Season 4

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Belles de Jour

Serena: Blair what are you doing? We said we wouldn’t check Gossip Girl all summer.
Blair: Summer’s almost over.
Serena: So what does it say about Chuck?
Blair: I couldn’t be less interested. Serena gives her a look. No new posts. He’s been MIA since he left town this spring.
Serena: And what does it say about us?
Blair: “Oo la la! Paris is burning and Serena and Blair lit the match.” Of course your flame is hotter than mine. Everyone knows that the only guy who’s been in my pants all summer is the tailor at Pierre Balmain.
Serena: And whose fault is that? B, just as many guys have flirted with you. I just happen to have a thing for French waiters.
Blair: And bartenders. And museum docents. Anyone on a Vespa or a bicycle. Or wearing Zadig & Voltaire.
Serena: B, what’s wrong? I thought you were having fun.
Blair: I am. The best. But all summer I’ve been sitting in front of my favorite Manet and reading Colette in the park. Hoping that I’ll lock eyes with somebody who’s doing the same thing as me. And feeling the same things I am.
Serena: That’s really romantic.
Blair: But alas, not effective. For all my efforts I’m heading back home with a Chuck-sized cloud over my head.

Blair: You know, as much as I’m going to miss you and your provenance, having separate lives ensures no competition. Which means no high school pettiness. Promise we won’t go back to our old ways.
Serena: Like you said, that was high school.

Lily: I wanted to know if you or Blair had heard from Charles.
Serena: No, and I don’t expect to. It’s actually decent of him, leaving her alone.
Lily: Poor Blair. She’s still hurting?
Serena: Yeah. But she’s putting up a good front. And I wouldn’t worry about Chuck. Any normal summer he’s drunk on some island where polygamy’s legal.

Lily: How are you?
Serena: I’m not sure. I got into Columbia.
Lily: Sweetheart, that’s wonderful.
Serena: Yeah, but I’m not sure Blair will think so.

Serena: B, what are you doing? Cinderella did not Google Prince Charming.

Blair: So that means your date is a prince and mine…
Serena: Is charming, handsome and loves Manet. We make our own fairy tales.

Serena after Blair’s dramatic exit: So, who wants a bite of her dessert?

Blair: You can have the Left Bank, okay? But I want the Right. Every cleavage-bearing garçon and cute bartender is yours. But I want a dress from Dior and I want a date with a royal. And I want to go to school and take classes and have friends without living in your shadow for the next three years.
Serena: You heard about Columbia.

Blair: I love how it never has occurred to you that someone might not want to see you every single day.
Serena: Someone, sure. Probably lots of people. But not my best friend.
Blair: I need a chance to succeed on my own. I wanna be myself, where I belong. Last year, first with NYU and then Chuck, it was the worst year of my life.
Serena: Yeah, well my last year was pretty awful too. I fell for a married man, got in a major car accident. I fought with my mother so much I was basically homeless. And then there was my dad.
Blair: Fine. Stay in the city. Just go to a different school, okay?

Blair: I’ll go back by myself and I’ll come up with some story as to why you didn’t return. You tripped and fell in the fountain.
Serena: Seriously. No one’s gonna believe that.
Blair: Wanna bet?

Jean-Michel: Serena, what happened?
Serena: Blair happened. I’ll see you in New York. Jean-Michel, would you care to walk me home?

Blair: Is it any consolation that I totally imploded and ruined my date?
Serena: It’s not.

Blair: I really need my friend right now. I’ve been acting like I’m okay, but I’m not. They say it’s a broken heart but… I hurt in my whole body. What if I stay like this forever? What if I never get over Chuck?
Serena: You will. You’ll see.
Blair: I just don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m scared that if you come to Columbia I’ll do something to destroy us.
Serena: Well you pushed me in a fountain tonight and here we are talking about it like mature young women. So I’d say that’s a good sign.

Serena: Come on. Live dangerously. You in?
Blair: Yeah, I’m in.

Double Identity

Serena: I can’t believe it’s almost time to go back to New York already.
Blair: I know. And you still haven’t made your Sophie’s Choice between Brooklyn and the Upper East Side. Serena rolls her eyes. What? If you go back with an uncertain heart there will be drama and disaster for all.
Serena: It’s like choosing between eclairs and Napoleons. They’re both delicious.
Blair: Except Humphrey’s a doughnut. Well I would love to stay and talk patisserie, but I have to get ready for my perfect Parisian date.
Serena: Wait, what? You got Louis to give you a second chance? B, that’s great!
Blair: And to prove I care about more than his title I’ve planned a day of polite interaction with the proletariat. Think Diana, Princess of the People. Obviously I’ll wear gloves.
Serena: Obviously.

Lily: I’m sorry to bother you on your last day, Serena. I got a very upsetting phone call from the Paris police.
Serena: Ugh. If it’s about Blair pushing me in the fountain I’m not pressing charges.
Lily: They pulled a body out of the river. And found Charles’ wallet.
Serena: Oh my god. You don’t think it’s him, do you?
Lily: Well it would be a lot easier not to panic if someone had heard from him or he had been paying the Empire bills. Listen, um, sweetheart, they need a family member to identify the body. If it’s too much for you I will be on the next flight.
Serena: No. No, I’m here. I can do it.

Insp. Chevalier: The body was in no condition for fingerprints, but we found this. shows her a wallet and passport.
Serena: That’s his.
Insp. Chevalier: We’re testing the blood on the wallet. Do you need a moment to gather yourself?
Serena: No amount of time will ever make this okay.

Serena: B, I went to the morgue today.
Blair: What is that, a sex club?
Serena: A place where they keep dead bodies.
I had to identify one because he had Chuck’s I.D. Don’t worry, it wasn’t him.
Blair: I’m not worried.
Serena: But Blair, I just hung up with my mom and Chuck is missing.
Blair: Well consider him found. He was in the Rue de Charenton an hour ago.

Blair about Chuck: He’s stalking me.
Serena: Well what did he say when you saw him?
Blair: Nothing. He looked away and I kept driving.
Serena: That doesn’t sound very stalkerish.
Blair: It’s Chuck. It’s probably part of some elaborate scheme.

Serena: My friend saw him around here this morning. He has an intimate relationship with alcohol so I figured I’d check all the bars first.

Serena: Chuck, it’s you.
Eva: Who’s here?
Serena to Eva: Oh hi. I’m Serena van der Woodsen. I’m really sorry to show up like this. I’ve just been looking for Chuck everywhere.
Eva: Henry, what is she talking about?
Chuck: I don’t know. to Serena: The man you’re looking for is not here.

Chuck: I had a feeling you’d linger.
Serena: I’m not going to leave. Chuck, today I had to identify a body that the police thought was you. Did you do something to that man? If it was self-defense I’m sure that they would understand.
Chuck: I never touched that thief.
Serena: So is Blair right? Is this another one of your games?
Chuck: Do I look like I’m playing?
Serena: I know more than anyone what it’s like to want to reinvent yourself. But just because people are mad at you doesn’t mean you should disappear. My mom is really worried about you.
Chuck: I’m sure she’ll come to celebrate my absence. As will all the people who’ve wished me dead since the day I was born.
Serena: I know things were bad in New York, but if you don’t come home you’ll lose the Empire, you’ll lose everything you ever cared about.
Chuck: I lost the only thing I cared about. They can have everything else.
Serena: I don’t know what you told that girl, but you can’t turn your back on who you really are.
Chuck: I’m going to see an old associate. I’m picking up a passport with my new name on it. After today there is no Chuck Bass.
Serena: I’m staying at Eleanor and Cyrus’ when you realize that’s not true.

Serena: Oh wow. A coronation already. The date must have gone well.

Blair: The fairy tale is back on as long as the evil Queen doesn’t ruin it.
Serena: Well if you’re talking about Chuck, don’t worry. The only person he wants to poison is himself.
Blair: You talked to Chuck? No! I don’t care. I don’t even want to know what he said. I’ve been waiting all summer to feel sparkly again and I won’t be pulled back into the darkness.

Blair: Shouldn’t you be out dealing with your own issues instead of hunting me down?
Serena: I didn’t even know you were here. realizing. Why are you here?
Blair: Why are you?
Insp. Chevalier: I see that you have found Monsieur Bass’ stolen property.
Blair: Mr. Bass’ property. The ring is his?
Serena: That’s why I’m here. Inspector Chevalier asked me to claim it.

Serena: Blair he almost died holding on to that ring and to the hope of you.
Blair: I forgave him. For something no one else in the world would ever get over. Then he turned around and did the one thing he knew I could never let go.
Serena: But you don’t need to forgive him. You don’t even need to talk to him again after today. But I know you, and you’ll always regret it if you do nothing and just let him disappear.

Serena: It doesn’t feel right to be in New York without you.
Blair: Did the plane ride back to reality land you on either Nate or Dan?
Serena: Not exactly.
Blair: How could you spend seven hours on a plane with a library of romantic comedies and not find clarity?
Serena: Trust me, I tried. I even made a list of pros and cons. “Dan: good shoulder to cry on. Nate: good shoulders.”

Serena: Mom! Hey!
Lily: Serena. Darling, what are you doing here?
Serena: Larissa told me where you were. I came straight from the airport.
Lily: Well we have a surprise for you.
Serena: Great. But first I want to find Dan and Nate.
Dan walking in: Find me? I’m right here.
Serena: Dan! And Vanessa! Hey…
Nate walking in: Hey Serena.
Serena: Nate.
Nate: Juliet.
Serena: Hi.
Juliet: Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Rufus: Hey Serena.
Serena: Rufus and… baby?
Dan: This is Milo. He’s my son.
Serena: Son?
Vanessa: You saw me four months ago. If you thought I was pregnant then I’m offended.
Serena: Okay, is someone gonna help fill me in?
Nate: Not it.
Dan: Yeah, I will explain everything. Just sit down, I gotta get him a bottle.

