The Christmas Invasion
The Doctor: Why is there an apple in my dressing gown?
Jackie: Oh that’s Howard’s. Sorry.
The Doctor: He keeps apples in his dressing gown?
Jackie: He gets hungry.
The Doctor: What, he gets hungry in his sleep?
Jackie: Sometimes.
Rose: I can hear English. It’s being translated. Which means it’s working. Which means— the TARDIS opens
The Doctor: Did you miss me? The Sycorax leader attacks. You could put someone’s eye out with that. You just can’t get the staff. Now you, just wait. I’m busy. turns to the rest. Mickey, hello! And Harriet Jones, MP from Flydale North! Blimey! It’s like This Is Your Life! Tea! That’s all I needed. A good cup of tea. A superheated infusion of free radicals and tannin. Just the thing for heating the synapses. Now, first thing’s first. to Rose: Be honest. How do I look?
Rose: Um… different.
The Doctor: Good different or bad different?
Rose: Just… different.
The Doctor: Am I ginger?
Rose: No, you’re just sort of brown.
The Doctor: I wanted to be ginger! I’ve never been ginger. And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were. You gave up on me! Oo! That’s rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger.
Harriet: I’m sorry, who is this?
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor.
Rose: He’s the Doctor.
Harriet: Well what happened to my Doctor?
Or is it a title that’s just passed on?
The Doctor: I’m him. I’m literally him. Same man, new face. Well. New everything.
Harriet: But you can’t be.
The Doctor: Harriet Jones. We were trapped in Downing Street and the one thing that scared you wasn’t the aliens, or the war. It was the thought of your mother being on her own.
Harriet: Oh my god.
The Doctor: Did you win the election?
Harriet: Landslide majority.
Sycorax Leader: If I might interrupt!
The Doctor: Yes. Hello! Sorry, big fella.
Sycorax Leader: Who exactly are you?
The Doctor: Well, that’s the question.
Sycorax Leader: I demand to know who you are!
The Doctor: I don’t know! See that’s the thing. I’m the Doctor. But beyond that I just don’t know. I literally do not know who I am. It’s all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed, left-handed? A gambler, a fighter, a coward, a traitor, a liar, a nervous wreck? I mean judging by the evidence I’ve certainly got a gob. notices the glowing orb. And how am I going to react when I see this? A great big threatening button. A great big threatening button which must not be pressed under any circumstances, am I right? Let me guess. It’s some sort of control matrix, hm? Hold on, what’s feeding it? And what have we got here? Blood? tastes it. Yep, definitely blood. Human blood. A positive. With just a dash of iron. But that means… blood control! Blood control! Aw! I haven’t seen blood control for years! You’re controlling all the A positives. Which leaves us with a great big stinking problem. Because I really don’t know who I am. I don’t know when to stop. So if I see a great big threatening button which should never ever ever be pressed, I just want to do this—
Alex: You’ve killed them!
The Doctor: What do you think, big fella? Are they dead?
Sycorax Leader: We allow them to live.
The Doctor: Allow? You have no choice. See, that’s all blood control is. Cheap bit of voodoo. Scares the pants off of you but that’s as far as it goes. It’s like hypnosis. You can hypnotize someone to walk like a chicken or sing like Elvis, you can’t hypnotize them to death. Survival instinct’s too strong.
Sycorax Leader: Blood control is just one form of conquest. I can summon the armada and take this world by force.
The Doctor: Well, yeah, you could, yeah. You could do that, of course you could. But why? Look at these people, these human beings. Consider their potential. From the day they arrive on the planet, blinking step into the sun. There is more to be seen than can ever be seen. More to do than… No, hold on. Sorry, that’s the Lion King. But the point still stands. Leave them alone!
Sycorax Leader: Or what?
The Doctor: Or… I challenge you! Oo, that struck a chord. Am I right that the sanctified rules of combat still apply?
Sycorax Leader: You stand as this world’s champion!
