Season One
Gee: Frank Pembleton.
Frank Pembleton (Andre Braugher): Oh hello, Gee.
Gee: This is a homicide office. What’d you do, get lost?
Pembleton: I hear you’ve become a Yenta.
Pembleton: Look Gee, a partner is the last thing I need, the way I work.
Gee: Maybe the way you work is why you need a partner.
Beau Felton: This must be a mistake. Am I actually going on a call with Frank Pembleton?
Pembleton: You’re right. It’s a mistake.
Beau Felton: Frank Pembleton only handles the big investigations. This is just some dead guy.
Pembleton: See what happens when I come into the office.
Beau Felton: Imagine handling a routine call with Frank Pembleton.
Pembleton: I’m slumming.
Gee: I thought I put you with the new guy.
Howard: Pembleton’s with the new guy.
Gee: Is there a reason why I can’t control my own men?
Howard: It’s better to be feared then loved?
Bayliss: Why do you think that this kid would be riding around in Berger’s white T-Bird when that was the easiest way to link him to the murder?
Pembleton: I don’t know, because crime makes you stupid.
Bayliss: Can I quote you on that?
Pembleton: What do you observe about the suspect, Detective?
Bayliss: Ah, let’s see. Approximately five ten, one fifty. He’s got, ah, scratches on his left chee—
Pembleton: No no no. The suspect is asleep.
Bayliss: Oh yeah. He’s been in the room for four hours.
Pembleton: Rule number four: a guilty man left in the box alone falls asleep.
Are there any other rules?
Pembleton: Yeah. Uncooperative. Too cooperative. Talks too much, talks too little. Blinks, stares, gets his story straight, messes his story up. There are no rules. It’s an expression.
Bayliss: So are you going to interrogate him?
Pembleton: Interrogate him?
Bayliss: Yeah, yeah. I’m just saying. You know, not a partner thing but when you interrogate him I’d like to sit in.
Pembleton: Then what you will be privileged to witness will not be an interrogation, but an act of salesmanship. As silver-tongued and thieving as ever moved used cars, Florida swamp land, or Bibles. But what I am selling is a long prison term to a client who has no genuine use for the product. {he heads for the box}
Bayliss: I guess that’s a yes.
Pembleton: You got anything you want to add, Bayliss?
Bayliss: Face of an angel.
Frank Pembleton (Andre Braugher): Pardon me, my good lieutenant, but where indeed is all this extra help supposed to go?
Gee: This is a red-ball, Frank. First few hours, everyone wants credit. We have to make sure that they’re around to take the blame.
Pembleton: Bayliss, Bayliss, Bayliss. We’re here about death. Not life.
Beau Felton (Daniel Baldwin): Adena gets home from school at 3pm on Tuesday. She’s out of the house by 3:30. Adena tells her mom she’s heading to the library, which is four blocks away. So why does she need 45 minutes to get there?
Crosetti: I’ll tell you why. Because she stops next door. She stops to get her girlfriend to go with her to the library, but her mother nixes the idea. So she stays at the girlfriend’s house for like a half hour and then Adena goes to the library. That brings her there right on schedule.
Howard: Walks into the library, grabs a couple of books, checks ’em out. Walks into the daytime [?]
Pembleton: And disappears.
Munch: She was murdered and moved. That’s a gimme.
Bolander: Whoever grabbed her, was probably from the neighborhood. He got her off the street in midday. That means he knew her.
Pembleton about the Araber: I already checked him out. He’s nothing.
Bayliss: Well now Mrs. Watson told me that she had Adena stop working for this guy after school because this guy was getting a little too friendly with her daughter.
Pembleton: Would you believe me on this one, Bayliss. He’s harmless.
Bayliss: He’s got a record that goes back ten years. Assault, disorderly.
Season Two
Pembleton reading note in dead woman’s hand: Oh! Ed did it.
Police Woman: He did, did he?
Frank Pembleton (Andre Braugher): That’s what the note said. “Ed did it.”
