Seth
Jacob: So. You guys are the talk of the Tok’ra water cooler.
O’Neill: For what?
Jacob: Kickin’ some major Hathor behind.
O’Neill: Yes, we do take pride in good work. But that’s not why you’re here.
Jacob: We need your help.
Carter: You need our help? With what?
Jacob: Let’s just call it an old hunt.
Jackson: Well I’m guessing we haven’t even scratched the surface on meeting all the Goa’uld System Lords. There’s probably thousands we haven’t even heard of, right?
Jacob: Only dozens in the ranks of System Lords. Thousands of Goa’ulds in general.
Carter: What makes you think we would have met this one?
Jacob: The Tok’ra council has been taking a Goa’uld census of sorts. Where the System Lords have positioned themselves, what domain they rule. Who serves under them, that sort of thing. But there’s one Goa’uld we’ve lost track of.
O’Neill: Seth.
Jacob: Our record of him ends when Earth’s gate was buried in ancient Egypt
Carter: Are you saying he never left?
Jacob: That’s our theory. We think he still might be here. Hiding among Earth’s people.
Selmak: Your father has an unresolved issue on this planet and frankly it’s beginning to irritate me.
Carter: Mark.
Selmak: Yes. Your father is a proud man. He refuses to seek out your brother and mend their relationship.
Carter: Yeah. Well, Mark isn’t exactly rushing into my father’s arms either. Even when we thought Dad was going to die he didn’t return my call.
Selmak: It hurt your father deeply that his son did not come to his deathbed. Now why would it hurt? As far as I was concerned the kid wasn’t my son anymore. It didn’t hurt a bit.
O’Neill: AK47. Couple Uzis. Anyone think they observed the requisite fifteen day waiting period for those weapons?
Carter: Sir, their sidearms. I think it’s safe to say there’s a Goa’uld there. And it looks like a pair of 50-cals.
O’Neill: Does the concept of overkill mean anything to anybody?
Fair Game
Hammond: Before we finish today, I have one other small bit of business. Please come to attention. “From the Vice Chief of Staff of the Air Force. In recognition of Captain Samantha Carter’s outstanding work I hereby authorize her immediate promotion to the rank of Major.”
Hammond: It is with great pleasure that I bestow upon you the responsibilities, the respect, and the rank of Major.
Carter: Thank you, sir.
O’Neill: Well done. Major.
Carter about the System Lords: I just hate having them here.
O’Neill: Major. I hate having them anywhere.
Carter: I still don’t think Teal’c would do this.
O’Neill: Well neither do I, but the case against him just got a little more interesting, don’t you think?
Jackson: Hathor had the ability to appear and disappear.
O’Neill: Okay, she’s dead. {silence} Right? Please, tell me she’s dead.
Carter: Uh, yeah.
Teal’c: I did not attack Kronos.
Jackson: Well we believe you, Teal’c. But I don’t think anyone else is going to.
O’Neill: Certainly not those lying, scheming, no good, slimy, overdressed style mongers—
Carter: Sir. I’d like to try something.
O’Neill: I wasn’t finished.
Carter: We can’t prove anything, sir. All we know for sure is that Nirrti lied.
O’Neill: Kronos doesn’t know that. Nirrti doesn’t know what else we know.
Jackson: Which is nothing.
O’Neill: Quiet. But she doesn’t know we know nothing.
Hammond: What are you suggesting?
O’Neill: I’m just saying maybe it’s time we take a page out of the Asgard book on dealing with these Goa’ulds.
Jackson: You’re gonna bluff?
Hammond: Sounds risky, Colonel.
O’Neill: Yes sir.
Legacy
Jackson: Sam, you’ve got four of those things in you.
Carter: I know that, but I feel fine.
O’Neill: You’re not seeing or hearing any of this stuff?
Carter: No. Sir, I feel completely normal. Somehow I must be immune.
Learning Curve
Merrin: You aren’t a scientist?
O’Neill: Oh no.
Merrin: Then you are not as smart as Major Carter and Dr. Fraiser.
O’Neill: Well it depends on…. Okay, no. I’m not. But while they were stuck in school I was out doing other things. Like having fun. You do know what fun is, don’t you? Okay. Ah. Fun is what you do to make yourself happy. Like music games. It’s whatever you do when you’re not learning to be a rocket scientist.
Merrin: I am here to teach Major Carter about the reactor.
Carter: Sounds like fun to me.
Carter: Draw me your reactor core. Give me an idea of what it looks like.
Merrin: I don’t draw.
Carter: You don’t draw? Everyone draws.
Merrin: No. It is not something I am required to do. I have never had to draw before.
