New Earth
The Doctor: So in the year five billion, the sun expands, the Earth gets roasted.
Rose: That was our first date.
The Doctor: We had chips.
Rose: What’s the city called?
The Doctor: New New York.
Rose: Oh come on.
The Doctor: It is. It’s the city of New New York. Strictly speaking, it’s the fifteenth New York since the original. So that makes it New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York.
Rose: Not exactly NHS.
The Doctor: No little shop. I like the little shop.
Rose: I’d have thought this far in the future they’d have cured everything.
The Doctor: The human race moves on, but so do the viruses. It’s an ongoing war.
Rose noticing the nurses: They’re cats.
The Doctor: Now, don’t stare. Look what you look like to them, all… pink and yellow.
Novice Hame: The Face of Boe is dying.
The Doctor: Of what?
Novice Hame: Old age. The one thing we can’t cure. He’s thousands of years old. Some people say millions. Although that’s impossible.
The Doctor: Oh, I don’t know. I like impossible. to the Face of Boe: I’m here. I look a bit different, but it’s me. It’s the Doctor.
Cassandra in Rose: What about you?
The Doctor: I’ve got an appointment. The Doctor is in.
The Doctor: The human race just keeps on going—keeps on changing. Life will out. Ha!
The Face of Boe: I had grown tired of the Universe, Doctor. But you have taught me to look at it anew.
The Doctor: There are legends you know. Saying that you’re millions of years old.
The Face of Boe: Now that would be impossible.
The Doctor: Wouldn’t it just. I got the impression there was something you wanted to tell me.
The Face of Boe: A great secret.
The Doctor: So the legend says.
The Face of Boe: It can wait.
The Doctor: Oh! Does it have to?
The Face of Boe: We shall meet again, Doctor, for the third time—for the last time—and the truth shall be told. Until that day.
The Doctor: That is enigmatic. That is textbook enigmatic.
Tooth and Claw
The Doctor: Ian Dury and the Blockheads. Number one in 1979.
Rose: You’re a punk. That’s what you are. A big ol’ punk with a bit of Rockabilly thrown in.
The Doctor: Want to go see him?
Rose: How d’you mean, in concert?
The Doctor: What else is the TARDIS for? I can take you to the Battle of Trafalgar, the first anti-gravity Olympics, Caesar crossing the Rubicon. Or Ian Dury at the Top Rank. Sheffield, England, Earth, 21st November 1979. What do you think?
Rose: Sheffield it is.
The Doctor: Hold on tight.
The Doctor: 1979! Hell of a year! China invades Vietnam. The Muppet Movie. Love that film. Margaret Thatcher. Ugh. Skylab fell to Earth with a little help from me. Nearly took off my thumb. walking out of the TARDIS And I like my thumb. I need my thumb. I’m very attached to— sees the armed men on horseback —my thumb. to himself. 1879. Same difference.
Captain Reynolds: You will explain your presence and the nakedness of this girl.
The Doctor: Are we in Scotland?
Captain Reynolds: How can you be ignorant of that?
The Doctor: Oh, I’m dazed and confused. I’ve been chasing this wee naked child over hill and over dale. I’nt that right, ya timorous beastie?
Rose: Och! Ay! I’ve bin oot and aboot.
The Doctor: No, don’t do that.
Rose: Hoots mon.
The Doctor: No, really don’t. Really.
Rose: I want her to say “We are not amused.” I bet you five quid I can make her say it.
The Doctor: Well if I gambled on that it’d be an abuse of my privilege as a traveler in time.
Rose: Ten quid?
The Doctor: Done.
The Doctor: Front door’s no good—it’s been boarded shut. Pardon me, Your Majesty, you’ll have to leg it out of a window.
Rose: What do we do?
The Doctor: We… run.
Rose: Is that it?
The Doctor: You got any silver bullets?
Rose: Not on me, no.
The Doctor: There we are then. We run.
Sir Robert: I’m sorry, Mum. It’s all my fault. I should’ve sent you away. I tried to suggest something was wrong. I thought you might notice. Did you think there was nothing strange about my household staff?
The Doctor: Well, they were bald, athletic—your wife’s away, I just thought you were happy.
Queen Victoria: What exactly—I pray, tell me someone please—what exactly is that creature?
The Doctor: You call it a werewolf but technically it’s more of a Lupin Wavelength Hemovariform.
Queen Victoria: And should I trust you, sir? You who change your voice so easy? What happened to your accent?
The Doctor: Oh… right. Sorry. That—
Queen Victoria: I’ll not have it. No sir. Not you, not that thing. None of it. This is not my world.
Sir Robert: That creature won’t give up, Doctor, and we still don’t possess an actual weapon.
The Doctor: Oh, your father got all the brains, didn’t he?
Rose: Being rude again.
The Doctor: Good. I meant that one.
The Doctor: Imagine it. The Victorian Age accelerated. Starships and missiles, fueled by coal and driven by steam. Leaving history devastated in its wake.
