Avalon: Part 1
Vala: Well. Don’t you all have me surrounded.
Landry: Welcome to the SGC. I’m General Landry.
Vala: Vala. Vala Mal Doran. Thank you so much for the lovely greeting party. We all had a wonderful time searching each other, didn’t we boys?
Vala to Mitchell: I know we haven’t met. That, I’m sure I would remember.
Vala: I could have come here and looked for it myself. But I know nothing about your fair planet. Other than it seems to have a rather interesting if somewhat limited gene pool.
Vala: Come to torture me?
Landry: How old are you?
Vala: Mental abuse won’t work either.
Vala: Try playing hard-to-get.
Mitchell: Look who’s talking.
Vala: Oh, now this brings back memories.
Jackson: How’s that?
Vala: Isn’t this where I beat you up?
Mitchell: Ladies first.
Vala to Jackson: Well then, after you.
Vala: Well. I haven’t been this disappointed since Daniel and I Daniel had sex.
Vala to Teal’c: Give it a try, Muscles. I’ll give you half.
Avalon: Part 2
Vala trying to reassure Jackson: Look, I didn’t hear any screaming or squishing sounds, so…
Vala: I don’t know, I don’t think he’s actually that good.
Mitchell: Alright, so I flunked fencing.
Jackson: What happened?
Mitchell: The whole place is collapsing. We must have done something wrong.
Jackson: What’d you take?
Vala: What? I—
Jackson: Truth of Spirit. What’d you take?
Jackson: My point is that we haven’t met a single living Ancient who’s willing to share their knowledge freely with us and there could be an entire advanced civilization of them out there somewhere in another galaxy. I mean isn’t that why we’re doing this, all of this? The Stargate program, the [?], is so we can meet new races, gather advanced technology, possibly learn about ourselves in the process.
Vala: Oh c’mon. You do it to meet women.
Mitchell: She has a point, sir.
Jackson: What the hell did you say?
Vala: I think it’s more what I didn’t say at first. You see apparently there’s a blessing you’re supposed to recite over the leaves before you drink—which, nobody warned me about. Then I think it’s what I did say. I was trying to politely explain what was going on, and then his wife started screaming and accusing me of being overcome at which point I believe I suggested she might think about procreation… with herself.
Vala: I’ve got tingles all over. And don’t flatter yourself. I’m pretty sure it’s not you.
Origin
Jackson: The central icon of the religion seems to be fire.
Vala: I don’t need a book to tell me that.
Jackson: That would make sense. Fire is light, energy, warmth. And yet on Earth at some point fire became associated with demonic imagery. Things that are evil. Hell not Heaven.
Vala: And?
Jackson: I was wondering if the Ancients had something to do with that.
Vala: Tell you what. Why don’t we flip to the end and let’s see how it all turns out, hm?
Prior: Devotion is rewarded. Those who stray must be guided back to the path.
Vala: Seems to me those who stray get burnt to death.
Jackson: This is bad.
Vala: Worse than being burned to death?
Jackson: It appears our ascended Ancients and the Ori have a slight difference of opinion. See, the Ori seem to think that because they’re ascended, human beings should worship them. All humans.
Vala: And if we don’t.
Jackson: Then we aren’t worthy of living and should be destroyed.
Vala: I don’t think enlightenment means what they think it means.
The Ties That Bind
The Powers That Be
Villager: Please. Forgive us. It has been so long. We began to fear you would not return.
Vala: Then you are foolish. I would not abandon you. I am your god.
Vala: What makes you think they’re going to tell you the truth? You’re supposed to be my faithful servant.
Jackson: Then I’ll also explain that we’re not as faithful as you would like to believe and if necessary I’ll also tell them we’re plotting to kill you.
Vala: I have heard better plans!
Mitchell: I kind of like it.
Mitchell: You stealing this planet’s most valued treasure is the least of our concerns right now.
Vala: I like your attitude. I was thinking of cutting you boys in at ten percent and now I’m thinking twenty.
