Ken: We’re gonna blow the roof off his garage in the most rock-tagious way.
Neal: I hate being in school after it’s out. Makes me feel like a janitor.
Sam: What’s so great about him anyway?
Neal: It’s the hair.
Mr. Weir: I could call the police. Do you know that? I could call the police and report this as grand theft auto. I can send my own daughter to you. You know that?
Lindsay: I’m so sorry, Daddy.
Mr. Weir: You know what? I don’t think I believe anything you say anymore. Why should I? You’re grounded. I can’t even tell you for how long.
Lindsay: I’m sick of you guys getting me in trouble all the time. I’m sick of you guys period.
Daniel: Maybe you’re just on your period.
Lindsay: Yeah, Daniel. That’s exactly it. I’m on my period. You figured it out.
Daniel: It was a joke.
Lindsay: Oh. Sorry. It’s hard to pick up on the subtlety of your wit.
Daniel: You know, who asked her to hang out with us anyways? Like we need her little judgments all the time.
Kim: My life ain’t a lost cause, you know. Her’s is.
Ken: She’s just a big baby. I told you that from day one. It’s like hanging out with my grandma.
Daniel: Yeah. Well. Little Miss Perfect doesn’t know what I’m going to do with my life. She doesn’t know what my plans are.
Ken: What the hell are your plans?
Daniel: I got a lot of plans.
Ken: Like?
Daniel: What are you, my guidance counselor?
Nick: You guys, I’m telling you. It’s not about the accident. Lindsay’s depressed that I broke up with her. She’s gotta get over it, you know?
Kim: Yeah Nick. Sure.
Harris: It’s an interesting look, Sam.
Neal: Nah. Your hair’s not long enough to pull that off.
Bill: I think it looks weird. Like you’re trying to be all fancy.
Gordon: I don’t think you should worry about how you look, Sam. My mom always says you should be happy with what the good Lord gave you.
Bill: Yeah, well the good Lord gave you a lot, Gordon.
Sam: Bill!
Gordon: My whole family’s big-boned. It’s genetic.
Harris: Besides, the world loves jolly fat guys. Burl Ives. Jackie Gleason.
Gordon: Santa Claus. Curly. Raymond Burr.
Neal: No. Raymond Burr isn’t jolly.
Gordon: Well he was extremely nice to me at last year’s auto show.
Neal: You look like your mother dresses you.
Sam: Hey. Well, at least I don’t look like a ventriloquist’s dummy.
Neal: Don’t kill the messenger. I know I look good.
Salesman: I’ve got a question for you: do you want to be a stud, or do you want to be a super stud?
Bill: Super stud, Sam! Go for super stud!
Kowchevski: Ladies, please! This is just for tomorrow’s scrimmage. This isn’t the last chopper out of Saigon. So can we please just crank down the drama a notch, okay?
Millie: You think Mr. Kowchevski will move you to first block?
Lindsay: He better. If I’m going to be on he Mathletes I’m going to be number one or else I’m not going to do it.
Mrs. Weir: Lindsay, you’ve been studying non-stop. Why don’t you take a little break.
Lindsay: Mom! I can’t. Not if I want to win.
Mrs. Weir: Lindsay, there is more to life than competition.
Lindsay: Not if you want to wipe out Shelley Weaver.
Mrs. Weir: Ah. Is she from Lincoln?
Lindsay: No. She’s on our team.
Mrs. Weir: Hey Lindsay, are you having fun?
Lindsay: Yeah. Of course I am.
Neal: I’m telling you, you can light them. It’s methane.
Bill: Yeah, but what if the flame goes back inside? Do you explode?
Neal: Oh my god. Guess Elvis hasn’t left the building.
Bill: Hey, don’t make fun of him. That’s a Parisian night suit in case you didn’t know.
Gordon: A Parisian? Ooh la la!
Neal: No. It’s a jumpsuit. My grandpa in Fort Lauderdale wears them all the time because he’s too lazy to put on pants.
Neal: Why did you buy that?
Sam: Hey, you’re the one that said I should dress better.
Neal: Yeah, I didn’t say you should dress like Evel Knievel.
Bill: You guys, I think we’re directing more attention to us by doing this.
Gordon: This is cool. I feel like I’m in the secret service.
Harris: You’re not going to beat me up are you?
Daniel: No. What are you reading?
Harris: The monster manual. It’s the Dungeons and Dragons Handbook. Do you play?
Daniel: No.
Harris: You should. You’d make a good Dungeon Master. I can tell.
Daniel: Oh yeah? Thanks. Can I ask you something?
Harris: Sure.
Daniel: What do you make of me?
Harris: Excuse me?
Daniel: Well if someone asked you, “What do you think of Daniel Desario?” what would you say? Would you he’s a loser?
Harris: No, You’re not a loser because you have sex. But if you weren’t having sex then we could definitely debate the issue.
Sam: Mr. Rosso, I dressed up to impress Cindy Sanders.
Mr. Rosso: Sam, some of my friends are the dirtiest, stinkiest guys you’ll ever meet. But they date more women than you or I could ever hope for. It’s all about confidence. It’s true.
Ken: Hey, I didn’t get all gussied up to sit here alone, man!