’.

Idris: Hey! Hey! You’re my thief!
Auntie: She’s dangerous!
Guard yourselves!
Idris: Look at you! Goodbye!
No. Not goodbye. What’s the other one? {she kisses him}
Uncle: Watch out. Careful. Keep back from her.

Uncle: Welcome strangers. Lovely. Sorry about the mad person.
The Doctor: Why am I a thief? What have I stolen?
Idris: Me. Are you going to steal me. You have stolen me. You are stealing me. Oh! Tenses are difficult, aren’t they?
Auntie: Oh. Oh we are sorry, my dove. She’s off her head.

Auntie: They call me Auntie.
Uncle: I’m Uncle. I’m everybody’s uncle. Just keep back from this one. She bites!
Idris: Do I? Excellent! {She bites him} Biting’s excellent! It’s like kissing. Only there’s a winner.
Uncle: Oh, sorry. She’s doolally.
Idris: No, I’m not doolally. I’m mmmm. I’m mmm…. It’s on the tip of my tongue. I’ve just had a new idea about kissing. Come here, you!
Auntie: Idris! No!
Idris: Oh, but now you’re angry. No, you’re not. You will be angry. The little boxes will make you angry.
The Doctor: Sorry? Little what? Boxes?
Idris: Your chin is hilarious!

Idris: It means “the smell of dust after rain.”
Rory: What does?
Idris: Petrichor.
Rory: But I didn’t ask.
Idris: Not yet. But you will.

Auntie: No, Idris. I think you should have a rest.
Idris: Rest! Yes yes. Good idea. I’ll just… see if there’s an off switch. {she collapses)
Uncle: Is that it? She’s dead now. So sad.
Rory: She’s still breathing.
Uncle: Nephew, take Idris somewhere she cannot bite people, hm?

If you are receiving this message, please help me. Send a signal to the High Council of the Time Lords of Gallifrey. Tell them that I am still alive! I don’t know where I am, I’m— […] planet.

Idris: I’m— I’m—. Big word. Sad word. Why is that word so sad? No. Will be sad. Will be sad.

The Doctor: So you’re like a… sea urchin. Hard on the surface—that’s the planet we’re walking on. Big squashy ugly thing inside. That’s you.
The House: That is correct, Time Lord.
The Doctor: Ah! So you’ve met Time Lords before.
The House: Many travellers come through the rift. Like Auntie and Uncle and Nephew. I repair them when they break.
The Doctor: So there are Time Lords here then.
The House: Not anymore. But there have been many TARDISs on my back in days gone by.
The Doctor: Ah. Well there won’t be anymore after us. Last Time Lord. Last TARDIS.
The House: A pity. Your people were so kind. Be here in safety, Doctor. Rest. Feed, if you will.

Idris: What was that? Do fish have fingers? Like a nine-year-old trying to rebuild a motorbike. What am I saying? Why am I saying that? Thief? Where’s my thief? Thief!

The Doctor: How many Time Lords have you lured here the way you lured me? And what happened to them all?
Auntie: House, House is kind and he is wise.
The Doctor: “House repairs you when you break.” Yes I know! But how does he mend you? You’ve got the eyes of a twenty-year-old.
Uncle: Oh, thank you.
The Doctor: No, no. I mean it literally. Your eyes are thirty years younger than the rest of you. Your ears don’t match. Your right arm is two inches longer than your left. And how’s your dancing? ‘Cause you’ve got two left feet. Patchwork people. You’ve been repaired and patched up so often I doubt there’s anything left of what used to be you.

The Doctor: I had an umbrella like you once.
Auntie: Oh. No. It’s been a great arm for me, this.
The Doctor: The Corsair.
Auntie: He was a strapping big bloke, wasn’t he Uncle?
Uncle: Big fellah.
Auntie: I got the arm and Uncle got the spine and the kidneys.

The Doctor: How did you know about the boxes? You said they’d make me angry. How did you know?
Idris: Ah. It’s my thief.
The Doctor: Who are you?
Idris: Hm. It’s about time.

The Doctor: I don’t understand. Who are you?
Idris: Do you really not know me? Just because they put me in here?
The Doctor: They said you were dangerous.
Idris: Not the cage, stupid. In here. They put me in here. I’m the… Oh, what do you call me? We travel. I go {she makes the TARDIS sound}.
The Doctor: The TARDIS?
Idris: Time and Relative Dimension in Space. Yes that’s it. Names are funny. It’s me. I’m the TARDIS.
The Doctor: No you’re not! You’re a bitey mad lady. The TARDIS is up-and-downy stuff in a big blue box.
Idris: Yes, that’s me. A type 40 TARDIS. I was already a museum piece when you were young. And the first time you touched my console, you said—
The Doctor: I said you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever known.
Idris: Then you stole me. And I stole you.
The Doctor: I borrowed you.
Idris: Borrowing implies the eventual intention to return the thing that was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?
The Doctor: You’re the TARDIS.
Idris: Yes.
The Doctor: My TARDIS?
Idris: My Doctor. Oh! We have now reached the point in the conversation where you open the lock. {he opens the lock}

Idris: Are all people like this?
The Doctor: Like what?
Idris: So much bigger on the inside. I’m— Oh, what is that word? It’s so big. And so complicated. And so sad.

The Doctor: But why? Why pull the living soul from a TARDIS and pop it in a tiny human head? What does it want you for?
Idris: Oh, it doesn’t want me.
The Doctor: How do you know?
Idris: House eats TARDISs.
The Doctor: House what? What do you mean?
Idris: I don’t know, something I heard you say.
The Doctor: When?
Idris: In the future.
The Doctor: House eats TARDISs?
Idris: Oh, there you go. What are fish fingers?
The Doctor: When do I say that?
Idris: Any second.
The Doctor: Of course! House feeds on rift energy and TARDISs are bursting with it. And not raw. Lovely and cooked. Processed food. Mmmm. Fish fingers.
Idris: Do fish have fingers?
The Doctor: But you can’t eat a TARDIS. It would destroy you, unless. Unless.
Idris: Unless. You deleted the TARDIS matrix first.
The Doctor: So it deleted you?
Idris: But House just can’t delete a TARDIS consciousness. That would blow a hole in the Universe. So he pulls out the matrix, sticks it into a living receptacle, and then it feeds off the remaining [Artron] energy. Ah! You were about to say all that. I don’t suppose you have to now.

Rory: Listen. Whatever happens at least we’re together. And we’re in the TARDIS, so we’re safe.
The House: You’re half-right. I mean, you are in the TARDIS. What a great adventure. I should have done this half-a-million years ago. So. Amy. Rory. Why shouldn’t I just kill you now?

Auntie: Well we’re dying, my love. It’s time for Auntie and Uncle to pop off.
Uncle: I’m against it.
Auntie: It’s your fault, isn’t it, Sweets? ‘Cause you told House it was the last TARDIS. House can’t feed on them if there’s none more coming, can he?
Uncle: So now he’s off to your universe to find more TARDISs.
The Doctor: It won’t.
Auntie: Oh it’ll think of something. {she collapses}
Uncle: Actually, I feel fine. {he collapses}

Idris: We need to go to where we landed, Doctor. Quickly.
The Doctor: Why?
Idris: ‘Cause we are there in three minutes. We need to go now!

Idris: Roughly how long do these bodies last?
The Doctor: You’re dying.
Idris: Yes, of course I’m dying. I don’t belong in a flesh body. I could blow the casing in no time. No. Stop. Don’t get emotional. That’s what the orange girl says.

The Doctor: Oo. Sorry. Do you have a name?
Idris: Seven hundred years, finally he asks.
The Doctor: And what do I call you?
Idris: I think you call me… Sexy.
The Doctor: Only when we’re alone.
Idris: We are alone.
The Doctor: Oh. Come on then, Sexy.

The Doctor: Valley of half-eaten TARDISs. You thinking what I’m thinking?
Idris: I’m thinking all of my sisters are dead. That they were devoured. And that we are looking at their corpses.
The Doctor: Ah. Sorry, no. I wasn’t thinking that.
Idris: No. You were thinking you could build a working TARDIS console out of broken remnants of a hundred different models. And you don’t care that it’s impossible?
The Doctor: It’s not impossible as long as we’re alive. Rory and Amy need me. So yeah, we’re gonna build a TARDIS.

Idris: You’re like a nine-year-old trying to rebuild a motorbike in his bedroom. And you never read the instructions.
The Doctor: I always read the instructions.
Idris: There’s a sign on my front door. You have been walking past it for seven hundred years. What does it say?
The Doctor: That’s not instructions!
Idris: There’s an instruction at the bottom. What does it say?
The Doctor: “Pull to open.”
Idris: Yes, and what do you do?
The Doctor: I push!
Idris: Every single time. Seven hundred years. Police box doors open out the way.
The Doctor: I think I have earned the right to open my front doors anyway I want.
Idris: Your front doors? Have you any idea how childish that sounds?
The Doctor: Oh. You are not my mother.
Idris: And you are not my child.

The Doctor: You know, since we’re talking with mouths—not really an opportunity that comes along very often—I just want to say, you know you have never been very reliable.
Idris: And you have?
The Doctor: You didn’t always take me where I wanted to go.
Idris: No, but I always took you where you needed to go.
The Doctor: You did.

The Doctor: Look at us! Talking! wouldn’t it be amazing if we could always talk, even when you’re stuck inside the box?
Idris: But you know I’m not constructed that way. I exist across all space and time and you talk and run around and bring home strays!

The Doctor: You okay?
Idris: One of the kidneys has already failed. It doesn’t matter. We need to finishing assembling the console.
The Doctor: Using a console without a proper shell. Whew. It’s not going to be safe.
Idris: This body has about eighteen minutes left to live. The universe we’re in will reach absolute zero in three hours. Safe is relative.

Idris: Do you ever wonder why I chose you all those years ago?
The Doctor: I chose you. You were unlocked.
Idris: Of course I was. I wanted to see the Universe so I stole a Time Lord and I ran away. And you were the only one mad enough.

The Doctor: I’ve got nothing.
Idris: Oh my beautiful idiot. You have what you’ve always had. You’ve got me.

The Doctor: Can you get a message to Amy? The telepathic circuits are online.
Idris: Which one’s Amy? The pretty one?

Idris: Hello Pretty!
Rory: What the hell is that?

The Doctor: You’re doing it, you sexy thing!
Idris: See, you do call me that. Is it my name?
The Doctor: You bet it’s your name!

The House: I had hoped you two could join Nephew as my servants. But you two are nothing but trouble. Nephew. Kill them.

The Doctor: Hey. Hang in there, Old Girl. Not long now. It’ll be over soon.
Idris: I always liked it when you called me Old Girl.

The House: Fear me. I’ve killed hundreds of Time Lords.
The Doctor: Fear me. I’ve killed all of them.

The Doctor: You’ve forced the TARDIS into a body so she’d burn out safely, a very long way away from this control room. A flesh body can’t hold the TARDIS matrix and live. Look at her body, House.
The House: And you think I should mourn her?
The Doctor: No. I think you should be very very careful about what you let back into this control room. You took her from her home. And now she’s back in her box again. And she’s free.
The House: No! Doctor! Stop this! Stop this now!
The Doctor: Look at my girl. Look at her go. Bigger on the inside! See, House. That’s your problem. Size of a planet but inside you are just so small.
The House: Make it stop.
The Doctor: Finish him off, girl.

Idris: Doctor. Are you there? It’s so very dark in here.
The Doctor: I’m here. Hey.
Idris: I’ve been looking for a word. A big, complicated word, but so sad. I found it now.
The Doctor: What word?
Idris: “Alive.” I’m alive.
The Doctor: Alive isn’t sad.
Idris: It’s sad when it’s over. I’ll always be here. But this is when we talked. And now even that has come to an end.