Mitchell: We do not want to get into a God-off. Especially since we know you’re not even close.
Vala: Forget what I said about the twenty percent.
Vala: So what’s the plan? You gonna blow up this door, lay down suppression fire, so we can rush out through the hidden escape passage. {to Daniel} It’s in the room I told you had no other exit.
Vala: Thank you! I apologize for ever doubting your masterful skills at negotiation.
Jackson: He’s doing the best he can.
Vala: That’s what terrifies me.
Beachhead
Vala: You boys aren’t gonna let people from two different planets beat you at your own silly game are you?
Jackson: This silly game isn’t over yet.
Mitchell: That’s my wingman.
Vala: You need a new wingman.
Jackson: I’m gonna kick your ass.
Vala: Promises promises.
Jackson: Just try to be—
Vala: What? My charming self?
Jackson: A little less talk, a little more shut the hell up.
Gerak (Louis Gossett, Jr.): And this is your message to the Ori?
Vala: Pithy, wasn’t it?
Teal’c: The Ori knew the Jaffa of Kellana would defend their homeworld and others would follow.
Jackson: And Nerus made certain we’d join in.
Mitchell: Which means he’s working for the Ori.
Carter: The Mark IX gave them almost 70% of the power they needed to envelope the entire planet.
Mitchell: Oh yeah, we’ve been set up.
Vala: What a complete shock! Daniel glares at her. I won’t say another word.
Jackson: Doesn’t that look an awful lot like a—
Mitchell: Yeah, it does.
Carter: In fact I think that’s just what it is.
Jackson: No. It can’t be, ’cause I was gonna say Stargate.
Carter: Try Supergate. I estimate it’s three to four hundred meters.
Teal’c: Large enough for passage of an entire armada.
Vala: It’s incomplete. There’s still time.
Jackson: Time? Time to do what? Everything we’ve done has just made things worse.
Jackson: What are you doing?
Vala: Trying to help, Daniel. Someone had to do something and you wouldn’t listen.
Carter: She did it. The gate’s been destroyed.
Jackson: Did Vala make it back on board?
Airman: Negative, sir.
Crusade
Vala: It’s funny, Daniel always wanted to get into his pants and now I’m in his.
Mitchell: Vala, that’s not funny.
Vala: Hm?
Mitchell: He can’t defend himself.
Vala: I didn’t just drop in to say hello. I have something important to tell you.
Vala: A man named Tomin had apparently found me lying unconscious in the rings and thought the gods had sent me to him. Which I… let him continue to believe.
Vala: I did my best to blend in. At first, according to Tomin and therefore as far as the villagers were concerned, I was the woman who fell from the sky. Which made me feel kind of special. I later learned that they always suspected that I’d escaped from some other village as the result of some scandal and then I started to feel much more like I used to.
Mitchell: You’re pregnant?
Vala: Yes! I keep forgetting you can’t actually see me.
Mitchell: And I ask this not one hundred percent sure I want to know the answer. But whose baby is it?
Vala: That’s the thing. I don’t know.
Carter: As in… ?
Vala: I swear. I did… none of the necessary things. Between my arrival in the Ori galaxy and my wedding night—which was definitely after I knew for sure—there is no way, humanly possible that I know of, that I could have gotten pregnant.
Vala: I am absolutely terrified. Have any of you ever heard of anything like it?
Mitchell: Well there’s one.
Teal’c: Darth Vader.
Vala: Really? How did that turn out?
Tomin: It’s a miracle. I can walk, I can run. I can fight now.
Vala: You can what?
Tomin: I’ve been conscripted.
Vala: So, this girl in the bar. Her name was Denya. And we struck up a bit of a friendship. By the looks on your faces I can see you’re not surprised I had more in common with the village harlot than I did with any of the ladies in the local knitting circle.
Mitchell: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Vala: At least she was honest.
Tomin: I must leave soon for war.
Vala: Then I must go with you.