The Aftermath
Seth: I don’t understand any of the rules to this “baseball,” they call it.
Ryan: You mean America’s pasttime?
Seth: Mm. Feels like more of a fad to me, buddy. I don’t really see it catching on.
Seth: Hey, knock it off. Listen, you’ve got to get your mind off of everything. Who wants to go fishing?
Summer: Yeah, you guys do the hunting, we’ll do the gathering.
Ryan: I like that idea, but we don’t have any bait.
Seth: Aw… Wait, no, we have Summer. Look at this little sardine.
Well. If this is as good as it gets for a little while…
Ryan: Yeah, this was pretty good.
Summer: Yeah. Thanks for almost getting my bathing suit wet, Cohen.
Seth: My pleasure.
Ryan imitating Summer: Cohen. I can’t believe that you did that, Cohen.
Seth: I mean how does being a werewolf make you a better basketball player?
Ryan: Can’t argue that one.
Sandy to Ryan: Glad to see the jumpsuit still fits. Well kid, for someone who’s innocent you’ve done a hell of a job to look guilty.
Ryan: Glad to see you’re here to make me feel better.
Ryan: What happened?
Sandy: You have a hell of a girlfriend. And if you two get married you’ll have a hell of a mother-in-law. But you’re free.
The Shape of Things to Come
Sandy: She kept this place in tip top shape without so much as picking up a sponge.
Ryan: Yeah. How did she do that?
Seth: Her presence kept us neat, Ryan, It’s that Protestant evil eye. It’s a powerful thing.
Sandy: She’s a woman of many talents.
Seth to Ryan who’s cleaning the fridge out: You sure you don’t need a haz mat suit for that?
Ryan: Look at this. Chicken skewers from the Fourth of July.
Seth: Are those things fossilized yet?
Ryan: What are you doing?
Seth: Making a Seth Cohen Starter Pack for mom, Rehab Edition. Got a little Chuck Klosterman, got Craig Thompson’s Blankets, and I’ve got Motley Crue’s Dirt. I figured it would help put my mom’s indiscretions into perspective.
Ryan: That’s very thoughtful.
Ryan: What’s wrong?
Sandy: I’ve got some bad news. I had a meeting at the school today. And they’re concerned about bringing you and Marissa back after what happened.
Ryan: I’m getting kicked out.
Sandy: No, you’re not. But Marissa is.
Sandy: I thought you’d be at the carnival.
Ryan: It didn’t really work out.
Sandy: I guess Marissa’s expulsion hasn’t really been easy on your two.
Ryan: I just wish there was something I could do.
Sandy: So you want to fix this. The universal male instinct. Happens to the best of us.
Ryan: So what, I’m supposed to just sit here and do nothing?
Sandy: No. You need to go back. And just listen.
Ryan: Just listen?
Sandy: Trust me. It works better than you think.
The End of Innocence
Marissa: You should probably go. ‘Cause if my mom finds you here she’ll kill you.
Ryan: Not if Sandy kills me first.
Ryan: I thought we might be able to start with something that didn’t involve me getting arrested.
Seth: Is it my fault that most of our half-baked adolesent schemes goes hopelessly awry and my dad has to bail us out?
Ryan: Uh, usually, yeah.
Ryan: You and I are both here because someone gave us a break. Now Marissa needs one.
Sandy: Well, I think having Kirsten gone is making me all sentimental. Or maybe my brain is fried from doing all these real estate deals. Your plan poses a myriad of obstacles.
Ryan: Anything you can do. Thank you.
The Last Waltz
Seth about Ryan and Marissa: Well, that is a pickle.
Ryan: That’s it? No advice?
Seth: What advice? Call her, apologize. It’s not rocket science. Man. You home school kids are pathetic.
Ryan: So you wanna go to the movies later tonight? I could beat up the usher, get us some free Milk Duds.
Ryan: Hello.
Seth: Hey. Are you stocking the larder?
Sandy: Your mom’s making me lamb ragout. It’s French. Now where’re you headed—? noticing Seth’s attire Where are you headed?
Seth: Dance. There’s a beach theme.
Ryan: I’m gonna drop in on Marissa, see if she needs a study break, maybe grab a bite.
Ryan: Seth what are you doing here?
Seth to Ryan: I’m here to stop you man. And if that means throwing myself between you and the gym, I only ask that you spare the face.
The Perfect Storm
Sandy: You have to keep trying.
Ryan: No. I don’t. I have been trying. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I have to make my own decisions. And I am asking you to let me go.
Seth: You realize Ryan, of all of our hair-brained schemes—of which there are many—quitting school for a life at sea, it may be number one.
Ryan: I can’t say the idea’s gotten an enthusiastic response. Except from your dad, who’s throwing me a dinner.
Seth: He’s calling your bluff.
Ryan: I’m not bluffing.
Seth: I would say it was working.
Ryan: I think he’s just hoping to give me enough rope to hang myself.
Seth: And instead you’ve fashioned said rope into a perfect little sailor’s knot.
