Children of the Gods
Major Samuels: Colonel Jack O’Neill?
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Retired.
Samuels: I’m Major Samuels.
O’Neill: Air Force?
Samuels: Yes sir. I’m the General’s executive officer.
O’Neill: Want a little piece of advice, Major. Get reass’d to NASA. That’s where all the action’s going to be. Out there.
Samuels: I’m under orders to bring you to General Hammond, sir.
O’Neill: Never heard of him.
Samuels: He replaced General West. He says it’s important. It has to do with the Stargate.
General George Hammond (Don S. Davis): You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?
O’Neill: I’ve thought about it. But then I’d have to shoot anyone that actually read it. pause. That’s a joke, sir.
General Hammond: Anyone you know, Colonel?
Doctor: They’re not human.
O’Neill: Ya think?
General Hammond: These people—aliens, whatever you want to call them—came through, killed four of my people and kidnapped another using advanced weapons.
O’Neill: Weapons, sir?
O’Neill: There were no creatures like this on Abydos. Those people were human. They were from Earth. Ra brought ’em there thousands of years ago.
General Hammond: I know all about that. But your report said this Ra was in fact some kind of alien that lived inside a human body.
O’Neill: Yeah, his eyes glowed. That was our first clue.
General Hammond: Are you sure he’s dead, Colonel?
O’Neill: Unless he could survive a tactical nuclear warhead blowing up in his face, positive. Why?
General Hammond: Colonel. These people, whatever they are, were guarding another man who retreated back through the Stargate. I got a good look at his eyes, Colonel. They glowed.
O’Neill: Was that—
General Hammond: Kawalsky and Feretti. Yes. They were under your command on the first Stargate mission. Tell me about Daniel Jackson, Colonel.
O’Neill: Why are they questioning my men?
General Hammond: They’re not your men anymore, Colonel. You’re retired. Daniel Jackson?
O’Neill: You read the report.
General Hammond: Yes.
O’Neill: It’s all there.
Samuels: Is it?
O’Neill: What’s this all about, General?
General Hammond: You didn’t like Daniel Jackson, did you?
O’Neill: Daniel was a scientist. He sneezed a lot. Basically he was a geek, sir.
Samuels: So you didn’t have a lot of time for him.
O’Neill: I didn’t say that. He also saved my life and found the way home for my men and me. A little thing like that kinda makes a person grow on you.
General Hammond: To the best of your knowledge, Daniel Jackson and everyone else you knew on Abydos is dead, correct?
O’Neill: That’s correct.
General Hammond: Good. Then you won’t mind if I authorize a go-ahead on our plan.
O’Neill: Obviously the Abydos Stargate had been buried in the rubble.
General Hammond: Well somehow it got unburied.
O’Neill: General Hammond. Sir. I regret to inform you that my report was not entirely accurate.
General Hammond: You didn’t detonate the bomb.
O’Neill: No, I did detonate the bomb, sir. And it was aboard Ra’s spacecraft so it did kill him and eliminate the risk to Earth.
General Hammond: We’ll send the bomb through on schedule.
O’Neill: General you can’t do that!
General Hammond: Oh I can’t?
O’Neill: There are innocent people on that planet.
General Hammond: There are innocent people here. I have my orders too, Colonel. I obey mine.
Major Charlie Kawalsky (Jay Acovone): Man, Colonel. You and me went through that entire mission together, I never even knew you had a son.
O’Neill: He died. Just before the Abydos mission.
General Hammond: We’ll have the prototype probe shipped from MIT.
O’Neill: General, we don’t need that probe.
Kawalsky: We don’t?
O’Neill: Nope. grabs the tissue box. This’ll do.
General Hammond: Care to explain this concept.
O’Neill: Jackson has allergies. He’ll know this came from me and not someone… with all due respect, sir, like yourself.
O’Neill: Oh, c’mon, Samuels. Let me be the cynic around here, okay?
O’Neill: Permission to take a team through the Stargate, sir.
General Hammond: Assuming I get the president’s authorization, the mission briefing will be at 0800 hours. Consider yourself recalled to active duty, Colonel.