The Doctor: What if this house—it’s a trap for you, mum?
Queen Victoria: Obviously.
The Doctor: At least that’s what the wolf intended. But what if there’s a trap inside the trap?
Queen Victoria: Explain yourself, Doctor.
The Doctor: What if his father and your husband weren’t just telling each other stories, they dared to imagine all this was true. They planned against it, laying the real trap not for you, but for the wolf.
The Doctor: Your Majesty, the diamond.
Queen Victoria: For what purpose?
The Doctor: The purpose it was designed for.
The Doctor: No but the funny thing is Queen Victoria actually did suffer a mutation of the blood. It’s historical record. She was hemophiliac. They used to call it the Royal Disease. But it’s always been a mystery because she didn’t inherit it. Her mom didn’t have it, her dad didn’t have it. It came from nowhere.
Rose: What, and you’re saying that’s a wolf bite?
The Doctor: Well maybe hemophilia is just a Victorian euphemism.
Rose: For werewolf?
The Doctor: Could be.
Rose: Queen Victoria is a werewolf?
The Doctor: Could be. And her children had the royal disease. Maybe she gave them a quick nip.
Rose: So the royal family are werewolves?
The Doctor: Well, maybe not yet. I mean a single wolf cell could take a hundred years to mature. Might be ready by, hm, early twenty-first century.
Rose: Naw, that’s just ridiculous. Mind you, Princess Anne.
The Doctor: Aw, say no more!
School Reunion
The Doctor: It’s very well-behaved, this place. I thought there would be happy slapping hoodies. Happy slapping hoodies with ASBOs. Happy slapping hoodies with ASBOs and ringtones. pleased with himself. Yeah? Yeah? Oh yeah! Don’t tell me I don’t fit in.
Sarah Jane Smith (Elisabeth Sladen): Hello.
The Doctor: Oh, I should think so.
Sarah Jane: And you are?
The Doctor: Hm? Ah, Smith. John Smith.
Sarah Jane: John Smith. I used to have a friend who sometimes went by that name.
The Doctor: Well it’s a very common name.
Sarah Jane: He was a very uncommon man. Nice to me you.
The Doctor: Nice to meet you. Yes, very nice. More than nice. Brilliant.
The Doctor: Hello Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane: It’s you. Doctor. Oh my god, it’s you isn’t it? You’ve regenerated.
The Doctor: Half a dozen times since we last met.
Sarah Jane: You look…. incredible.
The Doctor: So do you.
Sarah Jane: I got old.
What are you doing here?
The Doctor: Well, UFO sightings, school gets record results. I couldn’t resist. What about you?
Sarah Jane: Same. They laugh. I thought you’d died. I waited for you and you didn’t come back, and I thought you must have died.
The Doctor: I lived. Everyone else died.
Sarah Jane: What do you mean?
The Doctor: Everyone died, Sarah.
Sarah Jane: I can’t believe it’s you. Mickey screams Okay, now I can.
Sarah Jane: Did I do something wrong? ‘Cause you never came back for me. You just dumped me.
The Doctor: I told you, I was called back home and in those days humans weren’t allowed.
Sarah Jane: I waited for you. I missed you.
The Doctor: Oh, you didn’t need me. You were getting on with your life.
Sarah Jane: You were my life.
You know what the most difficult thing was? Coping with what happens next. No, with what doesn’t happen next. You took me to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, you showed me supernovas, intergalactic battles and then you just dropped me back on Earth. How could anything compare to that?
The Doctor: All those things you saw, you want me to apologize for that?
Sarah Jane: No! But we get a taste of that splendor and then we have to go back.
The Doctor: Look at you, you’re investigating. You found that school. You’re doing what we always did.
Sarah Jane: You could have come back.
The Doctor: I couldn’t.
Sarah Jane: Why not?
Rose: I wouldn’t touch it though. That Dinner Lady got all scorched.
The Doctor: I’m no Dinner Lady. And I don’t often say that.
The Doctor: You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can’t spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That’s the curse of the Time Lords.
Finch: And what of the Time Lords? I always thought of you as such a pompous race. Ancient, dusty senators so frightened of change and… chaos. And of course, they’re all but extinct. Only you, the last.
The Doctor: This plan of yours, what is it?
Finch: You don’t know?
The Doctor: That’s why I’m asking.
Finch: Well show me how clever you are. Work it out.
The Doctor: If I don’t like it, then it will stop.
Finch: Fascinating. Your people were peaceful to the point of indolence. You seem to be something new. would you declare war on us, Doctor?
The Doctor: I’m so old now. I used to have so much mercy. You get one warning. That was it.
Finch: Their lives are so fleeting. So many goodbyes. How lonely you must be, Doctor. Join us.
The Doctor: I could save everyone.
Finch: Yes.
The Doctor: I could stop the war.
Sarah Jane: No. The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world or a relationship, everything has its time. And everything ends.
The Doctor: Goodbye, old friend.
