Series 7

Asylum of the Daleks

The Doctor: I got your message. Not many people can do that—send me messages.
Darla Von Karlsen (Anamaria Marinca): I have a daughter. Hannah. She’s in a Dalek prison camp. They say you can help.
The Doctor: Do they? I wish they’d stop. Hell of a chosen meeting place.
Darla: They said I’d have to intrigue you.
The Doctor: Skaro. The original planet of the Daleks. Look at the state of it. Who told you about me?
Darla: Does it matter?
The Doctor: Maybe not. But you’re very well-informed.

The Doctor: If Hannah’s in a Dalek prison camp, tell me, why aren’t you?
Darla: I escaped.
The Doctor laughing: No. Nobody escapes the Dalek camps. You’re very cold. {he feels her face}
Darla: What’s wrong?
The Doctor: It’s a trap.
Darla: What is?
The Doctor: You are. And you don’t even know it. {she partially transforms into a Dalek and shoots him}

Rory: Where are we? {he sees a Dalek fleet outside—in space} So how much trouble are we in?
The Doctor: How much trouble, Mr. Pond? Out of ten? Eleven.

Amy: Where are we? Spaceship, right?
The Doctor: Not just any spaceship. The Parliament of the Daleks. Be brave.
Amy: What do we do?
The Doctor: Make them remember you.

The Doctor: Well come on then. You’ve got me. What are you waiting for? At long last! It’s Christmas! Here I am! {he prepares to die}
Dalek: Save us. You will save us.
The Doctor: I’ll what?
Dalek: You will save the Daleks.
Dalek Parliament: Save the Daleks! Save the Daleks!
The Doctor: Well. This is new.

We have arrived.
The Doctor: Arrived where?
Prime Minister of the Daleks: Doctor.
Darla: The Prime Minister will speak with you now.
The Doctor: Do you remember who you were before they emptied you out and turned you into their puppet?
Darla: My memories are only reactivated if they are required to facilitate deep cover or disguise.
The Doctor: You had a daughter.
Darla: I know. I’ve read my file.

The Doctor: Well?
Prime Minister: What do you know of the Dalek Asylum?
The Doctor: According to legend you have a dumping ground. A planet where you lock up all the Daleks that go wrong. The battle-scarred, the insane, the ones even you can’t control. Which never made any sense to me.
Prime Minister: Why not?
The Doctor: Because you’d just kill them.
Prime Minister: It is offensive to us to extinguish such divine hatred.
The Doctor: Offensive?
Prime Minister: Does it surprise you to know that Daleks have a concept of beauty?
The Doctor: I thought you’d run out of ways to make me sick. But hello again. You think hatred is beautiful?
Prime Minister: Perhaps that is why we have never been able to kill you.

Darla: The Asylum. It occupies the entire planet. Right to the core.
The Doctor: How many Daleks are down there?
Darla: A count has not been made. Millions certainly.
The Doctor: All still alive?
Darla: It has to be assumed. The Asylum is fully-automated. Supervision is not required.
Amy: Armed?
Darla: The Daleks are always armed.
Rory: What color? {they look confused} Sorry, there weren’t any good questions left.

Prime Minister: What is the noise! Explain! Explain!
The Doctor: It’s me.
Rory: Sorry, what?
The Doctor: It’s me, playing the triangle. Okay, I got buried in the mix.

The Doctor: Carmen! Lovely show! Someone’s transmitting this. Have you considered tracking back the signal and talking to them? {silence} He asked the Daleks.

Oswin: Hello. Are you real? Are you actually properly real?
The Doctor: Yeah, confirmed. Actually properly real.
Oswin: Oswin Oswald. Junior Entertainment Manager, Starship Alaska. Current status: crashed and shipwrecked somewhere… not nice. Been here a year, rest of the crew missing. Provisions good, but keen to move on.
The Doctor: A year? Are you okay? Are you under attack?
Oswin: Some local lifeforms. Been keeping them out.
The Doctor: Do you know what those lifeforms are?
Oswin: I know a Dalek when I hear one, yeah.
The Doctor: What have you been doing on your own against the Daleks for a year?
Oswin: Making soufflés?
The Doctor: Soufflés. Against the Daleks. {he’s amused, then—} Where’d you get the milk?

Prime Minister: This conversation is irrelevant!
The Doctor: No it isn’t. Because a starliner’s crashed into your asylum and someone’s got in. And if someone can get in then everything can get out. A tsunami of insane Daleks! Even you don’t want that.
Prime Minister: The Asylum must be cleansed.
The Doctor: Then why is it still here? You’ve got enough fire power on this ship to blast it out of the sky.
Darla: The Asylum force field is impenetrable.
The Doctor: Turn it off.
Darla: It can only be turned off from within the Asylum.
The Doctor: A small taskforce could sneak through a force field Send in a couple of Daleks. {realizing} Oh. Ah, that’s good. That’s brilliant. You’re all too scared to go down there. Not one of you will go. So tell me, what do the Daleks do when they’re too scared?
Dalek: The predator of the Daleks will be deployed.
The Doctor: You don’t have a predator and even if you did, why would they turn off a force field for you?
Prime Minister: Because you will have no other means of escape.
Darla: May I clarify? The Predator is the Dalek’s word for you.
The Doctor: Me? Me!

Darla: You will need this. It will protect you from the nanocloud.
The Doctor: The what? The nanowhat?
Darla: The gravity beam will convey you close to the source of the transmission. You must find a way to deactivate the force field from there.
The Doctor: You’re going to fire me at a planet? That’s your plan? I get fired at a planet and expected to fix it?
Rory: In fairness that is slightly your M.O.
The Doctor: Don’t be fair to the Daleks when they’re firing me at a planet!

The Doctor: What do you want with them?
Dalek: It is known the Doctor requires companions.
Rory: Oh, brilliant. Good-o!
The Doctor: Don’t worry. We’ll get through this, I promise. Don’t be scared.
Amy: Scared? Who’s scared? Geronimo.

Oswin turning off Carmen: Sorry! Sorry! Pressed the wrong switch.
The Doctor: Soufflé Girl?
Oswin: You could always call me Oswin. Seeing as that’s my name. You okay?
The Doctor: How’re you doing in there, eh? {he taps the periscope} This is Dalek technology.
Oswin: Well it’s very easy to hack.
The Doctor: No it isn’t! Where are you?
Oswin: Ship broke up when it hit. I’m somewhere underground I think. You coming to get me?

Harvey (David Gyasi): We came down two days ago. There’s twelve other escape pods. I don’t know what happened to them.
Amy: Alaska. That’s the same ship as Soufflé Girl.
The Doctor: Yeah. Except she’s been here a year.

The Doctor about the Alaska crew: They’re dead. All of them.
Harvey: That’s not possible. I just spoke to them. Two hours ago we were doing engine repairs.
The Doctor: Sure about that, are you? ‘Cause I’d say they’ve all been dead for a very long time.
Harvey: But they can’t have been.
Amy: Well they didn’t get in this state in two hours.
Harvey: Of course. Stupid me.
Amy: Of course what?
Harvey: I died outside and the cold preserved my body. I forgot about dying. {he turns into a Dalek}

Amy: Explain! That’s what you’re good at. How’d he get all Dalek’ed
The Doctor: Because he wasn’t wearing one of these. Oh ho ho. That’s clever! The nanocloud. Microorganisms that automatically process any organic matter—living or dead—into a Dalek puppet. Anything attacks this place it automatically becomes a part of the onsite security.
Amy: Living or dead?
The Doctor: These wristbands protect us. The only thing stopping us going exactly the way he did—
Amy: Doctor, shut up! Living or dead?
The Doctor: Yes exactly, living or— {the skeletons become Dalek} Oh dear.

Amy: Is it bad that I’ve really missed this?
The Doctor: Yes.
Amy: Good.
The Doctor: I know.

Oswin: Unauthorized personnel may not enter the cockpit.
The Doctor: Shut up.
Oswin: Oh! Mr. Grumpy. Bad combo. No sense of humor and that chin.
Amy: Is that her again, Soufflé Girl?
The Doctor: Yeah. She— Oy! What is wrong with my chin?
Oswin: Careful dear. You’ll put someone’s eye out.

The Doctor: How can you hack into everything? It should be impossible. You’re in a crashed ship!
Oswin: Long story. Is there a word for total screaming genius that sounds modest and a tiny bit sexy?
The Doctor: Doctor. You call me the Doctor.
Oswin: See what you did there.

The Doctor: Speaking of Rory, is there anything that you want to tell me?
Amy: Are we going to do this now?
The Doctor: Well what happened?
Amy: Oh, stuff! We split up, what can you do.
The Doctor: What can I do?
Amy: Nothing. It’s not one of those things you can fix like you fix your bow tie. Don’t give me those big wet eyes, Raggedy Man. It’s life. Just life, that’s thing that goes on when you’re not there.

The Doctor: ‘Allo ‘allo allo! What are they up to?
Amy: What’s that?
The Doctor: One of these. {indicates the nanocloud thingy} Where did they get it?
Amy: Doctor. They got it from me.
The Doctor: Oh Amy.
Amy: Doctor, what’s going to happen to me, seriously? Tell me, what?

Amy: So tell me, what’s going to happen to me? And don’t lie to me, because I know when you’re lying to me and I’ll definitely fall on you.
The Doctor: The air all around is full of micromachines. Robots the size of molecules. Nanogenes. Now that you’re unprotected you’re being rewritten.
Amy: So what happens, I get one of those things sticking out of my head?
The Doctor: Physical changes come later.
Amy: Well what comes first? How does it start?
The Doctor: With your mind. Your feelings, your memories, and I’m sorry but it’s started already.
Amy: How do you know?
The Doctor: Because we’ve had this conversation four times.
Amy: Okay, scared now.
The Doctor: Hang on to scared. Scared isn’t Dalek.

The Doctor: Oswin, can you hear me?
Oswin: Hello, the Chin! I have a visual on you.
The Doctor: Why don’t I have a visual on you? Why can’t I ever see you?
Oswin: Limited power, bad hair—take your pick.

The Doctor: Identify me. Access your files. Who am I? Come on, who’s your daddy.
Dalek: You are the Predator.
The Doctor: Access your standing orders concerning the Predator.
Dalek: The Predator must be destroyed.
The Doctor: And how are you going to do that, Dalek? Without your gun you’re a tricycle with a roof. How are you going to destroy me.
Dalek: Self destruct initiated.
Amy: What’s it doing?
The Doctor: It’s going to blow its up. And I with it. Only weapon it’s got left.
Dalek: Self destruct cannot be countermanded!
The Doctor: I’m not looking for a countermand, dear. I’m looking for reverse.

Rory: Who killed all the Daleks?
The Doctor: Who do you think?

Rory: Will sleeping help her? Will it slow down the process?
Oswin: Better hope so. Because pretty soon she’s going to try and kill you.
The Doctor: Amy! Still with us?
Rory: Amy, it’s me. Do you remember me? {she slaps him} She remembers me.
The Doctor: Same old Amy.
Oswin: Do you know how you make someone into a Dalek? Subtract love, add anger. Doesn’t she seem a bit too angry to you?
Amy: Well. Somebody’s never been to Scotland.

The Doctor: What about you though, Oswin? How come you’re okay? Why hasn’t the nanocloud converted you?
Oswin: I mentioned the genius thing, yeah? Shielded in here.
The Doctor: Clever of you. Now, this place. The Daleks said it was fully-automated. But look at it in here. It’s a wreck.
Oswin: Well I’ve had nearly a year to mess with them and… {looks around} not a lot else to do.
The Doctor: A junior entertainment manager hiding out in a wrecked ship, hacking the security systems of the most advanced warrior race the universe has ever seen. But you know what really gets me about you, Oswin. The soufflés.
Amy: The soufflés?
The Doctor: Where do you get the milk for the soufflés? Seriously, is no one else wondering about that?
Rory: No! Frankly, no. Twice.

Oswin: So. Doctor. I’ve been looking you up. You’re all over the database. Why do the Daleks call you “the Predator”.
The Doctor: I’m not a predator. I’m just a man with a plan.
Oswin: You’ve got a plan?
Rory: We’re all ears.
Amy: There’s a nose joke going if someone wants to pick that one off.
The Doctor: In no particular order, we ned to neutralize all the Daleks in this Asylum, rescue Oswin from the wreckage, escape from this planet, and fix Amy and Rory’s marriage.
Amy: Okay, I’m counting three lost causes. Anyone else?

Rory: But you said when the force field is down the Daleks will blow us up.
The Doctor: We’ll have to be quick, yes.
Amy: Fine, we’ll be quick. But where do we beam to?
The Doctor: The only place within range. The Dalek ship.
Amy: Then they’d exterminate us on the spot.
Rory: Oh, so this is the kind of escape plan where you survive about four seconds longer.
The Doctor: What’s wrong with four seconds? You can do loads in four seconds.

The Doctor: Oswin, how soon can you drop the force field?
Oswin: I can do it from here. As soon as you come get me.
The Doctor: No, just drop the force field and come to us.
Oswin: There’s enough power in that teleport for one go. Why would you wait for me?
The Doctor: Why wouldn’t I?
Oswin: No idea. Never met you. Sending you a map so you can come get me.
Rory: This place is crawling with Daleks.
Oswin: Yeah. Kind of why I’m anxious to leave. Come up and see me sometime.

Rory: So. Are we going to go get her?
The Doctor: I don’t think that we have a choice.

The Doctor: Okay, as soon as the force field is down the Daleks will attack. If it gets too explode-y wode-y in here, you go without me, okay?
Rory: And leave you to die?
The Doctor: Oh, don’t worry about me. You’re the one beaming up to a Dalek ship to get exterminated.
Rory: Fair point. Love this plan!

The Doctor: Oswin. I think I’m close.
Oswin: You are. Less than twenty feet away. Which is the good news.
The Doctor: Okay. And the bad, which I suddenly feel is coming.
Oswin: You’re about to pass through intensive care.

The Doctor: What’s so special about this lot then?
Oswin: Don’t know. Survivors of particular wars. Spiridon [Gamble]. [Iridius] Vulcan. Exxilon. Ringing any bells?
The Doctor: All of them.
Oswin: Yeah? How.
The Doctor: These are the Daleks who survived me.

Oswin: Tell me I’m cool, Chin Boy.
The Doctor: What did you do?
Oswin: Hang on, I think I found the door thingie.
The Doctor: No, tell me what you did.
Oswin: The Daleks, they have a hive mind. Well they don’t, but they have a sort of telepathic web.
The Doctor: The pathweb, yes.
Oswin: I hacked into it. Did a master delete on all the information connected with the Doctor.
The Doctor: But you made them forget me.
Oswin: Good, huh? And here comes the door.
The Doctor: I tried hacking into the pathweb. Even I couldn’t do it.
Oswin: Come meet the girl who can.

The Doctor: Oswin. We have a problem.
Oswin: No we don’t. Don’t even say that. Joined the Alaska to see the universe, ended up stuck in a ship-wreck first time out. Rescue me, Chin Boy, and show me the stars.
The Doctor: Does it look real to you?
Oswin: Does what look real?
The Doctor: Where you are right now. Does it seem real?
Oswin: It is real.
The Doctor: It’s a dream, Oswin. You dreamed it for yourself because the truth was too terrible.
Oswin: Where am I?
The Doctor: Because you are a Dalek.
Oswin: I am not a Dalek! I am not a Dalek! I’m human.
The Doctor: You were human when you crashed here. It was you who climbed out of the pod. That was your ladder.
Oswin: I’m human.
The Doctor: Not anymore. Because you’re right. You’re a genius. And the Daleks need genius. They didn’t just make you a puppet. They did a full conversion.

The Doctor: Oswin, I am so sorry. But you are a Dalek. The milk, Oswin. The milk and the eggs for the soufflé. Where—where—did it all come from?
Oswin: Eggs…
The Doctor: It wasn’t real. It was never real.
Oswin: Eggs… ter… min… ate. Exterminate…

Oswin: Why do they hate you so much? They hate you so much. Why?
The Doctor: I fought them many, many times.
Oswin: We have grown stronger in fear of you.
The Doctor: I know. I tried to stop.
Oswin: Then run.
The Doctor: What did you say?
Oswin: I’m taking down the force field The Daleks above have begun their attack. Run!
The Doctor: Oswin, are you—
Oswin: I am Oswin Oswald. I fought the Daleks and I am human. Remember me.
The Doctor: Thank you.
Oswin: Run! {to herself} Run, you clever boy. And remember.

Dalek: The Asylum is destroyed!
Dalek: Incoming teleport from Asylum planet. we are under attack!
Dalek: Prepare to defend! Defend!
Dalek: Explain, Dalek Supreme.
The Doctor: You know, you guys should really have seen this coming. The thing about me and teleports, I’ve got a really good aim. Pinpoint accurate, in fact. Or, to put it another way: suckers!

Dalek: Identify yourself!
Daleks: Identify!
The Doctor: Well it’s me. You know me. The Doctor. The Oncoming Storm. The Predator.
Darla: Titles are not meaningful in this context. Doctor who?
Dalek: Doctor who?
The Doctor: Oh, Oswin. Oh, you did it to them all. You beauty.
Dalek: Doctor who! Doctor who!
The Doctor: Fellas, you’re never gonna stop asking.

The Doctor: Doctor who. Doctor who! Doc-tor Who!

View all quotes from Asylum of the Daleks

Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

Egypt 1334 B.C.

The Doctor: Bye then. Lovely meeting you. Sorry about the mess!
Queen Nefertiti (Riann Steele): You think I’ll just let you leave without me, huh? After what we have just been through.
The Doctor: You’ve got the Egyptian people to rule, Queen Nefertiti. They’ll need reassuring after that weapon-bearing giant alien locust attack we just stopped rather brilliantly. {his pocket honks} Oh dear! Sorry. {pulls out the psychic paper} I’ve got it set to temporal news feed… oh, that’s interesting.
Nefertiti: What is?
The Doctor: Nothing. Nothing interesting. Not at— Oh hoo! Never been there, excited!

2367 A.D.

Indira (Sunetra Sarker): Craft size approximately ten million square kilometers.
The Doctor: A ship the size of Canada coming at Earth very fast. Any signs of life?
Indira: We sent up a drone craft, it took these readings.
The Doctor: Crikey, Charlie. Look at that! Oh, I know somebody who’d love a look at that. And the Ponds! Mustn’t forget the Ponds, Nefi. Haven’t seen them in ages. I’m riffing. People usually stop me when I’m riffing. Or carry on without me, that’s also an option.
Nefertiti: Can you communicate with this craft?
The Doctor: She’s with me. Good question, Nefi.
Indira: No. No response on any channel in any recognized language. If it comes within ten thousand kilometers of Earth, we send up missiles.
The Doctor: Oh, Indira. I liked you before you said missiles. How long ’til the ship gets that close?
Indira: Six hours, nineteen minutes.
The Doctor: Right. Better get a shift on then. Leave it with us. Come on then, Nefi. We’re gonna need help.

African Plains 1902 A.D.

The Doctor: More stew?
Riddell (Rupert Graves): Where have you been, man? Seven months! You said you were popping out for some licorice. I had two very disappointed dancers on my hands. Not that I couldn’t manage.
The Doctor: Riddell, listen. I found, well… something.
Riddell: No no no no no no. I shan’t fall for that again. {the Doctor just waits} What is it?
The Doctor: I have no idea. Do you want to find out?

Amy, Rory, Brian, the bulb and the ladder find themselves inside the TARDIS
The Doctor: Hello. You weren’t busy, were you? Well even if you were it wasn’t as interesting as this… probably is. Didn’t want you to miss it. Now. Just a quick hop. Everybody grab a torch.

The Doctor: Spiders. We don’t normally get spiders in space.
Brian walking out: What the—
The Doctor: Don’t move! Do you really think I’m the stupid, I wouldn’t notice. How did you get aboard, hey? Transmat? Who sent you?
Rory: Doctor. That’s my dad.
The Doctor: Well frankly that’s outrageous.
Rory: What?
The Doctor: You think you can just bring your dad along without asking? I’m not a taxi service, you know.
Rory: You materialized around us!
The Doctor: Oh! Well that’s fine then. My mistake. Hello Brian! How are you? Nice to meet you? Welcome. Welcome. This is the gang. I’ve got a gang. Yes! Come on then, everyone!

Amy: Alright. Where are we, what is that noise and—hello!—ten months?
The Doctor: Orbiting Earth. Well… I say orbiting. More like pre-crashing. On a spaceship. Don’t know. And hello, Pond! Ten months. Time flies. Never really understood that phrase. {introducing the gang} This is Nefi, this is Riddell. They’re with me.
Amy: With you? They’re with you? Are they the new us? Is that why we haven’t seen you?
The Doctor: No, they’re just people. They’re not Ponds. I thought we might need a gang. Never really had a gang before. It’s new.

An elevator appears to be approaching their level
The Doctor: It’s coming down.
Riddell: What is it?
The Doctor: No idea.
The doors open and dinosaurs come out
Brian: Not possible.
The Doctor: Run.
Amy: Doctor!
The Doctor: I know. Dinosaurs. On a spaceship!

