The Ex-Files
Rufus: So what brings you down here Lily?
Lily: Oh I just thought it would be nice to say Hello. Maybe catch up.
Rufus: I was actually on my way out.
Lily: Of course. I should have called first. You’re busy with work and—
Rufus: No I just— Repo Man‘s playing at the Sunshine. You know how I love my Harry Dean Stanton.
Rufus: Lily, what are you doing here?
Lily: I don’t know.
The Serena Also Rises
Lily: There’s a Mappelthorpe that’s coming up for auction, uh—
Serena: Wait, Mappelthorpe. Isn’t that the one who took all the pictures of the naked guys?
Lily: Yeah. Um. Not just guys.
Chuck in Real Life
Bart: Did you get the little suit that I laid out for you, Serena?
Serena: That was for me? I thought the housekeepers got new uniforms.
Lily: Conservative, yes. But classic. Bart brought it from Paris. It had its own seat on his plane.
Serena: Bart bought me a suit?
Eric: New watch.
Chuck: Cash. Direct deposit into one of my offshore accounts.
Lily: I wasn’t that bad.
Eric: Our ring tone for you is “Since You’ve Been Gone”.
Gossip Girl: Just like the seasons, people have the ability to change. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does it’s almost always right.
Lily: You killed the story, didn’t you?
Bart: I already put out the hit.
There Might Be Blood
Rufus: Lily, this is none of your business.
Lily: I’m saving you from making a terrible mistake.
The Magnificent Archibalds
Lily: If there’s one thing I have learned about teenage girls, is that sometimes they need someone outside of their family to talk to.
Rufus: All that might be true, but it’s Thanksgiving. And Jenny needs to be with family.
Lily: She is. She’s with mine. Once you’ve calmed down and she’s ready to talk I’ll arrange a meeting.
Rufus: Marshmallows. Jenny likes them on her sweet potatoes.
Rufus: What’s going on? Is something wrong?
Lily: I’ve been grappling with what to do all day. What to say, which one of you to talk to.
Rufus: Are you okay?
Lily: Yes. But you might not be. I know it’s Thanksgiving but I think you should get over here right away.
Rufus: Lily?
Lily: I will see you shortly.
Bart: Dan and his father just left to look for Jenny so maybe now would be the perfect time to tell me what the hell’s been going on here today, Lily.
Lily: You first.
Bart: Where did you get those?
Lily: It doesn’t matter. Did you read these?
Serena and Eric: Only mine.
Bart: None of you were supposed to—
Lily: Find them. I can’t believe this. You did this to me and I dealt with it. But the kids—my kids—
Serena: Mom, you knew about this?
Lily: We’ll talk about that later.
Bart: I’m just trying to protect them. If you’re going to let your son and daughter go where they please and do as they please someone has to look out for them.
Lily: There’s a a difference between looking out for them and treating them like criminals in their own home. How do expect them to trust us if we don’t trust them? Okay kids, let’s go.
Bart: Where are you going?
Lily: Well this day is about family. And if you’re not for my family then I’m going to take mine and spend it with them.
Lily: The Annual Van der Woodsen Diner Thanksgiving Dinner. We should have a standing reservation.
Eric: I think we do.
Lily: What errand did Serena have to run?
Eric: I don’t know. But she took her file with her. Maybe she went to burn it.
Lily: I don’t blame her. I should have burned mine.
Eric: I lied before. I read it.
Lily: Oh, whatever you read, um—
Eric: I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were in an institution. You were 19. Just a few years older than I was. After everything I went through last year.
Lily: Maybe I should have said something, but I wanted to be strong for you. Plus I really wasn’t ready to revisit it.
Eric: I look forward to talking about it. When you’re ready. It takes time, I know.
Lily: How did you get so wise?
Eric: The nanny.
Lily: Okay, how about we have a real Thanksgiving dinner. It’s not too late.
Eric: What did you have in mind?
Lily: Come on.
It’s a Wonderful Lie
Lily: Thanks for offering to help out. It’s really been fun.