O’Neill: Another scientist? General, please.
Carter: Theoretical astrophysicist.
O’Neill: Which means?
General Hammond: Which means she’s smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate.
Carter: Colonel, I was studying the gate technology for two years before Daniel Jackson made it work and before you both went through. I should have gone through then.
O’Neill: This has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I’ve just got a little problem with scientists.
Carter: Colonel, I logged over a hundred hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you? Or do we have to arm wrestle.
Carter: You know you really will like me when you get to know me.
O’Neill: Oh, I adore you already Captain.
Daniel Jackson: So this man who looked like Ra. He must have come through another gate.
Carter: What other gate?
O’Neill: A Stargate?
Carter: Stargate only goes here.
Daniel Jackson: You’re wrong about that.
Carter: I was there. We ran hundreds of permutations.
Daniel Jackson: But you didn’t have what you need.
O’Neill: Daniel, what are you talking about?
Daniel Jackson: I’ll show you.
Daniel Jackson: Jack, I think that this is a map of a vast network of Stargates. Stargates that are all over the galaxy.
Carter: I don’t think that can be, Doctor.
Jackson: Why not?
Carter: Well because after Colonel O’Neill and his team came back my team tried hundreds of symbol permutations using Earth as the point of origin and it never worked.
Jackson: Well I tried the same here and it didn’t work either. But I figured the destinations I tried were either destroyed or buried. But I mean some of them somewhere must still exist.
Carter: I don’t think so.
Jackson: Then where did your Ra look-a-like come from?
Carter: Colonel, Feretti needs medical attention now!
Jackson: Go! Help him. I can send you back.
O’Neill: You’re coming with us this time, Daniel. I’ve got orders.
Jackson: I don’t care about your orders, Colonel. My wife is out there. And so is Skaara.
O’Neill: And the only way we’re going to get them back is for you to come home with us! Feretti might have seen those coordinates
O’Neill about the iris: What the hell’s that, sir?
General Hammond: That’s our insurance against any more surprises. It’s pure titanium. Hopefully impenetrable.
O’Neill: Hey.
Jackson: They don’t know what to do with me. And I don’t know what to do with myself.
O’Neill: Come on. Let’s get out of here.
Jackson: This beer is going straight to my head. What time is it anyway? I must have gatelag or something.
O’Neill: Daniel, for crying out loud. You’ve had one beer. You’re a cheaper date than my wife was.
Jackson: Yes. When am I going to meet your wife?
O’Neill: Oh! Probably, ah, never. After I came back from Abydos the first time she’d already left.
Jackson: I’m sorry.
O’Neill: Yeah, so was I. I think in her heart she forgave me for what happened to our kid. Just in her heart she couldn’t forget.
Jackson: What about you?
O’Neill: I’m the opposite. I’ll never forgive myself. But sometimes I can forget. Sometimes.
General Hammond: Colonel, what do we know about these hostiles we didn’t yesterday?
O’Neill: Not a hell of a lot, General. The Abydon boys who survived the attack on the base camp thought it was Ra.
General Hammond: I thought he was dead, gentlemen. Which is it?
Jackson: Oh he’s dead. He’s definitely dead. I mean, uh, the bomb… I mean he’s gotta be dead, right?
General Hammond: Then who’s coming through the Stargate?
Jackson: Gods.
General Hammond: What?
Jackson: Not as in, God God. Ra played a god—the sun god. He borrowed the religion and culture of ancient Egyptians he brought through the gate and then he used it to enslave them. See, he wanted the people of Abydos to believe he was the only one.
Carter: So you’re saying Ra’s not the last of his race after all.
Kawalsky: Maybe he’s got a brother Ray.
O’Neill: That’s what we need.
Jackson: Wait a minute. The legend goes, Ra’s race was dying. He survived by taking over the body of his human host, an Egyptian boy. But who’s to say more of his kind couldn’t do the same thing. I mean this could happen anytime anywhere there’s a gate. This could be happening right now.
General Hammond: Colonel, you’ve had the most experience in fighting this hostile. Assuming you have to defend yourself in the field, are you up to it?
