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Reversals of Fortune
Chuck: I’m Chuck. Bass.
Ashley: I know.
Chuck: I wasn’t expecting to see someone like you somewhere like this so early in the day.
Ashley: I needed a refuge. It’s too hot.
Chuck: It’s never too hot.
Ashley: Care to test that theory?
Chuck: What if I have a girlfriend?
Ashley: Chuck Bass doesn’t do girlfriends. Where’s your limo?
Chuck: I gave my driver the day off.
Ashley: Then I guess we’ll have to find somewhere else.
Chuck: Uh uh.
Ashley: Why not?
Chuck: It’s better to wait.
Ashley: How long?
Chuck: Let’s see… now.
Blair: What the hell is going on?
Chuck: Blair, I can explain.
Ashley: I’m sorry, um, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.
Chuck: Yes, you did. She did.
Blair: Shame on you, Ashley Henshaw. How could you do that? Pick up someone in a relationship? Have you no pride, no self respect?
Ashley: Okay, but I didn’t know—
Blair: You may have an Abercrombie campaign and the security code to Clooney’s castle in Lake Como but that doesn’t give you the right to try and steal someone else’s man! Now take your American Girl hair and your poreless skin and get out!
Ashley: Okay, you’re crazy.
Chuck: Hey.
Blair: Hi. they kiss [] 2 or 3 hours. I missed you.
Chuck: Let me make it up to you. Let’s get out of here.
Blair: Or we could stay.
Chuck: I know it’s a buyer’s market right now but that doesn’t mean there’s actually anything worth buying.
Nate: Why don’t you just stay at the Palace?
Chuck: I am done living in my father’s shadow. And that includes living in his hotel.
Nate: And running his company?
Chuck: Lily was doing an amazing job overseeing the board before she left. Why not let her continue. What about you? Any word from the van der Bilt compound since you got back?
Nate: Not a word. Tomorrow’s the family polo match. You know when I skipped out on the internship at the mayor’s office I knew they’d be mad. Now I’m getting the silent treatment.
Chuck: Well if they’re mad at you already why don’t you call the girl from the plane?
Nate: I’m not going to use Bree to send some message.
Chuck: You’re missing one key detail: sleeping with the enemy is hot. Why do you think I had the whole Ivanka thing?
Blair: How’s your tureen?
Chuck: Bland. How’s your julep?
Blair: Weak.
Blair: Chuck, where is she?
Chuck: What are you talking about?
Blair: Do you really expect me to believe you don’t have her stashed here?
Chuck: I came back from the party because I have a headache. Didn’t you get my messages?
Blair: I must have left my phone on the table. What if we need games? What if without them we’re boring?
Chuck: We could never be boring.
Blair: You say that, but I know you. You’re Chuck Bass.
Chuck: I’m not Chuck Bass without you.
Blair: Running to get here all the way from Connecticut was pretty exciting.
Do you know where Alexandra lives?
Chuck: How about we stay in instead.
The Freshmen
Chuck: I have to object to you living in the dorms. Fluorescent lighting, communal showers, public schoolgirls. There’s a place for that and it belongs in the back of a video store.
Blair: It’s not for long. I can’t rule the NYU masses from the Upper East Side. I need to spend time in the dorm to establish myself as queen.
Chuck: It’s not Constance, Blair. The only queens are the ones with tickets to see Liza at Carnegie Hall.
Chuck: Well hello sis. I assume you need a few ounces of study aid for Brown.
Serena: No. I need a place to stay. I’m not going to Brown.
Chuck: For people like us a college degree is just an accessory. Like a Malawi baby or a poodle.
Serena: Well it’s an accessory my mother really wants me to have.
Chuck: So you want to hide out at the Bass Cave until you figure it out.
Chuck: He has to answer to the board, Serena. And board’s tend not to approve of coat check girls that give happy endings.
Chuck: I told Rufus about Brown because I was actually worried about you. to the investors Sorry to have wasted your time.
Blair: You were right about the dorms. The lighting is awful. You okay?
Chuck: I am now.
The Lost Boy
Blair: Chuck? How did you know I was here? Did you find me to apologize? That is so sweet.
Chuck: Not exactly. Though I am sorry. I know I have been all work lately.
Blair: If you didn’t find me what are you doing here?
Chuck: There’s a photograph I need that’s up for auction tonight.
Blair: Me too! My prayers have been answered. A secret collegiate society wants me. Initiation is easy. All you have to do is contribute to their Salon’s art collection as a fee, so—
Chuck: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Blair: I’m more of a Helmut Newton girl myself, but they want a vintage MacMillan. Who am I to argue.
Chuck: You see this guy in the photo? That’s Sean Macpherson. He has an entire wall of photos like this in his office. But procuring this one for him is the best way I can show him I have respect for his history.
Blair: Show him respect? He’s a club owner, not a mafia don.
Chuck: Guess Dorota’s counter-intelligence isn’t what it used to be.
Blair: Don’t change the subject! I can’t believe you lied to me. Trying to use sex to distract me.
Chuck: I learned from the best.
Blair: That photograph is mine! Blair storms out
Chuck: She stole my shoes?
Blair: S. What are you doing?
Serena: What are you guys doing sabotaging Carter? Three bottles of ’95 Dom on his hotel room service bill. One of your favorites if I recall.
Chuck: So we started a stealth campaign to destroy his credibility. The room service bill, the girl on the street—
Blair: The warrant.
Serena: What warrant?