Carter: Oh. Well, it’s pretty easy.
O’Neill: Alright, Carter. You sleep. {to Merrin} Young lady, if not sleep: fun.
Point of View
Deadman Switch
Carter: Sir, he’s not Goa’uld.
O’Neill: And? But? So? Therefore?
Aris Boch: Dr. Jackson. If you don’t mind treating my wound.
Jackson: I’m an archaeologist.
Aris Boch: I know. But you’re also a doctor.
Jackson: Of archaeology.
Aris Boch: Never mind. Captain! You must have some medical training.
Carter: Actually, I’m a Major now.
Aris Boch: Oh. Well how very important. I’ll inform the galaxy.
Aris Boch: I give to the Goa’uld what they want and they give back to me what I want in return.
Carter: How do you keep from getting killed?
Aris Boch: Takes talents.
O’Neill: So. How do you keep from getting killed?
Aris Boch: Poison. That’s very un-Goa’uld-like. Why would he do that?
Carter: To save the lives of other Tok’ra.
Aris Boch: Since when does a Goa’uld care about another Goa’uld?
Carter: I told you, the Tok’ra are not the same.
Demons
Rules of Engagement
Captain Rogers: We study long and hard and know much.
Carter: About Earth?
Captain Rogers: Oh yes. Corn and cotton are indigenous to North America.
O’Neill: That information could save your life one day.
Carter: Sir?
O’Neill: Just a huge, honkin’ Apophis, Major. Nothing to worry about.
Forever in a Day
Carter: We were on P8X-873. We were freeing the Abydonians whom the Goa’uld had taken as slaves.
O’Neill: Kasuf sent for us.
Jackson: Sha’re was there.
Carter: Yeah.
O’Neill: She’s dead, Daniel. I’m sorry.
Jackson: How?
Teal’c: It is I who am responsible. I was forced to fire upon and terminate the life of Sha’re. Although I assure you, it was done only to save your life.
Jackson: No.
Carter: No?
Jackson: No. They have a sarcophagus. Her guards put her in the sarcophagus. She’s out there somewhere alive.
Past and Present
Carter: Well, still don’t detect anything out of the ordinary, sir. Neither did the MALP. I think we’re okay.
O’Neill: The MALP is worthless. You I’ll trust.
Carter: What can you tell us about her?
Ke’ra: That she was somewhat of an apothecary. And that she did not survive the Vorlix.
O’Neill: How do you know that?
Ke’ra: The bodies of an elder woman and man were discovered some days later in a building destroyed by explosion. The only remains of our elders we have found. We deduced the male must have been Dr. Zervis. And the female matches what little description he gave in his notes of the visitor.
Teal’c: What is the name of this elder woman?
Ke’ra: It is mentioned… here, yes. She calls herself Linea.
O’Neill: I was just thinking about amnesia. Doesn’t quite track with Linea’s nickname.
Teal’c: Destroyer of Worlds.
O’Neill: Yeah. That one.
Carter: Well actually in a sick way it sort of does. I mean Ke’ra said herself that their society was on the verge of collapse despite their efforts. This world was in trouble, sir.
Teal’c: Perhaps Linea was experimenting with other ways in which to destroy worlds.
O’Neill: Variety being the spice of life and all.
Carter: I’ve been studying Linea’s journals. Apparently she found a link between dargol—that’s a chemical pesticide the Vyans used—and longevity.
O’Neill: What’s a bug spray have to do with longevity?
Carter: Well it seems it was having the effect of slowing the aging process. Not in an extreme way, but certainly significant enough.
O’Neill: Lucky bugs.
Carter: Yes and no. They stopped using it over twenty years ago. It was adversely affecting their fertility rate.
O’Neill: So no kids.
Carter: Right.
Carter: What if there really was a laboratory accident. Some massive chain reaction of enhanced Dargol gas that caught even Linea by surprise? The entire population becomes young again overnight. You realize of course the implication.
O’Neill: No.
Carter: Their elders aren’t missing, sir. They are the elders.
Carter: I think we have to at least face the possibility: Ke’ra is Linea.
Jolinar’s Memories
Gate Tech: Receiving GDO transmission. It’s the Tok’ra, sir.
O’Neill: Open the iris. {to Sam} Maybe it’s dad.
Carter: Maybe.
Carter: It’s my father.
Martouf (J.R. Bourne): I’m afraid he’s been captured by Sokar.
Carter: Oh my god.
Martouf: As far as we know, he is still alive.
Carter: As far as you know?
Martouf: You are familiar with the way Sokar has assumed the persona of the entity on Earth known as the Devil?