Season Three
Pembleton: You’re not Catholic and you took communion?
Bayliss: Yeah. Is that wrong?
Pembleton: If my god wins, you’re screwed.
Pembleton: Son, I don’t usually find myself giving advice. Especially to fourteen-year-old killers. But please listen to me just this one time. Keep your ass to the wall, and don’t trust anybody, don’t help anybody, don’t ask anybody for anything.
Pembleton: We’re not engaged. So don’t act like I left you at the altar.
Pembleton: You know, sometimes you’re funny. Then there’s now.
Season Four
Kellerman: You know, he shouldn’t leave a department vehicle running like that.
Lewis: Yeah. Could get stolen.
Kellerman: Lieutenant said take the first car in.
Lewis: We shouldn’t.
Kellerman: You’re right.
Lewis: Grand theft auto, baby.
Pembleton: You sons of bitches!
Bayliss: If your husband was sentenced to death, why would you kill yourself and then orphan your son?
Pembleton: Well Tim, you’re the primary in this quickly deepening quagmire. I’ll leave that question for you to answer.
Bayliss: Thanks. I hope you get polyps.
Gee: He refused counsel.
Bayliss: Yeah.
Gee: Did he give a reason?
Pembleton: He says he’s not guilty of anything.
Gee: Everyone’s guilty of something. I want a confession.
Pembleton: You can’t treat the Bill of Rights like a roll of Charmin.
Pembleton: Sounds to me like someone’s trying to bully African Americans into a fight.
Col. Alexander Rausch (JK Simmons): There’s a thought.
Pembleton: Hm. Be an interesting fight.
Col. Rausch: You have a cancer, you cut it out. And make no mistake, these people are tumors. They will drag us down with them. And they will kill us. They have no sense of right and wrong. Of good and evil. And I do. You sleep safer at night because of me. And you don’t even know it. […]
Pembleton: This is what’s gonna happen. From this moment on, you belong to me. I’m gonna put you on display. You and I will be on prime time and the front page for months and months and months. And you’re gonna tell everyone exactly what it is you stand for, so that others can see how much they like you. Even if they don’t know it. Yet. And I’m not gonna stop until your execution. You will not make me a martyr, because I’m a Black American. You will be my martyr. For the truth.
Col. Rausch: I guess I do need a lawyer.
Pembleton: Oh yeah.
Claire Kincaid (Jill Hennessy): This is a court order allowing me to take Rausch back to New York.
Pembleton: Where’s the punchline on this?
Col. Rausch: You have no appreciation for what I’ve done? Not even on an intellectual level?
Pembleton to the officers: Clear the hallways. Check IDs.
Col. Rausch: Keeping liberty from becoming a euphemism at liberal cocktail parties takes sacrifice.
Pembleton: I’d also like to request a 4-hour suicide watch.
Col. Rausch: Because let me tell you something, my serious friend, the power of the vote is a romantic anachronism.
Pembleton: No sir. You are.
Lewis: Hey, look. It’s Mr. Sunshine!
Everyone: Frankie!
Pembleton: Oh, no no no. I’m tired of being the only one around here who gives a damn. You’re looking at the new Frank Pembleton. Budding Republican and practicing selfish bastard. Savior of no one but himself. {to the bartender} Shot of Gold Natty Bo. This is the new me.
Russert: Careful, Frank. You know some day you’re going to run for mayor and rue those words.
Kincaid: The doctors check Rausch?
Pembleton: Yeah, he’s fine. And in his cell where he will be staying.
Kincaid: If you win.
Pembleton: No, I’m sure of it. I bribed the judge. I told her Bayliss would have sex with her for a favorable ruling.
Kincaid: You two-timing pig.
Bayliss: Well, she was naked underneath those black robes.
Tim Bayliss (Kyle Secor): Half a sandwich with Kellerman’s name on it.
