Flesh and Blood
Colonel Emerson: Why would the first wave just leave us behind? They had to know there were survivors.
Mitchell: They need witnesses. Their goal is not to kill us all, it’s to convert us. Their wish is to go forth and tell everybody how they kicked our asses.
Carter hanging out in open space: I don’t know what you can see from your vantage point or what your sensors are picking up, but from out here that mothership is pretty badly damaged. I would be surprised if they were weapons capable.
Emerson: Thanks Sam.
Mitchell: They haven’t fired yet.
Morpheus
Landry: You can’t cram for a psychiatric evaluation.
Vala: That’s what they want you to think.
Dr. Hutchinson: Vala. I’m Dr. Hutchinson. Have a seat. So, how are you feeling?
Vala: Very well. Very well. Well you know all things considered. I mean you’d assume I’d be a prime candidate for acculturation difficulty, enduring feelings of displacement and alienation. Perhaps even a little paranoid ideation. The truth is I was able to adopt an abstract attitude, which allowed me to release some of my repressed feelings, ultimately providing me with a cathartic actualization. How are you feeling?
About Vala taking the lie detector test
Hutchinson: Try to relax. an aside You’re looking very nice today.
Vala: Oh. Thank you. You’re looking rather dashing yourself.
Hutchinson: Thanks. realizes the detector is signaling a false answer. So does Vala.
Vala: I mean, nice. no change. I mean, not objectionable.
Woolsey: I’m assuming things didn’t go well.
Vala: I fail to see the point of that ridiculous exercise. Unless its purpose was to thoroughly humiliate me. Those questions weren’t intended to shed light on my character or delve deeply into my subconscience. They were merely little reminders as to exactly why I don’t belong here.
Woolsey: Then I take it you’ve carefully considered our offer and come to a decision.
Vala: I have.
Vala: As my first official act I’d like to report a rather disagreeable little man.
Woolsey: That’d be me.
Landry: Mr. Woolsey’s offer was part of the test. We wanted to make sure we could trust you.
Vala: I knew that. But were his sexual advances part of the test?
Woolsey: What? That’s a— General, I can assure you—
Vala: Well, I would have even considered playing along, but some of his requests were, well, a little unusual. Even for me.
The Pegasus Project
Rodney McKay: You may need me.
Vala: Colonel Carter said as much.
Carter: Oo. We weren’t going to tell him that.
Mitchell: I gotta tell you, Sheppard, it’s a nice place you got here.
John Sheppard: Thanks. We just painted. Well, good luck. And listen, if McKay gives you a hard time just—
Mitchell: Shoot him.
Sheppard: Also, he’s mortally allergic to citrus.
Mitchell: Really?
Sheppard: I keep one with me at all times. Just a comfort to know it’s there.
Jackson: You chose your words very carefully when you said the first “human” to set foot in the city. What about ascended beings? {silence from the Archives} You’re not really a hologram, are you?
The Archive: You have your answer, Daniel Jackson. I suggest you act on it.
Dr. Weir: Dr. Jackson. Hi. Who are you talking to?
Jackson: Well I don’t know what she’s calling her self these days, but at one point in history her name was Morgan la Fey.
Dr. Weir: Morgan la Fey was here?
Jackson: Posing as a hologram, yes.
Teal’c: I was able to keep the Stargate concealed until the last moment and lure the Ori vessel into the unstable vortex of the Supergate when the jump occurred.
Carter: You mean we just blew up an Ori ship?
McKay: By destroying a Wraith ship.
Teal’c: Indeed we did.
Insiders
Ba’al: At last. The welcoming committee.
Mitchell: Has he said anything?
Landry: Only that he won’t talk to anybody but SG-1.
Carter: Lucky us.
Landry: Franky I’m inclined to let him rot.
Mitchell: That’s all right, sir. We’ll talk to him. After all he did come all this way.