K-9: Goodbye Master.
The Doctor: You good dog.
K-9: Affirmative.
The Girl in the Fireplace
Mickey: It’s a spaceship. Brilliant! I got a spaceship on my first go.
Rose: It looks kind of abandoned. Anyone on board?
The Doctor: Nah. Nothing here. Well, nothing dangerous. Well, not that dangerous. Know what, I’ll just have a quick scan. In case of something dangerous.
The Doctor: Dear me. Got some cowboys in here. There’s a ton of repair work going on.
Rose: Where’d all the crew go?
The Doctor: Good question. No life readings on board.
Rose: Well. We’re in deep space. They didn’t just nip out for a quick fag.
The Doctor: Nope. Checked all the smoking pods.
Reinette: Monsieur, what are you doing in my fireplace?
The Doctor: Oh it’s just a… routine fire check. Can you tell me what year it is?
Reinette: Of course I can. Seventeen hundred and twenty-seven.
The Doctor: Right. Lovely. One of my favorites. August is rubbish though. Stay indoors.
Mickey: You said this was the 51st century.
The Doctor: I also said this ship was generating enough power to punch a hole in the Universe. I think we just found the hole. Must be a spaceship with a temporal hyperlink.
Mickey: What’s that?
The Doctor: No idea. Just made it up. Didn’t want to say “Magic Door”.
The Doctor: Okay, that’s scary.
Reinette: You’re scared of a broken clock?
The Doctor: Just a bit scared, yeah. Just a little tiny bit. ‘Cause you see, if this clock’s broken—and it’s the only clock in the room… {the ticking gets louder.} Then what’s that? ‘Cause you see, that’s not a clock. You can tell by the resonance. Too big. Six feet I’d say. Size of a man.
Reinette (Sophia Myles): Monsieur, be careful!
The Doctor: Just a nightmare, Reinette. Don’t worry about it. Everyone has nightmares. Even monsters from under the bed have nightmares. Don’t you, monster?
Reinette: What do monsters have nightmares about?
The Doctor: Me!
Mickey: Excellent! Ice gun.
The Doctor: Fire extinguisher.
Reinette: You seem to be flesh and blood at any rate, but the is absurd. Reason tells me you cannot be real.
The Doctor: Oh, you never want to listen to reason.
Who the hell are you?
The Doctor: I’m the Doctor. And I just snogged Madame de Pompadour.
The Doctor: Rose? Mickey? Every time! Every time! It’s rule one. “Don’t wander off.” I tell them, I do. Rule one. There could be anything on this ship. {sees the horse}
Mickey: What’s a horse doing on a spaceship?
The Doctor: Mickey, what’s pre-Revolutionary France doing on a spaceship. Get a little perspective.
Rose: We found a camera with an eye in it. And there was a heart wired into the machinery.
The Doctor: It’s just doing what it was programmed to do. Repairing the ship any way it can with whatever it can find. No one told it the crew weren’t on the menu. What did you say the flight deck smelled of?
Rose: Someone cooking.
The Doctor: Flesh plus heat. Barbeque.
The Doctor: It’s back on the ship. Rose, take Mickey and Arthur, get after it, follow it. Don’t approach it, just watch where it goes.
Rose: Arthur?
The Doctor: Good name for a horse.
Rose: No, you’re not keeping the horse.
The Doctor: I let you keep Mickey. Now go go go!
Reinette: Fireplace Man. You are in my mind.
The Doctor: Oh dear, Reinette. You’ve had some cowboys in here.
Reinette: Doctor. So lonely. So very very alone.
The Doctor: What do you mean, alone? You’ve never been alone in your life. {realizing} When did you start calling me Doctor?
Reinette: Such a lonely little boy. Lonely then and lonelier now. How can you bear it?
The Doctor: How did you do that?
Reinette: A door once opened may be stepped through in either direction.
Reinette: Oh Doctor. My lonely Doctor. Dance with me.
The Doctor: I can’t.
Reinette: Dance with me.
The Doctor: This is the night you dance with the King.
Reinette: Then first I shall make him jealous.
The Doctor: I can’t.
Reinette: Doctor. Doctor who? It’s more than just a secret, isn’t it?
The Doctor: What did you see?
Reinette: That there comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must learn how to dance.
Rose: Oh, look at what the cat dragged in. The Oncoming Storm.
The Doctor: Mm. You sound just like your mother.
Rose: What have you been doing? Where have you been?
The Doctor: Well… among other things I think I just invented the banana daiquiri a couple of centuries early. Do you know they’d never even seen a banana before. Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Bananas are good.
The Doctor: Oh ho ho… brilliant! It’s you! You’re my favorite, you are. You are the best. You know why? ‘Cause you’re so thick! You’re Mr. Thick Thick Thickety Thickface from Thicktown. Thickania! … And so’s your dad.
The Doctor: Multi-grade Anti-oil. If it moves, it doesn’t.
The Doctor: Alright. Many things about this are not good.
