1989
Henry: What are you doing?
Young Shawn: My book report.
Henry: Well how is that possible? Didn’t you just start this book like half an hour ago?
Young Shawn: Yeah. I read the flap and then the first chapter. Then I totally figured out the ending. So it’s cool.
Henry: Well how do you know that you’re right?
Young Shawn: Because you taught me how to draw conclusions.
Henry: Shawn, you know what you’re doing, don’t you?
Young Shawn: Yep. Banking a whole afternoon of video game time.
Henry: No. You’re operating on incomplete information. It’s sloppy. And one day you’re going to find yourself embarrassed by it.
Young Shawn: Dad, please. it’s pretty obvious to figure out what’s going to happen. Wilbur’s going to win the pig ribbon and he and Charlotte are going to live happily ever after.
Henry: Alright. I’ll tell you what. If you get an A on that report, I’m gonna take you to Disneyland. Good luck, kiddo.
Present Day
Henry: You’ve got to stop.
Shawn: I’ve made a pizza before. I know what I’m doing.
Henry: Shawn, you’ve got the wrong guy. He’s the only one in the world who couldn’t have possibly have done this. Did you even read the case file?
Shawn: Yeah, but it… Maybe the summary and part of the first sentence. Look, I don’t have time to read case files.
Henry: How can you rewrite history like that?
Gus: You’re talking to guy who wrote a term paper on President Mitchell.
Walter Snowden (Bruce Davison): Hello. Walter Snowden. I’d like to introduce myself and say very impressive work.
Shawn: Thanks Walt. Shawn Spencer. This is my partner—
Walter Snowden: Burton Guster. Or should I say, Gee Buttersnaps. Or Lavender Goomps. Or Clementine Woollysocks perhaps.
Shawn: Wow. This guy really is a fan.
Gus: Fan or a stalker. Gee Buttersnaps was said on a secure military base with no one else around.
Walter Snowden: Let’s just say I’ve been following your work for quite awhile now.
Snowden: This has nothing to do with any of his business ventures.
Gus: So what will we be doing?
Snowden: Preventing his assassination.
Shawn: Give me your watch, I’ll tell you exactly when you’re going to die.
Fred Collins Boyd (Miguel Ferrer): Thanks for the parlor tricks, but no.
Boyd: So a cell phone isn’t predictable enough but a poison is perfectly reliable. Is that what you’re saying?
Svetlana Progoyovic: I use skin contact. It’s as if I sneezed and then it’s, how do you say? Goodnight Charlie.
Shawn: Gus, how bad do you wish you were Charlie?
Gus: She is a killer, Shawn. She kills people.
Shawn: But how bad?
Gus: Real bad.
Gus: Over here, Shawn.
Shawn: Dude, this is kind of exciting. What’s behind there? {sees what’s behind there} It says Exit.
Gus: I know. We’re completely making fools of ourselves inside there, Shawn. We need to cut our loses and go home. This slump of yours is out of control.
Shawn: Look, I admit we’re having some early trouble, but that room is like kryptonite to my skills. It’s like neutralizing my weapons. I need to see things, I need to touch stuff.
Gus: Has it ever occurred to you that these are the exact kind of people that could figure out you’re not who you say you are?
Shawn: Come on, son!
Gus: Do not do Ed Lover me, Shawn.
Snowden: What are you calculating, Alan?
Alan Zenuk (Alex Zahara): Oh I’m figuring the odds of Mr. Spencer getting fired.
Ashton Bonaventure (Chris Sarandon): What is the meaning of this interruption?
Shawn: Mr. Bonaventure. I believe that you will be in grave danger. And I believe that there will be an attempt made on your life.
Bonaventure: And how do you know that?
Shawn: Because I’m a psychic. I’m also an inventor. It’s a pillow that combs your hair when you sleep.
Shawn: Chief, I really don’t see the point in getting upset over spilled milk.
Chief Vick: Why would I be upset? The most powerful businessman in the state is the target of an assassination and one of my people helped plan it.
Shawn: Actually it was two. Gus was there as well.
Gus: Why would you say that?
Shawn: I just thought it would help cushion the blow if we distribute the blame.
Gus: Cushion who?
Shawn: Me mostly.
Lassiter: So as I understand it, the suspect offered all of you eighty-five hundred dollars a day. With the exception of Mr. Boyd who got ninety-five hundred.
Shawn: Woah. How come you got more?
Gus: Yeah. He tells the future.
Boyd: All you told us is the plot to Die Hard 3.
Shawn: Yeah, and that isn’t difficult to ascertain?
Gus: Hand to the head. Not working.
Shawn: I know. That’s why I’ve been adding sound effects.
Shawn: I am here to say that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. It’s right.. Greed works. Greed for life, for money, for love. For flan.
Snowden: I thought you were an idiot.
Lassiter: Well we’ve all been there.