Gossip Girl: Four wise men once said, “I get by with a little help from my friends”.
Chuck: Do you have a glass in this thing?
Cab Driver: No, man. What do you think this is?
Gossip Girl: But on the Upper East Side there’s the added challenge of figuring out who those friends really are.
Chuck: Hello?
Serena: It’s as bad as we thought, maybe worse.
Chuck: How so?
Serena: Well Gabriel didn’t just skip town, he took off with all the money that he got my mom and the co-op to invest and he took Poppy’s money too. The entire thing was a scam.
Chuck: Well those suits never did fit right. How much did he get?
Serena: I’m not sure. I’m on my way home to tell my mom right now. When are you going to be back?
Chuck: As fast as I can given my current transportation situation.
Serena: Hey Chuck, I really am sorry for not believing you and Blair earlier. But you never did tell me how you found out he was lying about meeting me that night at Butter.
Chuck: I’ll explain when I get there.
Blair: We’ll have to continue this later. Serena needs me.
Nate: No. No no. “Serena needs me” is officially no longer an excuse to avoid talking.
Blair: She’s my best friend. The question of whether you got this apartment because you love me or because you don’t trust me will have to wait.
Nate: Fine. But that wasn’t even the question. The question was—and remains—do you want to live in it with me?
Serena: Thank you so much for… for bringing Nate?
Blair: I’m just as flummoxed as you are. I got out at 53rd and made a run for it, but he’s faster than he looks. What happened? Don’t tell me that hick gave you scabies.
Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg): Where’s Blair?
Chuck: I agreed to give you a ride. That’s all. Meals were not included.
Georgina: I told you, I just want to apologize. One of the most sacred acts is the ritual of forgiveness.
Chuck: Why is it when you say “ritual” I think human sacrifice?
Chuck: Pregnancy ruse. Cliched but effective.
Dan: What’s going on?
Blair: Not that it’s any of your business, but Serena’s fake boyfriend’s investment was also fake.
Blair: Unfortunately for him, the only way her plan is going to work is by some act of God.
Georgina walking in: Wow. Look at that. I’m so glad that everybody’s here.
Long pause in the room and then all hell breaks loose
Dan: Alright, we need to get this crazy girl out of here.
Serena: Chuck, what is she doing here?
Blair: Are you trying to have me killed? Bass?
Nate: Shh! Shut up!
Serena: So is this how you found out about that night at Butter? You bring Georgina here?!
Georgina looking at the ringing phone: Hey, does anybody know a Gabriel?
Gabriel (Armie Hammer): I thought we were being careful.
Serena: Well I wasn’t careful enough it seems. I’m not pregnant. Just naive. I can’t believe I believed you. Don’t worry. You’re safe for now. I wanted to give you the opportunity to fix things, to prove you’re not who you probably are.
Gabriel: Listen, you have to know how sorry I am.
Serena: I don’t know what you are right now except a liar and a thief. But you can change one of those by giving the money back.
Gabriel: I can’t do that.
Serena: Gabriel, why? If you’re just using me why come back? Why act like you care about me now?
Chuck: You’re not leaving my hotel until you repay your investors. It’s your choice. Either you hand over the money or we hand you over to the Feds.
Gabriel: You have to believe me, I would if I could. But I don’t have the money. Poppy Lifton does.
Lily: Are you all right?
Dan: Ah, no. I mean yeah. No, I’m not.
Lily: Well there’s clearly something on your mind.
Dan: Well Serena asked me not to say anything.
Lily: Oh, that’s my least favorite sentence.
Georgina: Look, Blair, everyone else has forgiven me. I’m just waiting on you.
Blair: Everyone who? And beside some things are unforgivable.
Georgina: God will help me find a way to earn your forgiveness.
Blair: Oh, looks like He answers my prayers faster than yours. Chuck, what happened?
Chuck: We’ve got the wrong guy. Believe it or not the puppeteer is Poppy.
Gossip Girl: Looks like Georgina’s losing her religion. Or has B met her match in the battle for G’s soul?
Lily: I’m sorry, Bruce, I know this goes beyond your usual duties.
Bruce Caplan (John Bolton): Bass business usually does.
Rufus: You don’t really seem all that excited.
Eric: No, the ring is amazing. And I think it’s great you want to marry my mom. I just want to make sure you’re prepared.
Rufus: Well I have done this before.
Eric: So has she. Four times.
Rufus: Yeah, those guys weren’t right for her.
Eric: That’s definitely true. But my mom can be a little crazy too. And I love her, I just don’t want you to forget where she came from.