Blair: Well he might want to take a DNA sample down to the 24th Precinct tomorrow.
Serena: I went looking for him.
Blair: Who?
Serena: My father. I found out he was getting remarried two years ago in Santorini.
Chuck: Finally. What happened in Santorini?
Serena: I wanted to see him but I didn’t want anyone to know. So I went to Carter. He said he had access to a boat. When the police picked us up on the way to the wedding I realized access meant stolen.
Carter promised he’d make it up to me. I had no idea he’s been looking for my father himself.
Blair: And did he find him?
Serena: You know, I have to go. As Serena leaves Blair eyes Chuck
Chuck: Fine. I’ll call my guy at the precinct.
MacPherson: Nice photo.
Chuck: Thanks. Chuck Bass. Big fan. By the way, when your lease at the Empire Hotel isn’t renewed, thank bright eyes here.
Dan de Fleurette
Blair: NYU is hell.
Chuck: Well what do you expect from a place where the men wear sandals.
Chuck: Sure you said cram session and not the annual Waldorf sleep over?
Blair: Fine. I’m hosting the sleep over. But Jenny Humphrey is destroying everything I worked for. And those girls deserve to learn the meaning of aristocracy.
Chuck: We both know it’s not about that.
Blair: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Jenny: Congratulations. Your girlfriend’s installed a puppet regime.
Chuck: Blair’s gone Colonel Kurtz. She needs to be brought back to reality. Help me. And I’ll help you take back the crown.
Jenny: Why? They don’t want my kind of leadership. They want a tyrant who will police their behavior and chart their movement on the social ladder. Find someone else.
Chuck: I need you. You’re fooling yourself if you don’t think you were born to rule this school.
Jenny: People change, Chuck.
Chuck: Not you. Not about this. Jenny Humphrey who used to sit in Brooklyn and watch the lights across the water. Who went toe-to-toe with Blair Waldorf and actually won her respect. You can’t tell me that girl’s not still in there.
Blair: Do you have any idea how much you humiliated me?
Chuck: I think you accomplished that with your little teeny bopper sleep over. NYU is hard, but Blair Waldorf does not give up.
Blair: I’m not giving up. I’ve made a strategic retreat.
Chuck: Potato, potah-to.
Blair: You don’t understand.
Chuck: I do understand. Let me help.
Blair: No, Chuck. NYU is not the Upper East Side. They don’t care about Constance or the social hierarchy. They don’t care that I’m Blair Waldorf. It’s over.
Chuck: And you’d do this to me?
Blair: What are you talking about?
Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You’re saying I’m easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You’d really insult me like this?
Blair: That’s not how it is.
Chuck: That’s exactly how it is. So next time you forget you’re Blair Waldorf, remember: I’m Chuck Bass. And I love you.
Rufus Getting Married
Bree: Carter Baizen? Is he in town? I heard he was away on business.
Blair: He is. Traveling is so important. Bree, have you ever thought of traveling? Somewhere very far away.
Chuck: I wasn’t aware you knew Carter.
Bree: Yeah. Our families used to vacation together on Sea Island. I’ve been trying to track him down.
Nate: Blair.
Blair: What?
Chuck: I’ll go apologize for my girlfriend.
Blair: Carter is not who you think he is. I know you don’t like to discuss this but he wasn’t the cause of my spiral. Just a symptom. And he makes Serena truly happy. What is this? This is incredible.
Chuck: Buntautuk. I learned it from a master in Chiang Mai. Serena’s deluded. The guy’s not capable of genuine feelings.
Blair: He’s brought out a different side of her. All happy and domestic, nested up at my mother’s.
Chuck: Carter’s at your penthouse? Why wouldn’t you tell Bree that when you asked?
Blair: He got in last night. She just called me a few hours ago. Anyway, why would I tell that future NASCAR mom anything? I hate her. And the tractor she rode in on.
Chuck: What you hate is Nate moving on. Look I love you, but Nate liking Bree doesn’t make her a piranha. And Serena liking Carter doesn’t make him a prince.
Blair: Hey, where’re you going? I have tension!
Chuck: I’m giving you a choice. You can go to the wedding and tell Serena the ugly truth. Even if by some chance she can stomach you after that, you still have to deal with Bree. And her family. And a little thing I like to call “Southern Justice”.
Carter: Or?
Chuck: I’m getting sick of being your travel agent. This ticket’s the last. And it’s one way.
Chuck: Hey. Been looking for you. You okay?
Serena: Not really. Carter told me some stuff and it turns out he’s not the person I thought he was. The person he is, I don’t really want to know.
Chuck: Look, I may loathe the guy
but he didn’t have to own up to anything. He could have skipped town. I even bought him a ticket. He risked a lot going to the wedding. Knowing Bree would be there.
Enough About Eve
Chuck: I must confess. I missed our little game. Although your lady is late.
Blair: There she is now.
Chuck: She’s a guy.
Blair: Who took my speech at the freshman dinner and gave it to Vanessa Abrams. He double-crossed me. And I—
Chuck: Demand satisfaction.
Blair: You still up for it? My wonderful man. I’ll just go powder my nose for ten minutes.
Chuck: I don’t even need five.
Ellis: Can I help you?
Chuck: Oh definitely.
Chuck: You were late.
Blair: I got caught in a text flurry with Dorota. I’m sorry.
Chuck: I have to get Uptown for a dinner. I assume you’re skipping the parents thing.