The Undergraduates

Eric about Gossip Girl’s disappearance: Still nothing.
Serena: Good. I forgot how exciting the first day of school can be. New fall wardrobe, fresh slate. The fact that Gossip Girl isn’t around to stir up trouble only makes it that much more perfect.
Eric: Or she could be planning something big for your first day. After all the site says “Under Construction”, not “Out of Service”.

Blair: The good thing about no Gossip Girl: no Chuck. What about you? You’re the one who has to start college with an ex-boyfriend loose on campus.
Serena: Oh there won’t be any issues. Nate and I are still friends even if he is dating some gorgeous blonde named Juliet.
Blair: Oh, please. You are Serena van der Woodsen. We’ve been on campus what, five minutes? I bet there’s already a frat house filled with guys fighting over you. And don’t worry, my jealousy issues are as over as… surf fabrics for eveningwear. And besides, we’re carrying on our divide-and-conquer strategy from Paris.
Serena: But where will our neutral meeting ground be? Hot & Crusty will not possibly do after Café Louie Phillippe.

Blair: Were we supposed to meet up?
Serena: Last night we were but according to Gossip Girl you had a better offer.
Blair: I’m sorry.
Serena: B, it’s okay. I know you’re going to have house events. You just don’t need to cover it up.
Blair: I know. I was just drunk on gin and attention.

The minions are watching Serena and Blair’s Girls Gone Wild tape:
Serena: I learned a lot about the issues.
Blair: Oh you mean the Daddy issues.
Serena: Oh, like you’re so healthy. “I love Chuck, I hate Chuck, I love Chuck, I hate—”
Blair: Oh, and who do you love? Nate then Dan then Dan again. Aaron, Gabriel, Carter, Trip. Then Dan again. Then Nate again. Did your father finally fix that? Because he seemed pretty busy giving your mom fake cancer.

Juliet: I think we’ve seen enough. We have to save our sister from that crazy bitch! (she dramatically pulls the curtains apart to find a mellow Serena and Blair)
Serena: Turns out I’m not the crazy one.
Blair: Or the bitch.
Dorota: Champagne?

Blair: Admittedly your ploy to blame me for Serena not getting into Hamilton House would have worked in high school, but not now.
Serena: Did you really think I would believe you over Blair?
Juliet: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Or what just happened here.
Blair: We had Dorota film us earlier. Gossip Girl played it as a favor. She prefers to be the only one screwing with us.

Juliet: Whatever twisted frenemy-slash-ex-boyfriend situation you have going on Serena, it has nothing to do with me. I told you that the alumni committee makes the decisions—
Serena: You seriously thought we wouldn’t know anyone on the committee?
Juliet: You can’t. That’s the secret part of a secret committee.
Lily walking in: Unless the keymaster misbehaves. Half of the board members of Bass Industries are alumni. One phonecall confirmed the obvious. That Serena has always been at the top of the list. Congratulations darling. to Juliet: Key please.

Serena: So how was it seeing Chuck with Eva?
Blair: Harder than I expected. But at least he’s not going to Columbia. No offense.
Serena: Yeah, I guess I just didn’t expect Nate to be so mad at me.
Blair: I thought the only thing he got upset about was a badly rolled joint.

Touch of Eva

Dorota: Sorry, Miss Blair. No papers today. I think maybe 8H steal them again.
Blair: Dorota. We both know it was you, not Susan Lucci, who took my papers. But there’s no point. It’s all over the internet.
Serena (from the adjoining room): What is?
Blair: What are you reading? Chuck gave Eva a limited edition Baignoire Cartier watch. Gossip Girl even has a whole thread where people can guess how much it costs.
Dorota: How can she even see time through all that sparkly? (Blair gives her a look) I go get more coffee.
Blair: How can I stomach going to his charity auction later? Watching everyone ooh and ooh la la over that French floozy and that watch. Some are speculating it costs more than anything he ever gave me.
Serena: B, I know it’s hard to see Chuck with someone else, but you have to stop doing this to yourself.
Blair: I’m just worried about him. We’ve seen this before. Strangers weaseling their way into our hearts. Clearly Eva has an agenda. I’m guessing it’s his money.
Serena: You know Eva actually seems nice, and even if she isn’t it’s not your business anymore.
Blair: Oh. And it’s your business to be monitoring Nate and Juliet? And even worse, Humphrey and Dumpty?
Serena: Fine. We’re both having trouble moving on. But it was just so easy in Paris.
Blair: You were just so easy in Paris.
Serena: Enough. But now—
Blair: Now you’re here, and those boys are taken.
Serena: For now.
Blair: Yes, you’re right. Maybe Dan and Nate will see the error of their ways and break up with those girls. Or they’ll marry them and you’ll die hitting refresh.
Serena: Okay fine. You know what? I will stay away from Nate and Dan. But you have to stay away from Chuck and Eva. No plotting. No meddling. No Blair Waldorfing.
Blair: I’m not going to! I wasn’t— I… was going shopping. Anyway.
Serena: Okay. Then I’m just going to stay home and unpack all day. No gala. And tonight we’ll watch Amelie and try to recreate our favorite cocktails from Le Très Particulier. Deal?
Blair: Deal.

Serena: I know what you’re up to. You’re at Cartier checking the cost of that watch. You’re breaking your pact.
Blair: And you’re looking at Gossip Girl, thereby breaking yours. Anyway it just so happens that my watch is broken.
Serena: You were wearing it yesterday and it worked perfectly fine.
Blair smashing her watch on the case: Well. Now it doesn’t. Notices Eva in Cartier as well.
Serena: Blair, we had a deal. (silence) B, why did you stop talking?
Blair: No reason.

Dan: Well I’m sure you heard that Milo’s not mine. Georgina took him back.
Serena: Yeah, my mom told me. I’m sorry. How do you feel?
Dan: Vanessa and everyone keeps asking me that. Trying to get me to talk about it like it was this crushing blow, but I just got my life back. I want to enjoy it now, you know?

Blair: Is that Dan? That is not what you promised me!
Serena: It’s different. He came to me.
Blair: First, I don’t believe you.

Serena: Even though you may regret entering my world, at least you’ve developed terrific social espionage skills.
Dan: Well as they say, “Adapt or die.”

Blair: The woman is a saint! She didn’t recoil from those creepy cat rescuers. Or turn away from those pictures of the starving children. She didn’t even cringe when that homeless man licked her arm.
Dan: Well she might be used to weird guys licking her.
Serena: Yeah, ’cause she may be a saint but she’s also a prostitute.

Lily: You two look gorgeous!
Serena: Thank you. So do you. Though I do question your manila evening bag.
Lily: Oh, well, the Paris police sent me Charles’ effects about a week ago. Money clip, passport, you know I just keep forgetting.

Dan: I need to know. When you came home, were you coming home to me or him?
Serena: Honestly Dan, I was trying to choose.
Dan: Serena, there are some people who don’t need to choose.

Blair: No Dan? In that dress. I’m shocked.
Serena: Yeah, I guess it’s for the best though. I mean If I end up with Dan a part of me will always love Nate. If I end up with nNate a part of me will always love Dan, so I don’t know. I guess I just need to find someone who gives me what I get from both of them.
Blair: That’s a mature decision. Not sure I’ve made many of my own for awhile.
Serena: What do you mean?
Dorota: Miss Blair, Mr. Chuck is here.

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Goodbye, Columbia

Serena: Hey! Hey hey. Are you kidding me?
Cab Poacher: Hey, you again.
Serena: Yes. Me again. Getting my cab taken by you again.
Cab Poacher ignoring her: Nice bag. I like it better than the one you had the other day.
Serena: Thank you. It’s supposed to be at class with me. I can’t be late again so if you don’t mind.
Cab Poacher: Sorry, she had an audition. Something…
I think a talking dog was involved.
Serena: Yeah, I know the feeling.
Cab Poacher: Why don’t you let me make it up to you. Buy you a drink sometime?
Serena: Are you seriously hitting on me while still holding your date’s shoes?
Cab Poacher: Well if you change your mind, the King Cole Bar is the only place in town that still makes a Red Snapper. You look like you’re about a size eight.

Serena: B, how do you do it? Chuck declares war and you simply up your classload.
Blair: The more time I spend on campus the safer I am. Chuck is allergic to education and bettering himself.
Serena: Well I’m not. So if I’m going to work on my new self I should head to the library. Sign me up for Martha’s class. We’ll go together.

Serena: A good scandal is one thing, but even Gossip Girl likes to keep things classy and somewhat true. I just wanted to focus on school.
Blair: Well don’t let this stop you. Without someone confirming the rumor it’ll blow over by lunch. Now just keep doing what you’re doing. Hold your head high. This is our school. We were here first, damn him to hell!
Serena: Why do I get the feeling like your pep talk is not entirely meant for me.

Serena: If you’re not going to let a disease like Chuck deter you, what leg do I have to stand on.

Blair: We can’t let the men of our past define us. They want us to lash out, lower ourselves to their level. But it is our job to remain civilized.
Serena: So you’re going to let Chuck have the assistant position then.
Blair: I said civilized, not lobotomized.

Serena: You know Vanessa, you always want to believe the worst in people. Why change now.
Vanessa: Exactly.

Blair: Where have you been?
Serena: I know. I’m late. Again.
Blair: So I take it the meeting with your professor did not go well.
Serena: It didn’t go at all.
I didn’t make it.
Blair: You know there’s a clock on your cellphone, right?