Sandy: Well you’ve beaten the Sandy Cohen mind meld. I was hoping if we gave you the space you’s need you’d realize that this was not the answer to your problems.
Ryan: Maybe my problem doesn’t have an answer.
Kirsten: Sure it does, Ryan. If you keep out of trouble until you graduate at the very least you’ll end up at a good community colllege.
Sandy: Yeah, you post a couple of semesters of good work, you can transfer to a four-year school.
Ryan: Yeah. When you come from my family it’s not so easy.
Sandy: We’re your family now.
Ryan: I may not be an Atwood anymore, but I’m not a Cohen either. I don’t know what I am.
Kirsten: So you’re going to figure it out lost at sea?
Ryan: Lost at sea, lost on land. What’s the difference, right?
Seth: I came up with some other pitches for jobs with you, but I should warn you that it’s, like, wacky!
Ryan: Okay. Alright.
Seth: Okay. Ryan Atwood: Bull Fighter.
Summer: Oo! Big hat, like tight red pants and a little red coat.
Ryan: Alright, but I don’t speak Spanish.
Seth: Neither do bulls. Ryan Atwood: Bounty Hunter.
Summer: Yeah, you could have like a crossbow and a badge and steel-toed boots. You like those.
Ryan: How about Ryan Atwood: Coward.
Marissa: Oh, I think that may have been a little harsh.
Ryan: You think so?
Marissa: It got your attention.
Seth: Ryan Atwood: Fluffer.
All: Fluffer? What?
Seth: I’ll explain it later.
The Swells
Sandy: Where’s Marissa?
Summer: Oh, she’s busy.
Ryan: Is she studying? ‘Cause I’ve been known to get her to blow off some homework.
Summer: She’s not studying. She’s at the beach with Johnny. {awkward pause}
Seth: Ryan, try not to punch Summer.
Summer: I’m just the messenger.
Ryan: What’s that about?
Seth: I don’t know. Summer called. She said something about you getting to some guy’s house on Dune Row right away. Some emergency.
Ryan: Is it Marissa?
Seth: I don’t know. My cell phone was confiscated. Which I do believe is a violation of my civil liberties!
Ryan: Johnny? You mean that Johnny hanging with his girlfriend, Johnny?
Summer: I have a bit of a hair trigger.
Ryan: So look, I just want you to know I’m only here because Summer called.
Marissa: You sure you’re not here because you’re freaked out about me and Johnny?
Ryan: Well I wasn’t but I’m starting to think I should be. What’s going on with you guys?
Seth: I’m freaking out right now. I’m using a payphone and god knows what Asian strain of lip herpes I’m contracting.
Ryan: That’s disgusting. I’ll be there as soon as possible.
The Anger Management
Ryan: Maybe the girls should pick the movie next time.
Seth: Ah, do I have to remind you about the Bring It On phase?
Summer: Now that is an awesome movie.
Seth: Dude, all I’m saying is you just got back into Harbor, okay? You do not want to go back to the wasteland of home schooling.
Ryan: I told you, I’m not gonna fight him.
Seth: I hear you. And I want to believe you, but I also know Kid Chino. Sometimes when his back’s up against the wall, those fists of fury—
Ryan: Kid Chino is retired. He hung up the hoodie. So just relax, alright?
Taylor: So, you’re like Seth’s best friend, right?
Ryan: Don’t tell Captain Oats.
Taylor: That’s funny. I didn’t know that you were funny.
Ryan: Can I talk to you about something?
Sandy: Anytime.
Ryan: There’s this guy and he’s gotten it in his head that he’s going to fight me.
Sandy: Does this have anything to do with the fact that my car is now “The Little Bitch”?
Ryan: I was going to fix that.
Ryan: If you want to fight, you’re going to have to kill me. So what’s it gonna be? Come on!
Volchok: Alright! Alright. Let’s go, man. This guy’s crazy.
Marissa: You really wanted to hit him, huh?
Ryan: No, I’m fine. {pause} Well, I didn’t hit him. And I think that’s the most important thing.
The Game Plan
Seth: Okay picture me at college. Big fish in a small pond or small fish in a big pond?
Ryan: I don’t know. I never really pictured you living in a pond.
Seth: Me neither.
Seth: I just had a meeting with the counselor and she said I had a very good shot at getting in. Because I’m awesome.
Ryan: Is this your first choice?
Seth: Dude, it’s my only choice. It’s liberal, it’s turtleneck weather, and most importantly it’s 30,000 miles away from here.
Ryan: It’s safe to say you’re not applying to Berkeley. have you told your dad?
Seth: Sandy Cohen’s a perceptive guy. I’m sure he’ll figure it out.
Ryan: Seth, you gotta tell him.
Seth: “Dad, I’m not applying to Berkeley. Where did you get a gun? Why do you have this gun?” That doesn’t have a good ring to it.
Ryan: What happens on vacations? Do I stay in the poolhouse?
Sandy: No matter where you go, this will always be your home.
Summer: Uh oh, you and Seth are going to have to do the long distance thing. Better not cheat on each other.
Ryan: It’s college. Things happen.
Seth: Are you questioning my sexuality?