O’Neill: We beat ’em once.
General Hammond: I’ll take that as a “maybe”. Captain Carter, you’re confident that the stargate will take us where we want to go with this new information?
Carter: Well they’re feeding the revised coordinates into the targeting computer right now. It’ll take time to calculate but it should spit out two to three destinations a month.
General Hammond: People, let’s not fool ourselves here. This thing is both vast and dangerous and we are so far over our heads we can barely see daylight. We would all be much better off if the stargate had been left in the ground.
Carter: With respect sir, we can’t bury our heads in the sand. I mean think of how much we could learn. Think of what we could bring back.
General Hammond: What you could bring back is precisely what I’m afraid of, Captain. However the President of the United States happens to agree with you. In the event your theories pan out he has order the formation of nine teams whose duties will be to perform reconnaissance, determine threats, and if possible to make peaceful contact with the peoples of these worlds. Now these teams will operate on a covert top secret basis. No one will know of their existence except the President and the Joint Chiefs. Colonel O’Neill.
O’Neill: Sir.
General Hammond: Your team will be designated SG-1. The team will consist of yourself, Captain Carter—
Jackson: And me.
General Hammond: Dr. Jackson, we need you to work as a consultant with the other SG teams from here. Your expertise in ancient cultures and languages are far too valuable—
Jackson: No. Um, look, I mean I know this is your decision but I just, I— I really have to be on their team. My wife is out there, General. I need to go.
General Hammond: I’ll take that under consideration. Major Kawalsky, you will head SG-2.
Kawalsky: I will?
General Hammond: Colonel O’Neill keeps telling me it’s about time you had a command.
O’Neill: I had a moment of weakness.
O’Neill: Hold down the fort.
Kawalsky: Pick me up a t-shirt.
O’Neill: The man does not change.
O’Neill: Ow!
Teal’c: What is this?
O’Neill: It’s a watch.
Teal’c: This is not Goa’uld technology. Where are you from?
O’Neill: Earth. Chicago, if you want to be specific—
Teal’c: Your words mean nothing. Where are you from?
Jackson: Uh. excuse me. he draws the Earth symbol This is where we’re from.
O’Neill: I can save these people! Help me! Help me.
Teal’c: Many have said that. But you are the first I believe could do it!
O’Neill: Hey! C’mon.
Teal’c: I have nowhere to go.
O’Neill: For this you can stay at my place. Let’s go!
General Hammond: What’s he doing here?
O’Neill: General Hammond, this is Teal’c. He helped us.
General Hammond: Do you know what he is?
O’Neill: Yes sir, I do. He’s the man who saved our lives. And if you’ll accept my recommendation he’ll join SG-1.
The Enemy Within
Teal’c: Am I a prisoner?
O’Neill: Uh… yeah.
Teal’c: I understand.
O’Neill: We’re not exactly living up to your expectations of us, are we?
O’Neill: Permission to barge in, Sir?
Martin Kennedy (Alan Rachins): These slaves, where do they come from?
Teal’c: There is a tale of a primitive world the Goa’uld discovered Millennia ago. The Tau’ri. First world where forms of this type evolved. It is said the Goa’uld harvested among the primitives. Some became Goa’uld hosts, others became Jaffa. The rest were taken as slaves and seeded among the stars to serve them. That world has been lost for centuries.
Kennedy: Teal’c, beings of this form evolved here on Earth.
Teal’c: This world—
O’Neill: —is the world you’re talking about. Ra came here. If our ancestors hadn’t rebelled and buried the Stargate—
Teal’c: You would have not become strong enough to challenge them.
Kennedy: Then the galaxy is populated by the ancient peoples of Earth.
Hammond: There could be millions by now.
Teal’c: Then you are their greatest hope. And mine.
O’Neill: Listen, um, I gotta ask you something. It’s not easy for me.
Kawalsky weakly: We’re friends.
O’Neill: If you don’t make it, can I have your stereo?
Teal’c: He was your friend.
O’Neill: My friend died on the table.
Emancipation
Jackson: What a mess.
Teal’c: This temple was destroyed long ago.
