Episode 1 : Lia
George: So, um, it was a bed and breakfast?
Blodwen: I saw their ad in the free paper. “A slice of Heaven in Barry.” I bet Heaven didn’t have chemical toilets.
George: Do you know what really really excited us? It was the, um, it was the basement gym. See? She’s excited. Could we, uh, could we have a look?
Blodwen: Depends how good you are at handling disappointment.
Blodwen: I think gym is more a statement of intent.
Blodwen: Okay, look. I’ve had a pow-wow with my boss. And how is this: sign now and we’ll give this place a spruce. Lose the swirly carpet, get some strip floorboards, blinds and stuff. Make it look all catalogue-y.
George: Okay. Well, how long will that take?
Blodwen: Two weeks tops. I know a lot of Polish fellas. Peasant-stock. Very driven.
McNair: And he’s a werewolf?
Tom McNair: Benicio del something. He’s a Spanish actor. The special effects are amazing, Dad. I’ve seen the pictures. Anyway, there’s an 11am screening for OAPs. I thought you’d feel at home.
McNair: I dunno. Makes it seem trivial.
Tom McNair: You liked The English Patient.
McNair: Because there weren’t any werewolves in The English Patient. It had elegance.
McNair: Are they really going to show The Wolfman to a lot of OAPs? Even old people are weird now.
Mitchell: You’re my guide then?
Lia: Yes. What’s got two thumbs and just lucked out? Hello. No, I’ve always been lucky. You should rub me. I’m serious. Rub me.
Mitchell: Have we met before?
Lia: H-twelve.
Mitchell: “H Twelve.” What does that mean?
Lia: It’s a riddle. I love riddles, don’t you? Like the one about the midget. So, there’s this midget who gets into a lift and— I’ve just given away the answer. Am I rambling?
Lia: You know it’s funny, because most people would have walked into a minefield and found a way to end it all. But you didn’t. And I think that’s really brave. Sorry—why didn’t you do that?
Mitchell: I wasn’t going to let it win.
Lia: Quite right! I’m sure that’s what Arthur would have wanted. You running around with lots of girls and stuff for another century.
Annie: Oh no. They’re coming! They’ve got drums. They’re cheering. I can hear children cheering.
Lia: Must be a concept album.
Bob (Kai Owen): No need to panic. Nothing happens until it gets dark. Now then. You gonna watch or play?
George: Sorry? Play? Play what?
Bob: See where the mood takes you. My sciatica’s back so I’m just going to watch Sue and Pete in the Volvo and touch myself.
Lia: Mitchell. It’s very important that you tell me the truth. When it got chaotic with… Sally… were you topless? Well, I’m building up an image here that will come in handy later, if you know what I’m saying. I’m kidding! I’m kidding! I’m not.
Lia: You know I’m a bit confused, with this soldier guy you’d just become a vampire so it was all new and overwhelming.
Mitchell: I was a victim.
Lia: Yes. You were a victim. We agreed on that. But this is different somehow. You screwed her, I’m guessing. Then what did you use to kill her? Oh my god, you used the pot of her little Christmas tree! So that’s what people mean when they say, “Christmas does my head in.”
Mitchell: I was out of control.
Lia: You were in control enough to have sex. The soldier guy—
Mitchell: His name was Arthur.
Lia: Oh, sorry. Sorry! I should be a bit more respectful about the people you killed.
Mitchell: Why are you bringing me to these places? To punish me, is that it?
Lia: You chose the door. Next time pick one where you’re building an orphanage on the other side.
Vincent the Rhyming Vampire: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Are you all in for a maulin’? Do the children of the night wanna see a fight? So shall I introduce you to tonight’s competant. Well there ain’t a lot I can tell you about our first noble warrior. On account of the fact we picked him up yesterday and he ain’t said a fucking word since! Silent, but violent type. We’re gonna welcome him into our bosom, aren’t we? Treat him like a member of the family. Our pet dog! He’s hairy, oh he’s scary! The mute, most hirsute. The canine destined for the big time! The creature who’s pleased to meet ya! Ladies and gentlemen, the beast.
Lia: I’ve got to say, I was kind of hurt that you didn’t recognize me. Given you remembered so much about the other two. Guess you were a bit preoccupied that night.
Lia: Anyway, let me introduce you to the guys. Your twelve good men and true. Although there is twenty of us and nine are women but I’ll crack on. So this is Donna. She was a primary school teacher. You know all the kids in her class have been having nightmares since you killed her. Some have even needed counseling. Funny, isn’t it? The ripples of your actions.
Mitchell: Please. Please stop. I don’t know what I can say.
Lia: Don’t say anything. Because every word that comes out of your mouth is a fucking excuse. It’s misdirection.
Mitchell: I’m not trying to trick you.
Lia: Not us. You’re lying to yourself.
Lia: Ah, you’re doing it again. I was twenty-two. I had a peanut allergy. I wanted to be a vet. I had a little brother that I love more than anything in the world. Those are the things that make a human being! Do you taste them in our blood? The arrogance to call yourself the victim. How dare you insult us like that!
Mitchell: I didn’t mean to insult you.
Lia: You were flirting with me.
Mitchell: I just wanted you to like me.
Lia: And there we have it! You want forgiveness every day. You get a smile from me and it proves you’re not completely evil. You do a thousand small nice things and you put them against the bad. You actually do the sums in your head, don’t you?
Lia: We’ll see you soon, Mitchell.
Mitchell: You’re letting me go?
Lia: Well, as punishments go it’s pretty cruel and interesting. Isn’t it?
Lia: Annie, isn’t it? I’m Lia. Sorry about all this palaver. It’s been chaos here. Lots of people turning up early. Everyone’s in a bit of a tizz.
Annie: You’re going to take me to the room now.
Lia: Oh, the train station! Oh, sorry. This was for my three o’clock. No, you’re free to go.
Annie: I can go, really?
Lia: Yeah. You will still be dead. I should make that clear. Your body… well. It’s been over two years. No one really wants to see that.
Lia: We all end up here eventually. The problem with you was you came through the wrong door. But next time you’ll come through the right one and it’ll be Boggle and pina coladas 24-7. Spit spot! Mitchell’s waiting. Is anything going on between you guys? I mean he came to purgatory to find you. Puts my ex-boyfriend’s tattoo into perspective.
Annie: What happened to you, Lia?
Lia: A very bad thing. It’s okay. We play the long game here.
McNair: My name is McNair.
Vincent: McNair. McNair the Bear would be a good name if you were a bear, but you’re not, you’re a dog! You’re my dog. My mad dog. Mad Dog McNair. Oy, is your name Mad Dog McNair?
McNair: No, you misunderstand. You see I told you my name. Because I want it to be the last thing you ever hear. {Tom stakes Vincent}
Vincent: Stake and chips, anyone?
McNair: How did you know I was here?
Tom: Spidey Sense, Dad. Wasn’t your fault.
McNair: Come on. There’s more coming. Tom.
Tom: Dad. I saw another one. There’s another one of us.
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Episode 2 : Adam’s Family
Adam Jacobs: I still don’t see why we have to move.
Mr. Jacobs: You know why, son.
Adam: I was starting to settle. There’s a girl in Upper Sixth. I think she likes me. You should see her, Dad. She’s like a Bangle, you know, the band.
Mr. Jacobs: Where are you going?
Adam: I’m hungry.
Mr. Jacobs: No. No, son I’ll see to you.
Adam: It’s mom’s turn.
Mr. Jacobs: No, I said I’ll do it. Come on, son.
Nina: And where do you think you’re going?
Adam: Oh, I thought I’d try my luck in hematology.
Nina: I know what you are.
Adam: So you know what I’ll do if you come any nearer. Goldie.
Nina: What, like the rapper?
Nina: Like you said, he’s still effectively being breast fed.
Adam: Well, if you’re offering.
George: Oh, can you not ask my girlfriend to suckle you, please?
Nina: Right. You. You’re going home with George.
Adam: What, to your kennel?
Nina: Ah. There go my kidneys as my sides split.
Richard: You’re a worryingly easy man to find. I assumed you’d be keeping a low profile and then suddenly your name pops up on a job application. Bad move, that. Sloppy.
Mitchell: Who are you?
Richard: Richard Hargraves. {he hands him his business card for Cwality Carpets}
Mitchell: Alright, so all of this cloak-and-dagger stuff is to sell me a rug, is it?
Richard: Sarcasm. How unsurprising.
Richard: So this is what all the fuss is about. You know, I expected some demon. What do I find? The last Russell Brand in the shop. With me.
Mitchell: Oh, I’m sorry, pal. I’m not going anywhere.
Richard: Oh, I think you are. You see, I’m here to discuss the Box Tunnel 20. Come on.
Richard: Have you any idea of the trouble your little escapade has caused? I mean, have you seen the newspaper in the last four weeks? This is the biggest manhunt for a century and you’re strutting around in broad daylight. What happens when the police catch up with you? When they try to take your picture? All our cover is blown. An entire race, hidden for millennia, exposed by your weakness.
Mitchell: Come on, I’d never get arrested! I know what to do.
Richard: Clearly not. Which is why the Old Ones contacted me. They want you to join them in South America. They’ve asked me to organize transit. You’ll travel with my next shipment. Keep these papers with you and they’ll guarantee your safe passage. The details are all inside and there’s some cash for emergencies. Oh, and while on board, you are not—I repeat not—to touch any of my carpets.
Mitchell: Wait, wait a second! I’m not an Old One. I’m a hundred and seventeen.
Richard: You are the most wanted man in the country. Hardly the time to quibble about your age.
Mitchell: You know there’s nothing funnier than a vampire taking a moral high ground. Underneath the driving gloves and the business cards we’re all the same, brother.
Richard: Woah. Let me make this clear to you, we are not the same. I am not a servant to my condition. I have systems in place that allow me to feed without this carnage. You are weak. You are craven. And your pathetic tantrums threaten us all.
Adam: Mitchell? Is that another ghost? It’s bloody Hogwarts, this place.
