Southend-on-Sea
Leo (Louis Mahoney): I love this song. I met him once, you know. Satchmo. Stage door. The new opera house. 1950. At least I think it was him. I was so drunk it could have been Shirley Bassey.
Radio Voice (Gina Bramhill): Leo. Leo, can you hear me? Don’t be afraid. I bring news of great joy. You must journey west. There you will find a house wherein dwells a man like you and a woman like Pearl. They are the guardians to a child. That child is the Chosen One. She will save you, Leo. She will save us all.
Annie: Where have you been?
Tom: Out. Stop doing that.
Annie: Out where?
Tom: Just out.
Annie: Alright, let’s get this over with.
Tom: Annie!
Annie: Please assume the position.
Tom: I ain’t done no’.
Annie: You haven’t done anything.
Tom: Exactly.
Annie: No, Tom. I’m not agreeing with you. Your grammar is appalling.
Annie: I agreed to let you live under my roof under one condition. That you abide by all my commandments.
Tom: Are you talking about the house rules, Annie?
Annie: Yes I am, Tom. And why don’t we just run through them again so that we’re clear.
Tom: “No smoking, no dialing 0-800 numbers. All dishes must be washed dried and put away, not left to drip. No bringing girls home. Never put a cup down without a coaster. And if I’m going to be late, two rings.”
Annie: And we’re missing one, aren’t we?
Tom: “No killing vampires.”
Tom: Why don’t the three of us go away somewhere? The Old Ones are gone. I don’t understand why we’re still here.
Annie: Well, no, it wouldn’t make any difference. We could go to Timbuk-bloody-tu and the mayor would be a vampire. No, we’ve tried running and it doesn’t work.
Pearl (Tamla Kari): It’s times like this I’m glad I’m invisible. Because when some unsuspecting man or woman answers that door, you’re going to have to tell them we’re here to visit a God Child. Good luck with that.
Tom: I know what you are. But who are you and who sent you here?
Annie: Did you hide that in my hanging basket? That is it. I’m going to have to add another commandment. “Thou shalt not hide stakes in my shrubbery.”
Pearl: Can you see me?
Annie: Can you see me?
Pearl: I’m a ghost.
Annie: So am I.
Annie: Things have changed here recently.
Pearl: Oh, that’s a pity. Over fifty-five years and I’ve never had to change my line-up.
Hal You do know that it’s human skin.
Annie: Um, no. That one’s not actually. That one’s fake. It’s just prosthetics.
Hal would it make it easier for you to believe that?
Annie: Yes.
Tom: If this was just us, if this was all something to help you cope with everything that’s happened, then fine. But you’re dragging other people into it. That ain’t right. Eve can’t save that man.
Annie: After everything you’ve been through, why’s this so difficult to believe?
Tom: What’s all this really about, Annie?
Annie: I am not going to argue about this with you, Tom.
Tom: I’m on your side.
Annie: Then please. Just support me on this.
Hal I think that Eve really is the War Child. She’s actually going to do it. She’s going to rid the world of us.
Pearl: Us?
Hal Vampires.
Hal Are there subtitles for this conversation?
Fergus (Anthony Flanagan): Who are they?
Cutler (Andrew Gower): My focus group.
Fergus: Well that’s alright then. Here’s me, worried you might have been dicking about. Look. Griffin’s dead. Everything’s falling apart. All the other’s have gone back to their [Clark Kents]. We seriously need to sort our shit out before the Old Ones arrive.
Cutler: And that’s what you’ve been doing, is it? Sorting our shit out.
Fergus: Yes. I set up a war council, actually.
Cutler: Are they your war council? Interesting.
Fergus: Yeah. What about you? Giving it the old Peter Mendelssohn.
Cutler: Okay, Fergus. Either you mean Peter Mandelson or you’re comparing me to a German composer.
Fergus: Those guys, they’re dedicated, they’re disciplined—
Cutler: They’re eating my focus group.
Fergus: Yeah, we skipped lunch.
Pearl: You said she would help him, so why doesn’t she? Never mind switching the bloody lights on and off. Why doesn’t she cure him.
Tom: Because she’s just a baby! An innocent baby. Why are you trying to make her out to be something she in’t? She’s George and Nina’s baby. Why in’t that enough?
Leo: It will be so different when you only have each other.
Pearl: I don’t want to think about that.
Leo: That’s my point. You have to.
Hal Leo gave me these. Every day he’d make me line them up, but never let me knock them down.