O’Neill: Let’s get a move on before we meet somebody who remember why.
Jackson: How is it that you always come up with the worst case scenario?
O’Neill: I practice.
Carter: So you think this new anesthesia will be a miracle drug on Earth?
Jackson: Well if it is I bet somebody else will get the credit. We can never say where it came from.
O’Neill: Damn! Guess I’m going to have to cancel that Oprah interview.
Teal’c: What is an “oprah”?
The Broca Divide
O’Neill: Love what they’ve done with the place.
Carter: I was going to do my living room like this but it didn’t go with my other stuff.
Jackson: Looks Minoan.
Jackson: Wow. What happened to you?
O’Neill: Oh I got in a little wrestling match with Carter.
Jackson: Why?
O’Neill: I guess she’s got whatever Johnson got. I had to drag her off to the infirmary.
Jackson: What did she start a fight with you like Johnson did with Teal’c?
O’Neill: No, uh, she tried to seduce me.
Jackson: Oh. pause. You poor man.
The First Commandment
O’Neill: Carter, I want you to take Connor back through the Stargate, report to General Hammond what’s happened here.
Carter: No, sir.
O’Neill: “No, sir”?
Carter: If you’re going after Captain Hanson I should go with you. I can get to him.
O’Neill: Look, Captain, either we’re bringing him back to face a court martial or not. I think we both know what the “not” means.
Carter: I know him, Colonel.
O’Neill: Yeah that would be the problem, wouldn’t it?
Carter: I gave him back the ring because I know him. I know how he thinks, how he operates.
O’Neill: How he likes to play god?
Carter: Look, I don’t understand how that could happen anymore than you do. But if SG-1 is going after him then I am going with you.
Connor: Wait a minute. No, you can’t do that. There are hundreds—probably thousands— of them. He’s their god. They’ll die for him, they’ll kill for him in a heartbeat.
O’Neill: That’s not your problem. Now I need someone to report back to the General and that is you.
Connor: No, sir.
O’Neill: “No, sir”? Does it say “colonel” anywhere on my uniform?
O’Neill: Well. We’re off to see the wizard.
Teal’c: The perimeter is established. He demonstrates
O’Neill: Perfect. If any little rocks sneak up on us, we’ll have plenty of warning.
O’Neill: Let’s go. We’ve got company.
Jackson: Are you sure? a dart lands near his head
O’Neill: Pretty sure.
Brief Candle
Jackson: Wow, this place is incredible. It’s like we stepped into the Citadel at Mycenae.
O’Neill: I thought you said it was Greek.
Jackson: Oh, um, Mycenae was an ancient city in the southern Peloponnesus region.
O’Neill: Where’s that?
Jackson: Greece.
O’Neill: Why do I do that?
O’Neill: What happened?
Carter: To them or you?
O’Neill: We’ll talk about that later.
O’Neill: Welcome back, Captain. So what did you find out? Come on now, don’t keep the elderly waiting. It’s rude.
Kynthia: But you ate the marriage cake, came to my bed.
O’Neill: “Marriage cake”?
O’Neill: Welcome back, kids. It’s damn good to see you again. Don’t worry. Aside from a little prostate problem we won’t go into, it’s not so bad.
Cold Lazarus
Sara O’Neill: That other guy. Do you know what he said?
O’Neill: I have a pretty fair idea.
Sara: We were great together.
O’Neill: The greatest.
Thor’s Hammer
Thor (as a Norse God hologram):
O’Neill: Teal’c, I think we just got the answering machine.
Unas (James Earl Jones): Jaffa. I am Unas. The First One.
Teal’c: You do not exist.
Unas: Kill the human.
O’Neill: Excuse me?
Unas: And we will feast together.
Teal’c: I no longer serve the Goa’uld.
Unas: We shall see.
Unas: I know the secrets of the Labyrinth. I could help you escape.
O’Neill: A map would be nice.
The Torment of Tantalus
Jackson: There’s no conclusion to the file. No summary, no notes, no… reason to explain why they gave up.
O’Neill: Well whole boxes of material could be missing.