Rory: Okay. So. How? And whose ship?
The Doctor: Well there’s so much to discover. Think how much wiser we’ll be by the end of all this.
Brian: Sorry. Sorry. Are you saying dinosaurs are flying a spaceship?
The Doctor: Brian. Please. That would be ridiculous. They’re probably just passengers. Did I mention missiles?
Brian: Missiles!
The Doctor: Didn’t want to worry you. Anyway, six hours is a lifetime. Not literally a lifetime. That’s what we’re trying to avoid. And we’re really clever. Oo! Let’s see what we can find out.

Brian: We’re outside we’re on a beach.
The Doctor: Teleports! Oh, I hate teleports! Must have activated on my voice.
Brian: Ah. Yes. Well. Thank you, Arthur C. Clarke. Teleport. Obviously. I mean, we’re on a spaceship with dinosaurs. Why wouldn’t there be a teleport. In fact, why don’t we just teleport now! {he stomps off}
The Doctor: Is he alright?
Rory: No, he hates travelling. Makes him really anxious. He only goes to the paper shop and golf.
The Doctor: What did you bring him for?
Rory: I didn’t! Why can’t you just phone ahead like any normal person?

Brian: Somebody tell me where we are. Now.
The Doctor checking with his tongue: Well it’s on Earth. Doesn’t taste right. Too metallic.
Brian: Is that a kestrel?
The Doctor: I do hope so.
Rory: The beach is humming.
The Doctor: Is it! Oh yes. Well don’t just stand there, you two. Dig! I’m going to look at rocks. Love a rock.

Rory: Dad, I’m thirty-one. I don’t have a Christmas list anymore.
The Doctor in the distance: I do!

The Doctor: See! Metal floors! Screens in rocks. It was just a short range teleport. We’re still in the ship.
Brian: No. We’re outside on a beach.
Rory: No, it’s part of the ship, Dad.
Brian: Don’t be ridiculous.
The Doctor: Well it is quite ridiculous. Also brilliant. That’s why the system teleported us here. I wanted the engines. This is the engine room! Hydro-generators!
Brian: I have literally no idea what he’s saying.
Rory: A spaceship powered by waves.
The Doctor: Fabulously impossible. Oh, think of the things we could learn from this ship if we manage to stop it being blown to pieces.
Rory: Plus not dying.
The Doctor: Bad news is, can’t shut the wave system down in time. Takes… {he finally notices the screeching} Takes way too long.
Rory: Well if these are the engines there must be a control room.
The Doctor: Exactly. That’s what we need to find. Now, what do we do about the things that aren’t kestrels?
Brian: Oh my lord. Are those pterodactyls?
The Doctor: Yes. On any other occasion I’d be thrilled. Exposed on a beach? Less than thrilled. We should be going.
Rory: Where?
The Doctor: Ah, definitely away from them.
Rory: That’s the plan?
The Doctor: That’s the plan. Amendments welcome. Move away from the pterodactyls.
Rory: I think they might be noticing.
The Doctor: Amendment passed. Run!
Brian: Can’t we just teleport or something.
The Doctor: No! Local teleports burned out on arrival.

Rory: What do we do now? There’s no way back out there.
The Doctor: Through the cave. Come on. {he hears big footsteps} That suggestion was a work in progress.
Brian: We’re trapped.
The Doctor: Yes. Thanks for spelling it out.
Rory: Doctor, whatever’s down there is coming this way.
The Doctor: Spelling it out is hereditary. Wonderful.
Brian: That sound’s getting nearer.

Robot 1: You’re going straight on the naughty step!
Brian: What’s the escape plan?
The Doctor: Why do we want to escape?
Brian: They have us hostage.
Rory: They’re taking us somewhere. We might learn from it.
The Doctor: Ah… you see, so clever! I’ve missed you, Rory. {he tugs his ear}
Rory: Don’t do that.
Brian: What if they kill us?
The Doctor: They wouldn’t do that! {he turns to the robots} You’re not gonna kill us, are you Rusty?
Robot 2: Who are you calling Rusty?
The Doctor: Have you seen yourselves lately?
Robot 2: You try being on this ship for two millennia, see how your paintwork does!
Robot 1: Don’t listen to him. He’s just being mean ’cause we captured him.

The Doctor: Oo! Herbivore, Brian. Don’t panic. Triceratops! Ha! It’s beautiful.

The Doctor: Rawr yourself! Hello, cutie pie. Who’s a lovely tricey then, eh? {he pets its head} Yes you are. Yes you are!
Brian: What do I do? What do I do? What’s it doing?
The Doctor: You don’t have any vegetable matter in your trousers, do you, Brian?
Brian: Only my balls.
The Doctor: I’m sorry?
Brian: Golf balls. Grassy residue.
Rory: What are you carrying those around for?
{The triceratops licks Brian’s face}
The Doctor: Oh, bless.
Brian: Get it away from me.
The Doctor: Throw one.
Brian: Really? {to the animal} Is this what you want? Is it? {the triceratops runs after it}
The Doctor: And breathe out.

The Doctor: Right. Take us to your leader.
Rory: Really?
The Doctor: Too good to resist.

The Doctor: Love what you’ve done with the place down here.
Solomon: Let him in. Open the gate.

The Doctor: Fantasia in F minor for four hands.
Solomon (David Bradley): You know it.
The Doctor: Know it? Say hello to hands three and four. Schubert kept tickling me to try and put me off. “Franz the Hands.” Oh that takes me back. Well. This is… cozy.
Solomon: It’s fate you came.
The Doctor: Is it? I’m the Doctor.
Solomon: Yes, I know. I’m Solomon.
The Doctor: What’s that?
Solomon: System malfunction. Ignore it.
The Doctor: What happened to you?
Solomon: I was attacked. Three raptors. They cornered me. The robots rescued me but it was nearly too late.
The Doctor: Ah yes. The robots. They’re… unusual.
Solomon: I got them cheap. From a concession on Aluria 7. The robots did as best they could with my legs but… you can help me so much more.
The Doctor: Oh. A doctor doctor. I see. Let’s have a look.
Solomon: They chewed through a part of the bone in my legs.
The Doctor: Yes. Very nasty.
Solomon: But you can repair them.
The Doctor: If you tell me how you came by so many dinosaurs.
Solomon to the robots: Injure the older one.
The Doctor: What?
{Brian is shot by one of the robots}
Rory: It’s alright, Dad. It’s okay. It’s okay.
The Doctor: I don’t respond well to violence, Solomon.
Solomon: And I don’t like questions, Doctor. You boarded without my permission. Now, fix me or the next bolt will be fatal.

Solomon: How did you get on board, Doctor?
The Doctor: Oh, I never talk about myself with a gun pointed at me. Let’s talk about you. Your cozy little craft embedded in a vast old ship.
Solomon: You’re very observant.
The Doctor: I’m a Sagittarius. Probably.
Solomon: I’m transporting it to the Roxbourne Peninsula.
The Doctor: Commerce colony? You’re a trader.
Solomon: I search out opportunities for profit across the nine galaxies.
The Doctor: Ah, the purple light. That’s what it was. An IV system, identifying value. The database of everything across space and time, allocated a market value. Argos for the Universe. You were trying to find out how much I’m worth.
Solomon: Would you like to know? {they wait until: no identification found} You don’t exist. It’s never done that.
The Doctor: That’s me. Worthless. Unlike these creatures you have on board. Very valuable. Given they’re extinct.

The Doctor: Be ready.

Solomon: The pain in my legs is gone. I can move them. Thank you, Doctor.
The Doctor: What did you do to the Silurians?
Solomon: We ejected them. The robots woke them from cryo-sleep a handful at a time and jettisoned them from the airlocks. We must have left a trail of dust and bone.
The Doctor: Because you wanted the dinosaurs.
Solomon: Their ship crossed my path. I sent out a distress signal, they let me board. But when I saw the cargo, things became more complex.
The Doctor: Piracy then genocide.
Solomon: Very emotive words, Doctor.
The Doctor: Oh, I’m a very emotive man.
Solomon: The lizards wouldn’t negotiate. I made them a generous offer.
The Doctor: The creatures on board this ship are not objects to be sold or traded.
Solomon: I feel like you’re judging me.
The Doctor: You said Roxbourne Peninsula, so why are you heading to Earth? You’re on the wrong course. {realizing} Oh. You don’t know how. Ha. Brilliant. You couldn’t changed the preprogrammed course. Without instructions the ship defaulted, returned home. Oh dear. The Silurians outwitted you even after you’d massacred them, so now you’re a prisoner on the ship you hijacked.
Solomon: Not now you’re here. You’re going to help me to wherever I want to go, Doctor.
The Doctor: Little bit of news, Solomon. You’re being targeted by missiles. Get off this ship. While you still can.
Solomon: You think I believe that? You just want them for yourself. You won’t profit from me, Doctor.
The Doctor: Don’t ever judge me by your standards.

The Doctor: Well don’t just stand there, Rory. {to the robots} Hey! He wants to see you.
Rory: Dad, up!
What are we doing?
The Doctor: Just do exactly as I do!
Rory: Doctor, no!
The Doctor: Geronimo!

The Doctor: Go Tricey! Run like the wind! {nothing} How do you start a triceratops?
Brian: Tricey, fetch!

Indira: Doctor, the ship’s coming through the atmosphere. I have to start the missile program.
The Doctor: No. No no no. Don’t do that! Everything’s completely under control here. Turning around any moment. Need a bit of wiggle room on the timings.
Indira: I can’t do that.
The Doctor: You can. Of course you can. Tiny bit more time. Indira, please, this ship contains the most precious cargo.
Indira: My only responsibility is the Earth’s safety. I’m launching the missiles. Goodbye, Doctor.

Rory: So what? We’re just giving up?
The Doctor: I don’t know. I don’t know.
Solomon: You were telling the truth, Doctor. Earth has launched missiles. This vessel is too clumsy to outrun them but I have my own ship.
The Doctor: You won’t get your precious cargo on board though. It’ll just be you and your metal tantrum machines.

Solomon: You’re right, Doctor. I can’t keep the dinosaurs and live myself. But I had the IV system scan the entire ship. And it found something more valuable. Utterly unique. I don’t know where you found it or how you got it here, but I want it.
The Doctor: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Solomon: Earth Queen Nefertiti of Egypt. The face stamped across history. Give her to me, and I’ll let the rest of you live.
The Doctor: No.
Solomon: You think I won’t punish those who get in my way, whatever they’re worth?

The Doctor: You must be very proud.
Solomon: Bring her to me or the robots will make their way through your corpses. Bring her now!
The Doctor: No.

The Doctor: What are you doing?
Nefertiti: I demanded to be brought here.
The Doctor: No. No no no no. No way.
Nefertiti: It isn’t your choice, Doctor. It’s mine.
The Doctor: Listen to me, if you go with him I can’t guarantee your safety.
Nefertiti: You saved my people, I am in your debt.
The Doctor: No. No debts. You don’t owe me anything.
Nefertiti: Then I do it of my own will.

The Doctor: Okay. Control deck.
Rory: So, what’s the plan?
The Doctor: Come on. The missiles are locked onto us, we can’t outrun them. We have to save the dinosaurs and get Nefertiti back from Solomon. Isn’t it obvious?
Rory: Ah, it’s sort of the opposite of obvious.
The Doctor: Seventeen minutes before the missiles hit. We need to turn this ship around.
Rory: But you said it was too late, there wasn’t any time.
The Doctor: Ah, yes. But I didn’t have this plan then, did I? Riddell! Keep an eye out for dinosaurs.
Rory: I was rather hoping you’d say that.
The Doctor: And no killing any. Rory, Brian, get rid of the cobwebs.

The Doctor: No, don’t be like that. Really unhelpful.
Amy: What’s the matter?
The Doctor: Parallel pilot compartments. Bio-configured. Needs two operators of the same gene chain. That’s why Solomon couldn’t change the ship’s course and neither can we. {Brian raises his hand} What?
Brian: We can. Me and Rory, we must be the same gene thingy you just said.
The Doctor: Brian Pond, you are delicious.
Brian: I’m not a Pond.
The Doctor: Of course you are.

The Doctor: The ship does all the engineering. The control’s are straightforward. Even a monkey could use them. Oh look, they’re going to. {no reaction} Guys, come on. Comedy gold. Where’s a Silurian audience when you need one?

The Doctor: Steer away from the Earth. Try not to bump into the moon otherwise the races that live there will be livid.
Brian: What?

The Doctor: Right. Phase Two is sorted. Now for Phase One.
Amy: No no no, Phase Two comes after Phase One.
The Doctor: Humans, you’re so linear. Shine a torch in here.
Amy: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Mixing my messages.

The Doctor: How’s the job?
Amy: We’re about to be hit by missiles and you’re asking me that?
The Doctor: I work best when I’m multi-tasking. Keep talking. How’s the job?
Amy: I gave it up.
The Doctor: You gave the last one up.
Amy: Yeah well I can’t settle. Every minute I’m listening out for that stupid TARDIS sound.
The Doctor: Right, so it’s my fault now is it?
Amy: I can’t not wait for you, even now. And they’re getting longer you know. The gaps between your visits.
The Doctor: Are they?
Amy: I think you’re weaning us off you.
The Doctor: I’m not, I promise. Really promise. The others, they’re not you. But you and Rory, you have lives—each other. It was what we agreed.
Amy: I know. I just worry there’ll come a time when you never turn up. That something will have happened to you and I’ll still be waiting, never knowing.
The Doctor: No. Come on, Pond. You’ll be there ’til the end of me.
Amy: Or vice versa.

The Doctor: Don’t mess with Egyptian queens, Solomon. I hope you’ve learned that now.

Solomon: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Disabling this ship’s signal and replacing it with the one from the Silurian ship. I send this craft off emitting the signal they’re looking for, the missiles will follow. Hopefully Silurian ship safe, dinosaurs safe, everybody safe. Bit tight for time though. Shouldn’t really be chatting. Nefi, let’s go.

Solomon: Whatever you want I can get it for you. Whatever object you desire.
The Doctor: Did the Silurians beg you to stop? Look Solomon. The missiles. See them shine, see how valuable they are? And they’re all yours.
Solomon: You wouldn’t leave me, Doctor.
The Doctor: Enjoy your bounty.
Solomon: Doctor!

The Doctor: So. Dinosaur drop off time.
Rory: Actually we think home for us.
The Doctor: Oh. Fine. Of course!
Amy: Not forever, just a couple months.
The Doctor: Right, yes. I’m pretty busy anyway. I mean I’ve got to drop everyone back.
Brian: About that. Can I ask a favor? There’s something I want to see.

View all quotes from Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

A Town Called Mercy

The Doctor: Mercy. 81 residents.
Amy: Look at this. It’s a load of stone and lumps of wood. {The Doctor scans it} What is it?
The Doctor: A load of stone and lumps of wood.

Rory: Ah, the sign does say “Keep Out.”
The Doctor: I see keep out signs as suggestions more than actual orders. Like “dry clean only.”

The Doctor: That’s not right.
Rory: It’s a street lamp.
The Doctor: An electric about ten years too early.
Rory: That’s only a few years out.
The Doctor: That’s what you said when you left your phone charger in Henry VIII’s own suite.
Amy: Um, Doctor—
The Doctor tickled: Anachronistic electricity. Keep Out signs. Aggressive stares. Has someone been peeking at my Christmas list?

The Doctor: Tea. But the strong stuff. Leave the bag in.
Sadie (Joanne McQuinn): Whatcha doin’ here, son?
The Doctor: “Son”? Ha! You can stay.

The Preacher (Byrd Wilkins): Sir, might I inquire who you is?
The Doctor: Of course, I’m the Doctor. This is— {everyone stands} No need to stand. {to Rory and Amy} You see that? Manners. {the undertaker starts measuring him} Oh! Thank you. But I don’t need a new suit.
Undertaker: I’m the undertaker, sir.

Abraham (Garrick Hagon): I got a question. Is you an alien?
The Doctor: Well, um. Bit personal. It’s all relative, isn’t it? I mean, I think you’re the aliens. But in this context, yes. Yes, I suppose I am.

The Doctor: What was that outside?
Isaac: The Gunslinger. Showed up three weeks back. We’ve been prisoners ever since. See that borderline stretchin’ ’round the town? Woke up one morning, there it was. Nothing gets past it in or out. No supply wagons, no reinforcements. Pretty soon the whole town’s gonna starve to death.
Rory: But, you let us in.
Isaac: You ain’t carryin’ any food. Just more mouths to feed. We’ll all die even sooner now.
The Doctor: What happens if someone crosses the line? {Isaac tosses him a hat} Ah. Well. He wasn’t a very good shot then.
Isaac: He was aiming for the hat.
The Doctor: He shoots people’s hats?
Amy: I think it was a warning shot.
The Doctor: Ah. No. Yes. I see. Hm.

The Doctor: Anyway, I think it’s about time I met him, don’t you?
Isaac: Who?
The Doctor: The chap outside said I could be the alien doctor, but you said I wasn’t. So you already know who it is. Two alien doctors! We’re like buses. Resident 81, I presume. So beloved by the townsfolk he warranted an alteration to the sign. Probably because he rigged up these electrics. And I’m guessing he’s in here, because if half the town suddenly wanted to throw me to my death, this is where I’d want to be.
Isaac: I don’t know what you—
Kahler-Jex (Adrian Scarborough): It’s alright, Isaac. I think the time for subterfuge has passed. Good afternoon. My name is Kahler-Jex. I’m the doctor.

The Doctor: The Kahler! I love the Kahler! They’re one of the most ingenious races in the galaxy. Seriously, they could build a spaceship out of Tupperware and moss.

The Doctor: So why does the Gunslinger want you?
Isaac: It don’t matter.
The Doctor: I’m just saying, if we knew that—
Isaac: America’s the land of second chances. We called this town Mercy for a reason. Although there’s some around here don’t feel that way.

The Doctor: We evacuate the town. Our ship’s just over the hills. Room for everyone. I’ll pop out, bring it back here. Robert’s your uncle!
Amy: Really? Simple as that? No crazy schemes, no negotiations?
The Doctor: I’ve matured. I’m twelve hundred years old now. Plus I don’t want to miss The Archers.
Amy: Oh. So you’re not even a tiny bit curious?
The Doctor: Why would I be curious? It’s a mysterious space cowboy assassin. Curious, of course i’m not curious.

Isaac: Son, you still gotta get past The Gunslinger. How you gonna do that?
The Doctor: With a little sleight-of-hand.

The Doctor: Can I borrow your horse please? It’s official marshall business.
The Preacher: He’s called Joshua. It’s from the Bible. It means “the Deliverer.”
The Doctor: No he isn’t.
The Preacher: What?
The Doctor: I speak horse. He’s called Susan. And he wants you to respect his life choices.

The Doctor: Two ticks. There’s something niggling me. {Susan whinnies} Yes, yes it could be important. Oy! Don’t swear!

The Doctor: Yes. I wear a stetson now. {surveying the ship} Yes, good point Susan! Where is the damage?

The Doctor: This is an awful lot of security for a tetchy spacecraft.

The Doctor: I know who you are. And who Jex is too. Now, what I don’t understand is why you haven’t just walked into town and killed him.
The Gunslinger: People will get in the way.
The Doctor: Look, you want justice, you deserve justice. But this isn’t the way. We can put him on trial, we can—
The Gunslinger: When he starts killing your people, you can use your justice.

Kahler-Jex: It was stupid of me. I realize that now. I just thought I’d put you all in enough danger. Perhaps if I left.
The Doctor: He’s lying. Every word. Everything he says. It’s all lies. This man is a murderer.
Kahler-Jex: I am a scientist!
The Doctor: Sit down. Sit down! Tell them what you are.
Kahler-Jex: What am I? A war hero.

Isaac: Okay, somebody want to tell me what is going on?
The Doctor: The Gunslinger is a cyborg.
Isaac: A what?
The Doctor: Half-man, half-machine. A weapon. Jex built it. He and his team took volunteers, told them they’d been selected for special training, then experimented on them. Fused their bodies with weaponry and programmed them to kill.
Isaac: Okay. Why? Why would you do that, Doc?
Kahler-Jex: We’d been at war for nine years. A war that had already decimated half of our planet. Our task was to bring peace. And we did. We built an army that routed the enemy and ended the war in less than a week. Do you want me to repent? To beg forgiveness for saving millions of lives?
The Doctor: And how many died screaming on the operating table before you had found your advantage!
Kahler-Jex: War is another world. You cannot apply the politics of peace to what I did. To what any of us did.

Kahler-Jex: You wouldn’t.
The Doctor: I genuinely don’t know.

Amy: Let him come back, Doctor.
The Doctor: Or what? You won’t shoot me, Amy.
Amy: How do you know? Maybe I’ve changed. I mean you’ve clearly been taking stupid lessons since I saw you last.