Idris: There’s something I didn’t get to say to you.
The Doctor: Goodbye.
Idris: No. I just wanted to say, Hello. Hello Doctor. It’s so very very nice to meet you.
The Doctor: Please. I don’t want you to.
Idris: I love you.

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The Rebel Flesh

Jimmy (Mark Bonnar): You know the drill, people. Acid visors down and locked.

Jennifer (Sarah Smart): Reading of 9.7.
Jimmy: So it’s a bit low for unrefined. How’s the average?
Jennifer: The acid potency stats have definitely dropped below the mean during the last quarter.
Buzzer (Marshall Lancaster): Prettier then a computer, isn’t she?
Jennifer: Give over, Buzz! {she knocks him into the vat} Buzzer!
Jimmy: Great. Nice going, Twinkle Toes.
Jennifer: I shouldn’t have swung it. I’m sorry, Buzz. My bad.
Buzzer: No, you’re alright. Jimmy.
Jimmy: Well no point carrying you back legless. Sorry Buzzer. You’re dead.
Buzzer: This is a right pain in the [ass]. Heart’s gone now.
Jimmy: Well we best get off. Gotta write this one up for the boss. Those suits cost a bond. I miss my boy’s birthday filling out forms, I’ll kill you again.

Buzzer: Just remember, when you’re doing your report, it wasn’t my fault. She took a swing at me.
Jennifer: I never touched it. You’ve got two left feet, Buzzer.
Buzzer: I haven’t got two left feet. Already arms. Neck. Head. The chin. This body costs money, luv.
Jimmy: Not as much as that acid suit.
Buzzer: Oh lighten up. It’s not like anyone was hurt.

Cleaves (Raquel Cassidy): This is an alpha-grade industrial facility. Unless you work for the military or for {?} you are in big trouble.
The Doctor: Actually. You’re in big trouble.
Cleaves: Meteorological department? Since when?
The Doctor: Since you were hit by a solar wave.
Cleaves: Which we survived.
The Doctor: Just, by the look of it. And there’s a bigger one on the way.
Cleaves: Which we’ll also survive.

Cleaves: Alright, Weatherman, your I.D. checks out. If there’s another solar storm, what are you going to do about it? Hand out sun block?
The Doctor: I need to see your critical systems.
Cleaves: Which one?
The Doctor: You know which one.

The Doctor: And there you are.
Cleaves: Meet the government’s worst kept secret. The Flesh. It’s fully programmable matter. In fact it’s even learning to replicate itself. At the cellular level.
Amy: Right. Brilliant. Lost.
Cleaves: Okay. Once a reading’s been taken we can manipulate its molecular structure into anything. Replicate a living organism down to the hairs in its chinny chin chin. Even clothes. And everything’s identical. Eyes, voice—
The Doctor: Mind. Soul.
Cleaves: Don’t be fooled, Doctor. It acts like life but it still needs to be controlled by us.

The Doctor: You said it could grow. Only living things grow.
Cleaves: Moss grows. It’s no more than that. This acid is so dangerous, we were losing a worker every week. So now we mine the acid using these doppelgangers. Or ‘gangers. If these bodies get burned or fall in the acid—
Buzzer: Then who the hell cares. Right, Jen.
Jennifer: Nerve endings automatically cut off. Like airbags being discharged. So we wake up, get a new ‘ganger.
Jimmy: It’s weird. But you get used to it.

The Doctor: Well I can see why you keep it in the church. Miracle of life.
Buzzer: No need to get poncey. It’s just gunge.

Jimmy: Boss, maybe if the storm’s bad we should get underground. The factory’s seen better days. The acid pipes might not withstand another hit.
Cleaves: We have two new tons of acid to pump out. We fall behind, we stay another rotation. Anyone want that?

The Doctor: Please. You’re making a massive mistake here. You’re right at the crossroads. Only don’t turn the wrong way. If you don’t—if you don’t—prepare for this storm you are all in terrible danger. Understand?
Cleaves: My factory. My rules.

Cleaves: Doctor. I abandoned my team.
The Doctor: Then let’s go get them.

Amy: Doctor, these are all real people. So where are their ‘gangers?
Cleaves: Don’t worry. When the link shuts down the ‘gangers return to puerile flesh. Now, the storm’s left us with acid leaks all over so we need to contact the mainland. They can have a rescue shuttle out here in no time.

Jimmy: That’s my record. Who’s playing my record?
The Doctor: Your ‘gangers. They’ve gone walkabout.
Cleaves: No. It’s impossible. They’re not active. Cars don’t fly themselves, cranes don’t lift themselves and ‘gangers don’t…

Jimmy: This is just like the Isle of Sheppey.
The Doctor: It seems the storm has animated your ‘gangers.
Cleaves: They’ve ransacked everything.
The Doctor: Not ransacked. Searched.
Cleaves: Through our stuff!
The Doctor: Their stuff.
Jimmy: Searching for what?
The Doctor: Confirmation. They need to know their memories are real.
Buzzer: Oh, so they’ve got flamin’ memories now?
The Doctor: They’ll feel compelled to connect to their lives.
Cleaves: Their stolen lives.
The Doctor: No, Cleaves. You gave them this. You put in your personalities, emotions, traits, memories, secrets, everything. You gave them your lives. Human lives. Ah-mazing. You surprised they walked off with them?
Buzzer: I’ll say it again, Isle of Sheppey.

Jimmy: Even if this has actually happened, they can’t remain stable without us plugged into them. Can they, boss?
Cleaves: Guess we’ll find out.

Jimmy: We need to protect ourselves.
The Doctor: Are you a violent man, Jimmy?
Jimmy: No.
The Doctor: Then why would the other Jimmy be?

Cleaves: Tell me you can eat at a time like this, Doctor.
The Doctor: You told me that we were out cold for a few minutes, Cleaves. When in fact it was an hour.
Cleaves: Sorry. I just assumed—
The Doctor: Well it’s not your fault. Like I said, “they’re disorientated.”

Cleaves: Why didn’t I feel that?
The Doctor: You will. You’ll stabilize.
Cleaves: No. Stop it. You’re playing stupid games. Stop it!

Jimmy: Amy, I wouldn’t—
Amy: Nor would I, but what can you do, eh?

Ganger Jen: My name is Jennifer Lucas. I’m not a factory part. I had toast for my breakfast. I wrote a letter to my mum. And then you arrived. I noticed your eyes right off.
Rory: Did you?
Ganger Jen: Nice eyes. Kind.
Rory: Where’s the real Jennifer?
Ganger Jen: I am Jennifer Lucas. I remember everything that happened in her entire life. Every birthday. Every childhood illness. I feel everything she has ever felt and more. I’m not a monster. I am me! Me! Me! Me! Why did they do this to us? Help me, Rory. Help me.

Dicken (Leon Vickers): Did you see the boss’ eyes back there in the hold?
Buzzer: I’ve never seen a ‘ganger look at me like that.
Dicken: I don’t know what they are, but they ain’t us.

Ganger Cleaves: We have the advantage now. We have the acid suits. We can move freely. Strike at will.

Rory: Are you sure you’re feeling better? No more super-elastic punches?
Ganger Jen: I’m different now. Stronger.
Rory: The Doctor won’t hurt you. He wants to help, Jennifer. Okay?
Ganger Jen: You used my name. You used my name. Thank you! Amy’s a lucky girl.
Rory: Yeah, she is.

Jimmy: This is…
Ganger Jimmy: You’re telling me.

Cleaves: That’s it, Doctor. Befriend them. Team up with them why don’t you. Make a football team, how about that? You would have us all together singing campfire songs.

The Doctor: The flesh was never merely moss. These are not copies. The storm has hardwired them. They are becoming people.
Jimmy: With souls.
Dicken: Rubbish. {he sneezes}
Ganger Dicken: Bless you.
The Doctor: Well, we were all jelly once. Little jelly eggs, sitting in goo.
Amy: Yeah, thanks. Too much information.

The Doctor: Now the TARDIS is trapped in an acid pool. Once I can reach her I can get you all off this island. Humans and ‘gangers. Eh? How does that sound?
Jimmy: I can make it home for Adam’s birthday.
Ganger Jimmy: What about me? He’s my son too.
Jimmy: You? You really think that?
Ganger Jimmy: I feel it.
Jimmy: Oh, so you were there when he was born, yeah?
Ganger Jimmy: Yeah. I drank about eight pints of tea. And they told me I had a wee boy, I just burst out laughing. I’ve no idea why.

Cleaves: This circus has gone on long enough!
Ganger Cleaves: Oh great. You see that is just so typically me.

Ganger Cleaves: We always have to take charge, don’t we Miranda? Even when we don’t really know what the hell is going on.

The Doctor: Look at what you’ve done, Cleaves.
Cleaves: If it’s war then it’s war. You don’t get it, Doctor. How can you? It’s us and them now. Us. And them.
Dicken: Us and them.
Jimmy: Us and them.

Ganger Jen: I’ll take care of the spare one running around out there.

Jimmy: This is insane. We’re fighting ourselves.

View all quotes from this episode

The Almost People

Buzzer: I think I liked it better when they were being noisy.

The Doctor: Cybermats.
The Doctor Ganger: Do we have time for this?
The Doctor: We make time. I’d like more proof that you’re me. Cybermats.
The Doctor Ganger: Created by the Cybermen. They kill by feeding off brainwaves.

The Doctor Ganger: Rory and Amy, they may not trust both of us.
The Doctor: You’re thinking what I’m thinking—
The Doctor Ganger: Inevitably.
The Doctor: See, I’m glad we’re on the same—
The Doctor Ganger: Wavelength. See. Great minds!
The Doctor: Exactly. So. What’s the plan?
The Doctor Ganger: Save them all, humans and gangers.
The Doctor: Between us, that sounds wonderful.
The Doctor Ganger: Is that what you were thinking?
The Doctor: Yes. It’s just so inspiring to hear me say it.
The Doctor Ganger: I know!

Both: Hello! Sorry.
The Doctor Ganger: But we had to establish a few—
The Doctor: Ground rules. Formulate a protocol.
The Doctor Ganger: Protocol! Don’t be posh.
The Doctor: I mean protocol between us otherwise it gets horribly embarrassing. And potentially confusing.
Amy: Okay. Well I’m glad you solved the problem of confusing.
The Doctor Ganger: That’s sarcasm.
The Doctor: She’s very good at sarcasm.

The Doctor: We have to get you outside. And the ‘gangers too.
Cleaves: Sorry, would you like a moment from the last meeting. They are trying to kill us!
The Doctor: They’re scared!

Ganger Jen: I tried to block the memories, but now I know I must remember. It’s the eyes. The eyes are the last to go.
Ganger Jim: What are you talking about?
Ganger Jen: When they destroy us, the eyes are the last things to melt. And there’s one question in those eyes. Why. Why should we suffer for the sake of human beings?

Ganger Dicken: I heard in India there’s over ten million ‘gangers.
Ganger Jen: We can reach out. Inspire them. To rise up.
Ganger Cleaves: Revolution? Look. I just want to be left to live in peace, Jen.
Ganger Jen: They will melt you. Have you become so human that you’ve forgotten the truth? Don’t you remember all the times you were decommissioned? Or should I say executed?
Ganger Cleaves: No. We don’t remember.
Ganger Jen: Well I do. It’s us or them.
Ganger Jim: She’s right.
Ganger Jen: I have a plan. And it will destroy them all.