Blair: I may pop in for Vanessa’s toast. Just for laughs. Are you upset because you kissed a guy?
Chuck: I’m upset because it’s somebody that wasn’t you. You really think I’ve never kissed a guy before?
Blair: Love me?
Chuck: Always.
Chuck: You there. One of Blair’s new minions, aren’t you.
New Mean Girl: You’re Chuck Bass. Blair said you couldn’t come.
Chuck: Dinner cancelled. The Emir had to fly home. Something about a revolution.
Chuck: What do you want Blair?
Blair: Forgiveness. I’m so sorry Chuck. I made a mistake. I know there’s no excuse but, it’s just a kiss.
Chuck: The people you manipulate. I know how little respect you have for them.
Blair: But not you. I don’t feel that way about you. And I won’t ever do it again. I promise. It was a mistake.
Chuck: I’m in a meeting.
Blair: I’ll call you later.
How to Succeed In Bassness
Blair: I was thinking an 80s theme. Although shoulder pads can be overwhelming on my delicate frame.
Chuck: This is a business, not a high school party.
Blair: I told you I was sorry for my little transgression and you forgave me. Now either make me kiss a girl already or let’s move on.
Chuck: I apologize. I’ve been on edge lately.
Chuck: I no longer have time for the establishment to accept me. I need them to come begging. I want to open my club tomorrow. Halloween.
See. My idea.
Serena: Okay, tomorrow. Absolutely.
Chuck: And Serena, I don’t want Blair anywhere near this.
Nate: I’m surprised Blair isn’t here. What, are you guys in another fight?
Chuck: A fight implies time and energy. This is more of an ongoing detached distrust.
Blair: You’re still mad from before. It’s clouding your judgment.
Chuck: This is not about last week. It’s about you, Blair. It’s the reason why I couldn’t say “I love you.” It’s not a game. It’s because I knew I couldn’t trust you.
Blair: I did this because I love you.
Chuck: Be that as it may, I have a club to open. And you’re no longer invited.
Blair: Fine. S, c’mon. We’re leaving.
Serena: Blair, I’m sorry. I’m gonna stay with Chuck.
The Grandfather: Part II
Chuck: Don’t tell me after eighteen years you can’t read Waldorf’s subtext.
Serena: I shouldn’t have to. If that’s what she is feeling then she should tell me. It is time for her to grow up.
Chuck: This coming from someone who just pushed their best friend into a cake.
They Shoot Humphreys, Don’t They?
Chuck: Do you really think I want to spend the weekend watching girls with tramp stamps work out their daddy issues?
Chuck: Isn’t it about time you and Serena made up? You love cotillion. You should be doing it together.
Nate: What are she and Serena fighting about this time?
Chuck: Basically how each one loves the other more than the other loves her.
Nate: Can you even fight about that?
Blair: I’m trapped in the elevator with someone who sucks all the air out of the room. Send help or I’ll be dead within the hour.
Chuck: Not until you two work things out.
Blair: Bass? This is a punishable offense! And not the kind of punishment you like.
Chuck: I’m only doing what you refuse to do yourself.
The Last Days of Disco Stick
Jenny: I’m going to go use the restroom.
Damien: No, sit down. [] hand in here. And just test the product, yeah?
Chuck: That won’t be necessary.
Jenny: Chuck, what are you doing here?
Chuck: I got your message. Had housekeeping do an early turndown service on Damien’s room. That’s where they found his stash. I have my own experience in the ball pond. I’m taking you home. You and your father have until noon to collect your luggage. After that it’s in the river.
Jenny: Chuck, you’re totally overreacting. I’m really fine.
Damien: Dude, the lady said she’s fine.
Chuck: Dude. I’m Chuck Bass. Even Europeans must know what that means.
The Treasure of Serena Madre
Chuck: Fifteen hours. It’s a record. You haven’t mentioned Serena once.
Blair: Well for much of that time I was asleep. But since you’re asking, I’ve decided I’m putting her out of my mind. Besides, I have a far more cunning and deceptive adversary to deal with.
Chuck: And when does your mother land again?
Blair: Twenty minutes. Flying from Paris to escort me back. How dumb does she think I am? She has some bomb she wants to drop on me in a controlled environment surrounded by Air Marshals and French people.
Chuck: Amazing. The holiday paranoia truly knows no bounds.
Chuck: A little Thanksgiving Proclamation: If you two ever play grab-ass in my elevator again, Serena will be staying at an airport Marriott. Happy Holidays.
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The Debarted
Blair: This whole Scrooge act? You should be at home today. Or laying flowers on your father’s grave. I know today is the anniversary of his death.
Chuck: Why don’t you take the car and meet me at the hotel later for lunch. We’ll have our quiet time then.
Blair: Fine. Pretend like you never get sad.
Bart: You opened your heart to Blair. And it made you weak. You can not be one person at work and another one at home. If you’re soft, you’re soft. And well, let’s face it. You’re soft.
Chuck: How’s Serena?
Blair: She’s gonna be okay.
Chuck: Lily’s here? Eric’s here?
Blair: Everyone’s here, Chuck.
Chuck: My father always thought I was weak. And in the moment that mattered most, I was. I couldn’t be there when he ah— I left. Ran away. I’ve been pushing myself to prove him wrong and… pushing you away.
The Hurt Locket
Gossip Girl: It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Seems Dickens knew something about life on the Upper East Side. Where the only thing you can count on is that time changes everything. Word has it S. gave up on politics to focus on issues closer to her heart.
