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Yes, Then Zero
Louis: How does it feel to be home?
Blair: Oh, it’s going to be tough reacclimating after living in a palace. How will the penthouse do? But maybe we should skip the wedding planning and pull the blinds and just spend the day in bed.
Louis: We did that all summer. But we can’t put off our parents any longer. Would a present help motivate you downstairs?
Blair: How did you know just what I was missing. Shall I wear it to your uncle’s speech at the General Assembly tomorrow?
Louis: Unfortunately you will not be allowed inside until you are an official member of the royal family. Consider yourself lucky. [?] speeches are stronger than Ambien.
Princess Sophie (Joanne Whalley): I see from your list of demands, Blair—
Eleanor: Demands?
Princess Sophie: —that you would like to have peonies in your bridal bouquet.
Blair: They’re my favorite flower.
Princess Sophie: And they are very beautiful, but in our country a bride always walks with carnations.
Blair: To the nearest florist and demands a refund. I’ll be holding peonies.
Princess Sophie: I know this is very short notice, but not to worry. My dress is on the way.
Blair: Your dress?
Princess Sophie: Everybody else has been married in this dress, from my great grandmother on.
Blair: Louis, I already lost on the food and the flowers and the font. You know how important choosing my dress is for me.
Blair: What’s wrong, Dorota?
Dorota: Nothing. Prosecco?
Blair: No thank you. I think I need all my wits for the next round.
Blair: The first meeting was a disaster, S! He conceded to Sophie on everything. It was so out of control you would have thought he was Italian.
Serena: Well finding a balance between your mother and your fiance has got to be tough. I’m sure he’s just trying to keep the peace the best he can.
Blair: Stop being so rational and trying to see both sides. I haven’t even told you the worst part yet. They want me to wear Sophie’s dress. Not just on the day, but in Vogue Paris too. Hand-me-downs are for charity and second children.
Blair: Aren’t you done out there? Los Angeles is a plastic surgery layover, not somewhere you live.
Blair: It’s okay, I accept.
Louis: Accept what?
Blair: Your apology. {the dress comes in}. You didn’t talk to your mother.
Louis: It’s just so hard to say no to her.
Blair: We’re going to be married in three months. I need to know that we’re in this together and I’m not just standing here alone.
Louis: You’re not. I’m right here.
Blair: Those are just words. I need proof.
Louis: You’re right. The dress discussion can wait until tomorrow. But tonight, I show my mother that you come first.
Blair: Louis told me he would stand up to his mother tonight. So if he does, everything can continue the way it’s meant to. And if he doesn’t, he and his mother will have a lovely wedding in November without a bride. Or she can just take my place, which seems to be what she wants. Wish me luck.
Eleanor: Darling, is the stress of the wedding getting to you? Testing a good man who loves you never ends well.
Blair: I can’t even believe I’m answering this call.
Louis: I’m so sorry, Blair. Something’s come up that’s taking me longer than anticipated. It looks like I won’t make it to the [?].
Blair: You’re going vague on this one? Something’s come up? Why don’t you admit that you’re already at the UN with your mother instead of lying.
Louis: I’m not. I wish I could tell you where I am, but I made a promise.
Blair: And we know how you honor the promises you make. As long as they’re not to me. Tell your mother congratulations. She won.
Louis: What are you talking about?
Dan: Blair. What are you doing here? Did Louis—
Blair: I didn’t know where else to go. I wasn’t going to come here. I haven’t talked to you all summer and you’re the only person I know in New York right now. And I really need a friend. If you’re still…
Of course I am. What’s going on?
Blair: I am about to call off my engagement. I can’t marry someone who doesn’t stand up for me. Not even to his own mother. And when I tell him it’s over, I’ll need to get away. To clear my head. You were in the Hamptons?
Dan: Ah, Amagansett. Cece’s house.
Blair: Is it empty? Take me there.
Dan: Okay.
Blair: I don’t understand, are you following me now?
Louis: No Blair.
Blair: Actually, it’s fine if you are. Because I can do this in person then.
Dan: Louis is not here for you.
Blair: He’s not? What the hell’s going on?
Dan: Louis didn’t meet you tonight because he was helping me.
Gossip Girl: Lonely Boy learning three words, eight letters don’t come out right when no one wants to hear them.
Blair: Come on, Louis. Let’s go. I’m done here.
Blair: What? Oh. No. Is it my hair?
Eleanor: I didn’t want to say anything in front of Louis but I found something hidden in the pantry. Is this why you have been acting so strange about Louis? Is there something you need to tell me?
Seamstress: Do they know?
Blair: Know what?
Seamstress: How far along you are? I’d say six weeks. He sent me your measurements.
View all quotes from Yes, Then Zero
Beauty and the Feast
Gossip Girl: Rise and shine, Upper East Siders. It’s time for your annual checkup. Lucky for you, doctors take their confidentiality seriously around here.
Blair: Are you sure this doctor is reputable? Your prenatal care is imperative.
Dorota: You never care about my womb before.
Blair: I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.
Dorota: Yes you do. You are pregnant too! We are like sisters now. Cousins. Distant cousins. Miss Blair, why you not say you are—
Blair: Do not utter the word. No one must know. At least until I have some time to figure things out.
Dan: I was wondering if you could share some of your bank-breaking secrets with me.
Serena: Well I thought you did all of your scheming with Blair.
Dan: No, she’s not speaking to me.
Blair: I don’t understand. How am I to become an icon of style and taste if I can only where a burkha?
Princess Beatrice: I’m sorry, the dress code is mandated.
Blair: So you get to be Balmain and I get to be Barbara Bush?
Blair: Your people were bred to work through these conditions and give birth in a field.
Dorota: No fields in Krakow. And I have birthing suite at Lennox Hill.
Blair to the Virgin Mary: Thank you. I will never question the paternity of your child again.
Dan: Blair, hey. Listen, I know you don’t want to see me now, probably not ever. But I’m not here to cause problems. I can’t say the same about Chuck. Have you seen him?
Blair: Walk with me.
Dan: What’s going on? Blair, I thought you were mad at me.
Blair: And you have my forgiveness if you shut up and guard the door.
Dan: It’s not like you to forgive me, or run away from a feast. Might this have something to do with you sleeping with Chuck?
Blair: How in the world did you know that? Forget it, I don’t even have time to care. What don’t you understand about “guard the door”?
Dan: I can’t believe that I thought you changed last year. And since you didn’t, Chuck is now going off the deep end trying to get your attention. Again.
Blair: No. Now that’s where you’re wrong. Whatever he’s doing isn’t about me. He was the who told me to marry Louis. And he meant it.
Blair: Now you’re going to be sorry you didn’t guard.
Dan: Woah. You’re gonna go? With me in here? I’m not sure our friendship can handle that.
Blair: Friendship is a tenuous term. Now be a gentleman and run the water.
Dan: Blair, this isn’t a joke. We are not leaving this room until you agree to get help.
Blair: I don’t need help. I’m not bulimic. I’m pregnant.
Blair: Beatrice. You have to understand, it’s still so early. I didn’t want to get Louis’ hopes up if things weren’t okay. I was going to tell him.
Louis walking up: What were you going to tell me?
About her wonderful idea, Louis.
Blair: I have so many.
Dan: Mm.
Dan: If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re starting to like Brooklyn.
Blair: It isn’t Brooklyn I’m here for. You’re the only person I can have a furtive, emotionally-loaded conversation with right now. How’s Chuck?
Dan: Ah… he’s okay. Sort of. A long, Freudian story. How are you?
Blair: Pregnant. That makes it sound more real. I had hoped denial would last longer as a coping mechanism, but breast tenderness and morning sickness made that impossible.
Dan: You know, you do have options.
Blair: And I’ve considered them all. But no matter what, this baby was conceived out of love and… I’m gonna keep it.
Dan: Um, have you not told Louis because it might be Chuck’s?
Dan: Even Blair Waldorf can not bend DNA to her will.
Blair: I am about to marry a fabulous man. Who happens to be a prince. I can’t be this close to having all my dreams come true only to have them yanked away by one transgression at a stranger’s Bar Mitzvah.