The Disconnect
Seth: You know I read a study once that said that if 1500 third graders took the SATs one would get a perfect score by probability alone.
Summer: Hm. Yeah. I’m not a third grader, Cohen.
Seth: No, no, I’m not saying you are, but I mean how else do you explain it?
Summer: I dunnow.
Seth: How is that even possible?
Ryan: Well, she did save Chrismukkah.
Seth: So was Marissa totally cool with you canceling on her last night?
Ryan: Didn’t have a problem with it.
Seth: But do you have a problem with it?
Ryan: Why would I— I cancelled on her.
Seth: Yeah but if it were me I’d have a problem with it. And if, you know, I cancelled on you and you didn’t have a problem with it then I might have a problem with that.
Ryan: Sounds like you already got a problem. And not with me.
Matt: I do some of my best thinking here.
Ryan: I can see why. Loud music, topless women. No distractions at all.
Matt: Sometimes a good distraction is the best way to recharge.
Stripper Cop: Hi. I’m Sipowicz.
Ryan: Hi Sipowicz.
Matt: Thanks for not busting me.
Ryan: You gonna make me wish I did?
Ryan: Don’t do this man.
Seth: Do what?
Ryan: Compete with Summer.
Seth: Why? Because you think Summer would win?
Seth: So, Ryan. You’re a working man now. How’s the job going? Model homes, calculators, dudes in suits. I bet that’s pretty exciting stuff.
Ryan: You’d be surprised. So would Marissa.
Seth: Oo. What’s she been up to?
Ryan: I don’t know. I’ll ask her when I see which hopefully will be tonight. What’s with all the questions?
Seth: Nothing. I’m just trying to exhaust all your issues ’til we get to mine. Have we covered everything?
Ryan acquiesces
Seth: My biggest fear, stated plainly: what if Summer’s bein smart changes our whole dynamic?
Ryan: Why would it?
Seth: Because my intelligence was the one quality she admired in me. It made me almost a man in her eyes.
Ryan: C’mon, man. That’s not true. You’ve got plenty of other positive qualities. You’re funny. When you want to be.
Seth: Have you noticed how Summer’s gotten a lot funnier lately? I mean I think she’s funnier than me now.
Ryan: You’re an expert in comic books and Yakuza films.
Seth: Girls don’t like that.
Ryan: You know how to work a grill. I’m sorry, man, I’m sorry. I thought I would come up with more. The point is Summer doesn’t want to be you, she wants to be with you. Right? You want that too, so—
Seth: Apologize, I know.
The Chrismukkah Bar Mitzvahkkah
Seth: Seriously. I think you should really consider it.
Ryan: What, a Bar Mitzvah?
Seth: Yeah. You’ve brought some much needed Chris to the Cohens, but I think you really use some Kah.
Ryan: I don’t think so.
Seth: That’s tough talk for a guy that eats a lot of bagels.
Ryan to Johnny: We brought you a little something for the holidays.
Seth: It only took Summer five hours to pick it out.
Seth: If any of you were even remotely Jewish I would just say we could pool our Bar Mitzvah money, but— Holy crap, that’s it.
Summer: What’s it?
Ryan: Oh… no no no no no. No way, dude.
Seth: Yes. Way dude.
Ryan: I’m sorry, alright. I can’t. I won’t.
Seth: Will.
Ryan: I’m not having it.
Summer: Having what?
Seth: A Bar Mitzvah.
Summer: What?! laughs Ryan gets Bar Mitzvahed. Now that is funny.
Ryan: Yeah, see. Summer’s laughing.
Seth: No. That’s just gas. Now listen, this wouldn’t be an ordinary Bar Mitzvah. You know what this would be? Wait for it… wait for it. A Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vakkah. Spell that, dude.
Ryan: That’s crazy.
Seth: Yeah? So crazy it just might work.
Marissa: So we throw a big party.
Summer: And Ryan gets the money from the Bar Mitzvah.
Marissa: And then we can spend it on Johnny’s surgery.
Ryan: How is this gonna work? Am I just gonna stand in front of Newport and sing Hebrew?
Seth: You chant. And hell yes.
Ryan: I can’t believe this is you.
Seth: Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward, I know.
Ryan: No, but seriously. You went out in public like this?
Seth: It’s one of the unfortunate truths of the Bar Mitzvah, Ryan. It’s the most awkward time in a young Jewish boy’s life. But also the most photographed.
Ryan: Is there a videotape too?
Seth: You would have to kill me first.
Ryan: Can I get a pack of Marlboros and, uh, a lottery ticket. I’m feeling lucky.
Ryan: Sometimes you gotta let the rich people help you.
Seth: As soon as you hear “that’s what friends are for” you’re done.
Ryan: That song is Jewish?
Seth: It might as well be. It’s a staple of every Bar Mitzvah. It’s you and all your friends, your arms around each other swaying. It’s awesome.
Ryan: I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke’s birthday party.
Seth: It’s hypothetically awesome.
The Safe Harbor
Summer: Don’t tell me there’s a problem with the t-shirts or I might freak out.