Rufus: Well when you just happened to mention my background in sound systems and lack of volunteer hours at the last PTA meeting I sorta caught your signal.
Lily: I really don’t appreciate your showing up unannounced at a school function.
Bart: I’m sorry, but you haven’t left me many options and we do need to talk.
Lily: Fine. Talk.
Bart: It’s been a long time since I’ve been husbandly. I just want you to know I fired Andrew Tyler, that private investigator that gathered all those files. No more snooping. No more trying to control you and the kids. It’s done. And I’m sorry. For everything.
Lily: Thank you, but um, I don’t think that that’s enough.
Bart: Then tell me what is and I’ll do it. I can change, Lily. You know I can. If you’ll let me.
Lily: It’s me. Can you inform Mr. Bass that my plans have changed? I won’t be waiting and he shouldn’t come to the ball.
Lily: Hi Rufus.
Rufus: What’s going on?
Lily: I’m leaving him. I’m doing it for me. I don’t expect anything. Except maybe a dance.
Lily: I never thought my life would turn out like this. I always tried to do the right thing.
Rufus: That’s all you can do. Just, ah, smile and fake it.
Lily: Tell me something, Rufus.
Rufus: What?
Lily: Something you shouldn’t.
Rufus: I never wanted to weigh in about your relationship with Bart. I was afraid of what I might say.
Lily: Which was?
Rufus: I let you go on your wedding day because I was afraid I couldn’t give you what you needed. I wasn’t sure what I needed. And I have regretted it everyday since.
Serena: Mom, what’s wrong?
Lily: Bart’s been in an accident.
O Brother, Where Bart Thou?
Cecilia: Ah, yes. The bottomless minibar and the comfort of the twins in room service. It’s a scandal.
Lily: People mourn in their own ways, Mother. I’ve been assured by the hotel that if Chuck isn’t alive and well, well… at least he’s alive.
Lily: We’re doing comfort food. Nobody’s comforted by a tuna tower.
Lily: I’m sorry we haven’t spoken since the Ball. I really appreciate your messages.
Rufus: All I want to say is that I’m here. If you want me to keep my distance I can do that too. I um, can’t imagine what you’re going through.
Lily: Actually you can better than anyone else can. Everyone’s so concerned about the grieving widow. But as much as I feel shock and loss, mostly I feel guilt.
Rufus: I’m sure you must be thinking a hundred thoughts right now. But Lily, you can not blame yourself.
Lily: Why not? He was on his way to see me. I was going to end our marriage.
Rufus: Hey. It’s okay. Do you hear me?
Lily: He left me a voicemail.
Rufus: What’d it say?
Lily: I don’t know. I haven’t listened to it. I’ve been too afraid hear his voice.
Rufus: Do you want to listen to it right now? I’ll stay with you.
Lily: Thank you. I’ll do it myself. I have to get back.
Rufus: Lil, I’m waiting for you this time. Six months. Six years. I’ll be here.
Lily: I know you’re upset but we all really need each other right now.
Chuck: Don’t touch me, Whore.
Lily: Charles, please. You need to be with your family.
Chuck: Family? I don’t have a family.
Lily: Mother if you want to talk now is not the time.
Cecilia: What does Chuck know?
Lily: Did you not hear what I just said?
Cecilia: He knows something about you and Rufus. You should find out what.
Lily: Mother, I just came from burying my husband. I don’t have the time, inclination or frankly the mental capacity to go head-to-head with Chuck. And what he knew he already told Bart. So there’s nothing to worry about now is there?
Cecilia: Let’s hope not. But you won’t know until you talk to him I saw him head up the stairs.
Lily: If you’re looking for Bart’s will, you don’t have to worry.
Chuck: I’m not. But you should be. I’m trying to find your file.
Lily: Well it’s not here so you can stop ransacking the place and look at me.
Chuck: I can’t look at you, Lily. You disgust me.
Lily: Charles—
Chuck: Disrespecting your marriage. Betraying my father with Rufus Humphrey.
Lily: I did no such thing.
Chuck: He was coming to fight for you. Talk about dying for nothing.