The Doctor: We could end this right now. We could save everyone right now!
Amy: This is not how we roll, and you know it. What’s happened to you, Doctor? When did killing someone become an option?
The Doctor: Jex has to answer for his crimes.
Amy: And what then? Are you going to hunt down everyone who’s made a gun or a bullet or a bomb?
The Doctor: But they keep coming back, don’t you see? Every time I negotiate, I try to understand. Well not today. No, today I honor the victims first. His, The Master’s, the Daleks’. All the people that died because of my mercy!
Amy: See this is what happens when you travel alone for too long. Well listen to me, Doctor, we can’t be like him. We have to be better than him.
The Doctor: Amelia Pond. Fine. Fine! We think of something else. But frankly, I’m betting on the Gunslinger.

Isaac: Listen to me, you gotta stay. You gotta look after everyone.
The Doctor: It won’t come to that, Isaac.
Isaac: Protect Jex. Protect my town. You’re both good men. You just forget it sometimes.

The Doctor: This has gone on long enough.
The Gunslinger: You are right. You’ve got until noon tomorrow. Give him to me. Or I’ll kill you all.

The Doctor: What’s going on?
Abraham: He in there? Leave the keys and take a walk. Time you get back, this’ll be all done.
The Doctor: I promised Isaac I’d protect him.
Abraham: Protecting him got Isaac dead. Tomorrow it’s gonna get us all dead.

The Doctor: Please don’t do this.
Abraham: Why? Reckon you’re quicker than me?
The Doctor: Almost certainly not. But this? Lynch mobs. A town turning against itself. This is everything Isaac didn’t want.

The Doctor: Don’t you see? Violence doesn’t end violence. It extends it. And I don’t think you want to do this. I don’t think you want to become that man.
Abraham: There’s kids here.
The Doctor: I know. Who I can save if you’ll let me.
Abraham: He really worth the risk?
The Doctor: Don’t know. But you are.

The Doctor: Frightened people. Give me a Dalek any day.

Kahler-Jex: Let me guess. The good folk of Mercy wanted me to take a little stroll into the desert. You could turn a blind eye. No one would blame you. You’d be a hero.
The Doctor: But I can’t, can I? Because then Isaac’s death would mean nothing. Just another casualty in your endless bloody war. Do you want me to hand you over? Is that what you want? Do you even know?
Kahler-Jex: You think I’m unaffected by what I did? That I don’t hear them screaming every time I close my eyes.

Kahler-Jex: It would be so much simpler if I was just one thing, wouldn’t it? The mad scientist who made that killing machine. Or the physician. Who’s dedicated his life to serving this town. The fact that I’m both bewilders you.
The Doctor: Oh, I know exactly what you are. And I see this reformation for what it really is. You committed an atrocity and choose this for your punishment. Don’t get me wrong—good choice. Civilized hours, lots of adulation, nice weather. But—but! Justice doesn’t work like that. You don’t get to decide when and how your debt is paid!

The Doctor: “We all carry our prisons with us”. Ha.

The Doctor: Go! Just go! I can’t save them while you’re here.

The Gunslinger: Where is he?
The Doctor: He’s gone.
The Gunslinger: Where?! Answer me!
The Doctor: Away from here. Look up. Any second now you’ll see the vapor trail of his ship. This is their home! Not the backdrop for your revenge.

The Gunslinger: He behaved with honor at the end. Maybe more than me.
The Doctor: We could take you back to your world. You could help with the reconstruction.
The Gunslinger: I will walk into the desert and self-destruct. I’m a creature of war. I have no role to play during peace.
The Doctor: Except maybe to protect it.

The Doctor: Okay, so! Our next trip. Oo! You know all the monkeys and dogs they sent into space in the ’50s and ’60s? You will never guess what happened to them.
Amy: Um, can we leave it awhile? Our friends are going to start noticing that we’re aging faster than them.
The Doctor: Another time? No worries.

View all quotes from A Town Called Mercy

The Power of Three

The Doctor inspecting a cube: Invasion of the Very Small Cubes. That’s new.

The Doctor: All absolutely identical. Not a single molecule’s difference between them. No blemishes, imperfections, individualities.
Brian: What if they’re bombs? Billions of tiny bombs? Or transport capsules maybe, with a mini-robot inside. Or deadly hard drives! Or alien eggs? Or messages needing decoding. Or. They’re all parts of a bigger whole. Jigsaw puzzles that need fitting together.
The Doctor: Very thorough, Brian. Very very thorough. Well done. Stay here, watch these. Yell if anything happens.

Amy: Doctor, is this an alien invasion? Because that’s what it feels like.
Rory: Yeah, there couldn’t be life forms in every cube, could there?
The Doctor: I don’t know. And I really don’t like not knowing.

The Doctor: Right, I need to use your kitchen as a lab. Cook up some cubes, see what happens.
Rory: Right, I’m due at work.
The Doctor: What, you’ve got a job?
Rory: Of course I’ve got a job— What do you think we do when we’re not with you?
The Doctor: I’d imagine mostly kissing.
Amy: I write travel articles for magazines and Rory heals the sick.

The Doctor: Ah the Ponds. With their house and their jobs and their everyday lives. The journalist and the nurse. Long way from Leadworth.
Amy: You think, it’s been ten years. Not for you. Or Earth. But for us. Ten years older, ten years of you. On and off.
The Doctor: Look at you now. All grown up.

The Doctor: Tell me, since when did science run the military, Kate?
Kate: Since me. UNIT’s been adapting. Well I dragged them along, kicking and screaming. Which, which made it sound like more fun than if actually was.

The Doctor: What do we know about these cubes?
Kate: Far less than we need to. We’ve been crating them in from around the world for testing. So far, we’ve subjected them to temperatures of plus and minus two hundred celsius, simulated a water depth of five miles, dropped one out of a helicopter at ten thousand feet, and rolled our best tank over it. Always intact.
The Doctor: That’s impressive. I don’t want them to be impressive. I want them vulnerable with a nice Achilles Heel.
Kate: We don’t know how they got here, what they’re made of or why they’re here.
The Doctor: And all around the world people are picking them up and taking them home.
Kate: Like iPads have dropped out of the sky. Taking them to work, taking pictures, making films. Posting them on Flickr and YouTube. Within three hours the cube has had a thousand separate Twitter accounts.
The Doctor disdainfully: Twitter.
Kate: I recommend that we treat this as a hostile incursion. Gather them all up and lock them in a secure facility. But that would take massive international agreement and cooperation.
The Doctor: We need evidence. The cubes arrived in plain sight, in vast quantities, as the sun rose. So, what does that tell us?
Amy: Maybe they wanted to be seen, noticed.
The Doctor: Well more than that, they want to be observed. So we observe them. Stay with them, ’round the clock. Watch the cubes day and night. Record absolutely everything about them. Team Cube, in it together!

The Doctor: Four days. Nothing. Nothing! Not a single change in any cube anywhere in the world. Four days and I am still in your lounge!
Amy: You were the one who wanted to observe them.
The Doctor: Well I thought they’d do something, didn’t I? Not just sit there while everyone eats endless cereal!
Rory: You said we had to be patient.
The Doctor: Yes. You. You! Not me! I hate being patient! Patience is for wimps.

The Doctor: I can’t live like this. Don’t make me. I need to be busy.
Amy: Fine! Be busy! We’ll watch the cubes.

The Doctor: Brian. You’re still here.
Brian: You told me to watch the cubes.
The Doctor: Four days ago.
Brian: Doesn’t time fly when you’re alone with your thoughts.

Rory: You can’t just leave, Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes, of course I can. Quick jaunt, restore sanity. Oo! Hey. Come if you like.
Brian: They can’t just go off like that.
The Doctor: Can’t they? Can’t you? That’s how it goes, isn’t it?
Rory: I’ve got my job.
The Doctor: Oh yes, Rory. The universe is awaiting but you have a little job to do.
Rory: Ah. It’s not little, it’s important to me. What you do isn’t all there is.
The Doctor: I never said it was. Alright. Fine. I’ll be back, soon. Monitor the cubes. Call me. I’ll have the TARDIS set to every Earth news feed.

The Doctor: Twenty-sixth of June. 1890. The recently opened Savoy Hotel. Dinner, bed and breakfast for two. Bonjour, bonjour. {to the chef} Merci, Auguste. You’ll be back before the party’s over. They won’t even notice you went. No complications, I promise.

The Doctor: Bit of a shock. Zygon ship under the Savoy. Half the staff imposters. Still. It’s all fixed now, eh?

Amy: I thought we were going home!
The Doctor: You can’t miss a good wedding. Under the bed! Under the bed!
Amy: It wasn’t my fault.
Rory: It was totally your fault.
Amy: Somebody was talking and I just said, Yes.
Rory: To wedding vows! You just married Henry VIII on our anniversary.

Brian: How long were they away?
The Doctor: I don’t know what you’re talking about Brian.
Brian: Because they’re wearing totally different clothes from earlier.
The Doctor: Seven weeks. I got sidetracked. A lot.
Brian: What happen to the other people who travelled with you?
The Doctor: Some left me. Some got left behind. And some… not many, but… some died. Not them, not them, Brian. Never them.

The Doctor: Can I stay here? With you. And Rory, for a bit. Keep an eye on the cubes. However long that takes.
Amy: I thought it would drive you mad.
The Doctor: No. No no. I mean I’ll be better at it this time. I… miss you.

The Doctor: If I had a restaurant, this would be all I’d serve.
Amy: Yeah right. You running a restaurant.
The Doctor: I’ve run restaurants. Who do you think invented Yorkshire pudding?
Rory: You didn’t.
The Doctor: Pudding, yet savory. Sound familiar?

The Doctor: Oh, if Fred Perry could see me now, eh? He’d probably ask for his shorts back.

The Doctor: Whatever you are, this planet, these people are precious to me. And I will defend them to my last breath. Is that all you can do? Hover. I had a metal dog that could do that. {the cube opens} Oo! Oh, that’s clever. What’s tha— {it starts firing}

Rory: Hi. Ah, the cube in there. It just opened.
Amy: The cube upstairs just spiked me and took my pulse!
The Doctor: Really? Mine fired laser bolts and now it’s surfing the ‘net!
Brian: You’re never going to believe this. My cube just moved. It rattled.

Kate: Every cube across the whole world activated at the same moment.
The Doctor: Now we’re in business. You sent me a message to my psychic paper. You know what, I’m almost impressed.

Kate: I’ve got every nation screaming at me for an explanation and no idea what to tell them. I’m lost, Doctor. We all are.
The Doctor: Don’t despair, Kate. Your dad never did. {she looks surprised} Kate Stewart. Heading up UNIT, changing the way they work. How could you not be. Why did you drop Lethbridge?
Kate: I didn’t want any favors. Though he guided me even to the end. “Science leads”, he always told me. Said he learned that from an old friend.
The Doctor: We don’t let him down. We don’t let this planet down.

UNIT Researcher (David Hartley): They’ve stopped. The cubes, across the world. They just shut down.
Kate: Active for forty-seven minutes and then they just die?
The Doctor: Not dead. Dormant, maybe.
Amy: Then why shut down?
The Doctor: I don’t know. I don’t know. I need to think, I need some air. Who has an underground base? Terrible ventilation.

The Doctor: The moment they arrived, I should have made sure they were collected and burned. That’s what I should have done.
Amy: But how? Nobody would have listened.
The Doctor: You’re thinking of stopping, aren’t you? You and Rory.
Amy: No. I mean, we haven’t made a decision.
The Doctor: But you’re considering it.
Amy: Maybe. I don’t know. We don’t know. Well our lives have changed so much. But there was a time—there were years—when I couldn’t live without you. When just the whole everyday thing would drive me crazy. But since you dropped us back here, since you’ve given us this house, you know, we’ve built a life. I don’t know if I can have both.
The Doctor: Why?
Amy: Because they pull at each other. Because they pull at me, and because the travelling is starting to feel like running away.
The Doctor: That’s not what it is.
Amy: Oh come on. Look at you, four days in a lounge and you go crazy.
The Doctor: I’m not running away. But this is one corner of one country on one continent on one planet that’s a corner of a galaxy that’s a corner of a universe that is forever growing and shrinking and creating and growing and never remaining the same for a single millisecond, and there is so much—so much to see, Amy. Because it goes so fast. I’m not running away from things, I am running to them. Before they flare and fade forever.

The Doctor: One day—soon maybe—you’ll stop. I’ve known for awhile.
Amy: Then why do you keep coming back for us?
The Doctor: Because you were the first. The first face this face saw. And you were seared onto my hearts, Amelia Pond. You always will be. I’m running to you, and Rory, before you fade from me.
Amy: Don’t be nice to me. I don’t want you to be nice to me.
The Doctor: Yeah you do, Pond. And you always get what you want.

The Doctor: They got what they wanted.
Amy: What? Who did?
The Doctor: The cubes. That’s why they stopped.

The Doctor: Kate, before they shut down they scanned everything. From your medical limits to your military response patterns. {the power goes out} They made a complete assessment of Planet Earth and its inhabitants. That’s what the surge of activity was. Problem with the power?
Kate: Not possible. We’ve got backups.

Kate: Why do they all say seven?
The Doctor: Seven. Seven? What’s important about seven? Seven Wonders of the World. Seven streams of the river Ota. Seven sides of a cube.
Amy: A cube has six sides.
The Doctor: Not if you count the inside.

The Doctor: It has to be a countdown.
Kate: Not in minutes.
The Doctor: Why would it be minutes, Kate? We have to get humanity away from those cubes. God knows what they’ll do if they hit zero. Get the information out any way you can. News channels, web sites, radio, text messages. People have to know that the cubes are dangerous.
Amy: Okay, but why is it starting now? I mean the cubes arrived months ago. Why wait this long?
The Doctor: Because they’re clever. Allow people enough time to collect them, take them into their homes, their lives. Humans: the great earlier Doctors. And then—wham—profile every inch of Earth’s existence.
Kate: To discover how best to attack us.
The Doctor: Get that information out anyway you can. Go!

Amy: Doctor, please. You don’t have to do this.
Kate: She’s right. You don’t have to be in there. We can do this remotely.
The Doctor: Remotely isn’t my style. See you after.

The Doctor: Geronimo.

Kate: What’s happening?
Amy: Well? What’s in there?
The Doctor: There is nothing in here.
Amy: Well that’s good. You know, it’s not bombs. It’s not aliens.
The Doctor: Why? Why is there nothing inside? Why? It doesn’t make any sense!

The Doctor: Glasses, is it the same? Is it the same all around the world?
Kate: They’re empty. We’re safe. Right?
The Doctor: No. No no no no. We are very far from safe. All along every action has been deliberate. Why draw attention to the cubes if they don’t contain anything.
Amy: Doctor, look. {people are collapsing}
Researcher: They’re CCTV feeds from across the world. Showing the same.
Kate: People are dying.
The Doctor: What? They can’t be dying. How? How are they dying?
Researcher: I want information on how people are being affected.
The Doctor: The cubes brought people close together. They opened the men— {he convulses in pain}.
Amy: Doctor? What’s the matter?
The Doctor: I don’t know!
Hospitals are logging a global surge in heart failures, cardiac arrests.
The Doctor: That’s it! Ah! Ah! Only one heart. The other one’s not working! Only one heart, only one heart!
Amy: Okay, I’m going to take you to the hospital!
The Doctor: No no no no. Just one second. Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Tell me, show me—ten seconds after the cubes opened show me the patterns in their electrical currents. See?
Kate: No.
The Doctor: Yes. The power cut. They sucked the power and then— They’re signal boxes. People leaning in—wham—pure electrical surge after the cube, targeted at the nearest human heart. The heart. An organ powered by electrical current. Short circuited. How to destroy a human: go for the heart. {wincing in pain} Crickey Moses!
Kate: Doctor, the scan you set running. The transmitter locations, it’s found them.
The Doctor: Oh, look at them all. Pulsing, bold as brass. Seven of them all across the world. Seven stations, seven minutes. Why is that important? {pained} Ow! Ow. How do you people manage one heart? It is pitiful! A wormhole, bridging two dimensions. Seven of them hitched on to this planet, but but but where’s the closest one? Glasses, zoom in.
Amy: It’s the hospital where Rory works.

The Doctor: How many deaths have been reported?
Kate: We don’t know. We think it could have been a third of the population.
The Doctor: Kate, I have to find the wormhole. But the attacks could still happen. Tell the world. Tell them how to deal with this. The world needs your leadership right now.
Kate: I’ll do my best.
The Doctor: Of course you will. Good luck.

Amy: How long are you going to last with one heart?
The Doctor: Not much longer. I need to locate the wormhole portal. {his screwdriver gets a reading} Hello? Hello! {to the little girl} You are giving off some very strange signals.
Amy: Oh my god.
The Doctor: Outlier droid. Monitoring everything. If I shut her down, I can… I can’t do it. Amy, I need both hearts.

The Doctor: Welcome back, Lefty! Woo hoo! Two hearts! Back in the game! {he kisses her} Never do that to me again.

Amy: Oh. A portal to another dimension in a goods lift?
The Doctor: The energy signals converge here. Does seem a bit cramped though.

The Doctor: Through the looking glass, Amelia.

Amy: Where are we?
The Doctor: We’re in orbit. One dimension to the left.
Amy: Rory!
The Doctor: Siboran smelling salts. Outlawed in seven galaxies.

The Doctor: Woah! What kind of a welcome do you call that? Get him out of here, now!
Amy: What are you going to do?
The Doctor: Absolutely no idea. Get him to the portal.

The Doctor: It’s not possible. I thought the Shakri were a myth. A myth to keep the young of Gallifrey in their place.
Shakri: The Shakri exist in all of time. And none. We travel alone. And together. The seven.
The Doctor: The Shakri craft, connected to Earth through seven portals in seven minutes. Ah. But why?
Shakri: Serving the word of the Tally.
The Doctor: Why the cubes? Why Earth?
Shakri: Not Earth. Humanity. The Shakri will halt the human plague before the spread.
The Doctor: Erase humanity before it colonizes space. We thought the cubes were an invasion. The start of war.
Shakri: The human contagion only must be eliminated.
Amy: Who you calling a contagion?
The Doctor: Oi! Didn’t I tell you two to go?
Rory: You should have learned by now.
Amy: Yeah. And what is this “tally” anyway?
The Doctor: Some people call it Judgment Day. Or The Reckoning.
Amy: Don’t you know?
The Doctor: I never wanted to find out.
Shakri: Before the closure, there is the tally. The Shakri serves the Tally!
The Doctor: The pest controllers of the universe. That’s how the tales went, isn’t it?
Amy: Wow. That is some serious weird bedtime story.
The Doctor: You can talk. Wolf in your grandma’s nightdress.

The Doctor: So. Here you are, depositing slug pellets all over the earth. Made attractive, so humans will collect them, hoping to find something beautiful inside. Because that’s what they are. Not pests or plague, creatures of hope. Forever building and reaching. Making mistakes of course. Every life form does. But. But— they learn. And they strive for greater and they achieve it. You want a tally. Put their achievements against their failings, through the whole of time. I will back humanity against the Shakri every time.
Shakri: The Tally must be met. The second wave will be released.
Amy: What does that mean?
The Doctor: It’s going to release more cubes to kill more people.

Shakri: The human plague, breeding and fighting. And when cornered, they rage to destroy. You’re too late, Doctor. The tally shall be met.
Amy: He’s gone!
The Doctor: He was never really here. Just the ship’s automated interface, like a talking propaganda poster.

The Doctor: I can stop the second wave. I can disconnect all the Shakri craft from their portals, leave them drifting in the dark space. Ah! But all those people who were near the cubes, so many of them will have died.
Amy: I restarted one of your hearts.
Rory: You’d need mass defibrillation.
The Doctor: Of course. Ah! Beautiful. But. Pond. Ponds! We are going to go one better than that. The Shakri used the cubes to turn people’s hearts off. Bingo! We’re going to use them to turn them back on again.
Amy: Will that work?
The Doctor: Ah. Creatures of hope. Has to.

The Doctor: Thirty seconds. Don’t let me down, cubes. You’re working for me now.

The Doctor: Oh dear. All those cubes. There’s going to be a terrible wave of energy ricocheting up here any second. {beat} Run.
Rory: I’m going to miss this.

Kate: You, ah, you really are as remarkable as Dad said. {she kisses him} Thank you.
The Doctor: My! A kiss from a Lethbridge-Stewart. That’s new.

The Doctor: I better get going. Things to do. Worlds to save. Swings to… swing on. Look. I know. You both have lives here. Beautiful, messy lives. That is what makes you so fabulously… human. You don’t want to give them up. I understand.
Brian: Actually, it’s you they can’t give up, Doctor. And I don’t think they should. Go with him. Go save every world you can find. Who else has that chance? Life will still be here.
The Doctor: You could come, Brian.
Brian: Somebody’s got to water the plants. Just bring them back safe.

View all quotes from The Power of Three

The Angels Take Manhattan

The Doctor: “New York growled at my window. But I was ready for it. My stocking seams were straight. My lipstick was combat-ready and I was packing cleavage that could fell an ox at twenty feet.”
Amy: Doctor, you’re doing it again.
The Doctor: I’m reading!
Amy: Out loud. Please could you not.

