Small Victories
O’Neill: I’d be happy to debrief you all after I’ve debriefed myself for a nice hot shower.
Hammond: Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel.
O’Neill: Bad?
Jackson: I wasn’t going to say anything…
The Other Side
Hammond: Humanitarian concerns aside, we may have finally met an advanced civilization willing to exchange technology to help us defend against the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: My thoughts sir.
Hammond: I’ve already talked to the President and Joint Chiefs. If the Eurondian government is open to trade you’re authorized to negotiate.
Upgrades
Hammond: Colonel, I’m concerned that you aren’t in full control of your new abilities.
O’Neill: Well you might be right about that. It’s just so damn exciting, sir!
Hammond: I’m sure it is.
O’Neill: And even if we’re not in total control, shouldn’t we be out there doing the damage instead of in your office?
Hammond: I thought the devices were supposed to enhance them physically, not make them stupid.
Hammond: What happened?
O’Neill: The damn armbands fell off is what happened.
O’Neill: I’m sorry.
Carter: Me too.
Jackson: Me three.
Teal’c: I have no need to apologize.
Hammond: Teal’c was actually following orders.
O’Neill: Of course he was.
Crossroads
Gate technician: We’re receiving Bra’tac’s IDC, sir.
O’Neill: Bra’tac.
Hammond: Open the iris. Have Teal’c come to the Gate room.
Shaun’ac (Musetta Vander): I mean you no harm.
O’Neill: Bra’tac. You’ve done something with your hair.
O’Neill: I guess we should just mosey on back to Earth. Tell General Hammond how the Tok’ra boned us again.
Divide and Conquer
Anise: When her program is triggered she will inevitably become self-destructive.
Hammond: Let’s give Lieutenant Aster the choice.
O’Neill: Some choice.
Window of Opportunity
Hammond: You realize this is a little difficult to accept.
O’Neill: Hey, if it was just me I’d agree. But what about Teal’c? Come on, is this the face of a crazy man? … Bad example.
Carter: We could be reliving the same day over and over maybe thousands of times and we’d never know it.
Hammond: What can we do?
Carter: Unfortunately not much. The next time the loop starts we won’t even remember we had this conversation. It’s up to Teal’c and Colonel O’Neill.
Jack is about to hit a golf ball through the Stargate.
Hammond: Colonel O’Neill, what the hell are you doing?!
O’Neill: In the middle of my back swing?!
Watergate
Hammond: Apparently the Russians know quite a bit about the SGC.
O’Neill: How?
Hammond: They didn’t say. How they got it open isn’t the issue right now either. The problem is it won’t close.
Point of No Return
Martin Lloyd: You’re not dealing with an amateur. I know all about Roswell, and the Kennedy cover-ups, and the—
Hammond fast-forwarding: He goes on like that for a while.
Martin Lloyd: …and the CIA-sanctioned microwave harassment, and the—
Hammond fast-forwarding: Quite a while.
Martin Lloyd: …and the lizard people. {Jack smiles}. But the point is, none of these compare to your little secret, Colonel.
Tangent
Hammond: Is there a problem Colonel?
O’Neill: No sir. Not at all. I’m sure Teal’c just felt he’d take her for a spin. Around the world.
General Vidrine (Steven Williams): General Hammond has told me nothing but good things.
O’Neill: Has he sir? Well then I’m sure he’s left something out.
General Vidrine: Such as?
The Curse
O’Neill: Just so we’re clear on this, sir, it’s gonna be me, Teal’c and the great outdoors. That means no cell phones, no faxes, not another living soul for miles. We’ll be unavailable, inaccessible.
Hammond: Incommunicado.
O’Neill: Minnesota, sir.
Hammond: I stand corrected.
O’Neill: If there’s an emergency back at the base you better plan ahead and tell me now.
Hammond: Major, if what you’re saying is true and the second jar survived the trip unscathed—
Carter: Yes sir. There could be a Goa’uld in there.
The Serpent’s Venom
Carter: …The mine will think that Apophis’ ship is firing a weapon, move toward it, and explode.
Hammond: Sounds very risky.
O’Neill: Insane might be another word.
Chain Reaction
Carter: Sir, every time we go through the Stargate it’s a calculated risk.
Hammond: I realize that, Major. But frankly I’m getting tired of sending good people out there never knowing if they’re going to come back. I’ve had enough.
Jackson: I’m sorry, sir. What are you saying?
Hammond: I wanted you all to be the first to know. Effective immediately I’m stepping down as commander of the SGC.
O’Neill: Do you really think I’d believe you’re quitting because we ran into a little trouble out there? Hell, we’ve been presumed dead before.
Hammond: I don’t have to explain myself to you, Colonel.
O’Neill: No sir, you don’t. You’re my commanding officer. But could you throw me a bone?
Hammond: When I took over this command, the Stargate was inactive. This was supposed to be a quick and easy assignment on my way to retirement.
O’Neill: General, need I remind you that I was retired. Some things are worth changing your plans for.
O’Neill: Come on, General. I never met anyone who liked doing what they do more than you. And you were good at it. Great. You will never convince me you just got fed up. I’ll never buy that.
