1986
Ms. Bodansky: Our next step is the primate habitat.
Young Shawn: Hear that, Trish. Monkeys. We’re going to visit your family.
Young Trish: Knock it off, Shawn.
Present Day
Shawn: Woah woah woah. Okay okay. If we’re gonna do the lip reading game we have to say things that are remotely believable.
Gus: I am.
Shawn: Abs like Bruce Lee?
Shawn: Murder.
Brett Connors (Kurtwood Smith): Yes.
Shawn: There was a murder.
Mr. Connors: Yes. Exactly. A murder. A 187. And I solved it! You bet your ass.
Gus: So what do you need us for?
Mr. Connors: Because, dammit, I can’t remember who’s been killed!
Trish Connors (Ashley Williams): Or who the killer was.
Mr. Connors: Look at you fellahs all grown up. How long’s it been?
Shawn: About a day.
Gus: Less, actually.
Shawn: Dad, this guy’s your friend. He came to me for help.
Henry: Shawn, leave him be. He doesn’t need your help to make him look like an old fool. He deserves better than that.
Trish: Amazing.
Gus: What?
Trish: The way that he’s sitting there so quiet. I mean in high school he was always so loud and needed attention constantly, and needed to be noticed. And he just would not shut up. He was so annoying, drove me nuts. But now. I mean look at him. So calm, so unobtrusive. The way he just let you step in and take over like that. I think he’s really matured.
Gus: Yeah. Yeah. He has.
Shawn: He was mauled by a mountain lion. You don’t find it the least bit coincidental?
Henry: Of course it’s coincidental, Shawn. But it doesn’t make it murder.
Shawn: No, it makes it an episode of When Animals Attack: Santa Barbara.
Shawn seeing the mountain lion: Simba! I am your father.
Gus: I don’t think Mufasa said that.
Shawn: Mufasa. Vader. I’m Not Rappaport. It’s all James Earl Jones.
Gus: I’m Not Rappaport was Ossie Davis.
Shawn: It still works.
Gus: What are you doing? We don’t know anything about delivering warthog babies.
Shawn: Ah, babies are babies. You just pull it out at the right time. The real question is: are you allergic to placenta?
Shawn: Mike’s body was found on this trail.
Gus: It’s closed. Now what?
Shawn: Just hold on, let me think a minute. Okay. I have a plan It’s a little crazy, but it might just work.
Gus: What? {Shawn steps over the low-hanging TRAIL CLOSED sign}
Shawn: Dude! We totally made it! We’re in!
Gus: Shawn, in case you’re confused, closed means go away. Stay out.
Shawn: Yes. In the negative language dictionary which is clearly the only version you own. But in the positive language edition, closed means “Come in. Step over the chain. There’s so many less people to trample all over what you’re looking for.”
Shawn: Gus you know what this means?
Gus: The murder didn’t happen here.
Shawn: Exactly. This cat was framed.
Ranger Desoto: I guess you guys can’t read. This area is closed.
Henry! Henry, tell them who I am!
Gus: I think he’s talking to you.
Shawn: Oh god. Please tell me I don’t look like my father.
Gus: You could be his twin.
Shawn: Look at the back of my head. Is my hair starting to thin at all?
Gus: We need a plan. I don’t think we can exactly just ring the buzzer and ask to peek into Mr. Crocker’s medicine cabinet.
Shawn: Why not? That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Why can’t we be from the State Board of Medicine Cabinet Inspectors?
Gus: I don’t know, Shawn. I know I’m right on this one. Let’s think this through.
Shawn: Oh Gus, come on. Let’s go in without a plan, flying by the seat of our pants. It’ll be so much more fun. Trust me.
Juliet: What about Mike’s birth mother? Did he say if he found her?
Lassiter: No no. He didn’t say anything. He can’t. He’s a picture. On a piece of paper. And dead.
Lassiter: He wouldn’t do anything stupid, would he?
Shawn: Define “stupid.”
Lassiter: Go after Crocker himself. {they all bolt after him}
Gus: You really want me to believe that you put your foot in your mouth deliberately? Please.