Rufus: Trust me, I know the family. And your mother is nothing like her mother. And I’m totally up for the wild ride that is Lily Rhodes-van der Woodsen-Bass-Etc.
Eric: Well. Welcome to the family then.
Blair: But when you think about it, Jesus drove you here.
Georgina: Actually I think his name was Jésus.
Blair: If you cut revenge out of the Bible there’s not even enough pages to make a pamphlet.
Serena: I don’t care what my mother says, Poppy Lifton must pay.
Blair: I knew you’d come to your senses. Ta da! She unveils Georgina.
Georgina: Hello. Sherilynn Phillips. My daddy’s got a piece of the oil sands up in Alberta. A piece the size of Florida. I’m so excited to meet my first New York friend for tea tomorrow. Maybe you know her? Poppy Lifton?
Blair: What do you think?
Chuck: I sense aspiration, yearning. Striving to be accepted. But then… there’s this appealing counternote of sincerity and optimism. This is the story of a young girl who’s enjoying her first taste of the spoils of dirty oil. It’s perfection.
Nate: Hey, we need to talk.
Chuck: Can’t we talk inside?
Nate: We need to talk about Blair.
Chuck: Trouble in paradise?
Nate: Listen, a couple days ago you told me you were done with her. Then you went and did everything you could to try and get close to her again.
Chuck: If you have a problem with my proximity to your girlfriend maybe you should ask Serena not to get herself into so much trouble.
Nate: You know what I couldn’t figure out is why you would go out of your way to lie to me about how you felt. Then I realized you’re not lying to me. You’re lying to yourself.
Chuck: That’s a lovely theory you’ve concocted Nathaniel. You should have it published. Now if you’ll excuse me.
Nate: No no, look. You had your shot and you blew it. So why start toying with her again? I mean, if you want her, then man up and tell her. Otherwise you gotta cut her loose. You gotta cut her loose and you gotta do it for real this time because I want her.
Jenny: Ella fell in love him, even though he’s a vampire. Or maybe it’s because he’s a vampire, I don’t know. But the thing is his family doesn’t suck the blood so it makes her feel safer.
Gossip Girl: They say that numbers don’t lie and money talks. But can Georgina still speak Poppy’s language?
Chuck: Listen. Blair—
Blair: No, me first. Nate’s waiting for me to give him an answer.
Chuck: I heard.
Blair: But you want to know what’s stopping me. I can’t answer his question while I’m waiting for you to answer mine. The one I asked you forever ago. What are we Chuck?
Chuck: Blair—
Blair: Last fall you said we couldn’t be together. And I believed you. But every time I try to move on you’re right there, acting like—
Chuck: Acting like what?
Blair: Like… maybe you just want me to be as unhappy as you are.
Chuck: I would never wish that on anyone. I want you to be happy.
Blair: Then look down deep, into the soul I know you have, and tell me if what you feel for me is real. Or if it’s just a game. If it’s real, we’ll figure it out. All of us. But if it’s not… then please Chuck. Just let me go.
Chuck: It’s just a game. I hate to lose. You’re free to go.
Blair: Thank you.
Serena: Chuck why did you just do that?
Chuck: Because I love her. I can’t make her happy.
Chuck: Where is she?
Blair: She’s inside but they won’t let us talk to her.
Chuck: We’ll see about that.
Nate: You called him?
Blair: Of course I did. He’s her brother. You have nothing to worry about with Chuck anymore.
Nate: Did he tell you that?
Blair: He gave me my answer. And you deserve yours. I don’t think we should move in together.
Nate: Me neither.
Blair: Then why—
Nate: I’m sorry, I was just using the apartment to force our issues and it’s just too big of a step. I’m sorry.
Blair: Well perhaps a more suitable step would be for you to ask me to prom.
Georgina: Hello Blair.
Blair: Georgina? You don’t sound like yourself.
Georgina: That’s funny. Because I feel more like myself than ever.
Blair: Where are you?
Georgina: Taking care of what you obviously couldn’t.
Blair: I don’t think Jesus would approve of that.
Georgina: Well. You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back.
Gossip Girl: Oh no. We warned you no good would come from spinning a wicked web. You just get all tangled up in your wicked lies.
Rufus: Please return this for me.
And the more you twist, the tighter the trap.
Chuck: I need you to dig up what dirt you can on the offices of the 55th precinct.
Nate: Detective Sanders? Yes, my grandfather William van der Bilt said you could help me get some information.
Blair: Serena’s mom gave her that bracelet. It’s been in the family for years. She couldn’t have stolen it.
Gossip Girl: Until you’re locked in a prison of your own making. Smile for the camera S. XOXO —Gossip Girl.