Redemption : Part One
Jonas Quinn (Corin Nemec): Hey Major? How do I know what color to wear?
Carter: We call each other every morning.
Carter: Teal’c’s not exactly an open book.
Quinn: Still. I’m usually much better at reading people.
Chekov: Major! Why was I not informed about the X-302?
Quinn: For example, it might not be obvious to everyone but this man is actually very upset.
Teal’c: Rya’c!
Rya’c: You dare show your face here? She is dead because of you.
Bra’tac: Teal’c chose your mother’s fate no more than he chose his own. We are all victims of the Goa’uld.
Teal’c: No Master Bra’tac, Rya’c is correct. I have failed both he and his mother.
Bra’tac: The boy passes judgment without ever having fought a single battle. to Rya’c: Hm? Fighting a war that appears unwinnable does not make one’s cause less noble.
Bra’tac: He directs his malice towards you because he believes you doubt him as much as he doubts himself.
Teal’c: Why would he believe such a thing?
Bra’tac: Because you are his father. And you have not told him otherwise.
McKay: Still sexy as ever, I see.
Carter: What are you doing here?
McKay: Well there’s no point in building Naquadah reactors for Russia if there isn’t going to be a Russia, is there.
Murphy: I assume you were briefed on the way here.
Carter: Briefly.
Anubis: Prepare to meet your doom.
O’Neill: Oh please. Who talks like that?
Redemption : Part Two
McKay: She’s not going to be happy when she wakes up, is she? She is going to wake up. Isn’t she?
Rya’c: I do not understand. There was at least eight of them.
Bra’tac: Ten.
Rya’c: How did neither of you get hit?
Teal’c: It is always more difficult to hit a moving target.
Bra’tac: It is also helpful to be lucky.
Carter: What’cha thinkin’?
McKay: Besides the fact that these guys are morons? she laughs. What do you think the little alien guy’s doing down there?
McKay: You know, it’s the stupidest thing, but it’s been bugging me since I got here.
Carter: What’s that?
McKay: We’re inside a mountain. The gate obviously can’t fit through any of these doors.
Carter: So how did we get it in here.
McKay: Yeah.
Carter: Ceiling retracts. Above it is a shaft that leads to the surface and inside is a crane mechanism that hoisted the gate down.
McKay: Interesting.
Carter: Yeah.
McKay: Does it go up?
Carter: Sir. You do realize that if this works we won’t have a Stargate anymore.
Hammond: It did occur to me.
McKay: Well. Uh… let me know if I can help.
Carter: I will. Thanks. Carter kisses McKay on the cheek.
McKay: That means you don’t hate me.
Carter: Maybe. Too bad for you.
McKay: Why?
Carter: I was more attracted to you when I did.
O’Neill: You sure you want to take this with you, Sir?
Hammond: We’re closed for business. I was supposed to retire five years ago. We don’t know how long it’s going to be before we can reestablish a Stargate program, if ever.
O’Neill: Actually, I just meant it says “Property of U.S. Air Force” on it.
Jonas: I don’t want you to exonerate me. I just want to be given the opportunity to prove I can make a difference.
O’Neill: Good guess on the green.
Jonas: Thanks.
Descent
Jacob Carter: Jack, are you seriously considering salvaging this ship?
O’Neill: Why yes I am, Jacob.
Jacob: This ship belonged to Anubis.
O’Neill: Excellent.
Jacob: What if it’s some sort of Trojan horse?
O’Neill: Well then apparently they did it wrong.
Jonas: Why would he bring me all the way out here if I’m not going to be allowed to contribute anything?
Teal’c: This is your first mission. It may take some time for Colonel O’Neill to gain confidence in your abilities.
Jonas: So it was the same for you?
Teal’c: No it was not.
Jonas: Those of us who weren’t originally from the planet Earth gotta stick together, right?
Teal’c: Are you suggesting an alien conspiracy?
Major Davis: I know Thor was a friend of yours, but this is a Goa’uld mothership. If we allow it to blow up they’ll be nothing left to salvage.
Jacob: Jack, this ship is never going to fly again. I’d say having the Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet owe you one is more valuable.
O’Neill: Yeah. Alright. Next mothership we keep. Okay?
Frozen
Jonas Quinn (Corin Nemec): How long is this going to take?
Dr. Osbourne (Bruce Harwood): A couple days, maybe more. Why?
Jonas: Long range weather forecast doesn’t look good.
Carter: Bit of a weather freak.
Dr. Francine Michaels: He’ll love it here.
Dr. Fraiser: Do you have any guess about her age?
Dr. Michaels: Hm, 25 to 35.
Dr. Osbourne: Give or take several million years.
Carter: Several million?
Dr. Fraiser: We didn’t do anything, sir. She revived herself. It’s as if the thawing process triggered an internal response telling her body to come back to life.
O’Neill: But not a snakehead, right?
Dr. Fraiser: No sir.
O’Neill: All right. Then what are we dealing with here?
Dr. Fraiser: Something not humanly possible. Not as far as I know.