George: No. Mitchell is a vampire actually.
Adam: Vamp… At last, someone normal.
Adam: I’ve never met anyone like me before. Apart from the first time and that was mostly fighting him off. Badly. Please. No one’s ever taught me to do this.
Mitchell: Adam, here’s the thing, right? I don’t care.
Adam: Yeah, like I want to hang out with some whiffy goth anyway.
Mitchell: Excuse me?
Adam: Just because you’re a vampire doesn’t mean you have to smell like the undead. One word Mitch, deodorant.
Adam: You wanna watch yourself with this one as well, Mitch. Been giving me the glad eye ever since I arrived. She loves a bit of fang.
Mr. Jacobs: You all right? Have you fed?
Adam: Yeah, it’s okay. I’ve got these people looking after me.
Mr. Jacobs: Do they— they understand, do they?
Adam: It’s fine. They’re nice.
Mr. Jacobs: You give me a minute, we’ll get out of here.
Adam: No, listen to me. You have to stay here.
Mr. Jacobs: I’m just so, so tired.
Adam: You gave me too much Dad. You made yourself weak.
Mr. Jacobs: What else could we do. You know, even when they’re all grown up people say to their kids, “You were always my little boy.” You really were. Maybe we, we were blessed.
Adam: Dad, please don’t go. Please don’t leave me! I can’t do this on my own. Dad, I’m scared. What’s going to happen?
Mr. Jacobs (as a ghost): I don’t know. Oh god, Adam. I don’t know. {he passes through the Door}
Adam: I think he knew what was going to happen. That’s why he came back to Wales. He wanted to die here. This is it. I’m on my own.
George: Oh no, you’re not.
Adam: You and Nina are just dealing with a problem. That’s all I am to you.
George: Look, I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling, because personally I haven’t been through it.
Adam: I know. You’re just a kid.
George: Yeah. But whatever you’re feeling, you can tell me. Honestly.
Adam: Do you want to know how I’m feeling George? Hungry.
Richard: See, the depravity of the human heart knows no bounds. Name your blackest desires and somewhere, out in the sweating mass of humanity, you’ll find someone all too happy to gratify them.
Number Seven: Shall I feed the boy now?
Emma: Oh, not yet, Seven. We’re going to make a night of it. After all, Adam’s finally where he belongs. We should welcome him in style.
Richard: I’ll put the plastic sheeting down in the box room, eh.
News Reporter: …and now Jim Warren’s here with all the sport. Jim?
Jim: Thanks very much.
Our main story tonight is the much anticipated clash between the vampire John Mitchell and an as-yet unnamed werewolf. Of course regular viewers will know that this has been on the fixture list since a prophecy was given to Mitchell by one of his victims. That he would be killed by a werewolf. But in a surprise move, Mitchell’s camp recently cast doubt on the reliability of this prophecy. They’ve dismissed it as mind games. Prompting this response from Team Werewolf: “Mitchell won’t be saying that when he gets his head ripped off. There’s a wolf-shaped bullet with his name on it. Mitchell’s gonna get got.” So it just looks like this story refuses to stay dead.
Emma: Oh you’re dressed already. What a shame.
Adam: I’m not sure about this.
Emma: Oh, that was Number Two’s. He was a smallish gentleman. That’s why he only lasted such a short time. I think it’s a close enough fit.
Adam: Yeah. Well I usually go for a more relaxed vibe.
Emma: Oh, but the great and the good are gathering. You’ve spent too long with lesser species. The trash out on the housing estates. The dole scum. The layabouts. Werewolves. Come with me.
Adam: Yeah, no, I’m actually tired. Really.
Emma: Oh hush now! It’s time for you to claim your heritage. As a vampire. And as a man.
Emma: Everybody, this is our boy Adam. These will be your kind of people now. Melvin there is a dentist. Simon, and ah, oh, is that Sue? Hi Sue! They work in local government, and, ah, oh! Tina and Liam run a garden center. Classy. Should we go upstairs?
Adam: Please. Yeah.
Richard: Tonight our young boy Adam shall become a man!
Emma: I trust you’ll all show him, well, us, your encouragement!
Richard: And just to celebrate this very special occasion, I’ve decided to push the boat out. Emma, my sweet!
Emma: Of course.
Richard: Number Seven’s time has finally arrived! Number Seven. Adam, my boy. It is time to drink him dry.
Richard: You come in here with your ridiculous blunt morality and you understand nothing of his world, nothing of his needs! Tell you what, let’s leave it to Adam, eh? So Adam, what’s it to be? A life of comfort, privilege and all the pleasures that a young man could ever dream of. Or hardship, desperation and hunger.
Adam: I choose them.
George: Ah. You may need to be a bit more specific.
Adam: Oh, yeah, I mean you. George and Nina, I choose you.
George: Yes!
Emma: What did you say?
Adam: Well I don’t want this. I mean it’s completely fucked up.
Emma: Adam, for gods sake. Drink the man’s blood and have sex with me on the billiard table. You are embarrassing us!
Richard: These are not your people! These animals!
Adam: Yeah, tell it to someone who gives a shit.
George: Okay, I think we’ve made our point.
Richard: You and your bitch will regret this. Mark my words.
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Episode 3 : Type 4
Sasha: Oh yeah, you’re the big man aren’t you? Hittin’, pushin’ a woman! Arsehole! Yeah, and I wasn’t stealing anything, by the way. Those drinks were dead!
Sasha: Why don’t you take a picture, you nosy bitch!
Annie: You can see me?
Sasha: What? Oh… think you’re better than me do you? Little Miss Soddin’ High and Mighty, is it?
Annie: What, what can we get for you?
Sasha: Straighteners!
Annie: Straighteners?
George: Straighteners?
Sasha: Yeah.
George: Oh good. Great. Because that will solve everything.
Mitchell: So what do we call you?
Sasha: Anything you like, sweetheart. {Annie yanks her hair with the flatiron}.
Annie: Oh! Oh, sorry. Look, you got caught there. Caught a bit of your hair, sorry.
Sasha: Don’t worry, babe. I can tell you’re not used to a beauty regime.
Mitchell: Well, um, I’m Mitchell.
Sasha: Hi Mitchell! I’m Sasha. Like the Beyoncé album.
Nina: I’m Nina.
Sasha: My gran was called Nina. Aw, aren’t you short!
George: That’s a beautiful dress, Sasha. Wonderful cut. Have you, have you been to hospital recently?
Sasha: Okay. Confession time. I was involved in a car accident. But, you know, it wasn’t my fault. Well, I was texting while I was driving, but that’s not the same as making a phone call. In my Beemer. Prussian blue. Heated seats, all the extras. I love my little extras.
Annie: So you died, did you?
Sasha: Well no. I mean obviously I didn’t. Yeah, but apparently it was touch and go. Oh, and let me tell you, the doctors were very interested in me. wouldn’t leave me alone. Kept on prodding and poking me. And I said, you better warm that up before you put it near me! Woo! I know! What is that smell?
Sasha: So, um, what’s Mitchell’s story? Is he single?
Annie: No. No, he’s my boyfriend.
Sasha: Really?
Annie: Yup.
Sasha: Wow.
God, you did well there, didn’t you?
Graham: Funny, somehow I thought you’d be taller. I mean, close up like.
Mitchell: Sorry, do I know you?
Graham: Oh, no. No no. God no, no it’s just that… well, um, it’s just that I’m like you.
Mitchell: Okay, easy, easy. So you’re a vampire.
Graham: Yeah. I am a Brother of the Blood. Name’s Graham. Well, Graham was my mortal name. But when I was reborn to the night I took the name Obsidian. Graham’s fine. Obsidian, I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s a shit name.
Mitchell: Yeah. Um. Alright, Graham. I’m kind of busy right now, so can I help you with anything?
Graham: Oh, I feel a little bit embarrassed now, but I am a bit of a fan boy. Well, you could say “fang boy”.
Mitchell: Yeah yeah yeah. I get it.
Graham: And I was a massive Neil Diamond fan. Do you know Neil Diamond? No, doesn’t matter. But that kind of gave me the idea. So now I’m on a sort of pilgrimage, you know, like a star tour? And I’m visiting all the legends in our little world so naturally—
Mitchell: You came to see me.
Graham: Oh my god, I mean, you are up there with the greats. I mean what you did in Bristol was just…
Mitchell: Remind me. Again.
Graham: Oh no, wait. You don’t need to be modest. You got a whole chapter of vampires to renounce blood. Amazing.
Graham: Oh my god, I wish I had a camera. Not that it would do me much good since we don’t show up on photos. Which is doubly ironic, considering what I used to do for a living. Go on, guess, Mitchell.
Mitchell: You can’t work here.
Graham: Bingo! Photographer.
Graham: Cara says hello.
Mitchell: What did you say?
Graham: Oh yeah, she got over that whole “pretending to kill her, bricking her up” thing. You’d have to ask her though.
Mitchell: Where is she?
Graham: Don’t know. She’s around though. Dealing up trouble.
Annie: We should probably go, Sasha. ‘Cause he’s bound to call the police.
Sasha: No he’s not, what’s he going to say? My dead girlfriend came back, and… oof. ‘Cause I am dead, aren’t I? I keep saying I’m not but, oh. I can smell myself.
Annie: Graham was just telling me about the time you went skiing.
Mitchell: Funny. I don’t remember that. At all.
Graham: Well it was more falling than skiing. I swear we spent more time that week on our backs with snow in our mouths than we did on skis.
Mitchell: You see, I don’t remember it because it didn’t happen.
Graham: Yeah, he was tough back then too. When he was training me. Such a hard taskmaster too. All’s he used to say was, “Train train train train, train, bloody train.” You remember that, Mitchell? Bloody train?
Mitchell: You are in my home. With my friends. That is a big no no.
Graham: They could be my friends too.
Mitchell: No, they couldn’t!
Graham: And you’ve got a spare room, I could move in. Be nice to have Annie just down the corridor.