Ryan: T-shirts are fine. They’re in the car. It’s Marissa.
Marissa: Hey. What are you doing here?
Ryan: I dropped by to give you an update. And some campaign swag. What do you think?
Marissa: I love it. What’s next? Coffee mugs? Baseball caps?
Ryan: Whatever it takes.
Summer: I can’t believe we spent all day canvassing and we only have like 13 signatures.
Seth: Say what you want about Taylor, the girl’s connected. Cheerleaders, water polo players, the band. She turned, they all turned.
Ryan: Alright, so it’s down to the three of us, the AV club, and the comic book geeks.
Seth: Actually Leon is still a bit of a hold out.
Johnny: No matter what anyone says, it’s still going to be her choice.
Ryan: Just wanna make sure she feels free to make it. Slams door.
Ryan: Alright, so it’s down to the three of us, the AV club, and the comic book geeks.
Seth: Actually Leon is still a bit of a hold out.
Seth: No word back from Taylor.
Ryan: We’ve gotta leave in an hour and no sign of Marissa.
Summer: So what are you guys saying?
Seth: That this was a valiant campaign.
Ryan: Yeah, really valiant.
Seth: One any general would be proud of.
Summer: Surrender, much? I bet Napoleon never talked like this.
Ryan: Well, maybe he should have before he was defeated and exiled.
Seth: Summer, my little Empress, this is our Waterloo. Let’s just retreat and minimize collateral damage.
Summer: Well, can’t we just wait a couple of minutes before we raise the white flag? She’s always late. I mean, maybe she got lost. Or something.
Summer: Surrender much? I bet Napoleon never talked like this.
Ryan: Well, maybe he should have before he was defeated and exiled.
Seth: Summer, my little Empress, this is our Waterloo. Let’s just retreat and minimize collateral damage.
Marissa: Thanks so much for doing this.
Ryan: It really means a lot.
Sandy: Ornery judge, captive audience, righteousness on my side. I feel right at home.
The Sister Act
Seth: Marissa got back into Harbor. You guys seem to have resolved your surftastic love triangle. My girlfriend got a near perfect score on her SATs but we’ve never been happier.
Ryan: Seth, it’s senior year. It’s supposed to be the best year ever.
Seth: No, you should know better. Every time things are going too well around here, that’s when doom comes a knockin’.
Ryan: Doom?
Seth: A knockin’. doorbell Or a ringin’. Right on time. Don’t answer it. It’s probably a flaming bag of crap.
Ryan: Or FedEx.
Marissa: I can’t find my stupid jacket.
Ryan: I’ll help.
Marissa: It’s brown. With things on it.
Ryan: And it’s stupid?
Sandy: Kaitlin Cooper? It must be two years since she’s been back.
Kirsten: Did she mention why she’s home in the middle of a semester?
Ryan: We never really got past where home was.
Sandy: Oh, Julie wants us to wait till she gets here before we tell Kaitlin.
Seth: That her family’s a prime candidate for Pimp My Double-Wide.
Marissa: The tour starts soon. I hope he hasn’t left yet.
Ryan: I don’t think he’d do that. Why don’t you try, ah, whatshisname. Bizarro Seth.
Marissa: I can’t find my stupid jacket.
Ryan: I’ll help.
Marissa: It’s brown. With things on it.
Ryan: And it’s stupid?
The Pot Stirrer
Seth: Dude, I planned my first escape on an Etch-a-Sketch. This is my dream. It’s just, I don’t know, man. It’s real.
Ryan: Well, why don’t you talk to Summer about it. I mean, I’m sure she’s freaking out a bit, too.
Seth: I’ll be fine. Seriously. This is just my process.
Ryan: Fair enough. You’re pouring coffee in your cereal.
Seth: Dude, I am not stoned anymore.
Ryan: Okay, then why are you in my shower?
Seth: Woah. How’d that happen?
Ryan: Just drink the coffee.
The Cliff Hanger
Seth: So I wanted to be alone. Are you the only one in this family that’s allowed to brood?
Ryan: Man, whatever it is, you can tell me.
Seth: My Brown interview did not go so well. Actually it didn’t go at all.
Ryan: Blew it off?
Seth: Yep. And then for the cherry on top of that I went ahead and lied to Summer about it.
Ryan: Right. Well, why not talk to her?
Seth: Yeah, it’s just Summer was over pot by the tenth grade. She thinks it’s totally juvenile. It’d be like telling her I’m into Beanie Babies.
Ryan: Well, at least tell her you missed the interview. You do that, I’ll keep quiet about the rest of it.
Seth: We’re getting dangerously close to an After-School Special here, Ryan. It’s marijuana and I did it twice.
Ryan: So you’re telling me you didn’t come down here to buy a bag?
Seth: Fine. I wasn’t going to smoke anymore anyways.
Ryan: Look, maybe you just feel sorry for him. Or, maybe sometimes you didn’t think you could talk to me, I wasn’t listening. Or maybe you’re in love with him. Either way you’ve gotta figure it out. Until then, I don’t want to see you.