Serena: I can’t believe Nate’s finally coming home tomorrow.
Blair: I feel the same way about Dorota’s return. I never should have agreed to let her spend the holidays with Vanya.
Serena: Did I tell you that he texts me every night before he goes to sleep. It’s so sweet.
Blair: Sexting is not sweet. It’s off limits until you’re in a relationship. You haven’t even been on a date.
Serena: Well you’ll be happy to know he asked me to go to a dinner for the French ambassador tomorrow night.
Blair: Oh. Well chastity belts go very well with formal wear.
Blair: You know how torturous it is for me to find shiny things that aren’t intended for me.
Chuck: It’s just a worthless trinket some woman left by my father’s grave.
Blair: And you aren’t even the least bit curious about someone who wears your father around her neck?
Chuck: One of his concubines had his name tattooed on her ass. I have more important things to do than search for another member of the female Bart Bass Fan Club.
Blair: Like helping me achieve the college experience I so greatly deserve?
Lily: So how was your mom’s? I’m sure your dad called every day.
Jenny: Well he v-chatted for present opening. You didn’t want to go to Telluride with him, huh? I can’t say I blame you. Those Lincoln Hawk guys can be kind of annoying.
Lily: Well he was so excited when it came up I couldn’t stand for him to miss out.
Lily: So. Your father and I haven’t really discussed you having boys alone in your room. So maybe just keep the door open?
Jenny: Lily, if we wanted to have sex we’d just go to a hotel. And seriously, it’s not like that with us.
Lily: Well what is it like? I mean he seems happy to see you—
Jenny: I’ll open the door if anything changes.
Lily: Oh! And you wouldn’t happen to know when your father was coming back? Larissa accidentally lost the itinerary.
Jenny: I think he said today, but just… call him and ask.
Damien: I have a puzzle that needs solving. And I know how much you Humphreys like games.
Gossip Girl: With enough time, we all find what we’re looking for. Even if it was there all along. And when time slows and suddenly every moment counts, all you want is for this time to last forever.
Nate: Hey. Wha? I’m not that late.
Dan: I’m sorry, man. I was just hoping you were Vanessa.
Nate: Oh, you invited Vanessa here too?
Dan: No. Not exactly. But she does spend a lot of time here.
Nate: I take it that means you still haven’t talked to her.
Dan: Or gotten a text. Or seen her. It’s my fault—I moved too fast, you know? I read like five self-help blogs about how to turn friends into lovers. Yes they use that word. I was a little down at my mom’s place.
Serena: Hey.
Blair: Oh. Looks like my advice went the way of the clog.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Blair: The clog? An ugly wooden show that tried to make a statement and then disappeared. Just like your resolve to take things slow with Nate.
Dan: I dated Serena for over a year. And if you want to make things work you’re going to have to be able come up for air. Which is really not her favorite thing to do.
Blair: You are the one Nate has always wanted and could never have. It’s like a diet. After years of starvation you can’t just let him gorge on sundaes. He’ll panic and decide he hates ice cream.
Serena: Except I’m not ice cream and Nate and I don’t need to play games.
Blair: Everyone needs to play games. Look you’ve already failed to come out of the gate with any restraint or control. Now all you can do is introduce some competition. Make him work for it.
Serena: Blair! That’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard.
Blair: Mm hm. Just wait ’til he starts passing on dessert.
Jenny: I can wear it. I can make this only in mine the pailettes won’t be empty.
Damien: You put the pills in the jacket?
Jenny: Yeah. I wear it to the dinner, check it, and then Violette and I switch coat check tags. I take her coat—
Damien: —and she’ll leave with yours. That’s not bad.
Jenny: Not bad! C’mon, it’s brilliant.
Dan: Lily.
Lily: Oh, hello Daniel.
Dan: What are you doing in Brooklyn?
Lily: Uh. I was hoping your father would be here.
Dan: He was supposed to be back this morning. Can’t imagine he’d come here before going to see you.
Lily: Well I just figured since he hadn’t seen you over the holidays. You know how sentimental he is.
Lily: Well you know what? Maybe he decided to stay and ski another day.
Dan: Oh yeah, I don’t think that’s what happened.
Lily: Well. I should go. If you see him, tell him I stopped by.
Blair: Vronsky, where are you? Anna Karenina texted you an hour ago. She wants to celebrate.
Chuck: Look, I’m sorry but Anna will have to wait. I’m about to walk into a meeting.
Blair: Monsieur [D’Uri]? Are you bringing him here to surprise me?
Chuck: As it turns out I wasn’t able to attend the lunch.
Blair: Are you in the hospital? Since I know that you’re alive there could be no other possible reason you would sacrifice my entire future.
Nate: Woah. Hey Blair.
Blair: It’s Anna Karenina. You never read it. Don’t worry about it.
Nate: I never do.
Gossip Girl: Heure, hora, [laat?]. No matter what language you say it in, looks like S. just started the clock on a ticking time bomb.
Rufus: I thought you’d be at school by now.
Dan: I thought you lived on the Upper East Side with your wife.
Rufus: I’m not willing to explain myself, Dan.
Dan: Alright fine. You can make your own damn waffles.
Rufus: C’mon, Dan.
Dan: Listen, you’re the one who’s always saying to be honest and talk about things, so… I really hope you’re not going to let your marriage die because you’re scared to take your own advice.
Damien: We’re going to have to do our little dinner some other time.