Teal’c: You are suggesting that Ba’al attempted to gain control of the council in order to gain acess to the Ancient device.
Vala: With the purpose of wiping out all life in the galaxy except his own little corner, of course.
Mitchell: That was Anubis’ plan.
Ba’al: I never said it was original.
Dr. Lee: We managed to activate the tracking system on the al’kesh and this is what we got.
Mitchell: Those are the Ba’als?
Dr. Lee: More like dots.
Landry: You don’t think you can control her?
Mitchell: Sir, I know I can’t control her, but that’s pretty much par for the course. Sir, Carter and I are the same rank, Teal’c’s an alien, Jackson’s a civilian. I learned a long time ago I don’t control anything.
Landry: Who does.
Uninvited
Landry: Checkmate.
Mitchell: Yup. Too good for me, sir.
Landry: Pandering to the ego of a senior officer, Mitchell?
Mitchell: No. Truthfully I always hated the game. If you happen to have Playstation I will happily kick your ass at Socom 3.
Landry: I believe in you, Colonel.
Mitchell: Thank you sir.
Landry: But we’re getting our asses kicked.
Mitchell: Yes we are.
Landry: We’re not going to get medals for participation.
Mitchell: No sir.
Landry: We win or die.
Mitchell: I prefer winning.
Mitchell: Maybe I’m not the only one around here who needs to relax.
Landry: I’ll try not to shoot you before morning.
Mitchell: Thank you sir.
Mitchell: You’re a powerful Air Force General. You could requisition a chopper.
Landry: We don’t use helicopters for our own personal transportation.
Mitchell: Right sir.
Landry: Besides, I already checked. There wasn’t one available.
Landry: The last thing we need is for this place to turn into the O.K. Corral.
Mitchell: Or a vice presidential bird hunt.
Trust Minion: I know what a Goa’uld is.
Mitchell: Do you know you’re working for one? That’s who’s running the Trust these days.
Carter: Holy Hannah! Did you see that thing?
Colonel Reynolds: You think we scared it off now?
Mitchell: No, I think we pissed it off.
200
Counterstrike
Landry: Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.”
Walter Harriman: Right. Patton?
Landry: That one’s Dr. Phil.
Jackson: You’re making a big mistake. More Ori ships will be here soon.
Jaffa: Then they will suffer the same fate.
Adria offscreen: I think not. {She uses telekinetic powers to strangle him}
Vala: Adria?
Adria: Hello, Mother.
Vala: Listen, we’re not rejoining the fleet. You’re coming with me.
Adria: No. I can’t abandon my army.
Vala: It’s not your army.
Adria: Of course it is.
Vala: Well as your mother I’m putting my foot down. You’re too young to have your own army.
Se’tak: We are the ones dying by the thousands.
Landry: And yet you choose to test your new toy on a human world. Not on one of the dozen Jaffa planets that have fallen to the Ori. Why is that exactly?
Se’tak: This discussion is over.
Bra’tac: She displays the wisdom of a battle-seasoned warrior.
Jackson: She’s a mother. Close enough.
Memento Mori
Three Weeks Earlier
Trust Minion: How are you feeling?
Vala: A little dizzy. A little tired. And very very angry.
Trust Minion: That’s because the flashbacks you’re experiencing are dredging up some long-buried emotions that may be coloring your subconscious mind.
Vala: I’m going to kill both of you in the most painful way possible.
Sal (Don Stark): I’m Sal, the owner.
Vala: Sal the owner. Of Sol’s Diner?
Sal (Don Stark): Yeah. Sol was the original owner. I bought the place from him. So, how was lunch?
Vala: Delicious.
Sal (Don Stark): Delicious enough to pay for it?
Vala: Yes! If I had the money, I would certainly have paid for the meal. And given the lovely waitress a sizeable gratuity.
Vala: What’s this?
Landry: Let’s just call it a Welcome Back present.
Vala: These are—
Landry: Team badges. You’re now officially a member of SG-1.