The Doctor: Thank you. I’ve no idea who I am but you’ve just summed me up.
Sycorax Leader seeing the Doctor’s hand regenerate: Witchcraft!
The Doctor: Time Lord.
The Doctor about his regenerated hand: Of course I’m still The Doctor then.
Rose: No arguments from me!
The Doctor: Wanna know the best bit? This new
hand? It’s a fightin’ hand!
The Doctor: Not bad for a man in his jim jams. Very Arthur Dent. Now, there was a nice man. Although what have I got in here? A satsuma. Ah, that friend of your mother’s. He does like his snacks, doesn’t he? But doesn’t that just sum up Christmas. You go through all those presents and right at the end tucked away in the bottom there’s always one stupid old satsuma. the Sycorax gets up to attack the Doctor. No second chances. I’m that sort of a man.
The Doctor: When you go back to the stars and tell others of this planet—when you tell them of its riches, its people, its potential— when you talk of the Earth. Then make sure that you tell them this: “It. Is. Defended.”
The Doctor: I can bring down your government with a single word.
Harriet: You’re the most remarkable man I’ve ever met. But I don’t think you’re quite capable of that.
The Doctor: No, you’re right. Not a single word. Just six.
Harriet: I don’t think so.
The Doctor: Six words.
Harriet: Stop it.
The Doctor: Six. to Alex: Don’t you think she looks tired?
Rose: It’s beautiful! What are they, meteors?
The Doctor: It’s the spaceship breaking up in the atmosphere. This isn’t snow. It’s ash.
Rose: Okay, not so beautiful.
The Doctor: This is a brand new planet Earth. No denying the existence of aliens now. Everyone saw it. Everything’s new.
Rose: And what about you? What are you going to do next?
The Doctor: Well… back to the TARDIS. Same old life.
Rose: On your own?
The Doctor: Why? Don’t you want to come?
Rose: Well yeah.
The Doctor: Do you though?
Rose: Yeah.
The Doctor: Well I just thought… ’cause I changed.
Rose: Yeah, I thought ’cause you changed you might not want me anymore.
The Doctor: Oh I’d love you to come.
Rose: Okay!
Mickey: You’re never going to stay, are you?
Rose: There’s just so much out there. So much to see. I’ve got to.
Mickey: Yeah.
Jackie: Well I reckon you’re mad, the pair of ya. It’s like you go lookin’ for trouble.
The Doctor: Trouble’s just the bits in between! It’s all waiting out there, Jackie. And it’s brand new to me. All those planets, creatures and horizons—I haven’t seen them yet. Not with these eyes. And it is gonna be… fantastic.
The Runaway Bride
Donna: Tell me where I am. I demand you tell me, right now, where am I?
The Doctor: Inside the TARDIS.
Donna: What?
The Doctor: The TARDIS.
Donna: What?
The Doctor: The TARDIS!
Donna: The what?
The Doctor: It’s called the TARDIS!
Donna: That’s not even a proper word. You’re just saying things.
The Doctor: You’re in space. Outer space. And this is my… space ship.
Donna: Who are you?
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor. You?
Donna: Donna.
The Doctor: Human?
Donna: Yeah. Is that optional?
The Doctor: Well it is for me.
Donna: You’re an alien.
The Doctor: Yeah.
The Doctor: Who are you getting married to? Are you sure he’s human? He’s not a bit overweight with a zipper in his forehead, is he?
Donna: No stupid martian is going to stop me from getting married. To hell with you!
The Doctor: I’m not… I’m not… I’m not from Mars.
Donna: What did you do?
The Doctor: Something… martian.
The Doctor: Listen to me,
you’ve got to jump!
Donna: I’m not jumping on a motorway!
The Doctor: Whatever that thing is, it needs you. And whatever it needs you for, it’s not good. Now come on!
Donna: I’m in my wedding dress!
The Doctor: Yes. You look lovely. Come on!
Donna: I can’t do it.