Serena: B, can I just wish you good luck and take plausible deniability on this one?
Blair: Luck not needed, but right back atcha.

Serena: I’m so sorry I didn’t make our meeting this morning, but as I mentioned in my email I’m hoping to impress upon you—upon both of you—that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to succeed at this school.
Dean: Yes, the email that you sent to Professor Lawford makes that pretty clear.
Serena: I’m sorry?
Dean: Perhaps we should have this conversation in private.
Serena: And what conversation would that be?
Dean: The one regarding your email that offers sex for grades.
Serena: What? I didn’t do that, I would never do that.
Dean: This is your email address, is it not?
Serena: Yes, but I didn’t send this.
Dean: Miss van der Woodsen, obviously we pay no mind to childish rumors that circulate all college campuses, but this email is extremely serious. The consequence of sending it I’m afraid is expulsion.
Serena: Expulsion?

Serena: My phone isn’t in here. Whoever stole it must have been the person that sent the email.
Dean: A missing cellphone is hardly proof. I’ll see you in my office on Monday and we’ll talk about what’s next.

Dan: Hey. What’s going on?
Serena: Vanessa stole my phone and sent an email to my professor.
Dan: That’s crazy.
Serena: Really? Do you want to answer that?

Dean: I believe you didn’t send that email. But I can’t ignore the level of drama that has followed you to my campus and grown even louder since you’ve arrived.
Serena: Meaning?
Dean: Women of my generation had to fight for every opportunity. And to be taken seriously. And your attitude, Ms. van der Woodsen, makes a mockery of that. If I were you, I’d rethink my priorities.

Cab Poacher: The Red Snapper. Excellent choice. What do you think?
Serena: I think it’s a Bloody Mary with an inferiority complex.
Cab Poacher: Fair enough.

Cab Poacher: Tell you what: one drink, one question. Tell me why you’re drinking alone and I’ll tell you anything you want.
Serena: I thought I could start over. But it turns out college is just high school with more expensive books. There’s no starting over. No matter where I go, whatever I do, my past seems to follow me. So. What about you? Why are you with a different girl every night?
Cab Poacher: Because I stopped apologizing for my past a long time ago.
Serena: Does that really work? Does it actually make you happy?
Cab Poacher: It did.

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Easy J

Blair: What have we here? Bed unslept in. Hair in… missionary disarray. And yesterday’s dress with today’s shame all over it.
Serena: No shame. For your information we just stayed up talking.
Blair: Oh. So does this chatty insomniac have a name?
Serena: Colin. The Cab Stealer.
Blair: Oh well you showed him.
Serena: It turns out he actually has some redeeming qualities. He’s handsome in an old Hollywood way. He’s smart and even though he’s a businessman he’s more interested in talking about Lichtenstein and Warhol—which he collects, by the way.
Blair: So what are you doing here?
Serena: He also collects women. That he puts into cabs. A new one each morning. And I’m not going to be one of them.

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War at the Roses

Serena: So you’re from Maine.
Colin: I grew up on a boat. Not a yacht, a trawler. My family’s in lobsters.
Serena: I love The Deadliest Catch.

Serena: Why are we sidebarring? Do you really want access to strip clubs?
Blair: No, I just don’t want to seem like I’m ceding territory too easily. So pretend we’re talking about something serious. Like my birthday. Or, have you figured out that anniversary situation?
Serena: B, what can I do? They’re already planning a family thing.
Blair: Unacceptable. Just like that sex glow you’re sporting.
Serena: There was no sex. Just coffee.
Blair: Coffee is the thing you have before you pay the check to go have sex.

Serena: Let’s be honest, we may sit across from each talking about bagels versus brioche, but all we’re thinking…
Colin: Is what it would be like to have breakfast in bed.
Serena: Okay, as much as it kills me to say this, no more office hours. I just can’t be alone in a room with you. So other than class, I’ll see you in six weeks.
Colin: Other than tonight. The dean just emailed that my presence is requested at a party. Apparently at your place.

Blair: Why are you talking to that horrible Juliet and what are you doing here with Nate?
Serena: Well you’ll be happy to know that Colin and I—
Blair: Hey! My ears don’t register his name.
Serena: —are trying to stay away from each other, which is why I brought Nate as a buffer. And since you won’t listen to my Colin problems I had to go to Juliet for advice.
Blair: Serena. Do you have amnesia? Juliet isn’t your friend.
Serena: She’s actually proven to be a pretty good friend since she saved me from Vanessa’s takedown.
Blair: Oh please. If I want to hear fiction I’ll go talk to Jonathan Franzen. In fact…. she walks off.

Colin about The Beautiful and Damned: Anthony Patch is more tragic than Gatsby.
Serena: I can’t believe you actually read it.
Colin: Why wouldn’t I? You gave it to me.
Serena: You know I think I like you too much to do this right now. We’ve come this far. The old me would have gone farther but the new me really wants to wait.
Colin: I’m glad I know the new you. She’s a great teacher.
Serena: So, six more weeks.
Colin: Yeah. At least we stopped ourselves before we made a mess of everything. No one found out. So we’re safe.
Serena: Well in that case. she kisses him.

Juliet Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

Serena: I need to talk. I’m having Colin issues.
Blair: And boundary issues. Ladies knock. And besides the only issue you should be having with Professor Forrester is the topic of your midterm. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to it the snooze button on this conversation and go back to bed.
Serena: All I can think about is how much I want to be on his arm at the ballet. And instead I’ve got the dean’s target on my back. How are we supposed to even try to have a relationship?
Blair: I hate it when the duvet puffs up like that. Maybe it’s just the way you’re sitting.
Serena: I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like meanwhile life is just passing us by. It’s not fair.
Blair: Life is tough Serena. Get a helmet. Or at least borrow one of my chapeaux. Wear it all day to remind you not to lose your head. Get off! Go!
Serena: Well thank you for the great advice.

Serena: I’m having a whole new appreciation for pleather seats with duct tape.

Blair: Serena. What are you doing on campus so early?
Serena: Watching you climb out of a brownstone vestibule with Chuck following like the Bass that ate the canary. And no denials—your skirt’s on backwards.
Blair: No, it isn’t. checks. Fine. I may have slipped up. A little. But it’s just sex. And a one-time thing at that. Or maybe a five-time thing. Okay, if we’re being honest I’ve lost count how many times. Though that depends on what you’re actually counting as—
Serena: Blair. What are you doing? You’ve come so far. Don’t fall off the wagon now.
Blair: I haven’t! It’s just your ordinary run-of-the-mill ex-sex. Fueled by the most common of aphrodisiacs. Mutual loathing and disdain.
Serena: May I remind you that both of those things are feelings, and having any feelings for Chuck is where the problems always start.
Blair: There are about as many feelings between me and Chuck as there are thoughts in Levi Johnston’s head. We’re nothing more than enemies. With benefits. And quite a lot of judgment coming from you, Elizabeth Taylor! You’re about one inappropriate relationship away from the Guinness Book.
Serena: Colin and I actually had a very good talk this morning and he wants a real relationship too.
Blair: Yes. I hear the 97th Street Transverse is a lovely spot to drive past on a date.
I saw you get in that cab.

Nate: Hey.
Vanessa: This is how you return phone calls now?
Nate: I went to Juliet’s apartment today and it turns out she doesn’t live there. She never has.
Vanessa: What?
Nate: Look, I’m sorry, Vanessa. I should have believed you when you said she set you up. Juliet’s a liar and she’s been lying to me this whole time.
Vanessa: Finally. Took someone long enough. But seriously, I appreciate you telling me.
Nate: Enough that you’ll help me find out where she’s hiding?
Vanessa: Let me see. Writing a paper on Hannah Arendt or… a secret mission that might help me clear my name. Let me grab my bag.

Serena: Why do you have mad face? Is everything okay?
Dan: No, it’s not okay. You should know better.
Serena: I think I missed something.
Dan: I didn’t. I saw you this morning getting out of a cab with Colin Forrester. Are you having an affair with your professor?
Serena: Well technically he’s a guest lecturer, and no, it’s not an affair because we agreed not to do anything until the semester’s over. It’s romantic.
Dan: What would be romantic is him actually making a sacrifice for you.
Serena: What are you saying?
Dan: When we were together I would have done anything for you so if this billionaire really cares about you then why can’t he quit teaching and take you on a date? You’re worth more than a guest lecturer fee. Everyone knows that. I just wish you did.

Serena: Separate flights?
Colin: We’ll meet at the Pink Sands. Your room’s under your name. I always book mine under Buffett.

Serena: I don’t know. Maybe this is not such a great idea.
Colin: What happened when you got out of the cab?
Serena: We both know this is a case of bad timing. I’m just the first one to say it. I’m sorry.

Serena: Blair, is there something we need to talk about?
Blair: This is no cause for concern, Serena. I know I said I was quitting Chuck, and I am. It’s just a bit harder to chuck Chuck than I thought. And what if I need sex rehab like Jesse James?
Serena: You’re going to overcome this. Maybe because I overcame my obstacle today. I showed some willpower and I broke up with Colin.
Blair: Good for you! For once, you’re thinking with your brain and not with your…
Serena offering: Macaroon? If he really wanted to be with me, all he needed to do was just drop the class. It was a class that he didn’t want or need to teach anyway.
Blair: You are Serena van der Woodsen. You deserve a guy who would move mountains to be with you if he had to.
Serena: I’ve been thinking about that all day. And you’re Blair Waldorf. Fortitude is your talent. Stay strong. I’ll see you at the ballet. I gotta go make a call.

Serena: I don’t understand. You brought Colin as your date. Are you on a sugar high?
Blair: No. He’s your date. Not mine.