Dan: I know it’s scary, but I think you should know who the father is. If not for yourself then for the baby.
Blair: And what if I loss everything?
Dan: You’ll still have me.
View all quotes from Beauty and the Feast
The Jewel of Denial
Blair: Go away! I’m preparing for my interview with Hello magazine.
Dorota: But doctor office call again. They have test results.
Blair: Hang up or I’ll tell the reporter you’re undocumented.
Blair: You’re back! I thought I’d lost you to the land of pole-dancing classes and gluten-free foods.
Blair: The results of this test could alter the course of my life. You want me to face that in front of pigeons and street vendors?
Blair: I can’t face the press if I’ve just heard unsettling news. I need to look like Grace Kelly, not Grace Cottington.
Dan: I have to manage some business of my own, but go do your interview. I’ll meet you back at your apartment.
Blair: That is much more civilized. Unlike your hair, Humphrey. You look like a muppet.
Blair: Mention that name and you’ll be exiled and forced to work in someplace terrible. Like the Upper West Side! And you know what happens to housekeepers there.
Dorota: Zabar Zombies.
Blair: Excuse me. I’m Blair Waldorf. Where should I report for hair and makeup?
Joanna: Oh. I was told you wouldn’t be participating.
Blair: And now you’re being told differently. Keep up.
Charlie: I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland.
Blair: Manhattan will do that to a girl. You’ll be happy to know, it never wears off.
Blair: Forget what your mother wants, Charlie. It’s your life. What do you want?
Dan: Blair, we need to talk. Mind if I take over from here?
Simon Doonan: Not at all.
Blair: Well I mind. Humphreys are not escort material.
Dan: Blair, I’m sorry. I was totally out of line. The truth is I think I’ve been using you to avoid facing some problems of my own. I promised to hold your hand but maybe I’ve been forcing it.
Blair: No. I turned to you, Dan. Because I knew you were the only one who would protect me from my own worst instincts.
Dan: For what it’s worth, when Georgina showed up on my doorstep and told me she was pregnant, I mean the last thing I wanted to be was a father. But then Milo was born and I fell in love with him. Chuck or Louis. It’ll be the same for either of them.
Blair: And if I open that envelope, will you be able to hide from your problems then?
Dan: I think if you have the courage to face your future then I should have the courage to face mine. {He hands her the envelope and gives her some privacy.}
Blair: I need to talk to you.
Chuck: I thought we said everything we needed to say last time we saw each other.
Blair: Chuck…
Chuck: If this is another misguided attempt by Dan to make me feel something…
Blair: I’m pregnant. It’s Louis’s. I didn’t want you to find out from someone else and wonder if the baby was yours.
Chuck: That’s very considerate.
Blair: Yes. Well. If I know anything about Chuck Bass, it’s that fatherhood isn’t part of the lifestyle.
Chuck: You must have very been relieved when you realized you weren’t carrying my offspring. It certainly would have derailed your fairytale.
Blair: This fairytale is complicated. {the dog wanders in}.
Chuck: Blair. Meet my dog, Monkey.
Blair: There was a part of me that really wanted it to be yours.
Louis: You’re pregnant? You’re pregnant!
Blair: Oh, you’re happy.
View all quotes from The Jewel of Denial
Memoirs of an Invisible Dan
Blair: I now understand why women used to go into confinement. It wasn’t because of modesty, but vanity. My boobs. Oh, I’m huge!
Louis: Sorry, darling. I was just reading about how some pregnant women have mood swings. Apparently they didn’t know you before pregnancy.
Louis: You look gorgeous. I can’t wait to tell the whole world the good news.
Blair: Me too.
Blair: You don’t think your family’s going to be upset, do you? I don’t want them to think of me as the star of some trashy MTV show like, “Unmarried and Pregnant Princesses” or, I don’t know, “Royally Screwed.”
Louis: My mother will be over-the-moon. The job of any princess is to provide an heir to the kingdom. And that is exactly what you are doing.
Blair: An heir to a kingdom lives within me. How very Shakespeare.
Louis: Comedy not a tragedy, I hope.
Diana: If only we had Blair Waldorf’s phone.
Nate: I told you, she’s my friend and my friends are off-limits.
Diana: Morals. How quaint.
Blair: Do you know what this summoning is about?
Chuck: I do, but I can’t say. I’m sworn to secrecy.
Blair: Since when do you bite your tongue?
Chuck: I’m learning.
Blair: Well isn’t Humphrey becoming quite the drama queen.
Chuck: Isn’t that usually your role?
Blair: I prefer drama princess now.
Chuck: How are you, by the way?
Blair: I’m okay. Thanks for asking.
Nate: What are you guys doing here?
Blair: We must have all gotten the same text from Dan.
Rufus: The last time he was this secretive he showed up with a baby.
Chuck: Don’t worry, you’re not about to become a grandfather. Though Dan is about to give birth in another way.
Serena walking in: Okay, I’m pretty sure this is how every murder mystery begins.
Dan: Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for coming.
Serena: I only have five minutes.
Blair: This better be really important.
Nate: What is this all about?
Lily: Is everything all right?
Charlie: This isn’t about me, right?
Rufus: Yeah. What’s going on, Dan?
Chuck: This is going to be fun.
Dan: I’m sorry to call everyone here on such short notice, but… Alright, you know how there’s been all this speculation about the book that’s being published by an anonymous author.
Nate: Yeah. Gossip Girl said it was about us.
Blair: Yeah, it was probably written by some loser who doesn’t even know us.
Dan: Well not exactly. I am that loser. I wrote it. And it is based on you. All of you. Sort of.
Blair: So. now that this unnecessary meeting about America’s future doorstop is adjourned, do you want to go grab a cup of decaf?
Serena: I would love to, B, but I’m already late for work. I’ve gotta get back.
Blair: Well maybe after work then.
Serena: If this is about the book, don’t worry. Everyone loves a villain.
Dan: I wouldn’t say there’s a villain, per se.
Blair: Well I can tell you who isn’t.
Serena: Come on, every girl needs to be knocked off her pedestal a little. Can’t handle that kind of pressure. I’ll see you later.
Dan: Um, you know that story I wrote that Louis killed.
Blair: It’s in the book. Yeah, I figured. But if it’s all the same to you, I think I’d like to stay in the dark about just how nastily you’ve portrayed me.
Dan: Yeah, that’s a good idea. You know, we’re just recently friends again. Why ruin a good thing.
Blair: Yep. And, ah, I’m sorry in advance, but I have a better offer than your party tonight. Louis and I are telling our families the news.
Dan: Good luck.
Blair: You too. Your novel seems to be very well-punctuated and I… like the font.
Louis: But the way you said he made you in that story. If there’s an entire book it could be terrible.
Blair: Look,
I would expect nothing less. I was mean to him on the steps of the Met. I bad-mouthed him repeatedly to his dream girl. I tried to undermine him at W. I’m sure he’s brutal. He may be calling this a novel, but I know just how little imagination he really has. It’s a memoir masquerading as fiction. A reverse James Frey.
Louis: So you’re going to read it?
Blair: No no. And you shouldn’t either. Look, that book has nothing to do with us and the family we’re building. Whatever is in there, even if it is the truth, it’s in the past.
Blair: Louis just lied to me about his family.
Dorota: How you know?
Blair: My outfit for tonight’s announcement included a pair of crocodile Alaias. You can’t wear such a beautiful shoe if there’s even a hint of a sprinkle outside. So of course I checked the weather. Clear from Monaco to Manhattan.
Dorota: Maybe have something to do with Lonely Boy book. Louis was reading while you sleep. He did not look happy.
Blair: I told him not to read it. It’s not like there’s anything in it that he doesn’t know about me. {she starts reading}. Oh my god. I’m going to kill Dan Humphrey.
Serena: Hey, do you know where Dan is? Can you believe what he wrote about me?
Chuck: Which part? Sabrina is glamorous, sexy, beautiful.
Serena: Selfish, insensitive, shallow.
Chuck: I can tell you from experience, everyone loves a villain.