The Doctor: Trust me.
The Doctor: With this ring, I thee bio-damp.
Donna: For better or for worse.
The Doctor: Great big spaceship? Hopping over London? You didn’t notice?
Donna: I had a bit of a hangover.
The Doctor: And she’s not dead. She is so alive.
The Doctor running his screwdriver over Donna: It’s weird, I mean you’re not special, you’re not powerful…
Donna: This friend of yours, just before she left, did she punch you in the face? Stop bleeping me!
The Doctor: Christmas trees.
Donna: What about them?
The Doctor: They kill.
The Doctor: H.C. Clements was bought up twenty-three years ago by the Torchwood Institute.
Donna: Who are they?
The Doctor: They were behind the Battle at Canary Wharf. {no comprehension} Cyberman Invasion. {nothing} Skies over London full of Daleks.
Donna: I was in Spain.
The Doctor: They had Cybermen in Spain.
Donna: Scuba diving.
The Doctor: That big picture, Donna, you keep on missing it.
Donna: I’m a pencil inside a mug?
The Doctor: Yes you are. 4H. Sums you up.
Lance Benett: Are you telling me this building’s got a secret floor?
The Doctor: No, I’m showing you this building’s got a secret floor.
Donna: It needs a key.
The Doctor: I don’t.
Donna: You better come back.
The Doctor: Couldn’t get rid of you if I tried.
Donna: Doctor, if your lot got rid of Huon particles, why did they do that?
The Doctor: Because they were deadly.
Donna: Oh my god.
The Doctor: I’ll sort it out, Donna. Whatever’s been done to you, I’ll reverse it. I am not about to lose someone else.
The Doctor: Only a madman talks to thin air. And trust me, you don’t want to make me mad. Where are you?
Empress of the Racnoss: High in the sky! Floating so high on Christmas night.
The Doctor: I didn’t come all this way to talk on the intercom! Come on! Let’s have a look at you!
The Doctor: Oh. You know what you said before about a time machine? Well I lied and… now we’re going to use it.
The Doctor: Donna Noble, welcome to the creation of the Earth.
The Doctor: They’re pulling us back!
Donna: Well can’t you stop it? Just lean on the handbrake. Can’t you reverse or warp or fade or something?
The Doctor: Backseat driver.
Donna: Well what do we do?
The Doctor: I make it up as I go along. But trust me, I’ve got history.
Donna: What did you do?
The Doctor: Guess what I’ve got, Donna? Pockets.
Donna: How did that fit in there?
The Doctor: They’re bigger on the inside.
The Doctor: You could always…
Donna: What?
The Doctor: Come with me.
Donna: No.
The Doctor: Okay.
Donna: I can’t.
The Doctor: No, that’s fine.
Donna: No but really. I mean, everything we did today. Do you live your life like that?
The Doctor: Not all the time.
Donna: I think you do. And I couldn’t.
The Doctor: You’ve seen it out there. It’s beautiful.
Donna: And it’s terrible. That place was flooded and burning and they were dying, and you stood there like… I don’t know, a stranger. And then you made it snow! I mean you scare me to death.
The Doctor: Fine.
Donna: Tell you what I will do, though. Christmas dinner. Oh come on.
The Doctor: I don’t do that sort of thing.
Donna: You did it last year, you said so. And you might as well because mum always cooks enough for twenty.
The Doctor: Ah… oh alright then. But you go first. Better warn them. And don’t say I’m a martian. I just have to park her properly. She might drift off to the Middle Ages. I’ll see you in a moment.
Donna: Am I ever going to see you again?
The Doctor: If I’m lucky.
Donna: Just promise me one thing. Find someone.
The Doctor: I don’t need anyone.
Donna: Yes you do. Because sometimes I think you need someone to stop you.
The Doctor: Thanks then, Donna. Good luck. And just, be magnificent.
Voyage of the Damned
The Doctor: Titanic. Who thought of the name?