Amy: How can you both be real?
The Doctor Ganger: Well. Because. We are. I’m the Doctor.
The Doctor: Yeah! And so am I. We both contain the knowledge of over nine hundred years of memory and experience. We both wear the same bow tie which is cool.
The Doctor Ganger: Bow ties are—
The Doctor: and always will be.
Amy: But how did the Flesh read you? Because you weren’t linked up to it.
The Doctor: Well it must have been after I examined it. Thus a new genuine Doctor was created.
The Doctor Ganger: Ta da!

The Doctor Ganger: Interesting. You definitely feel more affection for him than me.
Amy: No. No, I— Look, you’re fine and everything, but he’s “The Doctor”. No offense. Being almost the Doctor is pretty darn impressive.
The Doctor Ganger: Being almost the Doctor is like being no Doctor at all.
Amy: Don’t overreact!
The Doctor Ganger: You might as well call me Smith.
Amy: Smith?
The Doctor Ganger: John Smith!

Ganger Cleaves: Oof. See how smart I am. That’s why I’m paid the big bucks.

Ganger Cleaves: Jen’s right. We’ll have to fight if we want to survive.

The Doctor Ganger: I’m beginning to understand what it’s been through, what it needs.
Amy: What you want. You are it.
The Doctor Ganger: It’s much more powerful than we thought. The Flesh can grow, correct?
Cleaves: Its cells can divide.
The Doctor Ganger: Well now it wants to do that at will. It wants revenge. It’s in pain, angry. It wants revenge.
Amy: That’s right. You’re not the Doctor. You can’t ever be. You’re just a copy.

Cleaves: You can’t let him go! Are you crazy?
The Doctor: Am I crazy, Doctor?
The Doctor Ganger: Well you did once plumb your brain into the core of an entire planet just to halt its orbit and win a bet.

Ganger Dicken: You don’t look good.
Ganger Cleaves: Monsters never do. I’m fine. I remember medics doing tests.

Cleaves: Waiting for results. Let it go.
The Doctor: It’s a very deep parietal clot.
Cleaves: How can you possibly—? Inoperable?
The Doctor: On Earth, yes.
Cleaves: Well seeing as Earth’s all that’s on… offer. Hm. I’m no healthy spring chicken and you’re no weatherman. Right?

Buzzer: You killed her. You killed our Jen.
Ganger Jen: And I’m stronger, Buzz. I can grow.

The Doctor Ganger: Got anything for a sore head?
Ganger Cleaves: This is how they’ll always treat us. You see now. After all, you’re one of us. Doctor.
The Doctor Ganger: Call me Smith. John Smith.

Ganger Cleaves: We have to be free.
Cleaves: I’m sorry too, Miranda. Of all the humans in all the world, you had to pick the one with the clot! But hey, them’s the breaks. Welcome to the human race.

Ganger Jen: Once we get to the mainland the real battle begins. The humans won’t stand a chance. You’re one of us, Doctor. Join the revolution.

The Doctor Ganger: Ah! That’ll be the phone. Somebody, get the phone. Jimmy, get the phone. No. Fine. I’ll get the phone. Stay put.

The Doctor Ganger: Hello! Adam! I’m the Doctor. Well. Other Doctor… Smith. It’s complicated. And boring. Anyway, who cares! It’s your birthday!
Adam: Yay!
The Doctor Ganger: Yay! Now, have you been getting up very early and jumping on the bed?
Adam: Yes, really high.
The Doctor Ganger: I expect chocolate for breakfast. If you don’t feel sick by mid-morning you’re not doing it right. Now. I think you want to speak to Dad.

Ganger Jen: You’ve tricked him into an act of weakness, Doctor.
The Doctor Ganger: No. I’ve helped him into an act of humanity. Anyone else like the sound of that? “Act of humanity”.

Ganger Cleaves: Dicken, drain the acid well in crypt one.
Ganger Jen: Don’t you dare!
Ganger Cleaves: I’ve had it with this. What’s the point in this ridiculous war? Look at you, Jen. You’re a sweet kid. Look at you now. The stuff of nightmares. I don’t want my world populated by monsters.

Ganger Jen: You can’t stop the factory from melting down, boss. I’ll take revenge on humanity with or without you.
The Doctor Ganger: It doesn’t have to be about revenge. It can be so much better than that.

The Doctor: There’s nothing we can do. The acid’s reached his heart.
Ganger Jim: Hang in there, mate.
Jim: I’m quite handsome from this angle.
Ganger Jim: I’m sorry. I’m the fake. I don’t deserve to be his real dad.
Jim: Shut up.
Ganger Jim: What do you want me to do? Anything. Just say it.
Jim: The way things are mate, it’s up to you now. Be a dad. You remember how.
The Doctor: Jimmy Weeks. You’re a dad.

The Doctor Ganger: Here she comes. {The TARDIS drops through the ceiling}
The Doctor: Oh! She does like to make an entrance.

The Doctor Ganger: Amy we swapped shoes.
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor.
The Doctor Ganger: And I’m the Flesh.
Amy: You can’t be. You’re the real him.
The Doctor Ganger: No I’m not, and I haven’t been all along.
The Doctor: I’m the original Doctor, Amy. We had to know we if were treated the same. It was important—vital—to learn about the Flesh. And we could only do that through your eyes.

The Doctor Ganger: Push, Amy. But only when she tells you to.

The Doctor Ganger: Well. My death arrives, I suppose.
The Doctor: But this one we’re not invited to.
The Doctor Ganger: What?
The Doctor: Nothing. Your molecular memory can survive this, you know. It may not be the end. {He tosses him his screwdriver.}
The Doctor Ganger: Well if I turn up to nick all your biscuits then you’ll know you were right, won’t you.

The Doctor Ganger: This is not the time for grand gestures.
Ganger Cleaves: Who’s the king of grand gestures. This is my factory. I’m not going anywhere.
The Doctor Ganger: Foreman Miranda Cleaves! Marvelous. Beware of imitations.

The Doctor Ganger: This will dissolve her.
Ganger Cleaves: And us to.
The Doctor Ganger: There may be a way out of this.
Ganger Cleaves: From being vaporized? How?
The Doctor Ganger: Don’t know. Let’s find out.

The Doctor Ganger: Geronimo!

Eye Patch Lady: Well dear. You’re ready to pop, aren’t you? Little one’s on its way. Here it comes. Push…

View all quotes from this episode

A Good Man Goes to War

Thin One (Dan Johnston): A whole Cyber Legion though. He just blew them all up. To make a point.
Fat One (Charlie Baker): We’re being paid to fight him, not praise him. Praising costs way more.

Fat One: Digger says he once chased the Atraxi off the planet. And then called them back for a scolding!
Thin One: Fight him, not praise him.

Overhead: Reminder: Do not interact with Headless Monks without divine permission.

Thin One: Why are they called Headless Monks? They can’t really be headless.
Lorna Bucket (Christina Chong): They believe the domain of faith is the heart. And the domain of doubt is the head. They follow their hearts, that’s all.
Thin One: You’re Lorna Bucket, aren’t you?
Lorna: Yeah.
Thin One: Hello. I’m the Thin One. This is my husband. He’s the Fat One.
Lorna: Don’t you have names?
Fat One: We’re the Thin Fat Gay married Anglican Marines. Why would we need names as well?

Thin One: You’ve had an encounter, haven’t you? You’ve met him.
Lorna: I was just a kid.
Thin One: What’s he like? The Doctor?
Lorna: He said, “Run.”
Thin One: Just run?
Lorna: He said it a lot.

Overhead: Welcome Applicant, to the Order of the Headless. It is traditional for visiting armies of other faiths to offer individuals for conversion to our order. You have been selected. Are you ready to make a donation?

London, 1888 A.D.

Madame Vastra: Thank you, Parker, I won’t be needing you again tonight.
Parker: Yes, m’lady.

Jenny: You’re back early, mum. Another case cracked, I assume?
Madame Vastra: Send a telegram to Inspector Laveline of the Yard. Jack the Ripper has claimed his last victim.
Jenny: How did you find him?
Madame Vastra: Stringy. But tasty all the same. I shan’t be needing dinner.
Jenny: Congratulations, mum. However… a matter has arisen in the drawing room. It just appeared. What does it mean?
Madame Vastra: It means a very old debt is to be repaid. Pack the cases, Jenny. We’re going to need the swords.

The Battle of Zaruthstra, 4037 A.D.

Arthur: Will I be okay?
Commander Strax: Of course you will, my boy! You’ll be up and around in no time. And perhaps one day you and I shall meet on the field of battle and I will destroy you for the glory of the Sontaran Empire.
Arthur: Thanks nurse.

Commander Strax: Captain Harcourt, I hope someday to meet you in the glory of battle where I shall crush the life from your worthless human form. Try and get some rest.

Madame Kovarian (Frances Barber): You appear to be closing down, Dorium. What have you heard?
Dorium Maldovar (Simon Fisher-Baker): That you pricked the side of a mighty beast, Madame Kovarian, and entirely failed to run. I admire your courage. {He repositions the barrels aimed at his head} I should like to admire it from afar.
Madame Kovarian: We’ve been waiting a month. He’s done nothing.
Dorium: I don’t think so. There are people all over this galaxy that owe that man a debt. By now a few of them will have found a blue box waiting on their doorstep. Poor devils.
Colonel Manton (Danny Sapani): You think he’s raising an army?
Dorium: You think he isn’t? If that man is finally collecting on his debts, God help you. And God help his debtors.
Colonel Manton: Why?
Dorium: Colonel Manton. All those stories you’ve heard about him. They’re not stories, they’re true. Really. You’re not telling me you don’t know what’s coming.

Dorium: The asteroid. Where you’ve made your base. Do you know why they call it Demon’s Run?
Colonel Manton: How do you know the location of our base?
Dorium: You’re with the Headless Monks. They’re old customers of mine.
Madame Kovarian: It’s just some old saying.
Dorium: A very old saying. The oldest. “Demon’s Run. Where a good man goes to war.”

Dorium: No! No no! Please! Not me! You don’t need me! Why would you need me? I’m old! I’m fat! I’m blue! You can’t need me!

Colonel Manton: He is not the devil. He is not a god. He is not a goblin or a phantom or a trickster. The Doctor is a living, breathing man. And as I look around this room I know one thing: we’re sure as hell gonna fix that.

Lorna: Sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I’m meant to be at the thing. I brought you something. Your child’s name in the language of my people. It’s a prayer leaf. And we believe if you keep this with you, your child will always come home to you.

Colonel Manton: On this day, in this place, the Doctor will fall. The man who talks, the man who reasons, the man who lies will meet the perfect answer. Some of you have wondered why we have allied ourselves with the Headless Monks. Perhaps you should have wondered why we call them headless. It’s time you knew what these guys have sacrificed for faith. As you all know it is a level one heresy, punishable by death, to lower the hood of a Headless Monk. But by the Divine Grant of the Papal Mainframe herself, on this one and only occasion I can show you the truth. Because these guys never can be persuaded. They never can be afraid. And they can never ever be—
The Doctor: Surprised!

Madame Vastra: Go on, resist. I’m ever so hungry.
Jenny: Now dear, which button controls the lights?

Colonel Manton: The Doctor is trying to make fools of us. We are soldiers of God. We are not fools.

Madame Vastra: Colonel Manton is regaining control.
Jenny: Where’s the Doctor gone?

Commander Strax: This base is now under our command.
Colonel Manton: I have a fleet out there. If Demon’s Run goes down, there is an automatic distress call.
The Doctor: Not if we knock out your communications array. And you’ve got incoming! Danny boy to the Doctor, Danny Boy to the Doctor! Give ’em hell, Danny Boy!