Jenny: What? I thought we were going to do this together. It’s my plan.
Damien: Yeah. And I thank you. It’s just that… anyone can check the jacket. Jenny’s not buying it. Um… I’m going with someone else. Serena, actually. We’re old friends from boarding school.
Jenny: Serena’s with Nate now.
Damien: I don’t know about that. She’s the one that called and asked me.
Jenny: Well you know she’s changed since boarding school and ah, there’s no way she’s going to go to a state dinner wearing a jacket filled with pills.
Damien: I probably won’t tell her about that then.
Jenny: Well then maybe I will.
Damien: See if you were to do that then I’d have to tell her how you know obviously. Anyway. Don’t worry. You’ll still get your cut.
Chuck: I know you may find this hard to comprehend, but some things are more important than your social climbing agenda.
Nate: You came with him?
Serena: You came with her? I think you’re in the wrong place. Prom is down the street.
Nate: Oh that’s fine. I’ll just let you get back to your Euro fun.
Jenny: Serena, I love your jacket. It’s so beautiful.
Yeah, actually let me help you with that.
Serena: No, it’s okay. I’m going to keep it on. It’s so pretty and it was a gift from you.
Gossip Girl: So much for diplomacy. Let the international games begin.
Blair: Serena! And not Nate. Hi. I’m Blair.
Damien: Damien. Pleasure.
Blair: I see you took my advice. It’s good to keep Nate on his toes. And nice choice of competition.
Serena: Thank you. Your idea’s completely juvenile. But it seems to be working. I still can’t believe he came with Jenny though.
Blair: If I know Jenny, she came with him.
Serena: Blair, you know don’t need Chuck. Anyone that meets you can see you’re an elitist snob who’s perfect to run a secret society. Bon chance!
Blair: Chuck. I knew you’d see the error of your ways. Monsieur Durie just stepped out for his cigarette break. Which gives us two and a half minutes, maybe four if it’s a Galoise.
Blair: You know your mother died during childbirth.
Chuck: What if she didn’t? What if it was just another of my father’s many lies?
Blair: Look. It makes sense that when you finally let your father go your mother would reappear.
Chuck: She’s not a ghost Blair.
Blair: Whoever she is, it just seems like she’ll make losing your mom hurt all over again.
Chuck: Do you really think anything could be more painful than killing my own mother and having my father hate me for it my whole life. If there is any chance this isn’t what happened I have to know.
Gossip Girl: Sometimes, despite the risk, the only thing to do is seize the moment. Or whatever else you can grab.
Rufus: We need to talk.
Lily: Rufus. Finally! I must have called you a hundred times.
Rufus: I told you I’d call you back when I was ready.
Lily: I guess I just didn’t expect it to take quite so long.
Rufus: Well I guess you should have thought about that before you spent the night in a hotel room with your ex-husband.
Elizabeth: I’m sorry I can’t help you find whatever it is you’re looking for.
Blair: Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: I already told your friend everything I know.
Blair: And he may have bought it, but I originated that innocent, doe-eyed stare. I usually employ it when I know more than I’m willing to let on. Chuck spent his entire life believing that he killed his mother. If you know anything thatt could take away even a second of that pain it would be cruel not to share it. Otherwise leaving town means never having to say you’re sorry.
Gossip Girl: Could there be a secret even B can’t crack? Only time will tell.
Gossip Girl: With enough time eventually we all see what was right in front of us. And realize no matter how long it took, it was worth the wait.
Blair: Are you all right?
I spent eighteen years accepting the fact that my mother was dead. It was misguided to let one of my father’s girlfriends allow me to question that. To hope things may be different.
Blair: Your real mother would never turn her back on a chance to know you.
I don’t have a real mother, Blair. I never will.
Blair: That doesn’t mean you’re aloone. I love you, Chuck. And I’ll always be your family.
Gossip Girl: But for some, that time never comes. Instead of healing old wounds, the wait just open new ones. Time after time. XOXO — Gossip Girl
The Lady Vanished
Nate: Chuck, how is that even possible? Bart told you your mother died.
Chuck: He also told me that kids wear suits to kindergarten and that blue chip stocks were great for birthday gifts. He told me what I wanted to believe.
Chuck: A Blair Waldorf apology without a caveat. Sounds serious.
Chuck: Even if she is my mother, she isn’t. It doesn’t change anything. The past belongs to the past.
Chuck: You were looking for a fairy tale ending. Next time rent a movie. Leave me out of it.
The Sixteen-Year-Old Virgin
Chuck: If you are who you say you are, then you won’t mind me doing a DNA test, right?
Elizabeth: I should have known you would never let me in. You are your father’s son.
Lily walks over to Chuck and gives him a big hug
Chuck: I have a feeling you’re to thank for the turn out tonight.
Lily: Well they support you. None of us believes slander.
Chuck: Well thank you. That means more to me than you know.
Lily: Did you come here alone? I thought you would bring Blair and maybe someone else you wanted me to meet.
Chuck: I’m solo tonight.
Lily: Me too. They hug again
Chuck: Thank you.
Doug: Actually, things have taken a turn. We’re getting attacked by Christian Conservatives.
Chuck: We have those in Manhattan?
Doug: The Family Travel Council is organizing the boycott. You’d be shocked how much influence they have.
Chuck: That’s the kind of thing that would only entice my target clientele.
Doug: I don’t think the business has the luxury of waiting around to see.
Blair: What’s wrong?