Marissa: Look, I know things have been confusing—
Ryan leaves. Literally, figuratively and… temporarily. Marissa sucks.
Johnny: Dude, you are the last person I want to see right now.
Ryan: Okay, alright, let’s get you down from here. We can talk about it later, okay?
Johnny: Right, right. So you can save me one more time for Marissa.
The Heavy Lifting
Seth: You can’t blame yourself. You tried.
Ryan: And failed.
Seth: Well you can’t beat yourself up over it. I mean, Ryan Atwood against Ryan Atwood?
The Road Warrior
Seth: I’ve got two girls in bikinis trying to seduce me. Which sounds awesome. But I’m scared, I’m wet, and I’m cold, Ryan.
Ryan: Okay. Alright, I’ll be right there. I just gotta towel off.
Seth: Why do you have to towel off?
Ryan: What’s this guy doing here?
Volchok: That’s funny, because I was just about to ask her the same thing about you.
Ryan: Yeah, well, you’ve always been kind of slow.
Volchok: But I’m quick at kicking your ass.
Ryan: Running away is more how I remember it.
Volchok: Ah, really? Well I’d love to jump back in the ring.
Sadie: You know what? Too much testosterone.
Sadie: Your bookie?
Ryan: No. It’s just Seth. I’ll call him in the morning.
Seth: Dude, where are you?
Ryan: Indio. How much trouble am I in?
Seth: Ah, none yet. Mom and Dad think you’re helping inner city kids paint an overpass mural. I’m rolling around in your bed right now. So it looks slept in.
Ryan: You probably do that anyway.
Seth: So? Have a little gratitude.
Ryan: You’re right. I owe you. But trust me, it’s for a good cause.
Seth: Any chance you want to clue me in on what the cause is?
Ryan: The less you know the better. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Except the bed thing. That’s just creepy.
Seth: Dude, where are you?
Ryan: Indio. How much trouble am I in?
Seth: Ah, none yet. Mom and Dad think you’re helping inner city kids paint an overpass mural. I’m rolling around in your bed right now. So it looks slept in.
Ryan: You probably do that anyway.
Seth: So? Have a little gratitude.
Ryan: You’re right. I owe you. But trust me, it’s for a good cause.
Seth: Any chance you want to clue me in on what the cause is?
Ryan: The less you know the better. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Except the bed thing. That’s just creepy.
Bail Bond Guy: I got authority to protect this property with lethal force. You know what that means?
Ryan: It means we’ll be out in the car.
Sadie: Stakeout look so much cooler in movies.
Ryan: Yeah, that’s because they cut right to the part where the guy shows up.
The Journey
Kirsten: Ryan, I forgot to ask. Do you have any request for your birthday on Sunday?
Seth: Sunday’s your birthday?
Ryan: Thanks buddy.
Sandy: Not just any birthday. Ryan’s turning 18. Becoming a fully-franchised citizen of this great democratic experiment we call America.
Seth: Yes, we all know you went to law school. The important thing is we need a party.
Seth: You only know like, us. And Summer. And—
Ryan: Marissa and I are broken up. I’m gonna go do some homework.
Seth: Okay. {Ryan leaves}. I was totally going to say Marissa.
As Ryan stares at a random flyer
Summer: Thinking of joining the lesbian alliance?
Ryan: No.
Summer: She’s gone. When are you guys gonna talk? You can’t keep avoiding each other forever.
Seth: Hey man, you busy?
Ryan: Would it matter?
Seth: Not really. Now in my capacity as Birthday Captain I went ahead and reserved the Bait Shop for Sunday.
Ryan: I guess you don’t remember me saying small.
Seth: I did. I chose to ignore it. Do you want to see the invitations? The store made me print like a hundred. I told them you only knew like four people but it was some kind of a policy.
Ryan: Get me one for Sadie.
Seth: Sadie, huh? Interesting.
Ryan: She’s a friend.
Seth: Okay, well, what do you want to do with this? holds up Marissa’s invitation
Ryan: You’re the Birthday General.
Seth: First of all, I’m the Birthday Captain. And the decision of whether to invite Marissa or not is way beyond my pay grade.
Ryan: So tomorrow’s kinda my birthday, Seth’s throwing a party, and… it’s no big deal, but—
Sadie: Wow. I can hardly process that much enthusiasm.
Seth: So are you feeling more mature? Like you want to go out and vote up a storm?
Ryan: Fighting the urge.
Ryan: So what exactly was the thinking here?
Seth: Well, turning 18 is all about assuming your adult identity, right? So I thought I would show you all the different avenues available to you.
Ryan: Because I might want to be a cowboy.
Seth: Or my personal favorite, but no less gay, Fireman Ryan.
Ryan: Hey, guys. There’s somebody I’d like you to meet, Sadie. Sadie this is Sandy and Kirsten.
Sandy: Any friend of Ryan’s… and it is so nice to know he has at least one here.
Sadie: You do know this is a Foreigner song, right?
Ryan: Yeah.
Sadie: Okay.
The Undertow
Seth: Who knew my new PlayStation idol would be your new girlfr— new…
Sadie: Friend.