Jackson: No, the Pentagon said this was everything.
O’Neill: Oh please. The Pentagon’s lost entire countries.
O’Neill: Daniel, before your head explodes, may I remind you that we’ve got more important things to deal with right now.
Jackson: How can you say that? Don’t you know what this could mean?
O’Neill: Actually. No.
Jackson: This could be the key to understanding our existence. Everyone—every thing’s—existence.
Bloodlines
Teal’c: If we are discovered, you will be brought before Apophis along with us.
O’Neill: We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Bra’tac (Tony Amendola): No. The bridge is too well guarded.
O’Neill: No, actually there I was using a cliche that…
Bra’tac: Teal’c tells me your world is without gods. Difficult to imagine.
O’Neill: Oh it’s not without gods. A lot of people believe there’s a god. Not everyone believes in the same god in the same way, but…. Well let’s just say nobody believes in anyone with glowing eyes and a snake in his head.
Bra’tac: Then you serve no one.
O’Neill: I serve the SGC under a General Hammond.
Bra’tac: So this Hammond is—
O’Neill: Just a man. A very good, very bald man from Texas.
O’Neill: Alright, here’s the plan.
Bra’tac: You will do as I say.
O’Neill: Right.
Fire and Water
Hammond: You know that’s my car, don’t you?
O’Neill: You should get that window fixed.
Carter: I wonder what they’re going to do with all this stuff.
O’Neill: Maybe give it to a museum. Or start one.
Jackson: This is a long story.
Carter: Yeah, I’ll bet.
O’Neill: Tell us about it over sushi.
Jackson: That’s funny. I will after I get some sleep.
O’Neill: Ah… home. Yeah, about that apartment.
Jackson: Oh, you didn’t!
Carter: The, ah, day after the memorial service.
Jackson: Memorial service?
Carter: The Colonel said some really nice things.
Jackson: He— he did? He did?
The Nox
O’Neill: Sorry to drop in on you like this, but we were… dead.
Jackson: Somehow I don’t think we’d make very good Nox.
O’Neill: I think you’re right.
O’Neill about Nafrayu: I told him to go home.
Antaeus (Armin Schimerman): I told you the same. The very young do not always do what they are told.
O’Neill: So Shak’l thinks we’re unarmed. Apophis thinks he’s invulnerable.
Jackson: And they’re right. I think I’ve found the flaw in your plan.
Apophis (Peter Williams): Fool! I will kill you.
O’Neill: Again?
Hathor
Jackson: Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.
O’Neill: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?
Jackson: In a manner of speaking.
Hathor: We are the mother of all pharaohs.
O’Neill: Of course we are.
Hathor: You, with the crown of marble.
O’Neill to Hammond: She… might mean you, sir.
Carter: Wow. That’s a miracle.
O’Neill: Crunches.
O’Neill: Did you find anything?
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Probably nothing we can use. We’ll at least get a cellular level analysis on the Goa’ulds. Maybe even find some DNA information.
Jackson: A lot of that will probably be mine.
O’Neill: Ew.
Jackson: Yeah.
Cor-ai
Jackson: That’s interesting. I wonder if everyone’s coming from some sort of religious event.
O’Neill: Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they’re coming from a swap meet.
O’Neill: I don’t suppose we could get him out on bail?
Hanno: He is guilty. He must pay for what he has done.
O’Neill: And you’ve already decided this?
Hanno: Yes.
O’Neill: Did anyone hear that kid say that Teal’c was guilty already? For all we know they want to kill him.
Jackson: Wait, wait, who said anything about killing? I mean all they said was they want to put him through “Cor-ai”. Now, near as I can figure is that they want to put him through a simple trial.
O’Neill: Now see it’s that “near as I can figure” part that’s got me a little worried.
Then who will be his voice?
O’Neill: That would be me.
Carter: Uh. You?
Teal’c: While in the service of Apophis I did many things. For these deeds my victims deserve retribution.
O’Neill: Can we focus on this one case only for now, please?
Teal’c: This case represents the many.
O’Neill: Well it shouldn’t!