Lily: The only reason he got in that car is because you called him. If you could have just stayed out of it. But you couldn’t, could you? Because you’re just like him. You have to know everything, control everyone, trust no one.
Chuck: You’re saying this is my fault.
Lily: No, it’s no one’s fault.
Chuck: Yes it is. It’s your fault. His blood’s on your hands.
Lily: I’m sorry.
Chuck: As soon as that will is read, and I get my money you’ll never see me again.
Cecilia: What are you going to do about the fact that you’re in love with Rufus Humphrey?
Lily: Well I’m not sure I’m going to do anything. At least not right away.
Cecilia: So you are in love with him. I was fishing.
Lily: Well. You caught me. Considering the circumstances I have tried with all of my strength to fight it. It is a curse I do not wish on my worst enemy. But. I love Rufus.
Serena: So that’s why Chuck was so upset.
Lily: Let me explain.
Serena: Don’t bother. You love Rufus, you always have. And you married Bart anyway and now he’s dead.
Lily: Well I might have fleshed out some of the more subtle nuances, but yes, I suppose that’s the gist of it. So go ahead. How could I? Bart’s body’s not even cold. Whatever horrible things you’re going to say to me, just say them.
Serena: I should have seen this coming.
Lily: You once asked me—begged me— not to be with Rufus because of you and Dan.
Serena: Has Rufus told you he wants to be with you?
Lily: He has.
Serena: Well this may sound strange coming from me but if you want to be with him then you should. Maybe it’s your time now. After all you’ve been through you should at least try.
Lily: And what about you and Dan?
Serena: I’m going to try and make things work with Aaron. We’re going to Buenos Aires for the holidays. That’s if it’s okay with my mom.
Lily: I think that’s great.
Rufus: We’re going to be okay this time, Lil.
Lily: I know we will.
Chuck: I just can’t believe you’d want this to become public knowledge.
Lily: What is that?
Chuck: Oh it’s exactly what you think it is.
Lily: But my mother—
Chuck: Lied to you. And to Mr. Tyler. Judging by the look on your face I’m guessing it wasn’t your idea to come clean.
Lily: Why on earth would she do this.
Chuck: I don’t know. But the next time you see her I’d ask. Until then I’m more than happy to further her agenda.
Lily: Charles, I beg you, please don’t turn away from the people who love you. They’re the only chance any of us has. And your father never learned that. I hope that you do.
Rufus: Just tell me one thing: was it a boy or a girl?
In the Realm of the Basses
Lily: Hello Rufus.
Rufus: Lily.
Lily: How was your—
Rufus: I want to know where my child is.
Lily: We already talked about that.
Rufus: Do you realize I had to say “my child” because I don’t know if it’s a boy or girl?
Lily: I shouldn’t have come.
Rufus: I just spent the last two weeks knocking on the door of every adoption agency in Boston, hoping to avoid this conversation. But they all told me I had to ask the mother. So i’m asking.
Lily: I told you before Christmas, when I gave him up—
Rufus: So it’s a boy. That’s something I guess.
Lily: —I also gave up the right to go looking for him. And I’m not going to allow you to bulldoze into his life. It’s not fair.
Rufus: How is that fair to me? When was I asked if I was okay with it? This is just you not wanting anyone to find out.
Lily: Oh no, I’ve given up on that. Charles already knows, although I actually believe he won’t say anything.
Rufus: I have a right to know my son.
Lily: And he has a right to his own life. Just like you’ve had yours.
Rufus: I was going to be a rock star, remember? Instead I had two kids. And I was there to take them to school every morning and talk about their days at night. And if someone came to me and said I could trade that for the life I wanted when I was nineteen, I wouldn’t. Being a father’s who I am. Don’t take that away.
Lily: I’m sorry, I can’t.
Rufus: Then I’ll find him without your help.
Lily: Rufus. Your message said it was urgent. Has something happened?
Rufus: Dan knows. Or he doesn’t yet. But I think he will soon. And I imagine he’ll tell Serena. And I thought you should know.
Lily: Rufus, wait. What will they think of me?