Seth: Friend… Girl friend.
Summer: Nice save.
Sadie: I think friend is the word.
Ryan: I’m gonna get that.
Sadie: Nice dodge.
Ryan: Thanks.
Ryan: What’s all that?
Sadie: A little halftime buffet. Pretzels, Ding Dongs, a jar of gfelte fish. I was trying to mix it up.
Seth: That’s always appreciated.
Sadie: You’re still into toy cars? You know I’m gonna choose to find that cute instead of creepy.
Ryan: It’s just something someone gave me.
Sadie: This wouldn’t by any chance have anything to do with that Hooters waitress that showed up at your door yesterday.
About the car
Seth: You know, I know Trey’s not made of money, but he could have at least sprung for a shirt or something.
Ryan: It’s an inside thing. Long story.
Seth: I like long stories.
Ryan: Too bad. I don’t feel like telling this one.
Kirsten: Girl problems?
Ryan: Safe bet usually, but actually this is more complicated.
Kirsten: Is it that girl Jessica?
Ryan: Yeah. And my brother. Just trying to prevent another casualty of Trey.
Kirsten: So you’re trying to save this girl?
Ryan: That’s the thing I do.
Kirsten: Look, we love Marissa, she’s family, and, she means a lot to us but she’s been through so much. And you got pulled into that.
Ryan: Yeah, well, some of that was my fault. But you’re right. I can’t argue with you.
Kirsten: You should never argue with a woman who’s here to discuss women. Have we mentioned that we love Sadie? She’s smart and she’s grounded.
Ryan: And I am trying, trying not to screw it up.
Kirsten: Just because a girl isn’t tied to some train tracks, doesn’t mean she should be ignored.
Ryan: Look, you gotta stop dating guys like him. And I gotta stop dating girls like you.
The Secrets and Lies
Seth: I guess I ruined the mood, huh?
Ryan: Just a lot.
Ryan to Volchok: Just so you know, I’m not looking after her anymore. It’s on you now.
The Day After Tomorrow
Seth: All this time I thought getting into college would make things so much easier.
Ryan: Yeah. Not gonna happen.
Seth: There’s a cold front coming through.
Ryan: So with a 90-day escrow, that means you’ll be in town for…
Sadie: 90 more days, Einstein.
Ryan: Right. That makes sense.
Sadie: Hey do you think it’s gonna be weird that I’m not wearing a sweatshirt?
Ryan: No. You’ll be fine.
Ryan: Hey, man. Summer was looking for you. I invited her for tonight.
Seth: Cool. Good.
Ryan: Everything okay?
Seth: Yeah. No. It’s just that if she sees me she’ll dress me like a Timberland Barbie. Did you invite Sadie?
Ryan: I’m goin’ over to her place after school.
Seth: Did you tell her you got into Berkeley?
Ryan: No. It’s just kind of difficult. I mean we haven’t really been going out that long, but what do you do when only one of you is going to college?
Seth: Man I wish I knew.
Seth: Did you talk to the parents yet?
Ryan: You know what? In hindsight, breaking the Sadie news to them that way? Probably not a good plan.
Seth: Well at least my dad didn’t have an actual heart attack at the table. So that’s a plus.
Ryan: Seth, uh, I gotta ask. Did you really get into Brown?
Seth: Did I get into—? Ryan, now who’s smoking pot. Listen to me: the only class that I’ve ever gotten less than an A in is gym. My essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry. So of course I… augh, how could I not get in?
Ryan: Why are you lying about it?
Seth: For Summer.
Ryan: Well, don’t you think she’s going to notice when you’re not there first semester?
Seth: She said that if I didn’t get in and she did, she wouldn’t go to Brown. I’m not gonna let her do that. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.
Ryan: Well I think that’s up to her. Sorry man, I think you gotta tell her the truth.
Seth: Hey. Thanks, man.
Ryan: Sure.
Seth: Did you talk to the parents yet?
Ryan: You know what? In hindsight, breaking the Sadie news to them that way? Probably not a good plan.
Seth: Well at least my dad didn’t have an actual heart attack at the table. So that’s a plus.
Ryan: That’s true. Anything happen after I left?
Seth: Summer and I got into a soul-crushing fight about Brown.
Ryan: Mm. I’m sorry. Did you talk to her?
Seth: No. But even if I did and she forgave me, it’s like, then what? You know? It’s just— I don’t know. It’s complicated.
Ryan: Seth, uh, I gotta ask. Did you really get into Brown?
Seth: Did I get into—? Ryan, now who’s smoking pot. Listen to me: the only class that I’ve ever gotten less than an A in is gym. My essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry. So of course I… augh, how could I not get in?
Ryan: Why are you lying about it?
Seth: For Summer.
Ryan: Well, don’t you think she’s going to notice when you’re not there first semester?
Seth: She said that if I didn’t get in and she did, she wouldn’t go to Brown. I’m not gonna let her do that. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.
Ryan: Well I think that’s up to her. Sorry man, I think you gotta tell her the truth.
Ryan: I feel more myself with you than anyone.
