Spellingg Bee
Shawn: Excuse me. You’re in my seat.
Juliet “Jules” O’Hara (Maggie Lawson): Am I?
Shawn: Actually yes, you are.
Juliet: Are you one of those weirdo compulsives who come to the same restaurant, sit in the same chair and eat the same food every day?
Shawn: Ah, no no. I was sitting right there three minutes ago and then I went outside to get myself a paper. I ordered juice. And look, I made a crawly snake with the straw wrapper. You can finish it if you think you’re up to the job.
Juliet: I’m sorry. Do you want me to move?
Shawn: Not anymore.
Shawn: Can I get a name work with?
Juliet: Juliet.
Juliet: Okay, do we know each other?
Shawn: Yes. You are the girl who stole my seat!
Chief Vick: Can’t he just tell us to arrest someone?
Juliet: He does this a lot?
Lassiter and Vick: Yes.
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece
Juliet: Is this your only lead?
Lassiter: His responses to my interrogation were hostile at best.
Juliet: Clarify hostile.
Lassiter: Use my tone now as a guide.
Shawn: Here. Let me read your palm.
Juliet: How about just one finger?
Juliet: You’re not going to shoot him, are you?
Lassiter: I haven’t decided.
Woman Seeking Dead Husband: Smokers Okay, No Pets
1989
Present Day
9 Lives
Juliet: That was amazing. How did you do that?
Lassiter: It was a lucky guess.
Shawn: Don’t you get tired of saying that?
Weekend Warriors
1986
Present Day
Who Ya Gonna Call?
Shawn: Okay, why have I been drawn here? Was there a murder? Do I need the little booties for the crime scene?
Lassiter: Thanks, but we’re doing just fine.
Juliet: Don’t go in the backroom. {she lifts the crime scene tape} My grandpa loved Pete Rose.
Lassiter: Do you not knock?
Juliet: There’s no door.
Shawn vs. the Red Phantom
Juliet: Okay, you have five seconds to— Actually, you know what? Stay right there.
Shawn: Indecisive. I like that.
Juliet: Hey. Any progress?
Shawn: I picked up Malone’s astral trail. That’s what it’s called. It leads to a hotel across from the convention center.
Juliet: At which point did you faint?
Lassiter: I did not faint. I was merely resting my eyes momentarily and fell slightly backwards.
Shawn: Hey, I don’t know if it makes a difference. I think you’re a hero.
Juliet: Chief, should you be up and walking?
Chief Vick: Walking? I’m coming into work tomorrow.
Shawn: Oh, don’t be ridiculous. You need to go home, with your child. Relax. Take a load off. Refresh yourself. January. I think January. Come back in January.
Forget Me Not
Juliet: What about Mike’s birth mother? Did he say if he found her?
Lassiter: No no. He didn’t say anything. He can’t. He’s a picture. On a piece of paper. And dead.
From the Earth to Starbucks
198
Present Day
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He’s Dead
Lorraine: This is a speed dating first! You and you are a one hundred percent match from your personality questionnaires. I smell love.
Juliet: I need a drink.
Shawn: I gotta pee.
Cloudy, Chance of Murder
Juliet: You know, Shawn, for a psychic, you are missing something right in front of your face. It’s too bad. You might actually learn something about Lassiter maybe you don’t want to.
Shawn: He waxes his back?
Juliet: I’m going to go now. Shawn, I don’t care what anyone else says. The pink shirt is working for you.
Gus: Okay, that was cryptic.
Shawn: Not really. I’ll be damned.
Game, Set… Muuurder?
Gus: What happened here?
Juliet: This isn’t a missing persons case anymore. It’s attempted murder.
Gus: Why does she get to say stuff like that?
Shawn: The raven crows only at midnight. Dusk is for the rooster’s cackle.
Juliet: What?
Shawn: Jules, that’s your cue to cackle.
Juliet: Shawn, I don’t have a cackle in my repertoire.
Shawn: Well you called for this secret meeting, we should use code speak in case people are listening.
Shawn: Look, without protection you might as well just send the killer an invitation saying, “Hey! Come on back, finish the job.” {pause} I wonder if they make invitations for that kind of thing.
Juliet: I don’t see why not. You can send an evite for anything.
Shawn: This is true.
Juliet: One more thing: roosters don’t cackle.
Shawn: I beg your pardon.
Juliet: They cock-a-doodle-doo.
Poker? I Barely Know Her
Juliet: I just thought it would be nice to surprise him.
Chief Vick: Oh… Detective Lassiter does not like surprises.
Juliet: Of course he likes surprises. Everyone likes surprises.
Chief Vick: Detective Lassiter has a very particular comfort zone. And you don’t even want to know what we now call the Secret Santa Debacle of 2005.
Mrs. Lassiter (Debra Mooney): Well then who the hell are you?
Juliet: I’m his partner.
Mrs. Lassiter: But… you’re a woman.
Juliet: Yes. Shocking, isn’t it.
Mrs. Lassiter: What are you, fulfilling a quota?
Scary Sherry: Bianca’s Toast
Juliet: Yesterday, I went and I had a Himalayan mani-pedi. Yeah, at first it was just to get the other girls to talk, but then I realized my cuticles have been completely taken for granted.
Shawn: Jules. You realize we’re the only ones who can see or hear you.
Juliet: I’m here but I’m not. Get it?
Shawn: Gus, what’s the word?
Gus: That would be “mum”.
Alice: How does it feel being pretty but damned?
Juliet: Alice, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.
Alice: Well just stay away from me. Fair warning.
Alice Bundy: That is it! Now you die for sure!
Juliet: I don’t think so.