Serena: Yeah, I told Blair the same thing. But then I realized if that’s true, why are you always alone?
Blair: Not one word! Have you seen Dan?
Serena: No, have you?
Both: Did you see what he wrote me?!
Serena: No, I didn’t have time to read all of it. Just the parts about me.
Blair: Me too.
Chuck: Check the study.
Serena: I could lose my job over this.
Blair: I could lose my fiancée.
Serena: Is this what you’ve been trying to tell me all day?
Blair: No, because it never happened. {to Louis} It never happened!
Louis: I don’t believe a word you say! You said yourself that Dan has no imagination.
Dan: Okay, thanks. But Louis, it didn’t happen.
Blair: You’d better hope I can stop your fantasy life from destroying my real one.
Dan: Blair, I never wanted us to come between you too.
Blair: When are you going to get it through your head? There’s no us! There never was. There’s nothing here but friendship, and even that’s gone now.
Blair: I wish I was telling you this at a better time, but… I’m pregnant.
Serena: What? Oh my gosh, Blair! That’s amazing. Wait, that’s good news, right?
Blair: Well I was happy. So happy. But now, what if I’m in this alone.
Serena: No. You’re not alone. Ever.
Blair: Louis—
Louis: Don’t. I’m ashamed enough of my behavior. I know you have a complicated past, but you’ve been honest about it. It’s hard for me. I want to believe, but every time I turn it seems there’s another secret.
Blair: That night at Constance, you gave me a choice. And now I’m giving you one. Either you find a way to trust me, or you let me go.
Louis: I could never let you go.
View all quotes from Memoirs of an Invisible Dan
The Fasting and the Furious
Gossip Girl: On the Upper East Side, it’s not what you say that determines who you are. It’s what you do.
Blair: I hope they take it well. Nothing matters more than our child being born into a big happy family.
Louis: Are you ready?
Gossip Girl: Whether you’re making a big announcement… or trying to close a deal.
Serena: Hey. Jane.
Jane: Did you lock up the film option for Dan’s book yet.
Serena: No, I just finished reading it unfortunately.
Jane: Need I remind you this is your chance to make up for blowing the Daniel Day Lewis deal.
Serena: No reminder necessary. I’m on it.
Gossip Girl: Or firing the first shot.
Diana: The site goes live in twenty!
Sophie: Alors. La nouvelle?
Blair: We’re going to have a baby.
Eleanor: A baby?! You’re still in college!
Blair: Mother.
Cyrus: How wonderful!
Eleanor: Wonderful? It’s a— wonderful… surprise. What is the record for youngest grandmother on the Upper East Side? Cyrus, I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it to sundown without eating.
Sophie: I am thrilled without reservation! As long as the baby is born after you are married of course. The last thing this family needs is another bastard.
Blair: Thank you for keeping my secret.
Beatrice: What are sisters for.
Serena: I may have overreacted about how you portrayed me in the book.
Dan: Thank you so much. You know I have to admit it’s been kind of hard. My dad and Nate and Blair still won’t talk to me.
Serena: Well things are looking up then. One down, three to go.
Dan: Never thought you’d be the first.
Serena: I am full of surprises. You know that.
Jane: Why are you gossiping when a deal you’re running point on is falling apart on live television?
Serena: I’m sorry. This is Blair, my best friend. I figured maybe she could help.
Jane: This isn’t high school. This is my business. I told you not to embarrass me.
Blair: I have an idea for you: quit. Your boss is a bitch. Let’s go to lunch.
Serena: My job is important to me, B. You have six months to deal with your problem. I have six minutes to deal with mine. Goodbye.
Blair: Yes. If everyone else is moving on with their lives then I’m ready to do the same. All the way to Monaco. You’re my family now, Louis. And I want to be yours. Tell your mother that I’m going to be a Grimaldi and I intend to live like one.
Cyrus: And furthermore it says that if you break any of these rules you face the possibility of losing custody of your child to the royal family.
Blair: What? Wait, that’s—
Louis: Outrageous.
Eleanor: I have to confess that I may have been the one to put the idea of a contract in Beatrice’s head. I was just bragging about you and it didn’t matter where you lived. No one can keep you from being your own person. And that is part of why you will be a wonderful mother.
Blair: Thank you for saying that. I know this isn’t what you wanted for me. At least not yet.
Eleanor: These things happen when they happen. That’s the first lesson of being a parent. Children don’t do what you want them to do all the time, when you want them to do it. But you love them anyway.
Lily: Well I bet you never thought you’d hear such good parenting advice from Blair Waldorf.
Rufus: It’s time to let my anger go and return Dan’s calls. I mean if he didn’t piss me off it would just mean he wasn’t growing up.
Lily: That is the Rufus Humphrey that I love.
Serena: When you told me you were pregnant I said that I would be there for you, no matter what, and I haven’t been. And I’m sorry.
Blair: Well you had a work crisis.
Serena: Yeah, but the truth is I was jealous.
Blair: Well if it makes you feel better marrying a prince isn’t what fairytales would lead you to believe.
Serena: No, that’s not what I was jealous about. You’re the star of Dan’s book.
Blair: Well as I said, it’s pure fiction.
View all quotes from The Fasting and the Furious
I Am Number Nine
Gossip Girl: They say the road of life is long and winding. So it’s important to mark the milestones along the way. from picking your bridesmaids—.
Dorota: So many minions. How are you ever going to decide?
Blair: Tryouts begin after breakfast.
Louis: Why do I feel there’s a request coming?
Blair: Not a request. A special dispensation.
Louis: For what?
Dorota: Scheming and manipulating.
Blair: Who do you work for? Louis, can’t you just turn a blind eye for… let’s say twenty-four hours.
Louis: Blair—
Blair: All I’d be doing is spending the day with my former minions. Maybe some light water boarding involved.
Blair: Don’t worry, my love. Nobody will get hurt. Not badly.
Blair: As faithful minions through the years, you’ve each earned a chance to be immortalized as a bridesmaid in my royal wedding. But legally I must warn you not everyone will survive the tryouts.
Blair: Where’s Nelly Yuki?
Penelope: Yale. Where she got in and you didn’t. Plus she hates you, remember?
Blair: Dressing me for my wedding day means attending to my every need, no matter how big or small. Adjust for reception! Cinch that train! Penelope! She has to pee!
Dorota: Where secret wedding location?!
Penelope: We don’t know!
Dorota: Who designed Miss Blair dress?!
Jessica: We can’t tell you that!
Blair: Good one Jessica. Now block that baby bump!
Louis: How was your day?
Blair: Just what I needed. Old habits die hard.
Louis: If they die at all.
Louis: The paternity test showed me that some part of you thought you might still have a choice to make, and I needed you to see that Chuck would always be the wrong one.
Blair: Louis, I don’t now how many more times I can say this, but Chuck and I can never work.
Louis: You know that for certain?
Blair: I do. So does he. And so should you. Chuck destroys everything and everybody in his life. And he’ll never change. But what’s scaring me is that you’re changing into him.
Blair: What are you doing here? I don’t have the energy to rehash tonight’s hysterics. I think you should leave.
Chuck: I’m not here to apologize about what happened tonight.
Blair: Then what are you here to apologize for?
Chuck: Everything else. I’m sorry for losing my temper the night you told me Louis proposed to you. I’m sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building. I’m sorry for treating you like property. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you when I knew I did. Most of all I’m sorry I gave up on us when you never did.
Blair: Thank you.
Blair: I hope never giving up on people isn’t going to be my downfall.
Chuck: That’s why you’re going to be an amazing mother. You’re always there for the people you love. Even when they don’t deserve it.
Blair: You know that’s never going to change.
Chuck: It’s okay if it has to. Starting tonight I’m going to take care of myself.
Blair: Is that all?
Chuck: Yeah.
View all quotes from I Am Number Nine
The Big Sleep No More
Dorota: Uh oh. Mr. Chuck in dream again.
Blair: When Chuck’s in them they’re all nightmares.
Dorota: What he do now?
Blair: Behave like a perfect gentleman. Which makes him even more chilling. That fake apology of his has permeated my subconscious and haunts me even when I sleep.