Mitchell: Don’t you even think about it.
Graham: That girl, she’s really holding a torch for you. And I’m thinking she doesn’t know, does she? About his greatest work. About all those people he ripped apart in that train. The Box Tunnel 20. And I think she needs to know. I think she needs to know about the real Mitchell. See how she feels about him then. Or we could maybe, just maybe, forget about the whole thing. Sit down, watch a bit of Wipeout, have a biscuit. I think that’d be for the best, don’t you?
Sasha: Say it loud, I’m dead and I’m proud! Deal with it.
Mitchell: It’s over. We are done here.
Graham: What are you doing? Have you forgotten what I know about you?
Mitchell: Screw it! Tell her.
Graham: I really don’t think you want me to talk.
Mitchell: I don’t care anymore. Maybe it’s time they knew what I really am. I don’t deserve them as friends. I never have. So how about this, right—you tell them what I did. Or I will.
Graham: You’re bluffing.
Mitchell: Oh, if you think that then you really don’t know me at all, do you?
Sasha: Don’t let them take me, Annie. Don’t let them burn me. Promise you’ll bury me.
Mitchell: You don’t have to do this.
Graham: You think I can’t? You think I don’t have it in me?
Mitchell: It isn’t hard to do. The hard part is not doing it. And I failed. And I’ve regretted it every minute of every day since.
Graham: Then you are weak.
Graham: Who should I do first? Maybe I’ll take the child. Make the father watch. I killed my own children, you know. Ripped out their throats. Drained them dry. Nothing’s quite seemed real since then.
Mitchell: I’m sorry for what’s happened to you, I really am. I’m sorry I rejected you. But this isn’t the way.
Graham: You don’t get it, do you? I wanna be the new legend that vampires whisper about in the night. The new king of blood. Starting from now.
Graham: So what now? Eh? You gonna kill me? ‘Cause you don’t kill other vampires, Mitchell. Cara proves that. You wanna throw me off the train, go on. That’s fine. ‘Cause there’s plenty of other trains there’s plenty of other easy targets. And I swear to you, when I’m done I’ll make your little massacre look like a fucking paper cut!
Graham: Tell people that you liked me.
Mitchell: I will.
Sasha: Do you know what I wish? I wish I’d done more. Of everything. Even the stupid stuff. […] Or buying a new rug. A new car. What does any of that matter now? You’ve got to promise me you won’t let any of those chances pass you by.
Annie: I promise.
Sasha: But it all goes. It all falls away. The looks, money. Lovers, friends.
Annie: Not all your friends.
Sasha: No. Not all your friends. And the ones that are there at the end, they’re the real ones, aren’t they?
Annie: Yeah. Yeah.
Sasha: Thank you. For being my friend Annie.
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Episode 4 : The Pack
15 Years Ago
McNair: Okay, you won’t remember, but when you were small, mum used to tell you to be brave. Before me and her would go into the woods. And you were. You were so brave, Tom. And you have to be now. You’re gonna be brave, aren’t you? Maybe next month you’ll be brave enough to come with me.
Tom: Augh! Dad! Dad! Don’t leave!
Tom: Dad, he’s back. The one I told you about.
McNair: Where?
Tom: Close. With a woman. Probably more of them.
McNair: Get inside.
Tom: Can’t I talk to him?
McNair: Get inside.
Tom: But Dad, what about the pack? I don’t want to go inside—
McNair: Shh!
Tom: I want to talk to him. Why—
McNair: Get in. And don’t come out until I call ya.
George: Hi. Just tuning up?
McNair: Fan belt’s gone.
George: Oh. If I had a pair of stockings on me I’d hand them over. Not that I do. Wear. Stockings… much. I’m actually looking for someone else. Younger guy, early twenties. Saw him about a month ago. Dragging a chicken.
McNair: Only parked up a couple of nights back.
McNair: Sorry you had to see this, but he shouldn’t have brought you here. I suggest you take this young lady home.
Tom: She was pretty though, wasn’t she?
McNair: We do not judge women by their looks.
Tom: Why didn’t you tell them the truth?
McNair: We don’t know them.
Tom: Yeah, but if they’re like us shouldn’t we help them?
McNair: Just because they’re like us, does not mean they’re like us.
Tom: What if they’re part of the pack?
McNair: They’re not.
Tom: How do you know?
McNair: I just do.
Tom: Then how will I know?
McNair: You know in the summer when we pick fruit, the flower’s open for the bees? Well, you’re like a bee and you’re looking for a flower. It’s nature, Tom.
Tom: I don’t understand, Dad. All right? If it’s normal then why wouldn’t you let me speak to them?
McNair: Look, you’re going to feel certain urges. Hm? I was the same.
Tom: With mum.
McNair: But you shouldn’t get that confused with finding the pack. You know? Because one day, when we do, you’ll meet someone you like and she feels the same then you can be a bee and… she can be a flower and—they should get some air conditioning in here—I’m just saying, there’s not rush. It’s a special thing. And it needs to be with a special person. Like you.
Nina: Have you heard of other pregnant werewolves?
Tom: Of course. Mom and Dad.
Nina: So you were born a werewolf.
George: He was.
Tom: And I’m all right, aren’t I?
McNair: You’re perfect.
George: And the pregnancy. It was… it was fine? Even during the full moon?
Tom: Tell him Dad. The curse is really a blessing.
McNair: You know when your bones break? They mend… harder. And when your skin tears. It’ll heal. Tougher. The curse, it doesn’t hurt you. It makes you stronger.
George: Well that’s brilliant. Isn’t it?
Nina: What happened to your mum?
Tom: She was killed. By vampires.
Nina: What happened to your mum, Tom? If you don’t mind my asking.
Tom: We used to live in a house like you. With a TV and a garden. Didn’t bother anybody, just kept ourselves to ourselves. Then they sort of found out what we were. Maybe they saw mom and dad in the forest. Then the vampires came. Heard the story of the three little wolves. And the big fat pig burst out of the ass. Dad fought as many as he could but there were too many of them, and when mom tried to run away she was too slow ’cause she was carrying me.
Nina: How old were you?
Tom: Just a baby. Vampires don’t care.
Nina: So you don’t remember any of this yourself?
Tom: Nope. Dad taught me everything.
Nina: And you believe him?
Tom: Well he’s a good man.
Nina: Oh yeah. But even so it can’t be healthy, just the two of you all the time.
Tom: That’s why we’re looking for the pack.
George: The pack?
Tom: It’s like a family of people, like the three of us. Where we belong.
George: I was attacked. I’m not a part of any pack.
Tom: Doesn’t matter. If the werewolf that chose you was part of our pack then you are too.
Nina: And… where are you going to find this pack?
Tom: Could be anywhere. That’s why we keep on moving.
McNair: Lovely girl.
Mitchell: you don’t talk to her. You don’t even look at her.
McNair: Lucky she’s dead already. Saves you the trouble of killing her one day.
Mitchell: What are you doing here? Really? Did somebody send you for me?
McNair: Vampires and their vanity.
Mitchell: I’ve done nothing to you.
McNair: You spilled my boy’s blood. So I’m going to spill yours.
McNair: Now how did you get in there? I didn’t invite you.
Mitchell: Yeah. Little factoid for you: mobile homes don’t count. It must be something to do with all the gypsies we used to munch on in Transylvania. I could never remember to work it out. I want you out of my house.
McNair: I was just getting comfortable.
Mitchell: You’ve outstayed your welcome, McNair. You hang around any longer and it’s bad manners, you hear me?
McNair: Ah well, McNairs. We’re stubborn bastards. My granddad lived to be a hundred and three. That’s older than a lot of vampires. I’m coming for you, pal. You can’t outrun me. You definitely can’t outfight me. You can’t even outlive me.
McNair: Yeah, finding the pack’s important but there’s another reason we live like this.
Tom: Kill vampires.
McNair: It’s our calling. It’s our task. We are soldiers.
Tom: I know, Dad—
McNair: So you get your results tomorrow and we go. Don’t get too attached. George and Nina aren’t going to like us after we kill their friend.
Sadie: What do you think I’m here for, the conversation?
Annie: Oh. Clearly not.
George: Who were you? Before all this?
McNair: Before Tom I was nothing. I was wild. I was a danger to myself as much as anyone else. Tom saved me.
Tom: So how are the results?
Nina: I’m not going to examine you. You can put your clothes back on.
Tom: I didn’t take my top off for that. If I have to leave tomorrow I just want you to know how I feel.
Nina: Tom—
Tom: And I think you feel the same.
Nina: No, but—
George: What’s going on?
Tom: I love her.
Nina: What?
George: I love her.
Tom: Well maybe we both love her. And that makes us a pack.
Nina: There is no pack. Your tests yesterday, I sent them to a lab. The police keep records of missing people in case they ever turn up in hospital. You’re not who you think you are. I’m sorry Tom, but you weren’t born a werewolf. You caught it. Like us.
McNair: Please Tom, don’t do this.
Tom: And me mum?
McNair: I was changed. I didn’t know what I was doing! You must have been camping, the three of you. I don’t remember. I come back the next day, you’re there. You were just a baby. I thought you were dead. But you were warm and bloody and you were still breathing. How was I supposed to explain it, Tom? I always tried to do the best for you.
Tom: What about the pack?
McNair: It’s just me and you.
McNair: Ladies and gentlemen, there’s been a change to tonight’s billing. In three minutes I’m gonna kill everyone in this room.
McNair: Maybe they are your pack.
Tom: I think they’ve got their own pack. No, back to Cornwall’s where I want to go.
McNair: You can take the truck. I’ll be all right.
Tom: We still need to find a distributor cap. Plus you need to teach me how to drive.
Mitchell: We’re square now. After everything. You and me, yeah?
McNair: You think one good deed cancels out everything you’ve done? Yeah we may be square but you’ll get yours. Someday. Soon. Somebody’s going to get you. Bang.
