1978
Henry: Listen, Franks. You have the right now to get shot. Make the wrong move, you lose that right. Put down the bomb.
Present Day
Shawn: Sorry, Chief. I got roped into doing a silly interview with the Independent. They’ve been calling and begging for weeks and I finally relented.
Reporter: You called me.
Shawn: And you called me back. Which means we’re both right. The important thing is you got your cover story.
Reporter: Actually, it’s page 64.
Shawn: It really depends how you fold it, doesn’t it?
Shawn: Oh no.
Gus: What is it?
Shawn: It’s my dad’s biggest case.
Chief Vick: It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is in no way to participate in this investigation. He’s no longer on the force and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?
Shawn: Yes you do, Chief. What isn’t clear is why people always say “it goes without saying” yet still feel compelled to say the thing that’s supposed to do without saying. Doesn’t that bother you?
Chief Vick: No! And frankly I could care less.
Gus: Now that’s the one that bothers me. Why do peopel say, “I could care less” when they really mean “I couldn’t care less.”?
Chief Vick: You two realize I carry a gun. Right?
Gus: That was perfectly allocuted.
Shawn: How did you get in here?
Henry: The unlatched window, the unlocked back door, maybe this key that I made. You choose one.
Shawn: There is no way that I am showing you what’s in this folder.
Henry: You’re lucky I’m even asking you, Shawn. I could do this the simple way. I could grab it from you, clean up any evidence of a struggle before you or your little friend here knew what hit you.
Shawn: I think in some states that’s called child abuse.
Gus: I think all of them.
Henry: You know what? You go ahead and handle this half-assed like you do everything else. But you bear this in mind: this case is important to a lot of people who could have died if he had blown up our headquarters. And it should be important to their family members too.
Shawn: Do you have any idea how dangerous this is?
Henry: Why? I’m a tax-paying, voting citizen, therefore I have the right to speak to any elected official—such as the D.A.—I please.
Shawn: You don’t have to be a tax-paying voting citizen though, do you?
Assistant: May I help you?
Shawn: Yes. My name is Shawn Spencer. I am the head psychic for the Santa Barbara police department. And that is my partner—
Henry: Yeah yeah. That’s his partner Methuselah Honeysuckle. Which makes me Old Scratch Johnson.
Shawn: If you insist on staying involved in this case, then there are going to be rules. I was hired by the police department, therefore it is my ass on the line and those rules will be made by me. You are no longer a cop. And unless you plan on going back to the academy, and climbing the high wall and doing the obstacle course, where you shoot the bad guys, but not the old lady with the sack or the blind guy with the cane or the cute little squirrel with the bushy tail and big fat nut. {he trails off} It started off well.
Gus: It really fell apart at the end.
Shawn: Funny. It’s usually me who can’t show my face in public.
Gus: You know I’m afraid that being wrongfully convicted is the tragic way my story ends.
Gus: I feel ridiculous.
Henry: Speak for yourself. I’ve got this shirt at home. His mother used to love it.
Gus: Yeah, like thirty years ago.
Henry: Are you kidding, I wore it to lunch last week.
Gus: Nice going, Shawn. That was all our money.
Henry: That’s what happens when you send in the one guy who’s never bought a car before.
The car slides into a parking spot and the stumble out.
Shawn: If that had been on purpose that would have been totally cool.
Gus: I need to get that power steering fixed. Not to mention that seat is jammed all the way to the front Makes my entire left side fall asleep. {He walks away with a serious pimp walk}
Pookie (Ted Lange): Officer Spencer. Long time no see. What brings you gentlemen to my establishment?
Shawn: Well, Mr. Pookie. {Gus giggles} As you may have heard, a judge recently overturned the conviction on the Eugene Franks case.
Pookie: Maybe I heard, maybe I didn’t.
Shawn: Right. Well we’re looking for information on a few people that might used to run with old Eugene.
Pookie: Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Henry: Alright alright. I know how this works. Gus, get the other sock. Give him some money.
Henry: He had partners. My biggest bust and I was wrong.
Shawn: I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but instead of lording over him that this is our case, our rules, I think we have to convince him that we can’t solve this thing without him.
Gus: How do we do that?
Shawn: Most likely through the use of trickery.
Gus: So what do we do now?
Shawn: I don’t know. I’ve never cornered anyone before.
Gus is wielding the laser level
Shawn: Oo! They better hope they’re not uneven in there.
Gus: I’m gonna blind them with the laser, Shawn.
Derek Ford (Jere Burns): You sure your father doesn’t want to come inside?
Shawn: Oh, no no no. He’s clinically insane. And a biter.
Gus: Enough! I’m sick of you two fighting all the time. Listen, Mr. Spencer, Shanw needs you on the case because, frankly, you’re old. And we were barely even alive during the seventies. And Shawn, your dad needs you on the case because even though you can be extremely annoying you actually have a brilliant idea every now and then. But you’re both too damn stubborn to admit that you need each other. Now can we go please? Thank you.
Henry: Is he always such a know-it-all?
Shawn: You don’t know the half of it. Very preachy.
Shawn: Oo. Yeah. The field is strong. Oo! I am gettin’ it. And it is one bad mutha—
Gus: Shut yo mouth!
Shawn: I’m havin’ a vision.
Gus: I can dig it.
Shawn: That’s all I got. The jive’s over. We should go before people explode.
Lassiter: Spencer, I’d appreciate in the future if you just played with your own life.
Shawn: Oh come on, Lassie. If Derek hadn’t caved I would have just deactivated it myself. It’s very easy. you just clip the red wire and the green wire at the same time.
Juliet: Uh. Shawn, there is no green wire.
Shawn: Really? In that case we all would have died.
Henry: Interviews, press, hair. Those are your things.
Shawn: A little attention isn’t going to kill you, Dad.
Henry: One more thing.
Shawn: What?
Henry: Thank you.