Heavenly Host: Information: It was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth.
The Doctor: Did they tell you why it was famous?
Heavenly Host: Information: All designations are chosen by Mr. Max Capricorn, president of Max— Max— Max—
The Doctor: Oops. Bit of a glitch!
The Doctor: You dreamt of another sky. New sun, new air, new life. A whole universe teeming with life. Why stand still when there’s all that life out there.
Astrid Peth (Kylie Minogue): So you travel alone?
The Doctor: All the time. Just for fun. Well. That’s the plan. Never quite works.
Astrid: Must be rich though.
The Doctor: Haven’t got a penny. Stowaway.
Astrid: Kidding?
The Doctor: Seriously!
Astrid: No!
The Doctor: Oh yeah.
Astrid: How’d you get on board?
The Doctor: Accident. I’ve this sort of ship thing I was just rebuilding her. Left the defenses down. Bumped into the Titanic, here I am. Bit of a party I thought, Why not.
The Doctor: But um, hold on. Hold on. What was your name?
Bannakaffalatta: Bannakaffalatta.
The Doctor: Okay, Bannakaffalatta. But it’s Christmas Eve down there. Late night shopping, tons of people. He’s like a talking Conker. No offense, but you’ll cause a riot. ‘Cause the streets are going to be packed with shoppers and parties and people and— beams down to an empty street. Oh.
The Doctor: Bad name for a ship. Either that, or this suit is really unlucky.
The Doctor: If we can get reception I’ve got a spaceship tucked away, we can all get on board and… oh.
Astrid: What is it? What’s wrong?
The Doctor: That’s my ship over there.
Astrid: Where?
The Doctor: There, that box. That little blue box.
Astrid: That’s a spaceship?
The Doctor: Oy! Don’t knock it.
Astrid: It’s a bit small.
The Doctor: Bit distant.
The Doctor: First things first. One. We are going to climb through this ship. B. (No.) Two. We are going to reach the bridge. Three. Or C. We are going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four. Or D. Or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes. Why? Right then, follow me.
Slade: Hang on a minute! Who out you in charge? And who the hell are you anyway?
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor. I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I’m nine hundred and three years old. And I’m the man that’s going to save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?
Slade: No.
The Doctor: In that case, allons-y!
Mr. Copper: Rather ironic, but this is very much in the spirit of Christmas. It’s a festival of violence. They say that human beings only survive depending on whether they’ve been good or bad. It’s barbaric!
The Doctor: Actually, that’s not true. Christmas is a time of peace and thanksgiving and— what am I going on about? My Christmasses are always like this.
Slade: Is that the only way across?
The Doctor: On the other hand it is a way across.
Bannakaffalatta: Too many people!
The Doctor: Oy! Don’t get spiky with me. Keep going!
The Doctor: No no no! But, hold on! Override! Loophole! Security Protocol 10! 666! 21! 4, 5, 6-7-8. Um, I don’t know? 42? Um… one!
Heavenly Host: Information: State request.
The Doctor: Good. Right. You’ve been ordered to kill the survivors but why?
Heavenly Host: Information: No witnesses.
The Doctor: But this ship’s going to fall on the Earth and kill everyone. The human race has got nothing to do with the Titanic. So that contravenes your orders, yes?
Heavenly Host: Information: incorrect.
The Doctor: But, why do you want to destroy the Earth?
Heavenly Host: Information: it is the plan.
The Doctor: What plan?
Heavenly Host: Information protocol grants you only three questions. These three questions have been used.
The Doctor: You could have warned me.
Heavenly Host: Information: now you will die.
The Doctor: Wait wait wait! Security Protocol One! D’you hear me? One! One! Okay, that gives me three questions. Three questions to save my life. Am I right?
Heavenly Host: Information: Correct.
The Doctor: No, that wasn’t one of them. I didn’t mean it. That’s not fair. Can I start again?
Heavenly Host: Information: No.