View all quotes from this episode
Episode 5 : The Longest Day
Bazzer: How’re you doing, Top Gun?
Wendy: Bloody Druids.
Nina: Sorry?
Wendy: Why I wasn’t able to meet you at the hospital and drive you home. It’s the bloody Druids! Having one of their bonanzas, all of them. On the laylines and they’re blocking off the road. The queue’s going right back. Everyone’s effing and jeffing.
Nina grabbing the sandwich: I’ll take that for you, shall I? Just.. yeah.
Wendy: Sorry.
I mean they call themselves Druids but I recognized quite a few faces from B&Q. So I asked them, where’s my sodding kitchen units then? Be with me Monday, apparently. They’ve been saying that for two weeks. Bastards. I hope a standing stone falls on them. Excuse me if I’m talking a lot. I had three Red Bulls in the car. Yeah, anyhow. Won’t take up too much of your time. I know it’s getting late. Just got to dot the i’s, cross the t’s. Then if anything goes wrong it won’t be me at your doorstep, but the tabloids. Little social services in-joke for you there. Never fails to crack me up.
Wendy: Is she all right?
Mitchell: Oh. Yeah yeah yeah. She’s a hard core raver. Festival season. She looks like she’s just fallen off a park bench now, but a hot shower and some beans on toast and she’s back to the building society in her navy suit.
Wendy: Oh, it’s… raving. I was young once too…. Once.
Mitchell: Of course you were.
Cara: Ages it took me to find you. Tracked the dogs. Knew you wouldn’t be too far behind them.
Mitchell: What are you doing here?
Cara: Need your help. With Herrick.
Mitchell: Oh great, you know about him.
Cara: Of course I bloody know. I brought him back! He run off from me at the hospital. I need to find him.
Mitchell: You brought him back? Ah, well, aren’t you the clever girl.
Cara: He told me how to do it. He’s our captain. He’d always find a way. And he told me and I done it to the letter. But he don’t know me. He don’t know what he’s for.
Mitchell: Bullshit! He remembers!
Cara: He doesn’t. I bled myself near enough out, over and over, just so he could get a taste and realize, but he just screams. You’re the only one who can make him how he’s supposed to be.
Mitchell: How did he come back?
Cara: What’s it matter to you all of a sudden?
Mitchell: Cara, Cara listen to me. I need to know. Okay, I really need to know. Because… I’ve been told that I’m gonna get got. Alright? I don’t know when, but one full moon a werewolf is going to kill me, Cara. And I am not willing to accept that. That, ah—
Cara: Prophecy?
Mitchell: Yeah. I won’t have it. I don’t want to die, sweetheart. So you’re gonna have to tell me.
Cara: I’ll tell you. Just as soon as you make my Herrick right. Tit for tat, Mitchell. Tit for tat.
Mitchell: Don’t leave this room.
Cara: I’m going nowhere, Big Bad John.
Mitchell: It’s a contemplation room.
Wendy: I tried that. Contemplation. Meditation. Ended up boring myself.
Cara: Think you’re a proper princess you, looking down your nose at me. But I got something you daren’t even dream of.
Annie: What’s that?
Cara: A demon lover.
Annie: How’d it happen? You being made, I mean.
Cara: He came for me at night. After my shift. I locked up and took the rubbish out the back and there he was. He smiled at me and took me in his arms. He said I was his bride in glory. And the world was all sparkles and gold.
Annie: Hm. A knee-trembler by the bins. That’s enough to put stars in any girl’s eyes.
Cara: You wouldn’t understand.
Annie: Oh I don’t know. I think we got quite a lot in common. I loved my fiancé. Put my heart on a plate for him. And he killed me.
Cara: Herrick didn’t kill me. He chose me because I was special! He made me part of the master race. Everything I am is for him and he loves me.
Annie: But he doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know any of us. So if he doesn’t know you, doesn’t remember, then it’s all over, isn’t it?
Cara: What do you mean he doesn’t know you? He’s up at that hospital!
Annie: No, he’s upstairs.
Wendy: Barbara. Call you back. No. It’s just I’m actually on the toilet. Doing an actual wee.
Cara: You have to remember now! You have to tell them who we are. Because you know me really, don’t you? I’m your Cara. The chosen one. Together we are divinity.
Cara: But I’m nothing without you.
Herrick: Well then. You are nothing.
Wendy: Here you all are. What’s going on in here then? {smells smoke} Are you smoking? Oh, fantastic! I am— Thank you Jesus. I’m supposed to be giving up, um. Sod it. Always keep one, for emergency. {the room is silent} You must be Uncle Billy. Hello.
George: Thank you for not saying anything.
Herrick: Well I didn’t want anyone to get into trouble. You haven’t done anything to me. But your friend, you wanna watch him.
Herrick: George— it is George, isn’t it? Did I do something to you? Some injustice? Some injury?
George: Look just stop it, all right? Enough! You know. You know. You remember.
Herrick: I don’t. I don’t even know why I’m here.
Wendy: I’ve got forty-seven caseloads. I’m not coping. I don’t sleep. {her phone rings}. That’ll be her again. Yep. Day and night, she’s always picking holes in everything I do. She doesn’t let up. You better talk to her.
Nina hanging up the phone: Wendy. I’m going to do you a very big favor, okay? You write it up like nothing happened, sign it off and we keep it between us.
Wendy: Oh. Thank you. Oh, thank you thank you.
Herrick: What was it that I did to you?
George: It’s complicated.
Herrick: And did you do something to me?
George: Yeah, you could say that.
Herrick: I apologize. Whatever it was it must have been pretty serious. You don’t seem the type to be violent. And you’re going to be a father too.
George: How do you know?
Herrick: I heard Nina say. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been listening.
Herrick: You’ll be a good father. You need to have more faith in yourself, George.
Herrick: You really intrigue me, little lady.
Herrick: She couldn’t see you. I can see you, those others they can see you. That idiot woman, she couldn’t. Why?
Annie: She’s not an idiot. She was nice.
Herrick: Nice? Who wants to be nice?
Annie: I do.
Herrick: Why? I mean nice isn’t really working for you, is it? You don’t really fit in. Nobody really listens. You’re a bit… peripheral. Like a regimental mascot.
Annie: I fit in just fine. And you are going to have to work a lot harder than that to get to me.
Herrick: Just tell me how you do it.
Annie: Guess.
Herrick: Give me a clue, little lady. Chuck me a bone. What are you?
Annie: What am I? On to you. Is what I am. I’m on to you. Little man.
Nina: You’re looking better.
Herrick: I’ve found something. I think you should see it.
Herrick: The others, they don’t see what kind of man he is. But you and I, we see. We must keep this to ourselves. Our secret. For now.
Mitchell: Okay, if this amnesia was a bluff even you’d be cracking by now. So let’s take it from the top. William Herrick. Born 1843. Made vampire in 1890. You survived a werewolf attack.
Herrick: If you don’t mind me saying so, old son, I think you’re a bit touched with the simple stick.
Herrick: It’s going to be the most beautiful day.
View all quotes from this episode
Episode 6 : Daddy Ghoul
Paris 1933
Herrick: Something-something-something—
Mitchell about his jaw: Yeah. There’s a definite dent.
Herrick: —E-something-something-S.
Mitchell: Here, have a feel of this.
Herrick: Don’t come any closer.
Mitchell: No seriously, have a feel of it.
Herrick: I said, do not come near me.
Mitchell: And what, you want me to apologize? I’m the one who looks like I’m wearing my face inside out! You’re the one who should be apologizing.
Herrick: I told you to let her die.
Mitchell: I wanted some company!
Herrick: You’ve got company.
Mitchell: Other company, Herrick!
Herrick: I said no recruitment.
Herrick: You know the Old Ones, they kill at will. But they don’t recruit lightly. In fact, most of them only do it once. They choose a protège. It’s an eternal bond.
Mitchell: I don’t need a protège.
Herrick: It isn’t always about you. Why do you think some of us live forever and others are like… fireflies?
Mitchell: Because some of us are smart and some of us are stupid.
Herrick: If you choose an heir, they inherit all your secrets. They become a dark angel. Your protector. Your savior.
Mitchell: Savior from what?
Herrick: Oh. Perhaps a fate we’ve been led to belief there is no salvation from.
Mitchell: So… if something happens to you…
Herrick: They can bring you back.
Mitchell: And that’s possible?
Herrick: That and so much more.
Mitchell: So you want me to be your heir?
Mitchell: Do you want me to help you? Do you want me to make this go away?
Herrick: Of course I do!
Mitchell: You know why you’re suffering.
Herrick: I don’t!
Mitchell: You know. You might not understand it yet, but you know. It’s an instinct. You need to drink.
George, Sr.: George? My god. I don’t, I can’t— I don’t dare believe it. My god, George. I thought you were dead. I thought I’d never see you again. I hoped… I prayed. I dreamt, but I never actually— Here you are. You’ve come back. You’ve come back to me. Say something to your old man.
George: I’ve missed you, Dad.
George, Sr.: So you’re telling me I’m a ghost? I’m dead. That’s my funeral. That’s my coffin. And I’m a ghost. {George nods}. And nobody can see me? Or hear me?
George: No. It does take a little bit of getting used to. You’ll be fine, Dad.
George, Sr.: Wish I thought so.
George: You will. I promise.
George, Sr.: Three years, and then you finally come back just like this. Under these circumstances. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful. But, um, I just feel so…
George: What?
George, Sr.: Guilty. Because now I know why you left. Why you stayed away. What made you run and hide.
George: Now you know? You know? You know what I am?
George, Sr.: Yeah.
George: Do you think I’m a freak?
George, Sr.: Of course I don’t, son.
George: Annie knew too. She knew the moment she met me. It’s supernaturals, they see the crosses others bear so clearly. The scars on our soul.
George, Sr.: Annie?
George: She’s my friend. She’s a ghost too.
George, Sr.: When did you start— I mean how did it, you know, begin?
George: Well it was in Scotland. That’s when… It’s still quite difficult to, um…
George, Sr.: Well I wish you’d come to me, talked to me.
