Summer, Kind of Wonderful
The story continues…
Nate: I’ve been waiting for this all day.
Catherine: Are you sure Serena’s still okay covering for you? She was totally cold.
Nate: Oh, she’s totally fine.
Catherine: But you haven’t told her anything?
Nate: She knows that I’m seeing someone that I’m not ready to introduce just yet. She slams him back. Or ever. Look, she needed time to decompress from her breakup. Covering for me works for her too.
Nate: You’re not going to the White Party? C’mon. Pretty girls. White dresses.
Chuck: Unless there’s a sprinkler, I don’t care.
Never Been Marcused
Ann Archibald: I haven’t wanted to tell you this, but you’re going to find out soon enough.
Nate: Find out what?
Ann Archibald: The federal prosecutor has taken your father’s leaving town as an admission of guilt. They want us to forfeit our assets. Restitution.
Nate: They want to take our money?
Ann Archibald: Not yet. But they have frozen our accounts.
Nate: No offense, but don’t you think you’re a little outmatched?
Chuck: At squash? I’ve been playing my father since the eighth grade. How good could Marcus be.
Nate: No, I mean as a guy. Blair wants to be a princess and your greatest achievement is owning part of a burlesque club.
Chuck: Which is why I have to get to know him. No one’s that perfect. Once I get him out of the way I’ll have a clear shot at Blair.
Nate: Oh you know it’s love when you start talking like an assassin.
Chuck: I think you’re jealous of my new best friend.
Nate: Well I have been hoping someone would tag in for awhile now.
Nate about the investigation: We’ll deal with it.
Investigator: Maybe you will. But after spending so much time in your mom’s closet I feel like I know the lady. I don’t think she’ll adjust so well.
Nate: Well I don’t think I have to explain myself to you.
Blair: No explanation necessary. I think I’ve got it.
The Dark Night
Catherine: What happened to the money I gave you?
Nate: It’s gone. But I can pay you back as soon as our accounts are unfrozen.
Catherine: Which won’t be until your father gets back from… where was it again? Dominica?
Nate: I told you that in confidence.
Catherine: You told me that in bed.
Nate to Vanessa: When you called today it just felt like I could breathe again. So. I want to do this. I want to make this—us—right.
Serena: Eleanor comes home today. You excited she finally gets to meet Marcus?
Blair: And see why he’s so wonderful. It’s not often you find a man who’s intelligent, sophisticated, has an appreciation for Golden Age Hollywood and is a gentleman to boot. You know he hasn’t pressured me about sex once. Once. Not once.
Blair: You think I’m just going to sit back and watch you have an affair with my boyfriend’s mother? Guess again.
Nate: So what are your plans? To distract me with Vanessa?
Blair: Yes. What about it?
Nate: It’s just as your plans go it’s kind of nice.
Blair: A? Don’t be offensive. And B. From what I just witnessed if you want to keep her you’re going to have to step it up.
Nate: So you used my friends for some power play to prove you’re the one in control.
Catherine: I don’t like sharing my toys, especially if I paid for them.
The Ex-Files
New Haven Can Wait
Chuck: Will you lay off the formal visit crap and focus on what really matters. Creating your own Freshman Fifteen.
Nate: You’re not seriously considering going to Yale either?
Chuck: I’m, uh, evaluating colleges based on secret societies. Yale has the creme de la creme. The Skull and Bones. My goal is to get inside their inner sanctum.
Nate: And how exactly are you planning on doing that?
Chuck: By showing up.
Angela: Let’s just talk Cholera.
Nate: Um… very painful. she laughs. No, I’m not kidding. I tried to read it and I couldn’t get through it. It’s ridiculous.
Nate: Do you ever get tired of carrying around that chip around on your shoulder, Dan? No wonder Serena dumped you.
Nate: I hope you at least bought the statue a drink first.
Chuck in Real Life
Nate: Dan we hung out at Yale, we played soccer once. So what? Just stay out of it.