Lewis: Take it. He won’t be in until Monday. He’s best man at his cousin’s wedding up in Wisconsin.
Frank Pembleton (Andre Braugher): Ah, trust Kellerman to have relatives in the Dairy State.
Pembleton: You wanna know where Rodzinski’s gonna go? Into the ground like everyone else.
Russert: Thus speaks the Catholic.
Bayliss: What is wrong with a grilled cheese sandwich?
Pembleton: It’s so… you know. So white boy.
Bayliss: White boy?
Pembleton: American cheese? White bread? You know what I’m saying? It’s a non-statement.
Pembleton: It was a grilled cheese. Get a grip.
Bayliss: It wasn’t the sandwich, partner.
Bayliss: Apologies accepted. {Pembleton nods}
Bayliss: You never say please. You never say thank you.
Pembleton: Please don’t be an idiot. Thank you.
Gee: Your smoking is driving me crazy.
Pembleton: Really.
Gee: You know that.
Gee: You’ve been yelling a lot lately. At the drop of a hat you start yelling.
Pembleton: Why would I yell at someone about his hat.
Pembleton: The Browns belong in Cleveland. The Colts belong in Baltimore. Football teams should stay in the towns they’re from.
Pembleton: The job does suck the life out of you.
Bayliss: Yeah, that’s not the only thing.
Bayliss: Those other guys are like a family. I have never ever felt that in Homicide. We are the best, the elite. But we are not a family.
Pembleton: Yes we are. But we’re like a real family. Opinionated… argumentative. Holding grudges. Challenging each other. We challenge each other to be better than we are. That kind of thing doesn’t happen at barbecues… ball games. It happens at the job where it’s supposed to. On a case. Putting down a murder. The work itself is the most important thing. What we do is important. We speak for those who can no longer speak for themselves. And you’re not gonna ever find anything like that anywhere. Not in Vice and not patrolling the grounds at Disneyland.
Pembleton: So. You gonna leave?
Bayliss: No. Not until I close the Lambert case.
Pembleton: I don’t remember being a child.
Bayliss: Of course not, Frank. ‘Cause when you were born you were already thirty-five years old.
Pembleton: Mrs. Prager, you’ve lived in this neighborhood a long time. Can you think of anybody that would do something like this?
Mrs. Prager: Yes I can. Too many.
Bayliss: Frank you get her in The Box and you find out what she knows.
Pembleton: I only have one question to ask her: What were you doing running out of the alley. She says, I don’t know what you’re talking about. She’s right. I don’t know what I’m talking about.
Bayliss: So you ask your question, Frank. So what?
Pembleton: Look, you bring someone in The Box with no ammunition, it just toughens them up. You get nothing, they walk away confident and if they do know anything it makes it that much harder to get it out of them the second time around,
Bayliss: You think this is the mistake we made with the Araber, right?
Pembleton: Maybe.
Munch: Anything I can do to help?
Pembleton: Yeah how about a little luck?
Munch: I’ll get back to you on that.
Carver Dooley (Chris Rock): Why are you yelling at me!
Pembleton: What’s the matter, Carver, don’t you like to be yelled at?
Pembleton: I have my share of open cases.
Bayliss: It was my first case. He beat me. The killer beat me. The Araber, Dooley, or whoever he is, he beat me. I hadn’t even started being a homicide detective yet, and I had lost. Don’t you see, Frank? I let myself care about that case and for what? I put everything that I had into that and it wasn’t enough.
Bayliss: This has nothing to do with me! This is about, it’s about Adena. It’s about, it’s about avenging Adena’s death.
Pembleton: No. It’s all about you. It’s always been all about you. Do you think I don’t know you?
Gee: Everybody’s got something that keeps them awake at night. When you can’t tell the difference between nightmares and what’s real, that’s when you’re no good to yourself or anyone else.
Pembleton: I didn’t avenge Adena Watson’s death. Now I never will. I let her down, Gee. I’ll never know who killed her.
Gee: You’re going to have to make your peace with that.