Serena: You tried to destroy my friendship with Blair, my reputation, my academic career…
Chuck: You failed every time, and now it’s time for you to go.
Juliet: I’m trying to.
Nate: He’s talking about Columbia.
Blair: You don’t belong there anyway.
Chuck: If we catch you hanging around there again there will be consequences.
Blair: And we’re really good at payback.

View all quotes from this episode

The Witches of Bushwick

Serena: Hey, why are you guys eating? I thought we were going to Sarabeth’s.
Eric: Ah, we decided we could spread out better here. There’s more room to work.
Serena: On what, your calculus homework?
Eric: Your love life. It’s a little something called “Dan vs. Nate”. We’re here to help.
Elliot: And we brought protractors.
Serena: A Venn diagram, really? You seriously expect me to make this monumental decision with colored pencils and graph paper?
Eric: Don’t mock. Elliot got an 800 on his math SATs.
Elliot: Mm hm. Probability. Set theory. It’s basically what they do when you join an online dating service.
Serena: Okay, E’s Harmony. I will submit to your method, but just so you know I did choose. I called Dan right after I broke up with Colin and Nate showed up and said some things I couldn’t ignore.
Elliot: And then?
Serena: Well I ignored him, ran up to my room, and haven’t spoken to either since.
Eric: That’s a familiar coping mechanism.

Serena: You could at least try to hide your disappointment.
Lily: Well I have nothing to hide, I simply want to put this behind us.
Serena: Even if I have to wear a scarlet letter for something I didn’t do?

Serena: I think Dean Reuther was actually trembling. You were very impressive.
Lily: I was, wasn’t I?

Blair: Don’t look at me like that. You’re the one that’s black and white and read all over.
Serena: How do you think that happened? A secret relationship.
Blair: But Chuck and I are not in a relationship. What are you, a foot fetishist? They’re done!
Serena: B, come on. You and Chuck have way too much history to interact in a casual way.

Blair: As for your devoted suitors, have you finally decided whom to crush?
Serena: No, and I have feeling for both. I don’t want to hurt either.
I have a whole new appreciation for Big Love.
Blair: Well. Even in Utah only the men get to have more than one spouse. Which, I’ve come to realize, is extremely sexist.

Blair: So. Go forth to Madison and seek out the perfect dress. And then follow your heart to the perfect guy.
Serena: Okay, Sensei.

Serena: Great. Now neither of these will work. Should I be a saint or a sinner?
Eric: Dan versus Nate was hard enough. I am not touching Good versus Bad Serena.

Door Guy: What was that name again?
Serena: Oh I’m sorry. I thought he told you. Serena van der Woodsen.
Door Guy: Nice try. But she’s already inside.
Serena: Well that’s a mistake because I’m her.
Door Guy: Sorry. Do you have ID?
Serena: I didn’t come to rent a car.

Blair: So Anne, Nate and Dan are all liars? That’s a lot of people to blame. Even for you. Just admit you did the wrong thing. Or maybe you don’t know what that is anymore.
Serena: You know, you’re not the first person to say that today so I guess it must be true. You know it was a bad choice thinking that you’d be on my side.
Blair: Not as bad a my believing that you’d ever be happy for my success.

Gaslit

Operator: 911, what’s your emergency?
Serena: My name is Serena van der Woodsen. I don’t know who I am or how I got here. Please help.

Eric: How you feeling?
Serena: Betrayed. Thanks.
Lily: Serena, I know right now—
Serena: Mom, stop. Your daughter wakes up alone. Drugged. In an empty motel room. And you don’t call the cops, you don’t ask if she’s okay or what happened. You just have her committed. What kind of mother does that?
Lily: The kind of mother who wants her daughter safe.
Serena: Is that what you’re telling yourself—that this is what’s best for me?
Lily: Well Serena this isn’t exactly what’s best for me. You know it would be a lot easier to take you home and act like this never happened. But I’m afraid for you.

Serena: How could you let her do this to me?
Eric: Because I love you. When I was in here, I didn’t want to be. At least not at first.
Serena: I’m not in denial, Eric. I didn’t do this.
Eric: It took me a long time to come to terms with what I did too.

Dan: What happened?
Serena: Honestly, I don’t know. But I really wish I did because then maybe I could explain it to everyone.
Dan: What’s the last thing you remember?
Like what do you know, for certain?
Serena: Heading into the party to look for you. You were the one that I came to kiss. You and only you. It’s the last thing I’m certain of. It’s the only thing I still am.
Dan: Get your stuff.

Dan: Come on. I bust you out of the loony bin and you’re going to mock my choice of transportation. We’re fugitives, alright? We’re taking the bus.
Serena: Are we really doing this? Just running away together?
Dan: No, running away is what guilty people do. We’re just getting out of the city for a few days to get some space and clear your head. It’s a vacation.
Serena: A vacation. I like that. Hey, thank you for believing in me.
Dan: How could I not.

Serena: You can spare me whatever you rehearsed on the way over. I’m not going back.
Blair: Even if it’s what’s best for you?
Serena: You don’t get a vote. I can’t believe you took her side.
Lily: Serena—
Serena: Look, call whoever you need to call but the only way I’m going back there is in a straightjacket.

Serena: What makes you think I want to talk to you anymore than her?
Blair: Do you remember when I had my problem? And I never wanted to go to Dr. Sherman. So you would walk me and wait outside the building to make sure that I went in, and an hour later you’d be standing there to walk me home, no questions asked. If it wasn’t for you I’d never have gotten better.
Serena: Except I don’t need to get better. I didn’t do anything.
Blair: So what? Someone went on a bender and rented a room with your credit card and forced pills down your throat?
Serena: I know how it sounds.
Blair: Good. ‘Cause it sounds—
Serena: Crazy. Yeah, I got that.

Serena: Thank you for being the one person who believed in me. Even though it turns out you were wrong too.
Dan: I wasn’t wrong to believe in you. I still do. I always will.

View all quotes from this episode

The Townie

Eric: I know I’ve already said this but I’m really proud of you and so is mom.
Serena: Is that why she’s here to tell me herself? Do I even want to know where she is?
Eric: She and Chuck are meeting with a reporter from The Post this morning. Some profile on Bass Industries.
Serena: Oh, The Post. Because they have such award-winning business coverage.
Eric: Don’t tell me you detect a whiff of eau de damage control?
Serena: Mom’s classic scent. Brings back the fondest memories of childhood.
Eric: I’m way ahead of you there, but when I confronted her about it she didn’t deny it. Bass Industries is a family-run company. And like it or not, what the family does affects what people think about it.
Serena: I know I’ve put her in a tough position. But please promise me that you’ll try to keep her honest about where I am and what’s going on. No stories about Aunt Carols in Miami like when you were here.
Eric: I am on it. Although that Marlins jersey that Bart Bass bought me that year for Christmas would look great on you.

Counselor: Serena, help me understand. Are you upset because of what you did or because you can’t remember it?
Serena: Both. And neither.
If you saw a photo of yourself on the internet doing cocaine what would you think?
Counselor: I wouldn’t know what to think. I would never do that.
Serena: Exactly. But with me I can’t be too sure. I may not remember kissing Dan and Nate or crossing Blair, but…. You know, this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been with two guys in one night or
betrayed my best friend.

Serena making absinthe: Let the sugar cube melt, drop it in. Extinguish the flame… and drink up.

Serena: You know I think he was the only guy to ever say no to me. I was in love with him. Well as in love as I had ever been at that point. After that I didn’t know how to act around him so we, ah, we never really talked again.
Counselor: This must have been very disappointing to the sixteen-year-old adventuress that you were at the time. But when you tell this story now, what does it make you think?
Serena: That Ben Donovan was a pretty great guy.

Serena: And the photo of me on Gossip Girl. That was you too?
Juliet: Yep. I went out dressed like you and partied like it was 2007.
Serena: And then you just left me for dead in a motel room. Why, because of Nate? Or Colin?
Juliet: No, you stupid bitch. Because you destroyed my brother’s life!
Serena: Who’s your brother?
Juliet: Ben Donovan.
Serena: Ben is your brother? What did I ever do to him?

Serena: I can’t do this.
Lily: Okay, I—
Serena: Hi, I’m Serena. I’m Lily’s daughter. I wasn’t going to be able to make it tonight because I was actually at the Ostroff Center. Though if it were up to my mother she would have you believe I was at Canyon Ranch. That’s because having a daughter who’s in a mental hospital threatens her carefully protected image. She wants you all to think that she’s the perfect host and mother and wife. But the truth is she’s a selfish liar who will destroy anyone who stands in her way.

Lily: I apologize, Charles. It seems that my biological children don’t understand that when business is at stake, you need to leave your dirty laundry in the hamper.
Serena: Is that what Ben Donovan was to you? Dirty laundry.
Rufus: Who’s Ben Donovan?
Serena: He was my boarding school teacher. Mom falsely accused him of statutory rape. So now he’s serving time for a crime he didn’t commit.
Lily: Is that what the Ostroff Center calls treatment these days? Public scenes and false accusations.
Serena: Juliet is Ben’s sister. She told me everything. So please, no more lying. What happened?
Lily: You wanted to come home and I wanted you here. But when Constance saw your records from Knightly they wouldn’t take you back. And it was the same with all the decent schools. And I was worried about your future so I went to Knightly and talked to the administration.
Serena: Of course you did.
Lily: Well when I was on campus there were some girls gossiping about you. They said that you had spent the night at a bed and breakfast with one of your teachers.
Serena: That was just gossip.
Lily: Well it was gossip I could use to our advantage. I expressed my concern to the school that one of their teachers was having an inappropriate relationship with my underage daughter.
Serena: So you sent Ben to prison so that I could go to Constance?
Lily: Well no! Of course not. But after I left the school alerted the authorities and then , I didn’t know what I had set in motion until I was contacted by the D.A. and by then it was too late.
Serena: What? Too late to tell the truth? So you just destroy a man’s life all so that you can keep up appearances?
Lily: No, I did this for you! For your future. Look, it’s not like Mr. Donovan was guilt-free. He shouldn’t have been having an affair with a student.
Serena: But he didn’t do anything. Nothing ever happened.
Lily: Serena, you don’t have to protect him.
Serena: I’m not protecting him. He never touched me, Mom. You sent an innocent man to prison.