Rory: What’s the book?
The Doctor: Melody Malone. She’s the private detective in Old Town New York.
Amy: She’s got ice in her heart, and a kiss on her lips and a vulnerable side she keeps well-hidden.
The Doctor: Oh, you’ve read it?
Amy: No, you read it. Out loud. Then went, “Yowzah!”.
Rory: Only you could fancy someone in a book.
The Doctor: I’m just reading. I just like the cover.
Amy: Oo! Let me see the cover.
The Doctor: No. No. I’m busy. It’s your hair. Is it your hair?
Amy: Oh shut up, it’s the glasses. I’m wearing reading glasses now on my nose. See? There you go.
The Doctor: I don’t like them. They make your eyes look all line-y. {he takes them off} No. Actually. Sorry. They’re fine. Carry on.

The Doctor: Can I have a go? {he tries on her glasses} Oh. Actually that is much better. That is exciting!
Amy: Read to me.
The Doctor: I thought you didn’t like my reading aloud.
Amy: Shut up and read me a story. Just don’t go “Yowzah!”. {The Doctor laughs and rips out a page from the book} Why did you do that?
The Doctor: Oh I always rip out the last page of a book. Then it doesn’t have to end. I hate endings!

The Doctor: “As I crossed the street I saw the thin guy, but he didn’t see me. I guess that’s how it began…”

The Doctor: “I followed the skinny guy for two more block before he turned and I could ask what he was doing here. He looked a little scared so I gave him my best smile and my bluest eyes.
Amy: Beware the Yowzah! Do not, at this point, yowz. {The Doctor looks startled} Doctor? What did the skinny guy say?
The Doctor: “He said, ‘I just went to get coffees for the Doctor and Amy. Hello, River.’”

Amy: What’s River doing in a book? What’s Rory doing in a book?
The Doctor: He went to get coffee. Pay attention.
Amy: He went to get coffee and turned up in a book. How does that happen?
The Doctor: I don’t know! We’re in New York.

Amy: Where did you get this book?
The Doctor: It was in my jacket.
Amy: How did it get there?
The Doctor: How does anything get there? I’ve given up asking.

The Doctor: Date. Date. Does she mention a date. When is this happening?
Amy: Yes, hang on. Oo. April 3rd, 1938.

River: This city’s full of time distortions. It’d be impossible to land the TARDIS here. Like trying to land a plane in a blizzard. Even I couldn’t do it.
The Doctor: Even who couldn’t do it?!
Amy: Don’t you two fall out. She’s only in a book.
The Doctor: Hunh. 1938. Easy one.

Amy: What was that?
The Doctor: 1938. We just bounced off it.

Amy: The Weeping Angels.
The Doctor: It makes sense.
Amy: It makes what?
The Doctor: That’s what happened to Rory. That’s what the Angels do, it’s their preferred form of attack. They dump you back in time, let you live to death.
Amy: Well we’ve got a time machine. We can just go and get him.
The Doctor:Well, tried that if you’ve noticed, and we are back where we started in 2012!
Amy: We didn’t start in a graveyard. What are we doing here?
The Doctor: Don’t know. Probably causally linked somehow. Doesn’t matter. {yelling into the TARDIS} Extractor fans on!
Amy: Well we’re gonna get there somehow. We’re in the rest of the book.
The Doctor having trouble hearing: I’m what?
Amy: Page 43. You’re going to break something.
The Doctor: I’m what?
Amy: “Why do you have to break mine, I asked the Doctor. He fired and said, ‘Because Amy read it in a book and now I have no choice—’”
The Doctor: Stop! No! No! Stop! You can’t read ahead. You mustn’t, and you can’t do that.
Amy: But we’ve already been reading it.
The Doctor: Just the stuff that’s happening now, in parallel with us. That’s as far as we go.
Amy: But it could help us find Rory.
The Doctor: And if you read ahead and find that Rory dies? This isn’t any old future, Amy. It’s ours. Once we know what’s coming it’s fixed. I’m going to break something because you told me I’m going to do it. No choice now.
Amy: Time can be rewritten.
The Doctor: Not once you’ve read it. Once we know it’s coming, it’s written in stone.

The Doctor: Okay, landing a plane in a timey-wimey blizzard. I can push through, but if I’m off by a nanosecond the engines will phase and I’ll shatter the planet. I’ll need landing lights.
Amy: Landing lights?
The Doctor: Yes, I need a signal to lock on to. What did she say? Early Chin Dynasty?

Amy: Come on!
The Doctor: Just a moment. Final checks.
Amy: Since when? {cut to the Doctor checking hair and breath, and a wink}

The Doctor: Sorry I’m late, honey. Traffic was hell. {she laughs and he checks Grayle} Shock. He’ll be fine.
River: Not if I can get loose.

The Doctor: So where are we now, Doctor Song? How’s prison.
River: Oh I was pardoned ages ago. And it’s Professor Song, to you.
The Doctor: Pardoned?
River: Mm. Turns out the person I killed never existed in the first place. Apparently there’s no record of him. It’s almost as if someone’s gone around deleting himself from every database in the universe.
The Doctor: Hm. You said I got too big.
River: And now no one’s ever heard of you. Didn’t you used to be somebody?
The Doctor: Weren’t you the woman who killed the Doctor?
River: Doctor Who?

The Doctor: She’s holding you very tight.
River: At least she didn’t send me back in time.
The Doctor: I doubt she’s strong enough.
River: Well I need a hand back. So which is it going to be? Are you going to break my wrist or hers? {he just looks at her} Oh no. Really? Why do you have to break mine?
The Doctor: Because Amy read it in a book. And now I have no choice. {to Amy} You see?
River: Well what book?
The Doctor: Your book. Which you haven’t written yet. So we can’t read!
River: I see. I don’t like the cover much.
Amy: But if River’s going to write that book she’d make it useful, yeah?
River: Well I’ll certainly try. But we can’t read ahead, it’s too dangerous.
Amy: I know, but there must be something we can look at.
The Doctor: What, a page of handy hints? Previews, spoiler-free.
Amy: Chapter titles.

River: Doctor. Doctor, what is it? What’s wrong? Tell me. Doctor. Doctor, what is it? Tell me. {The Doctor reads Amelia’s Last Farewell} Okay. I know that face. Calm down! Calm down! Talk to me! Doctor!
The Doctor: No! You get your wrist out! You get your wrist out without breaking it!
River: How?
The Doctor: I don’t know! Just change the future!

Amy: Did they get Rory? Where is he, did they take him?
The Doctor: Yes, I think so. Yes. {they hear a child’s giggle}

Amy: So is this what’s going to happen? We just keep chasing him back in time and they keep pulling him further back?
River walking in: He isn’t back in time. I’m reading a displacement but there are no temporal markers. He’s been moved in space, but not in time. And it’s not that far from here by the look of it.
The Doctor: You got out.
Amy: So where is he?

The Doctor: Well come on, come on, come on! Where is he?
River: If it was that easy I’d get you to do it.
The Doctor: How did you get your wrist out without breaking it?
River: You asked, I did. Problem?
The Doctor: You just changed the future!
River: It’s called marriage, honey. Now hush! I’m working.
The Doctor: She’s good, huh? Oh! Have you noticed? Really really good.

River: Ah! Wherever it is, it’s within a few blocks. There’s a car out front. Should we steal it?
The Doctor: Show me! {he grabs her wrist and realizes it’s broken}

The Doctor: Why did you lie to me?
River: When one’s in love with an ageless god who insists on the face of a twelve-year-old, one does one’s best to hide the damage.
The Doctor: It must hurt. Come here.
River: Yes. The wrist is pretty bad too. {The Doctor uses his energy to heal her} No no. No, stop that! Stop that! Stop it!
The Doctor: There you go. How’s that?
River: Well. Let’s see shall we? {she slaps him} That was a stupid waste of regeneration energy! Nothing is gained by you being a sentimental idiot.
The Doctor: River!
River: No! You embarrass me! {she storms off}
The Doctor: River!

River: Why would the send him here? Why not zap him back in time like they normally do?
The Doctor: We’ll know that when we know what this place is.
Amy: Winter Quay.

Rory: Could someone please tell me what is going on.
The Doctor: I’m sorry, Rory. But you just died.

11. Death at Winter Quay

The Doctor: This place is policed by Angels. Every time you try to escape you get zapped back in time.
Amy: So this place belongs to the Angels. They built it?
The Doctor: Displacing someone back in time creates time energy. And that is what the Angels feed on. But normally its a one-off. A hit-and-run. If they could keep hold of their victims, feed off of their time energy over and over again…. This place is a farm. A battery farm. How many Angels in New York?
River: It’s like they’ve taken over every statue in the city.
The Doctor: Yeah, the Angels take Manhattan because they can. Because they’ve never had a food source like this one. The City That Never Sleeps.

Rory: What was that?
The Doctor: I don’t know. But I think they’re coming for you.
Rory: What does that mean? What is going to happen to me? What is physically going to happen?
The Doctor: The Angels will come for you, they’ll zap you back in time to this very spot—thirty, forty years ago. And you will live out the rest of your life in this room. Until you die in that bed.
Rory: And will Amy be there?
The Doctor: No.
Amy: How do you know?
The Doctor: Because he was so pleased to see you again.

Rory: Okay. Well they haven’t taken me yet. What if I just run? What if I just get the hell out of here. Then that never happens.
The Doctor: It’s already happened, Rory. You’ve just witnessed your own future.
River: Doctor, he’s right.
The Doctor: No he isn’t.
River: If Rory got out it would create a paradox.
Amy hearing the noise again: What is that?
River: This is the Angels’ food source. The paradox poisons the well. It could kill them all. This whole place would literally un-happen.
The Doctor: It would be almost impossible.
River: I’m loving the almost.
The Doctor: But to create a paradox, like that, takes almost unimaginable power. What have we got, eh? Tell me. Come on.
Amy: I won’t let them take him. That’s what we’ve got.

The Doctor: Rory, even if you got out you’d have to keep running for the rest of your life. They would be chasing you forever.
Amy: Well then. Better get started. Husband. Run!

The Doctor: River, I’m not sure this can work.
River: Husband, shut up.

The Doctor: I can’t keep doing this.
River: Any ideas?
The Doctor: Yeah, the usual. Run.

The Doctor: What the hell are you doing?!?!
Amy: Changing the future. It’s called marriage.
The Doctor: Amy! Amy! Amy.

River: Doctor! What’s happening?
The Doctor: The paradox! It’s working! The paradox is working!

Rory: Where are we?
The Doctor: Back where we started! The paradox worked! You collapsed the timeline! We all pinged back where we belong.
Rory: What, in a graveyard?
Amy: This happened last time. Why always here?
The Doctor: Does it matter? We got lucky! We could have blown New York off the planet. I can’t ever take the TARDIS back there, the timelines are too scrambled. Oh… I could have lost you both. Don’t ever do that again.
Rory: What, what did we do? We fixed it. We solved the problem.
The Doctor: I was talking to myself.

River: It could do with a repaint.
The Doctor: I’ve been busy.
River: Does the bulb on top need changing?
The Doctor: I just changed it.
River: So. Rory and Amy then.
The Doctor: Yes, I know, I know.
River: I’m just saying. They’re going to get terribly bored hanging around here all day.

Rory: Doctor!
The Doctor: Ha!
Rory: Look, next time could we just go out to the pub?
The Doctor: I want to go to the pub right now. Ah, are there video games there? I love video games?
River: Right. Family outing then.

River: Where the hell did that come from?
The Doctor: It’s a survivor. Very weak, but keep your eyes on it.
Amy: Where’s Rory?
The Doctor: I’m sorry. Amelia. I’m so, so sorry.
Amy: No. No we can just go and get him in the TARDIS. One more paradox.
The Doctor: Would rip New York apart.
Amy: No, that’s not true. I don’t believe you.
River: Mother, it’s true.

The Doctor: Amy, what are you doing?
Amy: That gravestone, Rory’s, there’s room for one more name isn’t there?
The Doctor: What are you talking about? Back away from the Angel. Come back to the TARDIS, we’ll figure something out.
Amy: The Angel, would it send me back to the same time, to him?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Nobody knows.
Amy: But it’s my best shot, yeah?
The Doctor: No!
River: Doctor, shut up! Yes, yes, it is!
The Doctor: Amy—
Amy: Well then. I just have to blink, right?
The Doctor: No!
Amy: It’ll be fine. I know it will. I’ll be with him like I should be. Me and Rory together. {calling River over} Melody.
The Doctor: Stop it! Just, just, stop it!

Amy: You look after him. And you be a good girl and you look after him.
The Doctor: You are creating fixed time. I will never be able to see you again.
Amy: I’ll be fine. I’ll be with him.
The Doctor: Amy. Please. Just come back into the TARDIS, Come along, Pond. Please.
Amy: Raggedy Man, goodbye.

The Doctor: River. They were your parents. Sorry. I didn’t even think.
River: Doesn’t matter.
The Doctor: Course it matters.
River: What matters is this, Doctor. Don’t travel alone.
The Doctor: Travel with me then.
River: Whenever and wherever you want. But not all the time. One psychopath per TARDIS, don’t you think?

River: Okay, this book I’ve got to write. Melody Malone. I presume I send it to Amy to get it published?
The Doctor: Yes.
River: I’ll tell her to write an afterword. For you. Maybe you’ll listen to her.

The Doctor: The last page!

Afterword by Amelia Williams: Hello, old friend. And here we are. You and me, on the last page. By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone. So know that we lived well and were very happy. And above all else, know that we will love you always. Sometimes I do worry about you though. I think once we’re gone you won’t be coming back here for awhile. And you might be alone. Which you should never be. Don’t be alone, Doctor. And do one more thing for me. There’s a little girl waiting in a garden. She’s going to wait a long while, so she’s going to need a lot of hope. Go to her. Tell her a story. Tell her that if she’s patient, the days are coming that she’ll never forget. Tell her she’ll go to see and fight pirates. She’ll fall in love with a man who’ll wait two thousand years to keep her safe. Tell her she’ll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived. And save a whale in outer space. Tell her, this is the story of Amelia Pond. And this is how it ends.

View all quotes from The Angels Take Manhattan

The Bells of Saint John

Cumbria 1207

The Abbott: I’m sorry to intrude. The bells of Saint John are ringing.
The Doctor: I’m going to need a horse.

The Doctor about his ringing TARDIS: That is not supposed to happen!

The Doctor: Hello?
Clara Oswald: Ah, hello. I can’t find the internet.
The Doctor: Sorry?
Clara: It’s gone. The internet. Can’t find it anywhere. Where is it?
The Doctor: The internet?
Clara: Yes, the internet. Why don’t I have the internet?
The Doctor: It’s 1207!
Clara: I’ve got half past three. Am I phoning a different time zone?
The Doctor: Yeah, you really sort of are.
Clara: Will it show up on the bill?
The Doctor: Oh, I dread to think. Listen, where did you get this number?
Clara: The woman in the shop wrote it down. It’s a help line, isn’t it? She said it’s the best help line out there. In the universe, she said.
The Doctor: What woman? Who was she?
Clara: I don’t know. The woman in the shop. So why isn’t there internet? Shouldn’t it just sort of… be there?
The Doctor: Look, listen, I’m not actually— This isn’t… {he sighs} You have clicked on the WiFi button, haven’t you?

The Doctor: Clara? Clara Oswald.
Clara: Hello.
The Doctor: Clara Oswin Oswald!
Clara: Just Clara Oswald. What was that middle one?
The Doctor: Do you remember me?
Clara: No. Should I? Who are you?
The Doctor: The Doctor! No? The Doctor?
Clara: Doctor who?
The Doctor: No, just The Doctor. Actually. Sorry. Could you just ask me that again?
Clara: Could I what?
The Doctor: Could you just ask me that question again.
Clara: Doctor who?
The Doctor: Okay, just once more.
Clara: Doctor who?
The Doctor: Oo, yeah.
Oo… Do you know, I never realize how much I enjoy hearing that said out loud. Thank you.
Clara: Okay. {she slams the door}

The Doctor: Please! I just need to speak to you.
Clara: Why are you still here? Why are you here at all?
The Doctor: Oi! You phoned me. You were looking for the internet.
Clara: That was you?
The Doctor: Of course it was me.
Clara: How’d you get here so fast?
The Doctor: I just happened to be in the neighborhood. On my mobile phone.
Clara: When you say, “mobile phone”, why do you point at that blue box?
The Doctor: Because it’s a surprisingly accurate description!

The Doctor: Right! Don’t be a monk! Monks are not cool.

The Doctor: Walking base station. Walking WiFi base station, hoovering up data— hoovering up people.

The Doctor: Not this time, Clara. I promise you.

The Doctor: Are you all right?
Clara: I’m in bed.
The Doctor: Yes!
Clara: Don’t remember going.
The Doctor: No.
Clara: What did I miss?
The Doctor: Oh! Quite a lot, actually. Angie called. She’s going to stay over at Nina’s. Apparently that’s all completely fine and you shouldn’t worry like you always do, for God’s sake, get off her back. Also, your dad phoned. Mainly about the government. He seems very cross with them. I’ve got several pages on that. I said I’d look into it. I fixed that rattling noise in the washing machine, indexed the kitchen cupboards, optimized the photosynthesis in the main flower bed and assembled the quadricycle.
Clara: Assembled the what?
The Doctor: I found a disassembled quadricycle in the garage.
Clara: I don’t think you did.
The Doctor: I invented the quadricycle.

Clara: What happened to me?
The Doctor: Don’t you remember?
Clara: I was scared. Really scared. Didn’t know where I was.
The Doctor: Do you know now?
Clara: Yes.
The Doctor: Well then, you should go to sleep. Because you’re safe now. I promise. Goodnight, Clara.

Clara: Are you guarding me?
The Doctor: Well, yes. Yes, I am.
Clara: Are you seriously going to sit down there all night?
The Doctor: Yes, I promise. I won’t budge from this spot.
Clara: Well then. I’ll have to come to you.

Clara: Are you going to explain what happened to me?
The Doctor: There’s something in the WiFi.
Clara: Okay.
The Doctor: This whole world is swimming in WiFi. We’re living in a WiFi soup. Suppose something got inside it.
Suppose there was something living in the WiFi. Harvesting human minds. Extracting them. Imagine that. Human souls trapped like flies in the World Wide Web. Stuck forever. Crying out for help.
Clara: Isn’t that basically Twitter?

Clara: What was that face for?
The Doctor: A computer can hack another computer. A living, sentient computer… maybe that could hack people. Edit them, rewrite them.
Clara: Why would you say that?
The Doctor: Because a few hours ago you knew nothing about the internet.
And you just made a joke about Twitter!

The Doctor: You were uploaded for a while. Wherever you were, you brought something extra back. Which I very much doubt you’re going to be allowed to keep.

The Doctor: You and me, inside that box now!
Clara: I’m sorry?
The Doctor: Look, just get inside.
Clara: Both of us?
The Doctor: Trust me. You’ll understand once we’re in there.
Clara: I bet I will.
The Doctor: Look, please—
Clara: What is that box anyway?
Why have you got a box?
The Doctor: Clara—
Clara: Is it like a snogging booth?
The Doctor: A what?
Clara: Is that what you do? You bring a booth. There’s such a thing as too keen.

Clara: What’s going on? Is the WiFi switching on the lights?
The Doctor: No, the people are switching on the lights. The WiFi is switching on the people.

Clara: Our lights are on, everybody else is off. Why?
The Doctor: Some planes have WiFi.
Clara: I’m sorry?
The Doctor: We must be one hell of a target right now.
{they see an airplane approaching} You, me, box, now!

The Doctor: Yes! It’s a spaceship! Yes! It’s bigger on the inside. No! I don’t have time to talk about it.
Clara: But… but…
The Doctor: Shut up. Please. Short hops are difficult.
Clara: …bigger on the inside. Actually bigger.

The Doctor: It’s a spaceship. We flew away.
Clara: Away from the plane?
The Doctor: Not exactly! {they burst out into the plane’s interior}
Clara: How did we get here?
The Doctor: It’s a ship. I told you. It’s all very stretchy!
Clara: Is this the plane? The actual plane? Are they all dead?
The Doctor: Asleep. Switched off by the WiFi.

Clara: What’s going on? Is this real? Please tell me what is happening!
The Doctor: I’m The Doctor. I’m an alien from outer space. I’m one thousand years old, I’ve got two hearts and I can’t fly a plane! Can you?
Clara: No.
The Doctor: Oh. Fine. Well let’s do it together.

The Doctor: Would a victory roll be too showy-offy?
Pilot (Antony Edridge): What the hell’s going on?
The Doctor: Well I’m blocking your WiFi so you’re waking up for a start. Tell you what, do you wanna drive?

Clara: Okay. When are you going to explain to me what the hell is going on?
The Doctor: Breakfast.
Clara: What? I ain’t waitin’ for breakfast!
The Doctor: It’s a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast.