Teal’c: Then she may indeed be not of this planet.
Carter: As far as we knew up until now, all human life in the galaxy was transported to two other planets from Earth by the Goa’uld. Now the odds of a totally alien lifeform evolving to look exactly like us is astronomical.
Jonas: What reason would she have to hide anything?
Carter: Fear.
Dr. Fraiser: Antarctic cod can live in water so cold other fish would develop ice crystals in their blood. Now they’ve had forty million years or so to adapt to the change of temperature in the water and they’ve developed this protein that acts like antifreeze.
Carter: They’re fish.
Dr. Fraiser: Given enough time, evolution can do some pretty amazing things.
Dr. Fraiser: Look, we know that humans can become much more powerful beings. We’ve seen it happen with Daniel.
Carter: With the help of other powerful beings.
Teal’c: I do not believe Colonel O’Neill would choose to become a To’kra.
Thoran: I am aware of the Colonel’s dislike for our kind. However I am surprised that you think he would choose death over blending.
Nightwalkers
Richard Fleming: I know what happened to you. I know about Adrian Conrad.
Carter: Who are you?
Richard Fleming: They never shut the project down, Major. And now it’s out of control.
Carter: What project?
Richard Fleming: You have to protect me. They know that I—
Carter: You knew who Adrian Conrad was, didn’t you?
Jonas Quinn (Corin Nemec): Well I memorized all your mission reports. I just don’t want people around here to start thinking I’m “strange”.
Carter: People don’t think you’re strange.
Jonas: What about Colonel O’Neill?
Carter: Let’s get some lunch.
Carter: I’d like to see his lab if I may.
Sheriff Knox: There was a fire last night at Immunitech. The place was gutted.
As you may already know, we have three uninvited guests in town. They’re asking questions. The chances are they won’t find anything. But if they do, then we will have to deal with them.
Carter: Nice lunch.
Jonas: I’m really starting to enjoy this, ah, traditional American food.
Carter: We have another tradition. It’s called hardened arteries.
Teal’c: Our attempts to gather information from the town have proved equally fruitless.
Jonas: I wouldn’t say that. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how strangely people have been acting around here.
Carter: What are you talking about?
Jonas: Well for instance, that man there, right behind Teal’c? He hasn’t realized it, but he’s put eight cubes of sugar in his coffee. That lady over at the counter? Has been reading the same article for half-an-hour. Since we sat down, that waitress has dropped her tray twice. The cook has gotten three orders wrong, including my hamburger. Which I ordered medium rare but is in fact well-done. I’ve been noticing similar behavior all morning. It’s like the entire town’s half-asleep.
Sheriff Knox: Two months ago, another Immunitech researcher named Peter Stouffer disappeared. The case was never solved.
Carter: Why didn’t you tell me this?
Sheriff Knox: The town’s been through some rough times, Major. Shipyard shut down two years ago, put everybody out of work. When Immunitech came along they brought a lot of money to the area.
Carter: So nobody wants to hear anything bad about them.
Teal’c: You have much to learn about humans.
Jonas: That’s kind of my point. How are we supposed to fit in if we spend all our time on base?
Teal’c: I have a sufficient understanding of Earth culture.
Jonas: But you’ll never really be one of them.
Teal’c: This is not my home. When my time with SG-1 is done, I will return to Chulak with my son.
Jonas: I guess that’s the difference between us. I don’t think I’ll be able to go back.
Carter: What did happen at the bar?
Teal’c: We were met with hostility.
Carter: You didn’t say anything weird, did you?
Jonas: Why are you looking at me?
Jonas: You have got to teach me how to do that.
Carter: Wormhole theory, motorcycle riding, lockpicking.
Jonas: Not necessarily in that order.
Sheriff Knox: What about this one?
Carter: He’s an alien. The humans don’t really trust him. {Jonas looks a little surprised.} We’ll have to kill him.
Agent Singer: The humans have no idea what’s going on here.
Carter: Oh…. I wouldn’t exactly say that. {she zats them.} You guys aren’t nearly as smart as you think you are.
Jonas: So when we were in the Sheriff’s office, you were in complete control?
Carter: That’s right.
Jonas: And you felt it absolutely necessary to shoot me.
Carter: Had to make it look good. {Jonas doesn’t seem convinced.} Let’s get some lunch.
Abyss
Hammond: My patience on this matter has just about run out. You’ve been promising the safe return of Colonel O’Neill for days. Where is he?
Counselor Thoran: I’m afraid I am the bearer of bad news.
Thoran: The Tok’ra council accepts that Kanan may be lost to us.
Hammond: That’s the big difference between us, Counselor. We don’t leave our people behind.
Lord Ba’al (Cliff Simon): Who are you?
O’Neill: You go first.
Ba’al: You claim you do not know me.
O’Neill: Well. Take no offense there, Skippy. I’m sure you’re a real hot, important Goa’uld. I’ve just always been kinda out of the loop with the snake thing.
Ba’al: I am Ba’al.
