Season One
December 31, 1999
Phillip J. Fry (Billy West): Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
Fry: Hello! Pizza delivery for a… {checking} I.C. Wiener? Oh crud. I always thought by this point in my life I’d be the one making the crank calls. Here’s to another lousy millennium.
Fry: Can I ask you a question?
Turanga Leela (Katey Sagal): As long as it’s not about my eye.
Fry: Woah. A real live robot! Or is that some sort of cheesy New Years costume?
Bender Bending Rodriguez (John DiMaggio): Bite my shiny metal ass.
Fry: It doesn’t look so shiny to me.
Bender: Shinier than yours, meat bag.
Bender: You really want a robot for a friend?
Fry: Ever since I was six.
Crater Face: I’ll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir.
Bender: Better mascots than you have tried.
Leela about Ralph Cramden: Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.
Fry: That’s not an astronaut, it’s a TV comedian. And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.
10 Home
20 Sweet
30 Go to 10
Bender: I’ve got what they call “gaydar”.
Leela: There’s no such thing.
Bender: No. {pulls out a radar} Okay, I got a lock on him. Yep! He’s gay.
Amy Wong (Lauren Tom): Are you sure?
Bender: Definitely. Unless I’m getting interference from a gay weather balloon.
Bender: So what’s your problem? It’s not like you slept with him. {silence} Oh my god.
Fry: Oh. How could you, Leela. I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he’s a big dumb gross gorilla.
Leela: That’s enough. Don’t you think I feel bad enough already?
Fry: No.
Fry: Do you take Visa?
Salesman: Visa hasn’t existed for 500 years.
Fry: American Express?
Salesman: 600 years.
Fry: Discover Card?
Salesman: Mm, sorry. We don’t take Discover.
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth (Billy West): Good news, everyone.
Bender: Uh oh. I don’t like the sound of that.
Tress MacNeille