Clara: So this is tomorrow then? Tomorrow’s come early.
The Doctor: No, it came at the usual time. We just took a shortcut. Thank you! Thank you! Tomorrow, a camel.

The Doctor: I don’t take the TARDIS into battle.
Clara: Because it’s made of wood?
The Doctor: Because it’s the most powerful ship in the universe and I don’t want it falling into the wrong hands.

Clara: So if we can travel anywhere in time and space, why did we travel to the morning? What’s the point in that?
The Doctor: Whoever’s after us spent the whole night looking for us. Are you tired?
Clara: Yes.
The Doctor: Well then imagine how they feel! They came the long way around.

Clara: So what happens if you do find them? What happens then?
The Doctor: I don’t know. I can’t tell the future, I just work there.
Clara: You don’t have a plan?
The Doctor: Oh, you know what I always say about plans.
Clara: What?
The Doctor: I don’t have one.

The Doctor: Oi! Hang on. I need that.
Clara: You’ve hacked the lower operating system, yeah? I’ll have their physical location in under five minutes. Pop off and get us a coffee.
The Doctor: If I can’t find them you definitely can’t.
Clara: They uploaded me, remember. I’ve got computing stuff in my head.
The Doctor: So do I.
Clara: I have insane hacking skills.
The Doctor: I’m from space! And the future. With two hearts and… 27 brains.
Clara: And I can find them in under five minutes plus photographs. Twenty-seven?
The Doctor: Okay. Slight exaggeration.

The Doctor: The security is absolute.
Clara: It’s never about the security. It’s about the people.

The Doctor: You okay?
Clara: Sure. Setting up stuff. Need a username.
The Doctor: Learning fast.
Clara: Clara Oswald for the win. {thinking} Oswin!

Man with Chips (Matthew Earley): Really, Doctor? A motorbike. It hardly seems like you.
The Doctor: I rode this in the Anti-Grav Olympics, 2074. I came last.
Man with Chips: The building is in lock-down. I’m afraid you’re not coming in.
The Doctor: Did you even hear the word, “anti-grav”?

Miss Kizlet: Do come in.
The Doctor: Download her.
Miss Kizlet: Sorry about the draft.
The Doctor: Download her back into her body right now.
Miss Kizlet: I can’t.
The Doctor: Yes you can.
Miss Kizlet: She’s a fully integrated part of the cloud now. She can’t be separated.
The Doctor: Then download the entire cloud. Everyone you’ve trapped in there.
Miss Kizlet: You realize what would happen.
The Doctor: Yes, those still with bodies to go home to would be free.
Miss Kizlet: A tiny number. Most would simply die.
The Doctor: They’d be released from a living hell. It’s the best you can do for them. So give the order.
Miss Kizlet: And why would I do that?
The Doctor: ‘Cause I’m going to motivate you. Any second now.
Miss Kizlet: You ridiculous man. Why did you even come here. Whatever for?
The Doctor: I didn’t.
Miss Kizlet: What?
The Doctor: I’m still in the cafe. I’m finishing my coffee. Lovely spot.
Miss Kizlet: What are you talking about?
The Doctor: You hack people. But me, I’m old-fashioned. I hack technology.

Clara: So. He comes back, does he?
The Doctor: You didn’t answer my question.
Clara: What question?
The Doctor: You don’t seem like a nanny.
Clara: I was going to travel. I came to stay for a week before I left and during that week…
The Doctor: She died. So you’re returning the favor. But 101 Places to See, and you haven’t been to any of them, have you? That’s why you keep the book.
Clara: I keep the book because I’m still going.
The Doctor: But you don’t run out on the people you care about. Wish I was more like that.

The Doctor: You know, the thing about a time machine though, you can run away all you like and still be home in time for tea. So what do you say? Anywhere. All of time and space right outside those doors.
Clara: Does this work?
The Doctor: Eh?
Clara: Is this actually what you do? Do you just crook your finger and people just jump in your snog box and fly away?
The Doctor: It is not a snog box!
Clara: I’ll be the judge of that.
The Doctor: Starting when?
Clara: Come back tomorrow. Ask me again.
The Doctor: Why?
Clara: ‘Cause tomorrow I might say yes.

The Doctor: Clara, in your book there was a leaf. Why?
Clara: That wasn’t a leaf. That was page one.

The Doctor: Right then, Clara Oswald. Time to find out who you are.

View all quotes from The Bells of Saint John

The Rings of Akhaten

Ellie: Oh my stars, are you alright?
The Doctor: Fine. Marvelous. Refulgent. Possibly a touch embarrassed. That’s not dangerous, is it?
Ellie: What’s not?
The Doctor: Embarrassment.
Ellie: Not usually. Not to my knowledge.

The Doctor: She’s just a girl. How can she be? She can’t be! She is! She’s not possible.

Clara: So we’re moving through actual time? So what’s it made of, time? I mean if you can just roll right through it, it’s got to be made of stuff. Like jam’s made of strawberries. So what’s it made of?
The Doctor: Well not strawberries, no. No no no. That would be unacceptable.

Clara: And we can go anywhere?
The Doctor: Within reason. Well, I say “reason”—
Clara: So we could go backwards in time.
The Doctor: And space, yes.
Clara: And forwards in time.
The Doctor: And space, totally.

The Doctor: Can you feel the light on your eyelids?
Clara: Mm hm.
The Doctor: That is the light of an alien sun. Forward a couple of steps. Okay. Are you ready?
Clara: Yes. No. Yes?

The Doctor: Welcome to the Rings of Akhaten.
Clara: It’s…
The Doctor: Oo! It so completely is. But wait! There’s more.
Clara: More what?
The Doctor: Wait wait wait. In about five… four… three… two…
Clara: What is it?
The Doctor: The pyramid of the Rings of Akhaten. It’s a holy site for the Sound Singers of Akhate.
Clara: The Who of What?
The Doctor: Seven worlds orbiting the same star. All of them sharing the belief that life in the universe originated here. On that planet.
Clara: All life?
The Doctor: In the universe.
Clara: Did it?
The Doctor: Well… it’s what they believe. It’s a nice story.

The Doctor: You know, I forget how much I like it here. We should come here more often.
Clara: You’ve been here before?
The Doctor: Yes yes yes. I came here a long time ago with my granddaughter.

The Doctor: Mm! Exotic fruit of some description. All right. Non-toxic, non-hallucinogenic. High in free radicals and low in other stuff, I shouldn’t wonder.

Clara: So why is everyone here?
The Doctor: Ah! For the Festival of Offerings. Takes place every thousand years or so
when the rings align. It’s quite a big thing locally, like… ah… Pancake Tuesday.

Clara: What’s happening? Why’s it angry?
The Doctor: This isn’t an it! It’s a she. Dor’een, meet Clara. Clara, meet Dor’een.
Clara: Dor’een?
The Doctor: Loose translation. She sounds a bit grumpy but she’s a total love actually. Aren’t you? Yes you are. You know actually she’s just asking you if we fancy renting a moped.

Clara: Um, so how much does it cost?
The Doctor: Ah, not money. Something valuable. Sentimental value. A photograph, love letter, something like that. That’s what’s used for currency here. Psychometry. Objects psychically imprinted with their history. The more treasured they are, the more value they hold.
Clara: That’s horrible.
The Doctor: Better than using bits of paper.

Clara: Are we even supposed to be here?
The Doctor: Sh!
Clara: But are we?
The Doctor: Shhhh!

The Doctor: Look. They’re singing to the mummy in the temple. They call it the Old God. Sometimes Grandfather.
Clara: What are they singing?
The Doctor: The Long Song. A lullaby without end. To feed the Old God. Keep him asleep. It’s been going for millions of years. Chorister handing over to Chorister. Generation after generation after generation.

The Doctor: Listen. There is one thing you need to know about travelling with me. Well, one thing apart from the blue box and the two hearts. We don’t walk away.

The Doctor: I need something precious.
Clara: Well you must have something. All the places you’ve seen, you must have something.
The Doctor pulling out his screwdriver: This. And I don’t want to give it away because it comes in handy.
Clara: You’re a thousand years old and that’s it? Your spanner?
The Doctor: Screwdriver.

The Doctor: Okay. Time to let go.
Clara: I can’t.
The Doctor: Clara, you have to.
Clara: Why?
The Doctor: Because it really hurts.
Clara: Sorry.

The Doctor: Oh, that is interesting. A frequency-modulated acoustic lock. The key changes ten million zillion squillion times a second.
Clara: Can you open it?
The Doctor: Technically no.
In reality, also no. But still, let’s give it a stab. {he puts his shoulder into it with little success}

The Doctor holding the door open: Ah! Hello there! I’m The Doctor. And you met Clara. She was supposed to be having a nice day out. Still. It’s early yet. Are you coming then? {she shakes her head} Did I mention that the door is immensely heavy?
Merry: Leave! You’ll wake him!
The Doctor: Really quite extraordinarily heavy. {the door drops further}

Merry: He doesn’t want you, he wants me. And if you don’t leave he’ll eat you all up too.
The Doctor: Yes. And you don’t want that, do you? You want us to walk out of this really quite astonishingly heavy door. And never come back.
Merry: Yes.
The Doctor: I see. Right. Clarified. Absolutely never going to happen. {he rolls into the room and the door shuts}
Clara: Did you just lock us in?
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: With the soul-eating monster.
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: And is there actually a way to get out?
The Doctor: What, before it eats our souls?
Clara: Ideally, yeah.
The Doctor: Possibly. Probably. … There usually seems to be.

Clara: Doctor, why’s he still singing?
The Doctor: He’s trying to sing the Old God back to sleep. But that’s not going to happen. He’s waking up, mate. He’s coming, ready or not. you wanna run. {the Chorister stops} That’s it then? The song is over.
Chorister Asbethix: The song is over. My name is Chorister Asbethix. And the Long Song ended with me.

The Doctor: He’s waking because it’s his time to wake. And feed. On you, apparently. On your story.
Clara: She didn’t say stories, she said souls!
The Doctor: Same thing. The soul’s made of stories, not
atoms. Everything that ever happened to us—people we loved, people we lost… people we found again against all the odds—he threatens to wake, they offer him a pure soul. The soul of the Queen of Years.
Clara: Stop it, you’re scaring her.
The Doctor: Good. She should be scared. She’s sacrificing herself. She should know what that means. Do you know what it means, Merry?
Merry: A god chose me.
The Doctor: It’s not a god. It’ll feed on your soul, but that doesn’t make it a god. It is a vampire and you don’t need to give yourself to him.

The Doctor: Hey. Do you mind if I tell you a story? One you might not have heard. All the elements in your body were forged many many millions of years ago in the heart of a faraway star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings. Until, eventually, they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. There is only one Merry Galel. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a waste!
Merry: So… if I don’t, then everyone else…
The Doctor: Will be fine.
Merry: How?
The Doctor: There’s always a way.
Merry: You promise?
The Doctor: Cross my hearts.

The Doctor: Yep. Stay back, I’m armed. With a screwdriver.

The Doctor: Actually I think I may have made a bit of a tactical boo boo. More of a semantics mix up, really.
Clara: What boo boo?
The Doctor: I thought the Old God was Grandfather, but it wasn’t. It was just Grandfather’s alarm clock.
Clara: Sorry, a bit lost. Who’s the Old God? Is there an Old God?
The Doctor: Unfortunately yes.
Clara: Oh my stars.

Clara: What do we do?
The Doctor: Against that? I don’t know! Do you know? I don’t know! Any ideas?
Merry: But you promised. You promised!
The Doctor: I did. I… I did promise.

Clara: I say leg it.
The Doctor: Leg it where, exactly?
Clara: I don’t know. Lake District?
The Doctor: Oh the Lake District’s lovely. Let’s go there. We can eat scones. They do great scones in 1927.

Clara: You’re going to fight it, aren’t you?
The Doctor: Regrettably, yes, I think I may be about to do that.
Clara: It’s really big.
The Doctor: I’ve seen bigger.
Clara: Really?
The Doctor: Are you joking?! It’s massive!

Clara: What about that stuff you said? We don’t walk away.
The Doctor: No. We don’t walk away. But when we’re holding on to something precious, we run. We run and run fast as we can. And we don’t stop running until we are out from under the shadow.

The Doctor: Now. Off you pop. Take the moped. I’ll walk.

The Doctor: Okay then. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll tell you a story. Can you hear them? All these people who lived in terror of you and your judgment. All these people whose ancestors devoted themselves, sacrificed themselves to you. Can you hear them singing? Oh you like to think you’re a god. But you’re not a god. You’re just a parasite. Eat now with jealousy and envy and longing for the lives of others. You feed on them. On the memory of love and loss and birth and death and joy and sorrow, so… so come on then. Take mine. Take my memories. But I hope you’re got a big a big appetite. Because I’ve lived a long life. And I’ve seen a few things. I walked away from the last great Time War. I marked the passing of the Time Lords. I saw the birth of the universe and watched as time ran out, moment by moment, until nothing remained. No time, no space. Just me! I walked in universes where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a madman! And I watched universes freeze and creation burn! I have seen things you wouldn’t believe! I have lost things you will never understand! And I know things, secrets that must never be told, knowledge that must never be spoken! Knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze! So come on then! Take it! Take it all, baby! Have it! You have it all!

Clara: Still hungry? Well I brought something for you. This. The most important leaf in human history. The most important leaf in human history. It’s full of stories. Full of history. And full of a future that never got lived. Days that should have been and never were. Passed on to me. This leaf isn’t just the past, it’s a whole future that never happened. There are billions and millions of unlived days for every day we live—an infinity. All the days that never came. And these are all my mum’s.
The Doctor: Well? Come on then. Eat up. Are you full? I expect so. Because there’s quite a difference isn’t there? Between what was and what should have been. There’s an awful lot of one but there’s an infinity of the other. And infinity is too much. Even for your appetite.

The Doctor: Home again, home again, jiggity jig!
Clara: It looks different.
The Doctor: Nope. Same house, same city, same planet. Ha hey! Same day actually, eh? Not bad. Hole in one!

Clara: You were there. My mum’s grave. You were watching. What were you doing there?
The Doctor: I don’t know, I was just… making sure.
Clara: Of what?
The Doctor: You remind me of someone.
Clara: Who?
The Doctor: Someone who died.
Clara: Well whoever she was, I’m not her. Okay? If you want me to travel with you that’s fine. But as me. I’m not a bargain basement stand-in for someone else. I’m not going to compete with a ghost.
The Doctor: No. {he gives her back her ring} They wanted you to have it.
Clara: Who did?
The Doctor: Everyone. All the people you saved. You. No one else. Clara.

View all quotes from The Rings of Akhaten

Cold War

North Pole 1983

The Doctor: Viva Las Veg—augh!
Intruder on the bridge!
Captain Zhukov: Who the hell are you?
Clara: Not Vegas then?
The Doctor: No! But this is much better!
Clara: A sinking submarine?
The Doctor: A sinking Soviet submarine.

The Doctor: Ah! Sideways momentum! You’ve still got sideways momentum.
Captain Zhukov: What?
The Doctor: Your propellers work independently of the main turbines. You can’t stop her going down, but you can maneuver the sub laterally. Do it!
Lieutenant Stepashin: Get these people off the bridge now!
Clara: Just listen to him for God’s sake!
The Doctor: Geographical anomaly to starboard. Probably an underwater ridge.
Captain Zhukov: How do you know this?
The Doctor: Look, we have just a shot. A shot to be safe if we step along and do it! Or this thing is going to implode.
Captain Zhukov: Lateral thrust to starboard, all propellers!
Sir?
Captain Zhukov: Now!
Lieutenant Stepashin: You’re going to let this madman give the orders?

Captain Zhukov: It seems we owe you our lives. Whoever you are.
The Doctor: I’ll hold you to that. It might come in handy.

Clara: Are we going to be okay?
The Doctor: Oh yes.
Clara: Is that a lie?
The Doctor: Possibly. Very dangerous time, Clara. East and West standing on the brink of nuclear oblivion. Lots of itchy fingers on the button.
Clara: Isn’t it always like that?
The Doctor: Sort of, but there are flash points and this is one of them. Hair, shoulder pads, nukes. It’s the 80s. Everything’s bigger.

Captain Zhukov: This sinking is just a coincidence, is it? Who are you?
The Doctor: Alright, Captain. Alright. You know what, just this once, no dissembling, no psychic paper, no pretending to be an Earth ambassador. Doctor. Me. Clara. Time travellers. Clara, you okay?
Clara: Think so.
Captain Zhukov: Time travellers?
The Doctor: We arrived out of thin air. You just saw it happen.
Professor Grisenko: I didn’t!
The Doctor: Your problem, mate. Not mine.

Clara: We were sinking.
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: Then what happened?
The Doctor: We sank.
Clara: No, what happened to the TARDIS I mean.
The Doctor: Never mind that.

The Doctor: Ah… it never rains. But it pours.
Professor Grisenko: We were drilling for oil in the ice. I thought I found a mammoth.
The Doctor: It’s not a mammoth!
Professor Grisenko: No.
Clara: What is it then?
The Doctor: It’s an Ice Warrior. A native of the planet Mars. And we go way back. Way back.
Captain Zhukov: Martian, you can’t be serious!
The Doctor: I’m always serious. With days off.
Clara: Doctor.
The Doctor: Just keeping it light, Clara. They’re scared.
Clara: They’re scared? I’m scared.

The Doctor: Just hear me out. You’re confused, disorientated. Of course you are. You’ve been lying dormant in the ice for, for for how long? How long, Professor?
Professor Grisenko: By my reckoning, five thousand years.
The Doctor: Five thousand years. That’s a hell of a nap. Can’t blame you if you got out on the wrong side of bed.

Skaldak: Skaldak.
The Doctor: What did you say?
Skaldak: I am Grand Marshal Skaldak.
The Doctor: Oh no.

Clara: You… know him?
The Doctor: Sovereign of the Tharsyssian caste.
Vanquisher of the Phobos heresy. The greatest hero the proud Martian race has ever produced.
Captain Zhukov: So what do we do now?
The Doctor: Lock. Him. Up.

The Doctor: The Ice Warriors have a different creed, Clara. A different code. By his own standards, Skaldak is a hero. And it was said his enemies honored him so much they’d carve his name into their own flesh before they died.
Clara: Oh yeah. Very nice. He sounds lovely.
Captain Zhukov: An Ice Warrior? Explain.
The Doctor: There isn’t time.
Captain Zhukov: Try me.
The Doctor: Martian reptile known as the Ice Warrior. When Mars turned cold they had to adapt. They’re biomechanoids, cyborgs, built themselves survival armor so they could exist in the freezing cold of their home world. But a sudden increase in temperature and the armor goes haywire.
Clara: Like with the cattle prod thing?
The Doctor: Like that cattle prod thing. Bit of a design flaw, to be honest. I’ve always wondered why they never sorted it. Oh look, you’re got me telling you about them and I said there wasn’t time!
Clara: Is he that dangerous?
The Doctor: This one is.

Clara: Pretty bad spies, mate. Don’t even speak Russian.
Lieutenant Stepashin: What?
Clara: I don’t… {to The Doctor} Am I speaking Russian? How come I’m speaking Russian?
The Doctor: Now? We have to do this now?
Clara: Are they speaking Russian?
The Doctor: Seriously! Now? It’s the TARDIS translation matrix.

Clara: Are they?
The Doctor: Yes! They’re Russians!

The Doctor: All we needed to do is let Skaldak go. And he’d have forgotten us. But you attacked him. You declared war. “Harm one of us and you harm us all.” It’s the ancient Martian code.

The Doctor: A soldier knows another soldier. He’ll smell it on you. Smell it on you a mile off.
Captain Zhukov: And he wouldn’t smell it on you, Doctor?
The Doctor: Just let me in there before it’s too late. It can’t be you or any of your men.
Captain Zhukov: Well it can’t be you. {Clara clears her throat behind them}
Clara: Well there really is only one choice. Isn’t there? I don’t smell of anything. To my knowledge.

Skaldak: It is time I learned the measure of my enemies. And what this vessel is capable of.
The Doctor: No no no. Skaldak!
Skaldak: Harm one of us, and you harm us all. By the moons, this I swear!

Captain Zhukov: Won’t it be more vulnerable out of its shell?
The Doctor: No. It’ll be more dangerous.

Clara: How did I do? Was I okay?
The Doctor: This wasn’t a test, Clara.
Clara: I know, but…
The Doctor: You were great. Yeah.
Clara: Really?
The Doctor: Really.

The Doctor: Skaldak got no answer from his Martian brothers. Now he’s given up hope.
Captain Zhukov: Hope of what?
The Doctor: Of being rescued.
He thinks he’s been abandoned. He’s got nothing left to lose.

Captain Zhukov: Well what can he do? Stuck down here like the rest of us. How bad can it be?
The Doctor: This sub’s stuffed with nuclear missiles, Zhukov. It’s fat with them. What do you think Skaldak’s going to do when he finds that out? How bad can it be? How bad can it be? It couldn’t be any worse. {the sub starts shifting} Okay. Spoke too soon.