George: You couldn’t have changed anything, Dad. It’s not like there’s a cure. For the rest of my life I’m going to be howling at the moon.
George, Sr.: you poor thing.
George: Besides, I don’t want to burden you with any of this. Or mom.
George, Sr.: She never gave up hope, you know. Well, I mean, she was right not to.
Meanwhile, back at Honolulu Heights…
DC Reed: Are you John Mitchell?
Mitchell: Yeah.
DC Reed: DC Reed from CID. I just need to ask you a few questions, if you could try and answer them that would be great. If you can’t that’s fine too. Because this is basically a barrel of [?]. I’m from the major time-wasting unit. I just need to make sure I inconvenience as many people as possible today. Oh! My heel broke. I fell so ungraciously it was borderline pornographic. And then I saw a homeless guy laugh at me. It’s been a spectacular day thus far.
George: I can’t get my head around this. What happened with you and mum? When did she start seeing Mr. Logue?
George, Sr.: Well, ah, they both attended the same Salsa dancing class.
George: Salsa dancing?
George, Sr.: Yeah. And well they were partnered up for the cha cha. No, wait. [Tell a lie]. It was the rhumba. And, basically, it just went from there.
George: Well how does it go from kick-ball-change to suddenly walking out on a twenty-five-year marriage and shacking up with a failed athlete?
George, Sr.: Kick-ball-change is a Jazz step, isn’t it?
George: Um. No no, they do use it in Latin America too.
George, Sr.: Oh, really?
George: Yeah, I’m sure I’ve seen it on Strictly. This is not the point!
George, Sr.: Look George, I was as surprised as you. The last thing I expected to [determine] was she had a lover.
George: Oh my god, ugh! I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you’re a ghost or you just used the word “lover.” What did you do when you found out?
George, Sr.: Well…
George: Oh, woah. relax there, Valentino.
George, Sr.: No, she’d made up her mind. He makes her happy. I obviously couldn’t. What? Did you think time would stand still when you left?
George: No, no of course not! It’s just him, living in our house. And you shacked up here like… King of the Gypsies. Yeah that wasn’t a compliment Dad.
George, Sr.: Come on, I’ll make us a cup of tea.
George: Oh god. Not another ghost who makes tea they can’t drink.
George, Sr.: Oh. Er, force of habit. So… what now?
George, Sr.: This passing over, what does it involve exactly?
George: It’s not as daunting as it sounds. Basically a door appears.
George, Sr.: A door?
George: Yeah, a door comes
and you walk through it.
George, Sr.: What kind of door?
George: What do you mean?
George, Sr.: Well, what type of door is it? Wooden? Glazed, PVC, paneled…
George: What? This is what concerns you? Not what lies beyond the door but the materials used to construct it?
George, Sr.: So you’re saying when I least expect it a door will just pop up and I’ll walk through it and you’ll wake up one morning and I’ll be gone forever?
George: It’s not when you least expect it. You’re hanging around for a reason. there’s obviously still something you need to do. You do that thing and the door comes.
George, Sr.: Here we are.
George: Well what happened? I don’t understand.
George, Sr.: Oh, there was a fire.
George: A fire? You died in a fire? I didn’t realize.
George, Sr.: Well it doesn’t matter how I died.
George: Of course it matters! A fire, that’s, that’s painful. It’s frightening.
George, Sr.: No, George, it wasn’t like that. Honestly.
George: Don’t lie to me Dad.
George, Sr.: No, I fell asleep. I did. Fell asleep and when I opened my eyes it was over.
George: Well how did it even start?
George, Sr.: Um… I don’t know.
George: You must have some idea.
George, Sr.: I’d like to leave now, George. I don’t know what possessed me to come back here anyway.
George: Dad—
Mitchell: Me? Why would I have any information? Why would anyone say that?
DC Reed: It’s probably someone you’ve pissed off. Maybe an ex-girlfriend? Or one of the neighbors? Maybe they don’t like your hair. Or maybe they find that accent really annoying. You might never find out.
Mitchell: I don’t know anything about this. Nothing at all.
DC Reed: Thank you for your time. And for a truly extraordinary cup of tea.
Annie: Oh, Nancy, stop with the tea.
George: Are you joking? I can’t believe you’ve never seen it.
George, Sr.: Well I didn’t think I’d like it.
George: What, it’s over fifteen hundred people drowning whilst Celine Dion wails like a banshee. What’s not to like? Seriously, Dad. I don’t think that’s your unfinished business.
George, Sr.: Why couldn’t she have moved over a bit? That piece of wood she was floating on was massive.
George, Sr.: When I’m gone and your minds at rest, and you know that I’m okay. Then you can go and see your mum.
George: Mum? Oh no, no, Dad. I came back for your funeral and that’s all. I need to keep all this—what I am, what I’ve become—away from her.
George, Sr.: She can cope, George. I did.
George: Dad. Death gives you a great sense of perspective.
Nina: We met at the hospital, we had an argument. Well, I say “argument.” It consisted of me ranting in his general direction.
George, Sr.: Well it sounds like the arguments I used to have with my wife.
Nina: Yeah, I’m trying to reign it in a bit.
George, Sr.: No, no. Don’t do that.
Nina: No?
George, Sr.: No, it’s good. It’s spark. It’s life. When George left, Ruth—that’s his mum—well, she retreated into herself and I couldn’t drag her back. I’ll tell you something, when everything fades to silence you miss those one-sided arguments.
DC Reed: I saw those men and women. Or… what was left of them. All I want to do is help catch the bastard that butchered them.
Cooper: And you will, Nancy. You will.
Annie: Don’t beat yourself up about it.
DC Reed: This place’ll be the death of me.
Annie: Tell me about it, Reed. Tell me about it.
Marcus Logue: So hold on, let me get this straight. You left home three years ago because you decided to…
George: To… join a cult.
Marcus Logue: Join a cult. Good. That’s what I thought you said. And you made no attempt to contact your mother and put her out of her misery because?
George: Because it was like a prison. And we had to escape in the end, didn’t we Nina?
Nina: I was in the cult? I was. I was in the cult.
Marcus Logue: You had to escape?
George: Yeah, we secretly chipped away at this wall everyday, and then we covered up the hole with this, um, old poster of Raquel Welch. Until eventually we were able to tunnel our way out of there.
Marcus Logue: Isn’t that the plot of Shawshank Redemption?
Marcus Logue: Well if you don’t get the basics right, they are going to be screwed up, aren’t they?
Nina: You sound like an expert, Marcus.
Marcus Logue: I am a teacher.
Nina: Of rounders!
George, Sr.: We made sure George Sands died in that fire.
George: Why would you even want that?
George, Sr.: I needed to start over. Go somewhere else. Be somebody else. By the time you turned up, it had all gone too far. But when you started talking about unfinished business, I thought, Good. I can stall things for a bit. Spend some time with you.
George, Sr.: Ruth. Ruth, I need you to listen to me.
Nina: That’s much better. That’s great. Very strong, very focused.
George, Sr.: I’m the one you should be with.
Nina: Brilliant!
George, Sr.: And the reasons for this are three-fold.
Nina: Oh, again with the three-fold!
Marcus Logue: I’ve only got five burgers on the grill. But if you’re expecting any more dead relatives to stop by, do let me know. I’ll put some more on.
George, Sr.: This is my house, this is my wife. And you, sir, you’re nothing but a prick!
Nina: Get in!
Ruth: I can’t believe you did that.
George, Sr.: I came back from the dead for you, Ruth. Not many men can manage that.
George: It’s hard to actually say the words.
George, Sr.: You take your time son.
George: I’m… I’m a werewolf.
George, Sr.: Now, you are taking some form of medication at the moment, aren’t you George?
George: Mm hm.
George, Sr.: I’m gonna fly, Jack! I’m gonna fly!
Nina: Did your dad just misquote Titanic?
George: Yeah. Just… don’t ask.
DC Reed: And John. I met John.
Herrick: I know you have.
DC Reed: He’s lovely too. You don’t think so?
Herrick: You wouldn’t either if you knew.
DC Reed: Knew what?
Herrick: What lies beneath the surface.
DC Reed: What’s that?
Herrick: Can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
DC Reed: I’m very good with secrets.
Herrick: I can’t tell you, but I can show you.
DC Reed: Show me what?
Herrick: Where he buries his nightmare.
Mitchell: You know, I thought you were supposed to solve crimes, not commit them.
DC Reed: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Mitchell: Oh… That’s not true. Is it, Nancy? You’ve taken something that doesn’t belong to you. I think you should give it back.
DC Reed: It’s quite the collection, John.
Mitchell: It interests me, that’s all.
DC Reed: It’s a sick hobby.
Mitchell: Eh, so’s taxidermy. But there’s no law against that either. Now unless you produce a warrant from that ridiculous bag, I suggest you give me back my book. I won’t ask you again. {She hands him the book back.} You really shouldn’t have done that, Nancy.
View all quotes from this episode
Episode 7 : Though the Heavens Fall
twenty years ago
Herrick: This doesn’t often happen. So, um. I’m not quite sure what the protocol is. Usually we’re hosing down the cage and giving young Alan here a blanket. Ugh. So, you did something remarkable tonight. You walked, unharmed, from a plane crash. Only now, I don’t know what to do with you.
Herrick: It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it? You know I think the biggest shock for me—ah, more than the actual existence of vampires and werewolves and ghosts… uh, there are ghosts too, you know, but we’ll come to that. Was knowing that until that point I’d been allowed to live. Once the curtain was drawn and I’d seen the true nature of nature, I realized that these nightmare creatures had permitted us to mind the shop. The monsters were merciful. But it was a fragile detente. Like a tiger. In a paper cage. At any moment they could break free and wreck the world. Nope, all in all, I think that was a bit of a blow.
Herrick: Tell me about yourself. You married? Kids.
McNair: Maybe one day.
Herrick: What type of business are you in?