Dorota: Apology not seem so fake to me.
Blair: That’s because English is your second language!
Blair: Grab the bread. Not even Chuck’s media mind games could disrupt the calm I feel off feeding the ducks. Besides, you could use the exercise.
Dorota: I’m pregnant too, remember?
Blair: What are you doing here? Our treaty of 2010 clearly states the duck pond is my domain. {Monkey whines at her} Don’t try to fool me with your puppy dog eyes.
Chuck: I apologize for the intrusion, but your web-winged friend here waddled into the dog park and was about to become a labrador’s lunch.
Blair: And out of the goodness of your heart you came to his rescue.
Chuck: I like Duck a l’Orange as much as the next person, but it seemed cruel to let the poor creature suffer.
Blair: Especially in front of a photographer. What a lucky duck.
Chuck: I’ve imposed on your domain long enough already. If you’ll excuse me, Monkey needs his constitutional.
Blair: How much more do you need to see?
Dorota: Of duck pond? Not really my thing to begin with.
Blair: I can’t rest until I can prove Chuck is still his satanic self. What do you think would be more effective, having his shirts pressed with too much starch or getting him served blended Scotch at the Empire bar?
Dorota: What is test testing exactly?
Blair: We’ll be there—in clever disguises of course—to see him eviscerate the dry cleaner. Or fire the bartender. Thus proving that he’s only pretending to be magnanimous when I’ll be there or see it in the press.
Dorota: You sure you not just do this because you and Prince Louis not in a good place right now?
Serena: Why are you looking for Chuck?
Blair: I have no choice! He’s trying to destroy my relationship with Louis because he knows it’s vulnerable.
Serena: I’m pretty sure the only war Chuck is waging is with his own demons.
Blair: Do you remember when we used to play dress-up?
Chuck: How could I forget. Though I didn’t think this was your kind of entertainment anymore.
Nate: So I don’t get it, you kissed Blair so she’d think you hadn’t changed?
Chuck: The only way for Blair to move on is if she thinks I never will. I had to kiss her to set her free.
Nate: That may be the most selfless thing you’ve ever done.
Chuck: I’ve never been more good and less happy about it.
View all quotes from The Big Sleep No More
All the Pretty Sources
Louis: I know I said some stupid things before I left, but I’ve come back a better man. I promise you.
Blair: I believe you. And I’m glad because I need you to be your best Prince Charming at our shower tonight.
Gossip Girl: This just in: we hear Blair took a paternity test to find out which daddy makes three.
Louis: This is exactly the type of thing I’m talking about.
Blair: You think someone I know sent that?
Louis: Your friends know no loyalty. Each one rats out the next. And you and I get sucked right into it.
Blair: My friends and I have grown up. We’re not like that anymore. Whoever sent that is clearly from your bloodline. namely your sister, Beatrice.
Blair: I will not tolerate this insubordination. Are you her minions or mine? Just… give me a hint as to the size of the gathering and the level of formality. just so I don’t show up overly-fabulous—if there is such a thing.
Penelope: Actually Serena’s been so slammed with work and her blog, she hasn’t had time to plan anything elaborate. So it’s going to be a rather intimate affair.
Blair: Intimate?
Penelope: Mm hm.
Blair: Okay.
Jessica: Yes. Dress casual.
Um, I think the line from the evite was “Jeans okay.”
Blair: Casual. Jeans. Evite?
Blair: You know Louis was right. None of us here are really friends. We just pretend to be so we can get stuff to talk about behind each other’s backs.
Serena: B, I’ll admit that I saw the web page but I had nothing to do with it coming out. I actually did every I could to stop it and I thought I succeeded.
Blair: Well if you didn’t do it then who did?
Blair: It was you who posted that page, wasn’t it?
Louis: I was trying to show you what your friends are really like. Once and for all.
Blair: You could have shown me at home. You wanted this to happen. It was more important to prove your point than our own shower.
Blair: Do you see what we keep doing here? All the fights and accusations? It isn’t my friends, it’s us. I thought we were better people than this. The only ones caught in a cycle are us.
Louis: A cycle created by your friends in New York.
Blair: I can’t do this anymore.
Chuck: You shouldn’t be here.
Blair: I know. But I had to come. You’ve really been good this whole time, haven’t you?
View all quotes from All the Pretty Sources
Rhodes to Perdition
Blair: Why should I thank someone for a blender? Do I look like the kind of girl who makes margaritas?
Dorota: Oh, margaritas sound delicious. But six months away at least.
Blair: I still love Louis. I just want to marry the sweet Prince who returned my Vivier slipper and made me believe in fairytales, not one of the Brothers Grimm.
Dorota: Even Prince Charming can fall off horse.
Blair: I need this time to figure out what went wrong with Louis and right it.
Dorota: Maybe he Freaky Friday with Mr. Chuck. They struck by lightning at the same time or pee in the same fountain.
Blair: That’s incredibly unsanitary.
Blair: Namaste. I’m sorry to interrupt you getting into someone’s yoga pants.
Blair: Your transformation really is astounding. Care to share how you gave up your bad Bass ways. How you went from Charlie Sheen to Charlie Brown? Bar to mitzvah?
Chuck: There really is no answer to that question. It’s an evolution.
Blair: Hm.
Chuck: What’s really going on Blair?
Blair: Okay, if you must know I’m trying to pinpoint the source of your light so I can pull Louis out of the darkness. You changed, so can he. I have all day.
Doctor: And what is it you’re searching for, Blair?
Blair: Nice try on the bait-and-switch, but I was a teenage bulimic and my father came out when I was fifteen. This isn’t my first analysis.
Doctor: Are you saying that you want your fiance to be more like Chuck?
Blair: No! More like the man Chuck’s become. Like Louis used to be when Chuck was like Louis is now.
Doctor: If you don’t mind my saying so, you seem confused.
Chuck: But I did let go of you, Blair.
Blair: Then prove it by telling me how!
Chuck: I can’t. But if you don’t believe me, call on Harry Winston. The night of the Spectator launch, I left the engagement ring I bought you on the doorstep. And walked away.
Chuck: Doctor Krueger thought you were upset I returned the ring.
Blair: He has too many PhDs. They cancel each other out and make him a moron.
Chuck: I returned it because you asked me to let you go. I wanted to move on to give you a happy life you deserve.
Blair: All this time I’ve blamed you. For pulling me into the dark. But I was wrong. It was me who brought out your dark side. And now that I’m with Louis I’ve done the same to him.
Chuck: You never pulled me to the dark side, Blair.
Blair: I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I have my answer.
Chuck: You’re the lightest thing that ever came into my life.
Gossip Girl: Long after the clubs have closed, disco inferno rages on. For some, it’s burning desire that keeps them awake at night.
Dorota: Miss Blair, if you finally find key to bring Mr. Louis back to the castle why you not look like perky self?
View all quotes from Rhodes to Perdition
Riding in Town Cars with Boys
Dorota: The same thing happening to me. Pregnancy makes fingers swell up like kielbasas.
Blair: Well the paparazzi aren’t camped out downstairs to find out if your wedding is called off. If they see me without my ring they’ll think it means something.
Dorota: I start to think maybe it does.
Blair: I plan on having my child the old-fashioned way: fully sedated. And the only Downward Dog I want to see you doing is cleaning up the dust from under that couch.
Gossip Girl: I guess it’s time for me to accept that if you want something badly enough you have to go out and get it yourself.
Dan: Hey, I was wondering what you were doing today.
Blair: Coming to stay with you, actually.
Dan: Uh… okay.
Gossip Girl: Watch out, kids. The end of me just might turn out to be the end of one of you.
Dan: I saw your photo in the paper. Is everything okay?
Blair: Everything is horrible. I need to go to Louis and reassure him that he’s never going to lose me but something is stopping me.
Dan: Chuck is stopping you.
Blair: No. I haven’t even spoken to Chuck.
Dan: You don’t have to. You have some strange force field effect on each other. Physicists should study it.
Blair: I’ll start with Chuck. Pros: he truly has become a good man.