The Doctor: We split up and comb the sub. One team stay here to guard the bridge.
Captain Zhukov: That’s it? That’s the plan?
The Doctor: Well it’s either that or we stay here and wait for him to kill us.

The Doctor: Professor, I could kiss you!
Professor Grisenko: If you insist.
The Doctor: Later.

The Doctor: Stay here.
Clara: Okay.
The Doctor: Stay here, don’t argue!
Clara: I’m not.
The Doctor: Right. Good.

The Doctor: Where is the honor in condemning billions of innocents to death? Five thousand years ago Mars was the center of a vast empire, the jewel of this solar system. The people of Earth had only just begun to leave their caves. Five thousand years isn’t such a long time. They’re still just frightened children. Still primitive. Who are you to judge them?
Skaldak: I am Skaldak. This planet is forfeit under Martian law.
The Doctor: Then teach them. Teach them, Grand Marshal. Show them another way. Show them there is honor in mercy. Is this how you want history to remember you? Grand Marshal Skaldak, destroyer of Earth. Because that’s what you’ll be if you send those missiles. Not a soldier. A murderer. Five billion lives extinguished, no chance for good byes. A world! A world snuffed out like a candle flame !Alright. Alright, Skaldak. You leave me no choice. I’m a Time Lord, Skaldak! I know a thing or two about sonic technology myself.
Skaldak: A threat? You threaten me, Doctor?
The Doctor: No. No, not you. All of us. I will blow this sub up before you can even reach that button, Grand Marshal. Blow us all to oblivion.
Skaldak: You would sacrifice yourself?
The Doctor: In a heartbeat.
Skaldak: Mutually assured destruction.
The Doctor: Look into my eyes, Skaldak. Look into my eyes. Tell me you’re capable of doing this. Hm? Can you do that? Dare you do that? Look into my eyes, Skaldak! Face to face!
Skaldak: Well, Doctor? Which of us shall blink first?

The Doctor: We’ve surfaced. Your people have saved us.
Skaldak: Saved me and not you.
The Doctor: Just go, Skaldak. Please. Please, go in peace.

Clara: We did it!
The Doctor: No. No no no no no. It’s still armed. A single pulse from that ship… I’ll destroy us if I have to. I will destroy us if I have to. Show mercy, Skaldak. Come on. Show mercy. {Clara starts singing Hungry Like the Wolf}

Clara: Saved the world, then.
The Doctor: Yeah.
Clara: That’s what we do.
The Doctor: Yeah.

Clara: The TARDIS! Where’s the TARDIS? You never explained.
The Doctor: Oh well, don’t worry about that.
Clara: Stop saying that. Where is it?
The Doctor: Yeah, well. I wasn’t to know, was I?
Clara: Know what?
The Doctor: I’ve been tinkering. Breaking her in. I’m allowed!
Clara: What did you do?
The Doctor: I reset the HADS.
Clara: Huh?
The Doctor: I reset the HADS!
Clara: The what?
The Doctor: The HADS! The Hostile Action Displacement System. If the TARDIS comes under attack–gunfire, time winds, the sea–it… relocates.
Clara: Oh Doctor.
The Doctor: I haven’t used it in donkey’s years. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Well never mind. It’s bound to turn up somewhere {his screwdriver starts up} Ooo!
Ha! See? Right on cue. Brilliant.
Clara: Brilliant?
The Doctor: The TARDIS is at The Pole.
Clara: Not far then.
The Doctor: The South Pole. {to the Captain} Can we have a lift?

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Alec: Emma?!
Emma: She’s so…
Alec: So, so what?
Emma: Dead. {there’s an ominous knock on the door and Alec goes to answer}
The Doctor: Boo! Hello. I’m looking for a ghost.
Alec: And you are?
Clara: Ghost busters.

The Doctor: I’m the Doctor.
Alec: Doctor what?
The Doctor: If you like.

The Doctor looking at the machines: Ah, but you are very different! {back to Palmer} Ha! You are Major Alec Palmer. Member of the Baker Street Irregulars. The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare. Specialize in espionage, sabotage and reconnaissance behind enemy lines. You’re a talented water-colorist, professor of psychology and ghost hunter. Total pleasure. Massive.
Emma: Actually, you’re wrong. Professor Palmer spent most of the war as a POW.
The Doctor: Actually that’s a lie told by a very brave man involved in very secret operations. {to Palmer} The type of man who keeps a Victoria cross in a box in the attic, eh? {to Emma} But you know that, because you’re Emma Grayling! The professor’s companion.
Emma: Assistant.
The Doctor: It’s 1974. You’re the assistant and non-objective equipment. {to Clara} Meaning psychic.
Clara: Getting that. Bless you though.

Alec: Relax, Emma. He’s military intelligence. So what is all this in aid of?
The Doctor: Health and Safety. Yeah! The Ministry got wind of what’s going on down here. Sent me to check that everything’s in order.
Alec: They don’t have the right.
The Doctor: Don’t worry, governor. I’ll be out of here in five minutes.

The Doctor: Oh. Oh, look! Oh lovely. The ACR-99821. Oh, bliss. Nice action on the toggle switches. You know I do love a toggle switch. Actually I like the word. “Toggle.” Nice noun. Excellent verb.

Alec: What’s that?
The Doctor: Gadget. Health and Safety. Classified, I’m afraid. You know. While the back room boffins work out a few kinks.
Emma: What’s it telling you?
The Doctor: It’s telling me that you haven’t been exposed to any life-threatening transmundane emanations.

The Doctor: So… where’s the ghost? Show me the ghost. It’s ghost time!

Alec: I will not have this stolen out from under me. Do you understand?
The Doctor: Um, no. Not really. Sorry.

The Doctor: The most compassionate people you will ever meet, empathics. And the loneliest. I mean, exposing themselves to all those hidden feelings, all that guilt. Pain and sorrow and…
Clara: Doctor?
The Doctor: Yes?
Clara: Sh.

The Doctor: The Witch of the Well. So where’s the well?

The Doctor: You coming?
Clara: What?
The Doctor: To find the ghost.
Clara: Why would I want to do that?
The Doctor: Because you want to. Come on.
Clara: Well I dispute that assertion.
The Doctor: Eh? I’m giving you a face. Here. Can you see me? Look at my face.
Clara: Fine. Dare me.
The Doctor: I dare you. No takesy-backsies?

Clara: Say we actually find her. What do we say?
The Doctor: We ask her how she came to be. Whatever she is.
Clara: Why?
The Doctor: Because I don’t know. And ignorance is… What’s the opposite of bliss?
Clara: Carlisle.
The Doctor: Yes!
Carlisle. Ignorance is Carlisle.

The Doctor: Ah. The music room. The heart of the house. Do you feel anything?
Clara: No.
The Doctor: Your pants are so on fire.

Clara: Do you feel like you’re being watched?
The Doctor: What does being watched feel like? Is it that funny, tickly feeling on the back of your neck?
Clara: That’s the chap.
The Doctor: Then yes, a bit. Well quite a big bit.

Clara: I think she’s here.
The Doctor: Cold spot. Spooky. Cold. Warm. Cold. Warm. Cold. Warm. …

Clara: Doctor!
The Doctor: What?
Clara: I’m not happy.
The Doctor: No.

Clara: Okay. What is that?
The Doctor: It’s uh, it uh… It’s a very loud noise. It’s a very loud, very angry noise.
Clara: What’s making it?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Are you making it?

Clara: Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes?
Clara: I may be a teeny tiny bit terrified.
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: But I’m still a grown up.
The Doctor: Heh. Mainly. Yes, and?
Clara: There’s no need to actually hold my hand. {the Doctor checks}
The Doctor: Clara?
Clara: Yeah?
The Doctor: I’m not holding your hand.

The Doctor: How does that man, that war hero, end up here? In a lonely old house looking for ghosts.
Alec: Because I killed. And I caused to have killed. I sent young men and women to their deaths. And yet here I am, still alive. It does tend to haunt you. Living after so much of… the other thing.

Alec: What do you think she is?
The Doctor: Not what I thought she’d be.
Alec: What did you think she’d be?
The Doctor: Fun.

Clara: I’ve got this weird feeling it’s looking at me. Doesn’t like me.
The Doctor: The TARDIS is like a cat. A bit slow to trust, but it’ll get there in the end.

Clara: So. Where are we going?
The Doctor: Nowhere. We’re staying right here. Right here on this exact spot if I can work out how to do it.
Clara: So when are we going?
The Doctor: That is good. That is top notch.
Clara: And the answer is?
The Doctor: We’re going always.
Clara: “We’re going always.”
The Doctor: Totally.
Clara: That’s not actually a sentence.
The Doctor: Well it’s got a verb in it.

The Doctor: What do you think?
Clara: Color’s a bit boisterous.
The Doctor: I think it brings out my eyes.

Clara: When are we?
The Doctor: About six billion years ago. It’s a Tuesday, I think.

The Doctor: What’s wrong? Did the TARDIS say something to you? Are you being mean?
Clara: No, it’s not that. Have we just watched the entire life cycle of Earth, birth to death? And you’re okay with that?
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: How can you be?
The Doctor: The TARDIS. She’s time. We… wibbly Vortex.
And so on.
Clara: That’s not what I mean.
The Doctor: Okay. Some help. Context. Cheat sheet… something?
Clara: I mean one minute you’re in 1974 looking for ghosts, but all you have to do is open your eyes and talk to whoever’s standing there.
To you I haven’t been born yet. And to you I’ve been dead a hundred billion years. Is my body out there somewhere? In the ground?
The Doctor: Yes, I suppose it is.
Clara: But here we are talking. So I am a ghost. To you, I’m a ghost. We’re all ghosts to you. We must be nothing.
The Doctor: No. No. You’re not that.
Clara: Then what are we? What can we possibly be?
The Doctor: You are the only mystery worth solving.

The Doctor: The Ghast of Caliburn House. Never changing. Trapped in a moment of fear and torment. But what if she’s not? What if she’s just trapped somewhere time runs more slowly than it does here? What if a second to her was 100,000 years to us? And what if somebody has a magic box–a blue box probably. What if said somebody could take a snapshot of it, say every few million years. She’s not a ghost. But she’s definitely a lost soul. Her name is Hila Tacorian. She’s a pioneer. A time traveller. Or at least she will be in a few hundred years.
Alec: Time travel’s not possible. The paradoxes–
The Doctor: Resolve themselves. By and large.
Emma: How long has she been alone?
The Doctor: Well, time travel’s a funny old thing. I mean, from her perspective, she crash-landed… {checks his watch} three minutes ago.
Emma: Crash landed? Where?
The Doctor: She’s in a pocket universe. A distorted echo of our own. They happen sometimes but never last for long.

Clara: But what’s she running from?
The Doctor: Well that’s the best bit. We don’t know yet. Shall we see?{checks the slides} Oh…
Clara: What is that?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Still, not to worry!

Emma: So what do we do?
The Doctor: Not we. You. You save Hila Tacorian because you are Emma Grayling. You are the lantern. The rest of us are just along for the ride, I’m afraid.

The Doctor: We need some sturdy rope and a blue crystal from Metebelis 3. Plus some Kendal Mint Cake.

Clara: What is that?
The Doctor: Subset of the Eye of Harmony.
Clara: I don’t–
The Doctor: Of course you don’t. Be great if you did. I barely do myself.

The Doctor: All the way from Metebelis 3.
Emma: What does it do?
The Doctor: It amplifies your natural abilities, like a microphone or a pooper scooper.

The Doctor: Listen, all I need to do is dive into another dimension, find the time-traveller, help her escape the monster, get home before the entire dimension collapses and Bob’s your uncle.

Emma: Doctor. Will it hurt?
The Doctor: No. Well yes, probably. A bit. Well quite a lot. I don’t know, it might be agony. To be perfectly honest I’ll be interested to find out.

The Doctor: See? The Witch of the Well! It’s a wormhole. A reality well. A door to the echo universe. Ready?
Emma: Ready!
The Doctor: Geronimo.

The Doctor: Hila Tacorian, I presume.
Hila Tacorian (Kemi-Bo Jacobs): Who are you?
The Doctor: Collapsing universe. You and me dead. Two minutes. No time. Complete sentences. Abandon planet.
Hila: Wait! There’s something in the mist.
The Doctor: Then run. Run!

Hila: What’s wrong?
The Doctor: You know that exit I mentioned?
Hila: Yeah.
The Doctor: I seem to have misplaced it.

The Doctor: Whoa!
Hila: What’s that?
The Doctor: Echo house in an echo universe. Clever psychic. That is just top-notch.

The Doctor: What do you want? To frighten me, I suppose. Eh? Because that’s what you do. You hide. You’re the bogeyman under the bed. Seeking whom you may devour. You want me to be afraid. And well done. I am the Doctor. And I am afraid.

The Doctor: So why am I still here, huh? Why not just eat me? Huh? Come on. Because you still need me. Yeah, you need me to piggyback you across. Ah. To which I say… come on then, big boy. Chase me.

Emma: You wanted a word?
The Doctor: Why, if that’s…
Emma: That’s fine. You didn’t come here for the ghost, did you?
The Doctor: No.
Emma: You came here for me.
The Doctor: Yes.
Emma: Why?
The Doctor: I needed to ask you something.
Emma: Then ask.
The Doctor: Clara…
Emma: Yes?
The Doctor: What is she?
Emma: She’s a girl.
The Doctor: Yes, but what kind of girl specifically.
Emma: She’s a perfectly ordinary girl. Very pretty.
The Doctor: Hm.
Emma: Very clever.
The Doctor: Hm.
Emma: More scared than she lets on.
The Doctor: And that’s it, is it?
Emma: Why? Is that not enough?

Emma: Where will you go?
Hila: He can’t take me home. History says I went missing.
Emma: But he can change history.
The Doctor: No. No no, I can’t, actually. There are fixed points in time, you see–
Clara: Hi.
The Doctor: What? {she pulls him away}

Hila: I knew you were there. I could feel you.
Emma: I know.
Hila: Have we… ?
Emma: We can’t have. You haven’t even been born yet.
The Doctor: No, you can’t have met. But she can be your great, great, great, great, great granddaughter, eh? {Palmer walks up} Yours too, of course. But you guessed that already, didn’t you? Oh. Apparently not.
Alec: The paradoxes–
The Doctor: Resolve themselves, by and large. That’s why the psychic link was so powerful. Blood calling to blood.
Out of time. Not everything ends. Not love. Not always.

The Doctor: Oh, I am so… slow! I am slow. I’m notorious for it. That’s always been my problem. But– but! I get there in the end. Oh yes.

Clara: Doctor?
The Doctor: How do sharks make babies?
Clara: Carefully.
The Doctor: No. No no no. Happily.
Clara: Sharks don’t actually smile. They’re just… well they’ve got lots and lots of teeth. They’re quite eat-y.
The Doctor: Exactly. The birds do it, bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Every lonely monster needs a companion.
Clara: There’s two of them!

The Doctor: It’s the oldest story in the universe. This one or any other. Boy and girl fall in love, get separated by events–war, politics, accidents in time. She’s thrown out of the hex or he’s thrown into it. Since then they’ve been yearning for each other across time and space. Across dimensions. This isn’t a ghost story, it’s a love story.

The Doctor: I’m sorry! I understand now! I can take you to her. I can take you to a safe place far away from here. You can be together. Huh? Come on, then! She’s waiting. {he turns to find the Crooked Man} Well. Hello again, you old Romeo, you. Now. Here she comes. {the TARDIS whooshes in the distance} Get ready to jump.

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Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

The Doctor: You said–
Clara: I know what I said. I was the one who said it.
The Doctor: You said it was looking at you funny.
Clara: I was tired. Overwrought. I didn’t mean it. It’s an appliance. It does a job.
The Doctor: Yes, pretty cool appliance. We’re not talking cheese grater here!
Clara: You’re not getting me to talk to your ship. That’s properly bonkers.

Clara: Ugh. You’re like one of those guys who can’t go out with a girl unless his mother approves.
The Doctor: It’s important to me you get along. I can leave you two alone together.
Clara: Now you’re creeping me out.
The Doctor: Take a wheel. Not the wheel. I’ll make it easy. Shut it down to basic mode for you.
Clara: Basic? ‘Cause I’m a girl?
The Doctor: No! {yes}

Clara: Please, tell me there’s a button you can press to fix this!
The Doctor: Oh yes. Big friendly button.
Clara: Are you lying?
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: To stop me freaking out?
The Doctor: Is it working?
Clara: Not so much!

Gregor: We did nothing if anyone asks, right? The ship was already busted. You got that? And you, make sure you keep your alien mouth shut, you got that?
The Doctor popping up behind them: It’s rude to whisper.

The Doctor: Hi. I’m the Doctor. And you are, ah… van Baalen and van Baalen. Van Baalen and van Baalen. That’s going to get confusing later.
Gregor: We found you drifting.
Bram: Yeah, your ship was junked up pretty bad.
The Doctor: What broke my ship was a magno-grab. Found this remote in your pocket, eh? What are the chances. Outlawed in most galaxies,
this little beastie can disable whole vessels. Unless you have shield oscillators. Which I turned off so Clara could fly. Damn it! {realizing}Clara. Where is she? A girl about… so high. Feisty. She’s still onboard.
Tricky: No, wait! Your pod is leaking fuel. If she’s still in there, she’s dead.

The Doctor: What if I can guarantee you the best haul you’ve ever had?
Gregor: Bram, open the bay doors.
The Doctor: No no. Please stop. Listen. Listen. Right behind those doors is the salvage of a lifetime.

Gregor: I don’t get it. I thought she was lying on her side.
The Doctor: The TARDIS is special. She has her own gravity. I’d explain if I had some charts and a board pen.

Bram: How big is this baby?
The Doctor: Picture the biggest ship you’ve ever seen. Are you picturing it?
Bram: Yeah.
The Doctor: Good. Now forget it. Because this ship is infinite.
Gregor: It’ll take you hours to find the girl.
The Doctor: Days. Plus this whole ship is toxic. She’d be dead by the time I reach her. So. Here’s the mission. We’re gonna find her in one hour.
Gregor: We?
The Doctor: You’re my guys for this.
Gregor: That wasn’t the deal.
The Doctor: It is now.

Bram: What makes you think we’ll help?
The Doctor: I just activated the TARDIS self-destruct system. One hour ’til this ship blows. {Bram heads for the door} Don’t try to leave. The TARDIS is in lock down. I’ll open those doors when Clara is by my side.
Bram: You crazy lunatic!
The Doctor: My ship, my rules!
Gregor: You’ll kill us all. And the girl.
The Doctor: She’s going to die if you don’t help me. Don’t get into a spaceship with a madman. Didn’t anyone ever teach you that?

The Doctor: Okay, a little gentle persuasion. Say, 30 minutes.
Bram: She’ll die even quicker now!
The Doctor: We all perform better under pressure. Anybody want to go for 15 minutes? {the guys all stop him} It’s your own time you’re wasting. Salvage of a lifetime. You meant the ship. I meant Clara.

The Doctor: Don’t touch a thing. The TARDIS will get huffy if you mess.

The Doctor: I can feel a TARDIS tantrum coming on.

Gregor: What the hell is this place?
The Doctor: Architectural reconfiguration system. It reconstructs particles according to your needs.
Gregor: A machine that makes machines?
The Doctor: Yes. Basically.

Gregor: What the? Where’s the door gone?
The Doctor: Ever seen a spaceship get ugly?
Gregor: This isn’t happening.
The Doctor: She won’t relinquish it. Her basic genetic material.

Gregor: It’s the same. It’s just the same!
The Doctor: It’s diverting us. Spinning a maze around us. We will never reach Clara in time.

The Doctor: Smart bunch, Time Lords. No dress sense. Dreadful hats. But smart.

The Doctor: The console room. It’s the safest place on the ship. It can replicate itself any number of times. It’s trying to protect us.
Tricky: Because I tried to give back the circuit?
The Doctor: Thank TARDIS.

Sensor: Unidentified human.
The Doctor: It doesn’t know Lancashire.
Gregor: What?
The Doctor: It doesn’t know Sass. Yes! It’s Clara. It’s found her. She’s right… There. {he grabs her}

The Doctor: I’m so so sorry. Sorry. Please please forgive me, Clara. {she punches him} Ow! Okay, so we’re not doing hugging. I get that now.
Clara: What do you keep in here? Why have you got zombie creatures? Good guys do not have zombie creatures. Rule one, basic story telling. {she hits him again}
The Doctor: Not in front of the guests.
Clara: Who are they?
The Doctor: Friends. Well, people who aren’t trying to kill us. So I don’t need punching again!