Lily: Serena, I’m so sorry. Please believe me. You have to.
Serena: I don’t have to do anything for you ever again.

one week later…

Nate: Is that Lily?
Serena: By proxy. She’s in Montecito so she’s having Cece call. Is Rufus gonna join her?
Dan: Yeah, but he’s driving out on his own. I think he needed time to clear his head.
Blair: See, I told you road trips were strictly for Humphreys.
Serena: Since my mom isn’t going to help get Ben out of jail I want to find the judge whose name is on the affidavit. I think he lives Upstate so I thought I’d turn it into a road trip. Why don’t you come with me?
Dan: Ah, how long were you thinking?
Serena: Well I have to be back by the time school starts. I called Dean Reuther and explained that it wasn’t me that dropped out. She was not happy, but she did reinstate me.

Dan: Serena, I would love to go away with you. But it feels like this trip is something you might need to do on your own.
Serena: I’ve been trying so hard to prove to the world that I’ve changed. But I think the person that doubted it the most was me. I’m going to work on that.
Dan: And you’ll succeed. I know you will. And I know you better than anyone. Be safe.

Ben: Serena? What are you doing here?
Serena: I had to come see you.
Ben: I don’t know what to say.
Serena: Neither do I. But I feel like I should start.

View all quotes from this episode

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The Kids Are Not All Right

Blair: Well. Welcome back. All this for two weeks?
Serena: I had no idea where my PI mission was going to take me. I had to be prepared.
Blair: For a night with Taylor Swift?
Serena: Aside from forging affidavits that send innocent men to jail, Judge Stephens also enjoys riding horses on his ranch in Virginia.
Blair: Well someone did her research.
Serena: Apparently not enough, because he wasn’t there and no one knew who he was. So I had to pull an Erin Brockovitch and go down to the Litchfield County clerk’s office to try to get a copy of the case.

Serena: Did you… happen to see Dan over the break?
Blair: Why would I? What’s going on with you two anyway?
Serena: I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out how we both feel at family brunch.
Blair: Well. Here’s my advice: have a little faith, and if that doesn’t work, a lot of Mimosas.

Serena: So, how was your break? What did you do?
Dan: Why, what’d you hear?
Serena: Nothing. Which, I’m afraid, is what I have to report from my road trip.
Dan: Hm. I’m sorry. I know you were hoping for some closure.
Serena: Well my mom’s deviousness is the gift that keeps on giving, so for now at least the past still lingers.

Serena: Was brunch a special occasion?
Dan: No, no. I have an interview with Writers’ House later. It’s a literary agency for my internship.
Serena: Well that’s the one good thing about being a freshman. I don’t have to think about that this year.
Dan: That, and a lot of other things it seems.
Serena: Dan, you knew my focus was fixing things for Ben. I didn’t realize I had an ultimatum.

Rufus: I’m sorry for ambushing you guys, but we need to start talking again. Dan. How’s that internship search going?
Lily: Oh, that’s right. Maybe I can help. I can call one of my friends at Condé Nast.
Serena: Hm. Maybe you could forge a signature on the cover letter.
Lily: Serena.
Dan: This talking thing’s going great.
Serena: What I want to know is how many times you got your hair done this week while an innocent man sat in prison.
Eric: Serena—
Lily: Contrary to what you might believe, I am handling this in a way that is best for this family, and we’re not going to discuss it anymore.
Serena: Okay. {she gets up.}

Dan: Crazy question, but why isn’t Ben just going after Lily himself?
Serena: Because he knows she’ll go to the cops and tell them what Juliet did to me.
Dan: Oh, you mean kidnap and drug you?
Serena: Look, however wrong it was enough harm has been done to their family by ours.
Dan: It’s a lot to take on by yourself, that’s all.
Serena: You know, I’m tired and this crusade has taken me away from other things.
Dan: Well do you want to go somewhere and talk? Or not talk?

Chuck: As I see it, we have two distinct goals. I want to block the sale of Bass Industries, you want to get ol’ Ben out of jail. A single strategy may satisfy us both.
Serena: Which is?
Chuck: Blackmail.
Serena: But I can’t pressure her unless I have hard evidence.
Chuck: Well, while you were brunching I took the liberty of checking the safe at the house. Did you know she has a safety deposit box at the Dorset Bank on Madison?
Serena: No.
Chuck: I know you spent your entire life not wanting to become your mother, but… desperate times.

Chuck: Relax. You’re a spitting image.
Serena: Remind me to kill you later for that.
Chuck: The teller we need to talk to is named Julie. She’s new, I remember her.
Serena: And who do we say you are, my son?
Chuck: Is it weird hearing you say that actually turns me on?
Serena: This better be worth the therapy.

Serena: All I have in my pile are divorce papers, jewelry and artful nudes of my mother in her groupie days.
Chuck: Swap piles?

Serena: What did you expect to find in here anyway?
Chuck: A gun. The smoking kind.
Serena: Oh my god, you found a copy of the affidavit.

Serena: We have her.
Chuck: You want to make the call or should I?
Serena: No. Later. In person.
Chuck: I like the way you think, mom.

Serena: I’m really sorry. I swear I thought I would make it on time. Did you miss your interview?
Dan: Yeah. But it was my own fault for thinking you’d show up on time. Look, I really can’t get into this now. I’m on my way out.
Serena: Where are you going?
Dan: Well James Franco is giving a reading of some of his short stories at Housing Works and the Writers’ House agent is going to be there, so I’m gonna and try to, try to woo him. The agent, not James Franco.
Serena: Well, why don’t I go with you as your date? Then after you impress the hell out of the agent we can have that talk.

Dan: Hey, what are we doing here?
Serena: Just, one more minute.
Dan: No. No more minutes.
Serena: She can’t keep getting away with this. It’s not fair.
Dan: Fair? My agency meeting was important today. It was my last shot.
Serena: I know, but you’ll get another chance.
Dan: No, I won’t. Normal people don’t get an endless number of chances no matter the situation. That’s just you. Whatever it is you’re planning to do, is it worth it or are you going to walk out the door with me right now?
Serena: I’m sorry.

Serena: I don’t mean to take you for granted. It’s just, if we’re being completely honest…
Dan: We are.
Serena: I think that maybe sometimes I test you. You know, I keep thinking that if things get too hard you’ll give up on me. But you never do.
Dan: And I never will. If you really need me—ever—I am there. But I think there’s a reason you didn’t insist I come with you over break.
Serena: And why you didn’t try to make me stay.
Dan: So where does that leave us?
Serena: One last shot. If we ever do jump in again, that’ll be it. We either sink or swim. We won’t get another chance.
Dan: And when that time comes we better make damn sure we’re ready.
Serena: Yeah. We should.

Gossip Girl: And whether you kick things off by sleeping with the enemy, or trying your best to remake a former friend—
Ben Donovan: Serena.
Serena: You’re still here.
Ben: Just waiting for the bus. What are you even doing here?
Serena: Are you free for coffee?
Ben: I’ll be free for anything.
Gossip Girl: One thing’s for sure, anything is possible. XOXO —Gossip Girl.

View all quotes from this episode

Damien Darko

Blair: What are you doing up this early?
Serena: Breakfast with Ben. And don’t lecture. He’s a nice person. A nice, innocent person who deserves a friend after what my mom did to him.
Blair: A lot of mascara for a friend. But you can have breakfast with whomever you want. I don’t judge. {Serena gives her a look} Well, today I don’t. Because today everything is new and fresh and golden. Today my internship begins.
Serena: You finally going to tell me where it is?
Blair: It’s too important, I can’t jinx it! I’ll tell you after my first day. But I must go.
Serena: But you realize most offices aren’t even open this early. Unless you’re interning in a donut shop.
Blair: I want to be early. What is wrong with being early? Catch the worm!
Serena: Okay, I’ll see you at the W party tonight. And good luck at your new job at the mayor’s office or the Whitney or CIA or whatever. This is like living with Don Draper.

Ben: Serena, the reason I asked you here is because I heard from an old college friend. He’s starting an organic farm up in Ithaca. Wants me to move up there.
Serena: Wow. Ithaca is supposed to be beautiful. But are you sure?
Ben: Be outside all day, work with my hands. After being cooped up so long, it’s kind of ideal.
Serena: Well I hope we get to spend some time together before you go.
Ben: I’m leaving tomorrow. I want to start my new life as soon as possible. I hope you understand.
Serena: Yeah, of course.

Serena: Look, I couldn’t care less about clearing your conscience. When are you going to realize your occupation hurts people?
Damien: I don’t give anyone anything that they don’t come looking for.
Serena: Okay, well then I guess you’re only half-responsible that I almost died.

Serena: This was for Ben. “Please use this money to start a new life. Far away from me and my family.” {on the back} “I don’t need your blood money to stay away. I’ll stay away for free.”

Serena: Well at least now I know why Ben lied. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me because I’m the daughter of the person that ruined the last three years of his life and is trying to ruin the rest of it.
Lily: Thirty thousand dollars would hardly ruin his life.