Sadie: Those are some pretty big words, Mister.
Ryan: Well I am going to Berkeley.
The Dawn Patrol
Ryan: Still lying to everybody about everything?
Seth: I’m trying to talk as little as possible.
Kirsten: Well whatever happens, you have at least one proud mother watching you when you graduate.
Ryan: Thanks.
Ryan: I’m looking for someone. Dawn Atwood.
Chloe: Her shift doesn’t start for a couple of hours. Who should I say is looking for her?
Ryan: A friend. I’m staying at La Crescenta.
Chloe: Nice hotel. Dawn doesn’t really have any friends that stay at nice hotels.
Ryan: I got a good rate.
Chloe: She does however have a son. Lives with some pretty wealthy people. Who’s supposed to be cute.
Ryan: This is not what I expected.
Chloe: Yeah? Well maybe it’s what you need.
Ryan: Look, you don’t know her the way I do.
Chloe: Never said I did.
Ryan: It’s been the same thing my whole life. Gets clean for a little while, promises she’s changed, then she meets some low-life, he moves in with her, and she bottoms out.
Chloe: How many of these low-lives did she meet in rehab? Hasn’t had a drink in twelve years, pays for their apartment, even fixed up one of his old cars for her.
Ryan: I didn’t know that.
Chloe: Didn’t want to. Maybe you already made your mind up about him. And about your mom, too.
Chloe: I’m sorry.
Ryan: It’s okay. Your little family intervention seems to have worked.
Chloe: Oh. Then I’m not sorry. For anything that may have happened.
Ryan: Me neither.
Seth: Gonna be a long night, Ryan. A lot of whining, a lot of pining, ah, maybe some brainstorming, you don’t mind?
Ryan: It’s good to be home. Alright, how are we going to get your Summer back?
Seth: Plan A: I fake my own death. You never wanna underestimate the power of the sympathy vote.
Ryan: Is there a plan B?
Seth: Yeah yeah. Uh, I could hack in through the Brown firewall into the Admission’s office mainframe and reverse my acceptance.
Ryan: That’s actually a good idea. You know how to do that?
Seth: I had an uncle that went to DeVry.
The College Try
Ryan: So, um, you’re going to fly to Brown…
Seth: And then I will somehow get them to admit me. Yeah. I don’t have the, ah, details, okay? But Brown’s a spiritual place. I’ll go, I’ll get a vibe, you know, bump into the ghost of Old Man Brown. Or whoever they named the school after.
Ryan: I just don’t want to see you get deeper into this mess, okay?
Seth: Dude, you’re going to Berkeley with your ex-girlfriend.
Ryan goes to hug Seth
Seth: We can save the hug for later.
Ryan: Yeah, okay.
Student: I saw in your profile that you’re from Newport. Did you go to Harbor?
Ryan: Uh, yeah. You know it?
Student: Yeah. A few guys in my poli-sci club went there. Do you play water polo?
Ryan: No. You know what, actually I’m not really from Newport. I mean, I am. But up until the last two years I was living in Chino. I guess I figured I would get that out of the way.
Student: I think you’ll be okay.
Ryan: What do you mean?
Student: I got one roommate from Bangladesh. The other’s from Partridge, Kansas. Population 300. There’s no mold here. It’s pretty easy to fit in.
Ryan: I’m not used to that.
Ryan: Hey Seth.
Seth: Hey man. How’s Berkeley?
Ryan: It’s cold and wet and pretty cool. I can’t believe I’m actually on a college campus.
Seth: Ryan, I am touching ivy right now.
Ryan: What?
Seth: Real ivy. It grows on the buildings here. Those pictures in the brochure, they are not Photoshopped.
Ryan: I take it you’re in the middle of the quad right now?
Seth: Yeah. Dead center.
Ryan: Pretty stealth. I can’t imagine anyone actually seeing you there.
Seth: I know, I know, it’s a Summer hot zone. I just had to come and visit campus for a few minutes.
Ryan: And it’s perfect?
Seth: Man, it’s better than perfect. Seth Cohen has come home to roost.
Off Screen: Cohen!
Ryan: Who’s that?
Seth: I don’t know. I’m too afraid to turn around.
Marissa: So, I know the whole “friendship” thing didn’t really work out in Newport, but—
Ryan: That was Newport, you know. Everything feels different here. I’m willing to try.
Marissa: Hm. Well I don’t know. You know, ’cause if I was in your circle of friends I might accidentally let it slip that you used to do musicals.
Ryan: I have enough dirt on you to last the next four years. So bring it on.
Marissa: That might be true.
The Party Favor
Ryan: Have you told her there’s nothing going on between you and Anna?
Seth: I’ve tried, but every time I get close she pulls her rape whistle.
Ryan: Well you know, I’m not going. So if you wanna hang out, rent a movie.
Seth: Ryan, I love you. But if I have to spend my senior prom playing video games with you, I’m gonna kill myself.
Seth: Now that the baby thing’s resolved, the pressure’s off. It’s perfect. Do it.