Dan: Cons: he’s slept with every woman in New York. It could get a little awkward at dinner parties.
Blair: Sometimes fun. Don’t judge.
Blair: I need your advice. It seems as you’ve found your way I’ve lost mine.
Chuck: I didn’t think Blair Waldorf could get lost.
Blair: Neither did I but I’m so lost I wound up in Brooklyn.
Chuck: There are worse places. This isn’t something Humphrey can help you with?
Blair: No. Only you.
Blair: Do you think you could love another man’s child.
Chuck: Why are you asking me this?
Blair: I’m paralyzed. I can’t move, I can’t breathe. You have to help me.
Chuck: I can’t make this decision for you, Blair. You’re the one that has to live with it.
Blair: But what’s the right choice, Chuck?
Chuck: I can’t imagine it would be a mistake to marry to father of your child. Right?
Blair: It’s decided.
Dan: Chuck?
Blair: Nope. Apparently there are some risks even Chuck Bass isn’t willing to take. So. Problem solved.
Dan: What do you really want?
Blair: To be happy. But I don’t think I know how to anymore.
Dan: Well I think I know how to make you happy.
Blair: You brought me to watch a human sacrifice. Or an episode of The Bachelor. Either way I am not happy.
Blair: Why did you tell me to choose Louis?
Chuck: I thought it was selfish if I was the one to tell you to break up your family.
Blair: That was the moment you chose not to be selfish?
Chuck: I had it all wrong. Just because Louis is the father of your baby does not mean you should be with him, you should be with me.
Blair: Why?
Chuck: Because I’m going to love your baby as much as I love you.
View all quotes from Riding in Town Cars with Boys
The End of the Affair?
Blair: Dorota’s obviously become lax in announcing visitors.
Chuck: There’s no need to reprimand the help. Louis invited me in.
Blair: I should have known you’d manipulate someone.
Chuck: How can you blame me. You won’t respond to my texts or calls. I just wanted to be there for you after the baby.
Blair: Well as you can see I survived without you. And I indeed to continue that way, so you should go.
Chuck: That’s it? I’m just cut out of your life without any explanation?
Blair: My New York wedding is in less than a month. I have to keep my priorities in order.
Chuck: We were your priority. What happened, Blair? What changed after the accident?
Blair: Did it ever occur to you that there’s no such thing as an accident?
Chuck: Well it certainly felt like one when the car hit the wall.
Blair: Or it was the universe’s way of pointing out what’s really important.
Chuck: How can you say we weren’t important? You were the only thing that matters.
Blair: Well you’re obviously not leaving, so I will.
Blair: Chuck can never know the truth.
Blair: Vera designed it for me before the accident. And now… all I see is everything I lost.
Blair: Now. What did you burst in on my emotional moment to yell at me about?
Blair: Why am I even asking your opinion on fashion? And why are you not responding? What stopped your never ending soliloquy?
Blair: Don’t go all Notebook on me. Not now. I need you.
Dan: Hey, you have me. Alright?
Serena: I hope you’ll focus on getting your fiancée to come to the party tonight. She could really use a night out with people who care about her.
Dan: You’re the most accomplished liar I know. Except maybe Jenny, but you trained her.
Blair: This is different.
Dan: Well maybe, but Blair, what is a lifetime of blackmailing authority figures and casting out townies if it doesn’t add up to the ability to at least feign a marginal level of happiness at an office party.
Serena: B. What’s going on? I feel like we’ve barely talked since you got back.
Blair: Wedding planning has been all-consuming.
Serena: You’ve had your wedding planned since you were twelve. Whatever it is, you can tell me.
Blair: Please God. You have my baby. You can’t take Chuck too. If you exist, let him live. I’ll do anything. I promise I’ll keep my vow to marry Louis. And never be with him again.
Nurse: Blair Waldorf? Chuck Bass is asking for you.
Serena: That’s why you cut Chuck out of your life? B, that nurse wasn’t an angel.
Blair: I know that. But… one minute he was dead and then I made a promise and he was alive.
Serena: That wasn’t a miracle. That was modern medicine.
Blair: There’s no way out of it. If anything ever happened to Chuck I would feel like it was my fault. I made a vow to marry Louis and that’s what I’m going to do.
Serena: You can’t base the rest of your life on one desperate moment. God doesn’t punish people for being in love.
Louis: I owe you an apology. I know I promised to trust you, but I had a small lapse.
Blair: Oh, ah, none of us is perfect. We don’t even need to speak of it.
Louis: I do.
Chuck: What the hell is going on?
Blair: I just came to tell you what a wonderful person you’ve become. And I hope you won’t let this change that.
Chuck: Well don’t leave me.
Blair: I’m not doing it to hurt you.
Chuck: You sat in the car and you said you’d never go. We were going to spend the rest of our lives together and now you can’t even look at me. Now you don’t even care enough to tell me why?
Blair: I saw what was important and I made the only choice I could.
Chuck: Love does not just disappear.
Blair: We can never be together. Chuck, just move on and be happy.
Chuck: I can’t. Until I know why, I won’t stop. I will use all of the power I have to find out the truth.
Blair: Some things are more powerful than even you. I’m sorry. Don’t let this destroy all the good in you. Just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean I won’t love you.
Louis: You’re not getting cold feet, are you?
Blair: No. I’ve never been more sure of any decision in my entire life.
View all quotes from The End of the Affair?
Father and the Bride
Blair: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I… pressed the close button on an elevator door when I saw a woman running to catch it.
Father Cavalia: Why did you do that?
Blair: It was a long ride down to the lobby and she was wearing too much perfume. Diddy called it Unforgivable for a reason.
Blair: You’re following me!
Chuck: I’m not going to leave until you tell me what changed. Why you turned your back on me—on us!
Blair: I told you everything there is to say. Lurking in doorways won’t help.
Chuck: Sooner or later you’re going to crack. You always do.
Blair: I’ve never been so happy to be surrounded by so many Bridge and Tunnel types.
Goth Chick: Hey Bride, you got a match?
Blair: Two. And that’s the problem.
Blair: I know Louis loves me, but sometimes I wonder if he understands me. But reading this is exactly what I needed to go into our wedding sure of my choice.
Serena: Can I be a little jealous?
Blair: You may.
View all quotes from Father and the Bride
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G.G.
Serena: How does it feel to have everything you’ve ever wanted?
Blair: You tell me. I saw you with Humphrey this morning. Has all that fake connection sparked a real one?
Serena: Not exactly.
Blair: Serena van der Woodsen! You didn’t tell him I said you could stop pretending?
Serena: I just thought, what’s the harm in waiting until the wedding?
Blair: The harm is that you are falling further while he has little to no clue.
Serena: No one is falling anywhere.
Blair: I saw how you were looking at him this morning.
Blair: What are you doing here?
Chuck: Trust me, the last thing I wanted to do was show up today but even your own mother seems to think we need to talk.
Blair: Well what I need is for you to—
Chuck: Don’t marry him.
Blair: Chuck.
Chuck: Don’t marry him.
Blair: All those people out there are waiting for me.
Chuck: Yes they are. But they also want you to be happy, which you’re not going to be if you go through with this. Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll leave. You can’t. Because it should be us out there and you know it.
Blair: It isn’t that simple.
Chuck: It’s only that simple. You told me you loved me. I know it was true.
Blair: It is! Of course I love you, Chuck. I’ve always loved you. I love you more and more every day if it’s even possible to love someone that much.
Chuck: Get out of here with me right now. We can go anywhere just as long as we’re together.
Blair: I know you can’t understand, and I don’t expect you to, but even if I weren’t with Louis… I couldn’t be with you. Just know that not living with you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But at least I have someone who loves me by my side. you should find someone who loves you too.
Chuck: I have. She’s standing right in front of me.
Blair: I know it sounds crazy, but I really am doing this for you.
Serena: B, are you sure you feel right about all this? Because I am totally prepared to make a run for it with you if that’s what you want.
Blair: I have made peace with my decision. And so should everyone else.
Blair: Despite everyone’s protestations I’m going through with this. Serena, will you please tell everyone I’m ready to begin.