Pembleton: You’ve been victimized by the lunch bandit.
Kellerman: The Lunch Bandit?
Bayliss: Yeah, this started happening what? Two years ago.
Pembleton: Yeah, it’s still an open case.
Bayliss: Yeah, I’ve always suspected Lewis because he’s always got things in his mouth.
Pembleton to the NSA agent: Don’t touch that door. That’s my door. {she shuts the door} Now you’re pissing me off. You and I, we’re never gonna be friends.
Bayliss: If something does happen to me, I want you to go right after their asses.
Pembleton: Is this before or after I buy the house in St. [?]?
Laumer: So if it’s determined that Edward Clifford was murdered I’m your only suspect.
Pembleton: Yep.
Laumer: Do you have to take me in now?
Pembleton: We should but frankly I feel nauseated by this friend of yours from the agency.
Laumer: This woman I’m telling you is no friend. I’ve never heard of her.
Gee: You know I asked Russert to make a few calls down to DC for me, and an hour later Buster Simmons walks in and wants to make a confession.
Pembleton: A little too convenient, Gee.
Gee: Come on, Frank. It’s a new age. The world’s becoming a perfect place.
Sgt. Sally Rogers (Kristin Rohde): Meet the late Mr. Douglas Wrobel. And the equally late Mrs. Mary Rose Tabori.
Both dead from gunshot wounds to the chest.
Pembleton: Anybody else?
Rogers: The manager, in the back.
Pembleton: He got shot in the back?
Rogers: No, he’s sitting in the back.
Pembleton: Is it me or is everyone talking in code today?
Bayliss: No no. It’s you.
Lewis: Hey Frank. How’s the new kid?
Pembleton: Great great. How’s the new wife?
Lewis: Great.
Pembleton: Great.
Gee: Go home and enjoy that precious baby girl of yours. That’s a direct order, Frank.
Bayliss: Can I come?
Pembleton: Come where?
Bayliss: To see the baby.
Pembleton: You’ve seen the baby already.
Bayliss: I know, but I love babies.
Pembleton: Then have one of your own.
Mary Pembleton (Ami Babson): Don’t hedge, Doctor. I need to know the truth. Will Frank recover.
Dr. Eli Devilbiss (Sean Whitesell): The truth is, I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.
Season Five
Pembleton: You and I, we have nothing in common.
Kellerman: What are you talking about? We’re both stuck here in the squadroom, we’re both pissed off about it. I’d say we have something in common.
Pembleton: You are accused of a crime. Not me. You.
Kellerman: So I’m like a class below you, is that what you’re saying?
Pembleton: By the way, Kellerman. You’re okay by me.
Bayliss: I’m a detective, Frank. I’m a keen observer of the human condition. I pick up on the subtlest clues, I react to the slightest suggestion. In short, I deduct.
Pembleton: Who told you?
Tim Bayliss: Brodie.
Pembleton: It’s too quiet in here. The only thing dead are the phones.
Munch: It’s New Years Eve, Frank. When that ball drops the bodies will start dropping.
Back Page News: LIfe and Homicide on the Mean Streets of Baltimore
Pembleton: Wait wait wait. That doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense. What does life and homicide have to do with each other?
Brodie: I wanted to juxtapose life and death. You know, the yin and the yang. Homicide is so negative.
Pembleton: Yes it is. It doesn’t get much more negative than homicide.
Pembleton: Shame on you, Brodie. You are a sick and twisted soul.
Brodie: Not as twisted as Mr. Jackson.
Pembleton: Okay, we got multiple chest wounds, an open door… and a weapon halfway across the living room.
Cox: It’s going to be hell writing this one up as a suicide, I’ll tell you that much.
Pembleton: You know, sometimes you’re funny. Then there’s now.
Season Six
Pembleton: Where’s Brodie?
Munch: PBS aired his documentary. He won an Emmy.
Bayliss: An Emmy? They give those things to anybody.