Carter: Congratulations. You earned it.
Company of Thieves
Officer: Colonel, what happened? You’ve been gone for hours. {he notices} Where’s Colonel Emerson? {Carter shakes her head}
Anateo: Dr. Jackson. Vala. Just wanted to let you know that your duplicity has already forfeited Colonel Carter’s life. Unless you surrender immediately, the rest of the crew is next.
Tenat: Shield failure is imminent. Damn you, Cam Mitchell!
The Quest : Part One
Villager: I should warn you. No one has ever returned from the quest alive. If you value your lives, you would do well to reconsider.
Mitchell: We appreciate that, but that is quitter talk.
Barmaid: Are you certain I cannot tempt you with a final meal?
Mitchell: What is it with this town and a no-can-do attitude? Every time we turn around someone’s trying to write us off or scare us away.
Barmaid: I apologize. I should have said, “A final meal before you set off on your journey.”
Mitchell: Well, that’s better.
Barmaid: Although it need be said that in the many thousands of years that adventurers have been seeking the Sangraal, not one has succeeded.
Vala: The key is to be as inconspicuous and non-threatening as possible. If you like I could take Daniel.
Jackson: We should probably prepare to return fire.
Officer: For the record, I’m always prepared. I just have to press this button here.
Jackson: Right. I just, I thought that’s what you’re supposed to say.
Officer: I know.
Villager: I should warn you. No one has ever returned from the quest alive. If you value your lives, you would do well to reconsider.
Mitchell: We appreciate that, but that is quitter talk.
Mitchell: Look, I know you have no reason to trust us anymore than you do those guys.
Barmaid: I have not seen you shoot anyone.
Mitchell: That’s an excellent point. We’re gonna need your help.
Mitchell: You should come with us.
Barmaid: My place is here. I’ll be fine. {Mitchell hesitates}. I’ll blame everything on you.
Mitchell: Good plan.
Carter: You’ve had the alien database for months. Why did it take you so long to get here?
Ba’al: I can’t think clearly on an empty stomach.
Osrick: This is it! The cave entrance. The Sangraal is located within.
Mitchell: It’s too bad you won’t be coming with us.
Ba’al: I thought I made it clear: you need me.
Mitchell: I wasn’t talking to you.
Ba’al: Oh. Well, ah, allow me to get out of your line of fire.
Ba’al: He’s tiny. He can squeeze through the bars.
Teal’c: Assist us. Or I will squeeze you through these bars.
Adria: Taking your life would be a waste of my time.
Ba’al: Which I suppose would be put to better use complaining.
Carter: Ugh. Geez, why don’t you two just get a room?
The Quest : Part Two
Ba’al: Looks like Merlin’s drawbridge no longer goes all the way across the moat if you catch my meaning.
Prior: And what of the village?
Adria: Have they agreed to accept the teachings of Origin?
Prior: No.
Adria: Then burn it.
Merlin: I have lived many lifetimes. First Atlantis then on Earth. Before the dawn of your civilization. The I joined the ranks of the Ascended. And finally I returned to mortal form to live out my remaining days among the noblemen of Arthur’s court. Or, so I thought. And through all these eons only one thing stayed the same. There is never enough time.
Ba’al: Merlin’s little trick with my vocal cords expired at the same moment he did.
Teal’c: Yet another reason to mourn his passing.
Carter: I’m sorry. Are you dismissing my idea of out hand because I’m human. Or because I’m a woman?
Ba’al: A little of both, I suppose.
Ba’al: I know where you come from you’re considered relatively intelligent, but by galactic standards that’s not really saying much. wouldn’t you agree? {Carter punches him}.
Carter: You know, if you’re not going to help then you’re really not much use to us. And if you’re not much use to us then there’s really no point in keeping you alive any longer. wouldn’t you agree?
Ba’al: I’d, ah, be delighted to help.