O’Neill: That’s it? Just… ball? As in bocce?
Ba’al: Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence?
O’Neill: I don’t know the meaning of the word. {pause}. Seriously, “impudence,” what does that mean?
O’Neill: This is the last thing I remember, I swear to God. I was sick. I agreed to let the Tok’ra put a snake in my head or I would have died! Right now I’m kinda wishing I had.
Ba’al: A wish easily granted.
Thoran: You threaten the peaceful continuation of relations between our two peoples, General Hammond.
Hammond: If our relations continue in the direction they’re going, Counselor, I don’t give a damn.
Shadow Play
Teal’c: The Kelownan delegation will arrive soon. Is there a problem, Jonas Quinn?
Jonas: Just been, ah, so caught up in being a member of SG-1, I kinda forgot how this whole thing started.
Teal’c: We have take similar paths. I too was forced to betray all of that in which I had placed my faith.
General Hammond: I must admit we were a little surprised to hear from you given the circumstances of our last encounter.
Ambassador Dreylock: I’m sure we all regret what happened. But I don’t think anything was said or done to damage relations between us irreparably.
O’Neill: You accused a member of my team of sabotage to cover up your own incompetence.
Commander Hale: And you received stolen goods and are harboring a traitor.
Ambassador Dreylock: Perhaps it’d be better if we focused on the matter at hand.
General Hammond: Given our past experience we’re reluctant to interfere in the affairs of another planet.
Ambassador Dreylock: According to Mr. Quinn’s original report, you regular interfere in the affairs of a race known as the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: Well that’s a little different.
Dr. Kieran (Dean Stockwell): I’m a member of an underground network, Jonas. We’ve infiltrated every level of government—the civil service, even the military. We intend to stop our leaders before they take us to the brink of destruction.
Jonas: You’re talking about a coup.
Dr. Kieran: When the time is right. But we need your help.
Blaylock: You are asking us to reveal something to our sworn enemies that we have yet to admit to our own people.
Jonas: Look like it’s time you did. Think about it. If everybody knew if this was just one in thousands of inhabited planets, don’t you think that they would start focusing on their similarities instead of their differences.
First Minister Velis: That’s a noble sentiment, Jonas. Of course if it were that simple, I’m sure the existence of the Stargate would be public knowledge on Earth as well.
Dr. Kieran: We were scientists. We were pursuing knowledge. We never knew what we were creating.
Jonas: It’s not your fault, Professor.
The Other Guys
Jay Felger (Patrick McKenna): Look at them! They are so cool.
Simon Coombs (John Billingsley): Jay, enough already. It’s embarrassing.
Meyers: Not to mention unprofessional.
Felger: Guys, we’re in the presence of greatness here. The best of the best! And here we are working alongside them. Savor the moment, gentlemen. Savor the moment.
Simon Coombs: Come on, Felger! We’re studying an old piece of Goa’uld technology and they’re babysitting us.
Felger: What do you think they’re talking about right now?
O’Neill: So T, who’re you taking in the Cup? {Teal’c doesn’t react}. Lord Stanley’s Cup…. Hockey. Remember, with the ice and skating. We went to a game last year.
Teal’c: Indeed. I believe the Canucks of Vancouver are superior warriors.
O’Neill: Canucks, eh?
Felger: Then you guys can get right back to saving the world. For the seventh time.
Teal’c: Eighth.
O’Neill: What, you’re counting?
Felger: Bite me, Coombs. At least my heroes exist. If this was a Trek convention you’d be all dressed up like a Klingon.
Coombs: Vulcan, Felger. Vulcan. And I don’t know how you can call yourself a scientist and not worship at the altar that is Roddenberry.
Felger: “Oo! How are we going to get out of this one, Captain? Oh I don’t know, something to do with a tachyon emitter.”
Coombs after Felger blindly shoots up the ring room: Nicely done. We were alone but that will probably change now.
Carter: How come you’re not smiling?
Jonas: Should I be?
Carter: Well it is your first time being captured by a Goa’uld.
Jonas: Huh. Funny.
Jonas: So what now?
Teal’c: We wait.
Jonas: Shouldn’t we be trying to escape?
O’Neill: Oddly? No. Won’t be long.
Jonas: Before what?
O’Neill: Oh, some overdressed, over-the-top bad guy floats in, gloating about whatever evil fate awaits us. … Wait for it. {The door opens}. See?
Felger: Information is an SG team’s greatest ally.
Coombs: You know what an SG team’s greatest ally is? An SG team!
O’Neill: What are you doing here?!
Felger: Stand easy. We’re here to rescue you!
Carter: Did he say “we”?
Felger: That’s right. I have Coombs with me.
O’Neill: Why look, everybody! He’s got Coombs with him!
Felger: You try to help people, this is the thanks you get.
Coombs: I should have shot you.
O’Neill: Hey Herak! What, no gloating? Take some pride in your work, son.
Herak: You shall all be forced to bow before my master soon enough.
Felger: We are not going to die, Coombs.
Coombs: Oh come on, Felger. We might as well be wearing red shirts!