Blair: Your mother might be up to her old tricks, but maybe it’s best for Ben to get a fresh start without you.
Serena: Maybe. I don’t know. I just don’t want to go down without a fight.

Serena: B, I hear scheming in your voice. You cannot sabotage him.
Blair: Why not? I’m not going to treat him any better than all my other enemies just ’cause you sporadically love him.
Serena: He’s not your enemy. Earn the spotlight on your own merits. You’ll feel better.
Blair: I’ll call you later. Let Ben go.
Serena: Let Dan be.

Ben: Serena I’m actually here because I saw your brother Eric with Damien Delgaard. Who we both know is a drug dealer.
Serena: No. No, Eric hates Damien, and he doesn’t do drugs. So there must be some sort of explanation.

Ben: Serena, it’s a lot easier for me to start over without any reminders from my past.
Serena: Why? I saw you talking to Eric and it reminded me of what you were like at boarding school.
Ben: I’m not that person anymore.
Serena: Yes, you are.
Ben: You know why I’ve been avoiding you? Because I see that look in your eye and I know exactly what that means. But I don’t want to be with you. I didn’t reciprocate back then and I don’t now. I’m sorry.

Serena: I’m not heartbroken, I’m humiliated. I was falling for someone who wants nothing to do with me.

Panic Roommate

Serena: Want a berry?
Dan: Oh no thanks, I already had breakfast with my new roomie, Ben. What were you thinking?
Serena: That he deserves a second chance?
Dan: Oh to what? To drug you and leave you for dead in a motel room again?
Serena: That wasn’t Ben that was Juliet, and you know it.

Dan: Look, I understand that you feel badly about what happened and what Lily did, but you can’t forget that this guy spent the last six months out to get you.
Serena: Ben was a good guy before all this happened and if you kept an open mind you’d see that he still is, You’d see what I see.
Dan: Oh. Wow. You’re falling for him.
Serena: What?
Dan: You have feelings for this guy.
Serena: No! Not that it’s any of your business, it doesn’t matter how I feel or don’t feel about Ben. He’s made it perfectly clear he wants nothing to do with me. I haven’t even heard from him since the W party.

Ben: I can’t believe you remembered.
Serena: I remember everything you’ve read to me. In case you haven’t noticed I don’t really let go of things so easily.

Ben: Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been… how I’ve been. I just spent the last three years blaming you for where I thought you put me.
Serena: And now here you are, somewhere else that I put you. Is that a problem?
Ben: No, actually. I’m beginning to think I’m supposed to be here.

Blair: Bad boys have never really been your thing, but damaged outsiders are a definite weakness.
Serena: What do you mean?
Blair: He’s from a different social class. Your mother hates him. He hates your mother. He’s living in a loft in Dumbo.
Serena: I knew Ben before I ever met Dan.
Blair: Not my point.
Just ask yourself this: is it Ben or the idea of him?

Serena: I don’t understand. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would Ben just come and hit you unprovoked.
Damien: Guy’s obviously got some serious anger issues.
Serena: And his parole officer just happened to be here? Come on.
Dan: No, I called him.
Serena: Because you knew that he’d hit Damien?
Dan: Because I knew he was a danger to you, to me. To anyone he came into contact with. I tried to tell you all this but you wouldn’t listen to me.
Serena: Because I don’t believe it. And I don’t believe you.

Serena: I know you didn’t do anything.

Ben: You haven’t slept?
Serena: I couldn’t. Not until I knew you were safe. Last night at the party when everyone else doubted you I never did. Not for a second. And I never will.
Ben: What about your family? What if us being together drives them all away?
Serena: I don’t think it will but that’s a risk I’m willing to take if you are.

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It-Girl Happened One Night

Serena: Please don’t tell me you’re leaving already. Between classes at Columbia, your job at W, the only proof that I have you still exist is the faint trace of Chanel in the morning.

Blair: And what about you and Ben? It must be very special for him spending Valentine’s Day with someone other than his cellie.
Serena: We decided to sit it out too. We just started dating. It’s too much pressure. Hey, why don’t you and I have a Friends Valentine’s Day? Manis, macaroons, massages?
Blair: Sounds amazing, I’ll let you know. But if the two-year plan wins out, will you be okay?
Serena: I’ll be fine.

Blair: How well do you know Reina Thorpe?
Serena: Um, not at all.
Blair: Do you know where she is right now?
Serena: I’m guessing you do.
Blair: At your house.
Serena: Where my mother lives. No way, we’re still at war.

Serena: Blair has to follow a socialite around on Valentine’s Day. It’s for work. She figured you wouldn’t mind since everything with Reina is… you know.
Chuck: “I know,” what?
Serena: Oh. Blair was wrong. You do have feelings for Reina.
Chuck: I do. I have something spectacular planned for tomorrow night.

Serena: I’m so happy we’re sidestepping Valentine’s Day.
Ben: Are you sure? It’s not very romantic.
Serena: Speak for yourself. I have a hot date with my Blu-Ray player.

Serena: So you sound pretty excited about tomorrow. LIke maybe it’s not just another night of hanging out with Chuck, business-as-usual.
Reina: I guess that’s true. At first it was purely for the sex.
Serena: That’s Chuck.
Reina: No, I meant me. Chuck was just trying to get me to help him with my father.
Serena: Was? But now?
Reina: Things have gotten kind of serious. I want to find an amazing dress and totally take his breath away.

Serena: Blair still has feelings for Chuck so… if she follows you around on Valentine’s Day she’s gonna be hurt. And if she finds out I ever told you this, I’m gonna be hurt.
Reina: I hope my best friend would do the same for me. Your secret’s safe.

Serena: Thank you for saving me from a Valentine’s Day even more depressing than the movie about it I was going to watch. Can we please have friend time after it though?
Blair: I think it’ll be too late.

Serena: Blair. I can’t believe you ambushed me. And why? For a leg up at work? Is your career really more important than our friendship.
Blair: Obviously you don’t think my career is important at all, since you forced Reina to back out just so you didn’t have to be alone on Valentine’s Day.
Serena: That’s not why I did it. I had a good reason.
Blair: You can’t stand that I’m getting successful while you’re flailing around with fifteen hours of class and an ex-con.

Serena: That’s not true. I couldn’t be more proud of your job at W. I wanted to protect you from seeing Chuck and Reina together on Valentine’s Day.
Blair: For the last time, he’s using her. It’s not real. It’s just business. How come no one believes me?
Serena: Blair—
Blair: Look, you know what? I’m going to go get him so he can tell you himself.

Blair: Well. They’re not Richart, but they’re all I could find at this hour. I was going to leave them on your pillow.
Serena: Blair, please. It’s been a long night. I’m tired.
Blair: You were right. Chuck and Reina are real. Were real anyway. I know chocolates from [?] won’t make it any better, but I’m so sorry.
Serena: Well maybe I made the wrong decision in going to Reina first. But I was worried about your heart, not your job. I knew that you’d bounce back stronger than ever at W.

Serena: You gonna be okay alone?
Blair: Not yet. But I need to start learning to be. Go have fun with your parolee. {she gets a text}
Serena: Maybe it’s a secret Valentine.

Ben: Thanks for coming. I should have told you I was waitering. I should have owned it.
Serena: Well I should have given you a chance and not put words in your mouth.

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While You Weren’t Sleeping

Serena: Sorry if we kept you up last night. We were playing Scrabble.
Ben: She fell asleep to avoid losing.
Dan: Since when do you enjoy Scrabble?

Serena: I should get going too. I agreed to a détente with my mom so I could help plan Eric’s eighteenth birthday party. And I can’t show up in yesterday’s clothes.
Ben: Well, tell him I say congratulations, and to be careful now that he’s old enough to be tried as an adult.
Serena: Actually I was hoping maybe you could come to the party and tell him yourself?
Ben: I’m not going to your mother’s, Serena. I’m not eating her food or drinking her wine or smiling and pretending that everything’s okay.
Serena: I know, I don’t forgive her either, I just—
Ben: We’ll hang out when you’re done.

Serena: Okay, I try not to meddle in Dorota’s duties, but don’t you think you’re taking it a bit too far?
Blair: Marie Antoinette, Scarlett O’Hara. I’m going to be following in the footsteps of other powerful women who did not have the time to zip.
Serena: Or maybe you’re just delusional from lack of sleep. Your light hasn’t been off for nights.
Blair: Great leaders only need three hours. Mine just happen to be non-consecutive.

Serena: It’s hard to find the time with Dan always there and you here and… you know, there’s been a lot of build-up.
Blair: A three-year stint in the big house? I’d say so.
Serena: Obviously good friend time has expired.

Serena: Don’t even try to tell me you’re on an emergency ibuprofen run.
Eric: I’m not sick.

Eric: Damien’s got his big coke shipment coming in today from Europe. It’s arriving at the flower market in the fertilizer packs of a hundred pink tulips. And since his dad has people watching his every move, he’s making me be his drug mule.
Serena: What? Why would you do that? What does he have on you?
Eric: On me, nothing. But he knows that mom forged the affidavit about Ben.
Serena: You told him? Eric, you know what would happen if that ever comes out.
Eric: Mom could go to prison. I’m aware.

Ben: You can’t risk anyone else’s future to protect hers. The right thing to do here is nothing. Then the worst that happens is Lily pays for what she did. At least no one else will.
Serena: Ben, she’s my mother.
Ben: Who created this whole situation on her own.

Serena: These are purple.
Eric: Ugh. And… planty.
Dan: Why are you guys so interested in tulips?
Serena: Well at least no one will get arrested.