The Magnificent Archibalds
Chuck: Archibald. Haven’t seen you around here lately.
Nate: Yeah, why do you care?
Chuck: Oh I don’t. But if you’re not with the Humphreys anymore obviously things are looking up. Which is too bad. I kind of liked watching you slumming. I thought it would teach you who your real friends were.
Nate: I guess it has. He walks away.
Nate: It was nice of the Roths to let us stay at their place while they’re in Aspen.
Anne Archibald: Very. I’m not sure what we would have done. We don’t have a lot of options left, Nate.
Nate: Yeah. I kind of noticed.
Anne: But I’m hoping that’s about to change.
Captain: Hey son, I missed you so much.
Captain: My life in Dominica is… well it’s good. We moved some money offshore before I left—enough to get a house on the ocean. Weather’s always perfect, people are nice.
Nate: I’m so happy you’re living it up in the Caribbean while we’re squatting with no heat in New York.
Anne: Just hear him out, Nate.
Captain: I want to make things better. I know how hard your life has been because of what I did. I can’t turn back the clock. But I can ask you to come live with me. All the money in the world isn’t worth it without the two of you to share it with.
Nate: Mom, did you know about this?
Anne: Yes. And I’d like to go. But only if you want to come too.
Captain: Please, Nate! We can be a family again. All you have to do is say yes.
Nate: Look, you and Chuck and Dan… I’ve somehow managed to alienate everyone. If you could just give Rufus his CDs I’d appreciate that.
Vanessa: Of course.
Nate: Uh, Vanessa, listen, uh, take care of yourself. Alright?
Nate: You know, when you called I thought it was an emergency. Obviously I was wrong.
Vanessa: It’s more like an intervention.
Chuck: There’s someone you need to talk to.
Vanessa: The FBI knows that your dad’s in town. And they think he’s about to commit a crime even worse than fraud or embezzlement.
Nate: Like what?
Chuck: Like extortion. Kidnapping.
Nate: Dad, listen. I love you. But if you can’t do the right thing then I can’t respect you. So the choice is yours. You go out that service entrance and you ruin our relationship forever. Or you be a man and you turn yourself in when they get here.
Captain: Well that’s not a choice.
Nate: It is a choice. Because I’m sick of living in the mess you created for us. And I’m not going to do it anymore. And I hope you won’t either.
Vanessa: Hey. We were hoping you’d be here.
Nate: My mom’s inside signing papers in the dark. We’ve got our house back, now all we need is some electricity. I can’t thank you guys enough.
Chuck: I’m gonna leave you guys alone.
Vanessa: I didn’t… want you to go. And I didn’t like to admit it, but I still—
Nate: Still?
Vanessa: It’s not important There’s the whole thing with Jenny and I don’t want to get in the way of that.
Nate: Vanessa, I haven’t heard from Jenny in weeks so, uh, if you’d like, can we get together sometime?
Vanessa: I guess that’d be okay. Call me.
Nate: I will. Vanessa walks off (and squeezes Chuck’s arm in thanks)
Chuck: By the way, I’m glad you stayed too.
Nate: Thanks man.
Chuck: Now let’s, uh, let’s get drunk in style.
It’s a Wonderful Lie
Nate: Jenny. Did you do that to Vanessa?
Jenny: Yeah. You don’t understand, okay? She completely—
Nate: She what? She lied? She went behind your back? So what? For that she deserved to be publicly humiliated? She’s your friend, Jenny. You know, there’s no reason to tell you this now, but I wrote you this letter after the fashion show. Telling you I had feelings for you.
Jenny: I never got that.
Nate: I know. Vanessa stole it. But she felt so bad about it she came and told me the truth.
Jenny: Okay, look. I know what you must think of me right now. But if I had gotten—
Nate: I’m glad you didn’t Honestly? You’re not who I thought you were.
Nate: Vanessa! Wait. You stole my letter.
Vanessa: I know.
Nate: Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Vanessa: Pretty sure that was it.
Nate: You said you never felt this way about anyone before. Was that true?