Madame Kovarian: I need to get off this station now. Bring me the child!

Commander Strax: Don’t slump, it’s bad for your spine.

Madame Kovarian: Remember, the Doctor must think he’s winning. Right until the trap closes.

Madame Kovarian: I have a crew of twenty. How do expect to gain control of my ship?
Henry Avery (Hugh Bonneville):The ship is ours, m’Lady.

Madame Kovarian: The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men have too many rules.
The Doctor: Good men don’t need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.
Madame Kovarian: Give the order. Give the order, Colonel Runaway.

Madame Vastra: Demon’s Run is ours without a drop of blood spilled. My friend, you have never risen higher.

The Doctor: You’ve hacked into their software?
Dorium: I believe I sold it to them.
The Doctor: Oh! So what have we learned?
Madame Vastra: That anger is always the shortest distance to a mistake.
The Doctor: I’m sorry?
Madame Vastra: The words of an old friend. Who once found me in the London Underground attempting to avenge my sisters on perfectly innocent tunnel diggers.
The Doctor: Well, you were very cross at the time.
Madame Vastra: As you were today, old friend. Point taken, I hope.

Madame Vastra: Now I have a question. A simple one. Is Melody human?
The Doctor: Sorry? What? Of course she is! Completely human! What are you talking about?
Dorium: They’ve been scanning her since she was born. I think they found what they were looking for.
The Doctor: Human DNA?
Dorium: Look closer. Human plus. Specifically human plus Time Lord.

Lorna: The only reason I joined the Clerics was so I could meet the Doctor again.
Jenny: You wanted to meet him, so you joined an army to fight him?
Lorna: Well, how else do you meet a great warrior?
Amy: He’s not a warrior.
Lorna: Then why’s he called the Doctor?

The Doctor: But she’s human. She’s Amy and Rory’s daughter.
Madame Vastra: You’ve told me about your people. They became what they did through prolonged exposure to the Time Vortex. The Untempered Schism.
The Doctor: Over billions of years! It didn’t just happen.
Madame Vastra: So how close is she? Could she even regenerate?
The Doctor: No! No! I don’t think so.
Madame Vastra: You don’t sound so sure.
The Doctor: Because I don’t understand how this happened.
Madame Vastra: Which leads me to ask when did it happen?
The Doctor: When?!
Madame Vastra: I am trying to be delicate. I know how you can blush. {Dorium laughs} When did this baby… begin?
The Doctor: Amy/alien.
Madame Vastra: Quite.
The Doctor: Well how would I know? That’s all human and private stuff. It just sort of goes on, they don’t put up a balloon or anything!
Madame Vastra: Could the child have begun on the TARDIS, in flight in the Vortex?
The Doctor: No! No! Impossible! It’s all running about, sexy fish vampires. And blowing up stuff. And Rory wasn’t even there at the beginning. Then he was dead. Then he didn’t exist. Then he was plastic. Then I had to reboot the whole Universe—long story. So, technically, the first time they were on the TARDIS together in this version of reality was on their w…
Madame Vastra: On their what?
The Doctor: On their wedding night.

The Doctor: It doesn’t make sense. You can’t just cook yourself a Time Lord!
Madame Vastra: Of course not. But you gave them one hell of a start and they’ve been working very hard ever since.
Dorium: And yet they gave in so easily. Does this not bother anyone else?
The Doctor: Amy, she worried the baby would have a Time Head. She said that—
Madame Vastra: Only you would ignore the instincts of a mother.
Dorium: Or the instincts of a coward. This is too easy. There’s something wrong.
The Doctor: Why even do it? Even if you could get your hands on a brand new Time Lord, what for?
Madame Vastra: A weapon?
The Doctor: Why would a Time Lord be a weapon?
Madame Vastra: Well. They’ve seen you.
The Doctor: Me?
Madame Vastra: Mr. Maldovar, you’re right. This was too easy. We should get back to the others.
The Doctor: Me.

Madame Kovarian: The child then, what do you think?
The Doctor: What is she?
Madame Kovarian: Hope. Hope in this endless, bitter war.
The Doctor: War. Against who?
Madame Kovarian: Against you, Doctor.

Amy: What’s that?
Madame Vastra: Force field.
Lorna: And those are the doors. Locking.
Madame Vastra: Apparently we’re not leaving.
Rory: Is that the monks?
Dorium: Oh dear god! That’s the attack prayer!
Rory: Quick, come with me!
Madame Vastra: Commander Strax!
Commander Strax: I’m trying to seal off this area of the lighting grid.
Madame Vastra: This is where we’ll make our stand. Clear lines of sight on all approaches.

Madame Vastra: The child, at all costs! Protect the child!

The Doctor: The child is not a weapon!
Madame Kovarian: Oh give us time. She can be. She will be.
The Doctor: Except you’ve already lost her and I swear I will never let you anywhere near her again.
Madame Kovarian: Oh Doctor. Fooling you once was a joy. But fooling you twice, the same way? It’s a privilege.

Commander Strax: It’s strange. I have often dreamed of dying in combat. I am not enjoying it as much as I’d hoped.

Madame Vastra: Doctor, there’s someone who wants to speak to you. Her name is Lorna. She came to warn us.

The Doctor: Hey. Hello.
Lorna: Doctor.
The Doctor: You helped my friends. Thank you.
Lorna: I met you once. In the Gamma Forest. You don’t remember me.
The Doctor: Hey, of course I remember. I remember everyone. Hey, we ran, you and me. Didn’t we run, Lorna?

The Doctor: Who was she?
Madame Vastra: I don’t know, but she was very brave.
The Doctor: They’re always brave. They’re always brave.

View all quotes from this episode

Let’s Kill Hitler

Mels: You said he was funny. You never said he was hot.
Rory: Mels!
Amy: What are you doing here?
Mels: Following you. What do you think?
Rory: Um. Where did you get the car?
Mels: It’s mine. Ish.
Amy: Oh Mels. Not again.
Rory: You can’t keep doing this. You’re gonna end up in prison.

Mels (Nina Toussaint-White): Time travel. That’s just brilliant. Yeah. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m their best mate.
The Doctor: Then why don’t I know you? I danced with everyone at their wedding. The women were all brilliant. The men were a bit shy.
Mels: I don’t do weddings.

Mels as sirens are fast approaching: And that’s me, out of time.
Amy: Mels!
Rory: For gods sake!
Amy: What are you doing?
Mels: I need out of here now.
The Doctor: Anywhere in particular?
Mels: Well let’s see. You’ve got a time machine, I’ve got a gun. What the hell. Let’s kill Hitler.

A Long Time Ago in Leadworth…

Young Mels (Maya Glace-Green): Is he hot?
Amelia Pond (Caitlin Blackwood): No, he’s funny.
Young Mels: But how can he travel in time?
Amelia Pond: ‘Cause he’s got a time machine, stupid.

Mels: It’s all right for you. You’ve got Mr. Perfect keeping you right.
Amy: He’s not even real. Just a stupid dream when I was a kid.
Mels: I wasn’t talking about him.
Amy: What, Rory? How have I “got” Rory?
Rory: Yeah. How has she “got” me?
Amy: He’s not mine.
Rory: No. No. I’m not hers.
Mels: Come on. Seriously. It’s got to be you two. Oh cut to the song, it’s getting boring.

Rory: I’m not gay.
Amy: Yes you are.
Rory: No. No I’m not.
Amy: Of course you are. Don’t be stupid. In the whole time I’ve known you, when have you shown the slightest interest in a girl?
Mels: Penny in the air.
Amy: I’ve known you for what, ten years? I’ve seen you practically every day. Name one girl you’ve paid the slightest bit of attention to. {Rory runs out of the room}. Oh my god. Rory. {she runs after him}.
Mels: And the penny drops.

The Doctor: You shot it! You shot my TARDIS! You shot the console!
Mels: It’s your fault!
The Doctor: How is it my fault?
Mels: You said guns didn’t work in this place. You said we’re in a state of temporal grace.
The Doctor: Oh that was a clever lie, you idiot! Anyone could tell that was a clever lie!

Berlin 1938

Carter: Okay, do we like him?
Anita: Costume wants to know about the suit.
Carter: Just color and shape. Don’t need anything detachable.
Jim: Musculature good to go.
Carter: That was quick.
Jim: They’re showing off. Art department wanted to craft skin tone.
Harriet: Yes I do.
I don’t trust the sensors, I want to take a look myself.
Jim: We’re in a hurry. We’re not trying to win an award.
Harriet: Yeah, that’s what you said when you made Rasputin green.

Antibody: Welcome. You are unauthorized. Your death will now be implemented.
Carter: Harriet, have you updated your privileges?
Harriet: Yes. ‘Course I have. {to the antibody} Look. I’m staff, see? Look. Staff.
Antibody: You are authorized. Your existence will continue.

Carter: Who is he?
Anita: Herrick Zimmerman. Loyal member of the Nazi party. Guilty of category three hate crimes.
Carter: Well then. Leave him to the antibodies.

Antibody: Welcome. You are unauthorized. Your death will now be implemented. Welcome. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death. Remain calm while your life is extracted.

Robot Zimmerman: Do not call for help. This room has been soundscreened. You have been found guilty. Justice mode activating.
Jim: Hang on. This is 1938. We’re too early. We need to go later in his time stream.
Anita: Something else. We’ve got incoming.
Carter: On screen. {the TARDIS appears} What the hell is that?

Adolf Hitler (Albert Welling): Thank you. Whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life.
The Doctor: Believe me. It was an accident.

Hitler: This box, what is it?
The Doctor: It’s a police telephone box from London, England. That’s right, Adolf. The British are coming.

Hitler: He was going to kill me.
Rory: Shut up, Hitler.
The Doctor: Rory, take Hitler and put him in that cupboard over there. Now. Do it.
Rory: Right. Putting Hitler in the cupboard. Cupboard. Hitler. Hitler. Cupboard.
Hitler: But I am the Führer!
Rory: Right. In you go.

Anita: Sir, what do we do now?
Jim: Suggestion. We should go into surveillance mode.
Carter: Agreed. Let’s
faint.

Amy: Mels?
Mels: Hitler.
The Doctor: What about him?
Mels: Lousy shot. {she collapses}

Jim: Sir, that blue box. I’ve got a match. If we’re trying to bag war criminals, we’ve got the biggest one ever right under our noses. Forget Hitler. We take this one down the Justice Department will give us the rest of the year off.
Carter: You sure?
Jim: There’s no question. It’s her.

Mels: When I was little I was going to marry you.
The Doctor: Good idea. Let’s get married. You stay alive and I’ll marry you. Deal? Deal.
Mels: Shouldn’t you ask my parents’ permission?
The Doctor: As soon as you’re well I’ll get them on the phone.
Mels: Might as well do it now. Since they’re both right here. {silence} Penny in the air. Penny drops.
Rory: What the hell’s going on?
The Doctor: Back back back! Get back!
Mels: Last time I did this, I ended up a toddler… in the middle of New York.
Amy: Okay, Doctor. Explain what is happening, please.
The Doctor: Mels. Short for.
Mels: Melody.
Amy: Yeah, I named my daughter after her.
The Doctor: You named your daughter after your daughter.
Mels: Took me years to find you two. I’m so glad I did. There, you see? It all worked out in the end, didn’t it? You got to raise me after all.
Amy: You’re Melody.
Rory: But if she’s Melody, that means she’s—
Mels: Oh shut up, Dad. I’m focusing on a dress size. {she regenerates into…}

Jim: That’s her all right. Melody Pond. The woman who kills the Doctor.

Anita: Scanning him. He’s dying all right.
Jim: But he can’t be.

