Flesh and Blood
Colonel Emerson: Why would the first wave just leave us behind? They had to know there were survivors.
Mitchell: They need witnesses. Their goal is not to kill us all, it’s to convert us. Their wish is to go forth and tell everybody how they kicked our asses.
Carter hanging out in open space: I don’t know what you can see from your vantage point or what your sensors are picking up, but from out here that mothership is pretty badly damaged. I would be surprised if they were weapons capable.
Emerson: Thanks Sam.
Mitchell: They haven’t fired yet.
Carter: If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, it won’t work.
Mitchell: Hang on, Sam. We’re coming to get you.
Carter: Aw boy.
Mitchell: Hey, I’m all about a noble death. A pointless noble death on the other hand…
Bra’tac is attempting to fly the ship into the Ori
Mitchell: Teal’c, this is crazy and not the good kind of crazy. You know that.
Morpheus
Teal’c suddenly stops
Mitchell: What is it?
Teal’c: Birds.
Carter: What birds?
Teal’c: My point exactly.
Mitchell: Yeah, I was getting worked up, cussing at Teal’c, telling him to “go home. Leave me.” It must have been 20 minutes that I realized he had gone home and I was sittin’ there talking to myself.
The Pegasus Project
Vala: Funny, he doesn’t look excited.
Mitchell: Trust me. Like a kid who was up all night on Christmas Eve.
Vala: I thought we imposed a moratorium on cultural references I didn’t understand.
Mitchell: Let’s just take a moment. {they take a moment} Okay, moment’s over. Let’s go save the galaxy.
Mitchell: I gotta tell you, Sheppard, it’s a nice place you got here.
John Sheppard: Thanks. We just painted. Well, good luck. And listen, if McKay gives you a hard time just—
Mitchell: Shoot him.
Sheppard: Also, he’s mortally allergic to citrus.
Mitchell: Really?
Sheppard: I keep one with me at all times. Just a comfort to know it’s there.
Mitchell: It’s like my grandma used to say, “If at first you don’t succeed—”
Carter: Try a larger thermo-nuclear reaction?
Mitchell: Her words exactly.
Teal’c: Odyssey, this is Teal’c.
Mitchell: Teal’c, I thought we told you to get the hell out of there.
Teal’c: If I had done so I would be unable to inform you that the jump was successful. The Supergate is now active.
Mitchell: Are you serious?
Teal’c: There is more, Colonel Mitchell. I was able to keep the Stargate concealed until the last moment and lure the Ori vessel into the unstable vortex of the Supergate when the jump occurred.
Carter: You mean we just blew up an Ori ship?
McKay: By destroying a Wraith ship.
Teal’c: Indeed we did.
Insiders
Mitchell: Has he said anything?
Landry: Only that he won’t talk to anybody but SG-1.
Carter: Lucky us.
Landry: Franky I’m inclined to let him rot.
Mitchell: That’s all right, sir. We’ll talk to him. After all he did come all this way.
Teal’c: You are suggesting that Ba’al attempted to gain control of the council in order to gain acess to the Ancient device.
Vala: With the purpose of wiping out all life in the galaxy except his own little corner, of course.
Mitchell: That was Anubis’ plan.
Ba’al: I never said it was original.
Dr. Lee: We managed to activate the tracking system on the al’kesh and this is what we got.
Mitchell: Those are the Ba’als?
Dr. Lee: More like dots.
Landry: You don’t think you can control her?
Mitchell: Sir, I know I can’t control her, but that’s pretty much par for the course. Sir, Carter and I are the same rank, Teal’c’s an alien, Jackson’s a civilian. I learned a long time ago I don’t control anything.
Landry: Who does.
Mitchell: What the hell are you doing?
Vala: I alerted the Jaffa patrol to our presence.
Mitchell: Obviously. Do you mind if I ask why?
Vala: So they’d sound the alarm, and send reinforcements.
Mitchell sarcastically: Oh well that’s, that’s brilliant. Hey, how come I didn’t think of that?
Vala standing in the rings: My dear Colonel, where do you think the reinforcements will come from?
Mitchell: You know what? This is giving me a headache. What say we finish this up at home. {he grabs Ba’al} Let’s go, Spartacus.
Uninvited
Landry: Checkmate.
Mitchell: Yup. Too good for me, sir.
Landry: Pandering to the ego of a senior officer, Mitchell?
Mitchell: No. Truthfully I always hated the game. If you happen to have Playstation I will happily kick your ass at Socom 3.
Landry: I believe in you, Colonel.
Mitchell: Thank you sir.