Felger: I don’t get that.
Felger: Get a hold of yourself! Don’t you get it, Simon? Jaffa do not kill each other for fun.
Coombs: They don’t?!
Felger: Okay, I don’t know that for sure.
Felger: When are you going to start trusting me, Simon? I have four post-graduate degrees.
Herak: Spread the word among every rank: Be ready. Anubis is coming.
O’Neill: Where’s Khonsu?
Herak: Khonsu is dead.
O’Neill: Dead? Completely dead or semi-dead? You guys seem to have a grey area in that regard.
Herak: His true loyalties were well known. Once his betrayal bore fruit his existence was no longer required.
O’Neill: Are you calling us fruit?
Her’ak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O’Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition. Bastard.
O’Neill: Felger, we need weapons.
Felger: There should be a big armory at the end of the hall. Either that or a bathroom.
Allegiance
Malek: This is the base of the Tau’ri. Why are there Jaffa?
Carter: Rebel warriors.
Malek: Jaffa who have turned against the Goa’uld. I did not realize their ranks had grown to such a number.
Carter: Hundreds more are operating as a fifth column among the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: Just like you.
Carter: Many of these Jaffa had to evacuate their rebel base a few months ago.
Malek: I see.
O’Neill: Is that going to be a problem?
Malek: Not for us.
O’Neill: Good.
O’Neill: What the hell is going on here? This is a funeral, for cryin’ out loud!
Artok: I asked a question of this Tok’ra.
Ocker: No one may speak during the ritual.
O’Neill: For this you guys are fighting? I’m sure he’s sorry.
Artok: I am not.
O’Neill: Yeah, on the inside.
Ocker: It does not matter.
O’Neill: Look, it does not matter. Come on, a lot of people lost their lives. Show a little respect.
Malek: We have been fighting the Goa’uld for a millennia.
O’Neill: Yeah, just when should we expect some progress on that?
Jacob: There’s talk among the Tok’ra ranks that the end is closer than we think. And I don’t mean the end of the Goa’uld. I mean the end of us. All of us. The Jaffa rebellion isn’t exactly rolling along as well as could be expected either, I take it.
O’Neill: No, it’s not.
Jacob: Then at least we have that much in common.
O’Neill: Why don’t we see what the autopsy says.
Malek: Why?
O’Neill: Because we don’t convict someone just because a light turns red!
Fraiser: It checks out. The same bladed weapon killed both of them and probably the others too. Single thrust, up through the symbiote, continuing up, piercing his heart. He was dead before he hit the ground.
O’Neill: Nirrti’s been working out.
Teal’c: Not Nirrti. An Ashrak.
Bra’tac: This single blade did what we could not. It has brought us together. This blade has spilled the blood of Jaffa, of the Tok’ra… and of the Tau’ri. By the hand of our common enemy, it has made us brothers. Together we have ensured it will never spill our blood again.
Cure
Dollen: They are sending their most respected team of representatives. No doubt the leader of this group will be a brilliant and savvy negotiator. We must be on our best to match the challenge. Personally, I can not wait to meet a man of such genius.
O’Neill: Howdy folks!
Commander Tagar: From our study of the ancient temple, we have been able to deduce the Stargate was an interplanetary transportation device.
But we haven’t determined how to make a connection with the many worlds described in the writings in the temple.
Carter: It took us awhile to get the hang of it too.
O’Neill: Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Dollen: We call it tretonin, Colonel. It is our greatest scientific discovery.
Carter: How so?
Dollen: Major Carter, from what you have told me of your world people suffer from a myriad of illnesses, many of them are untreatable. Tretonin makes our immune systems impervious to any ailment. We live in perfect health.
Jonas: Looks like we’re alone.
Zenna: What do you suppose this means?
Jonas: You said there was something we needed to know about the tretonin.
Zenna: I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood.
Jonas: No, I think you were pretty clear.
Jonas: Zenna, if you know something—
Zenna: No, I don’t.
Teal’c: Goa’uld symbiotes.
Jonas: Are you sure?
Teal’c: Yes. And there are a great many.
Commander Tagar: Would you care to tell us what you were doing at the tretonin facility?
O’Neill: You want to tell us why you have a pool full of Goa’uld symbiotes?
Dollen: You have betrayed our openness with you.
O’Neill: Openness? You’re raising Goa’ulds. When were you going to tell us that?
Dollen: Quite frankly, we wanted to tell you how the tretonin was made—eventually. We just wanted to first assess how you might react.
O’Neill: “Not well.”
Jonas: I have an admission to make. You know Teal’c and I tracked down the tretonin facility.
Zanna: Yes, I heard.
Jonas: Yeah. Well I did it by going through your stuff when you weren’t here. I was wrong.
Zanna: I know.
Jonas: What, you know it was wrong, or…
Zanna: I know you did. I saw you.
Jonas: Really? ‘Cause I thought that we were, were…
Zanna: Not so good.
Malek: As you know, memories passed on genetically by the queen allow them to be born with the collective knowledge of their lineage.