Cyrus: Blair, my little turtledove. What’s the emergency?
Blair: I need another escort.
Cyrus: What’s going on? You have an escort—your father.
Blair: Oh Cyrus. One escort is not enough. I need both of you to walk me down the aisle.
Chuck: Blair, you can’t honestly believe—
Blair: What? Can’t honestly believe that you were dead? Because you were. And you weren’t coming back. The only thing I knew I could do in that moment was to find a way to try and save your life, whatever it took. Even though I knew that, once I did, you would never stop trying to ruin mine. So. The truth is out. But that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere with you.
Blair: Thank you for giving me another chance. Louis, the champagne hasn’t gone to my head. I’m too high for it to reach me. We’ve made it. Finally.
Louis: So we did.
Blair: What is it, mon chere? Did I miss a step?
Louis: I promised my mother I’d wait until we were on the plane, but I can’t any longer.
Blair: Wait for what?
Louis: Today, with the eyes of the world on us, I had no choice but to stand by your side after your public apology. But that was it. From this moment forward there is nothing between us but a contract. Our marriage is all for show. And you’re going to put on the best damn show anyone has.
Blair: But what about everything we’ve been through? All those beautiful vows you said in front of God and everyone. Those can’t just have stopped being true.
Louis: I didn’t write them. Dan did. And now they mean nothing to me.
Blair: But why, why would you want to be married to someone you didn’t love?
Louis: My mother told me love had nothing to do with marriage. Now I know she was right.
Blair: It’s me. I made a horrible mistake. I don’t know what to do. Help me. Please.
Dan: This was the only car with the keys in it.
Blair: That’s fine. Just go.
The Backup Dan
Dan: I don’t understand. The Dominican Republic?
Blair: Louis may not agree to a divorce here in the states but I think I can get one there without his consent.
Dan: Was researching divorce law part of your wedding prep? Because that should have been your first sign.
Blair: Elizabeth Taylor got her fourth divorce there. There’s some weird loophole in the law where you don’t need the groom. Or maybe they just take bribes. Either way, I’ll figure it out when I get there.
Blair: We are decoys. A distraction so that the real royal couple doesn’t get mobbed by tabloid obsessed losers like yourself. No offense.
Blair: You think I’d be insulted by someone with a Samsonite? Look, I just need to change so lend me your credit card so I can go shopping while you get my ticket. They do give credit to people from Brooklyn. Right?
Blair: Rufus is always doing the right thing. I’m sure he’s already told my mother, which means everyone will instantly know that she knows because she refuses to get Botox. Her face is an emoticon.
Blair: Listen, I don’t think you fully understand the urgency of my situation. You know what everyone says they did to Charlene Wittstock when she tried to run and she was an Olympian. These people don’t mess around.
Blair: I think the hotel clerk recognized me. Did you notice him staring?
Dan: You mean after you lectured him about the lack of spa amenities?
Blair: I can’t believe that in just a few short hours I went from being a princess with a private jet and a palace, to flying coach and hiding out in an airport hotel room with Dan Humphrey. What have I done to deserve this?
Dan: How about what I’ve done? Like be there for you completely and without question and you still treat me like crap. would it kill you to be just the tiniest bit appreciative?
Blair: In case you haven’t noticed I’m not exactly having fun either. This was supposed to be the best day of my life and now it’s a big mess and you don’t need to be yelling at me on top of it!
Dan: If you haven’t noticed I’ve been helping you the entire time and you’re the one who’s yelling! Alright, now I’m yelling too, but you started it.
Blair: I hope someone yells at you on your big day so you know how it feels!
Dan: You already did. Remember the day my book came out, you blamed me for creating all your problems with Louis. And you never even read it!
Blair: I read the most important part! The part that never happened!
Dan: Look, all I’ve ever tried to do is be your friend, but friends don’t treat each other the way you treat me, so if you really think you’re better off without me then why don’t you try it out!
Blair: That’s right, go ahead and leave. I didn’t want you in the car and I don’t need you now.
Blair: That’s not a Dorota knock. She’s a stickler for shave-and-a-haircut.
Blair: It was you who sent in that video to Gossip Girl?
Chuck: And set me up to take the fall.
Serena: Yep. Yeah, fine. It was me who did it. But I did it for the two of you.
Blair: You ruined my wedding? For me? I know you never believed in my pact, but this wasn’t your choice to make.
Serena: I didn’t do it to hurt you, Blair. But you choosing to run away with Dan, knowing how I feel about him and not telling me any of it, that hurt too.
Blair: I can’t let you buy my freedom.
Chuck: If it means getting rid of them it’s worth the cost. I’d do anything for you.
Blair: No. not like this. I made a promise and I need to keep it.
Chuck: To God? Please. You broke that promise when you left Louis. And look. I’m still standing.
Blair: Chuck. I need you to let me handle this on my own. What kind of chance do we have if our fresh start is you buying me from Louis? When and if we end up together, it has to be as equals. With nothing over our heads. That’s the only shot we have.
Chuck: I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else. I don’t care what it costs or where we have to go. I just want to be with you.
Blair: Louis won’t lay a hand on me. I promise. I’m sorry. This is how it has to be.
Dan: If you’re looking for Serena, she’s on her way back to the city.
Blair: I was looking for you. I want to apologize. Everything you said was right. I could never have survived this last month without you. I also know you wrote those vows.
Dan: Well, you know, Louis asked me to. I just tried to write down what I assumed he would love about you.
Blair: Well you did a great job. It’s pretty obvious you care way more about me than Louis. As a friend of course.
Dan: Of course.
Blair: And I care about you too. Even if I have odd ways of showing it, like bossing you around or making fun of your hair. Seriously, you should cut it already. Thank you for helping me. And I really am sorry for maxing out your credit card and not reading your book.
Dan: Listen, you have much bigger problems to deal with. Speaking of, what now?
Blair: I know what I have to do. But I just need to know that you’ll be there for me.
Dan: Always.
View all quotes from The Backup Dan
Crazy, Cupid, Love
Dorota: Miss Blair! You’re back! I was worried you’d be locked away in big stone tower somewhere, and only way to speak is through smoke signals or coded messages on Twitter.
Blair: Thankfully, Dorota, we don’t need to learn Navajo just yet.
Blair: I will not allow us to go on living like this together. The way I see it, I am mad at you for sending out that video of me and Chuck to Gossip Girl and you are mad at me for running off with Dan, so they cancel each other out. Actually, yours was way worse—I only needed a ride—but the point is—
Serena: Blair, I didn’t release the video to Gossip Girl.
Blair: You took the fall for us?
Serena: It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
Blair: Step one is accomplished. The thaw has begun.
Dorota: A beautiful Polish spring.
Blair: There’s no way I can bring a royal minder to my ex’s apartment. Looks like you’ll just have to wear a school uniform and play Cupid in my place.
Dorota: Oh no. This is very bad plan.
Blair: Why don’t you come with me and my new royal minder to the Cardiac Ball tonight. We can bond over our mutual broken hearts while looking at people with actual broken hearts.
Blair: I knew there was still something between you. Now, go ask her to Nate’s party. Guitar Hero in one suite, a sushi bar in the other. Girl gets beaned with a Nairtini or someone uses a secret key to sneak into the pool. Just like old times.
Blair: Are you gonna make your move or what?
Blair: I sent Serena to look for you. Am I just setting her up for disappointment?
Dan: Do you really want us to get back together?
Blair: I just want you to be happy. Tell me what would make you happy, Dan.
Dan: That kiss, it wasn’t like last year. You kissed me back. I felt it.
Blair: It doesn’t matter what you think you felt. Because Serena’s my best friend and I would never do anything to hurt her. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Have a Happy Valentine’s Day.
View all quotes from Crazy, Cupid, Love
Despicable B
Dan: What could be more important than strategizing ways to publicize yourself?
I don’t know, maybe the banking crisis or what’s going on in Syria, or…
Blair: Dan. You know you’re never going to be trending on Twitter if you choose those topics to discuss. You know, just be humble. Self-deprecating. With a tinge of intellectual superiority.