Landry: But we’re getting our asses kicked.
Mitchell: Yes we are.
Landry: We’re not going to get medals for participation.
Mitchell: No sir.
Landry: We win or die.
Mitchell: I prefer winning.
Mitchell: Maybe I’m not the only one around here who needs to relax.
Landry: I’ll try not to shoot you before morning.
Mitchell: Thank you sir.
Mitchell: You’re a powerful Air Force General. You could requisition a chopper.
Landry: We don’t use helicopters for our own personal transportation.
Mitchell: Right sir.
Landry: Besides, I already checked. There wasn’t one available.
Landry: The last thing we need is for this place to turn into the O.K. Corral.
Mitchell: Or a vice presidential bird hunt.
Trust Minion: I know what a Goa’uld is.
Mitchell: Do you know you’re working for one? That’s who’s running the Trust these days.
Carter: Holy Hannah! Did you see that thing?
Colonel Reynolds: You think we scared it off now?
Mitchell: No, I think we pissed it off.
200
Counterstrike
Mitchell: “Winning shows strength. Winning without fighting shows true skill.”
Teal’c: You are a student of ancient strategies.
Mitchell: No, Landry said it to me. I think he was quoting Sun Tzu. Or it could have been Dr. Phil.
Mitchell to Teal’c: You don’t think that whoever’s flying this boat is on a friendly trip, do you? {silence} No, me neither.
Memento Mori
Three Weeks Earlier
Carter: A member of this facility gets kidnapped unchallenged. It’s no wonder he doesn’t think we can protect him.
Jackson: But we can protect him.
Carter: Yeah, by locking him away for the rest of his life.
Mitchell: What can you say. There’s a downside working for super villains.
Mitchell: Where are we going?
Vala: Just drive.
Mitchell: You know I’m bleeding here.
Vala: Shut up.
Vala: What are you doing?
Mitchell: Just checking to see if I still have both of my kidneys.
The team breaks down the motel door to find Mitchell handcuffed, half-naked and surrounded by junk food wrappers
Mitchell: This, ah, isn’t what it looks like.
Mitchell: What?
Carter: Nothing. I just think it’s funny how you’re always losing your pants.
Mitchell: I’m not always losing my pants. It’s happened twice.
Company of Thieves
Mitchell: Yep. She’s a real beauty.
Vala: Stabilizers are a bit wonky, I’m afraid. Makes for a bumpy ride. But it’s all perfectly safe.
Mitchell: Really?
Vala: Not exactly.
Jackson: We gave you as much raw naquadah as you needed and all you came up with was this piece of junk?
Vala: People’s lives are at stake, Daniel. Do you honestly think that I cheaped out on the ship and pocketed the difference? an alarm goes off
Mitchell: What’s that?
Vala: Life support seems to be failing. {to Teal’c}. Can you take over? She changes crystals and the alarm stops
Mitchell: Great, you fixed that. How about fixing the stabilizers?
Vala: I didn’t fix it. I just disabled that annoying alarm.
Tenat: Shield failure is imminent. Damn you, Cam Mitchell!
The Quest : Part One
Mitchell: Hey Jackson, what are you doing?
Jackson: Oh, just trying to figure out the location of Merlin’s weapon so we can find it in time to defeat the Ori, hopefully save our galaxy. You?
Mitchell: We’re going for Szechuan. Wanna come?
Villager: I should warn you. No one has ever returned from the quest alive. If you value your lives, you would do well to reconsider.
Mitchell: We appreciate that, but that is quitter talk.
Barmaid: Are you certain I cannot tempt you with a final meal?
Mitchell: What is it with this town and a no-can-do attitude? Every time we turn around someone’s trying to write us off or scare us away.
Barmaid: I apologize. I should have said, “A final meal before you set off on your journey.”
Mitchell: Well, that’s better.
Barmaid: Although it need be said that in the many thousands of years that adventurers have been seeking the Sangraal, not one has succeeded.
Villager: I should warn you. No one has ever returned from the quest alive. If you value your lives, you would do well to reconsider.
Mitchell: We appreciate that, but that is quitter talk.
Mitchell: Look, I know you have no reason to trust us anymore than you do those guys.
Barmaid: I have not seen you shoot anyone.
Mitchell: That’s an excellent point. We’re gonna need your help.
Mitchell: You should come with us.
Barmaid: My place is here. I’ll be fine. {Mitchell hesitates}. I’ll blame everything on you.
Mitchell: Good plan.
Carter: There’s a circuitous path of real time winding through the temporal field.
Mitchell: It’s a maze? It’s a maze.