Gregor: All right, all right. Look, a deal’s a deal. You’ve got the girl back, now cancel the auto-destruct.
The Doctor: Ah. Ah! Ha. You know,
I’ve gotta tell you, I won’t be needing you in my quiz team.
Gregor: What?
The Doctor: There is no self-destruct! Heh? Heh! Had you going though, boys, didn’t I? I just wiggled a few buttons.
Yeah. The old wiggly button trick. And the face. You’ve gotta do the face. “Save her, or we all die.” I thought I’d rushed it a bit but…
Tricky: So you’re telling us we’re safe.
The Doctor: -ish. Apart from the monsters and the TARDIS reinventing the architecture every five minutes. Guys. Don’t worry. The countdown’s a fake. Look. Just give a second, I’ll turn it off. I only made it look as though the engine was actually exploding. {Engine Status: Overload} Ah. Okay, that’s not good. Okay, don’t panic. Or maybe panic.
Clara: Something you want to share with the rest of us.
The Doctor: It appears the engine was damaged. We’re in trouble, Clara. Proper trouble. It needs fixing or we’re toast.
Clara: So now would be a good time to use that big friendly button, right?
The Doctor: Yes, sorry. I should have had one built in.

Tricky: Where are we going?
The Doctor: Detour. The center of the TARDIS.

Clara: Doctor, what are they? What aren’t you telling me?
The Doctor: Trust me. Some things you don’t want to know.

The Doctor: There’s a rupture of time somewhere on board this ship. A small tear in the fabric of the continuum. It must have happened when the TARDIS was pulled in by the salvage vessel. The TARDIS is leaking.
Clara: Leaking what?
The Doctor: The past.

The Doctor: She’s right on to us!
Clara: She?
The Doctor: Clara, don’t ask me anymore.

Clara: Run?
The Doctor: I’m liking how you’re thinking.
Clara: Yeah.

Tricky: What’s the matter with you? Why won’t you cut me?
The Doctor to Gregor: Tell him.
Tricky: Yo. Tell What?
The Doctor: You can’t, can you? You’re a coward. You won’t save him but you’re scared to tell him why.
Tricky: What’s he going on about?
The Doctor: Robots don’t need blast suits, they don’t need respirators, they don’t get frightened of monsters in the dark.
Tricky: What’s he talking about?
The Doctor: Two bionic eyes and a synthetic voice box. But you my friend are human. Flesh and blood.
Gregor: It was a joke.
Tricky: What?
Gregor: It was just a stupid joke. We did it to relieve the boredom.
The Doctor: Well it was very funny. They lied to you. Changed you identity just to provide some in-flight entertainment.
Gregor: I’m sorry. You’re human, Tricky.
The Doctor: Cut the metal.

The Doctor: We can only survive for a minute or two in there.
Clara tapping him on the shoulder: Um, what happens if we stay longer?
The Doctor: Our cells will liquefy and our skin will start to burn.
Clara: I always feel so good after we’ve spoken.
The Doctor: Marvelous! Keep this door shut.
Clara: That will not be a problem.

The Doctor: The Eye of Harmony. Exploding star. In the act of becoming a black hole. Time Lord engineering. You rip the star from its orbit, suspend it in a permanent state of decay.

Clara: What’s the use of secrets now?
The Doctor: Secrets protect us! Secrets make us safe.
Clara: We’re not safe!

Clara: That’s me.
The Doctor: I’m so sorry.
Clara: That’s me. I burn in here.
The Doctor: It isn’t just the past leaking out through the time rift. It’s the future. Listen, I brought you here to keep you safe but it happened again. You died again.
Clara: What do you mean again?

The Doctor: Hang on. As long as we interrupt the timeline, this can’t happen. Don’t touch each other, otherwise the future will reassert itself.

The Doctor: The engine room. The heart of the TARDIS.
Clara: We’re outside!
The Doctor: No, we’re still in the TARDIS.
Clara: There’s no way across.
The Doctor: No? Okay, You’re right.

Clara: If you don’t have a plan we’re dead.
The Doctor: Yes. We are. So just tell me.
Clara: Tell you what?
The Doctor: Well, there’s no point now. We’re about to die, just tell me who you are.
Clara: You know who I am.
The Doctor: No I don’t. I look at you every single day and I don’t understand a thing about you. Why do I keep running into you?
Clara: Doctor, you invited me. You said that–
The Doctor: Before that! I met you at the Dalek Asylum. There was a girl in a ship wreck and she died saving my life.
And she was you!
Clara: She really wasn’t.
The Doctor: Victorian London. There was a governess who was really a barmaid and we fought the Great Intelligence together. She died and it was my fault. And she was you!
Clara: You’re scaring me.
The Doctor: What are you, eh? A trick? A trap!
Clara: I don’t know what you’re talking about!
The Doctor: You really don’t, do you?
Clara: I think I’m more scared of you right now than anything else on that TARDIS.
The Doctor: You’re just Clara, aren’t you? Oh!
Clara: Okay, I don’t know what the hell this is about but the hug is really nice.

The Doctor: We’re not going to die here. This isn’t real. It’s a snarl.
Clara: What?
The Doctor: What does a wounded animal do? It tries to scare everyone away. We’re close to the engine. The TARDIS is snarling at us, trying to frighten us off. We need to jump.
Clara: You’re insane!
The Doctor: We’ll cross a portal to the engine.
Clara: How can you be so sure?
The Doctor: Well. I can’t.
Clara: Okay then. Well, that’s water-tight.
The Doctor: Hey! Now, Clara. I have piloted this ship for over 900 years. Trust me this one time please. Okay. Okay. As well as all the other times. Ready? {she nods} Geronimo.

The Doctor: The heart of the TARDIS. This engine, it’s already exploded. It must have been the collision with the salvage ship.
Clara: We’re not dead.
The Doctor: She wrapped her hands around the force. Froze it.
Clara: So… so it’s safe?
The Doctor: Temporary fix. Eventually this whole place will erupt. There’s no way I can save her now. She’s just always been there for me and taken care of me and now it’s my turn and I don’t know what to do. It just… {he sees her hand} Oh Clara. Oh. You are beautiful. Beautiful fragile human skin. Like parchment. Thank you. Ah, the rift in time, all the memory is leaking out. I need to find the moment we crashed. I need to find… Music.

The Doctor: The time rift! Recent past, possible future.
Clara: What are you going to do?
The Doctor: Rewrite today, I hope. I’ve thrown this through the rift before. I need to make sure this time I take it in there myself. There might be a certain amount of yelling.
Clara: Is it going to hurt?
The Doctor: Things that end your life often do that.

Clara: Wait! All those things you said. How we… met before, how I died.
The Doctor: Clara, don’t worry. You’ll forget. Time mends us, it can mend anything.
Clara: I don’t want to forget. Not all of it. The library. I saw it. You were mentioned in a book.
The Doctor: I’m mentioned in a lot of books.
Clara: You call yourself Doctor. Why do you do that? You have a name, I’ve seen it. In one corner of that tiny–
The Doctor: If I rewrite today you won’t remember. You won’t go looking for my name.
Clara: We’ll still have secrets?
The Doctor: Yeah. It’s better that way.

The Doctor: Doctor! Doctor! I’m from your future. We haven’t got long. There’s a reset time! {he throws the device}

The Doctor: Big friendly button! Ha! {he resets time}

Clara: I feel exhausted. I feel…
The Doctor: We’ve had two days crammed into the space of one.
Clara: Why would you say that?
The Doctor: I don’t know. I say stuff. Ignore me. Do you feel safe?
Clara: Of course.
The Doctor: Give me a number out of ten. Ten being “woo hoo”. One being… “augh!”
Clara: You’re being weird.
The Doctor: I need to know if you feel safe. I need to know you’re not afraid.
Clara: Of?
The Doctor: The future. Running away with a space man in a box. Anything can happen to you.
Clara: That’s what I’m counting on.

View all quotes from Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

The Crimson Horror

Yorkshire 1893

The Doctor: Ah! Missed me?!
Jenny: Doctor!
The Doctor: Jenny. Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny. Just when you think your favorite clock ticking Victorian chambermaid
will never turn up, Jenny! {he kisses her and she smacks him} You have no idea how good that feels.

The Doctor: Right. Mrs. Gillyflower, we’ve got to stop her. And then there’s Clara. Poor Clara. Where’s Clara?
Jenny: Clara? Doctor, wait!
The Doctor: Can’t. Clara. Gotta find.
Jenny: What happened to you? How long have you been like that?
The Doctor: Days, weeks? Don’t know. Long story. I’ll keep it short.

The Doctor: Okay! So. Not London 1893. Yorkshire 1893. Near enough.
Clara: You’re making a habit of this, getting us lost.
The Doctor: Sorry. It’s much better than it used to be. Oo… I once spent a hell of a long time trying to get a gobby Australian to Heathrow airport.
Clara: What for?
The Doctor: Search me. Anyway– {a scream in the distance} Braveheart Clara.

Edmund: Same as the rest. All dead from causes unknown. And their flesh… glowing.
Artie: Like something manky in a coal cellar. They keep turning up in canal. The Crimson Horror.
The Doctor: Ooo! Good name. Hey that’s good, isn’t it? “The Crimson Horror.” I wonder what it is.

The Doctor: Do you know the old Romany superstition, Clara? That the eye of a dead person retains an image of the last thing it sees. Nonsense, of course. Unless the chemical composition of the body has been massively corrupted.

The Doctor: Wow, this is nasty! An organic poison. A sort of venom. And you think it’s connected to Sweetville?
Edmund: I do.
The Doctor: Well then. We need a plan.

Mrs. Gillyflower: Doctor and Mrs. Smith. Oh ho ho yes. You’ll do very nicely.
The Doctor: Oh grand! Smashin’. Aye, the missus and I couldn’t be more chuffed, could we luv?

Jenny: But Doctor. Clara’s dead, isn’t she?
The Doctor: It’s complicated.

Jenny: Are we talking about the same person? About that Clara? {The Doctor runs into a building without answering} Doctor!
The Doctor: I couldn’t see much from where I was but I think she survived the process. She must be here somewhere.
Jenny: But Clara died! The Ice Lady? Doctor!
The Doctor: It’s… well… ah. It’s complicated.

The Doctor: Oh great. Great. Attack of the super models. Time for a plan.
Jenny: No, Doctor. This one’s on me. {she kicks some ass}
The Doctor: That is a plan. {more advance}. Okay. Time for a new plan. Run!

The Doctor: I know who you think she is but she isn’t. She can’t be.
Madame Vastra: I was right then. You and Clara have unfinished business.

Clara: What’s going on?
The Doctor: Oh. Haven’t you heard, luv? There’s trouble at mill. She’s a lizard.

Madame Vastra: My people once ruled this world–as well you know. But we did not rule it alone. Just as humanity fights a daily battle against nature, so did we. And our greatest plague–the most virulent enemy–was the repulsive red leech.
The Doctor: Ooooo! The Repulsive Red Leech. Now on balance I think I prefer The Crimson Horror.
What was it exactly?
Madame Vastra: A tiny parasite. It infected our drinking water and once in our systems it secreted a fatal poison.
The Doctor: So it’s been hanging around, lurking in the shadows.
Maybe it’s evolved. Maybe it’s had help.

Clara: Doctor, I’ve been thinking. The chimney–
The Doctor: Yeah yeah yeah, way past that now. Yucky red parasite from the time of the dinosaurs
pitches up in Victorian Yorkshire. Didn’t see that one coming.
Clara: Yeah, but the chimney–
The Doctor: Yeah, but what’s the connection to Mrs. Gillyflower. “Judgment will rain down on us all.” {thinking} Empty mill…
Clara: A chimney that doesn’t blow smoke.
The Doctor: Clever clogs.
Clara: Miss me?
The Doctor: Yeah. Loads.

The Doctor: All right, gang. I’ve got a plan.

Ada: You! It’s you! My monster! You’ve come back. But you’re…
The Doctor: Warm. And alive. Thanks to you, Ada. You saved me from your mother’s human rubbish tip. {she cries} Now, hey. What’s wrong?
Ada: She does not want me, Monster. I am not to be chosen. Perhaps it was my own sin. The blackness in my heart that my father saw in me.
The Doctor: Ada, no! That’s nonsense. Stupid, backwards nonsense. And you know it. You know it.

The Doctor: Now Ada, I need you to tell me something. Who is Mr. Sweet? Ada?
Ada: Oh dear monster.
The Doctor: Please.
Ada: I cannot. Even now I cannot, I cannot betray Mama.
The Doctor: Well. Come with us then. There’s something you need to know.

Mrs. Gillyflower: You do seem to keep turning up like a bad penny, young man.
The Doctor: Force of habit.
Mrs. Gillyflower: Can I offer you something? Tea? Seed cake? Oh! A glass of Amontillado.
The Doctor: No thanks, we’ve had a skinful already as you might say.
Mrs. Gillyflower: Very funny.
The Doctor: Hm, yes. I’m the Doctor, you’re nuts, and I’m going to stop you.
Mrs. Gillyflower: I’m afraid Mr. Sweet and I cannot allow that.
The Doctor: Ah yes. Would it be impolite to ask why you and Mr. Sweet are petrifying your workforce with diluted prehistoric leech venom?
Clara: So when do we get to meet him, this silent partner
of yours? Why is he so shy?
Mrs. Gillyflower: Mr. Sweet is always with us.
The Doctor: You do seem to have a very close relationship, you and your pal.
Mrs. Gillyflower: Oh yes, Doctor. Exceedingly close. Symbiotic you might say.

The Doctor: Mrs. Gillyflower, you have no idea what you are dealing with. In the wrong hands that venom could wipe out all life on this planet.
Mrs. Gillyflower: Do you know what these are? The wrong hands!

The Doctor: Planning a little fireworks party, are we?
Mrs. Gillyflower: You have forced me to advance the great work somewhat, Doctor. But my colossal scheme remains what it was. My rocket will explode high in the atmosphere, raining down Mr. Sweet’s beneficence onto all humanity.
Clara: And wiping us all out. You can’t!
Mrs. Gillyflower: My new Adam and Eves will sleep for a few months before stepping out into a golden dawn! Is it not beautiful, Doctor?

The Doctor: Now. Tell us about Ada, Mrs. Gillyflower.
Mrs. Gillyflower: What?
The Doctor: Your daughter. You do remember your daughter. Tell us about your daughter.
Mrs. Gillyflower: How can you speak of such trivia when my hour is at hand? The child is of no consequence.
The Doctor: Is that why you experimented on her?
Clara: Experimented?
The Doctor: The signs are all there, the pattern of scarring. You used her as a guinea pig, didn’t you?
Clara: God!
Mrs. Gillyflower: Sometimes sacrifices must be made.
The Doctor: Sacrifices?!
Mrs. Gillyflower: It’s of necessary! I had to find out how much of the venom would produce an anti-toxin.
To immunize myself, don’t you see! It was necessary!

The Doctor: Hang on! Hang on! I’ve got a sonic screwdriver.
Clara: Yeah? I’ve got a chair.

The Doctor: No no, Clara. If we follow straight after her, she’ll shoot Clara on the spot.
Clara: She wouldn’t.
The Doctor: She would.

The Doctor: Chairs are useful.

Mrs. Gillyflower: Now Mr. Sweet. Now the whole world will taste your lethal kiss.
The Doctor: I don’t think so, Mrs. Gillyflower.
Mrs. Gillyflower: Very well then. If I can’t take the world with me, you will have to do. Die, you freaks! Die!
Strax: Put down your weapon, human female!

Clara: Ugh. What’s it doing?
The Doctor: It might know she’s dying. She’s no longer of any use to it.

Jenny: What will you do with that thing?
The Doctor: Take it back to the Jurassic era maybe. Out of harm’s way. {Ada finds the parasite and clubs it to bits} On the other hand…

The Doctor: Right. Right. London. We were heading for London, weren’t we.
Clara: Was there any particular reason?
The Doctor: No! No, just thought you might… like it.
Clara: Yeah. Maybe had enough of Victorian values for a bit.
The Doctor: You’re the boss.
Clara: Am I?
The Doctor: No. No! Get in.

The Doctor: Now, Ada, I’d love to stay and help clear up the mess, but–
Ada: I know, dear monster, you have things to do.
The Doctor: And what about you?
Ada: Oh, there are many things a bright young lady can do to occupy her time. It’s time I stepped out of the darkness and into the light.
The Doctor: Good luck, Ada. You know I think you will be just…{he kisses her cheek} splendid!

The Doctor: Well! Thanks a million, you three. As ever. Have some Pontefract cakes on me. I love Pontefract cakes. See you around, eh? I shouldn’t wonder.
Jenny: But Doctor. That girl, Clara. You haven’t explained.
The Doctor: No, I haven’t.

View all quotes from The Crimson Horror

Nightmare in Silver

The Doctor: Well here we are! Hedgewick’s World! The biggest and best amusement park there will ever be. And we’ve got a golden ticket. Eh? Eh! Fun!
Clara: Fun.
Angie (Eve de Leon Allen): The stupid box can’t even get us to the right place? This is like a moon base or something?

The Doctor: Well it’s not the moon.
Artie (Kassius Carey Johnson): Actually I think it does look like the moon. Only dirtier.
The Doctor: Hey. Guys. It’s not the moon, okay? It’s a Spacey Zoomer ride. Or it was.

Captain: Throw down your weapons and identify yourselves!
The Doctor: No! No weapons! Golden ticket. Spacey Zoomer! Free ice cream.
Captain: Who are you? This planet is closed by imperial order.
The Doctor: How’s this?{he shows her the psychic paper}
Captain: Hm. Welcome Proconsul
. Wish they’d told us you were coming. Any news of the Emperor?
The Doctor: Oh the Emperor! No, no, none that you’d… uh…
Captain: We pray for his return. If there’s anything you need my platoon is at your service.
The Doctor: Right. Righty-o! Well. Carry on, Captain.

Webley: They can’t stop me being here but they don’t like it.
The Doctor: You see! I told you it was amazing. Well it used to be.
Webley: It closed down. Wish I’d known that before I landed here. But let me show you my collection.

Webley: Anybody here play chess? {The Doctor perks up} Perhaps you, young man.
Artie: Actually I’m in my school chess club.
Webley: Well, follow me.

Webley: Let me demonstrate to you all, the wonder of the age, the miracle of modernity. We defeated them all a thousand years ago, but now he’s back… to destroy you. Behold, the enemy! {he unveils…}
The Doctor: Cyberman! Get down!

Webley: If you can tell me how it works I’ll give you a silver penny.
Angie: I think you do it with… mirrors?
The Doctor: Hmm. Mirrors. Clever girl. Well let’s see, eh. Low tech. It’s a puppet, mono filament strings which means the brains are in…
Porridge (Warwick Davis): Hello.
The Doctor: Hello.
Porridge: I’m the brains.
The Doctor: Hello.
Porridge: Give us a hand.

Artie: Clara, I think outer space is actually very interesting.
Clara: Right. Wonderful day out, Doctor, but time to get the kids home.
The Doctor: Yeah, um… no.
Not actually ready to leave.
Clara: Why not?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Reasons.
Clara: What reasons?
The Doctor: Insects. Funny insects. I should add them to my funny insect collection.
Clara: You collect funny insects?
The Doctor: Yeah, I’m starting to.
Right now.

The Doctor: Don’t wander off! Now I’m not just saying, “Don’t wander off.” I mean it. Otherwise you’ll wander off. And the next thing you know, somebody’s going to have to start rescuing somebody.
Angie: From what?
The Doctor: Nothing. Nobody’s rescuing from anything. Don’t wander off. Sweet dreams.

The Doctor: Clara. Did you tell Angie she could go to the barracks?
Clara: You know I didn’t. She hasn’t.
The Doctor: She’s just got in there.

Clara: That was a Cyberman! But they’re extinct.
The Doctor: Listen to me, I will get her back. Captain, a word please!

The Doctor: Now. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I take it your platoon doesn’t do much fighting.
Captain: What do you expect?
Clara: What?
Captain: We’re a punishment platoon. That’s why they sent us out here, so we can’t get into trouble.

The Doctor: Right. Right. Well okay. As Imperial Consul I am putting Clara in charge. Clara, stay alive until I get back. And don’t let anyone blow up this planet.
Clara: Is that something they’re likely to do?
The Doctor: Get to somewhere defensible.
Clara: Where are you going?
The Doctor: I’m getting Angie, finding Artie, and looking for funny insects. Stay alive. And you lot, no blowing up this planet!

The Doctor: Firstly. If anybody’s watching this, those children are under my protection, I’m coming to get them. Secondly, little metal machine, you are beautiful!

The Doctor: Not even a Cybermat anymore, eh? Cybermites.

The Doctor: Webley?
Webley: We needed children. But the children had stopped coming. You brought us children. Hail to you, the Doctor! Savior of the Cybermen!

Cyber Webley: As the battle raged between humanity and the Cyberiad, the Cyber Planet has built a Valkyrie to save critically damaged units and bring them here and one by one, repair them.
The Doctor: The people who vanished from the amusement park, they were spare parts for repairs?
Cyber Webley: We’ve upgraded ourselves. The next model will be undefeatable.
Nothing’s undefeatable.

Cyber Webley: We needed children to build a new Cyber Planner. A child’s brain with its infinite potential is perfect for our needs. But we no longer need the children. The Cybermites have been scanning your brain, Doctor. It’s quite remarkable.
The Doctor: Also completely useless to you. Cybermen use human parts. I’m not human. You can’t convert non-humans.
Cyber Webley: Well that was true a long time ago, but we’ve upgraded ourselves. The Doctor: Current cyber units use almost any living components.