Rufus: Serena and Eric? Well it’s not my problem. We’re each on our own, remember?
Lily: But you already hate me. What if they hate me too? I gave away their brother. I wasn’t ready. I was young and scared. Heartbroken over you. And Cece kept pressuring me. The truth is, I wasn’t ready to have a baby. And it’s been a hole in my life ever since.
Rufus: I understand why you gave him up. But it’s that you didn’t tell me.
Lily: Rufus, please.
Rufus: I don’t hate you, Lil. As much as I want to. Neither will your kids. But you’ve had 20 years to make peace with this. It’s going to take me some time.
Lily: What do you want to know?
Gone with the Will
Rufus: They don’t wanna meet. They don’t want us to contact them. Ever.
Lily: Rufus—
Rufus: Well I guess that’s it then. I’ll go back.
Lily: Oh hey. I was just going to call down and have our car brought around.
Rufus: I don’t think I’m ready to go.
Lily: Rufus.
Rufus: What Lily? The family could change their mind. We should write them a letter and explain that we just want to meet the boy.
Lily: The parents don’t want that.
Rufus: What about what I want? This works out well for you. You don’t want to meet your son.
Lily: Oh. You don’t think I haven’t thought about this boy every day of his life? You want to meet him. Have you thought about what happens after that? What if we find out he’s had a horrible life? Or what if we instantly love him and then it’s very clear that we’ve made a terrible mistake?
Rufus: My only fear is feeling like we failed to try everything.
Lily: Well we can keep trying from New York. We don’t have to stay here.
Rufus: Why not, Lil? It’s another day. Is that too much to ask?
Lily: Yes. Yes it is. Because this whole search has been so excruciating I don’t want to go through it anymore. I don’t want to spend another day—yet another minute trapped in this hotel room scared that you’re going to hate me forever. When I’m still in love with you.
Chris Rossen: It was last year. Andrew was sailing with some friends. They jumped in the water. Andrew got caught in a riptide.
Lily: I’m so sorry, um—
Rufus: Yeah, if we had known we wouldn’t have even bothered you.
Chris Rossen: It’s my wife. She’s had trouble with it. It was too painful for her to tell you because, well, it was too painful for her to tell anyone.
You’ve Got Yale
Lily: Well now that this is all out in the open maybe we can stop sneaking around. I mean we’ve had the awkward run-in and it isn’t so bad. I don’t know why we thought this would be so weird.
Dan: Let’s leave. Now.
Serena: Nice try mom.
Rufus: Yeah, seriously. Good effort.
Lily: Charles. I didn’t expect to see you today.
Chuck: Or ever if I had it my way.
Lily: Yes, well I missed you too.
Chuck: I’m trying to do something. I really wanted to do it on my own, but that’s not working. I’m thinking you’re the only person left who can help. What do you say?
Chuck: All my usual moves haven’t worked. Jack is blood. He thinks too much like me, sees me coming. And the way he’s running the business I worry everything my father had worked for will be lost. Since you’re part of the company now I thought you might care.
Lily: I do care Charles. But my concern is for you, not the company. You’re living alone. Why don’t you move back here? Make it easier to work together.
Chuck: I’m not interested in a family reunion, nor in assuaging your guilt over my father’s death. Do you believe in my cause or not?
Lily: I do. But your shenanigans— putting coke in his gym bag, ambushing him with a transsexual hooker—
Chuck: Two. They owed me a favor
Lily: —will only cast a negative light on you in the board’s eyes.
Chuck: I don’t care about the board anymore.
Lily: You should. You need them. So let me help you by handling this like a grown-up. My 20% stake in Bass Industries must count for something. And when I’m done perhaps you’ll reconsider your living situation.
Chuck: Don’t hold your breath.
Jack: If I had known my own personal Mata Hari was here I would’ve come sooner.
Lily: Yes well I was just being brought up to date on your progress or lack thereof.
Jack: I’ll right
myself eventually. I just have to get my legs under me. Maybe the two of us could come together in some way. Help me find my strength or, use it all up. She hands him a tissue. What’s that for?