Kelmaa: It is possible that the queen that spawned him was unable to pass on this information to her progeny.
O’Neill: Unable?
Malek: The knowledge imparted on her young by a queen is done so voluntarily.
Kelmaa: In this case, if nothing were passed on to the symbiote it would be, as you say, an empty vessel.
Carter: Can you remove it without harming the host?
Kelmaa: Possibly. Although such a procedure would be dangerous.
O’Neill: So you wanted the Gate addresses to Goa’uld worlds because you wanted to snag another queen?
Dollen: Colonel, we have no choice but to replace the one we have.
Jonas: Wait a minute. “Here lies Egeria, betrayer of the Goa’uld. May she … suffer for all eternity.” Egeria. Dr. Jackson’s notes mention her. Isn’t she supposed to have been killed?
Teal’c: Indeed she was. Yet this would seem to indicate otherwise.
Jonas: That means—
Teal’c: The queen the Pangarans are breeding is not Goa’uld. She is the origin of the Tok’ra.
Tagar: I’m sorry, but you ask the impossible.
Malek: She is our queen. Her freedom is not open for negotiation.
Dollen: We deeply regret who she is, but freeing her would mean death for many of our people.
O’Neill: Oh come on, Carter, face it. With all their high morals and fancy preaching about coexisting with humans, we are just a nice place to live.
Carter: I don’t think that we would just lie outright and doom thousands of innocent people.
O’Neill: The Tok’ra laying there on that table just did.
Dollen: Egeria has awakened.
Prometheus
Al Martell (George Wyner): Julia, when the president of the United States kills your story, that’s it. Game over. You go forward with this, they could charge you with treason.
Al Martell: I guess a couple of billion dollars doesn’t buy what it used to.
Jonas: You’d be surprised.
Al Martell: You’re saying little green men helped you build this?
Carter: Actually, they’re grey.
Jonas: Fairbanks?
Carter: Better than Roswell.
Julia Donovan: What is it?
Jonas: Someone’s trying to lock down the ship. I can’t stop them but I think I can slow them down.
Smith (Ian Tracey): You’re currently holding two prisoners we want released. Colonel Frank Simmons and Adrian Conrad. You have exactly three hours or we blow up your ship.
Donovan: Al, why are you doing this?
Martell: They’re paying me.
Donovan: We’re supposed to be friends.
Martell: They’re paying me a lot.
Major Davis: Colonel, you either give me what I need and we make arrangements, or we make a U-turn and I take you right back to your box.
Col. Simmons (John De Lancie): Seems to me that you’re in a bit of a bind now, aren’t you? Fortunately for you, I am willing to board the X-303 in the interest of saving lives. Of course I’m going to need a change of clothes. Something nice.
Col. Simmons: Spare me the Super Villain riff. You’re on the clock here.
O’Neill: Thor. Buddy! Nice timing.
Thor: It has been some time, O’Neill.
O’Neill: Can you help us out here?
Thor: It is in fact we who need your help. The Asgard home world has been overrun by replicators. We have need of both you and your ship.
Unnatural Selection
O’Neill: Don’t get me wrong, flattery goes a long way with me. But if you’re going where I think you’re going with this—
Thor: When it became clear to the Asgard High Council that the war with the Replicators could not be won, a plan was devised—a trap was set. One made possible by you.
Carter: By us?
Thor: The android Reese that you discovered and provided to us for study retained a single core command in her base programming, which we believed all Replicators would still follow.
Carter: And you were able to reactivate it.
Thor: No. The android was damaged beyond repair. However, the key command was activated within her neural network, amplified, and broadcast through subspace throughout the known universe.
Carter: What was the command?
Thor: To come forth.
Jonas: You instructed every Replicator out there to come to you.
O’Neill: I have a theory why you lost the war.
Thor: The command was only given once the trap was set.
Jonas: What was the trap?
Thor: A time-dilation device, generating a field radius of point one-six light years.
Carter: Wow. That’s some trap.
Thor: We have done all that we can and failed, O’Neill. You and your team represent our last hope.
O’Neill: Yeah. Great. So, no pressure. Right?
Thor: If you have in fact made your decision not to undertake this task, I will inform the Council.
O’Neill: Just… give me a minute here, okay?
Teal’c: Are you reconsidering, O’Neill?
O’Neill: I’m considering reconsidering.
Jonas: Well there has to be other options.
Thor: We believe there is no alternative plan of action.
Carter: Thor, I don’t think you realize what you’re asking us to do.
Thor: In the past, your projectile weapons have been most effective.
O’Neill: Yeah, well we don’t have any projectile weapons with us at the moment, and according to Carter we’re a long way from— home?
Thor: The contents of your armory at Stargate Command, along with appropriate attire, food and other supplies you may require, are now being transported aboard this vessel.
O’Neill: I hope you did the paperwork.
O’Neill: Suffice to say you might want to get upstairs and punch one on the old speed dial.
Hammond: My grandchildren?