Dorota: You sure you want to read, Miss Blair? There are some bad things about friends in there.
Blair: Don’t you know me at all? I love reading bad things about my friends. It’s the only thing that makes me feel better about myself.
Blair: He’s high brow and I’m low brow for being married for less time than Kim Kardashian? I was so wrong, Dorota. All is not right in the universe. The universe is totally upended and we must right it immediately.
Dorota: And how you plan to do that?
Blair: I must become as high brow as Dan. This instant!
Dan: Who was that guy?
Dorota: Some representative from FIT. More like similar word, but spelled S—
Blair: It doesn’t matter. How was the meeting with your publicist?
Dan: They just wanted to see me in person so they could tell me I’m one of the five people nominated for the New York Public Library’s 2012 Young Lions Fiction Award.
Blair: How do I look?
Dorota: Suspicious. You heard Mr. Humphrey. Why are you dressed so fancy for casual book party?
Blair: I guess the opera gloves may be a bit much.
Dorota: I smell a scheme when I see one.
Blair: My point is: high brow despicable. That’s where you find all the headline-makers having all the fun. Gwyneth, Victoria Beckham, David Bloomberg. Those are my people, Dorota. And it is time I become one of them again.
Dan: Did you really feel the need to steal the spotlight from me tonight because I was above you on the back page of some magazine?
Blair: No. That’s ridiculous.
Dan: Is it? Because you said in your speech something about me being brilliant and “high-brow” and if it’s about that it’s a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think? I mean, you know none of that stuff means anything to me.
Blair: Well it means something to me, and it isn’t just about the magazine. I don’t want to live in someone else’s shadow anymore. I did it the whole year I was with Louis and then with Chuck before that. I am sick of being behind-the-scenes in a relationship.
Dan: You’re not behind-the-scenes with me. That’s what I love about us. We are equals in this.
Blair: Well that’s not how I feel. And it’s clearly not how other people view me.
Dan: Maybe you are so focused on how everyone else perceives you that you no longer know who you are. And that’s too bad, because if you could only see what I see…
Blair: You were right. The problem wasn’t your success. It was me. Somehow between being traded for a hotel and selling out for a tiara I lost my true self. But I want to be found. Could you possibly help?
Dan: I have a feeling that the Real Blair Waldorf is a lot closer than you think. Wasn’t all that long ago that she and I were working side-by-side at W. And I totally fell for her.
Blair: And what was that girl like?
Dan: That girl is fiercely strong. Independent. Outspoken. Beautiful Capable of anything. And no man or magazine should be able to take that away from her.
Blair: She sounds great. I look forward to meeting her again.
View all quotes from Despicable B
Raiders of the Lost Art
Blair: You know after my theatrics at the Young Lions Club, it’s time I quit my moping. And get back in touch with what it truly means to be the Blair Waldorf.
Dan: That’s right. OGB. Original Gangsta Blair.
Blair: Exactly. I need to find that Blair again. And what better place to look for her than at the Met, surrounded by some of my favorite paintings.
Dan: You better not meet any princes this time.
Blair: You don’t need to worry, believe me. I’m done with fairy tales. It’s time to be real again.
Blair: Chuck. I don’t have time for any of your nonsense. I have a very busy day planned.
Chuck: Blair, listen to me please. I have this book. It’s written in code and I desperately need to crack it. I remembered how good you are at things like this. Or at least you were. Maybe that was the old you.
Blair: Apologies. I just needed a few minutes to get into character. If you want to think like Diana Payne, you have to become Diana Payne. {in a British accent} Cheers. Thanks a lot. You’re adorable. Spectator.
Chuck: Regardless of whether we find Jack, I can’t tell you how glad I am at this moment that Diana isn’t really my mother.
Blair: Hand me the book.
Chuck: Looks like we might have a lead thanks to Blair’s powers of observation.
Blair: But unfortunately the entire clue trail hangs by the flimsiest of threads. Nate’s long term memory.
Blair: Did you find your inspiration?
Dan: Yes. But the only problem is it’s in Rome.
Chuck: Diana lied to me. She’s not my mother. I think she’s covering for my father. Well, my real father Jack.
Serena: Chuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.
Chuck: That book is the only chance I have at tracking Jack down.
Serena: Well what can I do?
Blair: Be with us, not against us.
Serena: You have me, one hundred percent.
Blair: What just happened? What did you tell him?
Jack: Tell him what?
Blair: What you’re really hiding here.
Jack: Whatever you saw or you think you saw, you can’t tell Chuck.
Blair: Of course I’m going to tell him. He has a right to know. And there’s nothing you can do that will make me change my mind!
Jack: This isn’t about me. Do you realize how many people get hurt if this gets out? You need to go. You’ve already complicated things enough by being here. This whole thing was supposed to go off without a hitch. You better hope it still does.
Chuck: After everything we’ve been through, there’s no room for secrets. Nor should there be. Whatever it is, you can tell me, Blair. It’s just us here. You and me.
Blair: I think once everyone is gone, and it’s quiet, you need to go back into that house.
Dan: Hey. I love you. You know that, right?
Blair: I do now.
View all quotes from Raiders of the Lost Art
The Fugitives
Blair: That was your agent. She wants you to reconsider the program in Rome. Which is odd, because you told me they went with someone else.
Dan: Ah, well, yesterday when you ended up with Chuck I was a little nervous about leaving for the whole summer. And I know you told me there were other people there and it was not romantic, but… come on. It’s Chuck.
Blair: So you lied to me.
Dan: I figured you would just think I was some jealous freak if I told the truth.
Blair: Well maybe because you are. But you don’t have to be. You have nothing to worry about. Take the offer. It’s an amazing opportunity and I would never stand in the way of it.
Dan: It means the entire summer apart.
Blair: But it’s not like I can’t come visit. Rome is just two glasses of chardonnay away.
Blair: Guess what I found out this morning?
Serena: B, I know what you’re going to say. But first I really want to tell you—
Blair: Dan turned down the opportunity to spend the summer in Rome with the world’s literary luminaries. And do you know why? Because he’s scared of leaving me here with Chuck. Can you believe it?
Serena: Sort of.
Blair: I mean the most important thing in a relationship is trust. After sex. And hygiene. And earning potential. Wait. What did you think I was going to say?
Serena: Ah… I mean, it’s not important. Nowhere near as important as Dan and Italy and his trust issues. We should get coffee and you should tell me more about it.
Blair: Wait. Okay, using a very generous grading curve and rounding up—because I like your outfit—that lie was a C+ at best. What is going on?
Serena: Something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for awhile now. I’ve been posting on Gossip Girl as Gossip Girl. For a couple of months now.
Blair: What? How is that possible?
Serena: When Georgina left town she gave me her laptop and it had a direct link to the Gossip Girl server, passwords, the software, everything.
Blair: S, you had me at Georgina, but I can’t believe it. Why didn’t you tell me?
Serena: I don’t know. I felt like it was something I had to keep secret from everyone. I mean, my best friend even. I know it was wrong and I’m so sorry.
Blair: I mean I could have helped. Sealing fates, forging destinies. Like an imperious Greek goddess. Imposing her will on the guileless masses. But I was wondering why Gossip Girl was being so nice to me lately. And a little off her game. No offense.
Serena: So you’re not mad?
Blair: I am furious with you! For not sharing your good fortune and omnipotence. But right now I have to go replace my mother’s La Mer before she returns from Paris and discovers I’ve used it all.
Blair: Chuck, I can’t really be seen with you right now. But how are you doing? Are you okay?
Chuck: Far from it. I have to find a way to stop my father from leaving tonight.
Blair: Leaving? But you just found him.
Chuck: He left to keep me safe. Now it’s my turn to save him.
Blair: I’m with Chuck.
Serena: B.
Blair: No it’s not like that. He needs me. He’s going through an extremely difficult time right now.
Serena: Yeah, of course he is. Especially if it means taking you away from Dan to be with him. And you just told me Dan is having trust issues.
Blair: I know, but this is life or death. And other than not being able to say where I am, what I’m doing or who I’m waiting for, I honestly have nothing to hide. Well Dan needs you too and you can’t be two places at once.