Lily: Your nose. You don’t seem as worried about the same morality clause
that cost Charles his company.
Jack: They won’t touch me. Although I may not be doing a bang up job yet, it beats having a woman of your reputation at the helm.
Lily: The bastard is untouchable.
Chuck: What should we do?
Lily: Time to get dirty. I’m all ears.
Chuck: Let me educate you.
Lily: Did you really try to buy anthrax with his credit card?
Chuck: The black market isn’t what it used to be.
Lily: And you got him on Megan’s List?
Chuck: If only his apartment were a few blocks closer to a playground.
Lily: Look I understand why you’re trying to do these things, but we have got to do something that is not illegal. I’ve put calls in to Jack’s business associates in Australia. He’s not the most upstanding citizen. I’m sure we will find something. You know I, um, I thought I lost you the day of the funeral. And I’m sorry Jack’s the one to bring us back together but I’m glad that we’re doing this.
Chuck: If your people don’t come up with anything maybe we can try number 26.
Lily: “Crash Jack in plane.” The Bass jet is kind of expensive Charles.
Chuck: There’s insurance.
Chuck: Who’s this?
Caplan: Bruce Caplan. I’m your father’s family lawyer. Before he died your father was going to legally adopt Serena and Eric.
Lily: And I was going to legally adopt you. We were serious about becoming a real family and we’d had the papers drawn, and your father had signed them. I just didn’t get to it in time.
Caplan: Your step-mother asked me to have these faxed over to the box office.
Chuck: So if you adopt me?
Lily: Then I’m your guardian.
Chuck: Give me a pen. Just to clear, this doesn’t make us family. Just even.
Lily: What do you think you’re doing?
Jack: I should ask you the same thing.
Lily: It’s what Bart wanted.
Jack: So you say. I’m not so sure.
Lily: I’m not scared of you, Jack.
Jack: You should be.
Lily: You’re high. You’re not thinking clearly. You need to think about the repercussions of what you’re doing.
Jack: I don’t think I do.
Jack: You think you can squeeze me out? Take away my power? I worked for this! I earned it!
Lily: Jack, it’s over.
Lily to Chuck: Oh my god, thank you.
Rufus: My hair is terrible. Not since ’91—
Lily: If you care about your hair you’re more a part of my world than ever.
Rufus: You sure you’re okay?
Lily: Yes. Yes I am.
Lily: I heard from the board that Jack is on his way back to Sydney.
Chuck: You didn’t press charges.
Lily: No. I just wanted him gone. But now I’m the interim head of Bass Industries, believe it or not.
Chuck: Is that why you called me here?
Lily: What you did for me last night—
Chuck: Lily, I—
Lily: It’s okay. You don’t have to feel the same way. But I do have faith that when you’re ready you will do wonders with Bass Industries.
Chuck: What are you talking about?
Lily: On your 18th birthday I want you to have everything. I don’t want this job or the corporate jet or—anything related to this business. Just you. As a part of my family.
Chuck: Um… Look, I know what happened with my father was an accident.
Lily: It was a terrible accident.
Chuck: And, uh, if the offer still stands, I’d like to move back in.
Lily: I would love that.
Carnal Knowledge
Lily: I can’t believe we’re all here on a Saturday night. That’s a lot of cancelled restaurant reservations.
Rufus: Well, expel one Yale-bound senior gets people’s attention.
The Grandfather
Bex: Lily, I just want to thank you for handling this so gracefully. The whole Rufus thing. The whole “Rufus and I used to date” thing. Oh god. Please tell me that I am not putting an enormous foot in my mouth. He told you, right?
Lily: Well of course he did. It’s fine.
Rufus: She wasn’t my girlfriend. We just went out a few times.
Lily: You might have mentioned that, considering she works for me. It was humiliating.
Rufus: Well I’ve been meaning to tell you.
Lily: You know it’s a shame we never see each other. Are there any other exes I should know about? My trainer? My accountant?
Rufus: I’m sorry. But it’s not like I’ve ever asked you to make a list of everyone you’ve ever dated.
Lily: Yes, well I’d be happy to make one.
Rufus: Sure.