King Louis: What the hell is going on?
Reinette: Oh. This is my lover, the King of France.
The Doctor: Yeah? Well I’m the Lord of Time.
The Doctor: It’s over. Accept that. I’m not winding you up.
The Doctor: Give me two minutes. Pack a bag.
Reinette: Am I going somewhere?
The Doctor: Go to the window. Pick a star. Any star.
Rose: You all right?
The Doctor: I’m always all right.
Rise of the Cybermen
Rose: What happened?
The Doctor: The Time Vortex, it’s gone! That’s impossible. It’s just gone.
The Doctor: She’s dead. The TARDIS is dead.
Rose: You can fix it?
The Doctor: There’s nothing to fix. She’s perished. The last TARDIS in the Universe, extinct.
Rose: We can get help, yeah?
The Doctor: Where from?
Rose: Well, we’ve landed. We’ve got to be somewhere.
The Doctor: We fell out of the Vortex. Through the Void into nothingness. We’re in some sort of noplace. A silent realm. A lost dimension.
Mickey looking outside: Otherwise known as London.
The Doctor: If I could just get this thing to— {The Doctor kicks the TARDIS}
Mickey: Did that help?
The Doctor: Yes.
Mickey: Did that hurt?
The Doctor: Yes.
Mickey: I’ve seen it in comics. People are popping from one alternative world to another. It’s easy.
The Doctor: Not in the real world. Used to be easy. When the Time Lords kept their eye on everything. You could pop between realities, home in time for tea. Then they died and took it all with them. The walls of reality closed. The worlds were sealed. And everything became a bit less kind.
The Doctor: I just gave away ten years of my life. Worth every second!
The Doctor: It’s happening again.
Rose: What d’you mean?
The Doctor: I’ve seen them before.
Rose: What are they?
The Doctor: Cybermen.
Rose: What, are they, robots?
The Doctor: Worse than that.
President: Who were these people?
Lumic: Doesn’t matter.
Rose: They’re people.
The Doctor: They were. ‘Til they had all their humanity taken away. It’s a living brain jammed inside a cybernetic body. With a heart of steel. All emotions removed.
Rose: Why no emotion?
The Doctor: Because it hurts.
The Age of Steel
Ricky: I’m London’s most wanted for parking tickets.
Pete: Oh great.
Ricky: Yeah, they were deliberate. I was fighting the system. Park anywhere, that’s me.
The Doctor: Good policy. I do much the same.
The Doctor: The human race. For such an intelligent lot you aren’t half susceptible. Give anyone a chance to take control and you submit. Sometimes I think you like it. Easy life.
The Doctor: The whole of London’s been sealed off and the entire population’s been taken inside that place. To be converted.
Rose: We’ve got to get in there and shut it down.
Mickey: How do we do that?
The Doctor: Oh, I’ll think of something.
Mickey: You’re just making this up as you go along.
The Doctor: Yep. But I do it brilliantly.
The Doctor: You haven’t got a hot dog in there, have you? I’m starving.
Mrs. Moore: Of all the things to wish for. That’s mechanically-recovered meat.
The Doctor: I know. It’s Cybermen of food but it’s tasty.
The Doctor: Oh, good team, Mrs. Moore!
The Doctor: I’ve been captured. But don’t worry, Rose and Pete are out there. They can rescue me. Oh well, never mind.
The Doctor: That’s my friends at work. Good boys! Mr. Lumic, I think that’s a vote for free will.
Lumic: I have factories waiting on seven continents. If the earpods have failed then the Cybermen will take humanity by force. London has fallen. So shall the world.
The Doctor: Oh Lumic. You’re a clever man. I’d call you a genius except I’m in the room.
Lumic: What have you done?
The Doctor: I gave them back their souls. And it’s killing them!
The Idiot’s Lantern
Rose: I thought we’d be going for the Vegas era. You know, the white flares and the—rowr—chest hair.
The Doctor: You are kidding aren’t you? You want to see Elvis, you’ve gotta go to the late 50s. Time before burgers, when they called him “The Pelvis” and he still had a waist. What’s more, you see him in style. {he rides out on a moped.} You goin’ my way, doll?
Rose: Is there any other way to go, Daddi-o? Straight from the fridge, man!
The Doctor: Ah, you speak the lingo.
Rose: Yeah, well, me, Mum and Cliff Richard movies every Bank Holiday Monday.
The Doctor: Ah, Cliff. I knew your mother would be a Cliff fan.
Rose: Where are we off to?
The Doctor: Ed Sullivan TV Studios. Elvis did “Hound Dog’ on one of the shows. There were loads of complaints. If we’re in luck, we’ll just catch it.
Rose: And that would be TV studios in what, New York?
The Doctor: That’s the one. {a double-decker bus goes by.}
Rose: Diggin’ that New York vibe.
The Doctor: Well… this could still be New York. I mean, this looks very New York to me. London-y New York, mind. But…
Rose: What are all the flags for?