Chuck: A boycott. Doug says I have no choice but to sign my hotel over to someone
else. Jack nominated himself.
Blair: Of course he did. I can take over.
Chuck: I don’t think signing the hotel over to my nineteen-year-old girlfriend would ease the public’s mind.
Blair: What about Lily?
Chuck: She’s Bass Industries. The last thing I want is my father’s company bailing me out.
Blair: I don’t see what choice you have. What’s that?
Chuck: DNA results. Looks like I have another choice.
Chuck: What are we celebrating? The lawsuit? The scandal? Or the fact that I just signed over my hotel?
Blair: We’re celebrating you. Opening your heart to your mother. And me. Being the woman who encouraged you to do it.
The Empire Strikes Jack
Blair: There’s something about waking up the morning of a fashion show, the smell of pleats wafting through the city.
Chuck: Nothing quickens your blood more than haute couture.
Chuck: Victor. Is everything alright?
Victor: Mr. Bass, you need to vacate the premises immediately.
Chuck: I think you’ve misunderstood. I may have put my mother in charge for the time being but I’m not leaving the hotel.
Victor: Actually, sir. These orders come from her.
Elizabeth: Chuck!
Chuck: Did you send security to kick me out?
Elizabeth: Just listen. I—
Jack: No. Let me. Morning, Nephew.
Chuck: What is this leech doing stuck to my hotel?
Jack: Your hotel? This is Elizabeth’s hotel. You’re just a guest who’s no longer welcome here.
Elizabeth: I’m sorry, Chuck. You need to leave.
Chuck: What? Wait. What the hell is going on here?
Jack: Isn’t it obvious? You’ve been played, Chucky. From the very beginning.
Blair: Chuck, are you okay?
Nate: Hey. What’s going on?
Chuck: It would appear we’ve all been players in a Jack Bass production. The reappearance of my mother, the lawsuit. It’s all been part of an elaborate ruse to get me to sign over my hotel to Elizabeth. You have to admire his handiwork.
Elizabeth: Underneath it all he’s a kind, loving person.
Chuck: What kind of loving person would convince you to do this to me?
Elizabeth: I need Jack. And I believe he needs me too. He loves me.
Chuck: If you believe that, then you deserve whatever happens next.
Chuck: It’s over. The Empire is gone.
Chuck: Stay. Not for Jack, or the hotel. Stay for me. I already lost my mother once.
Elizabeth: Chuck, I’m not your mother. I don’t know if your real mother is alive or not but I’m sure she loved you very much. And that she’s nothing like me.
Chuck: You’re right. Because my real mother could never have done to me what you did.
Blair: Chuck, are you okay? Elizabeth—
Chuck: Is dead to me. She’s gone.
Blair: And the hotel?
Chuck: Oh… lost.
Blair: Oh, Chuck.
Chuck: What? Sorry? Don’t be. I’m not. I’ve come this far without my mother, I’m not backing down now.
Blair: Well, if it’s a war Jack wants it’s a war he’ll get.
Inglourious Bassterds
Jack: It’s an interesting feeling, holding another man’s prized possession. You wonder how far he’ll go to get it back. If there’s anything he wouldn’t do.
Chuck: I will do anything.
Jack: Well there is something that caught my eye.
Blair: How was your meeting with Jack?
Chuck: I was wrong to think I could negotiate with terrorists.
Blair: When you bought the Empire, you told me you knew you could do it because I believe in you. That hasn’t changed—you’ll find a way.
Chuck: When are you going to get it? There is no way.
Chuck: I am everything my father said I was.
Nate: Hey, c’mon. Game’s starting. Let’s go.
Chuck: I’m already dead.
Nate: You still have your photo.
Chuck: A formality. I’ll tell you what, you can kill me again if you like.
Serena: Hey Chuck. Have you seen Blair?
Chuck: I assume she’s still slaying.
Chuck: I can’t let my feelings cost me all I’ve built.
Blair: Even if it means losing me instead? All I ever did was love you.
Chuck: The worst thing I ever did. The darkest thought I ever had. You said you would stand by me through anything. This, Blair, is anything.
Jack: Welcome home, Chuck. You’re not mad at me are you? I mean you didn’t actually believe Blair could sleep with me and you two would be okay? Or are you mad because I told her.
Chuck: You may have told her, but Blair and I will get past this.
Jack: Is that what you think? Don’t you get it Chuck? Blair’s seen the real you now. It’s over. She could never love that. No one could. I hope the Empire is everything you wanted. Because now it’s all you’ve got.
The Unblairable Lightness of Being
Serena: Want to tell us what’s going on?
Chuck: I thought our relationship could withstand anything. Apparently I was wrong.
Serena: Well you still love her don’t you? Then show her that you’re sorry. Take her to Blue Hill Upstate or buy her those Louboutins at Saks.
Chuck: I could buy Saks itself and it still wouldn’t be enough. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I tried.
Serena: When?
Nate: Look, you haven’t been outside in days.
Chuck: She asked me to leave her alone.
Serena: You don’t want to wait too long, Chuck, or she’ll think you don’t care.
Chuck: Well. I haven’t heard that much overwrought Polish drama since I cancelled my BAM subscription. What is going on?
Dorota: Please. Miss Blair, Mr. Chuck. Will you be happy couple for Vanya and me?
Chuck: Well I can’t speak for Blair but it would be my great pleasure.
Chuck: You look like you need a task.
Blair: What I need is a Zofran. All this disingenuous generosity is making me want to vomit.