Carter: Great to hear.
Line in the Sand
Thilana: For years my ancestors were forced to record the true history of my people in secret. Beyond the eyes of the Goa’uld. This room now houses their legacy. It seemed appropriate you do your work here.
Carter: I’m flattered.
Colonel Reynolds watching the village disappear: We do the craziest job in the world.
Matar: Perhaps we should consider heeding the Prior’s wishes.
Thilana: No! I will not stand by while we are once again subjugated into serving false gods. We must stand our ground.
Mitchell: Have you ever fired a gun before?
Matar: No.
Mitchell: All right. Blank stares aren’t gonna cut it this time.
Ori Soldier: What just happened? How did that building disappear?
Vala: Perhaps it was the will of the gods.
Tomin: Why are you still wearing the clothes of a blasphemer?
Vala: If I put on this dress, and say, “Hallowed are the Ori” will you stop mass-murdering innocent people?
Thilana: No god should ever ask you to kill an innocent man to prove your sanctity. I know you’re afraid. We are all. But if we are going to die, let us die in noble peace and truth of spirit.
The Road Not Taken
Major Lorne: I’m not quite sure how to explain this, sir, but there’s been an accident. It’s Sam. She claims she’s not the Major Carter we know.
Hammond: What’s that supposed to mean?
Major Lorne: She says she’s from a parallel universe.
Carter: There must be some reason why I was brought here, of all places. I need to know what was happening in that lab.
Major Lorne: I’m not authorized to give you that information.
Carter: Maybe I could talk to Daniel. Is he here?
Major Lorne: Dr. Jackson was captured by the forces of the Ori several weeks ago.
Carter: Okay. What about Colonel Mitchell? Cameron Mitchell.
Major Lorne: The 302 pilot, went down over Antarctica?
Carter: That’s right. Is he here?
Major Lorne: I have no idea where he is. The last I heard he quit the military.
Carter: Teal’c? Vala?
Major Lorne: Teal’c went back to the Jaffa several years ago, and if you’re talking about Vala Mal Doran, I hate to break it to you but she is currently occupying a cell at Area 51. Care to take a stab at anyone else?
Dr. Lee: Major Carter was developing a process by which we could extract energy from parallel universes.
Carter: And you knew about this?
Major Lorne: Knowing and understanding are two totally different things.
Hammond: Three years ago, the Goa’uld System Lord Anubis launched an attack on Earth. We had no choice but to reveal the existence of the Stargate program to the world.
Major Lorne: People panicked. THere was rioting in the streets. The President had to declare martial law.
Hammond: The diplomatic fallout was even worse.
Carter: I feel like an imposter, sir. I mean these people think I’m Major Samantha Carter.
President Landry: That won’t be a problem anymore. We’re promoting you.
Carter: That’s not the point, sir.
Carter: I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have come.
Mitchell: Oh no. You wanted to see it for yourself. The price of sticking up for your principals. Take a good look.
Carter: The Rodney I know is a master of subtle persuasion.
McKay: Hm. You’re lying again, aren’t you?
The Shroud
Richard Woolsey (Robert Picardo): I assure you, this may be the hardest decision I ever make. But I take full repsonsiblity for it. Based on my recommendation, the IOA has proposed to the President that Daniel Jackson’s life be terminated. Immediately.
Landry: If it makes you feel any better, I still worry sometimes too. About you.
O’Neill: Thank you, sir.
Landry: Don’t mention it.
Bounty
Vashin: It’s the third transport they’ve hit. Our supply of kasa is getting dangerously low.
Netan: This isn’t about kasa. This is about them trying to make me look weak. I can’t allow them to interfere with our operations any longer. Put the word out. As of this moment, I’m placing a bounty on their heads.
Teal’c: Are you injured?
Cha’ra: No. But you are.
Bounty Hunter: Should have taken my first offer, Dr. Jackson. It would have been far less painf— {she gets hit by a bus}
Landry: Sounds like you two are having a hell of a time.