The Doctor: Oh but this is a brilliant year! Classic! Technicolor. Everest climbed. Everything off the ration. A nation throwing off the shadows of war and looking forward to a happier, brighter future!
The Doctor: Men in black, vanishing police cars. This is Churchill’s England, not Stalin’s Russia.
Rose: Monsters, that boy said. Maybe we should go and ask the neighbors.
The Doctor: That’s what I like about you. The domestic approach.
Rose: Thank you! {pause.} Hold on, was that an insult?
The Doctor: Hold on a minute. You’ve got two hands, Mr. Connolly. Two big hands. Why is it your wife’s job?
Eddie Connolly: It’s housework, innit?
The Doctor: And that’s a woman’s job?
Eddie Connolly: Of course it is.
The Doctor: Mr. Connolly, what gender is the Queen?
Eddie Connolly: She’s a female.
The Doctor: Then are you suggesting the Queen does the housework?
Eddie Connolly: No! not at all!
The Doctor: Then get busy.
The Doctor: Right then. Nice and comfy. At Her Majesty’s leisure. {to Rose} Union flag?
Rose: Mother went out with a sailor.
The Doctor: I bet she did.
Eddie Connolly: I am talking!
The Doctor: And I’m not listening! Now you, Mr. Connolly, you are staring into a deep, dark pit of trouble if you don’t let me help. So I’m ordering you, sir, tell me what’s going on!
The Doctor: Hold on a minute. There are three important, brilliant and complicated reasons why you should listen to me. One— {The officer hits him}. Hell of a right hook! Have to watch out for that.
Detective Inspector Bishop standing over The Doctor: Start from the beginning. Tell me everything you know.
The Doctor: Well. For starters, I know you can’t wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet.
Detective Inspector Bishop: Don’t get clever with me!
The Doctor: I can’t help thinking, Detective Inspector, you’re not doing much detective inspecting. Are you?
Detective Inspector Bishop: Twenty years on the force, I don’t even know where to start. We haven’t the faintest clue what’s going on.
The Doctor: Well. That could change.
Detective Inspector Bishop: How?
The Doctor standing over Bishop: Start from the beginning. Tell me everything you know.
Tommy: We don’t even know where to start looking. It’s too late.
The Doctor: It’s never too late. As a wise person once said. Kylie, I think.
Policeman: Wait wait wait. Where do we think we’re—ah! The Doctor flashes his slightly psychic paper. I’m very sorry, sir. Shouldn’t you be at the coronation?
The Doctor: They’re saving me a seat.
Tommy: Who’d he think you were?
The Doctor checking the paper: The King of Belgium, apparently.
The Doctor: Rubber soles! Swear by them!
The Doctor: What have I missed?
Tommy: Doctor! What happened?
The Doctor: Sorted. Electrical creature. TV technology. Clever alien life form. That’s me, by the way. I turned the transceiver back into a transmitter and I trapped The Wire in here. I just made the home video thirty years early. Betamax. Oh look! God save the Queen, eh?
Rose: Will it… that thing, is it trapped for good on video?
The Doctor: That’s right. Just to be on the safe side though, I’ll use my unrivaled knowledge of transtemporal extirpation methods to neutralize the residual electronic pattern.
Rose: You what?
The Doctor: I’m gonna tape over it.
Rose: Just leave it to me. I’m always doing that.
The Impossible Planet
The Doctor about the TARDIS: I don’t know what’s wrong with her. She’s sort of… queasy. Indigestion, like she didn’t want to land.
Rose: Well if you think there’s gonna be trouble, we could always get back inside and go somewhere else. {they laugh}
The Doctor looking around: I think… we’ve landed inside a cupboard.
The Doctor: Hold on. What does that say? {examines the writing} That’s weird, it won’t translate.
Rose: But I thought the TARDIS translated everything—writing as well. It should say English.
The Doctor: Exactly. If that’s not working then it means this writing is old. Very old. Impossibly old. We should find who’s in charge. We’ve gone beyond the reach of the TARDIS’ knowledge—not a good move.
Jefferson: You’re telling me you don’t know where you are?
The Doctor: No idea. More fun that way.
Scooti Manista: People. Look at that, real people.
The Doctor: That’s us. Hooray!
Ida Scott: …and this, this is home.
Zach: Brace yourselves. The sight of it sends some people mad.
Rose: That’s a black hole.
The Doctor: That’s impossible.
Zach: I did warn you.
The Doctor: We’re standing under a black hole.
Ida Scott: In orbit.
The Doctor: But we can’t be.
Ida: You can see for yourself—we’re in orbit.
The Doctor: But we can’t be!
Ida: This lump of rock is suspended in perpetual geostationary orbit around that black hole without falling in. Discuss.
Rose: And that’s bad, yeah?
The Doctor: Bad doesn’t cover it.
The Doctor: There we go. D’you see? To generate that gravity field and the funnel you’d need a power source with an inverted self-extrapolating reflex of six to the power of six every six seconds.