Vanessa: Does it matter?
Nate: Okay, listen. After all we’ve been through, when you walked away tonight all I could think was “She’s the one I want to be with.” So yeah, it matters.
Vanessa: That’s easy for you to say. Because you didn’t just pull a Janet Jackson at the Snowflake Ball.
O Brother, Where Bart Thou?
Nate: We should have just driven to the door and dropped him off on the steps.
Blair: No one should see him like this. He needs to walk it off. Okay, walk it off, Chuck. Lift knee, bend foot.
Nate: Maybe we should have just left him at The Palace.
Blair: It’s his father’s funeral. He needs to be here and show his respects.
Chuck: Respect. My father wasn’t shown much of that in his final days.
Nate: What’s he talking about?
Blair: Who knows. When we found him his shoes were on the wrong feet. Chuck, remember how in eighth grade you used to help yourself to the decanter in The Captain’s library?
Chuck: First got my taste for single malt.
Nate: That’s right. And you’d have to go home to a four course dinner without passing out in your consommé.
Chuck: Or my father would think less of me. What does that matter now?
Blair: Chuck, am I going to have to stick my finger down your throat? I’ll hold back your hair. to Nate What?
Nate: Sorry Blair. You had me, then you lost me.
Blair: Just straighten his tie.
Nate: You’re really sweet with him.
Blair: Me? Sweet? No.
Nate: Yeah you are. I mean worrying about him, offering him food. It’s downright maternal.
Blair: I’m not maternal, I’ve just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I’m turning Jewish.
Gone with the Will
Nate: Hey! Thought you might need some backup.
Chuck: Thanks. Let’s go.
Jack: Chuck, this letter represents your father’s final words.
Blair: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it.
Nate: Yeah, aren’t you curious to know what it says?
Chuck: I think I can guess. “You’re a disappointment of a son.” “I’d die of embarrassment if I wasn’t already.” “Why do you wear so much purple.”
You’ve Got Yale
Vanessa: I hate losing.
Nate: You didn’t lose. You just admitted defeat.
Carnal Knowledge
Nate: Please tell me what we’re doing here.
Vanessa: Yeah, and talk about the filthy rich. What happened to you?
Chuck: Yesterday I received an envelope. Inside was a business card with an address, a date and a time on it. No name. I assumed it was some overly designed invitation to a business meeting. But I arrived at the address it was something different entirely.
Vanessa: A high stakes poker game?
Nate: Or an arms dealer auction?
Nate: So the ultimate gentleman’s club was here? ‘Cause this place reminds me of my aunt’s house.
Chuck: This was the place. I know it. There were velvet curtains blocking this hallway. There were women wearing masks, lying on a divan right where this piano is.
Nate: Alright, look. Maybe you should get some rest. It could help jog our memory.
Vanessa: Or warm ginger ale. It’s a miracle hangover cure.
Chuck: This is the one. This is the woman.
Vanessa: Let me see. No way. The mom? This must be her house.
Nate: Well there’s only one way to find out.
The Age of Dissonance
Dan: I just can’t believe this is a senior requirement.
Nate: Or that Chuck actually got a doctor to actually diagnose him with acute stage fright. Should have gone with mercury poisoning.
Julian: Nate, I told you. Your character went bankrupt. Suffered total public humiliation. Not that you would understand that. The characters in this play are smoldering tempests of emotion. You’re as empty as the Federal Reserve.
Nate: You want feelings? Well I, I, I hate these clothes. I hate this play. And I hate pretentious asshats who try and steal other people’s girlfriends. In fact I might just spontaneously punch one the next time you get in my face.
Blair: I know just how Mr. Beaufort feels. Working so hard for something and losing it. Because people are out to destroy you.
Serena: Well Countess, at least you don’t have to go through your whole life worried your best friend will humiliate and betray you.
Nelly: I hate this fat suit!
Nate: Oh and there’s one other thing. My whole family lost all of our money before my father went to jail for embezzlement. So I think I know more about humiliation and bankruptcy—
Dan: Beau—
Nate: —than some lame dilettante director. Okay?