McNair: I’m a surveyor.
Herrick: That’s all over now. I’ve set you free.
McNair: I wasn’t unharmed.
Herrick: I’m sorry?
McNair: I wasn’t unharmed. Please, could I have a bandage or something? It scratched me.
Herrick: Oops.
Cooper: Make this useful or quick. Your choice.
DC Reed: That name I pulled off the information line, John Mitchell? Yeah, I went to see him and he’s a bit nervy but he gave me another name. Daisy Hannigan Spitteri. Some ex-girlfriend of his.
Annie: You should write this down.
DC Reed: Apparently she told him she saw the Box Tunnel massacre firsthand. But the only Daisy Hannigan Spitteri I could find died in an air raid in 1941.
Annie: Yeah, see, this is where it gets complicated.
Cooper: So?
DC Reed: So why would he do that?
Cooper: Because relationships turn people into psychopaths and that is fact.
DC Reed: No, I mean why give a false name unless he’s concealing something?
Cooper: Maybe she gave him the false name.
DC Reed: Whatever. I went back there and he’s got a scrapbook full of clippings.
Cooper: Clippings of what?
Annie: Clippings of what?
DC Reed: The Box Tunnel 20.
Annie: What?
Cooper: People are sick. Fact two. They watch documentaries about children with… an elbow for a face, or something.
Annie: A scrapbook, really?
DC Reed: Let me go back there with a warrant.
Cooper: Okay. This is the last time we ever have this conversation. We have a list of suspects with a history of violence and mental illness. And if we don’t make an arrest this week everyone in that room gets replaced. This—clippings and ex-girlfriends—this is gossip. This isn’t even a fingerprint or anything even approaching proof. It’s a waste of time and you are not going to pursue it any further.
Herrick: Do you trust Mitchell?
Nina: If Mitchell told me the sky is blue I’d have to go outside to check.
Herrick: He says I’m a vampire. Like the story by Byron. Those witches who tormented me, they said so too. It’s bewildering, isn’t it? That woman who came to the house, I could hear her blood throb and pound through her veins. Yet I don’t hear that with you or George or the girl or… Why is that?
Nina: Look, whatever you are it doesn’t have to define you. Take it from me.
Herrick: Define me? I’m hunger. That is what defines me. Hunger is the length and breadth of me now.
Nina: It’ll pass.
Herrick: How? I, I— There’s images in here, really dark dark desires and… I can’t sleep. If I am the victim of a conspiracy to drive me mad I confess it is working.
Nina: Listen to me. Hang on to that. You are not going mad. But any other reaction in this house would be insane. Don’t let this become comfortable. Stay separate. Stay appalled.
Herrick: I showed her the journal.
Nina: The policewoman?
Herrick: She found it mightily interesting. Was that the wrong thing to do? Fiat justitia ruat caelum, Nina. Let justice be done, though the heavens fall.
Tom: Do you think he needs to go to hospital?
Nina: Well I’m going to have to clean it out, but it doesn’t look to deep.
McNair: See? Told ya.
Nina: But you really should have got it dressed earlier. It could be infected.
Tom: See? I told ya.
Nina: Look, George, why don’t you take Tom and get me some hot water and basically anything that’s, you know, in another room.
McNair looking at the wall: What’s all this?
Nina: Annie has started fighting crime. It was only a matter of time, really.
Nina: How did you get this?
McNair: Vampires. They got us this morning. Payback for the dog fight. I killed two. Tom killed two. I’m surprised that haven’t gone for you and George yet.
Nina: Maybe… maybe they don’t know where we are.
McNair: Oh trust me, they know. Me and Tom have lived under the radar for years, they still found us. You must be off-limits. Probably because you’ve got their poster boy looking after you.
McNair: Something’s changed.
Nina: No. No, I mean it’s just, well, the past few weeks have been… pretty routine, actually.
McNair: I mean here. Something’s different.
George: I mean you’re what? Nineteen, twenty? You shouldn’t be killing vampires from a shitty camper van. You, you— You should have chlamydia. A twenty-four hour hangover. Because trust me, Tom, you will look back and they will be the best years of your life.
Tom: I don’t have a choice.
George: Um, yeah you do. You could stay here.
Tom: McNair would never agree to that.
George: Oh please! Screw bloody McNair.
Tom: You people really do swear a hell of a lot, don’t ya? Just an observation. McNair says it suggests a limited vocabulary.
George: Oh right, does he? Well actually I can speak six different languages. And McNair can just… piss off.
George: You do know it’s a full moon tonight.
McNair: I was thinking maybe I could use your basement? Well it’s probably not a good idea to run ’round the forest in this state.
George: Nina uses that, so…
Nina: No, not so far.
McNair: Alright with you, Tom? Just a for a few days. You could probably watch some cartoons. Maybe George’ll take you for a pint.
Reed: John Mitchell. I’m coming to get you.
Annie: Yes! … Sort of.
Reed: Now I’m talking to myself.
Annie: No, you’re not, Nancy. It’s fine. You’re not. Really.
Mitchell: Okay, listen. It’s a full moon tonight and downstairs is standing room only for bloody lycos so you’re going to tell me how you did it. How did you survive that werewolf attack?
Herrick: You just keep asking me this! As if these are riddles!
DC Reed: Hi John. I was just wondering if we could have another little chat.
Mitchell: So. Here we are again.
DC Reed: Yeah. I suddenly got the urge.
Mitchell: It’s funny, that.
DC Reed: John. Why do you have a scrapbook full of clippings of the Box Tunnel 20 if you have no connection to the crime?
Mitchell: I don’t know what you mean.
Annie: Tell her that you’re investigating the case too. We could all work together.
Mitchell: It wasn’t mine. It’s complicated. There was this guy—Graham—he put it all together. He thought it was the kind of thing I’d be impressed by. I thought it was gross.
Annie: Graham? Why didn’t you just say?
DC Reed: Why have you given me the name of someone who died seventy years ago, John?
Mitchell: It’s the name she gave me. It’s probably made up. She was a total fantasist. Even the things she said about the murders. She was always coming out with stuff like that. People she’d met, things she’d done.
Annie: Mitchell. What are you saying?
DC Reed: So now you think she didn’t have anything to do with the murders?
Mitchell: It’s pretty unlikely, yeah.
DC Reed: John. I know you’re dicking me about. Do you want to know how I know?
Mitchell: Yeah. Yeah, this should be good.
DC Reed: it’s all pretty basic. The muscles around your eyes don’t move when you smile. Generally your body language is limited and stiff. The lack of direct statements. Lots of probably’s and I think’s. Plus there’s the willingness to change the subject even though I just said a friend of yours died in World War II.
DC Reed: Last thing. I’d like to speak to Nina’s uncle Billy again.
Mitchell: I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
DC Reed: I don’t bite.
Mitchell: Sure. Why not. I’ll just make sure he’s presentable.
Mitchell: That policewoman’s back. She wants to talk to you.
Herrick: I cannot be trusted.
Mitchell: The first time we met we were soldiers. You know war is surreal. It’s a different planet. Men have to do things that they’d never dream of. Things that seem terrible, heretical. But in a war, these things can be heroic, selfless. They can save lives.
Herrick: But we’re not at war.
Mitchell: Oh we are. It’s a secret war, but yes. We are. And sometimes we’ll be asked to do things that seem to be bad, but they’re not. And this is very important. They’re not bad, they’re brave.
Herrick: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Mitchell, I implore you. Keep that woman away from me!
Mitchell: It’s not being a coward and it’s not failing. It’s being brave enough to let nature take its course.
Nina: It’s just that the thing is… Here’s the thing. Um. I was the one that reported him to the help line.
DC Reed: Why did you do that, Nina?
Nina: Well I got the wrong end of the stick about something but now I’ve had time to reconsider and I really, I really don’t think he had anything to do with this.
DC Reed: So what changed your mind?
Nina: Has he spoken to you about someone called Daisy?
DC Reed: Daisy Hannigan Spitteri?
Nina: Yeah. Yeah, you know I’ve been thinking about it and I think she might know something.
DC Reed: Nina. Maybe you can help me out here. Why has John—and now you—given me the name of someone who died before the cocking coronation? Something’s going on in this house. The people in it think that they can lie to me and I don’t like that.
DC Reed: Helped myself to a glass of water. Hope you don’t mind.
Mitchell: Nope. {he grabs the glass and sets it in the table}.
DC Reed: I wanted to talk to you about John. If that’s okay. I think he’s given you some very big secrets to look after and I don’t think that’s fair.
Cooper: I got the results on those prints.
Annie: What prints?
Cooper: I’ve been doing this job for sixteen years and I’ve never seen anything like this. C’mon. So, the guy you got these prints from, John Mitchell—
Annie: Woah woah woah. How did you get those?
Cooper: Tell me he’s about eighty-five or something.
DC Reed: Mid-twenties?
Cooper: Then I don’t know what is going on.
Cooper: So match one: Sheffield. Sally Fenzer. Severe head trauma. Body found by her flatmate.
DC Reed: Jesus, he’s done this before?
Cooper: Check the date.
Annie: We really shouldn’t be here.
DC Reed: Twenty-fourth of December… nineteen sixty?
Annie: He used to be a very very different person.
DC Reed: There’s no way whoever did this could just have the same prints as my guy?
Cooper: Impossible.
DC Reed: Shit. Hang on, you said there were two matches with his. What was the second?
Cooper: Box Tunnel Massacre.
Cooper: Nancy, somehow your guy is… the guy.
Cooper: I suppose the concern is you’ll find something else.
DC Reed: What d’you mean? {he swings and knocks her unconscious}
Cooper: Frankly Mitchell couldn’t have done more to implicate himself if he left a confession and diagrams. The work we’ve had to do covering this up, I swear. Apparently he found out his girlfriend was some nutty vampire-killing Christian. That’s what finally pushed him over the edge. Mitchell was never really a team player but arresting him, sorry, we can’t let that happen. We like our privacy too much. {she kicks him}. Don’t get me wrong, you’re good. Tenacious. Uncompromising. Qualities we really like. That and generally being a shit.