Mitchell: Oh yeah. Me and Daisy, we’re livin’ large.
Darrell Grimes: What department did you say you work in again?
Vala: Accounts. Receivable.
Amy Vandenberg: Where’s your date?
Mitchell: My date? Vala is over there plotting my death with Wally Valesko.
Darrell: Would you like a little refreshment? Moonshine. {Vala looks confused} It’s flammable.
Mitchell: Wow. Big bad bounty hunter after little old me. I’m flattered.
Odai Ventrell (Mike Dopud): You’re just the bait.
Netan: Well done. You saved my life. You will be richly rewarded.
Ventrell: I know I will. But not for saving you.
Bad Guys
Cicero (Joshua Malina): I’m published dozens of papers, written a book. No one listens. My colleagues think I’m a bit of a joke.
Vala: Look Daniel, you’ve found a kindred spirit.
Sylvana: Oh please. You’re not rebels. We’re not deaf you know. Everyone in this room knows it.
Jackson: That doesn’t matter. You’re hostages! We’re your captors. We’re heavily armed. There’s rules. There’s a whole school of etiquette to this. Don’t eyeball me.
Talion
Landry: I already issued a new memo to all teams to consider the investigation a top priority.
Mitchell: I don’t think a memo’s going to cut it as far as Teal’c’s concerned, sir.
Landry: I take it you tried to talk him out of leaving.
Mitchell: Yes sir. Like sticking my foot out to trip a freight train. I can’t say that I blame him, sir.
Landry: I don’t either. He’s here of his own free will. He can leave if he wants to.
Lizan: Don’t expect me to shed a tear for you and your kind. I don’t care what you and your friends from the Tau’ri have done. You Jaffa enslaved my people for generations. And don’t tell me you were only following orders for your masters. You lived like kings compared to us. And don’t think I will soon forget.
Colonel Reynolds: It seems Arkad is planning a fairly major play to impress his new friends. Word floating around that this naquadah is being stockpiled in various locations for use by Arkad. In a coordinated attack on Earth.
Ba’kal: Where are you going?
Teal’c: I am leaving. You are about to explode.
Arkad: It’s a shame Teal’c is not here. We have not had the pleasure of seeing each other in many years.
Landry: We couldn’t guarantee your safety if he was here.
Landry: Let’s cut the crap. We all know you’re here for one reason. Make your demands.
Arkad: I have no demands. I understand your mistrust. Please, I implore you, believe me when I say I will use all of my vast resources at my disposal to thwart this most heinous threat to your world. All I ask in return is to allow the Jaffa people to believe in what they choose.
Landry: If he succeeds in killing Arkad—even if he tries and fails—it will be hard to convince people that he was acting alone.
Carter: So you want us to try and stop him.
Landry: The IOA is adamant that Earth and specifically the SGC take no action against Arkad. I’ve been charged with ordering you to find Teal’c. And stop him at all costs.
Arkad: It’s a shame you won’t live to see me bring the Tau’ri to their knees.
Bra’tac: There is a time when you have come away from such a battle without a scratch.
Teal’c: I am alive.
Bra’tac: Indeed.
Family Ties
Mitchell to Siler: They cancelled it? Really? I didn’t even know a new season had started.
Jacek (Fred Willard): Sweetheart! How is life treating you?
Vala: Certainly better than you ever did.
Carter: Arkad is dead.
Jacek: Well he may be dead, but the threat he set in motion still exists. Take your time, there’s no pressure. It’s just that your whole planet could very well blow up at any moment.
Jacek: Hug for Daddy?
Vala: You’re lucky I’m not allowed to kill you.
Jacek: Having second thoughts?
Vala: No. I think the door is locked.
Teal’c: May I offer you a word of advice?
Jacek: Any input that would help me better myself would be greatly appreciated.
Teal’c: Perhaps three words: be less annoying.
