Nick: Hey Lindsay, do you ever think about heavy stuff?
Lindsay: Heavy stuff?
Nick: Like death or the meaning of life.
Lindsay: Well yeah. My grandmother died I was pretty depressed. I took it pretty hard—
Nick: Yeah yeah. I knew that you were like me. I can’t even talk to those other guys. Ken and Daniel? They’re jokers. They don’t think about the meaning of life and they don’t think about why we’re here and they don’t think about the point of it all. They don’t, they don’t think about the point of it all.
Lindsay: Are you stoned?
Nick: A little bit. You wanna smoke?
Lindsay: No thanks.
Daniel: I’m so sick of all this rah-rah stuff. These jocks think they’re such bad asses. Walking around like they cured cancer.
Kim: The last time Nick got dumped he kinda went a little berserk.
Lindsay: You mean Heidi Henderson?
Kim: He told you about that? No. What happened?
Lindsay: No. Nothing. I mean I don’t even know really.
Cindy: Do remember how I told you I had a crush on Todd?
Sam: Yeah.
Cindy: Well I don’t.
Sam: You don’t?
Cindy: No. It’s not like a crush. It’s like an obsession.
Sam: Why does Cindy like him? He’s such a jerk. He’s not even nice to her.
Neal: Cheerleaders have to date athletes. It’s the law.
Sam: Hey Cindy. How’s it going?
Not good. Our mascot broke his arm and he got a concussion too. And now his mom won’t let go to bed tonight ’cause she’s afraid he’s gonna slip into a coma.
Bill: My cousin slipped into a coma once. And then when he woke up he spoke fluent Spanish.
Bill: Sam, I think that was a subliminal message. She wants you to be the new mascot.
Sam: What?
Bill: “We really need a new mascot.” “I really need a new mascot.” “I really need Sam to be the new mascot.”
Sam: You really think I should try out?
Bill: Open your eyes Sam! I mean that was the biggest come-on I’ve ever seen. She was practically feeling you up.
Neal: Being the school mascot has always been my dream.
Bill: Yeah. Since lunch.
Mr. Weir: I’m a member of the Rotary, you know. And the masons. And councilman Applebee just last week asked me to run for the school board.
Lindsay: That’s great Dad.
Mr. Weir: I could be the mayor and I wouldn’t get any respect around this house.
Sam: Think there’s a subliminal message in there somewhere?
Bill: For your sake, I hope not.
Vicki: The next high school mascot will be… Sam Weir.
Colin: It’s all politics!
Daniel: This place is turning into a cult.
Ken: I’d hate to be that guy’s drum set tonight.
Herbert (Shia LaBeouf): Hey Sam. When you’re climbing ’em, be careful not to pull their hair. Because they’ll jerk up. Okay? And when you’re climbing them, be careful not to pull their bra straps. ‘Cause they’ll wiggle and you’ll fall.
Sam: Alright.
Herbert: Alright. Now if you fall, be careful to cover your head so you don’t break your neck, okay?
Sam: Perverts! Do you mind?
Daniel: Man, I love the smell of gasoline.
Kim: Yeah? It gives you brain damage.
Kim: Man, I’m soaked! Will you do something, Daniel?
Daniel: Yeah? What do you want me to do? Blow on you?
Ken: That better have been water. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Sam: Hey Dad, I think Cindy Sanders likes me.
Mr. Weir: Oh yeah?
Sam: Yeah. I got to form a human pyramid on top of her.
Mr. Weir: Well. That’ll do it.
Neal demonstrates his dance moves
Bill: Hula Dancer Norseman?
Neal: Yes! A Norseman in Hawaii. That’s funny!
Bill: I can’t be seen with you.
Kim: Come on, Daniel. Kick his ass!
Lincoln Kid: Kick my ass?
Daniel: Tell my mother that I love her.
Cindy: Sam just because you’re nervous about the big game it doesn’t mean you have to take it out on me and Todd.
Neal: Sam, hand me the head of that Norseman.
Mrs. Weir: How you holdin’ up?
Nick: Okay.
Mrs. Weir: I am so sorry about everything. You know, Lindsay really does care about you. She told me so last night. She just feels overwhelmed right now. She needs her space, you know.
Nick: Is that what she said?
Mrs. Weir: Uh, didn’t— didn’t Lindsay talk to you?
Nick: Yeah, she talked to me.
Mrs. Weir: Didn’t you talk to Nick this morning?
Lindsay: Why? What’d you say to him?
Mrs. Weir: Well I was just trying to be nice and, uh…
Lindsay: Mom, did you just break up with my boyfriend?
Daniel: Go McKinley! Shut ’em down! Lincoln, you suck!
Mrs. Weir: Sammy’s so cute.
Mr. Weir: Well he may be cute but that mascot head’s disturbing.
Cheerleader: Hey! That’s my bra strap!
Norseman Neal: No, it’s the team’s bra strap.
Vicki: There he is. Get him girls!
Neal: Oh god! I’m a bleeder!