Stage Director: Oh. My. God.
Dan: Why don’t we retire to the parlor for some port. With Mr. and Mrs. van der Luydens.
Nate: I don’t give a damn about the van der Luydens, Humphrey.
Dan: Alright.
Nate: I like ESPN. Okay? And you like books and movies.
Vanessa: The way you say that— You didn’t even bother to read Age of Innocence. You didn’t watch the DVD I gave you. You’re like a kid who swears he hates tomatoes and has never even tried one.
Nate: Well maybe you should be with a guy like Julian who already likes tomatoes.
Vanessa: Maybe if you’d put in… some effort you wouldn’t be so insecure.
The Grandfather
Dan: You’re going to skip out on your family reunion? I appreciate your commitment to the game—
Nate: No. Listen, man, I’m not going to go pretend to bond with the people who shut me and my mom out when my dad got busted.
Vanessa: Are you sure you don’t want to go to your family reunion?
Dan: We know they weren’t cool to you and your mom, but it seems like your cousin is trying to make up for it.
Nate: Yeah well unless he’s armed with an engraved apology from my grandfather I do not care.
Vanessa: Nate, they’re making an effort.
Nate: Yeah sure, they’re making an effort now. But where were they when we needed them?
Dan: Flying low. There must be a hospital nearby.
Trip: It’s not a medivac. It’s Grandfather’s ride. He’s gonna be so surprised to see you.
Nate: Wait I though this was his idea.
Trip: Not exactly.
Nate: So I came to give him a chance and he didn’t even want one?
Vanessa: You should go meet them.
Nate: But we’re eating pierogies.
Vanessa: We’ll do the real thing this summer in Warsaw. And Moscow. And Budapest.
Nate: Summer Pierogy Tour ’09.
I can’t wait.
Vanessa: Anything you want to say to me?
Nate: Who told you?
Vanessa: Trip. Now here’s the part where you tell me that you told your grandfather you already made plans for the summer.
Nate: Look I haven’t made any decisions yet.
Vanessa: No you haven’t. Your grandfather made this decision for you.
Nate: It’s not like that.
Vanessa: Then tell me what it’s like because two days ago you were so excited to get away from everything, just the two of us.
Nate: I know I am. But it is an amazing opportunity.
Vanessa: For what? To turn into Trip? Is that what you want to be in five years?
Nate: I don’t know who I want to be in five years. That’s the point.
Vanessa: If this is something I honestly thought you wanted I’d be happy for you. But can you really tell me this isn’t about what William wants you to do.
Nate: As opposed to what you want me to do. I didn’t mean that. It’s just, my grandfather believes in me.
Blair: What happened? And when did everything get so screwed up? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel so—
Nate: Lost.
Do you remember when you used to make us watch your favorite movies over and over again? Like Tiffany’s and Holiday. It used to drive me nuts.
Blair: This is a pep talk.
Nate: Well I finally asked you why you like watching movies you’ve already seen. And you know what you said?
Blair: I like knowing how things are going to turn out.
Nate: Exactly. Well growing up I never knew who I was supposed to be. So I’d spend all my time apologizing for the privilege and the wealth and the opportunities I felt other people deserved more than I did. Well you know what I finally learned? You can’t fight against who you are. And you are Blair Waldorf.
Blair: What happened to the Nate Archibald who just wanted to get high and play Halo?
Nate: I don’t know.
Remains of the J
Blair: You know what I was just thinking? Jennifer Aniston is totally fine now. I’m sure Brad doesn’t even feel bad anymore.
Nate: Okay.
Blair: I mean I’m sure that there was some collateral damage which is always sad, but his fate lay with Angelina and he knew that. So he had the tough conversation and moved on.
Nate: This is your way of saying I should break up with Vanessa? So you and I can—
Blair: Embrace our fate.
Nate: Ah.
Blair: Yes.