Lily: You think I wouldn’t?
Rufus: I don’t think about it. I think you should just drop it.
Lily: Let’s make lists.
Rufus: Lily—
Lily: Look you clearly have some idea about my past that I’d prefer to dispel and this way I won’t be blind sided again. Unless of course there’s something that you don’t want known.
Rufus: Alright.
Lily: Okay. Tonight then. At dinner. Be ready.
Rufus: This has disaster written all over it.
Lily: Did you and Blair find something you like at BBH?
Serena: Well Blair certainly did. Are you reorganizing?
Lily: Oh no. Just reminiscing.
Serena: Why is Bart’s name next to Trent Reznor and the Klauses? Oh my god. Mom, what is that?
Lily: It’s—
Serena: No no. Please. Don’t answer.
Lily: It’s a long story between me and Rufus.
Serena: Wait, you’re not showing Rufus that are you?
Lily: Well. We agreed to be up front with each other.
Serena: Up front, okay. But mom. It’s gonna take him 20 minutes to get through the 90s alone.
Lily: I know. I know. We got into this tiff because he hadn’t told me he dated Bex. And then the next thing I know I was saying yes to lists. And how am I going to back out now? Besides, I’m not ashamed of my past. Well most of it anyway. Do you think he’ll judge?
Serena: I think you should just sneak a peek at his Little Black Book before you drop the Yellow Pages on him. Just make sure your numbers are on par. Slash? Seriously?
She nods.
Rufus: We’ve touched on the weather. I think we’ve made a clean sweep of all possible small talk.
Lilyclears her throat: Well I think we should just get it over with before the kids come home.
Rufus: I will go first.
Is it alright?
Lily: Yes of course? And… this is the whole thing?
Rufus: That’s it.
Lily: Okay. Well then that’s just, um, okay. I’ll just get mine.
Rufus: Well. scanning the the list. Oh here I am! I’m sorry. It’s just, well I’m relieved. Please don’t take that the wrong way. It’s just you’ve dated more people than I have and I wasn’t sure I was in the same, ballpark.
Lily: Well I’m glad that that is behind us.
Lily: You remembered the eggrolls. Make sure I only eat a few or I’m going to feel guilty.
Rufus: Not likely.
Lily: Okay. Enough. What’s going on with you? He hands her the second page of her list.
I’m sorry. I was going to tell you.
Rufus: Let’s just pretend like this never happened. That’s obviously what you wanted.
Lily: That’s not fair.
Rufus: No kidding. Which is why I didn’t show you some condensed version of my list.
Lily: Your list was a dozen people. How much more condensed could it have been?
Rufus: Thirteen. And I’m not embarrassed about my past.
Lily: No. You’re just embarrassed about mine. When you saw the condensed version you told me you were relieved. So.
I think we’ve found out everything we needed to know about each other.
Lily: I don’t get it. I mean I know you were married for 18 years. But you were the lead singer of a not-entirely-unpopular band. And I remember beautiful girls throwing themselves at you every night.
Rufus: It’s true. But the majority of that time I was pining for a certain blonde photojournalist.
Remains of the J
Lily: We wanted to tell you in person—all of you.
Serena: We are planning a Sweet Sixteen party for you here. Tomorrow night.
Lily: Fantastic caterers and beautiful flowers.
Serena: DJ, the perfect guest list. We wanted it to be a surprise though.
Lily: We heard you had one of those last year and it didn’t go so well.
Eric: Oh… Jenny Cake.
Rufus: Well that’s why this year I was more than happy to delegate to people I know better.
Seder Anything
Rufus: How did antique shopping turn into shoe shopping?
Lily: Well my darling, all shopping eventually leads to shoe shopping.
Rufus: If only people felt that way about art.
Lily: Thinking about Dan’s tuition?
Rufus: Mid-range collectors just aren’t buying right now.
Lily: Well you never know when things will turn around. pulls out a shoe Now who says that these are not art?
Serena: Hey mom. Nice shoes.
Lily: Would you give us a moment?
Serena: Mom I know you’re upset.