DC Reed: Jonathan Cooper. I’m arresting you for assaulting a police officer and perverting the cause of justice.
Cooper: You’re not really getting this, are you? We can’t be arrested.
DC Reed: What are you, the bastard Masons?
Cooper looking for Annie: Hey Casper! You still here? Looks like your friend left you.
DC Reed: Yeah? What friend?
Cooper: You had a ghost following you around. Probably something to do with Mitchell. He always kept very odd company.
DC Reed: Mad as a badger.
Cooper: Don’t worry. This isn’t how you’re going to die. I just needed to make you a little more receptive. See I’m going to give you a gift. You’ve been head hunted, Nancy, with an exciting new opportunity. Think of it as evolutionary promotion. {Annie stakes him from behind.}
Annie: She’s not interested.
McNair: Long as I live, I’ll never forget that scent. You remember me.
Herrick: I assume you are a victim of another barbarity I’m supposed to have committed.
McNair: “Another barbarity.” Fucking Southerners. Let’s see if this jogs your memory. “You walked, unharmed, from a plane crash. Only now, I don’t know what to do with you”. Ring any bells?
Herrick: I must warn you, Mitchell is very keen on keeping me alive. Now, if you so much as lay a finger on me then I shall scream until the windows shake in their frames.
McNair: That’s the plan. He hears you, he runs up here… and I get two new teeth. You see I’d hate you to think I’d been idle since we last met. {shows him the necklace.} Meet your family. I remember every single one of them. Marco. He was a scrapper. While this one here. Scottish girl. Very pretty. Daisy. Fought like a cat. And this space here, is for you.
Herrick: Whatever his crimes, the man you knew is not the man before you now.
McNair: Vampires don’t reform.
George: So anyway. While we’re here if you could just see if there’s anything abnormal, or…
Dr. Hayley Hamilton: Like what? A tail?
George: No no… Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Hayley Hamilton: Shit, how many weeks are you?
Nina: Ah… eight weeks.
Dr. Hayley Hamilton: And how long have you two been together?
Nina: A year.
Dr. Hayley Hamilton: Thank god. I could see this getting very Jeremy Kyle. No, you must have got the dates wrong ’cause there’s no way you’re eight weeks.
George: Really?
Dr. Hayley Hamilton: More like sixteen. Either that or you’re giving birth to a giant. Which, let’s be honest, is pretty unlikely. But it does mean we’ve missed out on a whole load of checks and stuff so we’ve got some catching up to do.
Herrick: He became a monster. He became a monster and attacked me.
DC Reed: I’m attempting to arrest John Mitchell in connection with the Box Tunnel 20 murders but have reason to believe he is armed. Please assist.
DC Reed: Ah shit. Has anyone checked the attic?
Custody Sergeant: Name?
Mitchell: Please, don’t do this.
Custody Sergeant: Name, sir!
Mitchell: Fuck you! Listen to me!
Custody Sergeant: Date of birth, Mr. Fuck You?
Mitchell: You have to let me go. You’re not ready. None of you are.
Custody Sergeant: Date of birth.
Mitchell: July 26, 1893. But please, please let me go. It can’t happen like this. Not here. Not in Wales.
Custody Sergeant: Where’s DC Reed? This is her collar.
Herrick: I have something of a dilemma, Nina. Perhaps you can help me.
Nina: Christ, you made me jump. What the hell happened here? And why are you wearing that?
Herrick: See the thing is, your boyfriend tore me—literally—limb from limb. Now, aside from anything else, have you ever heard of anything so undignified?
Herrick: And the pain… was incredible. And I remember every moment. And so now, not unreasonably I think you’ll agree, I want him to suffer. But not for moments. For days, weeks… months. And the best way of doing that, um, is to kill you. Here’s my dilemma. You were kind to me. Everyone else in the house wanted me dead. Except for you. It’s a knotty one, isn’t it?
Herrick: You’re right. My quarrel is not with you. {he leaves, only to quickly return, knife in hand}. But then people would say I was going soft.
Custody Sergeant: Take the picture! Andy, take the picture! Andy, just take the bloody picture!
Mitchell: Oh god.
View all quotes from this episode
Episode 8 : The Wolf-Shaped Bullet
Herrick: Rule number one of Vampire Club: Do not get arrested. Even Seth knew that and he used to point at planes.
Mitchell: What the hell are you doing here?
Herrick: Putting the genie back in the bottle. Come on.
Mitchell: Was that necessary?
Herrick: Oh, uh. You’re welcome.
Mitchell: You’re back then.
Herrick: Isn’t that what you wanted?
Mitchell: No no no. What I wanted was to learn how to survive a werewolf attack.
Herrick: Oh, well I feel drenched with love.
Mitchell: So tell me.
Herrick: What, now? During a prison break?
Mitchell: Come on, you got Cara to do it. How complicated can it be.
Police: Paramedics answered a 999 at the suspect’s house. Multiple murders. Three police, two forensic. Three more in critical condition. Including a female, late-twenties.
What’s that barking/It’s all starting. Like a row/of dominoes. Can you stop them falling?/Someone’s due a mauling. Here it comes/the wolf-shaped gun. Annie, listen/here’s your mission. Mitchell’s toast/if you’re a scaredy-ghost. Come to purgatory/stop shit getting gory. Or the big bow wow/ends his story now.
McNair: Tom, if you’re reading this, then I’m dead. Somewhere in this house is a vampire. He’s the one I’ve always been searching for. He was there when I became this creature. And tonight, I tried to kill him. If I had, I would have been able to stop. But I wasn’t doing this for me. Or the man I killed two months ago. Or even your parents. This was for you. My Tom. This must be the final act. Tom, I want you to live a different life now. One that’s decent. You see, we’ve lost everything that was harmless and mundane. When I sat down to write this I realized I’d forgotten how to hold a pen. It’s so long since I did something so ordinary. I was selfish. I turned you into a weapon for my own war. The things I’ve asked you to do, they make me ashamed. Let it end. I want you to be home now. Stop this chaotic, violent life. Make this the end of that story. I die tonight, but don’t avenge me. It’s getting dark. I have to go. Always know that I love you, Tom. I wish I really had been your father.
Your comrade,
Anthony Michael McNair.
Herrick: Gotta say, I’m ever so confused.
Mitchell about the cage: What’s going on?
Herrick: Just a precaution. Completely understandable, I think.
Mitchell: Why have you brought me here?
Herrick: Surely who have I brought here is more apropos. I mean, one minute you’re letting George tear my head off for the sake of humanity. And the next, you’re massacring twenty of them in a train carriage. I mean, talk about fickle.
Mitchell: Yeah, wouldn’t expect you to understand. Your character’s always been pretty consistent.
Herrick: I think that was a dig. Look. There’s the natural ebb and flow of personality, and there’s being as mad as a gibbon. Because then you’re doing this whole “pillar of the community” thing while feeding me policewomen so I can tell you how to survive a werewolf attack. I mean, you make me dizzy. You really do.
Mitchell: Just now, why didn’t you kill me?
Herrick: I told you. I don’t know where your loyalties lie. See, I wanna pick up where I left off and having you by my side—
Mitchell: No. No, this is more than just political maneuvering. I make you weak. I make you vulnerable.
Herrick: Says the man in the cage.
Mitchell: Still walking and talking and making it look like you can’t finish a job.
Herrick: Not for want of trying.
Mitchell: But you always manage to fudge it somehow. Why is that? Just kill me! Get it over with. You know, people are starting to talk.
Herrick: I want you to be ugly! I want you to be corrupt! This vein of decency in you. I want to stamp on it with my boot!
Mitchell: You wanna look in the mirror.
Herrick: Everyone has weaknesses, Mitchell. Loyalties that put them in jeopardy.
Lia: Annie. Thank god. You got my message.
Annie: Oh, that was you. Lia, what’s going on?
Annie: Where are we?
Lia: Oh, sorry. The signal’s really weak. {she futzes with the set} We’re okay. Here we go. Oh, gosh. We’re too late. It’s starting.
Annie: I’ve been there. They have these— They’re like dog fights. What do we do?
Lia: We can’t do anything.
Annie: Well of course we can. I know where they are. We just have to go.
Lia: You don’t understand. The people who did this, they don’t… Well this is their endgame. This is how it happens.
Annie: No, the prophecy says he’s going to be killed by a werewolf. So where is it?
Lia: On his way, I guess.
Herrick: First, I get rid of all the werewolves. I’ve made a start on that already. Then it’s the ghosts. Like Annie.
Mitchell: You do what you want.
Herrick: I’m sorry?
Mitchell: Killing those people, on that train. Do you think me, her and George are gonna be eating a pizza in front of The Real Hustle? No, that’s out.
Herrick: Okay, I’m going to stop you there. Because we both know that right now you’d say anything to get out of the cage.
Mitchell: Exactly! You’ve known me ninety years and finally you get it. What the hell have we just been talking about? It’s all about expediency with me. It’s skin deep. The vampires were pissing me off so I threw my lot in with humanity. They betray me, I get on their train. And I’m washing bits of humanity out of my hair for a fortnight. So what do I? I get the fuck out of Dodge, that’s what I do. I’ll do whatever it takes to survive, Herrick. And right now the only way for me to survive is by siding with you. Completely 100% percent? You bet. Forever? I doubt it. Until then I’ll be your poster boy—your vice president. Whatever you want. I’ll do it.
Herrick: You’ll be the villain now.
Mitchell: Christ. I always was.
Herrick: There’ll come a day when one of us finally kills the other.
Mitchell: But it won’t be today.
Herrick: Prove it.
Herrick: Good to finally meet you again properly, George. I haven’t been myself the last few weeks. Sorry about these two. It’s clearly dress-down Friday.
George: He’s him again, isn’t he?
Annie: George is the one who’s going to kill him.