The Doctor: No. No no no! That wasn’t a question either. Blimey. One question left. One question left. So. You’ve been given orders to kill the survivors. But! Survivors must therefore be passengers or staff. But not me. I’m not a passenger, I’m not staff. Go on, scan me. No such bio records. No such person on board. I don’t exist. Therefore you can’t kill me. Therefore I’m a stowaway. And stowaways should be arrested and taken to the nearest figure of authority. And I reckon the nearest figure of authority is on Deck 31. Final question: Am I right?
Heavenly Host: Information: Correct.
The Doctor: Brilliant. Take me to your leader. I’ve always wanted to say that.
The Doctor: Well. Now. That’s what you’d call a fixer-upper. Come on then, Host with the most. This ultimate authority of yours. Who is it?
Max Capricorn: Who the hell is this?
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor. Hello.
Heavenly Host: Information: Stowaway.
The Doctor: Well…
Max Capricorn: Kill him!
The Doctor: Wait wait wait! You can’t. Come on. Not now. Max, you’ve given me so much good material. Like, how to get ahead in business. See? Head. Head. Head in business? No?
Max Capricorn: Oh, the office joker. I like a funny man. No one’s been funny with me for years.
The Doctor: I can’t see why.
Max Capricorn: My own board voted me out. Stabbed me in the back!
The Doctor: If you had a back.
The Doctor: So that’s the plan? A retirement plan? Two thousand people on this ship. Six billion underneath us. All of them slaughtered. And why? Because Max Capricorn is a loser.
Max Capricorn: I never lose.
The Doctor: You can’t even sink the Titanic.
The Doctor: What’s your first name?
Midshipman Frame: Alonzo.
The Doctor: You are kidding me.
Midshipman Frame: What?
The Doctor: That’s something else I’ve always wanted to say. Allons-y, Alonzo!
The Doctor: Unsinkable, that’s me.
Alonzo: We made it.
The Doctor: Not all of us.
Mr. Copper: So Great Britain is a part of Europe. And just across the British channel you’ve got Great France and Great Germany.
The Doctor: No, it’s just France and Germany. Only Britain is Great.
Mr. Copper: And they’re all at war with the continent of “Hamerica”.
The Doctor: No. Well. Not yet. Um. You could argue that one.
Mr. Copper: You know, between you and me, I don’t even think this snow is real. I think it’s the ballast from the Titanic’s salvage entering the atmosphere.
The Doctor: Yeah. One of days it might snow for real.
The Next Doctor
The Doctor: You there, boy. What day is this?
Boy: Christmas Eve, sir.
The Doctor: In what year?
Boy: You thick or something?
The Doctor: Oy. Just answer the question.
Boy: Year of Our Lord, 1851 sir.
The Doctor: Right. Nice year. Bit dull.
Rosita: Doctor! Doctor!
The Doctor: Who me? laughs and runs toward the voice
Rosita: Doctor!
The Doctor: Don’t worry! Don’t worry! Stand back. What have we got here? Okay I’ve got it. And whatever’s behind that door I think you should get out of here.
Rosita: Doctor!
The Doctor: No no. I’m standing right here. Hello.
Rosita: Don’t be stupid! Who’re you?
The Doctor: I’m The Doctor.
Rosita: Who’re you?
The Doctor: The Doctor.
Rosita: Doctor Who?
The Doctor: Just The Doctor.
Rosita: Well there can’t be two of ya! another man comes running up Where the hell have you been?
The “New” Doctor: I’ve got it! Don’t worry! Stand back! What have we got here then?
The Doctor: Hold on. And who are you?
The “New” Doctor: I’m The Doctor! Simply The Doctor! The one, the only and the best. Rosita, get me the sonic screwdriver.
The Doctor: The what?
The “New” Doctor: Now quickly, get back to the TARDIS.
The Doctor: Back to the what?
The “New” Doctor: If you could stand back sir. This is a job for a Time Lord.