Nate: Okay, well I wasn’t actually going to tell you this until afterwards but Vanessa called a couple of hours ago and she just wants to talk so I asked her to meet me for dinner.
Blair: But can’t you just text?
Nate: No.
Blair: But what if when you see her there’s sparks? Or fireworks even. You know they say break-up sex is—
Nate: Hey hey hey, it feels over. And I’m sure she’s going to tell me the same thing.
Nate: Blair stop acting like me being your friend is some sort of plot to humiliate you. Okay? Did you ever think that maybe things didn’t work out between us because we weren’t friends?
Blair: You’re right Nate. This week you’ve become my friend. It’s amazing. And I’ve never wanted to kiss my friend so much—
Nate: Hey hey hey. We’re at a party full of people in Chuck’s room. And he and Vanessa are right behind the wall.
Blair: Does it excite you?
Nate: Blair. he brushes her hair away.
Blair: Don’t. Only my boyfriend gets to touch my hair.
Nate: You wanted to be more like Blair Waldorf. Well congratulations. You succeeded
Seder Anything
Nate: I got into Columbia.
Blair: What?
Nate: I got into Columbia. What were you talking about?
Blair: Oh. Nothing. That’s amazing. I didn’t even know you applied.
Nate: Well I wanted to see if I could get in without family help. I mean all my grandfather had to do to ge me into Yale was just make a phone call and— I’m sorry.
Blair: That’s fine. I’m so happy for you. So that means no Yale?
Nate: No, honestly I’m torn.
Blair: You know now may not be a good time to say anything to your grandfather about Columbia.
Nate: Well that should be easy since I’m not going to speak to him.
Nate: When Trip asked me to be the best man in his wedding I was a little bit surprised, to say the least. But I guess Grandfather told him to choose me and that was that. Well we all know how important family is to William van der Bilt. But what we don’t know are the many secret ways he helps us all out. For instance today I discovered he was the one who had my father investigated by the authorities. And if he cares so much about family then why did he destroy mine? So I guess the lesson here, Trip old buddy, is watch your back. finishing the toast: To family!
Nate: I trusted him. Was I wrong?
Blair: No. You’re wonderful. I’m going to go get my coat. Then we can go.
Nate: Did you tell my grandfather you would convince me to go to Yale in exchange for him making you a bridesmaid?
Blair: I can explain.
Nate: That’s great, you know. First my grandfather sells my father out. And then you sell me out for a picture in the Style section.
Blair: But I didn’t! I mean, god I did. But I realized when he asked me again—
Nate: You, know I really thought this time would be different. But you’re just the same girl you always were.
Blair: No. I’m not. I was just scared. About next year. And us.
Nate: I want to trust you, okay? But I can’t think of a single reason why I should. The car will take you home.
Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
Blair: NYU? What was I thinking? You know how I feel about ironic facial hair.
Nate: Well you were thinking a) you’re lucky to get into a school at all. And b) you’re super lucky because where you got in happens to be in the same city as your fantastic boyfriend.
Blair: That’s true.
Nate: I’ve been coming down here for years and I’m going to teach you everything you need to know. The best latté, the best slice, the best pot dealer. But first. The most important lesson of all: how to ride the subway.
Blair: Nate! You’re sweet. But obviously you’ve inhaled too much patchouli. There’s no way I’m going down there. It’s full of mole men and middle-class professionals.
Nate: Well you have to learn. How else are you going to visit me at Columbia.
Blair: Why do you think God gave us car service.
Nate: Our schools are at opposite poles of Manhattan. I mean the traffic could take hours. The subway’s definitely the quickest way.
Blair: Please don’t ask this of me.
Chuck: Well. You suck more than usual today.
Nate: I’m a little distracted. Things with—
Chuck: It’s okay. You can say her name.
Nate: Blair. I feel a little weird talking about it with you.
Chuck: Nathaniel she’s your girlfriend. If you want to be friends like we were it’s just part of the deal.
Nate: So it’s okay to just talk about her guy-to-guy like we used?
Chuck: Well I was there for the last week, wasn’t I?
