The Doctor: I think you’ll find the Prime Minister is an alien in disguise. pause. That’s never gonna work, is it?
Policeman: No.
The Doctor: Fair enough.
PM: Under the jurisdiction of the emergency protocols I order that you execute this man!
The Doctor: Ah well. Yes. You see, thing is, if were you—if I was going to execute someone by backing them against a wall, between you and me, word of advice: don’t stand them against the lift!
The Slitheen: Such fun! Little human children, where are you? Sweet little humans, come to me. Let me kiss you better! Kiss you with my big green lips.
Slitheen (Margaret): My brother!
Slitheen: Happy hunting?
Slitheen (Margaret): It’s wonderful. The more you prolong it, the more they stink.
Slitheen: Sweat. And fear. I can smell an old girl. Stale bird. And brittle bones.
Slitheen (Margaret): And a ripe youngster. All hormones and adrenaline. Fresh enough to bend before she snaps.
Harriet Jones (Penelope Wilton): No! Take me first! Take me first!
The Doctor: Who the hell are you?
Harriet Jones: Harriet Jones. MP for Flydale North.
The Doctor: Nice to meet you.
Harriet Jones: Likewise.
The Doctor: Right then. Question time. Who exactly are the Slitheen?
Harriet Jones: They’re aliens.
The Doctor: Yes, I got that. Thanks.
The Slitheen: Who are you, if not human?
Harriet Jones: Who’s not human?
Rose: He’s not human.
Harriet Jones: He’s not human?
The Doctor: Can I have a bit of a hush?
Harriet Jones: Sorry.
The Doctor to the Slitheen: So, what’s the plan?
Harriet Jones: But he’s got a Northern accent.
Rose: Lots of planets have a North.
The Doctor: I said “hush”.
Slitheen: Ahhhhh… excuse me. Your device will do what? Triplicate the flammability?
The Doctor: Is that what I said?
Slitheen: You’re making it up.
The Doctor: Oh well. Nice try. handing her the decanter: Harriet, have a drink. I think you’re going to need it.
Harriet Jones correcting him: You pass it to the left first.
The Doctor: Sorry.
The Doctor: Fascinating history, Downing Street. Two thousand years ago, this was marshland. 1730 it was occupied by a Mr. Chicken. He was a nice man. 1796, this was the cabinet room. If the cabinet’s in session and in danger these are about the four most safest walls in the whole of Great Britain. End of lesson.
Harriet Jones: The protocols are redundant. They list the people who could help and they’re all dead downstairs.
Rose: Hasn’t it got, like, defense codes and things? Can’t we just launch a nuclear bomb at them?
Harriet Jones: You’re a very violent young woman.
Jackie: I’ve seen this life of yours, Doctor. And maybe you get off on it. And maybe you think it’s all clever and smart. But tell me, just answer me this: Is my daughter safe?
Rose: I’m fine.
Jackie: Is she safe? Will she always be safe? Can you promise me that?
The Doctor: Right. If we’re going to find their weakness we need to find out where they’re from, which planet. So judging by their basic shape that narrows it down to five thousand planets within travelling distance. What else do we know about them?
Rose: They’re green.
The Doctor: Yep, narrows it down.
Rose: Good sense of smell.
The Doctor: Narrows it down!
Rose: They can smell adrenaline.
The Doctor: Narrows it down.
Rose: The pig technology.
The Doctor: Narrows it down.
Rose: The spaceship in the Thames, you said slipstream engine.
The Doctor: Narrows it down.
Rose: They hunt like it’s a ritual.
The Doctor: Narrows it down.
Harriet Jones: Wait a minute! Did you notice, when they fart—if you’ll pardon the word—it doesn’t just smell like a fart—if you’ll pardon the word. It’s something else. What is it? It’s more like—
Rose: Bad breath.
Harriet Jones: That’s it!
The Doctor: Calcium decay! Now that narrows it down!
The Doctor: Mickey, have you got any vinegar?
Mickey on the phone: How should I know?
The Doctor: It’s your kitchen.
Rose: Cupboard by the sink. Middle shelf.
Jackie: Oh, give it here. grabs phone. What’dya need?
The Doctor: Anything with vinegar!
Jackie: Gherkins! Yeah, pickled onions! Pickled eggs!
The Doctor to Rose: You kiss this man?
The Doctor: I give you a choice. Leave this planet or I’ll stop you.
Slitheen: What? You? Trapped in your box?
The Doctor: Yes. Me.
The Doctor: That’s why the Slitheen went for spectacle. ‘Cause you lot, you get scared you lash out.
Rose: Mickey, any luck?
Mickey on the phone: There’s loads of emergency numbers. They’re all on voicemail.
Harriet: Voicemail dooms us all.
Rose: If we could just get out of here.
The Doctor: There’s a way out.
Rose: What?
The Doctor: There’s always been a way out.
Rose: Then why don’t we use it?
The Doctor to Jackie: Because I can’t guarantee your daughter will be safe.
Jackie: Don’t you dare. Whatever it is, don’t you dare.
The Doctor: That’s the thing. If I don’t dare, everyone dies.
Rose: Do it.
The Doctor: You don’t even know what it is, you’d just let me?
Rose: Yeah.
Rose: My mother’s cooking.
The Doctor: Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.
Mickey: I just went down ‘the shop, and I was thinking, you know, like the whole world’s changed. Aliens and spaceships, all in public. And here it is (holds up newspaper reading Alien Hoax). How can they do that? They saw it.
The Doctor: They’re just not ready. You’re happy to believe in something that’s invisible, but if it’s staring you in the face—”Nope! Can’t see it.” There’s a scientific explanation for that. You’re thick.
Mickey: We’re just idiots.
The Doctor: Well… not all of you.
Mickey: Yeah?