Teal’c: Hanno’s father was not the first or the last of those whose lives I have taken. And I have done far worse, O’Neill. I can not give all of their loved ones retribution, but I can at least give it to this one.
Hammond: Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people’s affairs.
O’Neill: Since when, sir?
Hammond: Since this administration was elected.
Singularity
Jackson: So what exactly are we going to see after this eclipse begins? I mean it is black and it is a hole.
O’Neill: Well it might be a black hole.
Jackson: Okay, let me put that a different way.
Carter: No Daniel, you’re right. You can’t actually see it. Not the singularity itself. It’s so massive not even light can escape it. But during the totalitarity phase of the eclipse we should be able to see matter spiraling towards it.
O’Neill: Actually it’s called the Accretion Disk.
Jackson: Well I guess it’s easy to understand why the local population would be afraid of something like a…. What did you just say?
O’Neill: It’s just an astronomical term.
Carter: You didn’t think the colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors, did you?
O’Neill: Not initially.
O’Neill: This is fun. Teal’c spins around on his chair. Only eight hours to go. Sweet.
Teal’c: We must get to the Stargate.
O’Neill: No argument from me!
Teal’c: This Goa’uld Nirrti, he once sent an emissary of peace to negotiate a treaty concerning a stargate Apophis had taken control of. The negotiation was a ploy. The Stargate was destroyed.
O’Neill: How?
Teal’c: As soon as he entered the Stargate there was a massive explosion.
O’Neill: The girl.
Jackson: Jack, she’s going back down.
O’Neill: The hell she is.
O’Neill: Alright, why don’t you guys clear out. No one moves. Right.
Cassandra: What’s that?
O’Neill: We have a rule here on Earth. Every kid has got to have a dog. This is a dog. And he’s yours.
Enigma
Carter: Temperature: Ground. 1700 degrees fahrenheit. Air: Seems to be in pockets ranging from 1500 degrees down to 200.
O’Neill: Sounds like L.A.
Teal’c: This is knowledge far beyond that of the Goa’uld.
Colonel Mayborne (Tom McBeath): That’s exactly what the President and Joint Chiefs want to hear. Colonel Mayborne, sir. NID.
O’Neill: Intelligence? What happened to Kennedy?
Colonel Mayborne: Promoted. I took his place.
O’Neill: Promoted? Talk about failing upwards.
Teal’c: General, we must ensure the Tollans’ escape.
Hammond: I can’t let you do that. We’d all be court-martialed.
O’Neill: General, I’m about a hair away from not caring.
O’Neill about the Nox: God I love those people.
Tin Man
O’Neill: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your colonel speaking. Welcome to P3X-niner-eight-niner, where it’s a balmy… room temperature.
O’Neill: Well that sounds ominous.
Harlan: Comtraya! Comtraya!
O’Neill: Daniel?
Jackson: I think that’s a greeting.
Harlan: Yes. It is.
Harlan: You are all such wonderful specimens. to Carter: You in particular.
Carter: Colonel.
O’Neill: Easy, Captain.
O’Neill: What is that, “Comtraya”? Is that like “Aloha”?
Fraiser: Colonel, how do you feel?
O’Neill: Never felt better in my life. It’s got me a little worried, actually.
Fraiser: Yeah well, this has got me a little worried. {she hands him her stethoscope}. Listen.
O’Neill: I don’t hear anything. What, this is better? I’m dead?
Solitudes
Hammond: I need to know what went on back there, Teal’c.
Teal’c: We were under fire. Distant. Energy weapons of some kind. Possibly Goa’uld technology.
Hammond: So it’s possible Colonel O’Neill and Captain Carter were struck by enemy fire.
Teal’c: I do not think so. They were but a few meters behind me as I passed through the Gate.
Carter: Try to stay put, sir. I think your leg’s broken.
O’Neill: No, my leg’s definitely broken. What’s the bad news? Because unless they redecorated the Gateroom I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.
Carter: Daniel must have misdialed.
O’Neill: Misdialed? You mean this place is a wrong number? For cryin’ out loud.
Carter: We’re in trouble, sir.