Chuck: There’s nothing disingenuous about it. I’m happy I can give Dorota and Vanya the dream wedding that they deserve.
Blair: The only reason you’re giving it is so you can spend time with me. You know weddings are my weakness.
Chuck: Really? It never occurred to me.
Blair: Everything occurs to you, Chuck.
Chuck: Blair, you and I are magnetic. You can feel it. The pull is as undeniable as ever.
Blair: It’s different this time.
Chuck: It doesn’t have to be. I love you. Saying it was hard but I did and I’ve never looked back. So now I’m asking you, please do this for me. Please forgive me.
Blair: I’m sorry. I can’t.
Nate: I know what you did.
Chuck: Blair told you.
Nate: Yeah, she did. She didn’t want to, but she did. I mean this time you have crossed a line.
Chuck: In your rush to pass judgment, did you ever consider you don’t know the entire truth. What exactly did Blair say?
Nate: That you traded her for the hotel. No. No, you deserve to be alone.
Chuck: I may be heartless, but you’re naive. I made the deal, sure. But Blair didn’t know that when she went to Jack. I guess she left that part out. I can feel your brain strain, Nathaniel. I don’t expect you to understand.
Nate: What’s that supposed to mean?
Chuck: You and Serena have it easy. Until now your biggest concern is who’s hair is shinier. Did she tell you where she was this morning?
Nate: She went to breakfast at the Humphrey’s, what does it matter?
Chuck: Well, did she tell you
Carter Baizen’s back in town? Because my friend at the Regis did. And guess who he saw with Carter this morning.
Nate: No. You have no idea what you’re even talking about.
Chuck: No, you have no idea what I’m talking about, and that’s the problem.
Russian Chick: Chuck Bass. I hear a lot about you. You’re infamous in Brighton Beach.
Chuck: I’m guessing so are you.
Chuck: Looks like we might win.
Blair: Well you can have the doll. I’m sure you’ll know what to do with five women with removable heads.
Blair: Everything you said last night was true. We’re both sick and twisted. If you think about it, we’re incredibly fortunate to have even found each other.
Chuck: Blair, I don’t want this to be you settling. Some sort of consolation.
Blair: We both hit rock bottom, Chuck. But we’ve hit it together. At least we won’t be lonely in hell.
Blair: I want what Dorota and Vanya have. Real love. Pure and simple love.
Chuck: You’d be bored within five minutes.
Blair: Better bored than ashamed of myself. I would do anything for you, Chuck. But what if that’s wrong? I never thought it was possible to love someone too much but maybe it is. I don’t like who I’ve become with you.
Chuck: Wait. Blair. Don’t bail on me. We have to see this through ’til the end.
Blair: This is the end, Chuck.
Nate: Hey Chuck, what are you doing?
Chuck: Don’t look so surprised. I’m single now. This is who I am.
Dr. Estrangeloved
Jenny: You look like hell.
Chuck: Small price to pay to feel like heaven. Where’s Archibald? Don’t tell me you two finally closed the deal.
Jenny: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Chuck.
Chuck: Please. You’ve been panting at his loafers since Serena went MIA with Carter.
Jenny: So what’s step two?
Chuck: Get him drunk, take advantage of him. Do women just not get this?
Jenny: Chuck, he’s not going to go drinking with me. He made me call my dad before I slept over.
Chuck: Be here. Six o’clock sharp. And look like someone who doesn’t even have a father.
Blair: You twisted, manipulative psychopath! How could you?
Chuck: You’re going to have to be a tad more specific. It’s been a busy few days.
Blair: My party.
Chuck: Right. I heard about your little rebound reception. Good for you. Moving on.
Blair: So you’re just going to pretend like you had nothing to do with the fact that no one showed up. Like you didn’t put a dating fatwa on me. We’re over, Chuck. Unclench.
Chuck: To set the record straight, I didn’t put a fatwa on you. The reason no one showed up today is because no one could ever measure up to what we had. I’m obviously not the only guy who knows that.
Blair: Fine. If you won’t move on, I will. There are plenty of guys outside the Upper East Side and by this time tomorrow, everyone in the five boroughs will know that Chuck Bass’ threats mean nothing.
Chuck: What’s your problem?
Nate: You know what you did to Blair.
Chuck: And I’m paying for it.
Nate: Yeah. Seems like you’re having the time of your life.
Chuck: After all these years you can’t see through one of my smoke screens. I’m not asking for forgiveness, Nathaniel. I did what I did. But we have been best friends since before I can remember and I thought… I know Serena went with Carter and I know she’s back. I just thought you could use a drink. Maybe get out of the city. Even if it’s with me.
Nate: Yeah. Getting out of the city sounds like a good idea. What did you have in mind?
Chuck: Brooklyn, actually. And I invited along a tour guide.
Chuck: I haven’t read any posts on Gossip Girl yet. I guess my ban works in the provinces.
Blair: I knew it. I knew you’d fatwa’d me.
Chuck: And I knew you couldn’t break it.
Blair: You’re wrong. I could have.
Chuck: Then why didn’t you?
Blair: Because I suddenly realized it— the way to get over you wasn’t by hooking up with some random guy. Or pretending we didn’t happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I’d been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I’m gonna kiss somebody someday. And when I do, it’ll be for me. Goodbye, Chuck. I’m going home.
It’s a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World
Blair: We’ve broken up, Chuck. And frankly I don’t care what I do. But I can’t sit by and just watch you avoid Lily.