Rose: That’s a lot of sixes.
The Doctor: And it’s impossible.
Zach: It took us two years to work that out.
The Doctor: I’m very good.
The Doctor: Excuse me, Zach, wasn’t it?
Zach: That’s me.
The Doctor: Just stand there. ‘Cause I’m going to hug you. Is that all right?
Zach: ‘Spose so.
The Doctor: Here we go. Comin’ in! Human Beings. You are amazing. Ha! Thank you.
Zach: Not at all.
The Doctor: But apart from that you’re completely mad. You should pack your bags, get back in that ship and fly for your lives.
Rose: Doctor, the TARDIS is in there, what’s happened?
The Doctor: The TARDIS is gone.
Rose: No signal. That’s the first time I’ve gone out of range. Mind you, even if I could… what would I tell her? Can you build another TARDIS?
The Doctor: They were grown, not built. And with my home planet gone we’re kind of stuck.
Rose: Well, could be worse. This lot said they’d give us a lift.
The Doctor: And then what?
Rose: I don’t know. Find a planet. Get a job. You live a life same as the rest of the Universe.
The Doctor: I’d have to settle down. Get a house or something, a proper house. With… doors and carpets. Me, living in a house. That, that, is terrifying.
Rose: You’d have to get a mortgage.
The Doctor: Rose, you can tell Toby, we’ve found his civilization.
Ida: Well, we’ve come this far. There’s no turning back.
The Doctor: Oh, did you have to? “No turning back.” That’s almost as bad as, “nothing can possibly go wrong” or “This is going to be the best Christmas Walford’s ever had.”
The Doctor: We’ve found something. Looks like metal, like some sort of seal. I’ve got a nasty feeling the word might be “trap door.” Not a good word, “trap door”. Never met a trap door I liked.
The Satan Pit
Ida: What do you think?
The Doctor: He gave an order.
Ida: Yeah but. What do you think?
The Doctor: It said “I am the temptation.”
Ida: But if there’s something in there, why is it still hiding?
The Doctor: Maybe we opened the prison but not the cell.
Ida: We should go down. I’d go. What about you?
The Doctor: Oh! Oh, in a second. But then again… that is so human. “Where angels fear to tread.” Even now, standing on the edge. It’s that feeling you get, hm? Right on the back of your head. That impulse. That strange little impulse. That mad little voice saying, “Go on! Go on. Go on. Go over, go on!” Maybe it’s relying on that. For once in my life, Officer Scott, I’m going to say… retreat.
The Doctor: Oof. Now I know I’m getting old. Rose, we’re coming back.
Best news I heard all day.
The Doctor: What’s strategy nine?
Ida: Open the airlocks. We’ll be safe inside the lockdown. The Ood will get thrown out into the vacuum.
The Doctor: So we’re going back to a slaughter.
Ida: The Devil’s work.
The Doctor: If you really are the Beast then answer me this: which one? Hm? ’Cause the Universe has been busy since you’ve been gone. There’s more religions than there are planets in the sky. The Arkiphets. Quoldonity. Christianity. Pash Pash. Neo-Judaism. Sanklaar. The Church of the Tin Vagabond. Which devil are you?
The Beast (through the Ood): All of them.
The Doctor: What then, you’re the truth behind the myth?
The Beast (through the Ood): This one knows me and I know him. The killer of his own kind.
The Doctor: What does “before time” mean?
The Beast (through the Ood): Before time and light and space and matter. Before the cataclysm. Before this universe was created.
The Doctor: That’s impossible. No life could have existed before then.
The Beast (through the Ood): Is that your religion?
The Doctor: It’s a belief.
The Doctor: That thing is playing on very basic fears. Darkness. Childhood nightmares. All that stuff.
Danny: But that’s how the devil works.
The Doctor: Or a good psychologist.
The Doctor: There it is again. That itch. “Go down go down go down go down.”
Ida: The urge to jump. Do you know wher e it comes from, that sensation? Genetic heritage. Ever since we were primates in the tress. It’s our body’s way of testing us. Calculating whether or not we can reach the next branch.
The Doctor: No, that’s not it. That’s too kind. It’s not the urge to jump, it’s deeper than that. It’s the urge to fall!
Ida: But if this is the original, does that make it real? Does that make it the actual Devil?
The Doctor: Maybe that’s what the Devil is in the end. An idea.
Ida: That’s it. That’s all we’ve got. Are you getting any sort of read out?
The Doctor: Nothing. Could be miles to go yet. Or… could be thirty feet. No way of telling. I could survive thirty feet.
Ida: Oh no you don’t!
Ida: But I don’t want to die on my own.
The Doctor: I know.
The Doctor: Neo-classics. Have they got a Devil?
Ida: No, not as such. Just, um… “the things that men do.”
The Doctor: Same thing in the end.
Ida: What about you?
