Making History
Hal: I like your neck.
Alex: Are you aiming for enigmatic? Or… Because what I’m getting is sociopath.
Hal: I bet your skin tastes of salt.
Alex: Okay, you know this is getting a little old. But lucky for you I’m yet to have sex under a coalition government, so…
Alex: Hal, don’t do this. Just be nice.
Hal: I’m not nice.
Alex: So pretend.
Alex: Just when I thought this holiday could not possibly get any worse.
Hal: We have to stop Cutler. You don’t know what he’s going to do.
Alex: Yeah, I do actually. Before he killed me, he monologued the whole thing. I didn’t know people actually did that.
Alex: I’m really dead, aren’t I? This is all actually happening. I don’t understand. I came here for a holiday and now I’m dead.
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The War Child
Alex: Why am I still here? Does everyone just become a ghost for a wee bit?
Hal: No. No, you must have unfinished business. Something we must resolve before you can pass over.
Alex: Well we can poke around my business later. First I want to beat seven shades of shite out of Cutler. Hey, maybe that is my unfinished business.
Hal: Unfinished business tends to be something more life-affirming than beating someone up.
Alex: Not if you’re Scottish.
Tom: Annie, the Old Ones have arrived. We saw ’em at the warehouse.
Annie: Yeah, Eve said they’d be here soon.
Hal: Eve’s been here the whole time.
Annie: Grown-up Eve. She died an adult, travelled back through Purgatory to find me because there was something I needed to know. She took me in to her corridor. {Alex snickers}
Alex: “Took me into her corridor.” Sorry. Misjudged the mood.
Alex: Do vampires die if you blow them up?
Hal: Most things die if you blow them up. Sadly, we can’t. What with us not living in a cartoon!
Tom: Well actually, Mr. Bloody Radio Four, we can. And I’ll show you how. My team, with me.
Cutler: Hey. Didn’t I kill you?
Alex: Believe me, I’m as surprised that we’re having this conversation as you are.
Annie: I’m sorry.
Alex: Sorry? Annie, you saved her.
Annie: No. You don’t understand. I’ve betrayed you all. I’d rather let the world burn than hurt her. I let the vampires win and I’m always going to let them win. You need to get Hal and find your body and pass on. Because things are going to get very bad very quickly.
Alex: Who the hell were they?
Hal: I have no idea. But they weren’t vampires, or they’d have seen you.
Annie: Hal isn’t a living thing?
Alex: Wha– ?
Annie: Hal isn’t a living thing. {Alex grabs Hal and rent-a-ghosts him through the wall}