O’Neill: Two, then. I think the president might want to know what the Asgard have in mind for our new ship.
O’Neill: You guys trying to make yourselves sick?
Jonas: Thor forgot to take the need for refrigeration into account so we figured we’d start with the frozen stuff. And it’s good.
O’Neill: I’ll buy that.
Thor: Time is now progressing faster within the field.
Carter: They reversed it?
Thor: By a factor of ten squared.
O’Neill: What is with you people? Time machines are nothing but trouble. Even we know that.
O’Neill: We fully expected the other shoe to drop eventually.
Thor: We can only hope this will be the last footwear to fall.
Jonas: This can’t be the only structure on the entire planet.
O’Neill: I’d be willing to bet the bugs ate everything else.
Jonas: Then where are they?
Carter: Sir, you’re not gonna like this.
Jonas: What is it?
Teal’c: This planet’s surface appears to be covered with Replicator blocks.
First: We are inside your conscious mind now.
O’Neill: You’d think there’d be more lights on.
First: This place must be important to you.
O’Neill: I work here.
First: Your iris code is 903224637.
O’Neill: Wow, that’s… close. Here’s one for you. I’m thinking of an animal.
First: I never expected that you would amuse me.
O’Neill: I never expected that you’d put your hand inside my head.
Sight Unseen
Carter: You only saw a flash of this creature. Are you sure it wasn’t some kind of hallucination?
Jonas: Are you suggesting I’m delusional?
O’Neill: No! No. It’s just… possible that you were seeing something that wasn’t entirely…. Yes, that’s what we’re suggesting.
Carter: How are you doing?
Jonas: Oh, well the possibility of my being insane has interfered with my ability to relax.
Vernon: I’m more of an El Camino man myself. Those things are like catnip to the ladies.
O’Neill: Don’t I know it.
Carter: Just what we need: a conspiracy theorist.
Jonas: Who happens to be right about there being a conspiracy.
O’Neill: Look, I know this is a massive cliché, but the place is surrounded.
Vernon: Yeah, you’re telling me. Those monsters are everywhere.
Vernon: So what planet are they from?
O’Neill: Who?
Vernon: The aliens.
O’Neill: Oh. Ah, a place called Melmac.
Vernon: Isn’t that where ALF is from?
O’Neill: Who?
Vernon: ALF, you know, on TV, the puppet.
O’Neill: Never saw it.
Vernon: No kidding?
Smoke & Mirrors
O’Neill: Hey. I’m back. What’d I miss?
Carter: Sir, Senator Kinsey is dead. He was shot.
O’Neill: What?
Jonas: Yeah. It’s been all over the news for three days.
O’Neill: I’ve been on vacation.
Jonas: I know you’ve been on secret missions before. We’re not always privy to the details.
O’Neill: I wasn’t on a mission, Jonas. I was in Minnesota. On vacation.
Teal’c: Did you encounter anyone that can verify your story?
O’Neill: I was twenty miles from the closest town. Alone. That was the point.
Agent Malcolm Barrett: What exactly are you implying here, Major? That the N.I.D. had a hand in the assassination of a U.S. senator?
Carter: Very few organizations have the resources to pull off something like this.
Agent Barrett: And the man accused of the crime happens to be one of them.
Carter: The SGC is not behind this.
Agent Barrett: We spend all of our time trying to protect the world from the Goa’uld. Maybe we should worry a little more about protecting it from ourselves.
Carter: What are we doing out here, Agent Barrett?
Agent Barrett: My office is bugged. It’s standard procedure to record all conversations that take place at N.I.D. Headquarters. What I’m about to tell you, Major, nobody else can know. Especially my superiors.
Carter: What are you talking about?
Agent Barrett: There’s a cancer at the N.I.D. A shadow organization that operates outside the law. It’s time they were exposed for who they really are.
Carter: I agree.
Agent Barrett: The Prometheus incident, that was the last straw. After that I was called to the White House for an assignment.
Carter: What does this have to do with Colonel O’Neill?
Agent Barrett: Senator Kinsey was working for me. He was about to give me enough evidence to bring down the entire leadership of the shadow group.
Carter: How did you convince him to do that?
Agent Barrett: Let’s just say I know about a few of the skeletons in the Senator’s closet. And it is an election year.
Carter: You blackmailed him.
Agent Barrett: I’ll do whatever it takes to bring these people down, Major.
Jonas: How’d you learn how to drive?
Teal’c: Daniel Jackson instructed me.
Jonas: When was that?
Teal’c: I believe the year was 1969.
Jonas: I thought this was about protecting the planet.
Dr. Langham: Well. Nobody said it had to be a non-profit business.
Kinsey (Ronny Cox): The only way you’re going to get public vindication is if the two of us appear on the six o’clock news shaking hands.
O’Neill: Yeah. I’m not sure it’s worth it.
Smile, Colonel. You just won me the election.
Paradise Lost
Maybourne: I helped myself. I hope you don’t mind.
O’Neill: You’re eating my dog.
Maybourne: Want it back?