German Officer: What are you doing here?
River: Well. I was on my way to this gay gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled, when I suddenly thought, “Gosh. The Third Reich’s a bit rubbish. I think I’ll kill the Führer.” Who’s with me?
German Officer: Shoot her.

Carter: Okay, this time let’s do the bike too.

Jim: See? He can’t be dying.
Carter: But the Doctor is confirmed deceased. We have his records.
Jim: But he doesn’t die here. He dies in Utah by Lake Silencio on April 22, 2011.
Anita: Time can be rewritten. Remember Kennedy?
Jim: This time it can’t. It’s a confirmed fixed point. The Doctor must always die exactly then. He always has. He always will.
Carter: Then someone screwed up because he’s dying right now.

Jim: This is Justice Department vehicle 6018. You’re not guilty of anything. Welcome aboard the Teselecta.

River: I might take the age down a little. Just gradually. To freak people out.
Robot Amy: You killed the Doctor.
River: Oh yes, I know dear. You’re not going to keep on about it. Oo. Regeneration. It’s a whole new coloring to work with.
Robot Amy: You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence, an Academy of the Question. Do you accept and know this to be true?
River: Quite honestly I don’t really remember. It was all a bit of a jumble.

Carter: You said he was dying?
Anita: He is!
Jim: When you’re done here, your memories will be wiped and you’ll be able to—
Amy: Doctor?

The Doctor: Don’t you touch her! Do not harm her in any way!
Carter: Why would you care? She’s the woman who kills you.
The Doctor: I’m not dead.
Carter: You’re dying.
The Doctor: Well. At least I’m not a time-travelling, shape-shifting robot operated by miniaturized cross people, which I have got to admit, I didn’t see coming. What do you want with her?
Carter: She’s Melody Pond. According to our records, the woman who kills the Doctor.
The Doctor: And I’m the Doctor, so what’s it got to do with you?
Carter: Throughout history, many people have gone unpunished in their lifetimes. Time travel has… responsibilities.
The Doctor laughing: What? You call yourselves time travellers so you decided to punish dead people?
Carter: We don’t kill them. We extract them near the end of their established timelines.
The Doctor: And then what?
Carter: Give them hell.

The Doctor: I’d ask you who you think you are, but I think the answer is pretty obvious. So who do you think I am? The woman who killed the Doctor. It sounds like you’ve got my biography in there. I’d love a peek.
Carter: Our records are obviously sealed to the public. Foreknowledge is dangerous.
The Doctor: Yeah well, I’ll be dead in three minutes. There isn’t much foreknowledge left.
Carter: Sorry, can’t do that.

Amy: That man is my best friend. That woman is my daughter. You give him anything he wants.
Jim: If she’s family, she has privileges.

Robot Amy: Records available.
The Doctor: Question: I’m dying. Who wants me dead?
Robot Amy: The Silence.
The Doctor: What is the Silence? Why is it called that? What does it mean?
Robot Amy: The Silence is not a species. It is a religious order or movement. Their core belief is that Silence will fall when the question is asked.
The Doctor: What question?
Robot Amy: The first question. The oldest question in the universe. Hidden in plain sight.
The Doctor: Yes, but what is the question?
Robot Amy: Unknown.
The Doctor: Oh, well fat lot of use that is, ya big ging. You call yourself a records. Augh! {he convulses again} Kidneys are always the first to quit. I’ve had better you know.

Anita: Okay, he’s finished.
Amy: Oh my god.
Carter: Well then let’s do what we do. Give her hell.

Antibody: Only two life forms remain. This will be rectified.

View all quotes from this episode

Night Terrors

Claire (Emma Cunniffe): George, I won’t tell you again. Get into bed. I’m gonna be late for work. It’s just the lift, love. How many more times…
George (Jamie Oram): I don’t like it.
Claire: Well what do we do with the things we don’t like?
Both: Put them in the cupboard.
George: The thing. You have to do the thing, Mum. {she turns the light on and off four times}. Five times! It has to be five times!
George to himself: Please save me from the monsters. Please save me from the monsters.
Claire: You all right now? Come on, George. There’s nothing to be scared of.

Alex (Daniel Mays): How is he?
Claire: He’s in bed at least.
Alex: I’m worried about him. Why is he terrified all the time?
Claire: He needs help.
Alex: He’s got us.
Claire: He needs a doctor!

George to himself: Please save me from the monsters. Please save me from the monsters.

Mrs. Rossiter (Leila Hoffman): I’ve already got a new hip. I’ll be able to manage when I get the knees. I’ll be down them stairs like Sherpa Tenzing then.
The Doctor: Can I come in?
Mrs. Rossiter: Of course not! You could be anyone.
The Doctor: I could be, but I’m not. I’m the Doctor.

Mrs. Rossiter: I’m the only one who gives a monkey’s around here anymore. Shocking. You’re talking to yourself now, Elsie. They say it’s the first sign. {a bin bag moves in the background} Who moved? Come out of there! Don’t be so ruddy ‘orrible! Trying to scare an old lady to death. It’s not right. Is that you, George? I’ll tell your mum and dad. Come on, you little devil. Let’s see your face. {she gets sucked in}.

The Doctor: It’s got worse though, lately?
Alex: Yeah. We talked about getting help. You know, maybe sending him somewhere. He started getting these nervous tics. You know, funny little cough. Blinking all the time. And now it’s got completely out of hand. I mean he’s scared to death of everything.
The Doctor: Pantophobia.
Alex: What?
The Doctor: That’s what it’s called. Pantophobia.
Not fear of pants though, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s the fear of everything. Including pants, I suppose. In that case… Sorry. go on.
Alex: He hates clowns.
The Doctor: Understandable.
Alex: Old toys. He thinks the old lady across the way is a witch. He hates having a bath in case there’s something under the water. The lift sounds like somebody’s breathing. It’s… Look, I dunno. I’m not an expert. Maybe you can get through to him.
The Doctor: I’ll do my best.

Alex: Were you having a nightmare, son?
George: It’s wasn’t a nightmare. I wasn’t asleep. {The Doctor appears in the door} Who are you?
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor.
George: A Doctor! Have you come to take me away?
The Doctor: No, George. I just want to talk to you.
George: What about?
The Doctor: About the monsters.

Alex: Maybe it was things on telly. You know?
The Doctor not listening: Right.
Alex: Scary stuff. Getting under his skin. Frightening him.
The Doctor: Mm hm.
Alex: So we stopped letting him watch.
The Doctor: Oh, you don’t want to do that.

George: Is that a tool?
The Doctor: Screwdriver. A sonic one. And other stuff.
George: Please may I see the other stuff?
The Doctor: You may. {he starts the toys moving} Huh? Pretty cool, eh!

Alex: Will you stop making tea. I want you to leave!
The Doctor: No.
Alex: What? What d’you mean, “no”? Leave. Get out. Now, please. Look, maybe this was a bad idea. We should sort out George ourselves.
The Doctor: You can’t. {he gets out the milk}

The Doctor: How old is George, Alex?
Alex: What? How old?
The Doctor: Yes. How old is George?
Alex: But I told you, just turned eight.
The Doctor: So you remember when he was born then.
Alex: Of course.
The Doctor: Of course you do, how could you not. You and Claire, Christmas Eve 2002. Right?
Alex: What? Yeah.
The Doctor: Couple of weeks before George was born. Tell me about the day he arrived. Must have been wonderful.
Alex: Well it was the best day of my… life.
The Doctor: You sure?
Alex: Yes.
The Doctor: You don’t sound sure.
Alex: What are you trying to say?

Alex: Look, I don’t like this. I told you before, I want you to go.
The Doctor: What’s the matter, Alex?
Alex: I can’t— Oh no. Oh, this is scary.
The Doctor: No, Alex. This is scary. Claire with baby George. Newborn, yes?
Alex: Yes.
The Doctor: Less than a month after Christmas.
Alex: So?
The Doctor: So look! Look! Claire’s not pregnant.
Alex: What?
The Doctor: Not pregnant.
Alex: Well of course not. Claire can’t have kids!

The Doctor: Say that again.
Alex: We tried everything. She was desperate. As much IVF as we could afford, but… Claire can’t have kids. How… how can I have forgotten that?

Alex: We went into the cupboard. How can it be bigger in here?
The Doctor: More common than you think, actually. You okay?

The Doctor: What do you tell George to do, Alex, with everything that scares him?
Alex: Put it in the cupboard.
The Doctor: Exactly! And George isn’t just an ordinary little boy. We know that now. So anything scary he puts in here. Scary toys, like the doll’s house. Scary noises, like the lift. Even his own rituals have become part of it. His psyche— A repository for all his fears. But what is he?

Alex: Gun! You’ve got a gun!
The Doctor: It’s not a gun! {he tries the screwdriver again} Wood! I’ve got to invent a setting for wood. It’s embarrassing.

The Doctor: Massive psychic field, perfect perception filter. And that need! That need of Claire’s to, to… stupid Doctor! {hits himself} Ow! George is a Tenza. Of course he is.
Alex: He’s a what?
The Doctor: A cuckoo. A cuckoo in a nest. A Tenza. He’s a Tenza. Millions of them hatch in space and then—woof—off they drift, looking for a nest. The Tenza young can sense exactly what their foster parents want and then they assimilate perfectly.
Alex: George is an alien?
The Doctor: Yep!

Alex: But how can we keep him? He’s not…
The Doctor: Not what?
Alex: Human.
The Doctor: No.
George: Dad!

Alex: Whatever you are, whatever you do, you’re my son. And I will never ever send you away. Oh George. Oh my little boy.
George: Dad.
Alex: My little boy.

Mrs. Rossiter: Oh dear. Must be them tablets.

The Doctor: Oh! You’re Claire I’d expect. Claire. How do you feel about kippers?
Claire: Uh… Who—
Alex: They sent someone. About George. It’s all sorted.
The Doctor: Yeah. We had a great time, didn’t we?
George: Yeah!
The Doctor: See? He’s fine.
Claire: What, just like that?
The Doctor: Yes. Trust me.

Alex: Doctor, wait!
The Doctor: Sorry, yes! Bye!
Alex: You can’t just— I mean.
The Doctor: It’s sorted. You sorted it. Good man, Alex. I’m proud of ya.
Alex: But that’s it?
The Doctor: Well apart from making sure he eats his greens and getting him into a good school. Yes.
Alex: Is he gonna, I don’t know, sprout another head. Or three eyes or something?
The Doctor: He’s one of the Tenza. He’ll adapt perfectly now. {sees George} Hey! He’ll be whatever you want him to be. Might pop back around puberty, mind you! Always a funny time.

Tick tock goes the clock, even for the Doctor

View all quotes from Night Terrors[/nextpage]
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The Girl Who Waited

The Doctor: Hands! Hello Hands! Robot with hands, Rory.
Hand Bot: Welcome to the Two Streams facility. Will you be visiting long?

Hand Bot: Will you be visiting long?
Rory: Good question. Bit sinister. What’s the answer to not get us killed?

Voice of Interface (Imelda Staunton): Welcome to the Two Streams Facility.
Amy: Um, who are you and why can’t I see you?
Voice: I am the interface between yourself and the systems of the Two Streams facility. I will be your guide, your teacher, your friend.

Check-in Girl (Josie Taylor): Welcome to Two Streams. What is your name please?
Amy: Amy. Amy Pond.
Check-in Girl: Welcome Amy Pond. I see you are travelling alone.

Check-in Girl (Josie Taylor): As a resident, you will now have access to all of the entertainment zones inside. For a taste of adventure, why not try the mountain zone, and explore Appalapachia’s famous glass mirror mountains. Or try our roller coaster zone. Authentically modeled on the famous Warp Speed Death Ride at Disneyland Klom. All that you could wish for and more is through the departure bay. Provided for you, with kindness.