Lily: No, I’m furious. First you trash the apartment then you run away to Spain.
Serena: I’m sorry. I um, I’ve just been feeling really lost.
Lily: Spare me, Serena. The only thing that’s lost is your sense of responsibility and consideration. It seems to me that the old Serena is back and I’m not very happy to see her. So. You might want to take your coat off. Because you’re grounded.
Lily: Oh Eleanor. Thank you for doing this.
Eleanor: Please. I was very happy that you invited yourself.
The Wrath of Con
Lily: Are you all right?
Dan: Ah. no. I mean yeah. No, I’m not.
Lily: Well there’s clearly something on your mind.
Dan: Well Serena asked me not to say anything.
Lily: Oh, that’s my least favorite sentence.
Lily: I’m sorry Bruce, I know this goes beyond your usual duties.
Bruce: Bass business usually does.
The Valley Girls
Lily: You forced me to do this. I just hope you learned your lesson.
Serena: That my mom’s crazier than I ever imagined?
Lily: Well, no crazier than you, my daughter, thinking you could fix this situation yourself.
Serena: I was fixing this. But then you were too worried what people would think.
Lily: When you’re a mother you will understand that you have to make decisions that don’t always win you points for popularity.
Serena: When I’m a mother I will be nothing like you.
Lily: Yes. You say that now. But just wait.
Lily: I came down here to drop the charges and put this behind us. Please show a little respect and I will stick with my plan.
Serena: I’ll just stick to mine. If you didn’t notice you weren’t my phone call.
Lily: Ah. So who was?
Cece: She called me, darling. Ironic, isn’t it? If only she knew.
Serena: Hey Grandma.
Teen Lily: I’m not a headshrink or anything, but I do think the sudden uprooting of my family from New York, coupled with my parents’ tumultuous divorce, may have contributed to some difficulties I’ve been having.
Richard Rhodes: You got kicked out of boarding school.
Cece: Hello Lily.
Teen Lily: What are you doing here?
Cece: If it was up to your father they’d stop me at the county line. But Santa Barbara is really only a prison in my mind.
Richard Rhodes: Good to see you, Cece.
Cece: Wish I could say the same, Richard.
Cece: Eric and I had the most invigorating walk from the hotel.
Eric: You know, Grandma is deceptively quick.
Lily: Oh she’s probably racing back to that bottle of gin she has hidden under the sink in the bathroom.
Eric: Zing.
Cece: Good morning to you as well.
Cece: What have I done to earn your ire, my dear?
Lily: Let me think for a second. Maybe telling Rufus about our child.
Cece: I’m sorry if I thought it appropriate that Rufus learns he has a son.
Eric: You mean “had”.
Lily: He died.
Cece: Oh. I had no idea.
Lily: Imagine. Something you don’t know.
Cece: You blame me for everything.
Lily: And you accept responsibility for nothing.
Lily: Oh hello, Daniel.
Dan: Hey. So
look, I’m really sorry to bother you but I can’t leave Serena one more message and still call myself a man. Not that it’s exactly manly to be calling her mother but I really need to know. How mad is she?
Lily: Oh I wouldn’t worry. She hasn’t gotten your messages. They… take your cellphone away when you’re in jail.
Dan: Wait. She’s still in jail?
Owen: Kind of cool, right?
Teen Lily: Sure, yeah. Cool place to catch hepatitis.
Teen Lily: Your life isn’t exactly how you described. You told Mom you were making it out in L.A.
Carol: I am making it. This is what making it looks like. Before… you’ve totally made it.
Rufus: You’re unpredictable, that’s for sure. When I was younger it was damn exciting. You were always surprising me.
Lily: I’m just doomed to repeat my mother’s mistakes.
Rufus: Our mistakes are our’s alone to make. Or correct.
Cece: Don’t tell me you’re chasing me out of town. I’m fleeing as fast as I can.
Lily: Well please stop. I’m not going to apologize,
but I love you and I know you love me.
Cece: Well of course I love you. My daughters, my grandchildren. My only motivation is love.
Lily: On the contrary. Your motives are quite suspect.