1987
Young Gus: This head is to exact scale. It took me three months to make it. Yours took five minutes.
Young Shawn: No, Gus. You’re totally wrong. It took me a whole hour. Check this out. {his car-powered dinosaur takes off}
Young Gus: I hate you, Shawn.
Present Day
Shawn: Is there a problem?
Juliet: With what?
Shawn: With you. With me, With the chief. She hasn’t called in a month. Is she still mad about me requisitioning the Segue?
Juliet: You did that?
Shawn: No.
Shawn: What’s the long answer? I mean, through a but in there. And add something about a dream where you and I get thrown out of the mattress showroom.
Juliet: Detective Lassiter is literally on fire. What kind of fire are we talking about? Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial fire or misusing the word “literally” fire?
Lassiter: Come on, we’ll show you how real cops do it. {he leaves}
Juliet: No comeback? Shawn. That’s slightly embarrassing.
Chief Vick: Ah. Mr. Spencer. I’m surprised you didn’t take the Segue.
Shawn: She did know about that!
Chief Vick: O’Hara just told me.
Shawn: Traitor!
Chief Vick: Detective, if you don’t mind I’d like to see what Mr. Spencer has to offer.
Shawn: Alright, look. This is going to be a little rough, okay? I didn’t have time for shading. There was no forced perspective. If I really had my fruthers I’d have done it in charcoal. {to Gus} You know what I’m talking about. Look, what I’m trying to say is that I’m not the artist I used to be—
Shawn: This is not a boating accident!
Shawn: I can play Six Degrees of Dinosaur with you. Right now. You’ve never been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or a Dilophosaurus, have you?
Gus: How about you play Six Degrees of Kiss My Ass?
Shawn: First of all, that sounds like a totally disturbing game.
Shawn: You coming or what? {Gus spikes something squeaky at his head}. That’s clearly a no.
Chief Vick: Mr. Spencer, your antics have always been a little… let’s say, unorthodox. But let me be as frank as I can about my assessment of your most recent behavior: seek help.
Shawn: Okay. This is creepy. Why is Gus here?
Gus: What do you think, Shawn?
Shawn: He’s a hostage?
Doug Devette: Perhaps I can shed some light on that.
Shawn: Two hostages.
Shawn: Gus!
Gus: Don’t look at me. I’m here for the cupcakes.
Gus: I don’t think we can rule out the possibility of an island somewhere in the Pacific where dinosaurs do exist.
Shawn: And have an appetite for Jeff Goldblum.
Gus: I’m being serious, Shawn.
Shawn: Well look who’s Mr. On-board and sounding like a whacked wombat.
Shawn: What are you, the Lock Whisperer?
Juliet: That was amazing.
Lassiter: I’ll give you that one.
Shawn: Dude, I’m gonna get the leaf blower.
Gus: You brought a leaf blower?
Shawn: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Gus: I just discovered a dinosaur.
Gus: We’re pretty sure we just found a cold-blooded murderer and you want to go to his house and ask him about it?
Shawn: We can ask nicely.
Gus: No.
Shawn: Alright alright. We come up with a cover story. We’re Bible salesmen. No. Travelling gypsies. No no no! We’ll do Of Mice and Men. I’m Lenny.
Henry: Shawn!
Shawn: Dad, what are you doing here?
Henry: I was worried. About my tools.
Juliet: I’m getting a bad feeling about your streak.
Lassiter: You too, huh?
Henry: You still haven’t answered the question why he dug all the holes around the house, Shawn.
Shawn: Dad! That’s the finale. That’s why I don’t invite you to these things.
Juliet: Do you need a hug?
Lassiter: Oh, what do I look like! {he walks off… and back in} Okay, I’ll take the hug.