Serena: I’m not okay with what she did either, but it doesn’t mean that I want to destroy her.
Ben: You choose Lily?
Serena: You chose for me, by turning to ice every time I mention her name. I’m sorry. I have to go help my brother now.

Damien: That’s Delgaard. Two a’s after the g.
Serena: Why are you doing this?
Damien: Angry cokeheads.

Lily: I’m relieved you’re not going to overdose. But you should have come to me with this.
Eric: I just, I didn’t want to worry you. I wanted to fix my mistake.
Lily: The only mistake was mine. When I forged Serena’s signature.
Serena: Wow. That’s the first time you’ve admitted it was wrong.
Lily: Well it seemed right at the time, but I know it wasn’t. And as much as I appreciate you both trying to protect me, I can’t allow anyone else to pay for what I did.

Serena: Did anyone else see Vanessa or am I having ether flashbacks?
Eric: It’s probably the latter. Although I did notice Blair wearing two different shoes.

Serena: I can’t believe you did that for her.
Ben: I didn’t. I did it for you.

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Empire of the Son

Serena: Because I need your help. Ben hasn’t been returning any of my calls since we… spent the night together. And it was amazing but it can’t be a coincidence that he’s suddenly avoiding me.
Blair: Well did you tell him you thought it was amazing?
Serena: Well I think I made it pretty clear.
Blair: He is a guy. You should march over there and make sure he knows. And take a juice with you for the road.
Serena: Thank you. B, you really do seem good.

Cynthia: What’s she doing here?
Ben: Serena, this is my mother. Cynthia.
Serena: Hey, Mrs. Sharpe. I’m Serena. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Cynthia: I wish I could say the same.

Serena: So you didn’t tell her about us.
Ben: No.
Serena: Why not?

Ben: I’m sorry. I should have given you a heads up. She got here a few days ago. That’s why I haven’t been able to return your calls.
Serena: And here I thought I was being paranoid.

Serena: You were able to win over my family and my friends. I just want the same chance.

Serena: Most people’s favorite pizza in Manhattan is John’s, but I’ve always been partial to Joe’s—
Cynthia: I’m lactose-intolerant.

Ben: After all this time you still don’t trust me? What do I need to do that I haven’t done already?
Serena: Be honest with me.
Ben: I have!
Serena: Okay. But what about Nate’s dad?
Ben: I had that done. Yeah. Do you know how many things I haven’t told you about my time in prison? things that I just want to forget?
Serena: Look, I know what you were going through. But to have someone attacked—
Ben: Do not tell me that you understand what I went through.

Ben: You ever have a dream that feels so real, when you wake up you just want to lie there with your eyes closed and hold on to it? I barely remember being a teacher at Knightley. Being with you, makes it feel real. Because you remember.
Serena: I do.
Ben: But maybe it’s time for me to open my eyes. Let it go.
Serena: You mean let me go.
Ben: I obviously have a lot to figure out.
Serena: Well that guy that I fell for at Knightley, you’re still him. And I can see that even if you can’t. I don’t know, maybe one day you will too.

Serena: Chuck, talk to me. My mom just turned herself in to protect you. Why’d you shut down the party?
Chuck: There’s nothing to celebrate.

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The Kids Stay in the Picture

Serena: Aren’t you coming over for brunch?
Chuck: Lily thought it would be complicated enough without me.
Serena: What, my grandmother, my step-father, my father—who was last seen fleeing from the police. Complicated is an understatement.
Chuck: How are things with William?
Serena: Well if I cut everyone out of my life who made a mistake I wouldn’t have anyone left.
Chuck: On the topic of mistakes, do you know what one I might have made to cause Blair to cut me off?
Serena: You didn’t talk to her after your party?
Chuck: She wouldn’t let me in her room. When she said she didn’t want to talk to me, I didn’t think she meant “ever again.” She’s not seeing someone, is she?
Serena: No, not unless you count Dorota. She hasn’t left her bed in a week.
Chuck: She’s [pulling a Camille]. But why?
Serena: I think her “powerful woman” path hit a roadblock, and you know how important that is to her.

Serena: Okay, well I’m not letting you go home until you spend a day with me. Let me show you this world and you can decide for yourself what you think of it. We’ll start with Barney’s and then work our way back to InterMix.

Charlotte: Serena. Look I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye, but as much fun as I had my mom is right. She sacrificed a lot to raise me the way she thought was best. I have to respect that.
Serena: Well she may not have sacrificed as much as you think.

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Petty in Pink

Charlie: Okay, so the idea is that we search the Gossip Girl archives for evidence of Dan and Blair sneaking around so you know for sure if Vanessa’s telling the truth.
Serena: That’s the basic idea.
Charlie: And… I’m sorry. I’m still new at this. How is that better than just asking them?
Serena: Well because if Vanessa is lying and it isn’t true, then I’m a horrible friend for believing her. But if it is true then they’re horrible friends for not telling me.

Charlie: Dan’s standing outside of some restaurant called Veselka. But he’s definitely acting weird.
Serena: Veselka. And guilty weird or hungry weird? The man loves his pierogies.
Charlie: You know, I’m not very good at this. Maybe you should just come down here and see for yourself.
Serena: See, I can’t. That’s the double-edged sword of Gossip Girl. I’d be spotted.

Serena: Look who it is. Blair and…
Blair: Serena?
Serena: Louis.

Blair: It was so romantic. My Vivier arrived with a note from Louis. Usually I’d make him wait a standard 48 hours before going on a date but I make exceptions for royalty.
Serena: And you bring royalty to Veselka.
Blair: Oh believe me, I’d rather be at Petrossian. But he’s here in secret so he has to keep a low profile and what’s lower than this? Look Serena, you can’t say anything. To anyone. As much as I’d love to tell the world, this must remain a secret for now.
Serena: I won’t say a word. But I do expect a full report.
Blair: Of course. It’ll start like this: “Once upon a time—”
Serena: —a girl kept her date waiting too long.” Go go go!

Serena: Blair wasn’t with Dan. She was with a guy named Louis Grimaldi. They met in Paris last summer.
Charlie: But I saw Dan go in.
Serena: You’ve met so many people in such a short amount of time. Anyone would get confused.
Charlie: I remember him. I’m telling you, it was Dan.

Serena: What about It’s a Wonderful Life? That’ll cheer mom up.
Eric: No. No. She’s in a dark place. She has to work out her issues with The Godfather. Or Taxi Driver.
Rufus: What about Intolerance? That pretty much sums up the situation.

Rufus: You know I might live on the Upper East Side, but I have no pull here. Now if the Pink Party was at CBGB’s—
Serena: I hate to break it to you, but CBGB’s is a clothing store now.

Rufus: I want the party moved more than anyone, but it’s not worth resorting to blackmail.
Serena: Yeah. You’re probably right. So. Psycho or Silence of the Lambs?
Rufus: Alright, make the call.

Charlotte: And what do we do when they get here? It’s not like they’re going to be holding hands in front of everyone.
Serena: Oh the thrill of a secret affair is the sneaking around. Trust me, they won’t be able to resist slipping away for a moment together.
Charlotte: And when we see them slip away?
Serena: You follow them. Record what you see and send it to Gossip Girl. Their secret ends tonight.

Penelope: Maybe Serena knows who Blair’s secret boyfriend is.
Serena: No, but the curiosity is killing me.
Blair: Okay. I’ll tell you. {to the minions} Not you. Scatter. Twenty paces minimum. No overhears. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they find out it’s the prince. {to Charlie} You are not to breathe a word of this. Normally you’d have to sign a non-disclosure agreement. I’m only grandfathering you in because of Serena.
Charlie: That him right over there? Don’t understand why you guys are ignoring each other.
Blair: That’s because you’re from Florida.
Serena: Oh. Hey. It’s Dan.
Charlie: With a really nice tie too.

Dan: Serena, that video wasn’t real. I mean we did kiss, but it was staged.
Serena: Okay, even if I did believe you what about the other time you kissed? Was that for Louis too?
Blair: Ah. It meant nothing. It was like kissing my brother. If I had one. Like kissing your brother. It just made me realize that I want to be with Chuck.
Serena: I don’t understand. How did you end up in a kiss in the first place? Any kiss?
Dan: We both were alone over Christmas break.
Blair: And we ran into each other at the movies.
Dan: And then it kept happening after the break, only we started making plans to meet.
Blair: And even worse. Enjoying it!
Serena: But you guys are my two closest friends. Why couldn’t you just tell me that?
Dan: I was hoping it would go away.
Blair: I was humiliated. Which is why we kissed.

Serena: So you guys have been lying to me and sneaking around for months so you could hang out as friends?
Blair: Exactly. Friends.
Dan: Yeah, I swear. Just friends.
Serena: Well I’m really glad you two found each other because you sure lost me.

Blair: I’m really sorry, S. I guess I was in denial. I didn’t want to admit that I’d begun to understand the Humphrey appeal.
Serena: The only appeal Dan ever had to you was that he was mine.
Blair: You would see it that way. Because it’s always about you, isn’t it? I’m sorry to break it to you but Dan and I have a real connection. We did things like visit the Dia and debate Chabrol versus Rohmer. Things that we could never do with you.
Serena: Yeah, I’m sure you and Dan had a really deep connection. That is until a prince came along.
Blair: Of course. Because that would be an even bigger threat to you.
Serena: What’s that supposed to mean?
Blair: You prefer when you’re the one in the spotlight. But it’s my turn now. You can have a taste of what it’s like to be in my shadow for once. Now if you’ll excuse me, my prince awaits.

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The Princesses and the Frog

Louis: Hey. Serena.
Blair: I thought you were sleeping at your mother’s house.
Serena: I did. And as it’s two o’clock I started my day several hours ago.