The Doctor: Job for a What-Lord? a hairy masked creature pops out
The Doctor: Oh that’s different.
The “New” Doctor: Oh that’s new.
Both: Allons-y!
The “New” Doctor: Now then! Let’s pull this timorous beastie down to earth. the rope starts taking him upward
The Doctor: Or not.
The “New” Doctor: I might be in a bit of trouble!
The Doctor to himself: Nothing changes. to The New Doctor I’ve got you!
Rosita: You idiots!
The “New” Doctor: Perhaps if you could pull—
The Doctor: I am pulling! In this position I couldn’t not pull, could I?
The “New” Doctor: Then I suggest you let go, sir!
The Doctor: I’m not letting you out of my sight, Doctor. Don’t you recognize me?
The “New” Doctor: No. Should I? Have we met? This is hardly the right time for me to go through my social calendar!
The Doctor: It’s gonna jump!
The “New” Doctor: We’re gonna fall!
The “New” Doctor: Oh I’m not as young as I was.
The Doctor: Well. Not as young as you were when you were me.
The “New” Doctor: When I was who?
The Doctor: You really don’t recognize me.
The “New” Doctor: Not at all.
The Doctor: But you’re The Doctor. The Next Doctor. Well The Next But-Awhile-In-the-Future Doctor anyway. No no. Don’t tell me how it happens. Although I hope I don’t just trip over a brick. That’d be embarrassing. Then again, painless. Well there are worse ways to go. Depends on the brick.
The “New” Doctor: You’re gamboling, sir. Now might I ask who are you exactly?
The Doctor: No. I’m just Smith. John Smith. But I’ve heard all about you Doctor. Bit of a legend if I say so myself.
The “New” Doctor: Modesty forbids me to agree with you, sir. But yes, yes I am.
The Doctor: A legend with certain memories missing. Am I right?
The “New” Doctor: How’d you know that?
The Doctor: You’ve forgotten me.
The “New” Doctor: Great swaths of my life have been stolen away. When I turn my mind to the past there’s nothing.
The Doctor: Going how far back?
The “New” Doctor: Since the Cybermen. Masters of the Hellish War Scuttler and old enemies of mine. Now at work in Londontown. You won’t believe this, Mr. Smith. But they are creatures from another world.
The Doctor feigning shock : Really. Wow.
The “New” Doctor: It is said they fell onto London. Out of the sky in a blaze of light. And they found me. Something was taken. And something was lost. What was I like? In the past?
The Doctor: Well I don’t think I should say. Gotta be careful with memory loss. One wrong word—
The “New” Doctor: It’s strange though, I talk of Cybermen from the stars. And you don’t blink, Mr. Smith.
The Doctor: Ah! “Don’t Blink”! Remember that? “Whatever you do, don’t blink.”? The blinking and the statues? Sally and the weeping angels?
The “New” Doctor: You’re a very odd man.
The Doctor: Hm. I still am. Something’s wrong here.
The Doctor popping up in the door: Hello!
The “New” Doctor: How’d you get in?
The Doctor: Front door. I’m good at doors. Do you mind my asking—is that your sonic screwdriver?
The “New” Doctor holding up a wood handled screwdriver: I’d be lost without it.
The Doctor: But that’s a… screwdriver. How’s it sonic?
The “New” Doctor: Well… it makes noise. taps it on the doorframe That’s sonic, isn’t it?
The Doctor: This investigation of yours, what’s it all about?
The “New” Doctor: It started with a murder.
The Doctor: Oh. Good. The New Doctor looks at him strangely Oi, bad. But whose?
The “New” Doctor: Mr. Jackson Lake. Teacher of mathematics from Sussex. Came to London three weeks ago and died a terrible death.
The Doctor: Cybermen.
The “New” Doctor: It’s hard to say. His body was never found. But then it started. More secret murders. Then abductions. Children…. Stolen away in silence.