Lia: I know! It’s actually going to happen. What are the chances? I mean these are werewolves we’re talking about, not Australian barmen. They’re really rare.
Annie: Stop this. Please.
Lia: I can’t.
Annie: I’m not going to just stand here and watch Mitchell be torn apart.
Lia: So sit.
Mitchell: You know your timing’s a bit off. There’s no full moon for weeks.
Herrick: This is a spin on the usual game.
Mitchell: So you want us to fight, is that it?
Herrick: I want to make sure you’re back in black.
George: What’s he talking about, Mitchell?
Mitchell: George won’t fight me. This is your argument. This is your vendetta.
Herrick: You’re right. He needs a little motivation. George. Did you know you’ve been living with a celebrity the last few weeks? Oh, it’s, ah, not me. But you’re so sweet. No, Mitchell is the killer of the Box Tunnel 20. {no visible reaction from George} Right, well that’s not the response I expected. Oh wait a minute. You knew! Oh well, thanks everyone, for pissing on my parade. Come one! Me and the boys wanted a fight! There’s popcorn. And at halftime we were going to have a Nespresso!
Annie: Lia, what’s going on? You told me that I had to come straight here. That Mitchell was in danger.
Lia: Oh Annie. I made it up.
Annie: You made it up?
Lia: On the spot. I just wanted to screw with Mitchell’s head. “The Wolf-Shaped Bullet.”
Annie: But why?
Lia: Well, I wanted to drive a wedge between him and George and Nina. But instead of getting suspicious of them he got all worked up about the other two. Tom and… What was it? McIntyre? Macintosh? Well. Whatever. Oh Annie, you didn’t really believe it, did you? I can’t control people. I can’t see the future. You’ve been watching too much TV.
Annie: If there’s no prophecy, then why is this happening?
Lia: Well what you really need to worry about is the self-fulfilling prophecy. Annie. He made it come true. There really is a wolf-shaped bullet. That he carved his name on.
Herrick: So Mitchell’s been trying to get me back to my old self.
George: What?
Mitchell: Long story. don’t ask.
Herrick: So. He’s been trying to get me to drink blood again. You know that policewoman that came to the house? He actually brought her up to the attic. He was like, “Dig in!”
Mitchell: Yeah. But then I stopped you.
Herrick: Eventually. Anyway, I did. I had a jolly good munch. Hence um {outfit}. And do you know the first thing I did. Oh! No! Hang on, before that I killed McNair. Um, I’m getting this story in completely the wrong order. The first I did after… I killed Nina.
George: You’re lying.
Herrick: Purple-y top, twigs in her hair. At least I think I killed her. Stabbed her in the kidneys, usually does the trick.
Herrick: It hurts, doesn’t it? Mitchell brought me back. He lit the fuse, he walked away. It was “bye-bye Nina.”
Mitchell: No. George. This is what he wants.
Herrick: He killed all those people, George. He made you complicit. Everything he touches he corrupts or destroys. First you, now Nina!
Tom: Anthony Michael McNair. Murdered by a vampire. Avenged by his son.
Mitchell: Tom, leave him alone. Don’t touch him. If you did, I kill George.
Tom: You wouldn’t, he’s your friend.
George: He would.
Mitchell: Try me.
Tom: He killed McNair.
Mitchell: He’s one of your own. Don’t let this happen.
Herrick: Kill him, Mitchell. Do it now.
Mitchell: The famous Herrick brain clearly ain’t workin’ at fullspeed yet, is it? Listen to me, he ripped your head off and cancelled the revolution so you’re gonna have to kill him yourself. But do it publicly, make a statement.
Herrick: Be seeing you, George.
Annie: So if this is all just a lie, just a mind game, why did you get me over here?
Lia: Don’t get me wrong, I wanted him to suffer. And that’s where you come in. Keeping you here, depriving him of you, that’ll be his punishment.
Annie: Why didn’t you just keep me here when you had the chance?
Lia: He didn’t love you enough. It wouldn’t have hurt him enough.
Annie: I was the weapon.
Lia: Now she gets it.
Annie: What, now you’re just going to keep me here like a hostage?
Lia: Just give me a chance. I’ve got a lot of very commendable qualities. I’m chatty, but also a good listener.
Annie: This is all just one big game to you, isn’t it?
Lia: This wasn’t a game! This is revenge! He killed me. Let me tell you something about revenge. It isn’t petulant or being a sore loser. It’s righteous. A game? Fuck you. This is what needs to happen. Revenge is about setting the world straight again.
Annie: It didn’t work though, did it?
Lia: Well I’ve still got you and I’ve still got him grief-stricken without you.
Annie: I don’t know who that man is. But I doubt you’ll get much in the way of grief-stricken from him.
Lia: This was my bedroom, you know. I’d come back here on holiday from college. My parents would make such a big fuss. My mum literally could not bear the sight of somebody not eating. This house is very quiet now. Since I died. My dad comes in here sometimes, lays on the bed. My brother’s getting into lots of fights at school. This was all for them. Can you not understand that?
Annie: And Nina?
Lia: Collateral damage.
Annie: What the hell. I was going to spend eternity in a prison cell with Mitchell. I might as well spend it here with you. Besides, when Nina gets here I want her to see a friendly face.
Lia: You know, I think we’d be great friends, us three.
Annie: Yeah. Yeah. All the murdered girls. Besides we have to watch George.
Lia: George?
Annie: Yeah, on that. Talk about your parents’ grief. We have to watch George now that he’s lost Nina. Now that he’s lost the baby. Now that he’s lost me.
Lia: Oh, I don’t know if …
Annie: Oh, well I want you to watch, Lia. Watch him turn hard. Cold. Mean. They’re like your comrades, George and Nina. The last victims of the Box Tunnel 20 massacre.
Annie: Do you know what I think? I think you are way out of your depth. Don’t get me wrong, you are— You’re brutal. But I’ve been doing this supernatural stuff a long time now and trust me, grief and revenge are not things to get drunk on. You know I think you wanted wild and Biblical and rawr! But instead you just woke up somewhere unfamiliar with your underwear on back-to-front.
Lia: I wouldn’t know how to…
Annie: How to what?
Lia: How to undo this.
Annie: Let me go back. And let me see Nina.
Annie: Lia, come on, this isn’t you.
Lia: But if you go, then… well I won’t know anybody here.
Annie: This is not the way to make friends and influence people, trust me. Lia, they were going to have a baby. {She gets up and Lia goes in for a hug.}
Lia: Oh. I thought we were going to hug, but not-hugging would also work.
Annie: Yeah. Good.
Lia: Annie. Revenge kind of sucks. Who knew.
Annie: Gilbert! Somewhere here there’s a man called Gilbert. Find him. Tell him Annie sent you. He’s really nice.
Herrick: Things are going to be moving a lot faster now. I’ve got sleeper cells all over America. I just say the word and it begins. What are we doing here?
Mitchell: You’ll see.
Herrick: Listen, okay, I think it’s about time that I explained the trick. So basically if George had stuck a stake in me it was game over. No one comes back from that. So I.. I kinda got lucky with him just ripping my head off.
Mitchell: I don’t want to know anymore.
Herrick: But you’ve been searching for this for months.
Mitchell: And then I saw the look of contempt on my best friend’s face. And I realized that this has to stop.
Herrick: Listen, it’s okay. I understand. You’ve just agreed to avert the destination of mankind. There’s bound to be [a run on []. Let’s cross the border. Find ourselves a nice English village. I’ll make some calls. Wooden-underidge.
Herrick: Look at this world. How does it make you feel knowing that soon all of this will be ours?
Mitchell: Don’t you understand? It always was.
Edgar Wyndam: A nation exhales. As the killer of the Box Tunnel 20 is finally put to justice. In other words, that was the sound of someone else doing your job. My name is Edgar Wyndam. And as of 26 seconds ago, you are all unemployed. If you have a phone in your hand or a piece of paper or a file put it down. Make your way to the exit. You will searched on the way out. And when your wives and husbands ask why you were back so early and so shame-faced, you tell them this. Our superior officer disappeared. An arrest was made, but then the arresting officer and five more police were killed at the suspect’s house. And then the suspect disappeared. You tell your families “I am here because I failed.”
Who the hell are you?
Edgar Wyndam: I’m from Head Office. I’m the man from Del Monte. I am the wrath of God.
Wyndam: One two, buckle my shoe. Three four, knock on the door. Five six, put down sticks.
Annie: Who the hell are you?
Wyndam: Tell them, John.
Mitchell: His name’s Wyndam. He’s one of the Old Ones.
George: How the hell’d you get here? We didn’t invite you in.
Wyndam: Well you don’t get to be a thousand years old without learning a trick or two.
Wyndam: As if humanity’s imbecilic governance wasn’t bad enough, Mitchell here almost blurts out our existence. And so. We are taking control of the situation.
George: Again with the world domination. You know Herrick’s already tried that twice and we stopped him. Twice.
Wyndam: Herrick.
George: Yeah.
Wyndam: You’re comparing me to Herrick?
Mitchell: He doesn’t mean it, Wyndam. He doesn’t know who you are.
Wyndam: This is what is going to happen. Mitchell, you’re coming with me. I think you’re going to come in useful one day so this martyrdom isn’t an option.
Mitchell: No. No, please, I don’t want that. This, this has to be the end.
Wyndam: Sorry. You’re going to dance for me. You are going to kill and rampage. {to George} You are going to be my attack dog. And the day that you say no is the day that I crucify George and Nina. In Regents Park. What about the rest of you. What about Annie. Now, I think you’re more powerful than you imagine so I’m going to keep you around. Besides, there are going to be a lot more ghosts. And then there are the history makers. A werewolf impregnated by another werewolf. We’ve never seen the like. The others want you culled. I’m the curious type. I want to see exactly what it is that’s going to pop out. But there’s something I want you to do in return. I want you to pass on a message. To every werewolf, every ghost, every vampire that you meet. You tell them the world is under new management now. It is year dot. You tell them this. The age of the vampires has begun.