Serena: You’re right. I’ll be right there. Whatever news he has I’m sure it won’t take that long to relay.
Serena: What was Dan’s big surprise?
Blair: It was more of an ambush. He got into this writing program in Rome and he wants me to go with him the entire summer.
Serena: How dare he! Blair, that’s amazing.
Blair: I told him I had to check my calendar to buy some time to think.
Serena: What’s there to think about? Rome for the summer sounds like a dream.
Blair: Not for Romans. The whole place will be crawling with Americans.
Serena: And you can be two of them.
Blair: But it’s a big decision. And spending last summer at Louis’ side I was hoping to do my own thing.
Serena: So your indecision has nothing to do with Chuck?
Blair: Absolutely not. My concern for him at this time is about something entirely unrelated.
Serena: Which you can’t tell me about. B, I hate being out of the loop.
Dan: You don’t think this is too much? I mean it’s just an interview with one person.
Blair: Well we want to impress him, right?
Dan: I think they’re just trying to make sure we’re a sane, stable couple. I guess they’ve had some trouble in the past. Apparently Padma Lakshmi and Salman Rushdie broke up during their stay and it caused all kinds of drama.
Ivy: I’ll do whatever it takes to help. I’d love to get back in the gang.
Blair: But just to clarify. In order to be back in the gang, you would have had to be in the gang to begin with.
Ivy: How do you know this will work?
Blair: Do you think this is the first time I’ve entrapped someone with prostitutes?
Blair: Thanks S. You really are my best friend.
Serena: I love you, B.
Blair: I love you too.
Serena: Speaking of which, think it’s time to tell Dan how you feel about him?
Blair: He told you about that? I’m not ready. I really want the next person I say it to to be the last.
Dan: Do you really want to spend the entire summer with me in Rome? Chuck’s dad is alive. That is going to change his world deeply.
Blair: His, yes. But not mine.
Dan: I understand why you did what you did today, but I need to know for me—for us—what is really happening here.
Blair: There is nothing I want more than to spend the summer right by your side.
View all quotes from The Fugitives
The Return of the Ring
Blair: It’s bad enough you read my diary, but to publicly expose my naked thoughts is unconscionable.
Serena: B, I was never going to publish them. I just wanted to know I could. I was upset about you and Dan. And I’m so sorry. I never thought Gossip Girl would steal my computer with everything on it.
Blair: Well I took Dan’s phone so he wouldn’t see anything but I’m just postponing the inevitable if she keeps releasing pages.
Serena: I wouldn’t worry about Dan. He’s a writer. He knows that diaries are all about exploring thoughts. Like all those terrible things you said about me. That’s not how you really feel.
Blair: It is now.
Blair: Oh! {reading the blast} “Another day of wedding planning where my mother needs to make me feel small so she can be the star.” There goes that relationship! No big deal! Who needs a mother!
Blair: Dorota! We need to find every damning thing I ever wrote. So we can be proactive about damage control.
Dorota: Every damning thing since grade school is a lot of damning.
Blair: Do you want to steam laundry in Siberia? Mobilize the troops!
Eleanor: Blair. Darling. Why is Dorota carrying your life history?
Blair: Suffice it to say that I apologize in advance if any of your meetings today are negatively affected by the publication of my intimate musings.
Eleanor: “My mother considers herself the arbiter of Parisian style, but the only French she’s intimate with are fries.” Wow. The reflections of an overprivileged and unattended thirteen-year-old have no bearing on the business I’m in town for.
Blair: You should be grateful that your names are mentioned at all. That guy spent one week with Marilyn and he is still living off the royalties.
Blair: Status report. Penelope. Social suicide watch?
Penelope: The Met’s not gonna be happy.
Blair: Make a donation. Also include the ballet, opera. Skip MoMa. Tim Burton isn’t art. I stand by that statement.
Blair: Do you want to come with me to the Shepherd’s divorce party tonight? I should have known that marriage was doomed when Serena banged my boyfriend at the reception.
Blair: You saw Gossip Girl.
You want to reimburse me for my new phone ’cause I’m assuming it’s you that took the old one?
Dan: Blair I told you I loved you and you pretended like you didn’t even hear me.
Blair: Dan, let’s just put all that behind us.
Dan: See, you’re doing it again. Do you even want to be in this relationship?
Blair: Of course!
Dan: Is the reason you can’t say you love me because you’re still in love with Chuck?
Blair: No.
Dan: Then I need to know how you feel about me. By tonight.
Blair: Dan—
Dan: We’re supposed to be spending the summer in Italy together and I don’t want you coming unless we know where we stand.
Serena: You knew how important that job was to me. And I was on the verge of getting another one.
Blair: Summer job on a film set versus exposing all my secrets. No, I’m not sorry.
Blair: “I’ll never love Chuck again after what he did tonight. He’s a monster. He deserves to be alone forever.” I was waiting for that one. You happy now? Now that I’m as alone as you are?
Serena: I’m only alone because of you. You had your prince and you had Chuck. You didn’t need to take Dan too.
Blair: I didn’t take Dan. That’s not how relationships work. You would know that if you’d grown up at all since high school.
Serena: Oh come on, Blair. You’re the one that can’t move on. You’re still in love with Chuck and you still won’t admit it.
Blair: Get out! I mean it. I want you gone for good. Pack your things.
Serena: You can’t hold me responsible for everything bad in your life.
Blair: I can. Because you are. The best time I ever had was when you were gone six years ago. Leave your key with Dorota.
Chuck: What are you doing here?
Blair: I came to check on you. Gossip Girl’s been putting a bunch of stuff up and I wanted to make sure that you weren’t hurt—
Chuck: Why would I be hurt about something that was in your diary a year ago? We’ve been through so much since then. Talked about everything, made amends. Or is there some other reason you’re here? Maybe to tell me you and Dan broke up?
Blair: No. We haven’t.
Chuck: I can’t play this game anymore, Blair. I spent a whole year waiting for you. I need to move forward.
Blair: No, you’re right.
Blair: I’m headed for a reckoning. Dan versus Chuck.
Eleanor: You always did love Jane Austen.
Blair: As literature, not my life! Dan is my best friend and when we’re together it’s great. I feel strong and safe. Except in a [] room.
Eleanor: And with Chuck?
Blair: I’m vulnerable. He’s devastated me, but he’s also made me happier than I’ve ever been. I just don’t know which kind of love is better.
Eleanor: Trust me, Blair. There isn’t a woman out there more powerful than you.
Blair: You really think so?
Eleanor: Yes I do. That’s why I want you to take over my company. That’s what I’ve been trying to talk to you about. I have decided to retire. And I know you’ve always said you didn’t want any part of what I do.
Blair: Well have you seen my closet? Fashion is art and culture and history and everything I love combined.
Blair: Thanks Mom. I’ve made my choice. I know who I need to be with. I’m on my way to tell him now.
Blair: I’m sorry.
Chuck: I don’t need your pity.
Blair: I’m not here because I pity you. I’m here because it’s time I was honest with you. I love you. I’m in love with you. I have tried to kill it, to run away from it, but I can’t. And I don’t want to anymore.
Chuck: So what?
Blair: So now we can be together. Isn’t that what you want?
Chuck: It was. Before I lost everything.
Blair: Bass Industries isn’t everything. I’m going to take over my mother’s company and that can be our future.
Chuck: The only reason Waldorf Designs has a future is because I gave mine up for it. My father was right. I always put you first. And you bet against me every time. And now I have nothing.
Blair: You have me.
Chuck: That’s not enough. I need a future.
Blair: Then let me be part of it.
Chuck: I don’t want to be Mr. Blair Waldorf. I’m Chuck Bass.
Eleanor: That is your third sigh since the seventh arrondissement. Are you having regrets leaving without speaking to Serena?
Blair: Not at all. Those are “I love Paris” sighs.
Blair: You’ve fought for me all year. I’ve come to fight for you.
Croupier: Will you be joining the game?
Blair: You said I always bet against you, but this time I’m all in.
Croupier: Your bet, sir?
View all quotes from The Return of the Ring
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