The Doctor: I… believe. I believe I haven’t seen everything, I don’t know. It’s funny, isn’t it? The things you make up—the rules. If that thing had said it came from beyond the universe I’d believe it, but before the universe… that’s impossible. It doesn’t fit in my rules. Still, that’s why I keep travelling. To be proved wrong. Thank you Ida.
Ida: Don’t go!
The Doctor: If they get back in touch… if you talk to Rose, just tell her… tell her… Oh, she knows.
The Doctor: I accept that you exist. I don’t have to accept what you are, but your physical existence, I give you that.
The Doctor: … The Devil is an idea. In all those civilizations, just an idea. But an idea is hard to kill. An idea could escape. The mind—the mind of the great Beast—the mind can escape! Oh, but that’s it! You didn’t give me air, your jailers did! They set this up! All those years ago! They need me alive. Because if you’re escaping, then I’ve gotta stop you.
If I destroy the prison, your body is destroyed. Your mind with it. But then you’re clever enough to use this whole systen against me. If I destroy this planet I destroy the gravity field. The rocket. The rocket loses protection, falls into the black hole. I’ll have to sacrifice Rose. {the Beast laughs.}
Rose: It doesn’t make sense. We escaped but there’s a thousand ways it could’ve killed us. It could have… ripped out the air, or, I don’t know, burnt us, or anything. But it let us go. Why? Unless it wanted us to escape.
The Doctor: …Except that implies—in this big grand scheme of Gods and Devils—that she’s just a victim. But I’ve seen a lot of this Universe. I’ve seen fake gods and bad gods and demigods and would-be gods. And out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing—just one thing—I believe in her. {he breaks the vase.}
The Doctor: This is your freedom. Free to die! You’re going into that black hole and I’m riding with you!
The Doctor: Sorry about the hijack, Captain. This is the Good Ship TARDIS. Now, first thing’s first. Have you got a Rose Tyler on board?
Rose: I’m here! It’s me! Oh my god! Where are you?
The Doctor: I’m just towing you home. Gravity schmavity. My people practically invented black holes. Well, in fact they did. Couple of minutes we’ll be nice and safe. Oh and Captain, can we do a swap? Say if you give me Rose Tyler I’ll give you Ida Scott. How about that?
Rose: It said I was going to die in battle.
The Doctor: Then it lied. Right! Onwards, upwards! Ida, see you again maybe?
Ida: I hope so.
Rose: And thanks boys!
Ida: Hang on though, Doctor. You never really said. You two, who are you?
The Doctor: Oh… the stuff of legend!
Love & Monsters
The Doctor: You made it worse!
Rose: You said blue!
The Doctor: I said not blue!
The Doctor: Interesting. Some sort of Absorbatrix. Absorba…clon. Absorbaloff.
Abzorbaloff: Abzorbaloff! Yes!
Rose: Is it me or is he a bit… Slitheen?
The Doctor: You’re not from Raxacoricofallapatorius are you?
Abzorbaloff: No! I’m not the swine! I spit on them. I was born on the Twin planet.
The Doctor: Really? What’s the twin planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius?
Abzorbaloff: Clom.
Abzorbaloff: You see I’ve read about you, Doctor. I’ve studied you. So passionate, so sweet. You wouldn’t let an innocent man die. And I’ll absorb him. Unless you give yourself to me.
The Doctor: Sweet, maybe. Passionate, I suppose. But don’t ever mistake that for nice. Do what you want.
Abzorbaloff: He’ll die, Doctor!
The Doctor: I know.
Abzorbaloff: So be it.
The Doctor: Mind you, the others might having something to say.
The Doctor: Elton! Fetch a spade!
Fear Her
The Doctor: It only seems like yesterday a few naked Greek blokes were tossing a diskus about, wrestling with each other in the sand and the crowds stood about— No wait a minute. That was Club Med.
The Doctor: Hm. Tickles.
Father: What’s your game?
The Doctor: My… um. Snakes and Ladders. Quite good at squash, reasonably. I’m being facetious, aren’t I? There’s really no call for it.
Rose: Aren’t you a beautiful boy!
The Doctor: Thanks. I’m experimenting with back-combing {notices Rose talking to the cat}. Oh.
The Doctor: I’m not really a cat person. Once you’ve been threatened by one in a nun’s wimple, it kind of takes the joy out of it.
The Doctor: Hello. I’m the Doctor and this is Rose. Can we see your daughter?
Trish: No, you can’t.
The Doctor: Okay. Bye!
The Doctor: There’s no one to turn to. Because who’s gonna believe the things you see out of the corner of your eye? No one. Except me.
Trish: Who are you?
The Doctor: I’m help.
The Doctor: If living things can become drawings then maybe drawings can become living things.
Rose: But maybe that’s why Chloe feels so alone. ‘Cause she has all these terrible dreams about her dad, but she can’t talk to you about them.
The Doctor: Her and the Isolus… two lonely kids who need each other.
Rose: And it won’t stop, will it, Doctor? It’ll just keep pulling kids in.