Interface: Unexpected Visitor, welcome. Please seek assistance.
Amy: Hello? Hey! Hi. Wait.
Hand Bot: You are carrying unregistered bacteria. Please let me help you.
Amy: No. I’m not from this world. Your medicine will kill me.
Hand Bot: Statement rejected. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.
Amy: No no, please! I hate needles!

Hand Bot: Secondary delivery system engaged. Unauthorized infection on check-in. Version 223.

Interface: Unauthorized resident detected.

Hand Bot: This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.

Hand Bot: No residents detected. No residents detected.

Amy: Interface?
Interface: Amy Pond.
Amy: Listen, I need somewhere safe to hide and wait for my friends. Where in Two Streams is safe?
Interface: Two Streams is a safe, nurturing environment.
Amy: You know what I mean. Where can I go so the Hand-Bots can’t find me? {silence}. Um. Before, I was stood by a sort of vent and there was light and smoke and the Hand-Bots couldn’t see me. Why not? {silence}. Okay, I will put it another way. What were those vent thingies?
Interface: The vents channel the exhaust fumes from the temporal engines that hold the multiple time streams in place.
Amy: And these temporal engines mess up the hand bots sensors so where’s the temporal engines?
Interface: Temporal engines held within.

Hand Bot: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness.
Future Amy: Interface?
Interface: I am here, Amy Pond.
Future Amy: Show me Earth. Show me home. Did I ever tell you about this boy I met there, who pretended to be in a band….

View all quotes from The Girl Who Waited

The God Complex

Lucy Hayward (Sarah Quintrell): My name is Lucy Hayward. And I’m the last one left. It’s funny. You don’t know what’s going to be in your room until you see it. And then you realize it could never have been anything else. The gaps between my worship are getting shorter. This is what happened to the others. It’s all so clear now. I’m so happy. Praise him. Praise him.

The Doctor: Woah! That was quick.
Gibbis (David Walliams): We surrender.
Rory: No, it’s okay.
Gibbis: We surrender!
The Doctor: A chair leg!
Rory: We’re nice.
The Doctor: She threatened me with a chair leg!
Rita (Amara Karan): Who are you?
Howie Spraggs (Dimitri Leonidas): Oh god, we’re back in reception.
Gibbis: We surrender.
The Doctor: I’ve never been threatened with a chair leg before. No. Hang on. I tell a lie.
Amy: Did you just say, “It’s okay, we’re nice”?
Rita: Okay, I need everyone to shut up now!
Howie: Rita, be careful, yeah?
Rita: Pupils are dilated. They’re even more surprised than we are. Besides which, if it is a trick it’ll tell us something.
The Doctor: Oh you’re good. Oh, she’s good. Amy, with regret, you’re fired.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: I’m kidding.

The Doctor: I take it from the pathological compulsion to surrender you’re from Tivoli.
Gibbis: Yes, the most invaded planet in the galaxy. Our anthem is called, “Glory to [insert name here].”

The Doctor: You with the face, Howie. You said you were surprised to be back in reception.
Howie: The walls move. Everything changes.
The Doctor: You. Clever one. What’s he talking about?
Rita: The corridors twist and stretch. Rooms vanish and pop up somewhere else. It’s like the hotel’s alive.
The Doctor turning off the music: Quite enough of that.
Howie: Yeah, and it’s huge. It’s like no way out.
Rory: Have you tried the front door.
Rita: No. In two days it never occurred to us to try the front door. Thank god you’re here.

The Doctor: They’re not doors. They’re walls. Walls that look like doors. Door-walls if you like. Or dwalls. Walls even. Though you probably got it when you said they’re not doors. I mean even the windows are— Right. Big day for a fan of walls.
Rita: It’s not just that. The rooms have things in them.
The Doctor: Things? Hello! What kind of things? Interesting things? I love things. Ask anyone.
Rita: Bad dreams.
The Doctor: Well that killed the mood.

The Doctor: How did you get here?
Rita: I don’t know. I’d just started my shift. I must have passed out because suddenly I was here.
Howie: I was blogging, next thing this.
Gibbis: I was at work. I’m in town planning. We’re lining all the highways with trees so invading forces can march in the shade.
Rory: Oh.
Gibbis: It’s nice, isn’t it.
Rory: Yeah.

The Doctor: Hello. I’m the Doctor.
Joe Buchanan (Daniel Pirrie): We’re going to die here.
The Doctor: Well they certainly didn’t mention that in the brochure. Is Joe there? Can I have a quick word.
Joe: No, it’s still me, Doctor, but I’ve seen the light. I lived a blasphemous life but he has forgiven my inconstancy and soon he shall feast.
The Doctor: Well you’ve been here for two days. What’s “he” waiting for?
Joe: We weren’t ready. We were still raw.
The Doctor: But now you’re what? Cooked?
Joe: If you like. Soon you will be too. Be patient. First: find your room.
The Doctor: My room.
Joe: There’s a room here for everyone, Doctor. Even you.

The Doctor: You said you’d seen the light now.
Joe: Nothing else matters anymore. Only him. And these things. I used to hate them. They make me laugh now. {he starts laughing} Gottle o’geer! Gottle o’geer!

Joe: You should go. He’ll be here soon.
The Doctor: I think you should come with me.

The Doctor: Where are you from? I don’t understand. Aside from all the other things I don’t understand.
Gibbis: What does it matter? Sooner or later someone will come along and rescue us. Or enslave us.

The Doctor: Something to add, Joe?
Joe: “Here comes a candle to light you to bed/Here comes a chopper to chop off your head.” Chop chop chop chop.
Howie: Can we do something about him?!

Gibbis: Personally I think you have the right idea. At times like this I think of my old school motto. “Resistance is exhausting.”

Howie: I’ve worked out where we are.
Rory: Hm?
Howie: Norway.
Rory: Norway?
Howie: See, the US government has entire cities hidden in the Norwegian mountains. You see, earth is on a collision course with another planet. And this is where they’re going to send all the rich people when it kicks off.
Rory: Amazing.
Howie: It’s all there on the internet.
Rory: No, it’s amazing you’ve come up with a theory even more insane than what’s actually happening.

Rita’s Father (Rashid Karapiet): A B in mathematics? You are lazy! You understand me, girl? Lazy.
Rita: I’m sorry. Daddy, I’m so sorry.

Amy: Don’t blink.
Howie: What?

Amy: If it’s any consolation I’ve met the Weeping Angels. So I know how… In fact, I thought that room was for me.
Gibbis: Joe was right. Whatever it is in here, it actually wants to kill us. Not oppress us or enslave us. Kill us!

Gibbis: Of course, if the Weeping Angels were meant for me, then your room is still out there. Somewhere.

Rita: This is Jahannam.
The Doctor: You’re a Muslim!
Rita: Don’t be frightened.
The Doctor: You think this is hell?
Rita: The whole 80s hotel thing took me by surprise though.
The Doctor: All these fears and phobias, wandering about. Most of them completely unconnected to us. So why are they still here?
Rita: Maybe the cleaners have gone on strike.
The Doctor: Ha. I like you. You’re a right clever clock. But this isn’t Hell, Rita.
Rita: You don’t understand. I say that without fear. Jahannam will play its tricks and there’ll be time when I’ll want to run and scream, but I’ve tried to live a good life and that knowledge keeps me sane, despite the monsters and the bonkers rooms.

Rita: Gibbis is an alien, isn’t he?
The Doctor: Yep.
Rita: Okay. I’m going to file that under “Freak out about it later.”

The Doctor: Howie, you’re next. We’re all dead jealous. So tell us. How do we get a piece of the action? Why isn’t he possessing all of us?
Howie: You guys have got all these distractions. All these obstacles. It’d be so much easier if you just let it go, you know? Give up.
Amy: You want it to find you, even though you know what it’s gonna do?
Howie: Are you kidding? He’s going to kill us all. How cool is that?

Rita: Why is it up to you to save us? That’s quite a God Complex you have there.
The Doctor: I brought them here. They say it was their choice, but offer a child a suitcase full of sweets and they’ll take it. Offer someone all of time and space and they’ll take that too. Which is why you shouldn’t. Which is why grown-ups were invented.
Rita: “All of time and space,”, eh?
The Doctor: Oh yeah. And when we get out of this I’ll show you too.
Rita: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but whatever it was I have a feeling you just did it again.

The Doctor: You started to praise it, didn’t you? {she nods}. Rita, come back please. We’ll find away to stop it, I swear.
Rita: No, I need to get as far away from you all as possible.
The Doctor: No no no. The creature only wants whoever’s praising it.
Rita: And then you’ll put yourself in its way.
The Doctor: I’m coming to get you. Block out the fear and stay focused on your belief.
Rita: The hotel will keep us apart. I’ll likely be fifty miles away by now.
The Doctor: I want you to do one last favor, Doctor. I can feel the Rapture approaching like a wave. I don’t want you to witness this. I want you to remember me the way I was.

Rita: You stay where you are. Please, let me be robbed of my faith in private.
The Doctor: Look, Rita! Look!, go into the room, lock the door.
Rita: I’m not frightened, I’m blessed, Doctor. I’m at peace. I’m gonna hang up.
The Doctor: No no no!
Rita: Goodbye Doctor. Thank you for trying.
The Doctor: Rita please! Please!

The Doctor: Okay. It preys on the people’s fear it possesses. But Rita wasn’t afraid. She was brave and kind. Maybe it’s something to do with the people. Some connection between the four of you that will tell me how to fight it.
Gibbis: Yes, you keep on saying that but you never do. And while we wait people keep dying and we’ll be next!
Amy: Look, he’ll work it out. He always does. Just let him riff and move anything expensive out of his way.

View all quotes from The God Complex

Closing Time

Sophie (Daisy Haggard): I’ve labeled the food and sort of numbered it.
Craig Owens (James Corden): Sophie, you don’t need to number food.
Sophie: It’s just a suggestion.

Craig: I can cope on my own! Now please go and have a rest. You need it. I love you.
Sophie: I love you too. And thank you for this. And I do know you can cope on your own. And I may have drawn some arrows in the fridge.
Craig: Okay, really have to go now.

Craig: Mum, it’s not just you, I’m phoning everybody. I’m texting the world. “Craig Owens can do it on his own”! No one is coming to help me. {there’s a knock at the door}. Mum, I’m going to have to call you back. {to himself} I’m coping, I’m coping on my own. I’m coping on my own. I’m coping on my own—
The Doctor: Hello Craig. I’m back!
Craig: She didn’t— How could she phone you?
The Doctor: How did who phone me? Nobody phoned me, I’m just here.

Craig: Doctor, what are you doing here?
The Doctor: Social call. Thought it about time I tried one out. How are you?
Craig: I’m fine.
The Doctor: This is the bit where I say “I’m fine too”, isn’t it? “I’m fine too.” Good. Love to Sophie. ‘Bye! {the lights flicker} Something’s wrong.

The Doctor: On your own you said, but you’re not. You’re not on your own. Increased sulfur emissions… and look at the state of this place. What are you not telling me?
Craig: Doctor, please—
The Doctor: Shush!
Craig: No you shush!
The Doctor: Shush!
Craig: Shush!
The Doctor: No you shush!

The Doctor: Whoever you are, get off this planet! {the baby starts crying}
Craig: You’ve woken him.

The Doctor: So when you say, “on your own”…
Craig: I meant on my own with the baby, yes. Because no one thinks I can cope on my own with the baby. Which is so unfair because… I can’t cope on my own with him. I can’t! He just cries all the time. I mean, do they have off switches?
The Doctor: Human beings, no. Believe me, I’ve checked.

