Mr. Straight Guy Pageant : “The Mangeant” Susan Lucci: I would not like to be in your shoes, Fab Five. Carson: I'd like to be in your shoes. They're amazing! Thom about George: He was not a color found in nature. Carson: It wouldn't be a pageant if there wasn't blood. I'm pretty sure we…

Max C. Ted: You dip the dog in Kool Aid? Joni: No. You put it in water and then wash him. Ted: Ah. I thought he tasted good. Carson: This suit actually exploded on stage? It was probably God's will. Max about the sofa: This is great too. Thom: Isn't it? And it's comfy. Max:…

Boston Red Sox Kyan on a strand of Johnny Damon’s hair: I could sell this on eBay for like a thousand dollars, probably. Player: And when I hold the ball I have to hold it with my fingernails. Carson: In my line of work they get mad when you hold the ball with your fingernails.…

Brandon & David B. Brandon on Thom and Kyan: These guys can wrestle! Ted: You're almost out of milk and soda. But you've got a full bottle of flax oil! Carson: It's like a chainletter, this shirt. Thom leaving quietly: I can't do anything for these people. Carson tosses a football and completely demolishes a…

Barra Jason doing a Mother Bates impression in a rocking chair: I want her dead, Norman. I want her dead. Dane: You want three sandpits. And you want to watch Toy Story and eat burgers? Okay, we can work with that. Peyton: At the end of this series, I'm going to vow that every family…

Brian S. (Butch) Carson Kressley: Look at you! Are you just the handyman or the victim? Jai Rodriguez: This is like a— Oh my god I think... I think I broke the wall... and I don't think it matters. Thom Filicia: I mean it looks actually like you're nuts. And if you weren't here to…