The Undergraduates
Blair: I don’t understand. How can Gossip Girl be down my first day at Columbia?
Dorota: Maybe Gossip Girl get kidnapped. Unstable ex-boyfriend lock internet—
Blair: Dorota! What did I tell you? No more watching Law and Order: SVU while you’re breastfeeding.
Goodbye, Columbia
Serena: What is going on?
Dorota: It’s better not to know. Plausible deniability.
War at the Roses
Dorota: Happy to have you home, Miss. Eleanor.
Eleanor: You didn’t think I would miss throwing my only child a 20th birthday party.
Blair: Mother you do know that my actual birthday isn’t until next week, don’t you?
Eleanor: Twenty-three hours of labor, I am not likely to forget.
Blair: Dorota, what’s going on with me?
Dorota: You aren’t fighting with Mr. Chuck so you fight with everyone else.
Dorota: She borrow my tiara. She not give it back yet. But that’s okay. She is 20, she deserve 20 tiaras. She has great heart, style and grace. Even when she get mad. Happy Birthday Miss Blair!
Juliet Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
Dorota: If KGB can’t get me to talk, Chuck Bass has no chance.
Gaslit
Blair: Strolling the Christmas markets with Daddy and Roman. Celebrating the Beaujolais Nouveau at Le Tambour. Did you remember my new Burberry?
Dorota: Yes.
Blair: That’s the double-faced. I need the shearling. Do you want me to freeze?
Dorota: Yes. I want you to freeze.
Blair: Why aren’t you excited for me? You know how much I love Paris in Autumn.
Dorota: With everything that’s happened with Mr. Chuck and Miss Serena I also know that you want to get out of the Dodge.
Blair: “Out of Dodge”. It’s a place not a pick-up truck. And I’m not leaving because of them. Dorota gives her a look. Well not entirely because of them.
Dorota: It’s Ana’s first holiday season. So many traditions to share. The breaking of oplatek, the waiting for first star. The singing kolenda….
Blair: Do any of these traditions include getting to the point?
Dorota: I took liberty of making Harold’s famous Thanksgiving pie for you.
Blair: I’m not sure that’s getting through airport security.
Dorota: I thought maybe we could drop it off at van der Woodsen’s on way to airport.
Blair: Serena is the one who forced Chuck and me into the open and tried going after my committee. She’s the one staying at Lily’s to avoid me. Shouldn’t she be bringing me pies?
Dorota: Forget I mentioned it. I throw pie in trash.
Blair: No. It’s fine. But this is only about pies and traditions. That’s all. Do they have a word in Polish for “pain in the ass”?
While You Weren’t Sleeping
Blair: New minion—
Emily: My name is Emily.
Dorota: She has no time to care.
Empire of the Son
Blair: You’re doing it again.
Dorota: Something is different about you. I have a six sense.
Blair: You have no sense.
Dorota: You don’t come to me about any complaints about anything. You’re too happy. Content. I’m worried you join cult.
Blair: I have found my center that’s all. But—just to reassure you—here’s a complaint. Why haven’t you picked up my cocktail dress for Chuck’s party yet?
Dorota: Don’t want to make you late to…. What exhibit is it again?
Blair: Joseph Beuys. Why?
Dorota: Maybe I could go with you.
Blair: You don’t even know who he is!
Dorota: He created term “social sculpture” to illustrate idea of art’s potential to transform society.
Blair: How do you know that?
Dorota: From Mr. Humphrey’s New York magazine I found in your room!
Blair: Just what are you implying?
Dorota: Your new secrecy, calmness with Mr. Chuck, supporting Miss Serena’s new boyfriend. And last week I find NOVA documentary in your Netflix queue!
Blair: What are you doing in my queue?!
Dorota: You and Lonely Boy are having affair!
Blair: We are not. We have gone to a few things together. It started over the holidays. It’s no big deal.
Dorota: No big deal? We have to tell Miss Serena.
Blair: We will do no such thing!
Blair: You were right. This is a much better idea than spending the day pretending to like some German pedagogue of art. I’m going to shop until you drop.
Dorota: This could happen at any time.
The Kids Stay in the Picture
Blair: Take that away, Dorota! I can’t eat! I only rang to tell you to call the doctor. I think I have consumption.
Dorota: Consumption not since nineteenth century. They have vaccine.
Blair: Well then I’m dying of malaise!
Blair: You’re late.
Dorota: And you’re glowing. Why make me bring overnight bag including La Perlas?
Blair: Because. I’m going to tell that certain someone my true feelings tonight. And if everything goes as I hope, I don’t want to be caught in last year’s Chantelle.
Dorota: I don’t think Dan Humphrey will no difference.
Blair: Dan Humphrey? What are you talking about?
Dorota: The reason you take to bed. Shame from emotional affair with Lowly Boy.
Blair: It’s “Lonely Boy.” And it wasn’t an affair, just a kiss. Which made me see how much I wished it was with Chuck.
Petty in Pink
Dorota: Miss Blair, you have not taken off that shoe since it arrived. You must rest your feet.
Blair: There’s no time for rest! Didn’t you read Louis’ note? He wants to spend the day with me and we still haven’t picked out the perfect dress.
Dorota: This say “sexy and smart.”
Blair: No. It says “let’s skip dinner and make a sex tape.” Keep looking.
The Princesses and the Frog
Blair: I’m sure his parents have their hearts set on an empire-expanding union with a hapless Hapsburg, but luckily they’re in Botswana and won’t be back for two weeks. During which time, the European media will fall in love with me and win the commoners to my cause.
Dorota: Yesterday she watch Monaco play PSG at actual sports bar.
Dorota: Maybe you hear wrong. Maybe she say “carry”. Maybe he getting carried.
Blair: That doesn’t even make sense. I trusted him! I allowed myself to feel things that I only felt for you-know-who. And he lied. A big, terrible Upper East-Sized lie.
Dorota: Where he staying? Royal or no, Vanya go over there, do some damage Eastern European-style. {Louis walks in} Maybe I do damage myself!