Craig: You read all the books and they tell you you’ll know what to do if you follow your instincts. I have no instinct.

The Doctor: So what did you call him? Will I blush?
Craig: No, we didn’t call him “The Doctor.”
The Doctor: No, I didn’t think you would.
Craig: He’s called Alfie.

Craig: What are you doing here anyway?
The Doctor: Yes, he likes that, Alfie. Though personally he prefers to be called Stormaggedon, Dark Lord of All.
Craig: Sorry, what?
The Doctor: That’s what he calls himself.
Craig: How d’you know that?
The Doctor: I speak baby.
Craig: Of course you do.

The Doctor: No! He’s your dad, you can’t just call him “Not Mum.”
Craig: Not mum?
The Doctor: That’s you. “Also Not Mum”. That’s me. And everybody else is… “peasants”. That’s a bit unfortunate.

Craig: What are you here for? What’s happening?
The Doctor: Just popped in to say hello.
Craig: You don’t do that. I checked the upstairs when we moved in. It’s real. And next door, both sides. They’re humans. Is it the fridge? Are there aliens in my fridge?
The Doctor: I just want to see you, Craig. Cross my hearts. Been knocking around on my own for a bit. Bit of a farewell tour.

Craig: You’ve noticed something. You’ve got your noticing face on. I have nightmares about that face.
The Doctor: Nope! Given all that up. Done noticing things. {the light flickers} Didn’t even notice that, for example.

Craig: Can you do the shushing thing?
The Doctor: No, it only works once and only on life forms with underdeveloped brains.
Craig: How— You said “farewell tour”. What do you mean farewell—?
The Doctor: Shush!

Craig: You’re here for a reason, aren’t you? You’ve noticed something and you’re investigating. And because it’s you it’s going to be dangerous and alien.
The Doctor: Might not be.

The Doctor: Here’s the lift!
Craig: It says it’s out of order.
The Doctor: Not anymore. See? “Here to help.”
Craig: It says “danger.”
The Doctor: Oh rubbish! Lifts aren’t dangerous.
Craig: Do I look like I’m stupid? {the baby gurgles}.
The Doctor: Quiet, Stormy!

The Doctor: Just between you, me and Stormy—don’t want to frighten any punters. Someone’s been using the teleport below right here in the shop. Missing people last seen here in this area. Before you ask: CCTV’s been wiped.
Craig: But teleport? A big— A teleport? Like a “beam-me-up” teleport like you see in Star Trek?
The Doctor: Exactly! Someone’s been using a beam-me-up Star Trek teleport. Could be disguised as anything.

Craig: Was that the lights again?
The Doctor: Yes, that’s it. That’s all. It’s always the lights.
Craig: Why did you say it like that?
The Doctor: Like what? {trying to lower his voice} Like what what what?
Craig: Like that. In that high-pitched voice?

Craig: Doctor, are you going to kiss me?
The Doctor: Yes, Craig. Yes I am. would you like that? Bit out of practice but I’ve had some wonderful feedback.

Craig: What is happening?!
The Doctor: Well first of all, I don’t really love you. Except as a friend.
Craig: What is that?!
The Doctor: Quick reverse.
Craig: Okay, what the hell just happened?!
The Doctor: They must have linked the teleport relay to the lift. But I’ve fused it. They can’t use that again. They’re stuck up there in their spaceship.
Craig: What were those things?
The Doctor: Cybermen.
Craig: A ship. Space ship. We were in space.

The Doctor: Craig, take Alfie and go.
Craig: No.
The Doctor: No?
Craig: No. I remember from last time. People got killed. People that didn’t know you. I know where it’s safest for me and Alfie and that’s right next to you.
The Doctor: Is that so?
Craig: Yeah, you always win. You always survive.
The Doctor: Those were the days.

Craig: I can help you. I’m staying.

Craig: Where am I investigating?
The Doctor: Look around. Ask questions. People like it when you’re with a baby. Babies are sweet. People talk to you. That’s why I usually take a human with me.
Craig: So I’m your baby.
The Doctor: You’re my baby!

Val (Lynda Baron): Hope you don’t mind my saying, Doctor, but I think you look ever so sweet. You and your partner and your baby.
The Doctor: Partner. Yes. I like it. Is it better than companion?
Val: Companion. Sounds old fashioned. There’s no need to be coy these days.

The Doctor: Silver rat. Glowing red eyes.
Val: Yes. Then it zizzed off! I wanted to get one for my nephew but stockroom say there’s no such item.
The Doctor: Oh I bet they do.

Craig: I bet you excrete some sort of gas that makes people love you.
The Doctor: Would that I could, Craig.

The Doctor: Well you love me. I’ve never excreted any weird alien gasses into you.
Craig: I don’t love you. Don’t start that again.
The Doctor to Alfie: Yeah, I know. Of course he does. Of course you do! We’re partners.
Craig: Yeah, but I did exactly what you would have done and I nearly got arrested.
The Doctor: Stormy thinks you should believe in yourself more.
Craig: Great, so now my baby’s reviewing me.

The Doctor: A cyberman took Shona.
Craig: A cyber man? I thought he was a little silver rat.
The Doctor: He’s not a rat. It’s a cybermat.
Craig: All right. Have a go at me just ’cause I don’t know their names.

Craig: Metal rat! Real mouth! Metal rat! Real mouth!

Craig: We’ve gotta go. We’ve gotta get back to base.
The Doctor: We’ve got a base? When did we get a base?

The Doctor: No. I am a stupid selfish man. Always have been. I should have made you go. I should never have come here.
Craig: What would have happened if you hadn’t come? Who else knows about cybermen and teleports.
The Doctor: I put people in danger.
Craig: Stop beating yourself up! If it weren’t for you, this whole planet would be in absolute ruin.

Craig: I’m sorry, Alfie. I can’t leave you here on your own. There’s something up with the Doctor and we are in. I wouldn’t have you or mummy if it wasn’t for him. He needs someone. He always needs someone. He just can’t admit it.

Cyberman: He must be the new leader.
Cyberman: No. He is not like us. Brain and binary vascular system incompatible. They will be discarded. Other body parts may be of use.

Cyberman: You are compatible. You are intelligent.
Craig: I’m not intelligent! You don’t want me!
Cyberman: Do not fear. We will take your fear from you. You will be like us. You will be more than us.

Cyberman: Emotions eradicated. Conversion complete. {beeping} Alert! Emotional subsystems rebooting. This is impossible.
The Doctor: He can hear him. He can hear Alfie. Oh please, just give me this. Craig, you wanted a chance to prove you’re a dad. You are never gonna get a better one than this.

Cyberman: What is happening?
The Doctor: What’s happening, you metal moron, a baby is crying. And you better watch out! Because guess what? Ha ha! Daddy’s coming home!

The Doctor: That was another review. Ten out of ten!
Craig: The Cybermen. They blew up. I blew ’em up with love.
The Doctor: No. That’s impossible. And also grossly sentimental and over-simplistic. You destroyed them because of the deeply-ingrained hereditary human trait to protect one’s own genes. Which in turn triggered a… a… Um. Yeah. Love. You blew them up with love.

The Doctor: The building should be totally safe, structurally. And of course the bonded desillium contained the explosion.
Kelly (Holly Dempsey): Right. Why are you telling me all this?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Shush.

Val: Are you two married then?
Craig: No. We talked about it, but it’s just a piece of paper isn’t it.
The Doctor: Thank you for your help, Val. Good noticing. Keep ’em peeled.
Val: I will. I’m glad you two made up for baby’s sake.
Craig: How’d you mean?
Val: It’s nice for baby to have two daddies who love each other.
Craig: Wait, hang on a sec. Two daddies. You think I’m…
Val: His companion.
Craig: Doctor…
Val: Oh. Now where’s he rushed off to?
Craig: He’s gone.

The Doctor: See. I do come back.
Craig: How did you… ?
The Doctor: Time machine. But even with time travel, getting glazers on a Sunday… tricky.
Craig: You went back in time. That means you used up your hours. what about Exidor?
The Doctor: What about you being in trouble with Sophie when she comes back? I couldn’t let that happen.
Craig: You used up your time for me?
The Doctor: Of course I did. You’re me mate.

The Doctor: Alfie. He prefers the name Alfie now. And he’s very proud of his dad.
Craig: He calls me dad?
The Doctor: Yeah, of course he does. Now.

The Doctor: Well. Now it’s time. I have to go.
Craig: Doctor, I know that something’s wrong. I can help you.
The Doctor: Nobody can help me. I hope Sophie won’t mind. I need these {he grabs the too-familiar blue envelopes}.
Craig: Where are you going to go?
The Doctor: America.
Craig: Sophie will be home any second. Are you sure?
The Doctor: I can’t miss this appointment, Craig. Goodbye, mate.
Craig: Wait there. One second. {he comes back with a Stetson}

Sophie: Hello hello, I forgot my key!
Craig: Oh, I missed you so much.

Sophie: Has anything happened? You look different.
Craig: Nothing happened, nothing weird.
Sophie: Look at you two, thick as thieves. {to Alfie} Who’s daddy’s little boy then?
Alfie: Doctor.
Sophie: What? Craig?

Girl: It was funny. He seemed so happy but so sad at the same time.
Boy: I was just a kid. I thought maybe he was a cowboy on his way to a gun fight.
Second Girl: I really liked his hat.

Madame Kovarian (Frances Barber): “Tick tock goes the clock. And what now shall we play? Tick tock goes the clock. Now summer’s gone away.”
River: Hello?
Madame Kovarian: Such a lovely old song. But is it about him?
River: You know about the Doctor?
Madame Kovarian: So very well. Oh don’t try and remember me. We’ve been far too thorough with your dear little head.
River seeing the Silence: What are they? What are those things?
Madame Kovarian: Your owners.
River: My what?

Madame Kovarian: So they made you a doctor today, did they? Doctor River Song. How clever you are. {looking at the date} You understand what this is, don’t you?
River: According to some accounts, it’s the day the Doctor dies.
Madame Kovarian: By Silencio Lake. On the Plain of Sighs. An impossible astronaut will rise from the deep. And strike the Time Lord dead.
River: It’s a story.
Madame Kovarian: And this is where it begins.

Madame Kovarian: You never really escaped us, Melody Pond. We were always coming for you.
River: How do you know who I am?
Madame Kovarian: I made you what you are. The woman who kills the Doctor.

Madame Kovarian: “Tick tock goes the clock, and all the years they fly. Tick tock and all too soon, your love will surely die.”

Tick tock goes the clock, He cradled her and he rocked her. Tick tock goes the clock, Even for the Doctor.

View all quotes from Closing Time

The Wedding of River Song

London 5:02pm 22nd April, 2011

And it’s another beautiful day in London. There are reports of sun spot activity and solar flares causing interference across all radio signals, so apologies for that.

Londinium Cotide: War of the Roses Enters Second Year

Bill Turnbull: So do you think you can top last year’s Christmas special?
Sian Williams: Yes, and can you tell us anything about it?
Charles Dickens (Simon Callow): All I can say now is it involves ghosts in the past and the present and the future all at the same time.
Sian Williams: Oh, we love a ghost story!

Meredith Viera: Crowds lined the mall today as the Holy Roman Emperor Winston Churchill returned to the Buckingham Senate on his personal mammoth.