Hammond: I’m sorry, it’s out of my hands, Jack.
O’Neill: What does that mean?
Hammond: Can’t discuss it.
O’Neill: General.
Hammond: You don’t understand.
O’Neill: I won’t. Unless you explain it to me.
Hammond: Two weeks ago I was contacted by a representative in the NID. He suggested I should become more aggressive in my policies.
Hammond: He told me if I didn’t cooperate there would be consequences. The next day, two men in plain clothes, driving a black unmarked car picked up my granddaughters from school. They took them for a little ride and then brought them home. The girls were fine, but I got the message.
Hammond: Don’t get yourself into trouble over this, Jack.
O’Neill: You know me, sir.
O’Neill: General. About what you owe me.
Hammond: Anything I can do.
O’Neill: Well nothing right now. But one day I may ask you to buy back my soul.
2010
A note comes through the Stargate
Hammond: What is it?
Jackson: Well?
O’Neill: You tell me.
Jackson: “Under no circumstances go to P4C-970. Colonel Jack O’Neill.” That looks like your handwriting.
O’Neill: It is my handwriting. And it’s my signature.
Teal’c: Though you sent no such note?
O’Neill: Nope.
Fraiser: Sir, may I? {she takes the note} That looks like blood, sir.
Hammond: Have it analyzed.
O’Neill: General, wasn’t 970 on our mission list?
Hammond: It was. Not anymore. I’m not taking any chances.
I want P4C-970 removed from the dialing computer immediately. Dismissed.
Carter: I wonder why you sent it. I wonder when.
O’Neill: Yeah. Gotta wonder.
Absolute Power
O’Neill: General, I highly recommend you order all personnel to stand down and get the heck out of the way.
Hammond: Are you sure, Colonel?
O’Neill: The alternative might not be so great.
The Light
Jackson: You know it is beyond my comprehension how anybody like yourself who has so much power can miss the point entirely!
Hammond: This letter is to Lieutenant Barber’s family explaining that he died in the service of his country. I spent the last two hours on it. I can’t tell them anything about how he died or anything about the work he did here. Only that he’s gone. Do you get the point?
O’Neill: Yes sir. He does.
Hammond: Get him out of here.
O’Neill: We haven’t found anything yet, sir, but we’ve only been at it a few minutes.
Hammond: It’s been well over an hour, Colonel.
O’Neill: That can’t be.
Hammond: Jack, I have some bad news. All of SG-5 are dead.
Teal’c: What is the condition of Daniel Jackson?
Hammond: Dr. Fraiser’s doing everything she can, but I’m afraid he’s fallen into a deep coma. We don’t know how long he has.
Prodigy
O’Neill: General, I’d like to talk to you about this mission upon which we’re about to embark. It seems a bit ridiculous, doesn’t it?
Hammond: Have you met General Ryan?
General Ryan: Hello Colonel.
O’Neill: The General Ryan? Chief of Staff?
General Ryan: That’s right.
O’Neill to Hammond: Shouldn’t there have been a memo or something?
Entity
Hammond: Glad you could make it, Colonel.
O’Neill: Wouldn’t miss it, sir. This my favorite part.
Hammond: What’s it doing?
Carter: Flying, sir.
O’Neill: MALPs can’t fly.
Jackson: Apparently they can.
O’Neill: Shouldn’t there be a memo on this stuff?
O’Neill about Fraiser: Who put her in charge?
Hammond: The U.S. Air Force.
Teal’c: In medical matters Dr. Fraiser may overrule those of any rank.
O’Neill: I’m not getting all my memos.
Double Jeopardy
Gate Guy: Sir, we’re receiving a signal on the IDC frequency, but this is not an authorized SGC code.
Carter: It says “Comtraya.”
Hammond: What does it mean?
O’Neill: Ah… it’s kind of like Shalom or Aloha. that stuff.
Teal’c: It is the greeting used by the artificial lifeform Harlan on PX3-989.
Hammond: The one who duplicated you?
O’Neill: Yes… Sir, please don’t open the Gate. Please.
Carter: I admit he was annoying, but he wasn’t a serious thtreat.
Hammond: Open the iris! {Jack gives Carter a look}
Hammond: Colonel O’Neill, it was my understanding that the robots agreed to bury their Stargate and never leave their planet.
O’Neill: Yes sir.
Hammond: Then it would seem your robot counterpart is equally as good at following orders as you.
Exodus
Teal’c: Tanith was surprised to see us.
Jacob: We didn’t want to give him any warning.
O’Neill: He doesn’t suspect you’re on to him?
Jacob: Not that we know of. We’ll see soon enough.
Teal’c: Of what do you speak?
Jacob: Well, thanks to the mother ship you’re so graciously lending us—
O’Neill: It’s not me. Hammond. It was an order.
Jacob: Well anyway we’ll be ablr to move the Stargate to a planet not currently on the Goa’uld map. We’ll finally be able to ensure the security of a more permanent Tok’ra base. As useful as Tanith has been, relaying false information to Apophis, we can’t afford to take him with us.
Teal’c: What will become of him?
Jacob: We have a little surprise for you.