O’Neill: Oh nonsense. We’ll just dial home and straighten all this out. Where’s the DHD?
Carter: Can’t find that either.
O’Neill: Oh. So. We’re in trouble.
Carter: We’re in trouble.
Carter: Okay, I think it’s set.
O’Neill: You think it’s set?
Carter: I’m positive. All we have to do is put a splint on it and it’ll be as good as new.
O’Neill: Just take it easy, Doctor.
Carter: Wrong kind of doctor, I’m afraid.
O’Neill: You wouldn’t think jagged bone digging into raw nerves would hurt, but it does.
Carter: What’s wrong with your chest?
O’Neill: I think I cracked a rib too.
Carter: Why didn’t you say something?
O’Neill: I was afraid you’d try to put a splint on it.
Carter: I didn’t know you could cook.
O’Neill: I can’t. But my melted ice is to die for.
Hammond: I formally reported Colonel O’Neill and Captain Carter missing in action.
Jackson: Why?
Hammond: Missing in action doesn’t mean we stop looking, Son.
O’Neill: It’s just very hard to sleep with broken ribs when someone’s lying on you.
Carter: Colonel?
O’Neill: That’s my sidearm, I swear. No giggling. Please.
Carter: If we don’t make it, I won’t have any regrets.
O’Neill: I’ll regret dying.
O’Neill: It’s cold.
Carter: It’s all right. You can sleep now. It was an honor serving with you too, Colonel.
There But for the Grace of God
Jackson: So if you’ve never been to Chulak you’ve probably never even met Teal’c.
General O’Neill: Teal?
Jackson: No. Teal’c!
General O’Neill: Report, Doctor.
Dr. Carter: We’ve lost Washington and Philadelphia, sir.
Jackson: I’m sorry. What do you mean “lost”?
Jackson: You’re sending a nuclear weapon to Chulak?
General O’Neill: You got a problem with that?
Jackson: The Jaffa aren’t your enemy. They’re slaves.
General O’Neill: Unless this man has more information we can use I don’t want to see him again.
Dr. Carter: It’s incredible.
General O’Neill: It’s supposed to be theoretical.
Dr. Carter: Not anymore.
O’Neill: Okay, let’s get him back to Earth.
Jackson: No, Jack! We’re all in very big trouble. They’re coming. They’re coming.
Politics
Jackson: The whole time you thought I had disappeared on P3R-233 I was experiencing an alternate reality.
O’Neill: And you were there. And you were there. And there’s no place like home.
Jackson: As a matter of fact you were there!
Carter: Daniel, it’s not that we don’t believe you.
Jackson: So you do?
O’Neill: No. It’s just that. We don’t believe you.
O’Neill: All right. Let me get this straight here. Engaged?
Carter: It is theoretically possible.
O’Neill: It’s against regulations.
Carter: I’m talking physics, sir.
Carter: Major Samuels.
Lt. Col. Samuels: That’s Lieutenant Colonel Samuels now, Captain.
Carter: I beg your pardon, sir. Congratulations.
O’Neill: You’ll always be “Sparky” to me.
Hammond: It costs nearly a billion dollars just to turn the lights on around here.
O’Neill: How about a bake sale? Yard sale? Garage?
Hammond: This is what I look like when I’m not laughing, Colonel.
O’Neill: Car wash? {Hammond laughs} I’m sorry, sir.
Senator Kinsey (Ronny Cox): So this must be the infamous SG-1.
O’Neill: Infamous. Yes sir.
Senator Kinsey (Ronny Cox): Colonel, I’ve heard a lot about you.
O’Neill: Don’t believe a word of it, sir. I’m actually a very nice guy.
Senator Kinsey: And this must be the drain through which the money flows.
Kinsey: Now, do you stand behind SG-1’s record?
O’Neill: Yes. I do.
Kinsey: Then let’s just go through it, shall we?
Jackson: SG-2 just made contact with Kynthia’s planet just a few weeks ago. They are living long, productive lives because of us. Now I am very proud of what we did there.
O’Neill: I might even retire there.
Kinsey: You have no fear of it, do you Colonel? It’s like a game to you.