The “New” Doctor: It’s funny. I seem to be telling you everything. As though you engendered some sort of trust. You seem familiar, Mr. Smith. Like I know your face. But how?
The Doctor: I wonder. I can’t help noticing you’re wearing a fob watch.
The “New” Doctor: Is that important?
The Doctor: Legend has it that the memories of a Time Lord can be contained within a watch. D’you mind? It’s said… that if it’s opened… {the inner workings pop out} Oh. Maybe not.
The “New” Doctor: That’s more for decoration.
The “New” Doctor: Who are you?
The Doctor: A friend. I swear.
The “New” Doctor: Then I beg you, John. Help me.
The Doctor: Ah. Two words I never refuse. But that’s not a conversation for a dead man’s house. It’ll make more sense if we go back to the TARDIS. Your… TARDIS. I just need to do a little final check. Won’t take a tick. Because there’s one more thing I cannot figure. If this room’s got infostamps then maybe, just maybe, it’s got something that needs infostamping. {opens a door to find a Cyberman} Okay. I think we should run.
The Doctor: Infostamp with a cycle of [] core. You ripped open the core and broke the safety! Zap! Only a Doctor would think of that.
The “New” Doctor: I did that. Last time.
The Doctor: Come here, you’ll be okay. Let me just check—
The “New” Doctor: You told them you were The Doctor. Why did you do that?
The Doctor: Oh. Just… protecting you.
The “New” Doctor: You’re trying to take away
the only thing I’ve got. Like they did. They stole something. Something so precious but I— I can’t remember. What happened to me? What did they do?
The Doctor: We’ll find out. You and me together.
The “New” Doctor: What manner of men are they?
The Doctor: Cybermen.
The “New” Doctor: Are you whistling again?
The Doctor putting away the sonic screwdriver: Yes. Yes I am. Yeah.
The “New” Doctor: There she is! My transport through time and space. My TARDIS.
The Doctor: You’ve got a… balloon.
The “New” Doctor: TARDIS. T-A-R-D-I-S. It stands for Tethered Aerial Release Developed in Style. D’you see?
The Doctor: Well I do now. I like it. Good…. TARDIS. Brilliant. Nice one. It’s inflated by gas, yeah?
The “New” Doctor: Think of it John. Time and the space.
The Doctor: The perfect escape. Do you ever wonder what you’re escaping from?
The “New” Doctor: With every moment.
The Doctor: Then do you want me to tell you? ‘Cause I think I’ve worked it out now. How you became The Doctor. What do you think? Do you want to know?
The Doctor: The story begins with the Cybermen. A long time away—and not so far from here—the Cybermen were fought. And they were beaten. And they were sent into a howling wilderness called The Void. Locked inside forevermore. But then a greater battle rose up. So great that everything inside The Void perished. But as the walls of the world weakened, the last of the Cybermen must have fallen through the dimensions, back in time. To land here. And they found you.
The “New” Doctor: I fought them, I know that. But what happened?
The Doctor: At the same time another man came to London. Mr. Jackson Lake. Plenty of luggage. Money in his pocket. Maybe coming to town for the winter season. But he found the Cybermen too. And just like you—exactly like you—he took hold of an infostamp.
The “New” Doctor: But he’s dead. Jackson Lake is dead. The Cybermen murdered him.
The Doctor: You said no body was ever found. And you kept all his suitcases but you could never bring yourself to open them. I told you the answer was in the fob watch. Can I see? “J.L.” The watch is Jackson Lake’s. Jackson Lake is you, sir.
The “New” Doctor: But I’m The Doctor.
The Doctor: You became The Doctor. Because the infostamp you picked up was a book about one particular man. The Cybermen’s database. Stolen from the Daleks inside The Void, I’d say. But it’s everything you could want to know about The Doctor.
Jackson Lake: That’s you.
The Doctor: Time Lord. TARDIS. Enemy of the Cybermen. The one and the only. You see, the infostamp must have backfired. Streamed all that information about me inside your head.