Ryan: But I mean she still has the baby, I can’t just, you know—
Seth: One night, they have these new crazy things called babysitters. I’m just saying, senior prom with your childhood sweetheart. You have to respect the romantic symmetry.
Ryan: You know what, I’ll think about it. And I appreciate you not bringing up the idea of Marissa and I going as friends.
Seth: No, I get it. It’s in the past. Plus, I assumed she’d be going with the surf Nazi anyway. Unless he’s selling crack to blind kids or— sees Volchok. Fondling some girl at the end of the pier. Ah, maybe that’s his cousin. His really… dirty cousin.
Marissa: So the baby?
Ryan: Really cute, but not mine.
Ryan to Volchok: Look, I don’t have a problem with you drinking, but if you screw this up for Marissa
I’m gonna kick your ass.
Ryan: So you like the new me?
Theresa: Well, you’re still not much of a dancer.
Ryan: What!?!? jazz hands You’re right. I’m not.
Volchok: You probably think I’m an idiot, huh? Screw things up with Marissa. Steal money when everyone’s gonna know I took it.
Ryan: I don’t think about you. But yes, you’re an idiot.
The Man of the Year
Seth: Hey man. Today’s a good day for me, Ryan. I finally came clean and told the truth about not getting into Brown and things are great. Life is so much better when you’re honest. You just mean what you say, you say what you mean. I feel like you.
Ryan: Well, now that you’re on a roll, you gonna tell Sandy and Kirsten about Brown too?
Seth: Yeah. I don’t think so. I’m gonna wait a little bit on that one.
Kirsten: Why don’t you say good morning to Newport’s Man of the Year.
Seth: I knew it was only a matter of time before this town recognized my contribution to this community.
Ryan: You’d have to be a man first. Congratulations, Sandy.
Ryan: How’re you doing?
Volchok: Seven stitches, a couple broken ribs… I’ll live.
Ryan: I’m glad. I didn’t mean to— Well, not that bad, anyway.
Volchok: It’s not like I didn’t ask for it.
Ryan: Whatever you’re into. Drugs, guns…
Volchok: That’s none of your business.
Ryan: I know. And I don’t want it to be.
Theresa: Look, I have a child now. And I can’t be with someone that’s like my brother or yours.
Ryan: I’m not like him.
Theresa: Maybe on your good days, you’re not. But right now my life isn’t built for the bad ones.
The Graduates
Seth: This is it, dude. We never have to set foot in this stupid school or this stupid student lounge again.
Ryan: Nostalgic already, huh?
Seth: Never gonna have to see any of these shoe-peeing, shallow water polo-playing—
A guy knocks into Seth
Shallow Water Polo Player: Get outta my way, geek. What is that, a dress?
Seth: It’s a graduation gown. You’re wearing one too.
Shallow Water Polo Player to his friend: Queered and Weird are wearing a “gown”.
Ryan: You know, this is gonna sound weird, but can I drive you to the airport? You were the first person I met here, I’d kinda like to be the last person to say goodbye.
Marissa: You know, it’s funny. I was gonna ask you the same thing.
Dawn: Hey, Seth good to see you again.
Seth: Good to see you, too. It means a lot that you made it down. I was being sincere.
Dawn: Okay, so—
Ryan: And thanks again for the car.
Dawn: You bet.
Seth: Ryan got a car? Really? I’ve been waiting for years for a car. I’m supposed to be the spoiled one.
Marissa: This is cool.
Ryan: Yeah, it’s a gift from my mom.
Marissa: Oh yeah? So it’s not the one you stole?
Dawn: I’m gonna try and say goodbye without losin’ it.
Ryan: Well, why don’t we just not say goodbye? How about, uh, see you soon?
Dawn: See you soon.
Ryan: Sure your mom won’t be offended?
Marissa: Well I feel bad. But she did say I could use it to barter with pirates. This seems to fit the bill.
Ryan: Again, I think the pearls would have looked good on you.
Volchok: Yeah, you’re a funny kid. Got the money?
Ryan: Yep. You can use it to start over.
Volchok: Thanks, Ranger Rick. But save your speech for the Boy Scouts.
Ryan: Ranger Rick. Ow, that hurts. Whatever, man. We’re done.
Ryan: Okay, uh, this looks familiar.
Marissa: Yeah? Well it shouldn’t. They rebuilt it completely after you burned it down.
Summer: You guys ever wonder what life would be like if Atwood never came here?
Marissa: I definitely never would have talked to Seth.
Summer: Oh hell no. Me either.
Seth: Hahahah!
Ryan: See, you owe me one, buddy.
Seth: Me? She’d still be dating the dude who shaves his chest.
Summer: I can’t believe that for a minute I was actually interested in Atwood. laughs Okay, no offense.
Ryan: None taken, biatch.
Marissa: It was only until you found out he was from Chino.
Summer: Exactly.
Ryan: You actually invited me to Holly’s beach house.
Summer: Oh my god!
Seth: You said she invited me. I’m not faring well, this trip down memory lane.
Marissa: I’m sorry for all the craziness.
Ryan: I wouldn’t have done it any differently. Except maybe Oliver.