Doctor Malokeh (Richard Hope): Not too many late nights in Gaul I hope.
Emperor Winston Churchill (Ian McNeice): Just the one. I had an argument with Cleopatra. Dreadful woman. Though excellent dancer.
Dr. Malokeh: I can tell from your blood pressure.
Emperor Churchill: What time do you have, Doctor?
Dr. Malokeh: Two minutes past five, Caesar.
Emperor Churchill: It’s always two minutes past five. Day or night, it’s always two minutes past five in the afternoon. Why is that?
Dr. Malokeh: Because that is the time, Caesar.
Emperor Churchill: And the date is always the twenty-second of April. Does it not bother you?
Dr. Malokeh: The date and the time have always been the same, Caesar. Why should it start bothering me now?
Emperor Churchill: I want to see the soothsayer. Where is he?
Dr. Malokeh: In the tower. Where you threw him the last time.
Emperor Churchill: Get him!

Emperor Churchill: “Tick tock goes the clock,” as the old song says. But they don’t, do they? The clocks never tick. “Something has happened to time.” That’s what you say. What you never stop saying. “All of history is happening at once.” But what does that mean? What happened? Explain to me in terms that I can understand. What happened to time?
The Doctor: A woman.

Earlier…

The Doctor: The crowd are getting restless. They know the queen is your only legal move. Except you’ve already moved it twelve times, which means there are now four million volts running through it. {the crowd grows impatient} That’s why they call it live chess. Even with the gauntlet, you’ll never make it to bishop four alive.
Gantok (Rondo Haxton): I’m a dead man unless you concede the game.
The Doctor: But I’m winning.
Gantok: Name your price.
The Doctor: Information.
Gantok: I work for the Silence. They would kill me.
The Doctor: They’re going to kill me too, very soon. I was just going to lie down and take it. But you know what? Before I go, I’d like to know why I have to die.
Gantok: Dorium Maldovar. He’s the only one that can help you.
The Doctor: Dorium’s dead. The monks beheaded him at Demon’s Run.
Gantok: I know. Concede the game, Doctor, and I’ll take you to him.

Gantok: Seventh transept. Where the Headless Monks keep the leftovers. Watch your step, there are traps everywhere.
The Doctor: I hate rats.
Gantok: There are no rats in the transept.
The Doctor: Good.
Gantok: The skulls eat them.

Gantok: The Headless Monks behead you alive, remember?
The Doctor: Why are some of them in boxes?
Gantok: Because some people are rich. And some people are left to rot. Dorium Maldovar was always very rich.

Dorium Maldovar (Simon Fisher-Becker): Hello? Is someone there? Ah! Doctor! Thank god it’s you. The monks, they turned on me.
The Doctor: Well. I’m afraid they rather did. A bit.
Maldovar: Give it to me straight, Doctor. How bad are my injuries?
The Doctor: Well… {Dorium starts laughing}
Maldovar: Oh! Your face!
The Doctor: Oh you…

Churchill: This is absurd. Other worlds, carnivorous skulls. Talking heads. I don’t know why I’m listening to you.
The Doctor: Because in another reality you and I are friends. And you sense that. Just as you sense there is something wrong with time.
Churchill: You mentioned a woman.
The Doctor: Yes. I’m getting to her.
Churchill: What’s she like? Attractive, I assume.
The Doctor: Hell. In high heels.
Churchill: Tell me more.

Maldovar: Oh it’s not so bad, really, as long as they get your box the right way up. I got a media chip fitted in my head years ago and the WiFi down here is excellent. So I keep myself entertained.
The Doctor: I need to know about the Silence.
Maldovar: Oh. They’re a religious order of great power and discretion. The sentinels of history, as they like to call themselves.
The Doctor: And they want me dead?
Maldovar: No, not really. They just don’t want you to remain alive.
The Doctor: That’s okay then. I was a bit worried for a minute there.
Maldovar: You’re a man with a long and dangerous past. But your future is infinitely more terrifying. The Silence believe it must be averted
The Doctor: You know, you could have told me this last time we met.
Maldovar: It was a busy day and I got beheaded!
The Doctor: What’s so dangerous about my future?
Maldovar: On the Fields of Trenzalore, on the Fall of the Eleventh, when no living creature can speak falsely or fail to answer, a question will be asked. A question that must never ever be answered.
The Doctor: “Silence will fall when the question is asked.”
Maldovar: “Silence must fall” would be a better translation. The Silence are determined that the questions will never be answered, that the Doctor will never reach Trenzalore.
The Doctor: I don’t understand, what’s it got to do with me?
Maldovar: The first question—the oldest question in the universe hidden in plain sight. would you like to know what it is?
The Doctor: Yes.
Maldovar: Are you sure? {the skulls start turning} Very very sure?
The Doctor: Of course.
Maldovar: Then I shall tell you. But on your own head be it.

Maldovar: They haven’t got WiFi here. I’m bored already. And my nose is hurting. We all have to die, Doctor. But you more than most, you do see that, don’t you? You know what the question is now. You do see that you have to die.

Churchill: But what was the question? Why did it mean your death?
The Doctor: Suppose there was a man who knew a secret. A terrible, dangerous secret that must never be told. How would you erase that secret from the world—destroy it forever—before it can be spoken?
Churchill: If I had to, I’d destroy the man.
The Doctor: “And Silence would fall.” All those times I heard those words, I never realized it was my silence. My death. The Doctor will fall.

The Doctor: Why are we here?
Churchill: This—this is the Senate room.
The Doctor: Why did we leave you office?
Churchill: Well. We wanted a stroll, didn’t we.
The Doctor checking his pulse: I think I’ve been running. Why do you have your revolver?
Churchill: Well. You’re dangerous company, soothsayer.
The Doctor noticing a mark on his arm: Yes. I think I am.
Churchill: Resume your story.

Maldovar: Doctor, please. Open my hatch. I’ve got an awful headache. Which to be honest means more than it used to. It’s like some terrible weight pressing down on my— {realizes he’s upside down} Oh. I see.
The Doctor: Why Lake Silencio? Why Utah?
Maldovar: It’s a still point in time. Makes it easier to create a fixed point. And your death is a fixed point, Doctor. You can’t run away from this.
The Doctor: I’ve been running all my life. Why should I stop?
Maldovar: Because now you know what’s at stake, why your life must end.
The Doctor: Not today.
Maldovar: What’s the point in delaying? How long have you delayed already?
The Doctor: Been knocking about, bit if a farewell tour. Things to do, people to see. There’s always more. I can invent a new color, save the dodo, join the Beatles. {on the phone} Hello, it’s me! Get him, tell him we’re going out and it’s all on me except for the money and the driving! {to Dorium} I have got a time machine, Dorium. It’s all still going on. For me it never stops. Liz the First is still waiting in a glade to elope with me. I could help Rose Tyler with her homework. I could go on all Jack’s stag parties in one night.
Maldovar: Time catches up with us all, Doctor!
The Doctor: Well it has never laid a glove on me!

The Doctor: Hello.
Nurse (Katharine Burford): Doctor, I’m so sorry. We didn’t know how to contact you. I’m afraid Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart passed away a few months ago. Doctor?
The Doctor: Ah… Yes, yes.
Nurse: It was very peaceful. Talked a lot about you if that’s any comfort. Always made us pour an extra brandy in case you came ’round one of these days.

Maldovar: Doctor, what’s wrong?
The Doctor: Nothing, I just… {he takes the TARDIS blue envelopes from his pocket} It’s time. It’s time.

Carter: Surely you could deliver the messages yourself.
The Doctor: It would involve crossing my own time stream. Best not.
Carter: According to our files, this is the end for you. Your final journey. We’ll deliver your messages. You can depend on us.
The Doctor: Thank you.

Carter: Doctor. Whatever you think of the Teselecta, we are champions of law and order, just as you’ve always been. Is there nothing else we can do?

Churchill: Why would you do this? Of all the things you’ve told me, this I find hardest to believe. Why? To invite your friends to see your death?
The Doctor: I had to die. I didn’t have to die alone.

Churchill: Well? What happened?
The Doctor: Nothing.
Churchill: Nothing?
The Doctor: Nothing happened. And then it kept happening. Or if you’d prefer, everything happened at once and it won’t ever stop. Time is dying. It’s going to be five-oh-two in the afternoon for all eternity. The needle’s stuck on the record.
Churchill: A record? Good lord, man, have you never heard of downloads?
The Doctor: Said Winston Churchill.

Churchill: Gun smoke. That’s gun smoke. {looking at his revolver} Oh. I appear to have fired this.
The Doctor: We seem to be defending ourselves.
Churchill: I don’t understand.
The Doctor: The creatures that lead the Silence. Remarkable things, and memory-proof.
Churchill: But what does that mean?
The Doctor: Well you can’t remember them. The moment you look away you forget they were ever there. Don’t panic! In small numbers they’re not too difficult.

The government has again apologized for extensive radio interference caused by solar flare and sun spot activity.

Dr. Kent (Emma Campbell-Jones): You were right. Just his presence in the building caused the loop to extend by nearly four chronons.

The Doctor: Hi honey, I’m home.
River: And what sort of time do you call this?
Madame Kovarian: The death of time. The end of time. The end of us all. Oh, why couldn’t you just die?
The Doctor: Did my best, dear. I showed up. You just can’t get good psychopaths these days.

Madame Kovarian: Oh they’re flirting. Do I have to watch this?

The Doctor: The pyramid above us. How many Silents have you got trapped inside it?
Madame Kovarian: None. They’re not trapped. They never have been. They’ve been waiting. For this, Doctor. For you.
They’re out! All of them!

Madame Kovarian: And you’re wearing iDrives based on mine, I think.

Madame Kovarian: The Silence would never allow an advantage without taking one themselves. The effects will vary from person to person. Either death. Or debilitating agony. But they will take you all. One by one.

Madame Kovarian: What are you doing? {zzt} No, it’s me. Don’t be stupid. {zzt} You need me! {zzt} Stop it! Stop that! Get it off me!

Silent: Rory Williams. The man who dies and dies again. Die one last time, and know she will never come back for you.

Madame Kovarian: Amy. Help me.
Amy: You took my baby from me and hurt her. And now she’s all grown up and she’s fine. But I’ll never see my baby again.
Madame Kovarian: But you’ll still save me though. Because he would. And you’d never do anything to disappoint your precious Doctor.
Rory: Ma’am, we have to go. Now.
Amy: The Doctor is very precious to me, you’re right. But do you know what else he is, Madame Kovarian? Not here. {she puts her iDrive back on her} River Song didn’t get it all from you. Sweetie.

Dorium: Who’s carrying me. I demand to know. I’m a head. I have rights. I want my doors open this time. I demand that my doors are open! Is it you? It is, isn’t it? It is you! I can sense it! But how did you do it? How could you have possibly escaped?

Carter: Is there nothing else we can do?
The Doctor: Actually, thinking about it.

The Doctor: The Teselecta. A Doctor in a Doctor suit. Time said I had to be on that beach so I dressed for the occasion. Barely got singed in that boat.
Dorium: So you’re going to do this—let them all think you’re dead?
The Doctor: it’s the only way. Then they can all forget me. I got too big, Dorium. Too noisy. Time to step back into the shadows.
Dorium: And Doctor Song, in prison all her days?
The Doctor: Her days, yes. And her nights… well. That’s between her and me, eh?
Dorium: So many secrets, Doctor. I’ll help you keep them of course.
The Doctor: Well you’re not exactly going anywhere are you?
Dorium: But you’re a fool nonetheless. It’s all still waiting for you. The Fields of Trenzalore. The Fall of the Eleventh. And the question.
The Doctor: Goodbye Dorium.
Dorium: The first question! The question that must never be answered! Hidden in plain sight! The question you’ve been running from all your life! “Doctor Who.” “Doctor Who.” “Doctor Who”!

View all quotes from The Wedding of River Song
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