American Duos Juliet: What about Detective Lassiter? Nigel St. Nigel (Tim Curry): Absolutely not. His hair looks like it’s been poured out of a cake mold. Nigel St. Nigel: Bring on the next contestants. {Gus and Shawn walk in} Lester Beacon: Presenting Shawn Spence-star and Gus TT-Showbiz. Good luck guys. Lester: Really? Nigel: Well. That […]
American Duos Gus: I’m putting up the official Burton Guster spoiler alert. Until I get back and watch the recording, nobody utters a word about American Duos. Juliet “Jules” O’Hara (Maggie Lawson): That’s going to be difficult. Juliet: What about Detective Lassiter? Nigel St. Nigel (Tim Curry): Absolutely not. His hair looks like it’s been […]
American Duos Present Day Henry: He’s not staying here! He violated basic robe code! Shawn: Robe code violation. Check. 65 Million Years Off 1987 Present Day Henry: Shawn! Shawn: Dad, what are you doing here? Henry: I was worried. About my tools. Henry: You still haven’t answered the question why he dug all the holes […]
American Duos Carlton “Lassie” Lassiter (Timothy Omundson): Well you are spinning yourself into circles, whoever you are. Maybe you should go outside and rethink your story. Zapato Dulce (Cristian de la Fuente): What story? Lassiter: Exactly. Lassiter: Great. Bride of Frankenstein. Have a seat. Emilina: What am I doing here? Lassiter: Well let’s see. Your […]
American Duos 1987 Young Shawn (Liam James): What’s with the Michael Jackson outfit? That’s like two years old! Young Gus (Carlos McCullers): I got scared! Young Shawn: You were supposed to be Billy Ocean. Why would Michael Jackson sing with Roland Orzabal? Young Gus: Why would Billy Ocean sing with Roland Orzabal? Young Shawn: ‘Cause […]
Halloween Night, 1987 Young Gus: Well can I eat my candy? Henry: Yeah. Knock yourself out, Lando. As long as your old man doesn’t mind his nine-year-old son passing razor blades. Young Shawn with his eyes covered: Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Young Gus: Not even sort of. Exactly Twenty Years Later… Give or […]
1985 Henry: No more poker, no more gambling. You’re too young. Young Shawn: Dad, I don’t gamble. I win. Henry: You win? Oh. And approximately how often do you lose? Young Shawn: I don’t know. Henry: You don’t know. Young Shawn: Well I haven’t lost yet. Henry: Son, listen to me. Just because you can […]
1985 Henry: You both know that I have a partner on the force, right? Young Gus and Shawn: Yes sir. Henry: Well we couldn’t do our job if we didn’t trust each other completely. There are rules to our partnership and they are the same rules to our friendship. Even Battleship. But those rules don’t […]
1985 Young Shawn: Dad, why do those people get better seats than us? Henry: Shawn, those people aren’t just watching the trial. Those people are the trial. They’re the jurors. And they are the most important people in this room. Present Day Shawn: Gus, they impounded my motorcycle without warning. Gus: I’m pretty sure the […]
1985 Henry: What’s the name of this kid who hit you? Young Shawn: Elizabeth. Henry: Who? You got in a fight with a girl? Young Shawn: Well it wasn’t really a fight. She just punched me. Henry: Why in the world would she punch you? What happened? Young Shawn: She asked me to sit next […]
Read More… from He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He’s Dead
1987 Young Shawn: I need eighty cents. Henry: No you don’t. You need to put back two of those extra candybars that you just picked up. Young Shawn: Dad, you don’t understand! I can’t put back one of these. That’d be like saying one of these candybars is less worthy than the others. And I […]
1986 Ms. Bodansky: Our next step is the primate habitat. Young Shawn: Hear that, Trish. Monkeys. We’re going to visit your family. Young Trish: Knock it off, Shawn. Present Day Shawn: Woah woah woah. Okay okay. If we’re gonna do the lip reading game we have to say things that are remotely believable. Gus: I […]
1986 Henry: Where’d these comics come from? Gus, right? Come here. Well at least you’re not a tattle tale. Young Shawn: What’s the big deal? All the kids read them. Henry: Well, all the kids don’t live in this house and all the kids don’t have a police officer as a father, Shawn. Young Shawn: […]
1986 Henry: You can’t run away from the bad guys forever, Shawn. Eventually you gotta come up with a new approach Young Shawn: So? Henry: So. Find one. Henry: Not bad. You faced your fears, you got a new result, and you came out ahead. Did you really memorize those test answers. Young Shawn: Yeah. […]
1986 Henry: For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.” Who? Young Gus: Isaac Newton. Third law of motion. Henry: And how does that apply to the nature of man? Anyone. Shawn? Young Shawn: You push, they push back. Henry: Correct. Why? Shawn: Because “man is a stupid creature who would rather fight […]
1985 Henry: Where’s the ring? Young Shawn: At the bottom. Now I gotta eat the whole box. Henry: And where’s the ring now? Young Shawn: At the top. Henry: Right. See sometimes Shawn, you don’t have to dig so deep. All you gotta do is turn something upside down to make it right-side up and […]
1989 Young Shawn: How long do we have to wait? Henry: Until we catch our bad guy. Young Shawn: Can I sleep? Henry: You can’t sleep on a stake out, Shawn. Present Day Shawn: Gus, have you tried this chair? It’s a pregnancy chair. We have to get one for the office immediately. My birthing […]
Read More… from Woman Seeking Dead Husband: Smokers Okay, No Pets
1985 Young Shawn (Liam James): But we’re just playing. Henry: Well play right, Shawn. Or don’t play at all. Present Day Gus: What are you doing? Shawn: Dude, I’m on to something big. Gus: Tailing cops. In a police station? Shawn: Some monumentally expensive ring just got stolen. I’m gonna get us onto the case. […]
Shawn: Excuse me. You’re in my seat. Juliet “Jules” O’Hara (Maggie Lawson): Am I? Shawn: Actually yes, you are. Juliet: Are you one of those weirdo compulsives who come to the same restaurant, sit in the same chair and eat the same food every day? Shawn: Ah, no no. I was sitting right there three […]
1986 Santa Barbara, CA Henry Spencer (Corbin Bernsen): How many hats? Young Shawn (Josh Hayden): Come on, Dad! Henry: Shawn, you want a piece of cake. How many hats are in the room? Young Shawn: Does a beanie count? Henry: What do you think? Young Shawn: Three. Henry: Describe them. Young Shawn: That’s not fair! […]
Pilot 1986 Santa Barbara, CA Henry Spencer (Corbin Bernsen): How many hats? Young Shawn (Josh Hayden): Come on, Dad! Henry: Shawn, you want a piece of cake. How many hats are in the room? Young Shawn: Does a beanie count? Henry: What do you think? Young Shawn: Three. Henry: Describe them. Young Shawn: That’s not […]