Osrick: This is it! The cave entrance. The Sangraal is located within.
Mitchell: It’s too bad you won’t be coming with us.
Ba’al: I thought I made it clear: you need me.
Mitchell: I wasn’t talking to you.
Ba’al: Oh. Well, ah, allow me to get out of your line of fire.
The Quest : Part Two
Mitchell: Hey, you got anything?
Jackson: No. You?
Mitchell: No. But I’m getting a good tan.
Mitchell about the dragon’s name: So what are we supposed to do, just start guessing?
Vala: Darryl the Dragon.
Mitchell: How ’bout Smokey?
Teal’c: Perhaps Puff.
About the Sangraal
Mitchell: It’s the real thing this time, right?
Jackson: I don’t see why not.
It’s still a hologram
Carter: Oh come on!
Vala: Merlin’s gone.
Mitchell: Well that’s just … weird.
Line in the Sand
Mitchell: Listen up, folks. We’re gonna try a little disappearing act here. Please remember to keep your arms and legs inside the village at all times until we come to a complete and final stop. Blank stares work, too.
Teal’c: Colonel Mitchell, do you read?
Mitchell: Loud and clear, Teal’c. What’s up?
Teal’c: Our time.
Mitchell: Have you ever fired a gun before?
Matar: No.
Mitchell: All right. Blank stares aren’t gonna cut it this time.
Mitchell: Listen, I’ve been thinking—
Carter: Uh oh.
Carter: Cam. You have to face the fact that I’m going to die here.
Mitchell: No, I don’t have to face that fact because I’m not going to let that happen.
Mitchell: There is one thing that I do know is true. The mind is a powerful thing. No matter who or what you believe in, sometimes belief makes all the difference in the world. You just don’t give up. Tell yourself whatever you have to. Just believe you’re going to make it, Sam.
Mitchell: Score one for science.
The Road Not Taken
Carter: I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have come.
Mitchell: Oh no. You wanted to see it for yourself. The price of sticking up for your principals. Take a good look.
The Shroud
Jackson: Okay, this is not necessary.
Mitchell: No offense, but have you looked in the mirror lately?
Vala: Okay. Huh. This shouldn’t be too bad.
Mitchell: I don’t know. With me whenever there’s some assembly required, I inevitably find a part missing. A screw, a widget, what-have-you.
Mitchell: We may have made things worse right now. But in the long run it could be our only chance to win the war.
Bounty
Vala: I can’t wait to meet your parents.
Mitchell: Yeah, just don’t embarrass me.
Vala: I would never embarrass you.
Mitchell: I’ll be on the couch.
Vala: Your loss.
Landry: Sounds like you two are having a hell of a time.
Mitchell: Oh yeah. Me and Daisy, we’re livin’ large.
Amy Vandenberg: Where’s your date?
Mitchell: My date? Vala is over there plotting my death with Wally Valesko.
Mitchell: Wow. Big bad bounty hunter after little old me. I’m flattered.
Odai Ventrell (Mike Dopud): You’re just the bait.
Mitchell: She’s a nice girl. I like her.
Vala: Nice. She’s a cure for insomnia.
Bad Guys
Mitchell: If they found the Gate they most likely found the DHD.
Jackson: We didn’t.
Mitchell: Well they knew enough to build a pretty convincing replica.
Jackson: We can always dial the Gate manually.
Mitchell: Right. Kick it rotary-style. We still need a power source. What about the MALP?
Jackson: Nope.
Mitchell: Seaweed?
Jackson: Don’t go there.
Jackson: Once we start posing as kidnappers, there’s no turning back, and if we get captured, we are hooped.
Mitchell: Jackson. I hear what you’re saying. But I don’t think we have a choice.
Vala: There’s a seventy percent chance that if we dial manually we’ll be able to establish a connection and a fifty percent chance the bomb will just go off.
Mitchell: That’s a hundred and twenty percent.
Vala: Well there’s some crossover where establish a wormhole and blow us up.
Mitchell: Daniel, did you hear that?
Jackson: Yeah. A hundred percent chance we should have brought someone who knows what they’re doing.
Mitchell: We’re a peaceful people. But we do not take acts of aggression lying down. So you let us walk through that ring and when and how we meet again will be under your control. Prevent us from leaving and it won’t be.
Talion
Landry: I already issued a new memo to all teams to consider the investigation a top priority.
Mitchell: I don’t think a memo’s going to cut it as far as Teal’c’s concerned, sir.
Landry: I take it you tried to talk him out of leaving.