O’Neill: Yeah. Bit pretentious, don’t you think?
Martouf: You must understand when I say that, if Selmak is still alive, he has been sent to Hell.
O’Neill: As in?
Martouf: A place of eternal suffering and damnation, from which there is no return.
O’Neill: So we’re talking about a rescue mission here?
Martouf: Unfortunately to our knowledge, no one has ever escaped Ne’tu.
O’Neill: Oh.
Martouf: No one except for Jolinar.
Carter: Oh.
Jacob: Am I dreaming?
Carter: No. No, we’re real.
Jacob: Are you crazy?
O’Neill: Apparently.
The Devil You Know
Apophis: You used this to access the memories of Jolinar left in your mind. That is the only way you could have known how to escape. I will use it to get you to tell me everything you want to know.
Carter: It doesn’t work that way.
Apophis: I know how it works. When it’s fully activated it makes your memories easily accessible to your conscious mind.
Martouf: I knew it was you.
Carter: You shouldn’t have done it, Martouf.
Martouf: I couldn’t watch him kill you, Samantha.
Carter realizing: You lied.
Foothold
Carter: This is Major Samantha Carter. We have a foothold situation.
Maybourne (Tom McBeath): Major Carter? Where are you?
Carter: I can’t tell you that, sir.
Maybourne: Major, you’re way outside your chain of command.
Carter: I have reason to believe that may be compromised, sir.
Maybourne: Understood.
Maybourne: So. You came to the one person you don’t trust.
Carter: I don’t know how far up the chain of command the infiltration goes. It may well be contained within the SGC, but if General Hammond was compromised—
Maybourne: He sounded fine to me on the phone.
Carter: What?
Maybourne: He called me, Major. Calm down. He’s concerned for you, that’s all.
Carter: I told you we had a foothold situation.
Maybourne: Major, a chemical spill causing paranoid delusion is infinitely more plausible to me than aliens taking over the SGC.
Carter: My god. You don’t think I can tell the difference between the two? What was I thinking—
O’Neill: Oh hi, Carter.
Carter: Maybourne you are an idiot every day of the week. Why couldn’t you have just taken one day off?
O’Neill: Hello.
Carter: Colonel?
O’Neill: Yes.
Carter: It’s you?
O’Neill: Yes.
Carter: It’s good to see you. Oh my god. I figured they had to be keeping you alive to access your mind—
O’Neill: Woah! Hey. Who are you?
Carter: Sir? Oh! Sorry.
Davis: Major Carter?
O’Neill: Oh. Well in that case, it’s good to see you too.
O’Neill: Maybourne? How’d he get—?
Carter: I called him.
O’Neill: Willingly?
Carter: How did you two get free?
Davis: We just woke up.
Carter: It must have happened when I killed you.
O’Neill: I’m sorry?
Maybourne: What happened?
Carter: They self-destructed.
Teal’c: Their destruction appears to be complete.
Carter: That’s a lot of damage.
O’Neill: Coat of paint. Little touch-up. It’ll be fine.
Hammond: Appreciate your help in this matter, Maybourne.
Maybourne: Credit Major Carter. I do.
Pretense
Carter: So you built that Stargate?
Narim: Yes.
Jackson: Way smarter than we are.
O’Neill: Ours is bigger.
Carter: I thought the Nox were pacificists.
Lya: I only hid the weapon. I did not fire it.
Carter: Ah. Pretty fine line you didn’t cross.
Lya: Yes it is.
Urgo
Carter: The probe indicates sustainable atmosphere. The temperature’s seventy-eight degrees fahrenheit, barometric pressure is normal.
Jackson: No obvious signs of civilization.
Carter: P4X-884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.
Teal’c: Appearances may be deceiving.
O’Neill: One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor.
Jackson: A fool’s paradise is a wise man’s hell.
O’Neill: Never run with scissors.
Carter: General, we just left. We went through the Gate and we came back… here.
Hammond: Major you’ve been gone over fifteen hours.
Jackson: Wow. This coffee’s great.
Carter: I was just thinking that.
O’Neill: Is that cinnamon?
Jackson: It’s chickory.
O’Neill: Chickory. {Teal’c grabs the pot and downs the rest of the coffee}
Carter: Teal’c?
O’Neill: Isn’t that hot?
Teal’c: Extremely.
O’Neill: Carter?
Carter: The technology implanted in our brains, sir. We’re looking at some sort of visual communication interface. Controlled hallucination.
O’Neill: So… I… What?
Urgo: He gets confused. By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen?
Carter: I don’t have time to play, Urgo. I don’t care if I’m “it”.
Carter: I was just talking to Urgo, sir.