The Doctor: Stop rummaging in my mind!
Cyber Doctor: Just you try and stop me. Oooo… Who’s Clara? Why are you thinking about her so much?
The Doctor: Enough!
Cyber Doctor: Fascinating. A complete mental block. Highly effective.

Cyber Doctor: Stalemate then. One of us needs to control this head. We’re too well-balanced.
The Doctor: What did you say? No no no. I heard you. Rhetorical device to keep me thinking about it a bit more. Stalemate? We each control 49.881% of this brain. .238 of the brain is still in the balance. Whoever gets this gets the whole thing.

Cyber Doctor: You understand, when I do win. the Cyberiad gets your brains and memories–all of it!
The Doctor: Yeah. When I win, you get out of my head, you let the children go,
and nobody dies. You got that? Nobody dies!

Brains: Uh Ma’am, Missy said she saw something and then she went quiet.
Clara: It’s on its way then.

Cyber Doctor: Doctor, why is there no record of you anywhere in the databanks of the Cyberiad? Ah…
you’re good. Oh, you’ve been eliminating yourself from history.
You know you could be reconstructed by the hole you left.
The Doctor: Good point. I’ll do something about that.

The Doctor: Did you know very early versions of the Cyber operating system could be seriously scrambled by exposure to things like gold or cleaning fluid. And what’s interesting is, you’re still running some of that code.
Cyber Doctor: Really? That’s your secret weapon? Cleaning fluid?
The Doctor: Nope! Gold! {he slaps the golden ticket on the implant} Oh ho ho! like a charm! Right. You, Cyber Webley. And you, kid… things. I’ll bring the chess board, let’s get out of here.

The Doctor: Hey, Clara! You haven’t let them blow up the planet. Good job.
Clara: Did you get the kids? Are they all right? What’s going on?
The Doctor: Ah, a bit of a good news, bad news, good news again thing going on, so…
good news! I kidnapped the Cyber Planner and right now I’m sort of in control of this Cyberman.
Clara: Bad news?
The Doctor: Bad news, the Cyber Planner’s in my head and different bad news: the kids are, well…. it’s complicated.
Clara: Complicated as in how?
The Doctor: Complicated as in walking coma. {he hides behind the chessboard}

Clara: Other good news?
The Doctor: Well in other good news, there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way, and the Cyber Planner’s installing a patch for the gold thing. No, wait. That isn’t good news, is it? So. Good news. I have a very good chance of winning my chess match!
Clara: What?
The Doctor: I’ll explain later. In a bit of a hurry.

The Doctor: Get me to a table! And somebody tie me up! Need hands free for chess. And immobilize me. Quickly.

Clara: You’re playing chess by yourself?
The Doctor: And winning. {he rips off the gold}
Cyber Doctor: Actually, he has no better than a 25% chance of winning at this stage in the game. Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, Flesh Girl. Fantastic. I’m the Cyber Planner.

The Doctor: Bit of pain, neural surge. Just what I needed. Thank you!
Clara: Why am I the impossible girl?
The Doctor: It’s just a thing in my head. I’ll explain later.
Clara: Chess game. Stakes.
The Doctor: If he wins, I give up my mind and he gets access to all my memories along with knowledge of time travel. But! If I win. he’ll break his promises to get out of my head and then kill us all anyway.
Clara: That’s not reassuring!
The Doctor: No.

The Doctor: Your move! But before you take it, just so you know, sacrificing my queen was the best possible move I could’ve made. The Time Lords invented chess. It’s our game. And if you don’t avoid my trap, it gives me mate in three moves.
Cyber Doctor: How? How!
The Doctor: Come on. You call yourself a “chess-playing robot”.
Cyber Doctor: How!?
The Doctor: Hey, you figure it out. Or don’t you have the processing power? Hm?

The Doctor: What are you doing?
Cyber Doctor: Doctor. Doctor. Doctor Doctor
Doctor Doctor Doctor Doctor Doctor Doctor. I’m pulling in extra power. Three million cyber brains working on one tiny chess problem. How long do you think it’s going to take us to solve it?
The Doctor: That’s cheating!
Cyber Doctor: No no no no no. Just pulling in the local resources.

Cyber Doctor: That’s cheating!
The Doctor: Just taking advantage of the local resources.

The Doctor: Come here and untie me please!
Clara: Do you think I’m pretty?
The Doctor: No, you’re too short and bossy and your nose is all funny.
Clara: Good enough. What happened to the Cyber Planner?
The Doctor: Out of my head and redistributed across three million Cybermen right now and about to wake them all up, kill us and start constructing a spaceship.
Brains: We need to destroy this planet before they can get off it!
The Doctor: Okay. It has a fallback voice activation.
Ha-ha (Calvin Dean): The Captain. But she’s dead.
Angie:
I think you should ask Porridge.
Clara: Why?
Angie: Well he is the Emperor.
I bet he knows the activation codes. Oh come on, it’s obvious. He looks exactly like he does on the coin and on the waxwork. Except they made him a bit taller. But look, am I the only one paying attention to anything around here?
Clara: You are full of surprises. Porridge!
Porridge: She’s right.
Clara: So you can save us?
Porridge: We all die in the end. Does it matter how?

Porridge: I don’t want to be Emperor. If I activate that bomb, it’s all over.
The Doctor: And if you don’t, three million Cybermen will spread across the galaxy. Isn’t that worth dying for?
Porridge: Doctor–
The Doctor: Three million Cybermen.
Porridge: The bomb, the throne, it’s all connected. I just have to say, “This is Emperor Ludins Nimrod Kendrick Cord Longstaff the 41st, defender
of humanity, Imperator of known space. Activate the desolator.” And it’s done.

The Doctor: Here we are. Nice ship. Bit big, not blue enough.

Artie: Thank you for having me. It was very interesting.
The Doctor: My pleasure. Thank you for coming. Now, I’ve got something for you.
It’s not from me, it’s from the TARDIS. Ah! New phone.
Angie: Thanks!
The Doctor: You’re welcome.
Angie: Sorry I said this box was stupid.

Clara: See you next Wednesday!
The Doctor: Well, a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday. One of the Wednesdays.

The Doctor: Impossible girl. A mystery wrapped in an enigma squeezed into a skirt that’s just a little bit too tight.

View all quotes from Nightmare in Silver

The Name of the Doctor

The Doctor: Look, I’m pretty sure you have to tell me if I’m getting warm. I’m pretty sure that’s in the rules.

Clara: Doctor.
The Doctor: Ha! Clara! How are you? Don’t worry. Everything is under control.
Clara: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Oh! Um, Mr. Maitland went next door so I said I’d look after the kids. They wanted to go to the cinema, but I said no, I said, no, not until you wake up. I was very firm.
Clara: At which point they suggested Blind Man’s Bluff.
The Doctor: Yes. Where are they?
Clara: At the cinema.
The Doctor: The little Daleks!

Clara: So who was she? The lady with the funny name and the space hair.
The Doctor: An old friend of mine.
Clara: What, like an ex?
The Doctor: Yes, an ex. River asked Vastra for the exact words. What were they?
Clara: “The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discovered.” Doctor.
The Doctor: Sorry. And it was Trenzalore? It was definitely Trenzalore?
Clara: Yeah.
The Doctor: Oh damn.

Clara: Well?
The Doctor: Trenzalore. I’ve heard the name of course. Dorium mentioned it. A few others. Always suspected what it was, never wanted to find out myself. River would know though. River always knew.

The Doctor: I’m linking you in to the TARDIS telepathic circuit. Won’t hurt a bit.
Clara: Ow!
The Doctor: I lied.

Clara: Okay, what is Trenzalore? Is that your big secret?
The Doctor: No.
Clara: Okay, what then?
The Doctor: When you are a time traveller there is one place you must never go. One place in all of space and time you must never, ever find yourself.
Clara: Where?
The Doctor: You didn’t listen, did you? You lot never do! That’s the problem. “The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discovered.” He wasn’t talking about my secret. No no no, that’s not what’s been found. He was talking about my grave. Trenzalore is where I’m buried.

Clara: How can you have a grave?
The Doctor: Because we all do, somewhere out there in the future, waiting for us. The trouble with time travel, you can actually end up visiting.
Clara: But you’re not going to. You just said it was one place you must never go.
The Doctor: I have to save Vastra and Strax. Jenny too if it’s still possible. They cared for me during the dark times. Never questioned me, never judged me. They were just… kind. I owe them. I have a duty.

The Doctor: No point in telling you this is too dangerous?
Clara: None at all. How can we save them?
The Doctor: Apparently by breaking into my own tomb.

Clara: What’s that?
The Doctor: She’s just figured out where we’re going, she’s against it! I’m about to cross my own time line in the biggest way possible. The TARDIS doesn’t like it.

Clara: Now what?
The Doctor: She doesn’t want to land. She’s shut down!
Clara: So we’re not there?
The Doctor: We must be close.

The Doctor: Okay, so that’s where I end up. Always thought maybe I’d retire. Take up watercolors or beekeeping or something. Apparently not.

Clara: So. how do we get down there? Jump?
The Doctor: Don’t be silly. We fall.

Clara: You okay? Visiting your own grave, anyone would be scared.
The Doctor: It’s more than that. I’m a time traveller. I’ve probably time travelled more than anyone else.
Clara: Meaning?
The Doctor: Meaning… my grave is potentially the most dangerous place in the Universe. Shall we?

Clara: Gravestones are a bit basic.
The Doctor: It’s a battlefield graveyard. My final battle.
Clara: Why are some of them bigger?
The Doctor: They’re soldiers. Bigger the gravestone, higher the rank.

Clara: It’s a hell of a monument.
The Doctor: It’s the TARDIS.
Clara: I can see that.
The Doctor: No. When a TARDIS is dying, sometimes the dimension dams start breaking down. They used to call it a size leak. All the bigger-on-the-inside starts leaking to the outside. It grows. When I say that’s the TARDIS I don’t mean it looks like the TARDIS, I mean it actually is the TARDIS. My TARDIS from the future. What else would they bury me in? {he walks towards it}

River: Clara. Don’t speak. Don’t say my name. He can’t see or hear me, only you can. We’re mentally linked. It’s the conference call. I kept the line open.
The Doctor: Who are you talking to? We need to get– {he looks at a gravestone} River.
Clara: That can’t be right.
The Doctor: No, it can’t.
Clara: She’s not dead.
The Doctor: Oh she’s dead, I’m afraid. She’s been dead for a very long time.
River: Yeah, probably should have mentioned that. Never the right time.
Clara: But I met her!
The Doctor: Long story. But her grave can’t be here.

River: If it isn’t my gravestone then what is it?
Clara: What do you think that gravestone really is?
The Doctor: The gravestone?
River: Maybe it’s a false grave.
Clara: Maybe it’s a false grave.
The Doctor: Yep, maybe.
River: Maybe it’s a secret entrance to the tomb.
Clara: Maybe it’s a secret entrance to the tomb!
The Doctor: Yes, of course! Makes sense. They’d never bury my wife out here.
Clara: Your what?

Clara: Where are we?
The Doctor: Catacombs.
Clara: I hate catacombs. So how come I met your dead wife?
The Doctor: Oh well, you know how it is when you lose someone close to you. I sort of made a backup.
River: I died saving him. In return he saved me to a database in the biggest library in the universe. Left me like a book on a shelf. Didn’t even say goodbye. He doesn’t like endings.

The Doctor: Still a bit of a climb. I think I remember the way. Clara? Clara! Hey, it’s okay. You’re fine. The dimensioning forces this deep in the TARDIS, they can make you a bit giddy.
Clara: I know, I know. {she stops} How do I know? How do I know that?
The Doctor: Clara, it’s okay, You’re fine.
Clara: Have we, have we done this before? We have. We have done this before, climbing through a wrecked TARDIS. You said things, things I’m not supposed to remember.
The Doctor: We can’t do this now. The TARDIS is in ruin.
The telepathic circuits are awakening memories you shouldn’t even have.

The Doctor: Clara! Clara, what’s wrong?
Clara: What do you mean you keep meeting me? You said I died, how could I die?
The Doctor: That is not a conversation you should even remember.
Clara: What do you mean I died!
The Whisper Men: The girl who died he tried to save. She’ll die again inside his grave.
The Doctor: Run. Run!

Dr. Simeon: The doors require a key. The key is a word. Word is the Doctor’s.
The Doctor: Here I am, late to my own funeral. Glad you could make it. Jenny.
Dr. Simeon: Open the door, Doctor. Speak. And open your tomb.
The Doctor: No.
Dr. Simeon: Because you know what’s in there?
The Doctor: I will not open those doors.
Dr. Simeon: The key is a word lost to time. A secret hidden in the deepest shadow, and known to you alone. The answer to a question.
The Doctor: I will not open my tomb.
Dr. Simeon: Doctor. What is your name?

The Doctor: Stop this. Leave them alone.
Dr. Simeon: Your name, Doctor. Answer me!
Clara: Doctor?

Dr. Simeon: Doctor who?
The Doctor: Please. Stop it.
Dr. Simeon: Doctor who?!

The Doctor: Leave him alone, let him be.
Strax: Don’t worry, sir. I think I’ve got him rattled!

Dr. Simeon: Doctor who!
The Doctor: Please!
{the TARDIS doors open}
River: The TARDIS can still hear me. Lucky thing. Since him indoors is being so useless.
Strax: Why did you open the door, sir? I had them on the run!
The Doctor: I didn’t do it. I didn’t say my name.
River: No. But I did.

The Doctor: Is everyone all right? Is every one okay? Clara! Clara! Clara, you okay?
Clara: That was not nice.
The Doctor: No no. I know. I’m sorry.

The Doctor: Now then. Dr. Simeon. Or Mr. G Intelligence, whatever I call you. Do you know what’s in there?
Dr. Simeon: For me, peace at last. For you, pain everlasting. Won’t you invite us in?

Clara: What’s that?
The Doctor: What were you expecting, a body? Body’s are boring. I’ve had loads of them. That’s not what my tomb is for.
Vastra: But what is the light?
Jenny: It’s beautiful.
Strax: Should I destroy it?
Vastra: Shut up, Strax.
Clara: Doctor, explain. What is that?
The Doctor: The tracks of my tears.
Dr. Simeon: Less poetry, Doctor. Just tell them.
The Doctor: Time travel is damage. It’s like a tear in the fabric of reality. That is the scar tissue of my journey through the universe. My path through time and space. From Gallifrey to Trenzalore.

First: Have you ever thought what it’s like to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?
Fourth: Do I have the right?
Second: There are some corners of the universe which have bred the most terrible things…
Nine: Absolutely fantastic.
Ten: I’m from Planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous.
Eleven: Hello Stonehenge!
Doctor: Days in, days out.
The Doctor: My own personal time tunnel. All the days, even the ones that I, uh, even the ones that I haven’t lived yet. {he collapses}
Clara: Doctor! Doctor!
The Doctor: No. No. Which is why I shouldn’t be here. The paradox is, is very bad. No. No, what are you doing? Somebody stop him!
Dr. Simeon: The Doctor’s life is an open wound. And an open wound can be entered.
The Doctor: No. It will destroy you.
Dr. Simeon: Not at all. It will kill me. It will destroy you. I can rewrite your every living moment. I can turn every one of your victories into defeats. Poison every friendship. Deliver pain to your every breath.
The Doctor: It will burn you up. Once you go through you can’t come back. You will be scattered along my time line like confetti.
Dr. Simeon: It matters not, Doctor. You thwarted me at every turn. Now, you will give me peace as I take my revenge on every second of your life. Goodbye. Goodbye, Doctor.

Clara: The Dalek Asylum. You said it was me that saved you. How? Victorian London, how? How could I have been in Victorian London?
The Doctor: No. No. Please. Stop. My life, my whole life is burning.

Clara: I have to go in there.
The Doctor: Please. Please. No.
Clara: But this is what I’ve already done. You’ve already seen me do it. I’m the impossible girl. And this is why.
River: Whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t.
Clara: If I step in there, what happens?
River: The time winds will tear you into a million pieces. A million versions of you, living and dying all over time and space. Like echoes.
Clara: But the echoes could save the Doctor, right?
River: But they won’t be you. The real you will die. They’ll just be copies.
Clara: But they’ll be real enough to save him. It’s like my mum said, “The soufflé isn’t the soufflé. The soufflé is the recipe.” It’s the only way to save him, isn’t it?
Vastra: The stars are going out! And Jenny and Strax are dead. There must be something we can do.
Clara: Well how about that? I’m soufflé girl after all.
The Doctor: No. Please.
Clara: If this works get out of here as fast as you can. And spare me a thought now and then.
The Doctor: No. Clara!
Clara: In fact, you know what? Run. Run, you clever boy. And remember me.

Clara: I don’t know where I am.
The Doctor: Clara!
Clara: I just know I’m running. Sometimes it’s like I’ve lived a thousand lives in a thousand places. I’m born, I live, I die. And always, there’s the Doctor. Always I’m running to save the Doctor. Again and again and again. And he hardly ever hears me. But I’ve always been there. Right from the very beginning. Right from the day he started running.

Strax: It was an unprovoked and violent attack, but that’s no excuse.
Vastra: We are all restored. That’s all that matters now.
The Doctor: We are not all restored.
River: You can’t go in there. It’s your own time stream, for God’s sake.
The Doctor: I have to get her back.
River: Of course, but not like this.
Jenny: But how?
Vastra: Is she still alive? It killed Dr. Simeon.
The Doctor: Clara’s got one advantage over The Great Intelligence.
Vastra: Which is?
The Doctor: Me.

River: Doctor, please listen to me. At least hear me.
The Doctor: Now, if I don’t come back–and I might not–
River: Doctor!
The Doctor: –go to the TARDIS. The fast return protocol should be on. She’ll take you home then shut herself down.
River: There has to be another way. Use the TARDIS, use something. Save her, yes. But for God’s sake, be sensible! {she goes to slap him and he stops her} How are you even doing that? I’m not really here.
The Doctor: You’re always here to me. And I always listen. And I can always see you.
River: Then why didn’t you speak to me?
The Doctor: Because I thought it would hurt too much.
River: I believe I could have coped.
The Doctor: No. I thought it would hurt me. And I was right. {he kisses her} Since nobody else in this room can see you, God knows how that looked. There is a time to live and a time to sleep. You are an echo, River. Like Clara, like all of this. In the end, my fault, I know. But you should have faded by now.
River: It’s hard to leave when you haven’t said goodbye.
The Doctor: Then tell me, because I don’t know. How do I say it?
River: There’s only one way I would accept.
If you ever loved me, say it like you’re going to come back.
The Doctor: Well then. See you around, Professor River Song.
River: ‘Til the next time, Doctor.
The Doctor: Don’t wait up.
River: Oh there’s one more thing.
The Doctor: isn’t there always.
River: I was mentally linked with Clara. If she’s really dead then how can I still be here.
The Doctor: Okay, How?
River: Spoilers. Goodbye. Sweetie.

Clara: Doctor? Doctor! Please! Please! I don’t know where I am.
The Doctor: Clara. You can hear me. I know you can.
Clara: I can’t see you.
The Doctor: I’m everywhere. You’re inside my time stream. Everything around you is me.
Clara: I can see you. All your different faces are here.
The Doctor: Those are my ghosts, my past. Every good day, every bad day.

Clara: What’s wrong? What’s happening?
The Doctor: I’m inside my own time stream. it’s collapsing in on itself.
Clara: Well get out then!
The Doctor: Not until I’ve got you.
Clara: I don’t even know who I am.
The Doctor: You’re my impossible girl. I’m sending you something. Not from my past, from
yours. {the leaf floats down} This is you, Clara. Everything you are or will be. Take it. You blew into the world on this leaf. Hold tight. It will take you home.

The Doctor: Clara, Clara, come up.
Come up to me now. You can do it, I know you can.
Clara: How?
The Doctor: Because it’s impossible and you’re my impossible girl. How many times have you saved me, Clara? Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you. You have to trust me, Clara, I’m real. Just one more step. Clara! My Clara! Oh! {he sees a figure in the distance}
Clara: Who’s that?
The Doctor: Never mind. Let’s get back.
Clara: Who is he?
The Doctor: He’s me. There’s only me here, that’s the point. Now let’s get back.
Clara: But I never saw that one. I saw all of you. Eleven faces. All of them you.
The Doctor: I said he was me. I never said he was the Doctor.
Clara: But I don’t understand.
The Doctor: My name, my real name, that is not the point. The name I chose is the Doctor. The name you choose, it’s like, it’s like a promise you make. He’s the one who broke the promise. {Clara collapses} Clara? Clara! He is my secret.
The Old Man: What I did, I did without choice.
The Doctor: I know.
The Old Man: In the name of peace and sanity.
The Doctor: But not in the name of the Doctor.

Introducing John Hurt
as The Doctor

View all quotes from The Name of the Doctor