Nick: You know, I always noticed that the day after we have Salisbury Steak, we always have hamburgers. But then the day after that we always have meatball heroes. And a few days after that we have meatloaf. So is it the same meat? Are you guys recycling the meat?
Lunchlady: It’s different meat.
Nick: I guess you would have to say that, right? I’ll have the salad.
Lunchlady: Excellent choice, sir.
Daniel: Some Salisbury dog meat for us, please.
Mr. Weir: Sam, who’s your favorite Angel?
Sam: I like Bosley.
Mr. Weir: Bosley? Nobody watches this show for Bosley.
Sam: He’s funny.
Mr. Weir: Yeah, well he’s no Kate Jackson I’ll tell you that much.
Neal: See Sam, those are the kind of women you should be going for. The Cindy Sanders of this world are just hors d’oeuvres. Vicky is a five-course meal.
Nick: Do you guys have any pot?
Daniel: No.
Ken: The cupboard is bare, man.
Nick: Yeah? I’m running out really quick. I’ve been rationing all week. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Daniel: Um. Not be stoned?
Daniel: The guy’s turning into a wastebasket.
Ken: No kidding.
Daniel: Just look at him. He’s a freakin’ mess.
Ken: You are holding out on us!
Daniel: Of course.
Miss Foote (Leslie Mann): And George Washington Carver had many accomplishments. But he was best known for his work with the peanut. And for being Bill’s mortal enemy.
Miss Foote: You know Bill, you’re not a geek.
Bill: Tell that to the rest of the world.
Lindsay: I don’t smoke pot.
Nick: Come on, what’s the big deal? It’s from the earth, it’s natural. Why would it be there if we weren’t supposed to smoke it?
Lindsay: Dog crap is here and we don’t smoke that.
Bill: Are you guys gonna eat with me?
Sam: Yeah. Why?
Bill: I don’t know, I just thought maybe I was too geeky to eat with.
Neal: Well you are, but we’re too hungry to care.
Neal: Sam, could you not use the word “die” in a hospital?
Sam: You asked if he was still alive.
Neal: That’s an optimist question. Alive is good. Dying is bad. Trust me on this, my dad’s a dentist.
Daniel: Mr. Rosso, I told you. I was just trying to get rid of my weed.
Mr. Rosso: How dumb do I look?
Ken: Do you really wanna know?
Mr. Rosso: I could have you expelled for this. But I’m going to give you a break. Learn from Frank. Or you’ll be Frank. It’s your choice.
Daniel: Frank.
Mr. Rosso: Do we understand each other?
Ken: As much as that’s possible.
Nick: What do people do when they’re not stoned?
Ken: I don’t know. Relate to one another.
Daniel: I don’t wanna relate to anybody.
Nick: I wanna relate to Lindsay.
Millie: You’re high!
Lindsay: What?
Millie: You’re on the pot!
Lindsay: How could you tell?
Millie: I’m not dumb, Lindsay. I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.
Millie: I’ll go with you, but only for the safety of the child.
Lindsay: Thank you, Millie.
Millie: No. Thank your dealer.
Lindsay: We’re all unhappy. That’s the thing about life, Millie. That’s the horrible thing about life.
Millie: I’m not unhappy.
Lindsay: Yes you are. We all are.
Millie: Well, not like you guys.
Lindsay: Why not?
Millie: Because. I know God’s taking care of me.
Lindsay: I don’t believe in God.
Millie: I know. That’s why you’re unhappy. That’s why you’re stoned.
Lindsay: I love you Millie. Why aren’t we friends anymore?
Millie: I thought we were friends.