Blackboard Quotes

Season 1

I will not waste chalk

I will not skateboard in the halls

I will not burp in class

Season 2

I will not fake my way through life

Tar is not a plaything

Season 3

I will not squeak chalk

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher’s lounge

Season 4

I will not call the principal “spud head”.

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

Season 5

I will not say “Springfield” just to get applause

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

Season 6

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

I will not use abbrev.

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.

I will not send lard through the mail

I will not whittle hall passes out of soap

Adding “just kidding” doesn’t make it okay to insult the principal

“Bagman” is not a legitimate career choice

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

I will not strut around like I own the place

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

The first amendment does not cover burping

Season 7

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it

“Bewitched” does not promote Satanism

No one wants to hear from my armpits

I am not a lean mean spitting machine

I will only do this once a year

I am not certified to remove asbestos

Season 8

I am not licensed to do anything

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten

Season 9

I no longer want my MTV

I did not invent Irish dancing

Shooting paintballs is not an art form

Pain is not the cleanser

Season 10

I will not file frivolous lawsuits

No one cares what my definition of “is” is.

I will not scream for ice cream

My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld

Sherri does not “got back”

I will not do the Dirty Bird

No one wants to hear about my sciatica

Hillbillies are people too

Grammar is not a time of waste

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I have neither been there nor done that

I’m so very tired

Season 11

I cannot hire a substitute student

Season 12

I will not plant subliminal messagores

Season 13

The Giving Tree is not a chump

Season 14

Milhouse did not test cootie positive

This school does not need a “regime change”

Season 15

I do not have a cereal named after me

I will not speculate on how teacher used to be

Season 16

I do not have a cereal named after me

Beer in a milk carton is not milk

A booger is not a bookmark

Season 17

I am not smarter than the president

I will not flip the classroom upside down

Teacher was not dumped–it was mutual

Je ne parle pas français

Season 18

We are not all naked under our clothes

Frankincense is not a monster

Global warming did not eat my homework

Pearls are not oyster barf

Season 19

There is no such thing as an iPoddy

The pilgrims were not illegal aliens

The art teacher is fat, not pregnant

This punishment is not medieval

Season 20

“March Madness” is not an excuse for missing school

It’s “Facebook” not “Assbook”