Jacek: I’ve got tickets to this “Virginia Dialogues” show.
Dominion
Vala: I thought this was an honest establishment.
Gambler: It is. And that’s why it’s necessary to have you searched. {chips fall out of her sleeves}
Vala: I don’t suppose we could call this even?
Vala: I did not expect to see you again.
Adria: I had to return, mother. My work here is unfinished.
Gambler: Who is this?
Vala: You really don’t want to know.
Adria: What are you doing here? Where are your friends from Earth?
Vala: Friends come and go.
Adria: Return with me to my ship and take up your rightful place as the mother of the Orisi.
Vala: Adria, stop it. I am not your mother. I may have given birth to you but we are not family. So stop pretending.
Adria: You just need time to think about it. We will talk further on our way.
Mitchell: Bigger question is, what does Ba’al want with Adria?
Teal’c: Perhaps he intends to negotiate for shared control of the galaxy.
Landry: She doesn’t strike me as the sharing type.
Mitchell: Either way, we do not want those two hanging out together.
Landry: How’s Vala?
Mitchell: Pissed.
Landry: Is somebody going to fill her in?
Mitchell: Absolutely. Just not us.
Ba’al to Adria: You’re so much more pleasant when you lack the ability to snap my neck with your thoughts.
Vala: It’s over Adria.
Adria: I’m afraid you’re mistaken. Adria’s no longer available. {her eyes glow}
Landry: What do we do now?
Teal’c: Kill them both.
Mitchell: Hard to argue with that logic. It’s a two-fer.
Adria: So. Have you decided what you intend to do with me?
Mitchell: Well we’re still weighing our options. Teal’c here had a good idea.
Ba’al/Adria: I can imagine.
Teal’c: No. You cannot.
Adria: It takes a great deal of effort to suppress a consciousness this powerful. The Tok’ra don’t have the strength. Not to mention the fact that I’ll kill Adria the moment you try to remove me.
Mitchell: Well that’s great. We can live with that.
Adria: Perhaps. But remember, I am sharing Adria’s mind. You would lose all access to the knowledge I possess.
Mitchell: For example?
Adria: For one thing, I can confirm the Ori are dead. And that’s just the beginning.
Adria: I need time to prepare.
Vala: Prepare for what?
Adria: Ascension.
Unending
Thor: General, with your permission a number of Asgard are prepared to beam aboard immediately, to begin installing various technological upgrades to the ship.
Mitchell: I hope it’s rayguns. I’ve got rayguns in the pool.
Landry: What is you’re planning on giving us?
Thor: Everything we have.
Jackson: Why are you doing this? You always resisted in the past, you always said we weren’t ready.
Thor: Indeed. Many Asgard still believe that.
Mitchell: So what’s changed?
Thor: As a race, we are dying. Very soon we will all be gone.
Carter: I promise we will do our very best not to let you down.
Thor: You are the Fifth Race. Your role is clear. If there is any hope in preserving the future, it lies with you and your people.
Carter: No pressure, huh?
Thor: You have earned my respect and my friendship.
Carter: The feeling’s mutual.
Carter: Thanks to the Asgard technology, we are in a time dilation bubble. While time may appear to be passing at a normal rate fr us, in fact years will pass inside the bubble while only fractions of a second pass outside the field.
Landry: You won’t need that much time I hope.
Carter: Hopefully not.
Mitchell: Come on, sir. It’s like a bad joke. We have stranded ourselves here trying to save something we can’t use.
Landry: I’m not having this conversation again.
Landry: Dial it up, Walter.
Harriman: Yes sir.
Carter: You know, as hard as it is for us not knowing, it must be torture for you not to tell us.
Teal’c: Indeed.
Harriman: Chevron Seven is locked.
Landry: Good luck, SG-1.
Mitchell: Just another everyday mission to save the galaxy, sir.
Everyone: Indeed.
Landry: God speed.