Chuck: Archibald, let’s face it. You won, I lost. You have nothing to worry about with me. I’m out of that game.
Nate: Well I certainly don’t have to worry about your weak ass jump anyway.
Lily: Oh. I asked the caterer for a ’99 Brunello. This isn’t a PTA meeting.
Serena: Gabriel. It’s a movie. You know most of them are only like 80 minutes these days.
Gabriel: And you know that there’s nothing else I’d rather do. But I’m a little behind reviewing the prospectus. You know this is important to me.
Serena: Yeah. And you spending time with my family is important to me.
Nate: I just wanted to show you that Blair and I are really serious now. You understand that, right?
Chuck: If you needed to mark your territory so badly Nathaniel, maybe you should just pee on her.
Nate: I don’t want you to go near her again. I mean that.
Blair: Serena didn’t believe us.
Nate: You mean she didn’t just dump her boyfriend because you two told her to? What’s wrong with her?
Blair: Come with us.
Nate: No. I’m not going, neither should you. It’s just Chuck playing games.
Blair: No, I don’t think it is. And if you don’t want to come with us, please, just let me go. I need you to trust me.
Chuck: The limo’s waiting.
Nate: You’re right. I need to trust you and I do. So… go.
Blair: I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have gone with Chuck.
Nate: Oh it’s okay. I’m just glad you came back. Well come in. Let me show you around.
Blair: You know, I loathe Murray Hill. Why did you get this apartment?
Nate: I got it so we wouldn’t be so far apart next year.
Blair: And is that why you asked me to move in with you?
Nate: Blair— Knowing you and Chuck were hanging out made me jealous.
Blair: You said you trusted me. But you really don’t, do you?
Nate: Blair. I’m so sorry. Hey, I love you. So take your coat off and stay. Please.
The Wrath of Con
Blair: We’ll have to continue this later. Serena needs me.
Nate: No. No no. Serena needs me is officially no longer an excuse to avoid talking.
Blair: She’s my best friend. The question of whether you got this apartment because you love me or because you don’t trust me will have to wait.
Nate: Fine. But that wasn’t even the question. The question was—and remains—do you want to live in it with me?
Nate: We need to talk.
Chuck: Can we talk inside.
Nate: We need to talk about Blair.
Chuck: Trouble in paradise?
Nate: Listen, a couple days ago you told me you were done with her. Then you went and did everything you could to try and get close to her again.
Chuck: If you have a problem with my proximity to your girlfriend then maybe you should ask Serena not to get herself into so much trouble.
Nate: You know what I couldn’t figure out is why you would go out of your way to lie to me about how you felt. Then I realized you’re not lying to me. You’re lying to yourself.
Chuck: That’s a lovely theory you’ve concocted Nathaniel. You should have it published. Now if you’ll excuse me.
Nate: You had your shot and you blew it. So why start toying with her again? If you want her, then man up and tell her. Otherwise you gotta cut her loose. You gotta cut her loose and you gotta do it for real this time because I want her.
Chuck: Where is she?
Blair: She’s inside but they won’t let us talk to her.
Chuck: We’ll see about that.
Nate: You called him?
Blair: Of course I did. He’s her brother. You have nothing to worry about with Chuck anymore.
Nate: Did he tell you that?
Blair: He gave me my answer. And you deserve yours. I don’t think we should move in together.
Nate: Me neither.
Blair: Then why—
Nate: I’m sorry, I was just using the apartment to force our issues and it’s just too big of a step. I’m sorry.
Blair: Well perhaps a more suitable step would be for you to ask me to prom.
The Valley Girls
Blair: Serena’s been in jail for over four hours. She’s already served more time than Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan combined.
Chuck: She’s a socialite mistakenly accused of stealing a bracelet. I doubt they’re working her over with a phonebook.
Blair: When I called Lily she said she was on her way. where is she?
Nate: I just can’t believe she had her own daughter arrested. I mean who does that?
Chuck: Someone who’s never been arrested.