O’Neill: No sir. Anything as powerful as the Stargate deserves respect. We know how dangerous it is to do what we do. We also know how dangerous it is.
Kinsey: Colonel O’Neill, You’re like reckless children and you’re playing with fire.
Carter: If you shut down this program now, when it’s needed most—
Kinsey: For what?
Carter: To gather technology. Weapons.
Kinsey: Not at this price or this level of competence.
Hammond: My people are the best out there, Senator.
Kinsey: I’m sorry, General. But your best is not good enough. I do not approve of nor support this endeavour. And I have heard nothing here today that would change my mind. I intend to shut the Stargate down.
Jackson: I am not crazy.
Kinsey: Nor am I, Dr. Jackson. Neither am I am unused to eleventh hour pleas, though never have I heard one so desperate as this.
Jackson: Senator, they are coming.
Kinsey: Then I say let them come!
O’Neill: Where do you get this bureaucratic bull? You’re talking suicide.
Teal’c: I would like to request permission to return through the Stargate before it is permanently sealed. If this world does not intend to continue its struggle against the Goa’uld, then here I do not belong.
O’Neill: I think I’m going with him.
Hammond: I can’t allow that, Colonel. Sorry, but you know that. The President has made it perfectly clear, if we were unable to convince the Senator we would cease operations effective immediately.
Carter: Sir, there are still two SG teams offworld.
Hammond: We’ll keep the light on until they return, but that’s all I’m authorized to do.
O’Neill: So what? That’s it?
Hammond: That’s it, Colonel.
Carter: It can’t be.
O’Neill: With all due respect, sir—
Jackson: With all due respect, sir, the good senator is an ass.
Hammond: He is an elected official of the government we are sworn to serve. Whether we agree or disagree, he’s made his decision. Our commander-in-chief has given us our orders accordingly. I expect you all to carry them out. Dismissed.
Within the Serpent’s Grasp
Hammond: I never anticipated how much paperwork is involved in shutting down a facility. Not exactly the last brave act I wanted to do before retiring.
O’Neill: So you’re still just gonna throw it in, huh?
Hammond: Well I was a month away from retirement before were started the SGC. Only thing that kept me here was… well let’s face it. It was a pretty wild ride.
O’Neill: Yes sir. Personally I don’t think we should be getting off that ride just yet.
Teal’c: I believe a medical attack could be successful.
O’Neill: Surgical attack, Teal’c. It’s called a surgical attack and I’d feel like an idiot.
Carter: Sir?
O’Neill: I was answering Daniel’s question. If we don’t do something now and they do attack later I’d feel like an idiot. {pause} We go.
Teal’c: I too will go.
O’Neill: It’s not an order ,Captain.
Carter: I understand that, Colonel. I’m going.
O’Neill: Cool. What are these things?
Teal’c: This is a Goa’uld zat’n’ktel. A weapon using a different form of energy less powerful than that of a staff weapon. Less destructive but still quite deadly.
O’Neill: Sweet. Pass ’em around. What’d you call it?
Teal’c: Zat’n’ktel.
O’Neill: Right. Let’s call it a zat gun.
O’Neill: I always get a happy, tingly feeling when I see those guys.
Jackson: Teal’c, what is this?
Teal’c: It is aGoa’uld long-range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television but much more advanced.
O’Neill: Think it gets Showtime?
O’Neill: Hey. How’re you doing? Uh… seen a bathroom around here?
O’Neill: Okay. One shot hurts him, two shots kills him. Third shot…
Disintegrates him.
O’Neill: Oh great. You didn’t feel this was worthy of mention, I take it.
O’Neill: I suggest the two of you figure out how to get us back home.
Carter: Sir, the only way to do that would be to turn this thing around and go back to where we started.
Jackson: Right. I’ll just go tell the pilot.
Jackson: It’s happening. We’re on an attack ship headed to Earth.
O’Neill: Okay. Well we’ve got some problems then.
O’Neill: I’m not talking to the thing in your head, I’m talking to Skaara.
Skaara/Klorel: Nothing of the host survives.
O’Neill: That’s bullshit!