Cyril: The man I hit. Is he getting better?
Ryan: Yeah, he’ll be fucking fine in about ten minutes. Now go to sleep, Cyril.
Murphy: So, what do you call a guy that eats his own flesh?
McManus: Inventive.
Guerra: Fuckin’ Alvarez. He’s got more lives than a cat.
Beecher: Chris, sometimes, most times, I wish I could wipe away the past. I wish I could wipe away everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said to hurt the people I love. I wish I could look at people and not see all the hurt they cause me, and maybe this is the way to start making that wish come true.
Keller: Are you listening to yourself, man? What are you, Tinkerbell? Wishing on a star?
Keller: You know what? Oz didn’t make you a bitch. You were born one.
Murphy: Beecher, we had a major incident here, all right? And now we’ve lost Tim McManus. Your boyfriend’s health ain’t a priority for me.
Hernandez: You know, I want to see Alvarez dead. I don’t know why, you know? It’s like one of those reflexes you get when they tap you on the knee and your leg shoots up.
after Beecher and Keller are reunited
Howell: That was such a touching moment, I’m gonna write about it in my diary.
Keller: Hey, man, they stab me, they shoot me, I ain’t going down.
Stanislofsky: You Americans think that just because you have democracy you’re better than everybody else. Elections are not what makes a country great.
Ryan: Yeah? And what does? Vodka?
Busmalis: Being free, even for a few hours, was so wonderful. I mean, I had no money, no overcoat. It was cold out there. But man, oh man, I was so happy. I stopped in the middle of the street and did a little dance. gets up and dances Of course, that’s when they caught me.
Beecher: Let me ask you something. What should I do if I ever find out who killed Gary?
Keller: You should whack him. I’ll help you.
Beecher: Yeah?
Keller: It’d be my pleasure.
McManus: Quiet night?
Andrea Phelan: If you count two fistfights and some anal penetration as quiet, yeah.
Howell: What the fuck you doing with a cigarette, Pancamo?
Pancamo: Smoking it?
Howell: Put it out now, or I’m coming in there.
Pancamo: Now her I’m afraid of.
Beecher: You gotta forgive me.
Keller: No.
Beecher: I forgave you.
Keller: Well I guess that makes you the better man.
Mondo Browne: Hey, Keller, man, I gotta ask you a question, man. You mind if I fuck your girlfriend Beecher? You mind if she sucks my cock?
Keller: I don’t give a fuck what you do or what he does.
Lawyer: I didn’t decree the system, Moses. I just wallow in it.
Keller: Hello Eli. You know, this room really isn’t that safe. I got stabbed here once myself.
Eli Zabitz: Fuck, Keller, no! Sees Robson. Oh, thank god. Get him!
James Robson: Schillinger wants you dead.
Zabitz: What? Fuck!
Keller: Robson, this is my kill.
Robson: Take a fucking walk, Keller.
Zabitz: Please don’t kill me! Please! collapses
Keller kicking the body: He’s dead.
Keller: Later.
Robson: Later.
Said: Don’t hate yourself.
Beecher: Why not? My son is dead because of me. My daughter’s a mess because of me. And Keller… Keller doesn’t love me. But I tried this new detergent, it really seems to get the whites clean.
Keller: My relationship with Beecher. It started with brutality, it’ll end in brutality.
Keller: Adebisi and Said, hand in hand.
Ryan: It’s the end of the fucking universe.
Ryan: Ah, trouble in paradise.
Keller: But not enough to be of any use to us. You know what we got here, O’Reily? A fandango. And we gotta do something about it.
Ryan: Hey, I don’t like being in the minority, but what can we do? Even these fucking Muslims are kowtowing to Adebisi.
Keller: Well, we could detonate a few well-placed depth charges.
Ryan: Whatever you need, K-boy.
Beecher: I didn’t kill Shemin.
Adebisi: Yeah, but you fucked him, though.