Blair: If you’ll excuse me, there’s a tart in my room I’d rather attend to.
Serena: Blair, this fight between us has gotten out of hand so why don’t I be the mature one and admit that I may have overreacted about you and Dan.
Blair: Really?
Serena: Yes. So let’s just put this all behind us so we can gush about Louis already.
Blair: Oh. Yes! Because all this elation was nearly meaningless without being able to talk to you about it.

Eric: I recognize that happiness. You sound like Jenny after she found out that one of her minions got a date with a []. Next day, said minion found gum in her hair. What’s going on with you and Blair?
Serena: I may have let Louis’ mother know about him and Blair. But somehow it worked out to her favor. Apparently Louis needs to get married and Blair’s weaseling her way onto a throne of her own unless I stop it.
Eric: Serena, she’s your best friend. I know she crossed sacred territory when she kissed Dan but destroying this for her seems kinda cruel.
Serena: Oh come on. We both know if I kissed Chuck I wouldn’t even be able to be having this conversation right now. And I’m doing Louis a favor anyway. His future is on the line here and Blair is just playing princess.
Eric: So this is all for the benefit of the good people of the principality of Monaco? Come on. Acting like Blair never works for anybody except Blair. And besides, Blair has so many skeletons I highly doubt Louis’ mother is going to find her an acceptable princess-in-training.
Serena: Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I have to go.
Eric: She says sneakily. Oh. Looks like B’s in for some hair gum of her own.

Blair: Louis is incredible. With him by my side I can actually be a powerful woman. Forget running Anne Archibald’s charity. I’m going to be negotiating peace in the Sudan.
Serena: You really are happy, aren’t you?
Blair: Which is why tonight has to go perfectly. Will you come with me?
Serena: Tonight? Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Blair: Yay! You’re the best friend a girl could have. And just think, one day soon maybe you’ll be my maid-of-honor too.
Serena: I would be honored.

Blair: I’m completely up to speed on my competition. I’m in it to win it. Going big or going home.
Serena: Relax, B. You don’t need sports metaphors. You’ve been preparing for this your entire life. Now come on. Let’s go out there and show those people what a real princess looks like. Because in this town you are royalty.

Serena: Chuck, what are you doing here?
Chuck: I need to see Blair.
Serena: You’re drunk. Just go home, please. I beg of you, don’t ruin this for her.
Chuck: There’s something she needs to hear. It’s important.

Blair: Stop this. You’re embarrassing me.
Chuck: What? It’s not me who’s disrespecting these fine people, it’s you! Pretending you’re going to marry this French phony. It’s a joke.
Serena: Chuck, no one’s laughing. Don’t do this.

Blair: In all my years of public humiliation—which, let’s face it, are many—that was the absolute worst.
Serena: Well maybe Louis will come around.
Blair: Perhaps. But his mother never will. And who can blame her. I should have known my past with Chuck would come back to haunt me.
Serena: You’re probably going to hate me for saying this, but as drunk and inappropriate as Chuck was, I still felt a little bad for him.
Blair: What? Why?
Serena: I don’t know. I guess I just always thought your prince was here. With his empire in Manhattan.
Blair: Wait. After what you witnessed tonight you’re taking his side?
Serena: No, he—
Blair: And don’t think I don’t know it was you who sent Princess Sophie that scrapbook from Gossip Girl. I assumed it was payback for Dan, but maybe you were defending Chuck too.
Serena: Blair, I feel awful.
Blair: Louis made me happy. Happy. Do you know the last time I felt joy? Chuck had brought me into his darkness for so long I had forgotten what that felt like. And with all your Dan issues, it’s obvious you think your romantic fate was sealed in the eleventh grade but I’m growing up. I wanted something different. I wanted Louis.

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Shattered Bass

Serena: Really? You’re trying me again? Does that seem like it’s going to work?
Vanessa: You answered.
Serena: You’re right. My bad.
Vanessa: Wait, I know you don’t like me but can you at least acknowledge that everything I told you was true?
Serena: Your point?
Vanessa: You didn’t need to have your cousin make me look like a crazy, jealous bitch to Dan.
Serena: Oh you don’t need any help with that.
Vanessa: She said I manipulated her to ruin Rufus’ business dinner. You’re telling me that innocent cousin Charlie came up with that by herself?
Serena: I’m saying you probably did whatever she said you did. If Charlie’s fighting back, good for her. She’s learning.

Eleanor: Serena! Did Lily get those dresses that I sent over? You know, the maxi ones from last year’s collection?
Serena: I’m on my way to spend the day with her so I’ll ask.
Eleanor: And be back in time for the engagement party I hope.
Blair: Or not. I’d actually like to be engaged when it’s over.
Serena: Blair I’m sorry I sent those blasts to Louis’ mother. But everything worked out great. So can we just enjoy it and move on, please?
Blair: Like much else in your life, that apology was underwhelming.

Charlie: I can’t believe how amazing these parties look.
Serena: Oh, that’s the Constance-St. Jude’s fundraiser. It’s a shame we’re missing it this year since my mom can’t go.
Charlie: Actually. Dan invited me.
Serena: Oh, that’s great.
Charlie: Are you sure? You said that you weren’t seeing him and I can call right now and cancel if you want.
Serena: Don’t be ridiculous. Dan and I are barely even talking.
Charlie: Um… I’ve never been to a black tie affair before. If only I had something to wear. Your mom’s been super-generous, but I can’t put a dress like that on her black card.
Serena: Wait, what about your trust fund? You’re over eighteen. Why haven’t you gotten it yet?
Charlie: Maybe Grandma and my mom’s issues are worse than we thought.
Serena: No, I bet that that’s not it. My mom and Cece have basically gone Celebrity Rehab on one another and she’s never held it against me and Eric.

Rufus: Don’t you have Blair’s engagement toast? I know you both have your issues.
Serena: I can’t force Blair to want me there.
Rufus: But, come on, it’s Blair. She might have trouble saying it most of the time, she loves you as much as she loves anybody. Of course she wants you there.

Charlie: This is terrible. I can’t even decide how to wear my hair. Do your feet hurt after wearing heels all night? And does Dan dance? Do you prefer lipstick or lip gloss?
Serena: Okay. Breathe. Lipstick lasts longer but gloss is more fun. Dan does love to dance but he’s terrible at it—so no laughing. And your feet won’t hurt as long as you have just the right amount of champagne.

Dan: There are a million gold dresses.
Serena: Yeah but there’s only one with a Pamela Dennis label… cut out. Take it off.
Dan: This is obviously a misunderstanding.
Serena: Why are you defending her? You are not leaving here in that.
Charlie: If you didn’t want me to go to the party with Dan you didn’t have to humiliate me.
Serena: Okay, Charlie, this has nothing to do with Dan.
Dan: Good. Then you won’t mind if we leave together. Now.

Serena: Thanks for coming.
Vanessa: I couldn’t resist finding out what you think we have in common. But unless it includes an apology I’m not staying.
Serena: You accused me of getting Charlie to turn Dan against you. Well she just did the same thing to me.
Vanessa: You think Blair’s behind it? I mean Dan’s a good kisser, but that good?
Serena: It’s Waldorf-level scheming, but Blair’s in love with her prince. This was all Charlie.

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The Wrong Goodbye

Serena: Well at least now we know why Charlie’s been acting so unbalanced.
Vanessa: Yeah. Because she is. We need to find Dan before something happens to him.
Serena: And we need to find Charlie before something happens to her. You know this isn’t her fault. She needs help. The last time that this happened she ended up wandering through the snow in her bare feet.
Vanessa: Yeah. After she Single White Female’d her college roommate.
Serena: Rufus said the girl’s boyfriend led her on.
Vanessa: Fine. She’s in your dress with your ex. But if you’re so concerned about Charlie you find her and I’ll find Dan.

Serena: You know maybe I should be the one to tell Dan what’s going on. At least he considers me a friend, which is more than you can say right now.
Vanessa: And who’s fault is that?
Serena: Yours.

Dan: We have to come up with a new plan.
Georgina: Oh! The Badger. The Melon Drop. The Spanish Prisoner.
Serena: Divide and Conquer. She could be anywhere.

Serena: Have you seen Charlie?
Georgina: Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t.
Serena: This is serious. Every second you don’t tell me where she went is critical. Look, what if your kid was in trouble in seventeen years and needed help?
Georgina: If Milo isn’t in trouble in seventeen years then I have done something wrong.

Serena: Charlie, what are you doing? Please come down from there.
Charlie: I heard you talk to Dan and Vanessa about me. You think I’m crazy. Everyone does!
Serena: No we don’t, we think you have a condition that can be helped. If you come down we can talk about it. I’ll get Dan if you want.
Charlie: Dan doesn’t like me. That’s why I stole your dress. I’ll never be like you. You’re Serena van der Woodsen.
Serena: That doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Serena: All night I’ve realized… I didn’t choose college. I never chose between Dan and Nate. I didn’t even choose paris last year. Blair told me I was going. Trust me, I know what it feels like when you’re not making your own decisions.

Three weeks later…

Blair: Are you sure you want to be all by yourself the whole summer? I know a palace with an empty room. Or fifty.
Serena: Being alone is just what I need. No boys, no bars, just a bottle of sun block and a dozen of the best beach reads. I needed to make a choice and I choose me.

Serena: Have you picked a date yet?
Blair: We’re thinking November.
Serena: Well that doesn’t give me nearly enough time to find a dress to outshine yours. And you know I’ll be wearing white, of course.
Blair: What are you talking about? I already told Louis’ seamstresses to make you a maid-of-honor dress in the brightest fuchsia they could find.

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