O’Neill: Would you like a beer to wash it down?
Maybourne: Already got one.
O’Neill: What are you doing here?
Maybourne: I can’t drop by an old friend’s house for a little barbecue?
O’Neill: Well there’s that whole treason thing.
Maybourne: I heard about what happened with Prometheus.
O’Neill: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Maybourne: Oh, nice delivery.
O’Neill: Yeah, I gotta work on that a little.
Maybourne: Well. Thanks for the beer. Nothing I like more than a good weiner.
O’Neill: Yes. You are what you eat.
Teal’c: Are you able to translate any of this, Jonas Quinn?
Jonas: It’s not Ancient, but it’s definitely a language belonging to one of the races of the Ancient alliance.
O’Neill: Nox? Asgard?
Jonas: Furlings.
O’Neill: D’oh! No, not those guys.
Jonas: What?
O’Neill: Oh, I don’t know. I just can’t imagine cute little furry things making big powerful weapons, that’s all.
Jonas: I don’t even know what they look like.
O’Neill: “Furling”. Sounds cute and fuzzy to me.
O’Neill: Carter.
Carter: Colonels.
Maybourne: Major.
O’Neill: Jonas?
O’Neill: We’re gonna need food and drinkable water.
Maybourne: I’ve been drinking the lake straight up.
O’Neill: Well that’s smart.
Maybourne: I’m not dead yet.
O’Neill: It’s early.
Maybourne: You don’t find things a little spooky around here?
O’Neill: Made so only by your presence!
O’Neill: I think you’ve suffered enough. Hell, I even got to shoot you.
Maybourne: Twice.
O’Neill: I think the Tok’ra should be able to find a nice planet for you.
Maybourne: Thanks Jack.
O’Neill: Sure, Harry. Sure.
Metamorphosis
Teal’c: Nirrti is most interested in creating the perfect human host in order to increase her power.
O’Neill: So. She’s at it again.
Carter: No, sir. This is worse.
Dr. Fraiser: Sam’s right. Up to now, Nirrti’s been using Eugenics. Like with Cassandra’s people. Selectively breeding only those that demonstrated specific genetic attributes.
Carter: With a machine that can alter DNA and a population with which to experiment, Nirrti could create a new host or even alter the DNA of her current one.
Jonas: A Goa’uld with the powers of a Hok’taur.
Nirrti: I’m sure you’re aware that a second shot from this weapon will kill.
O’Neill: This weapon kills on the first shot.
Nirrti: Then why haven’t you already fired?
O’Neill: ‘Cause I need you alive.
Nirrti: You?
O’Neill: Yeah. I know, it’s kind of hard to believe.
Nirrti: We have not met.
Jonas: No. But I have heard a lot about you.
Nirrti: You’re not human.
Jonas: I’m human. I’m just not from Earth.
Nirrti: Those three thousand years on another world have changed you more than you know.
Nirrti: I can make you more powerful than you could imagine. The powers you have seen in Wodan and the others are a fraction of what I could give you.
Jonas: Well that is… definitely the most interesting offer I’ve had in a very long time. But you can’t risk giving me those kind of powers unless you’re certain I won’t use them against you.
Nirrti: Once I share those powers we could rule the galaxy. Together.
Jonas: What about everyone else?
Nirrti: Unnecessary.
Jonas: Well. I can only imagine what it would be like to have powers like that. What would I do? I guess the first thing I’d do would be to free my friends and all the other people you have caged up down there. And then I would destroy you. Not necessarily in that order, but you get the idea.
Wodan: We can all be as we were before. Now that you have shown us the truth.
O’Neill: Hail Dorothy. The Wicked Witch is dead. It’s a movie. Margaret Hamilton…
Disclosure
Forsaken
Jonas: Colonel. Major. You have to see this.
O’Neill: Okay. You have to let us know where you are.
Jonas: Right.
O’Neill: You got a name for these guys?
Aden Corso (Martin Cummins): Nothing polite.
Corso: Scouting party. Probably trying to test your firepower.
Lyle Pender: Which isn’t very accurate.
O’Neill: I was trying to wound him.
Corso: You know, my department’s more telling people what to do. “Fly this way,” “fix that.” “Don’t crash.” Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
Corso: You’re an officer in your home world’s military, you’re a scientist, an explorer, and apparently you’re a pretty fair mechanic.
Carter: And I make a mean soufflé.
Jonas: I was just looking for some reference to the ship. It’s a slightly different spelling but it’s basically the same.
Hammond: Is it significant?
Jonas: I’m not sure.
Corso: So what does it mean, Samantha?
Carter: My father wanted a boy.
Hammond: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Earth.
Tanis Reynard: You planted the address?
Quinn: Call it intuition.
Quinn: Well, that, and I’ve always been suspicious of a girl who kisses on the first date.
Captain Warrick Trevor: Colonel, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. But most of all, for trusting.
O’Neill: My pleasure.
The Changeling
Dr. Fraiser: I’ve never heard of a Jaffa fainting before, let alone you.