Mitchell: Yes sir. Like sticking my foot out to trip a freight train. I can’t say that I blame him, sir.
Landry: I don’t either. He’s here of his own free will. He can leave if he wants to.
Mitchell: So I was thinking, we could zat him, toss him in a holding cell until he comes to his senses.
Vala: I was thinking it’s not too late to go with him.
Jackson: I offered. He doesn’t want us to.
Vala: So what does this Arkad have to gain by attacking Earth.
Mitchell: Maybe he’s trying to up his street cred.
Mitchell: Teal’c, I know you’re out there buddy. If you can hear me, I don’t know what you think’s going on here but we’re here to help. {he’s suddenly fired upon} Okay! that was a lie!
Family Ties
Mitchell to Siler: They cancelled it? Really? I didn’t even know a new season had started.
Dominion
Mitchell: Do you not see what’s going on here?
Vala: No.
Mitchell: This is Adria, telling us where to go so she can pick us off.
Carter: She’s using you, Vala.
Vala: No. I would know.
Mitchell: Well you didn’t know before. Did you?
Mitchell to Adria: You didn’t really think we’d invite you to a party and not disable your funky power, did you?
Mitchell: Bigger question is, what does Ba’al want with Adria?
Teal’c: Perhaps he intends to negotiate for shared control of the galaxy.
Landry: She doesn’t strike me as the sharing type.
Mitchell: Either way, we do not want those two hanging out together.
Landry: How’s Vala?
Mitchell: Pissed.
Landry: Is somebody going to fill her in?
Mitchell: Absolutely. Just not us.
Landry: What do we do now?
Teal’c: Kill them both.
Mitchell: Hard to argue with that logic. It’s a two-fer.
Adria: So. Have you decided what you intend to do with me?
Mitchell: Well we’re still weighing our options. Teal’c here had a good idea.
Ba’al/Adria: I can imagine.
Teal’c: No. You cannot.
Adria: It takes a great deal of effort to suppress a consciousness this powerful. The Tok’ra don’t have the strength. Not to mention the fact that I’ll kill Adria the moment you try to remove me.
Mitchell: Well that’s great. We can live with that.
Adria: Perhaps. But remember, I am sharing Adria’s mind. You would lose all access to the knowledge I possess.
Mitchell: For example?
Adria: For one thing, I can confirm the Ori are dead. And that’s just the beginning.
Teal’c: At least we may take comfort in the knowledge that Ba’al is dead.
Mitchell: Wouldn’t put a deposit down on that.
Unending
Teal’c: This vessel does not have a pool.
Mitchell: I was talking about the gambling variety.
Thor: General, with your permission a number of Asgard are prepared to beam aboard immediately, to begin installing various technological upgrades to the ship.
Mitchell: I hope it’s rayguns. I’ve got rayguns in the pool.
Landry: What is you’re planning on giving us?
Thor: Everything we have.
Jackson: Why are you doing this? You always resisted in the past, you always said we weren’t ready.
Thor: Indeed. Many Asgard still believe that.
Mitchell: So what’s changed?
Thor: As a race, we are dying. Very soon we will all be gone.
Mitchell: I’ve said it before, I am for fighting to the death. But we need a plan. Preferably one that avoids the “to the death” part.
Mitchell: Are you saying it took two weeks to figure out this idea wouldn’t work?
Mitchell: Come on, sir. It’s like a bad joke. We have stranded ourselves here trying to save something we can’t use.
Landry: I’m not having this conversation again.
Mitchell: See what we need is, we need Superman to fly around the ship really really fast.
Carter: If you only knew how ridiculous that sounds.
Mitchell: It only sounds ridiculous until you hear yourself say, “I am trapped on a spaceship stuck in a time dilation field.”
Mitchell:This is not flying, this is standing still. This is the Love Boat without the buffet and the band. Besides I only liked flying so much because I didn’t know about the Stargate.
Mitchell: When I said that I wanted to get the team back together—work with you guys, learn from ya—I did not mean every waking moment for the next fifty years.
Jackson: You said that yesterday.
Mitchell: I did?
Teal’c: And the day before that.
Vala: And the day before that.
Mitchell: What are you, 130 now?
Vala: I don’t know. He doesn’t look a day over 122 to me.
Vala: Fifty or sixty years? Something interesting must have happened. Obviously I hooked up with someone. Was it you, Muscles? Can’t be Mitchell, can it? General Landry?
Harriman: Chevron Seven is locked.
Landry: Good luck, SG-1.
Mitchell: Just another everyday mission to save the galaxy, sir.
Everyone: Indeed.
Landry: God speed.