Annie: Why?
Hal He wanted to show me that I’m in control. If I could teach myself to fight small urges, then I could train myself to resist much bigger ones.
Pearl: What are you saying?
Annie: What I’m saying is, “Move in here!”
Hal: Are you somehow drunk?
Tom: I’m going to the shop, do you want to come?
Hal: I’d love to but I’ve made plans to sit in and self-harm, so…
Tom: You’re a dick head.
Hal If you say so.
Hal: Why didn’t he simply ask me? You barely know him.
Tom: Well it involves going to the shop, Hal, and you’re not exactly a people person, are you?
Pearl: We’ll need to start using a new brand of tea. That stuff you make looks very anemic.
Annie: There is nothing wrong with my tea.
Leo: Try to keep him away from people.
Annie: What kind of people?
Leo: Oh, general people.
Pearl: And dogs. Mainly the small ones.
Leo: And budgies.
Pearl: That only happened the once and he sent a letter of apology to the miniature circus.
Leo: It’s best to err on the side of caution, I think.
Annie: So what about you, Pearl? Any dark secrets? Anything I should know?
Leo: Pearl is a woman without fault. {he shows Annie her page} I’ll tell you later.
Hal: Why are you so bothered?
Tom: What?
Hal: I mean I know why I’m here. But why are you going to all this trouble for a man you barely know.
Tom: Well I happen to quite like him. He’s sound. Even if he does have seriously bad judgment when it comes to picking his mates.
Hal: You end his life, and he’ll invade yours.
Shopkeeper: The way I see it, there’s only two ways you could know those things. Either your a man of God, or you’re speaking from experience.
Hal: I’m not a man of God.
Pearl: What are you saying Annie?
Annie: Well this started when you showed up.
Pearl: Yes. It’s related to Leo’s illness. You said so yourself.
Annie: And I still believe that to be true, I just don’t think it’s Eve causing it. I think it’s you.
Pearl: Don’t be ridiculous.
Annie: It’s grief, Pearl.
Pearl: It’s too late, Annie. It’s 55 years too late. How can I possibly tell him now?
Annie: How can you possibly not? You have got to tell him how you feel because you… you might not get another chance.
Pearl: For over half a century I’ve been stuck here. But that didn’t matter because I was stuck here with him.
Leo: Fifty years ago, you were looking at that picture. And you stared straight into my eyes and said, “I just wish I’d been loved. I wish someone would give me a ring just like this one.” I should have given this to you then, but I was too shy. And too scared. And too stupid. But I want you to have it now. And I want you to know that you were loved. I loved you since the moment I saw you. And I’ll die loving you, Pearl.
Pearl: The thing is, Leo. I love you too.
Leo: God, it’s all moving so fast. It’s only been fifty-five years.
Annie: You told him you loved him. That was your unfinished business.
Pearl: I’ll stay. I can stay!
Annie: No, Pearl. You might not get another chance. That’s your door.
Leo: You were the best friend I ever had.
Hal: You too. Leo, I’ll never forget you.
Hal: You don’t actually have to go through with this, you know.
Annie: Oh no. Hal, you are staying with us. I made a promise. And if there’s anything I take very seriously it’s promises I make to disembodied spirits to look after someone.
Tom: What are you doing?
Hal: I don’t know.
Tom: Put her down.
Hal: I wasn’t going to hurt her.
Tom: Put. Her. Down.
Tom: If I ever see you again, I’ll kill ya. Now get out.
Tom: I was protecting Eve.
Annie: Where is he now?
Tom: I don’t know and I don’t care.
Annie: He’s very dangerous, Tom.
Tom: I think we’ve established that much, Annie.
Annie: You think you’re men, do you? You think you’re big and brave. You are dancing around your pain. Both of you are! Facing it head on, now that takes real courage. And I’m not judging you, because I’ve done it myself. I’ve needed a god. So I created one. But Tom you’re right, Eve is not a god. And my friends have not died in some great glorious master plan. They’ve just died. And it hurts, it really hurts. I can’t avoid feeling this pain any longer, because avoiding it leads to this. So if you two want to kill each other you will be taking one step further away from the man that your father and your friend wanted you to be. Now can we please go home.
Annie: She’s been responsible for quite a few miraculous things, you know. Even if she isn’t the savior.
Hal I’m still hoping she is.
Annie: What?
Hal I want it to be true. I want her to kill us all.