Chuck: I’m actually quite busy with my work.
Blair: Well you had time for Nadine.
Chuck: Trust me, she was work. And I promise you, Lily is not sitting around wondering when she’s going to hear from Chuck Bass.
Blair: Justify not seeing Lily all you want. You and I both know what this is. You’ve lost Bart, Elizabeth betrayed you, and the thought of losing Lily terrifies you.
Chuck: Please. Spare me your NYU freshman psych analysis. Perhaps if you were at an Ivy you’d have better insight.
Chuck: I want to apologize. My absence has been inexcusable.
Lily: Well I know my situation brings up a lot of issues for you. You’ve had to deal with so much loss.
Chuck: I’m not going to lose you. I’m here for you. Every step of the way. You look good, Lily. In fact you look better than good. You look great.
Lily: Thank you. I feel great. So you had better be prepared for a lifetime of family brunches because I’m not going anywhere.
Ex-Husbands and Wives
Chuck: Good thing you’re not a drug dealer anymore. That girl you sold Lily’s fake Oxy to wanted double what she paid just to give me the bottle back.
Jenny: So what’d you find out?
Chuck: My personal pharmacist is looking into it.
Jenny: Do you trust him to know if they’re bad for Lily?
Chuck: He appreciates a fine pharmaceutical. Why are you whispering? If it’s a seduction technique, don’t bother.
Jenny: Ew! You wish.
Chuck: Lily’s pills are ivermectin. They’re great at battling parasites and African River Blindness. But lymphoma, not so much.
Jenny: Well is it dangerous? I mean, does she know what she’s taking?
Chuck: What we need to find out is who prescribed them and when.
Jenny: I wish I didn’t rip the label off the bottle. I don’t remember what it said.
Chuck: The date and the drugstore were still legible. Which was enough to track down the prescribing doctor. Luckily pharmacists don’t make enough to turn down bribes.
Jenny: Okay. So what’s next?
Chuck: The mission requires an expert. Someone highly trained in the art of extorting information.
Jenny: You’re not seriously going to use this to try to get back with Blair.
Chuck: My priority is the truth. If she’s the one who can expose it—
Jenny: Then you’ll take advantage of that to make sure she doesn’t move on. Alright, I get it.
Chuck: Let’s just hope she’s willing to make herself available.
Jenny: I still don’t see why we need Blair for this. I mean don’t you read Gossip Girl? Extortion’s what I do. All day.
Chuck: This is more than headbands and high school.
Blair: The two of you here together. Please tell me there’s an explanation that doesn’t involve the Apocalypse.
Chuck: We come in peace. And with a purpose. Something’s going on with Lily’s medication. I need your mind game mastery to figure out what.
Blair: Who are you, House? I’m sure Dr. van der Woodsen knows what he’s doing.
Chuck: It’s not van der Woodsen. It’s a psychiatrist. I have an address.
Jenny: It’s weird, right? Lily so does not seem like she’s in therapy.
Blair: And you so should be. But as much as I admire the attempt to lure me back with subversive sleuthing, and appreciative as I am for your help with Columbia, the answer’s no.
Chuck: Blair, I need to find out why someone doesn’t want Lily getting better.
Blair: A heartfelt plea as well. And much more effective than a fatwa. But you obviously already know that I have a date today. And nothing you can dangle will make me miss it. Next time don’t bring Jenny Humphrey.
Chuck: What brings you and your mid-level entourage? Nothing personal.
Blair: We’re looking for Holland who claims she slept with Rufus.
Chuck: Yes. Dr. Holland Kemble.
Dan: Maybe I’m stating the obvious here, but shouldn’t we just tell Lily?
Chuck: Tell her what? “Jenny tried to sell your mislabeled meds which came from the woman who said she slept with your husband”?
Blair: We have to get to Holland first. She’s the one who can connect all the dots. And then we go to Lily.
Chuck: I’m sorry your new beau had to abandon our mission.
Blair: Well he had a dinner with the rugby team.
Chuck: How homoerotic.
Chuck: As if watching Audrey Hepburn movies isn’t manhood-shriveling enough, I now have to talk about my feelings!
Blair: Those movies are the only romance I have in my life. He loves his work more than he loves me.
Chuck: I know you felt it.
Blair: We were caught up in a scheme. And it was role play.
Chuck: It was real. I know you feel it right now.
Blair: Doesn’t change anything. Holland may be crazy, but she was right. No matter what I feel or don’t, we’re not safe.
Chuck: I did the most dangerous thing I could when I said I love you. But it was worth it. If I got through my fear for you, you can get through yours for me. You have until tomorrow to decide.
Blair: What?
Chuck: We’re never going to be safe. So are you brave enough or aren’t you? I’ll be waiting at the top of the Empire State Building.
Blair: You can’t Affair to Remember me.
Chuck: If you’re not there tomorrow at 7:01 I’m closing my heart to you forever.
Blair: I won’t be there.
Last Tango, Then Paris
Serena: Chuck—
Chuck: Look, before you go and use whatever line you’ve prepared, think hard. Nate knows who he loves and what he wants. So unless you can say the same, look him in the eye and tell him that. Or stop playing games. Nate walks in. Courage, ma soeur.
Chuck: The world you’re looking for only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it is because I always knew it was empty.
Chuck: Blair, I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t care if I lived or died. Jenny Humphrey was—
Blair: Don’t! Don’t say her name! Or anything else to me ever again. This whole night didn’t happen.
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