Teal’c: I did not faint, Dr. Fraiser.
Carter: Sorry Teal’c, but you did. One minute I was talking to you about the upcoming mission and the next you were laying flat on your back.
Carter: Maybe you were just bored with what I was saying. Oh. Fine. On that note I’ll say goodnight.
Dr. Fraiser: Goodnight Sam.
Carter: Prescribe him some warm milk.
Teal’c: My mind was filled with images. Thoughts of me, yet I was not entirely myself.
Dr. Fraiser: Happens to humans all the time.
O’Neill: It’s called dreaming, Teal’c.
Memento
Colonel Ronson: Weapons officer. Prepare to fire on my command.
O’Neill to Teal’c: He’s a weapons officer. You’d think he’d already be prepared.
Teal’c: Indeed.
Ronson: The bridge isn’t exactly where you’re supposed to be during a battle drill.
O’Neill: No. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.
Ronson: Can it wait until we are not in the middle of a drill?
O’Neill: When are we not in the middle of a drill?
Ronson: There’s no redundancy for that particular system.
O’Neill: So you’re saying there’s no redundancy?
Jonas: Wait a minute. If I’m wrong about there being a Stargate on this planet, we’re losing our only means of getting home.
Teal’c: It would appear there is little choice.
Carter: Sir I’ve been scanning for naquadah traces with the ship’s sensors in an effort to determine the location of the Stargate. So far I’ve got nothing.
Teal’c: Could the information on the cartouche be incorrect?
Carter: It hasn’t been wrong yet.
Jonas: If they don’t accept our apology finding the Stargate’s going to be the least of our problems.
Commander Kalfas: They seek the Ring of the Gods.
O’Neill: If that’s what you want to call it. Ring of the Gods is good.
Chairman Ashwan: Please understand, this device you seek—the Stargate. I regret to tell you—
Commander Kalfas: It’s a myth.
Chairman Ashwan: There has never been a shred of evidence to prove its existence.
O’Neill: Have you look around?
Ronson: We will do this little barbecue of yours, but that’s as far as I go. {he storms off}.
O’Neill: Do we… have a barbecue?
Jonas: I don’t care how you try, you can’t erase history. Something has to remain.
Prophecy
Carter: Sir, if we’re right about this and Ba’al no longer has any knowledge of what’s happening on the planet, it’s possible we could free these people. If the System Lords think the planet’s worthless then we wouldn’t have to worry about someone coming in and taking his place.
Hammond: Did they ask for our help?
O’Neill: Mm, not exactly.
O’Neill: So you’re seeing things before they happen.
Jonas: That’s right.
O’Neill: Like what’s for lunch.
Teal’c: We have encountered many strange phenomenon, Jonas Quinn. But I have yet to meet anyone who ca see the future.
Carter: It goes against all the laws of physics as we understand them.
Carter: It’s hard to believe that Yu hasn’t been destroyed yet.
Sina: Given that he is the only System Lord still in opposition to Anubis, his persistence is remarkable.
O’Neill: You go Yu.
Carter: You think Nirrti has something to do with this.
Jonas: It’s very possible. She had me in that gene-splicing machine for over an hour. Maybe she did something to me.
O’Neill: Nirrti never did anything to anyone that didn’t turn out badly.
O’Neill: Are you sure this is what you want?
Villager: It is as the prophecy foretold.
O’Neill: No, screw the prophecy. I need to know that your people are willing to follow through on this.
O’Neill: Excuse me, Miss. How about sending a little of that our way? {the guards collapse} Or not.
Teal’c: Are you still having visions, Jonas Quinn?
Jonas: Not since the surgery, no.
O’Neill: So no lottery numbers? No trip to Vegas just you and me?
Jonas: We changed the wany things played out, which would seem to indicate the future isn’t predetermined. But by doing so we fulfilled an ancient prophecy. A thousand years ago someone in that village predicted that this would happen. Now how do you explain that?
Carter: Maybe it was just a lucky guess.
Full Circle
Jackson: Is that my stuff?
Jonas: You weren’t using it anymore.
Herak: Surrender or die!
O’Neill: I was just gonna say the exact same thing.
Herak: O’Neill. Of SG-1.
O’Neill: Hey, how’re you doing? You’ll have to forgive me, I’m terrible with names. What was—
Herak: I am Herak.
O’Neill: Congratulations. Failing upwards, I see.
I will speak with my master.
O’Neill: Yes. You do that. Don’t forget to tell him you screwed up again.
Jonas: Is it really necessary to further antagonize him?
O’Neill: Yes.
Anubis: I know who you are, Daniel Jackson. But you know not who I am.
Jackson: The Goa’uld Anubis used to be figured out how to ascend.
Teal’c: He was believed to have been dead for quite some time.
Jackson: The others didn’t want him.
Jonas: Well that’s understandable.
Jackson: They sent him back. At least they tried. But not all the way.
Carter: What is he now?
Jackson: He’s still some form of energy.
Skaara: I wish you well, O’Neill. You will not see me again. At least not for awhile.