Jackson Lake: I am nothing but a lie.
The Doctor: No no no no. Infostamps are just facts and figures. All that bravery—saving Rosita, defending Londontown. Hm? The invention—building a TARDIS. That’s all you.
Jackson Lake: And what else? Tell me what else.
The Doctor: There’s still something missing isn’t there?
Jackson Lake: I demand you tell me sir! Tell me what they took!
The Doctor: Sorry. Really I am so sorry. But that’s an awful lot of luggage for one man. ‘Cause an infostamp is plain technology. It’s not enough to make a man lose his mind. What you suffered is called a fugue. A fugue state. Where the mind just runs away ’cause it can’t bear to look back. You wanted to become someone else. Because Jackson Lake had lost so much.
Rosita: Midnight. Christmas Day.
Jackson Lake: I remember. Oh my god. Caroline. They killed my wife.
The Doctor: Mr. Cole, you seem to have something in your ear.
The Doctor running into a Cyberman: Woah! That’s cheating, sneaking up. Do you have your legs on silent?
Cyberman: You are The Doctor.
The Doctor: Hello.
Cyberman: You will be deleted.
The Doctor: No no no. Let me die happy.
Just tell me one thing. What do you need those children for?
Miss Hartigan: What are children ever needed for? They’re a workforce.
The Doctor: But for what?
Miss Hartigan: Very soon now the whole empire will see. and they will bow down. In worship.
The Doctor: And it’s all been timed for Christmas Day. Was that your idea, Miss— ?
Miss Hartigan: Hartigan. And yes. The perfect day for birth. With a new message for the people. Only this time it won’t be the words of a man.
The Doctor: The birth of what?
Miss Hartigan: A birth and a death. Namely yours. Thank you, Doctor. Glad to have been a part of your last conversation.
Rosita: One last thing. turns and clocks Hartigan.
The Doctor approvingly: Can I say I completely disapprove!
The Doctor: C’mon. Avanti!
The Doctor: Oo. Hold on. Power fluctuation. That’s not gonna help.
Jackson Lake: What’s going on?
The Doctor: I don’t know. That’s weird. The software is rewriting itself. It’s changing.
The Doctor: Whoa! What the hell’s happening? It’s out of control!
Jackson Lake: It’s accelerating. At 96% 97%.
Rosita: When it reaches 100? What happens to the children?
The Doctor: They’re disposable. C’mon!
The Doctor to the children: There’s a hot pie for everyone if you leg it!
The Doctor: It’s a Cyberking!
Jackson Lake: And a Cyberking is what?
The Doctor: It’s a ship. Dreadknot class. Frontline of an invasion. And inside the chest is a Cyberfactory. Ready to convert millions.
Miss Hartigan/Cyberking: I have the world below and it is abundant with so many minds ready to become extensions of me. Why would I leave this place?
The Doctor: Because if you don’t I’ll have to stop you.
Miss Hartigan/Cyberking: What do you make of me sir? An idiot?
The Doctor: No. The question is, what do you make of me?
Miss Hartigan/Cyberking: Destroy him!
The Doctor: You make me into this.
Miss Hartigan/Cyberking: Then I have made you a failure. Your weapons are useless, sir.
The Doctor: I wasn’t trying to kill you. All I did was break the cyberconnection. Leaving your mind open. Open, I think, for the first time in far too many years. So you can see. Just look at yourself. Look at what you’ve done. I’m sorry, Miss Hartigan. But look at what you’ve become… I’m so sorry.
Jackson Lake: Tell me one thing. All those facts and figures I saw of the Doctor’s life, you were never alone. All those bright and shining companions. But not anymore?
The Doctor: No.
Jackson Lake: Might I ask why not?
The Doctor: They leave. Because they should. Or they find someone else. And some of them— some of them forget me. I suppose in the end… they break my heart.
The Doctor: Jackson, if anyone had to be The Doctor I’m glad it was you.