Hammond: I see.
Carter: Oh… I wish you did.
A Hundred Days
Hammond: That was our last shot, people. I’m calling this one. As of of right now I’m officially declaring him missing in action.
Teal’c: General Hammond, perhaps Edora could be reached by another means.
Jackson: That’s right, the Tok’ra could send a ship.
Carter: Or the Tollan.
Fraiser: You working through the night again?
Carter: Yeah. A lot of work to do.
Fraiser: Look Sam, there’s no doubt you are going to solve this, but you have to accept the fact that it’s going to take time.
Carter: Yeah, well if I think that way it could take months.
Fraiser: Daniel says the Tollan could have a ship in the vicinity of Edora sometime early next year.
Carter: He shouldn’t have to wait that long.
Fraiser: You miss him.
Carter: Yeah.
Fraiser: Is this a problem?
Carter: No. No, of course not.
Fraiser: Okay.
Carter: Teal’c you’ll need to secure yourself above the event horizon as soon as you’re on the other side. You’ll have to carry everything you need.
Teal’c: I understand.
Hammond: I hope you do, son. Because if you fail to dig your way to the surface, this will be a one-way trip.
Shades of Grey
Jackson: What are you doing?
O’Neill: We never should have saved their technologically-superior butts. This is that thing they disable our weapons with, isn’t it?
Teal’c: As well as the Goa’uld technology.
Jackson: Don’t even think about it.
Carter: Sir, isn’t this against regulations?
O’Neill: I suppose it is, Carter. Let’s go.
Jackson: Jack, you’re crossing a line.
O’Neill: Shut up, Daniel.
Hammond: So, what did you have to promise them in return, Dr. Jackson?
Jackson: Actually, General, we didn’t, ah… promise to give them anything.
Hammond: They just gave you the device as a reward for saving them from the Goa’uld?
Jackson: Actually, General, the Tollan refused to give us any technology.
O’Neill: Offered us a nice fruit basket though.
Hammond: I’m confused. How did you get the device? Major Carter?
Carter: Um—
O’Neill: I took it, sir.
Hammond: Colonel, you don’t seem to understand how serious this matter is. You and your team committed a court martialable offence.
O’Neill: To be fair, General, I did it. Carter and Daniel protested. And Teal’c… well he really didn’t say anything but I could tell he was opposed to my actions by the way he cocked his head and sort of raised his eyebrow—
Hammond: Enough, Colonel. Dr. Jackson, Major Carter and Teal’c, you will return this device immediately to the Tollan. And hopefully smooth over what must be some very ruffled feathers.
Carter: Yes sir.
Carter: Is there anything I can do?
O’Neill: About?
Carter: Well sir, with respect, you aren’t exactly acting like yourself.
O’Neill: No Carter. I haven’t been acting like myself since I met you. Now I’m acting like myself.
Hammond: Since SG-1 is considered the flagship unit, it falls on me to assure that you have the strongest possible leadership. Therefore I’m reassigning the most senior officer we have in the field as your new commanding officer. Colonel Makepeace will be joining SG-1 immediately. I hope you’ll make him feel welcome.
Jackson: Sir, ah, I don’t want to seem out of line here but, ah… since I’m a civilian here I’m probably the only one that can say this…
Hammond: Spit it out, Doctor.
Jackson: Well, no offense, but doesn’t Major Carter deserve to take charge of SG-1?
Hammond: Major Carter has an exemplary record on the team, as recognized by her recent promotion to Major. But Major is a far cry from Colonel.
Carter: I understand, General.
Jackson: I’m sorry, I don’t. What difference does it make what title she has? The point is—
Carter: It’s all right, Daniel. Really.
Makepeace: I’m proud to join you folks. I hope you will learn to trust my command as much as you did Colonel O’Neill’s.
Carter: I’m sure we will, sir.
Jackson: I never really trusted Jack’s command, but… I’m open.
New Ground
Rigar: It is impossible for one to travel to other planets, much less through a circle of stone.
Carter: The Stargate isn’t made of regular stone. If given enough power, a wormhole forms within the circle and that allows us to travel to other worlds.
Rigar: Wormhole?
O’Neill: Giant worms. Huge!
Maternal Instinct
Carter: No welcoming party.
O’Neill: Well someone’s been reading Martha Stewart.
Crystal Skull
Carter: Normally neutrinos pass right through ordinary matter, no matter how dense. I mean something like five million billion just passed through you.
O’Neill: No matter how dense?
Jackson: That’s a crystal skull.
Carter: How do you know?
Jackson: Because it’s exactly like the one found in 1971 in Belize. By my grandfather.