Beecher: Once. He was lousy. Browne slams Beecher’s head down So were you, Mondo. Browne slams his head again.
Keller: Well I see you fucking all these other guys.
Beecher: You said you didn’t care who I fucked.
Keller: Well I do. I do, okay?
Keller: You should take care of where you stick your dick. That baby is lethal.
Beecher: You know, I liked it better when we weren’t speaking.
Logan: All these incidents involved two other prisoners, Christopher Keller and Vernon Schillinger. Tell me about your relationship with them.
Beecher: We sing in the choir together.
Lisa Logan: Is there a lot of homosexual activity?
Keller: Well, by “homosexual” do you mean deep-rooted love of one man for another, or guys fucking guys in the ass?
Logan: Ass-fucking.
Keller: Shit happens.
Logan: Tobias Beecher.
Keller: What about him?
Logan: I don’t know, you tell me.
Keller: We sing in the choir together.
Busmalis: Do I look okay?
Rebadow: You look like you.
Busmalis: Oh shit.
Jack Eldridge: What do you do before lights out?
Cyril: Wait.
Eldridge: For what?
Cyril: The lights to go out.
Keller: Don’t you hurt Beecher.
Ryan: Don’t make any threats, K-Boy. It might put me in a bad fuckin’ mood.
Murphy: The fourth estate is gone.
McManus: Now, when you violate a rule, instead of sending you to the hole, we’re going to stick you inside that cage. In full view of your adoring public. Any questions?
Keller: Mr. McManus, sir, how big is your penis?
Keller: Wait a minute. You fucked Howell?
Ryan: Mm hm.
Keller: You don’t just drop a nugget like that without a few details, O’Reily.
playing chess
Keller: My esteem for you has risen 69 percent. But tell me, as one manipulative turd to another, now did you fuck Howell for the sex, or to get her to do some other kind of nasty?
Ryan: Just the sex. Check.
Robson: What’s the matter? Don’t think that’s funny?
Said: No. But you? You’re a joke.
Schillinger: Will somebody tell him we can take care of Said ourselves? We don’t need to sub-contract.
Keller: Beecher. That your little brother I saw you with in the visiting room? He’s cute. He fool around?
talking about Barlog
Beecher: He’s cute. Does he like to fool around?
Ronnie Barlog: So I guess I’m on the bottom?
Beecher: Unless you want to be on top.
Barlog: No, no. I’m good with the bottom.
Glynn: Don’t be snarky.
Robson: Hoyt, we agreed I’d do the talking. Let me do the fucking talking.
Beecher: Keller.
Keller: Oh, are we speaking? I thought we were trying to fuck with each other.
Fred Wicke: Other than the lice, I feel great. I’m thinking maybe I’m one of the five that got the placebo. suddenly falls face down on the table and dies.
Robson: Your kid was involved in all kinds of shit. Drug deals, pimping. So there’s any number of people who might want him dead.
Schillinger: This is you consoling me?
Beecher: Why are you doing this?
Keller: I would have thought that was fairly obvious.
Beecher: Yeah.
Beecher and Keller kiss.
Keller: I’ll see you.
Beecher: When?
Keller: Back here. Or in heaven.
Beecher: You really think we’re gonna get into heaven?
Keller: Ah… you and me together? God doesn’t have the balls to keep us out.
Rebadow about Beecher: He misses Keller.
Ryan: I don’t.
Edward Gallson: As long as we understand each other. Fucking faggots are ruining the military. “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” my ass.
Beecher: I agree. You know, I think the military should stay the way it’s always been—a bunch of redneck He Men who murder children and rape women.
Gallson: You making a joke of me?
Beecher: Seems like you’re doing a pretty good job all on your own.
Misc. C.O.: Robson, you looking for jerk-off time in the Hole?
Robson: Uh, no.
Misc. C.O.: Well then goose step your butt outta here.
Clayton Hughes: I hereby declare this the Republic of Huru!