The Doctor: It’s desperate to be loved. It’s used to a pretty big family.
Rose: How big?
The Doctor: Say around… four billion?
Rose: I’ve got cousins. Kids can’t have it all their own way. That’s part of being a family.
The Doctor: What about trying to understand them?
Rose: Easy for you to say. You don’t have kids.
The Doctor: I was a dad once.
Rose: What did you say?
The Doctor: Everything’s coming up Doctor!
The Doctor: I cannot stress this enough. Ballbearings you can eat—masterpiece!
Rose: You know what? They keep on trying to split us up but they never ever will.
The Doctor: Never say never ever.
Rose: Nah, we’ll aways be okay, you and me. Don’t you reckon Doctor?
The Doctor: There’s something in the air. There’s something coming.
Rose: What?
The Doctor: A storm’s approaching.
Army of Ghosts
Jackie: But you can see them. They look human.
Rose: She’s got a point. They are sort of blurred, but they’re definitely people.
The Doctor: Maybe not. They’re pressing themselves into the surface of the world. But a footprint doesn’t look like a boot.
Rose: According to the paper, they’ve elected a ghost as MP for Leeds. Now don’t tell me you’re going to sit back and do nothing.
The Doctor: Who you gonna call?
Rose: Ghostbusters!
The Doctor: I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.
The Doctor: Hm. There goes the advantage of surprise. Still, cuts to the chase. Stay here, look after Jackie.
Rose: I’m not looking after my mum.
The Doctor: Well you brought her.
Jackie: I was kidnapped!
Rose: Doctor, they’ve got guns.
The Doctor: And I haven’t. Which makes me the better person, don’t you think? They can shoot me dead but the moral high ground is mine.
The Doctor: This is a Void ship.
Yvonne: And what is that?
The Doctor: Well it’s impossible, for starters. I always thought it was just a theory, but…. It’s a vessel designed to exist outside time and space. Traveling through the Void.
Rajesh Singh: And what’s the Void?
The Doctor: The space between dimensions. There’s all sorts of realities around us—different dimensions. Billions of parallel universes all stacked up against each other. The Void is in between, containing absolutely nothing. Imagine that—no light, no dark, no up, no down. No life. No time. Without end. My people called it The Void, the Eternals called it The Howling. But some people call it Hell.
The Doctor: You built a skyscraper just to reach a spatial disturbance. How much money have you got?
Yvonne: Enough.
The Doctor: So you find the breach, probe it, the sphere comes through. Six hundred feet above London. Bam! It
leaves a hole in the fabric of reality. And that hole, you think, “Oh, should we leave it alone? Should we back off? Should we play it safe? Nah!” you think, “Let’s make it bigger!”
Yvonne: Well if that’s Rose Tyler, who’s she?
Jackie: I’m her mother.
Yvonne: Oh, you travel with her mother?
Jackie: He kidnapped me.
The Doctor: Please, when Torchwood comes to write my complete history, don’t tell people I traveled through time and space with her mother.
Yvonne: They’re invading the whole planet.
The Doctor: It’s not an invasion. It’s too late for that. It’s a victory.
Doomsday
Cyberman: I ordered surrender.
The Doctor: They’re not taking instructions! They understand. You’re on every street. You’re in their homes. You’ve got their children. Of course they’re going to fight!
Cyberman: You are proof.
The Doctor: Of what?
Cyberman: That emotions destroy.
The Doctor: Yeah, I am. Mind you, I quite like hope. Hope’s a good emotion. And here it comes. Jake comes into the world
Pete: Look at it. A world of peace. They’re calling this the Golden Age.
The Doctor: Who’s the president now?
Pete: A woman called Harriet Jones.
The Doctor: I’d keep an eye on her.
Pete: Doctor, help us.
The Doctor: What? Close the breach? Stop the Cybermen? Defeat the Daleks? Do you believe I can do that?
Pete: Yes.
The Doctor: Maybe that’s all I need. Off we go then!
The Doctor: Jackie Andrea Suzanne Tyler.
Pete: She’s not my wife.
The Doctor: I was at the wedding. You got her name wrong.
The Doctor: Mickey! Nice to see you.
Mickey: Nice to see you, boss.
The Doctor: We’ve got to see what it’s doing. We’re going to go back up! All of you, top floor!
Jackie: That’s 45 floors up. Believe me, I’ve done them all!
Jake popping out of the elevator: We could always take the lift.
Mickey: The Time Lords put the Daleks in there? What for?
The Doctor: It’s a prison ship.
Rose: How many in there?
The Doctor: Millions.
Rose: I’m just supposed to go?
The Doctor: Yeah
Rose: To another world and then it gets sealed off.
The Doctor: Yeah.
Rose: Forever. That’s not going to happen.
The Doctor: You’re dead. Officially, back home. So many people went missing that day. You’re listed among the dead.
Rose: Am I ever going to see you again?
The Doctor: You can’t.